Teaser:
"I think it is time for a talk."
A/N: Some words, for one, to all those who have reviewed, thank you so much. we made it over a 100 reviews! A special thanks to Mr. Haziq. Your one sentence commentary to the chapters always have us smile :)
Now, some technicalities to the chapter itself. We have an editing issue on FFnet, which we don't have on Ao3, we can't use strike-out text here. So we had to get creative. There's a letter passage, and some parts were supposed to be crossed out, instead, we made what is meant to be in the letter bold and in italics, the parts in between that are just in italics, but not bold, are supposed to be crossed out. Hope this makes sense, if not, and you want a correctly edited version, you'll find it on Ao3.
Chapter 20 Not Lying Down
Bato hadn't forgotten about last night and Kinignik's involvement in them. But by now, Kinignik should have slept his hours and Bato wasn't planning on letting him off the hook, as he made his way to the guardsman in the quiet shuffling out of the tent after Hakoda's words.
"Good afternoon, Kinignik. I hope you slept well."
It seemed to take Kinignik a moment to gather his bearings about why Bato was standing before him.
"I think it is time for a talk."
"Bato, I'm sorry, I know it w–"
"Kinignik, I know you. And I know this job. It's boring and unpleasant. You probably hoped that watching over the Prince would be a bit more interesting. You gloated."
"So what? Anyone would have. But I know I should have taken action."
"I want you to tell me how the night went, what interactions you had with him, and what you observed in general, give me a rough time estimate for what happened when?"
Kinignik now looked even more worried, he'd probably hoped to get away with a simple telling-off.
"Well, uh...I… when I started my shift, most people had already gone to bed. It had been raining already, so no surprise there. Uhm, the Prince had been helping out with something until shortly before that and Siimaktuk had taken him to the outhouse before going to bed himself.
"The Prince and I didn't talk, he just nodded and went to his spot and I think he wrung out the blanket he had there, I don't know. The night patrol came in to report before taking their first round right at that time. We talked, I just kept an eye out to see if he was still there."
"Alright, go on," Bato said calmly.
"He came to me after they left. He was holding his blanket wrapped around, he's been doing that the previous nights as well, so I didn't think much of it. He stopped a few steps away from me and asked to sleep next to the fire. I gave him the okay." Kinignik paused, thinking back on what had happened then.
"He started tending to the fire in between laying down. He kept an eye on me. I think he also breathed fire a couple of times. He seemed fine, I didn't think much of it. By the time the patrol came to check in, the wind was blowing a gale. He had built the fire large and curled up right next to it, I suppose for warmth. He switched sides often, but he kept low, so I didn't really see much.
Once the fire burned down to its embers, he tried stoking it again with some success. He'd been moving slowly and deliberately since the beginning of the shift, so I guess I didn't see the signs. He was too far away to see any obvious shivering, or maybe he didn't shiver because he's a firebender, and he was still doing this breathing fire thing regularly."
Bato heard the subtle message of Kinignik trying to defend his actions, just as much as he heard Kinignik's doubt about his actions creeping in.
"By the time you came around, the fire had grown weak and the Prince had stopped looking over to me every time he tended to it. I guess I just wasn't observant enough, but I'm serious, his moves had been deliberate all night."
Bato frowned, displeased. "So you just ignored what was right in your face, for example, that he wasn't dressed for the weather. There's no excuse. I know he didn't sleep next to the fire the past two nights. Maybe he didn't need it, maybe he didn't dare to ask before. But you didn't try to find out. I think you just thought, 'well, he's a firebender'. What we both know though, is that he did not sleep much, and he worked physically all day."
Bato gave him a stern look. "You're gonna be on patrol from now on. You're switching with Napatki. And before you're trusted with sensible jobs like this again, you will need to prove that you have learned to observe and have your brain connecting the dots while you're at it. Now, find a way to apologise to Zuko!"
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Nukilik had granted Zuko's request to go to the beach to practise his sword and blow off some steam. Zuko had looked ready to explode. To Nukilik's shock, the boy suddenly had not only one, but two angry Dao twirling through the air.
Shock quickly turned to amazement at the motions, which, though fuelled by tension and anger, still kept fluid, certain, and deceptively light. Nukilik had seen the boy split wood, he knew those swings held quite a bit of power.
He didn't know what had happened, but he saw how much Zuko needed this… And it was kinda cool to watch. A solo performance, with a front-row seat, and the Prince was good, real good. He'd be stupid to say no to an opportunity to see something like that.
Eventually, the Prince ran out of energy, slumping his shoulders, heaving. Nukilik was aware of the small gathering of men that had also decided to watch the impromptu sword practice, no doubt assessing the Prince's skill level, as Nukilik had too. Honestly, if the Prince fought as smart as he was skilled, and he seriously wanted to leave, they'd be in real trouble. Especially since he had firebending to combine it with. In that case, they'd have to wear him down, and it would most likely lead to multiple casualties.
The Chief had been right to say 'under no circumstances pick a fight with the guy', the Prince didn't seem like much, thin and barefoot as he was, this had just proven how deceptive looks could be.
Zuko sat down on the sand, completely alone. Nukilik heard someone approaching and turned around to see Kinignik with a guilty expression. Nukilik shooed him away, shaking his head. He saw Bato standing next to his tent, brows furrowed, and shrugged. As Kinignik left, Bato came over. In whispered words he caught Nukilik up on what had transpired, approving of the way he handled the Prince's obvious distress, and advising the tribesman to give him time to think if he so wanted. After that, he left, too, shooing any leftover spectators away while he was at it; leaving them both alone.
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"Toph, what happened?" Katara asked as she caught sight of Toph, while walking back to camp with a basket of freshly washed clothes.
"Zuko's mad at me." Toph ground out, kicking her foot into the ground, rippling up the sand for a few metres.
"Why? Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I dunno."
Katara waited for elaboration. Silence stretched and Toph slumped to the ground. It didn't escape Katara's notice that Zuko was nowhere in sight. Sensing that the girl did indeed need to talk, probably just didn't know how, Katara followed her example, setting down the laundry basket next to her.
"I just wanted to help. I know it was wrong how I went about it, but it didn't turn out so bad in the end. Or so I thought. But now he told me a bunch of stuff about me going against his will and that his life debt to me doesn't give me any right to do what I did."
"What did you do?"
"I dragged him into the meeting. They had a map in there, and they friggin had no clue what they were looking at. And Zuko, I know he can read that shit, and it just… It was just reading something, I wanted to show him, and them, that he could make a difference. I know he doesn't want the war to continue either. Things escalated." she sighed.
"I meant nothing bad, but he claimed that if he got involved in those meetings, they wouldn't let him go. He doesn't trust us to not leave him behind. Which is a joke, because even Chief Hakoda acknowledged it as a fact, that he won't be able to stop us from taking him with us."
Toph grabbed some sand and tried to force it into becoming one stone.
"It went on about his status, and what that means, and what assurance he would have to them complying to his terms if he was to give them information. He rocked, I mean, yeah, his heart was racing, but he handled it really well. He didn't back down, he didn't cave in. He really just seems considerate of how his actions might affect his people. It ended with Zuko saying he would think about it. At that point, I thought it might be fine, but turns out he's mad at me."
Toph drew in a shuddering breath.
"He said he owes me a life debt. Does he mean because I got him out of Huáng Zhèn? I only did what was right, he didn't deserve to be tortured to death."
"No, he didn't."
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Zuko felt his muscles quivering, limbs heavy with out-of-practice exhaustion. He sat down in the sand on the beach, just glad that no one was bothering him. Luckily, the weather had let up a bit, the sky still covered in grey, but at least not drizzling anymore. He knew Nukilik was standing guard a couple of paces away, but he'd heard Bato tell the other men to go back to work, which had cleared the beach of any other spectators.
He had hoped burning off his excess energy would help, but his mind still felt paralysed. He took deep breaths, controlling his breathing as he usually did with meditation, but he didn't use fire. He didn't want that singular focus on the flame in front of him, he needed to think… if only his brain would cooperate.
He'd been so deep in non-thought, he was startled as something landed on his shoulder. Zuko twisted sidewards in reflex, raising his arms to react to the threat and fight, while a white flash rushed down in front of him and into the space between his shirt and outer garment. Nukilik was looking at him in faint bemusement as Zuko realised that it was in fact a Momo invasion targeting either breadcrumbs, some cuddles, or both. Zuko lifted Momo up from where he was trying to get his nose into every nook and cranny.
"I'm sorry buddy, no food today." Zuko gently said, before putting Momo back on his feet in his lap, gently stroking his fur until Momo settled and rolled himself up.
"Why did they call you peach," Zuko murmured absentmindedly. "There's nothing peachy about you."
For a while he just sat there, enjoying the warmth in his lap, smoothing Momo's fur. Eventually, he heard Nukilik shift, by the sounds of it, sitting down as well. Zuko knew he had to think about things, had to face his thoughts, sort through them, and decide what he was going to do. He decided to just ignore Nukilik's presence, he couldn't do anything about him being there. He'd endured worse.
He began voicing his thoughts in quiet murmurs to Momo, who was lazily looking at him. Now definitely here for the warm cosiness of firebender. He started with what he knew:
"I don't want to be a puppet…"
He thought back at how easily Azula had pulled him as if strings were attached to him, getting him onto that ship, and if that guard hadn't slipped up, who'd know where he'd be now. A shudder went through him as he thought back to his vision of himself on the boat, bound in chains before his mind returned on track. He was considered a traitor to his homeland. Captured repeatedly, though by different people. He'd always be a fugitive wherever he went. At least, right now, he didn't have to hide who he was, though, look where that had gotten him.
"Never forget who you are." It wasn't easy when one had to live such a life in fear of being found out and executed. Zuko knew, he'd been very lucky to not have been lynched so far, although he had had close calls. Only people's craving for payback had prevented it so far; he might not be as lucky in the future.
He wouldn't help anyone then.
"What should I do? I'm not a traitor, I don't want to leave my people defenceless… but they are right; My father doesn't care for the country; Neither does Azula. What future does the Fire Nation have under this rule?"
He stared expectantly at Momo, who just looked at him with his big eyes, crooned and snuggled ever more closely. Zuko rolled his eyes and held him tight.
"My hands are tied. What do they expect me to do?"
The visions flashed in front of his eyes — an Agni Kai. "No lightning today, 'Zula?" his own voice resounded in memory.
He still remembered his sister's cackling response, the words burned into his mind."Such a shame daddy can't see you now Zuzu, perhaps he would, for once, be proud of you."
In that future, Zuko knew he'd been fighting his sister for the throne. Which, coupled with Azula's words, probably meant that Fire Lord Ozai had died in that reality.
Zuko remembered how that scene had ended. With Azula following his goading, shooting lighting, and them both getting buried under the ceiling of the war room. It shuddered him, it wasn't a death he wished upon anyone.
"Well, I guess wiping out the royal family would be one way to end this war…" He morbidly said to himself. "But I can't do that, it would throw the Fire Nation into civil war…"
At a loss, he lifted a hand to ruffle his hair. "But what can I do? If I tell these people what they want to know, they might wreak havoc on the Fire Nation. And I'll have myself to blame for leaving my country defenceless."
Zuko picked Momo back up and pressed him to his chest.
"But I can't just do nothing, either. Doing nothing killed the last Avatar. Roku should have known, no he did know about Sozin's obsession, but he didn't keep watch on his doings. Roku settled in the Fire Nation with his family and stopped travelling the world, shutting himself off from it. Sozin just waited and seized the opportunity to get rid of Roku. And then he just turned around to goad before he left." Zuko reminded himself. "He probably waited for the day he'd die."
He still saw the pictures the vision had shown him in his inner eye. How the deadly volcano fumes had wrapped around the Fire Avatar who probably had succumbed to them in minutes.
Momo chirped as he twisted into a more comfortable position and let himself be cuddled.
"What the spirits is wrong with my family?"
The visions, he had yet to really think about what he'd seen in them. So much had been going on. He'd been so exhausted, and if he was honest, for a while, he'd just tried to forget. But he knew he couldn't do that. Those visions had come to him for a reason. If he just knew what to do with them.
Thinking back to them once more, he drew a scene from the vision to the forefront of the mind. It had been the war meeting that condemned the Air Nomads to extinction.
"With the recreation of the colonies, and the prosperity they enjoy, we must extend this wider to the world. With the Temples of Air being on our doorstep, and their... reluctance to help preserve the arrangements made by my illustrious ancestor, Fire Lord Yosor, we must illuminate them to the path of greatness. This shall be done at once, to all four temples."
"Incinerate them down the path of extinction, more like," Zuko muttered, thinking back to his time burying those Air Nomads still left in the open. There had been no army, that was for sure. However, there was one thing that made him wonder. Sozin had mentioned a sister.
"My sister has acted too long in defiance, the winds she has commanded her allies in the temples to send to our nation have gone on too long."
The problem was, Zuko hadn't ever heard of Sozin having a sister. Zuko knew that the Fire Nation had blamed the Air Nomads of sending bad weather in the period before the genocide. And maybe there had been some group, faction, that wasn't as peaceful as the rest of the Air Nomads. But it still didn't justify the killing of an entire people.
"No, Sozin just didn't want another Avatar to grow up old enough to stop him."
"Bring my sister to me, her treason must be answered."
It had sounded like she'd been commercing with the enemy, too.
"I wonder what her name is. She must have been struck from the record."
Zuko knew very well that they might do the same to his memory if he were to die or disappear for long enough. In Ozai's mind, he, after all, was a stain on the family line.
Aang was an Air Nomad. He'd survived the genocide, it struck Zuko at once. Despite all odds, this happy-go-lucky kid had survived. Zuko supposed that the Universe had taken measures to protect its World Spirit to ensure he survived, just as it had somehow managed to resurrect the moon. There was only one flaw, Aang hadn't reached his real 16 yet, he was still trapped in a 12-year-old body and mind, without any obvious sense of responsibility.
"Well, at least he's got the universe to back him up… unlike me." He bitterly said. He knew he was jealous. His title had been renounced, but he still felt the crushing weight of responsibility. And there was the Avatar, just trusting the universe to do his job for him…
"But that doesn't mean the future is set in stone. I refuse to believe that." He said to himself.
The visions had shown him snippets of the past, things he shouldn't know, couldn't have known. It had also replayed moments of his own past to him. Maybe they had been shown to him to make him aware of what path he was on. That he'd end up buried under the war room's ceiling if he stayed on this path.
He still remembered the third arch. It had not revealed its secrets to him. At least not in the same way the other two had.
It had talked to him, in its own way. It had repeated his mother's last words to him. Mother. It shuddered him once more, and he tightly held Momo anew, pushing back tears.
She was alive.
He couldn't think about that right now.
The arch had imparted other things to him as well. It had replied to the very thoughts he had. It had answered in surreal memories. It reflected his own words to him. He did remember how he'd tried to explain the sun to Toph. It seemed that the arch thought he needed to hear it as well.
But the arch had told him more. Know this Zuko, the space had called, it is the balance of the elements that allows all life to thrive, water to nourish, air to spread, earth to support and fire to vitalise. It is this balance that the world needs, this is why the Avatar was made, to embody the balance.
It was a truth that Zuko still wasn't quite ready to grasp. There had been more thoughts, thoughts leading up to a decision. The memories appeared fuzzy now, very unlike the surreal clear-headedness he'd felt while being in the moment. His thought and path had been crystal clear. It wasn't so much now.
He longed for it. Longed to remember what had led up to his decision to step through that third arch. But as much as he tried, they slipped away. And maybe that was the thing. He had to find his own way; decide his own path. And put trust in himself and the world.
He shivered. His trousers were damp from where they touched the still-moist sand. It was time to get up. He needed to do something, distract himself, even if it was just for a little bit.
He struggled into an upright position. Momo shrieked and fled, displeased that his pillow was unfolding. Zuko turned to Nukilik.
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Nukilik felt a little bad about putting the shaken boy back to work, even though the boy himself had requested it. He'd only heard snippets of his conversation with the weird flying animal that had startled Zuko so badly initially. The boy had mumbled, the words sounding strange, foreign. Nukilik just knew that he sounded different when he spoke with the intent to be understood. He'd heard Fire Nationals speak among themselves before, but this sounded slightly different still. Calderan dialect? The Ex-Prince was certainly good at hiding his accent when he was talking to them.
Now, the boy was splitting wood again, Nukilik had made sure for them to refill their waterskins before he started. Nukilik had taken to carrying the wood over to the tarps and piling it neatly there. They worked in silence until the boy was shaking from exertion once more.
"Zuko, come with me," he said with the intent of getting some food into both their stomachs.
Zuko put down the axe and grabbed his things wordlessly. Just as he stepped up to Nukilik, Kinignik, who had been lurking somewhere close, called out.
"Uhm, Zuko, do you have a moment?"
Zuko squinted his eyes, he didn't fancy spending time with this man, and he knew the dislike was mutual. "What do you want?" he snapped. He didn't owe this man anything.
Kinignik fidgeted and fumbled over his words. "I… I wronged you last night."
"So?" Zuko snapped, he was too tired for this. He'd immediately recognised the word choice as being the same that Sokka had used.
"I shouldn't have left you out in the open like that without proper equipment. I'm sorry."
"Did Bato guilt-trip you?" Zuko bit out.
Nukilik quietly harrumphed: "Please give him a chance."
Zuko sighed, it wasn't like he was free to walk away from them.
"Show the way," he grumbled, deciding to save his energy.
"Thank you," Kinignik spoke, before turning around and walking towards the community tents. Zuko followed, Nukilik in tow.
Sokka had given him symbolic things, he wasn't quite sure what to expect from this man. Sokka had been one thing, to participate in a ritual with this man; Zuko wasn't… as willing. He was still tired, he didn't really have a high opinion of Kinignik. Why should he participate in a ritual with him, so the guy could stop feeling guilty?
Why couldn't people leave him alone about such events that he'd rather just ignore and forget? And it probably would be considered an insult if he didn't accept the apology. Just why was it always him ending up in such situations?
The man led them to a canoe, which made Zuko even less happy. Nukilik wordlessly grabbed the tail-end when Kinignik lifted the front, and they started walking towards the shore.
"Where are we going?" Zuko said with growing mistrust, throwing a glance back towards the camp, and seeing some men watching the procession.
"I asked Chief Hakoda for permission to let you look through our spare equipment. We don't usually take that ashore, though, so…" he said upon arriving at the waterline. Zuko stared at him. That… was… actually a decent, quite thoughtful, and practical, way to make amends. It took him off guard.
Kinignik put the boat down to take off his shoes and rolled up his pants. Nukilik was doing the same.
They stepped into the water, lifting the canoe into the water. "You first." Nukilik insisted, and Zuko decided not to fight him on this. Soon the other two jumped into the boat and picked up the paddles. It didn't take long to arrive at one of the bigger ships. They were still dwarfed compared to Zuko's old ship. Zuko thought with irony back to when he'd thought that it was small because there were bigger-sized ships in use by the Fire Nation. They climbed up a rope ladder and were soon on deck. The ship was quite unlike any Zuko had ever been on. It was wooden, had a mast, and folded in sails. Kinignik was opening a hatch to go down below deck. He climbed down a few steps, to grab a lantern. But there was no fire in its centre, instead, the box was filled with stones that glowed.
Zuko shuddered. They reminded him of a previous bad time when he'd been dragged down into a prison below ground and locked in. The Jemnamite's green glow had haunted him for the entire time he'd been locked in without any light. It still haunted him in his dreams sometimes.
At least, he wasn't surrounded by stone right now, and at least half of those glowing rocks in this lantern box were yellow, not green. In fact, there were a couple of small flecks of red and blue ones in there as well. The resulting light was brighter and a tad less cold, which filled Zuko with relief. Nukilik entered as the last, Zuko between them.
They went to the back of the ship and his legs easily compensated for the swell's rocking. Kinignik went to a sea chest and unlocked it with a key.
"Here are some sleeping bags and blankets. You may take your pick."
Hesitantly, Zuko knelt down in front of the chest, this felt uncomfortable. They were right, his ratty blanket did not do the job, and it had been drawing on his reserves to keep himself warm at night, it was difficult in the wind, impossible with rain.
He didn't know if he'd be too hot with a Water Tribe style sleeping bag, but then he remembered the comfortable lull he'd been in this morning after waking up in one. And the leather would keep the moisture away, as well, as long as he got a chance to do regular maintenance.
"Are there different-sized sleeping bags or are they all the same?"
"Uhm, yeah, hold on." Kinignik gave Nukilik the lantern to hold and rummaged through the chest before pulling one out. There was a faded name on the leather belt holding it together, and it dawned on Zuko why they had so much extra equipment, Zuko should have known.
Kinignik stared at it for a moment, before shaking his head as if to free himself from whatever thought he'd just had. "I think this one should fit you," he said, voice carefully steady.
"Whose was it?" he asked, he'd rather know if anyone would take offence to him using someone's brother's sleeping bag.
"Don't worry about it." Nukilik now spoke.
Zuko sighed, but opened the belt and rolled it out with a practised motion. He stood up, holding it up along his length to check it. It was just a tad too big. Zuko went about rolling it back up, re-applying the leather band. While the design was slightly different than the military-issue sleeping bags, he'd also done this a couple of times with Sokka's and Katara's sleeping bags when he'd helped to break down camp. Sokka's had a little engraving of a wolf down the buckle, Katara's that of a hair comb. He got up.
"Thank you!" Zuko said, and to his surprise, he meant it.
"We're not quite done. I thought you might want to have some shoes and a layer against the wind and rain."
This was even more unexpected, Zuko numbly followed Kinignik to yet another chest, after he'd locked the first one. It was full of clothing, and not just the water tribe kind.
This time, Zuko rummaged more, setting out some footwear that was roughly his size to try out. He ignored the two fire-navy undershirts and looked for something to use to break the wind. He finally settled on a simple cloak, it would definitely be better than sitting in the saddle with his ratty blanket wrapped around in the hope it would keep the wind out.
Once he was done choosing, he got up and grabbed his new things. He'd been apprehensive about what was going to happen when he'd entered the boat's hull, he left it with an unexpected, undefinable feeling. It wasn't relief as much as feeling restored in some way, at least to a certain degree.
Zuko was still glad to be on deck again, and soon they were paddling back on shore.
"Kinignik" Zuko hadn't put on the shoes yet, since he'd known they'd wade through water, he knew that Kinignik knew he'd accepted them even so, but it still felt incomplete to him. With the things in his arms, it was impossible to do a proper flame symbol, but he did his best to do the gesture and tipped his head. "Thank you," he spoke formally.
Kinignik nodded but didn't say anything else.
"Hey Kinignik," Nukilik said then, "Join us for a snack?"
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"Sokka, let's spar." Hakoda addressed his son later that afternoon. He did have some time at hand and teaching his son how to fight had been something he had been itching to do ever since they had arrived. His son had been raised surrounded by old women, it was high time that he learned the art of fighting from a fellow tribesman. It wasn't that Hakoda completely dismissed the teachings of the Kyoshi Warriors, though it irked him that Sokka had gone to them out of lack of other options, he was about to right this as much as he could.
Sokka had perked up at the call and eagerly followed him to the beach.
"Come at me."
And Sokka did, with his machete and a loud battle cry. It took embarrassingly little time to disarm his son. He was overcompensating for the swing and stumbling as a result. They did this a couple of times so Hakoda could assess the problem before moving on.
Sokka fared a little better at hand-to-hand combat, but that was mostly because he was using a technique with a twist that Hakoda was unfamiliar with. Sokka had quickly exhausted his repertoire, however, and Hakoda did see issues with balance here as well.
"Alright Sokka, first let us review what you already know and fix up any potential balance issues that you might have developed in your time without a teacher."
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The rest of the day went by in a flurry of activities for Zuko, but the thoughts about Chief Hakoda's vow and the implication that he should think about his own standpoint and make a decision nagged at him. Nukilik, whom Zuko suspected, didn't know about this offer, ultimatum, whatever you want to call it, seemed to recognize this. He seemed to try to switch between plain physical activities and less laborious work that did allow for wandering thoughts. Surprisingly, it helped with not getting overwhelmed into a thought spiral.
Zuko ended up washing some freshly gutted fish before dinner. Nukilik was explaining the fish gutting process to him in detail and Zuko found himself listening with one ear. The new shoes felt weird after being so long without any. He wasn't wearing his cloak at the moment, and they had stored his new sleeping bag in Bato's tent for the time being because it had begun to drizzle again. Zuko wondered if last night had been a one-time thing, now that he had better equipment.
But when they were eating, Bato came over and told him that he'd be sleeping in his tent again. There were still some hours until it was time for sleep and the camp was winding down, so Zuko returned to his secluded spot to think. He was tired, but the thoughts hadn't left him alone all afternoon. He'd have loved to go to Appa and sink into his fur, but at least he had Momo, who would seek him out now and then.
"What can I do?"
Hakoda had vowed to uphold any agreement they'd negotiate. He'd given his word as Chief in front of the War Council and the Avatar. Zuko couldn't help but think back at today and also be reminded of what he'd learned about the Water Tribe and their culture in general.
Zuko was pretty sure that Hakoda had called upon his son and initiated the whole process of apologising and making amends, so he wasn't entirely sure how much of it had been Sokka's own idea. He now also had experienced Kinignik's approach to it.
"I asked Chief Hakoda for permission to let you look through our spare equipment."
The wording suggested that Kinignik actually had thought about how to make amends. Kinignik had been prejudiced and biased, but he'd been civil when apologising and had actually tried to improve the situation for Zuko so that what had happened would be less likely to repeat itself. That was from a person, that Zuko was fairly sure, hated him, and if not that, at least had a very low opinion of him. It spoke volumes about the Water Tribe society as a whole.
It was a different approach to being honourable, one that Zuko found himself respecting. He was fairly sure he could trust Hakoda's words. Hakoda hadn't denounced Zuko's worries, he'd just said that he'd do everything in his power, and Zuko felt more comfortable with that, rather than with someone who promised him the sky.
Hakoda had however also called attention to Zuko's own responsibilities. He'd reminded Zuko of the duties of a Crown Prince, something Zuko had outright denied this time. He had been banished and announced a traitor, after all. But Hakoda hadn't let up, he'd reminded him that remaining passive wasn't an option. It made him angry… He knew that. He'd faced a spirit's anger before; he couldn't leave his people's fate to the spirits. He also didn't know how Hakoda got the impression that Zuko had friends, but he chose to ignore that line of thought.
"I won't leave you here." Apparently, his mind couldn't ignore it after all. Toph's words were hard to acknowledge after she had just dragged him into this nightmare, but maybe this was what Hakoda saw. Zuko's anger at Toph waned a little bit at this.
It was hard to put trust in Toph when she pulled shit like that, even though Zuko knew she meant well. But they were on opposing sides, and Zuko had thought Toph respected that. After that initial suggestion of training the Avatar, she'd never pressed for anything relating to the war. Until now…
But she was right: The attack would happen either way, whether he wanted it to or not. And that the Fire Nation wouldn't stop attacking was just as true. They needed stopping. His father needed stopping.
And Toph had also spoken another truth: The Water Tribe's War Council was absolutely lost. Zuko hadn't realised how effective the syllabary reform had been to keep even public information inaccessible to other countries. It was likely that even if they managed to intercept messages, they wouldn't be able to read the words, and in addition to that, anything war effort-related was written in code and abbreviations.
Zuko knew that if he decided to share his knowledge, everything he said would be met with distrust. He would have to count on Toph, he begrudgingly admitted to himself, to get him out of here when the time came. He already had to.
Furthermore, he did have a duty to his people, whether they acknowledged him as Prince or not. He had to make a choice. Doing nothing was not an option.
So what were his options? Give them false information? While he might be unable to arrange an ambush alone, he could lead them astray, to protect knowledge. Though he knew he sucked at lying, and this would achieve nothing…
Or he could start putting trust in the Avatar and his people, in Hakoda's vow and provide them with actual knowledge, teach Hakoda, Sokka, and whoever else wanted, how to read the modern Fire Nation script. Give up the position of Fire Nation bases.
He couldn't believe he was considering it, really considering it, after everything that had happened, especially from back when he'd still been hunting the Avatar.
How well that would go, would also depend on how much they'd be willing to share with him. He didn't expect the Water Tribe to be upfront with him about their plans. He'd probably have to place the request to be fully briefed by the Avatar's group.
Chief Hakoda would probably tell them not to, and yeah, it was true, they were too naively trusting most of the time, so he'd have to rely on the Avatar's sense of fairness towards him, which didn't sit right with him either.
While he couldn't expect them to truly reveal all their plans, he could negotiate for the safety of civilians. That would tie directly to his shared knowledge, it should be okay. He thought back to his time at the market square and decided that it would be appropriate to also negotiate terms for Prisoners of War, including the conditions of holding as well as releasing them eventually.
He also had to look beyond the war, even if that thought was surreal and seemed entirely unrealistic. Zuko did not trust them to succeed at anything yet. He'd have to see what they came up with the information he was to provide first, and that thought scared him.
As he kept weighing the options, thinking about the future of the Fire Nation and its people, about what giving or withholding information could mean, there still were Hakoda's spitfire questions nagging at his mind. He had to face the truth: His people did not have a great potential future under Ozai's continued and Azula's prospective reign. They wouldn't have a great future if they lost the war, either. The other Nations would probably retaliate, trying to suppress his people in return for them having tried to suppress them. And that wasn't even considering what would happen once his family members were removed from power…
Who would take over? The majority of today's Fire Sages were grovelling at Ozai's foot, he had no close cousins to speak of anymore, and the people had no say.
The Fire Sages once had been the spiritual leaders, they were supposed to be advisors to the Fire Lord. Ozai did not tolerate true advisors, people who spoke their minds against ideas they disagreed with, or even just to shed light on a different angle to a matter, his scar ached just in memory of such a thought.
Zuko was sure the Fire Sages that were thriving under Ozai's reign were nothing like that. They would not be able to pick up and lead the country if his house fell. He hadn't forgotten that one Fire Sage on Crescent island either, and for a moment, he wondered what had happened to him.
So, Zuko decided he would need to negotiate a post-war plan. And discuss the succession of Fire Lord with all the possible outcomes. He knew Hakoda would be expecting him to take up the mantle, despite the fact that being announced a traitor pretty much meant that his birthright was renounced. Same with Iroh, though the other Nations would probably want to see the Dragon-Prince on the throne even less. And well, Iroh might seem like a softie nowadays, and many people thought that he had lost his touch, him included at times in the past, but Zuko knew that power, which Iroh drew upon, lurked underneath the surface, and Iroh would access it if he just saw reason enough to do so. Iroh was not nearly as harmless as he pretended to be, he still was the Dragon of the West deep down.
They'd want Zuko to be Fire Lord. They'd want someone they knew, someone they had an idea of what he'd do. He'd told Hakoda that he refused to be a puppet, but would he be able to live up to that? What would he do if he found himself in such a situation? What would those trying to control him do? He was determined to survive, but he wanted to have terms to ensure the well-being of his people even if he didn't.
Iroh really would be a better fit for the position, though he was announced a traitor, just like Zuko. At least he had experience, connections, knowledge. At least, people would take him seriously. Zuko would have to assert himself first, and that, while being uncompromisingly supportive of his people's survival. At the same, he had to be willing to compromise and change the way of things.
Uncle Iroh wasn't here.
Zuko hadn't heard of him since he'd split up with him. It reminded him how much he regretted his last words to his uncle.
Who knew where Iroh was and what he was up to these days? Zuko was on his own.
"My ancestors have wreaked havoc on this world, I need to right what they did wrong. I need allies," he said to himself. And there was another thought that haunted him: "Plus, Mum is out there somewhere, if I make it out alive, I might be able to find her."
So many thoughts he needed to shift through and acknowledge. It also reinforced an age-old thought:
"I need to be able to go back home to find her, too. I need to go home."
But taking the Avatar home wasn't the answer, and likely wouldn't give him back his home, either.
"I guess I really need to think about what I want to negotiate for in a post-war plan. And what information I'm willing to give. I cannot go into the next confrontation without a plan." he groaned into his palms in frustration.
00000
It took till that evening that Katara did have anything resembling some private time with her dad, and even then, she'd had to request it. Zuko's interpretation of her confronting the Chief the day before, and his fear for her, had shaken her a bit. She knew that publicly challenging Hakoda was not against any social rules, the problem had been that Hakoda had been under time pressure. Zuko had feared much worse and tried to keep her from taking any more risks than she'd already had. She didn't want to know what he'd thought her father would do.
It was kind of sweet of Zuko, and maybe he'd been right, she might have more of a chance to convince her dad in private, where he didn't have to put on a public appearance. When she thought about it, confronting him in public, and with potentially bad timing, could harden Hakoda's view on the matter, instead of making him more malleable to agree.
Which was why she was sitting across from him in a private corner now. She hadn't wanted Toph here, and she'd talked to her about it. Surprisingly enough, Toph had agreed to stay out of it, though not without filling her head with her thoughts and ideas.
"Alright Katara, I assume you wanted to talk to me about your presence in the war meetings."
"Yeah, that's correct."
"Alright," Hakoda said, waiting for her to elaborate.
Katara took a breath, the things she'd laid out in her head weren't as easy to put into words. She hoped she wouldn't forget her wording. This was her chance.
"As you have already gathered, Toph and I feel that we should be part of the war meetings, and I think it's not right to not be let in, just because we're girls. You've already conducted the second meeting by now, and you haven't even tried to talk to me. I understand that time is of the essence, but I do think this unfair."
Now that she got going, there were other aspects that were coming to the forefront of her mind; things she knew weren't exactly her dad's fault, but things that hugely had impacted her way of thinking, especially concerning gender roles.
"When our men went away to go to war, we women were left behind. And unlike in the old stories, they did not come back in winter. We've been managing the tribe alone without the assistance of men for at least a year now, as that first winter alone had claimed the two elders left behind because they were too frail to travel with you. We have managed just fine on our own."
She took a breath and looked at her dad, whose expression had started to close off, this was not what she wanted.
"I'm not saying you're wrong for leaving us to protect us from the Fire Nation, but we women have learned to be independent. You might be physically stronger, and I acknowledge you as the head of our family and our tribe, but I know my thoughts, my view on things as a Master Waterbender, are worth being heard. And even without that aspect of me, I think my opinion isn't worth being heard any less, just because of my gender."
"Katara, it's always been like this, our tribe has become so few, we can't abandon what little tradition we're left with. I'm happy that you learned to fight with waterbending, your mother would be so proud, but upsetting the hierarchical structure now might cause uproar within the tribe, especially with the delicate situation of former Prince Zuko."
"Oh really? Well, maybe change is necessary, and this war will lead to something good for once. I can tell you one thing: Of course, the women long for their husbands and brothers, the father to their children, to come home, but don't think for one moment that they'll take being bossed around the same way they did when those selfsame men left."
Katara knew she might be exaggerating this a bit, there were women who weren't as stubborn and independent as her. There were those women who had always just followed the lead of the men. The other women in their tribe hadn't travelled the world as she had done, hadn't seen how things were, how things could be. They didn't know much else. But to have a chance to change things for the better, to give women more voice, she felt it her responsibility to speak out, her time in the North had cemented that fact; If Yue had just been listened to more… Perhaps things might have gone differently. And there was one sentiment that had come through more and more, the longer the men had not come back. And that had affected all women of the tribe to some degree.
The pride that their men were fighting for a greater cause had long since started to turn into bitterness, as the men weren't there in the long lonely winter months, and hadn't helped to prepare for it; with that, no new children were born; and the women had to fill in to get the work of men done. Bitterness had turned to resentment, as much as longing for them to come back. The women in the tribe had started to feel abandoned. They weren't sure if their men were even coming back, with as long as they'd gone without any news.
"You weren't there when food was short because the men left behind had to teach the women what men had done. We do a lot for our tribe, and yeah, a lot of work goes hand in hand with the men, but there were things we didn't know. And we felt abandoned."
Now, everything started to spill, every worry, every collective thought that had become forgotten when she'd gone out into the world to travel with the Avatar. Remembering those two years without the men brought it all back, and just like that, she also understood how the men probably weren't aware of what leaving had meant for the women.
"You left us to join the war effort for the world, but it left us vulnerable. Yes, the last attack on our villages itself was years ago," she paused, her breathing hitched as she remembered her mum's sacrifice, "it had seemed that the Fire Nation had lost their interest in eradicating us. But when Zuko and his entourage came and cracked open the centre of the village because they rammed the ice wall. You weren't there to protect us, nobody was, and we weren't told how to protect ourselves."
Seeing her father's clouded expression, she quickly cut in: "I tell you this so you know. Please don't punish Zuko because of it. Zuko has apologised and exposed his regrets and his inability to right his wrongs. He's not so different from us as you think; Plus, he has been quite changed ever since we rescued him. Still, it doesn't change the fact that we were absolutely defenceless when he came."
It shuddered Hakoda, Bato had retold him that story, but it had been pushed back in his mind when news about the Prince's activities had ceased to come. Of course, seeing him with his children, and seeing his daughter stepping up to protect him had been a shock, but he'd had addressed things head on and the Prince's influence currently was very limited. He'd tried to look over that fact and focus on their war meetings. Hearing his daughter pointing out the Prince's wrongdoings and in the same sentence trying to protect him, that had taken him off guard; hearing her calming words and acknowledging Zuko's apology, even more so. What she said next, however, really hit home hard.
"And think of this: If this had gotten back to the Fire Nation, and had your raids bothered them enough, what do you think would have happened? They'd have had an easy time taking all the women and the children, the future of the tribe, me, Sokka, Gran-Gran… And they would have had all they needed to force your hand to abandon the war effort. And it wouldn't even have ensured that we'd survive and were able to pass on what little we have left of our culture."
Hakoda had somehow failed to consider this, and suddenly, he felt an urgent need to question Zuko about if he'd reported anything about the state of their home back to his father. Or if it was just luck that Ozai was too arrogant to listen to the son he'd banished. But really, he couldn't point out the power of that knowledge to Zuko if he hadn't realised it yet. He could only hope. Meanwhile, Katara spoke onward.
"So yes, I think that maybe we women should be given more credit. Those women who are willing should be taught how to fight. Maybe the Fire Nation is doing one thing right by letting their women join the military."
Katara could see that Hakoda didn't like hearing that.
"I'm not saying that the way the Fire Nation handles its military is right, and I don't know how they recruit their women, but they at least recognize that women should be enabled to fight."
"They exploit the common folk, and I don't like thinking that they put their women into the line of fire."
"We're in the line of fire wherever we are, if we're fighting in the war, we at least prepare for it. It's not for everyone, but I also don't think it's for every man, and even so, every man has to go. How can that be right?"
"You know this; it's our duty to protect the family." defended Hakoda
"I think that's a bunch of yak shit. It's everyone's duty to protect the family." Katara vehemently said.
00000
Zuko had retreated to the tent early that evening, as the weather had thrown another thunderstorm at the camp. Tulimak had given him permission to do so and Zuko was glad for it. As Bato wasn't here yet, for the first time in what felt like forever, there were no prying eyes in his immediate vicinity, no one ready to judge every move he made. The tent fabric, though not overly soundproof, at least kept him out of line of sight.
Zuko had gotten instructions on where to sleep, namely, Bato had wanted him to sleep towards the back of the tent, where it had seemed, he himself had been set up. It did appear that Bato had already moved his sleeping bag anyway, so all Zuko had to do was unroll his new belongings, and lay them on the thin sleeping mat that had been left on the ground.
As meditation with fire was out of the question, and Zuko was still feeling rather cold, he did actually slip into the fur-lined opening of the sleeping bag. The scent of the previous owner was still lingering, and there seemed to be something stuffed into the very end, as well as a little pocket sewn to one of the sides. Zuko didn't have the energy and mind to explore this.
It filled him with sadness, that the man this had belonged to was dead, quite possibly by Zuko's people's hands. Though he felt the need to know whose belongings he'd been allowed to take, he wasn't ready to seek those answers yet. Too many other thoughts and problems were still plaguing his mind.
He dreaded tomorrow, but at least, he had come up with a rough idea of what he wanted to say.
It wouldn't be an easy confrontation, maybe he should request some writing utensils so he could write down his thoughts to be sure he wouldn't forget, but he didn't want to go back out there, now that he finally had a sliver of privacy, so he just repeated his points to himself in his mind for a while, memorising them.
Finally, he had to draw a line, he was tired, and it would help to be as rested as possible tomorrow. He settled for a simple breathing meditation that would hopefully let him drift off to sleep.
000
Honoured Father, Lord of the Eternal Flame, Dawn's First Light, Greeting
Azula zoned out the insistent loud banging and hissing of the machinery she had arrived in the night before. It was repetitive, and annoying. Leaning over the draft of the letter once more, she reread it for the third time. It was abhorrent.
You're right, I shouldn't waste time with rumours. Sozin's line, doesn't get Zuko's not important enough If Zuko's weak enough to get captured, he's not worth bothering with anyway.
Maybe she should cross out the last one too, and not mention Zuko at all.
The Avatar has proved elusive as of late. He's not announcing his presence any longer, He still isn't announcing his presence as often as before, and there still haven't been any Sky Bison, or anything remotely similar to one, sightings since my last report.
Excuses. She should have been able to find him despite the lack of a trail. No way of getting out of it - somehow Zuzu was besting her, they had most definitely smartened up. And to be fair, she had been called away, for Minister Qin's vanity project. She couldn't focus her whole attention towards hunting the Avatar like her brother had been able to… she still should have been able to do it. But she was better than this, she was patient. Unlike Zuko. The Avatar was probably on his way to Ba Sing Se, it would only be a matter of time until he re-emerged.
Now she had to deal with Operation Badgermole first. The thought was giving her headaches; the machine's constant screeching and banging did not help.
I have caught up with and taken command of Operation Badgermole as you told me to.
Unneeded. A report was supposed to be short and concise.
War Minister Qin has taken the news with minimal fuss. He was able to answer most of my questions without issue and gave me a tour through the drill Operation Badgermole and explained its workings. He is confident that Operation Badgermole will be successful. He has not questioned my authority a welcome surprise.
She'd learned that they had tested drills like this one to create tunnels for the mining operations back home, and they were very failsafe; this one even had special measures to prevent rock from being slid into places it shouldn't go, but such a frontal assault wasn't her style.
This wasn't her plan, and now her father, her Fire Lord, she mentally corrected, had ordered for her to oversee its undertaking. There was no backup plan, no subterfuge, no nothing except this drill. This was not her plan and she did not like it, she mentally cringed as she nearly snapped her brush before regaining the required calm.
Why did she have to babysit this manoeuvre? How did her father and Minister Qin imagine this working? Yes, the drill was big and they did have an entire battalion in here, but the city was huge, it teemed with Earth Benders. Uncle had a whole army corps under his control when he tried to take the city, and even he failed. Her mind shifted.
What if this mission failed under her command? Would Father blame her? No, she had the Fire Lord's ear, she could talk herself out of it if needed. That slimy mite of a War Minister could take his own fall.
She probably should still mention her doubts in her letter somehow, that was where she was stuck at. How could she word it without questioning her Father?
She needed a backup plan. One of hers, one that she could trust. One that would –
The door to the room opened and Azula could barely hide her twitch before twirling around.
War Minister Qin was standing in the doorway, bowing low, not rising.
"What's the meaning of this? And haven't you heard of knocking?" her tone was sharp.
Qin rose smoothly, a subtle smug grin on his face "Your Royal Highness, I did knock, but the drill probably droned it out. I do apologise for interrupting, I just wanted to let you know that I've spoken with our navigators and to answer your question, they calculate about a fortnight, probably sooner, for us to reach the Outer Wall. I also wanted to ask when you wish for your breakfast to be brought?" he drawled, in a lazy Capital.
"And you interrupted me for that?" Azula said, annoyed, returning in High Court. Such frivolous reasons for disruption. "Just bring something. Ask Mai or Ty Lee if you're unsure. And don't just come barging in unless there's an emergency."
"My apologies Princess, I had been under the impression that you had wanted answers as soon as possible."
"Whatever. Next time wait until I come to check up on you. Now get out." she motioned with royal dismissal.
The man still took the time to bow, of course, ever annoyingly correct, a mixture between pacifying her and boot licking at the same time. Every form correct, but layered in contempt and sycophancy. She was sick of people like him, once she became Fire Lord, there would be no question of her rights. Ash, if Zuko was dead, no one could question Father's decision to name her Crown Princess. No matter, no point in dwelling on the past.
And she still needed to finish that letter.
0
A/N:
ML8991: Firstly, Happy New Year readers, hope you all had a fantastic holiday season :). My greatest sympathies to those of you struck by the madness of weather that has been happening in some places around the world, I hope you are doing ok.
Well, this chapter was a lot of introspection, wasn't it? Zuko has finally had a quiet moment to truly process what was said to him, and he isn't happy with the conclusions he draws. But, as we know from the show, he is a man of duty, so he will do what he must. I look forward to showing you the Prince Zuko that is coming out from these difficult decisions. It was also great to have some exploration and bridge building, with both Hakoda and Sokka, as well as Kinignik with Zuko, being developed in the groups. However, fractures remain, and I hope we managed to capture some of Katara's frustrations well, and hopefully the beginnings of change have begun to worm into Hakoda's mind.
Next time, Zuko will have much to say and take his first steps on becoming the leader of tomorrow.
Ystävä: A Happy New Year from my side also. Lets hope the near future brings some good weather and more peaceful times.
So yeh, ML already mentioned quite a bit, but I did want to add a tiny bit to that.
For one, Kinignik, hadn't originally thought that we'd be writing two apologizing rituals so close together, but in the end I really like that we did, it was quite a bit different to write Kinignik's than Sokka's. Kinignik could kinda make up for it by organising him better gear, Sokka could not. Both scenes are rituals, both used materialistic tokens, meant to enable Zuko, but Sokka's were symbolic only, not actual gifts, because he cannot make up for what he did earlier in our story.
For Zuko's introspection, it finally gave me the possibility to pick back up on details and events of the Spirit Sickness Visions and anchor them more in the story. I feel like they're a little more tied in now, it certainly feels like it to me.
And fiiinally. We had wanted to add an Azula scene for the longest time, as we had to split this chapter from the previous one, we suddenly had some space to fill. From just a letter format, we ended up going with a much more active approach, by having her reread a draft, which allowed us to go into Azula's thoughts and see behind her mask. I hope you enjoyed.
Now, we'd of course love to hear what you thought of the chapter and what you'd like to see in the future. Share your theories with us, we're looking forward to it!