Lyrics to Boyfriend by Justin Bieber (2012)
On a normal suburban street, a door opens and a figure emerges as music begins to play. He's tall and thin with neatly styled blonde hair, soft, feminine features, and limpid blue eyes. He's wearing skinny jeans, fresh white kicks, and a puffy sleeveless vest over a white T-shirt. He squints sexily into the sun and slowly nods; every female in a ten mile radius dampens and every gay man in town pops an erection.
If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go
I can take you places you ain't never been before
Baby take a chance or you'll never ever know
He pulls the door closed behind him and starts down the walkway in slow motion, the wind blowing through his hair. He spins on his heels like a white Michael Jackson and pops an imaginary collar.
I got money in my hands that I'd really like to blow
Swag swag swag, on you
Chillin' by the fire while we eating fondue
I don't know 'bout me but I know about you
So say hello to falsetto in three two
He throws one arm up into the air and grabs his crotch with a high pitched cry. Lori Loud, out walking Charles, melts into a puddle of goo, her eyes big and shimmering with teenage lust. "Hi, E," she draws and giggles.
E gives her a curt nod.
"Do you, like, literary wanna go to prom?"
"Sorry, gurl," E says, "I got plans that day."
Lori watches him as he swaggers past, her arousal coursing down her legs. If Bobby didn't move away, she would totally fuck him right now...while pretending he was E.
If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you'd never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd never let you go
E brushes his hand over his flaxen hair as he passes Carol Pingrey. She bites her lower lip and twirls a strand of her blonde hair around her finger. "Hi, E," she says, "do you wanna come over to my house? We can study a little -" her eyes flick appreciatively from his feet to his head - "biology."
E shakes his head. "Nah, I'm good."
Disappointment crosses Carol's face, and she slumps her shoulders.
All these hos tryna get with him. Man, it can be nice but it get old, especially when he only had room in his heart for one. Sorry, ladies, The Bodacious E is into monogamy. He turns a corner, and Luan Loud's jaw drops, revealing her braces. "I dream of kissing you every night," she blurts, and her face flushes.
E points a finger at her and winks. "Keep dreaming."
Tell me what you like yeah tell me what you don't
I could be your Buzz Lightyear, fly across the globe
I don't ever wanna fight yeah, you already know
I'mma make you shine bright like you're laying in the snow
Burr
Next come Harold and Howard McBride. Harold checks him out as he walks by; Howard gasps and slaps his husband across his face. "How dare you!"
E smirks to himself. Yeah, I'm sexy, fellas, but I'm not into ya'll. I'm into...someone else.
Finally, he reaches his destination, and his heart begins to race. He's sexy and could have any girl he wants, but he's nervous nevertheless; how can you not be when you tryna get with the most perfect angel in the world?
He climbs a step of steps and knocks on a door.
Girlfriend, girlfriend, you could be my girlfriend
You could be my girlfriend until the w-w-world ends
Make you dance do a spin and a twirl and
Voice going crazy on this hook like a whirlwind
Swaggy
It opens, and E's stomach knots. His mouth is dry and all thought runs away from him.
"Uh, hi," Lincoln Loud says.
"H-Hey, Linc," E says, "I was just wonderin'...you wanna hang?"
Fifteen minutes later.
E is stretched out prone on Lincoln's bed, naked save for socks like the little twink he is. Lincoln runs his hands over E's back and prods his butt with his massive eleven-year-old dick. E's body burns with fever. "Do it," he moans breathlessly.
Lincoln grabs his shoulders and thrusts into E's ass.
If I was your boyfriend, never let you go
Keep you on my arm girl, you'd never be alone
I can be a gentleman, anything you want
If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd never let you go
A mixture of pleasure and pain radiates through E as Lincoln pounds his butt walls. He clamps his teeth on the pillow and holds onto the cover.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ey
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ey
If I was your boyfriend
After that, Lincoln was his boyfriend...and E was never happier.