April 15, 2007
2 years. It had been two years since Mr Krabs had talked of his old navy days to Spongebob and Squidward. After the ending of last time, the topic had seemed buried, but something that had happened recently had caused Mr Krabs to want to finish the story. Only a few days ago, he and Plankton had revealed the origin of their feud to the patrons and Krab's employees.
That talk had gotten Krabs reminiscing about the past, and he had decided that he might as well finish the rest of his life story. He set up a table with three barrel chairs, one for him and two for his employees. He then yelled,
"Spongebob, Squidward, front and center!"
Spongebob instantly ran up to him and saluted, yelling,
"Aye Aye captain Krabs sir!"
Squidward shuffled to them and groggily asked,
"What is it this time Eugene?"
Mr Krabs motioned for the two to sit down, and when they did, he sat down as well, and began by saying,
"It's time you gentlemen learned the full story of me life. You already know the first 9 years, but I want to tell you the rest."
Spongebob then yelled,
"YOUR PAST?! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH, DAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA-"
Squidward slapped Spongebob in the face, then told Krabs,
"Oh joy, another one of your thrilling navy tales."
Krabs ignored Squidward's sarcasm and began the story by saying,
"You already know the first 9 years of my life, how I used to be friends with Plankton and how that ended up falling apart. But before that, me father…me father and mother met at school prom, and well….I was conceived when they got a little too drunk and, well, did you-know-what."
Squidward muttered,
"These stories always somehow involve sex."
Spongebob asked Squidward,
"What's sex?"
Before Squidward could respond, Krabs said,
"Ok, let's get back on track. Me father and mother were forced to stay together, and me father turned to piracy to provide for us. But on his first mission…he was lost at sea. After that me mother had to split custody of me between her and me grandfather. I'm gonna skip when I was a kid because you already know all about that."
Spongebob and Squidward waited for Krabs to continue his story. After a brief pause Krabs continued,
"After me and Plankton became enemies, I managed to make enough money with the Krabby Patties for me mother to move into her own house, and me to move into me own. After a failed job, I signed up for the navy. The great pacific war had begun, and they needed good naval men. After the last story I told ye, we received a note..."
October 9th, 1967
Eugene looked out to the distance on his ship. It had been months since Captain Scarfish had been overthrown. After he and the pirate queen had their brief spite of passion, Krabs had let her go. He still wondered if what he had done was the right thing. His first mate, Jack Squarepants, then walked into a room holding a note. He told Krabs,
"We got a letter, Eugene."
Jack gave Krabs the note, which he quickly opened. Eugene read the note, which said,
"Eugene Harold Krabs, you and your men are to be transferred to a battleship. Head to a training base at once."
Eugene was shocked, but at the same time….excited. He looked at Jack and smiled, which confused the middle aged sponge. Eugene told him,
"I've been waiting my entire time in the navy for this moment! A chance for real action!"
Jack was concerned at Krab's eagerness, and watched him scurry to the deck. He hoped that Eugene knew what he was doing. The crab turned the steering wheel and began the trek to the island. The other crewmates were soon made aware of where they were going, and were also excited that they would be seeing some action.
After a while, they arrived at the island, docking and heading down. They went to the training camp, and when they got there they were met with a giant buff red fish. The fish, whose name was Smithey Yurben, told the 6 navymen,
"Alright you pussies, the next 2 months will be the most hellish you've ever faced. SO GET TO IT!"
The 6 men saluted and got to work.
'That old egg wasn't wrong. He put us through one hell of a training regime. If we weren't doing exercise, we would be only eating and sleeping. But we persevered like the manly men we were. After it was all done, we stood at the deck ready to head out…'
Smithey stood in front of the navy men, telling them,
"Alright men, your training is complete. You are now the toughest of the tough. You're ready for the front lines. I'm…proud of you. Now go and defend your nation!"
The 6 men saluted and got onto the ship, riding away.
'It was only a few days before our first battle…'
The 6 navy men were on their new ship, which they named the SS crustacean after their captain. Iron eye and Torpedo Belly were on the cannons, Mutton Chop was manning the engineering systems along with Lockjaw Jones, Jack was holding binoculars looking out for enemy forces, and Krabs was at the steering wheel. All of the men were tense.
As Jack looked out, he suddenly saw something. A giant shape loomed in the distance, and was getting closer and closer. On top of the shape was a smaller creature. Jack, realizing what this was, yelled,
"Incoming!"
Krabs's eyes widened as the sight became clear. It was a giant unevolved squid being ridden by an anchovy. The sight of the creature brought back bad memories of his encounter with the abominable snow mollusk. He gritted his teeth. He would not become food again. Krabs yelled to Iron eye and Torpedo belly,
"Open fire!!!"
The cannons fired and exploded on the squid. The creature screamed in pain, but then smashed the ship with one of its mighty tentacles. The anchovy soldier then ran on the tentacle and jumped off, attacking the ship directly. Eugene unsheathed his army knife in response and lunged at the Anchovy. The anchovy dodged his slice and attempted to strike Eugene, but the young crab parried it and lunged with a stab.
The anchovy dodged this too, and proceeded to let out a furious wave of strikes at Eugene, all while the squid mount continued to attempt to destroy the ship. Eugene had to admit that this guy was good, certainly well trained. Plus he needed to finish this battle quickly, or else the entire ship would be destroyed.
So, as the anchovy attempted to slice at Eugene's chest, the crab feigned a slice, but instead shot at the anchovy with his navy pistol. The anchovy was killed instantly, and Krabs ran towards the unevolved squid. He jumped on it;s head and attempted to stab it in the brain. However, the squid's skin wasn't affected by it. So Eugene made a plan B.
He yelled to the others,
"Focus yer fire on the skull!"
Eugene jumped off the squid as he heard it yell out in pain. Light blue blood and brain matter splattered all over him as the beast's carcass sank into the ocean. Eugene looked behind him and saw nothing there. The crab yelled out,
"Huzzah! The beast is dead!"
The crew all let out cries of huzzah, and Krabs looked out to the sun. They had this in the bag. They would return home all recognized as heroes. Oh how wrong he would turn out to be…