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Chapter One hundred and nine

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Facing Goodbyes and Goodnights

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Allie placed her napkin in her lap and looked at her father. "You seem even more happy than you were yesterday, if that is even possible!" Allie giggled as she lifted her spoon. "Are you excited to talk to Mrs. Thornton tonight?"

"I am Sweetheart, but there is more than that." Nathan sipped his coffee then explained. "Today, I learned from my commanding officer what possibilities are before me at Depot. I'd rather not share the details now, but it appears that future promotions will keep us in Regina. How do you feel about that?"

With teary eyes, Allie sighed "Oh, I am so relieved to hear that, Dad. We really won't have to move and I can stay at St. Anne's and you still get promoted?"

"That's what it looks like, Honey. There is something else. Uncle Zach has permission to be with us for Christmas Eve, dinner and the service, and for Christmas Day!"

"Really? Oh, I am so glad. I hated to think of him having to suffer through those Mountie speeches when we were all having fun." Allie excitedly added, "This is great!"

"There is more, Allie-girl." Nathan set his fork and knife on his plate so he wouldn't have any distractions. "What I will tell you now is private information. Only our closest relatives and people like Uncle Gabe or Uncle Bill will know this so, unfortunately, that means you won't be able to share this with your friends. Will you promise me this, Allie?"

"Dad, you are scaring me. What is it?" Seeing her father's serious expression, Allie quickly agreed. "I promise to keep this a family secret, Dad. Now, what is it?"

"When the renovations are completed at the main house, we will move in there. Grampa Peter and Gramma Carol are giving me the house, and this property." Nathan watched as shock, disbelief, tears and finally excited joy bubbled over.

"We get to live in the main house? When you get married that will be ours?" A sudden devastation crossed Allie's face as the joy evaporated into a panicked expression. "What about Gramma Carol and Grampa Peter. Where will they be?"

"You know Headquarters relocated to Ottawa this year, right? Well Grampa has remained here in Regina as long as he could. They will be moving to Ottawa over the coming months. They have a house there which is provided for the Commissioner, so they may leave some things behind and will move into the Cottage in order to stay here whenever Grampa needs to return for meetings or events. So we will see them, just not every day."

A quiet sob escaped as Allie placed her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands.

Rising from his chair, Nathan circled the table to squat down next to his crying daughter. He rested his arm around her shaking shoulders and she turned to engulf him in her arms, letting her tears soak his shoulder.

"It's hard isn't it? Another goodbye?" Nathan stroked her hair as he whispered into her ear. "We have grown to love them and they love us too, Honey. They will still be one of your multiple sets of grandparents, you know? We will always be family to each other so their visits will be very special." Nathan quieted and let Allie's tears subside.

"Mother? Father? Would you mind if I borrowed the car to take Jack with me to visit the cemetery? I think tomorrow would be a good day to go and I can get a small Christmas wreath in town to lay on the stone."

"You may, Elizabeth, but would you like me, or your mother and me, to accompany you? It's okay if you prefer to go alone, but we could watch Jack if you want some private moments." William also suggested, "We could all pray together too, as a meaningful moment of farewell and thanksgiving for Jack."

"Oh!" Elizabeth was immediately teary, thinking about how alone she had felt at her husband's funeral, but how wonderful that she was surrounded by family now. Struggling to speak, she only whispered, "Yes. Please."

"Do you have a preferred time, Sweetheart?" Grace stood standing behind Elizabeth to comfort her daughter with a hug.

"Maybe, after lunch?" Fresh tears fell.

"Why the tears, Bessie?" William spoke soothingly. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

Giving Elizabeth privacy, Hudson took Jack out to the kitchen on the pretense of helping him with dessert.

"I felt so alone when Jack was buried. I mean, all my dear friends rallied around and comforted me, so I wasn't physically alone, but none of you came. I didn't have any family with me then, but I do now. Thank you for being here for me for all these months and for being willing to go with me tomorrow." Elizabeth blew her nose. "I think the finality of leaving is sinking in. It's another goodbye to Jack."

Choking up, William confessed. "I am sorry I didn't drop everything and come, Bessie. At least I should have been here. Can you forgive my negligence? Can you forgive me?"

Nodding, Elizabeth responded. "I forgive you, Dad. And I forgive you, Mother, for not coming as soon as you returned from Britain or when Jack was born. At least Julie was here for his Christening."

"We really failed you, Elizabeth. I am so grieved by how we neglected you, as your father said. We should have been here before now." Grace wiped the corners of her eyes, then with resolve, stated, "Now, I realize how much I have missed but I am determined not to miss anything going forward. I love you, dear daughter...very much."

Elizabeth took a deep breath as the connection was made.

"Grant residence, Nathan here," Came the immediate, and happy, answer.

"Nathan!" Elizabeth whispered. "Hi."

"Lisbeth, my Love!" Nathan hesitated. Her response sounded flat. "Honey, are you alright? You sound tired or something."

"How do you know that when I have only spoken two words?"

"I love you." Nathan reassured her softly. "I don't just listen with my ears, I listen with my heart. What is it?"

Elizabeth was silent as she tried to control her tears.

"Lisbeth? Honey?"

"I'm okay, Nathan. I just had an emotional realization and conversation with my parents a short time ago." She took a deep breath. "I thought I had recovered from that or I would have waited to call. I'm sorry."

"Can you tell me about it? I want to be there for you even when we are apart." Nathan offered quietly, praying even as he spoke.

"I don't want to hurt you, after all I've put you through already." She responded hesitantly.

Alarmed, Nathan sucked in a breath. He thought they were beyond this. "Please tell me."

"Okay. But don't be hurt? I'm still coming and I still love you and want our future more than anything. It's just that I am leaving and I realized I need to go to the cemetery and say goodbye. I already said goodbye and wrote that letter to Jack, but this time I am the one who is leaving and I need to go with Jack too." Elizabeth sucked in a breath. "Father was willing to loan me the car, but suggested that maybe he and mother could come as well and…" Despairing of trying to hold back more tears, she paused. "I… I fell apart."

Actually relieved, Nathan responded. "Oh, Honey. I am so sorry." He was quiet as a sudden memory of saying goodbye at Colleen's gravesite surfaced. He'd had to return to his post after picking up Allie and that visit to the cemetery had felt so final. To Elizabeth he whispered, "It is difficult. No matter what joy lies ahead, the goodbye is hard."

"It is." Somehow Elizabeth knew her Nathan would understand. "Father and Mother will go with us and he even offered to have a time of prayer as we say goodbye. I want that, yet it feels more important knowing that. Almost like another funeral…" She paused to explain. "You see no one from my family came when Jack died, not to the funeral nor after. Only Julie attended the Christening. Coming to care for me in September was my parents' first visit. I shared my hurt and they apologized, so we are okay now, but I felt the grief all over again."

"That happens sometimes, Honey. Grief comes in waves. I believe the waves' strength is diminished over time, but in my experience the grief hasn't completely disappeared and during momentous or important events the feelings resurface. You leaving Hope Valley is your physical removal from the place where Jack is buried so it is not a surprise that you feel grief again."

"Oh, Nathan. How is it that you are so understanding?" Elizabeth marveled, shaking her head. "You are so amazing."

"Honey. I had to do the same thing, over ten years ago now." Nathan's voice was low.

"I'm sorry… of course you did. Did you do it alone or with Allie or your mother or?"

"I think you know the answer to that question, Elizabeth." He paused a moment, then spoke one word. "Alone."

Somehow taking strength in knowing Nathan had withstood the challenge gave Elizabeth the fortitude to face tomorrow. She exhaled slowly then whispered. "I wish I could have been there for you back then, my Love, but I will be with you as soon as possible now." Wanting to redirect the conversation, she brightened. "What would you think about my coming sooner? Before Christmas?"

Taken aback, Nathan wasn't sure he had heard correctly. "Did you say, 'come before Christmas?' How did you know?"

"Know what, Nathan?" Confused, Elizabeth waited.

"I asked the Collins's if they could host you and Jack before the holiday and they welcomed the idea." Curious he inquired, "Did they call you?"

Laughter lightened the mood as Elizabeth enjoyed that she and Nathan were so frequently thinking alike. "No call, Honey. I asked my Father if we could travel this coming weekend and he and Mother had wondered if we might want that! He had already directed the Pullman to be here by Friday to begin to load!"

"A Pullman, eh?" Nathan was impressed. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised for a shipping magnate to have access to a private railcar! So, we have all been thinking the same! That's extraordinary! So what is your plan?"

"Ah… Thatcher Shipping owns the Pullman, Honey. It's not as luxurious as some, but it is lovely and comfortable. You hardly realize you are traveling except for the scenery whizzing past the window. Well, that and the whistles and chugs! Anyway, Jack is going to be mesmerized. He is already beyond excited to be going to see you and Allie! The train journey will be the icing on the c… cupcake!" Elizabeth laughed.

Chuckling, Nathan agreed. "I can imagine! So when will you depart? Or, more importantly, when will you arrive?"

"We decided that we will leave Saturday afternoon and arrive on Monday afternoon! Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

"Absolutely! You'll be here for Jack's birthday too! Oh my! What should we plan for that? Oh, and you'll bring back the tote right?" Questioned Nathan. "His birthday gifts are in there as well."

"I will. Don't worry. I have sorted what I need for Christmas and the weeks at the main house and the tote is with my trunk and that luggage. I am actually amazed at how quickly I have sorted and packed. Mother and Hudson have been wonderful and now that Julie is here she is helping too!"

"You'll be ready by then? It's not too rushed for you?" He wanted reassurance this dream was coming true. "Please tell me it's not too much for you?"

Elizabeth laughed. "I have a goal before me and I intend to make that train, Staff Sergeant Major Grant! I am fine. Well, except for a slight bout of tears today, I am fine. Now, how are you, Nathan?"

"Exceptionally fine, especially now." Nathan paused. "You didn't answer my question about Jack's birthday though! What shall I prepare?"

"Why don't you discuss it with Allie? She'll probably have lots of ideas. We have normally celebrated in the afternoon, then made the evening focused on Christmas Eve, with the traditional service." Elizabeth let a quiet squeal escape. "I'll be there to hear you and Allie sing!" Sobering, she continued. "I'll be there in time to plan and make Jack's birthday special, so don't worry. Just collect ideas, please?"

"We can do that! Allie will be thrilled. Oh…by the way, pray for Allie, please? I told her the news about the house becoming ours and for that she is excited and a bit shocked! Yet, she quickly became sorrowful as she understood that Peter and Carol will be moving away. I feel awful she has gotten so attached and this will be another loss, another goodbye for her. At least she will have a lot to fill her life, but she feels this keenly."

"Nathan, Honey, do not take this as though you have done this to her. She won't blame you and will adjust. She has a little brother arriving, plus me and I'll help her plan her new bedroom and… It isn't as if they won't visit sometimes…"

Nathan swallowed hard knowing he would also miss Peter and Carol who had become his family. Quickly shifting to discuss a safer subject, Nathan inquired. "How are you with Julie visiting? Anything I should know before she arrives along with you?"

"Julie has matured." Elizabeth explained what she had observed. "In-person she is more subdued than she used to be, yet she still shocks us with her comments and can be the life of a family gathering. We always laugh with Julie around and I think Allie will love her. You too, though you are at times more reserved. She has discovered her passion in her art and teaching so that is a blessing to observe." Elizabeth hesitated momentarily. "There is something else though. She is out on a dinner date with the psychiatrist's twin brother tonight. He is a surgeon in Hamilton and she immediately captured his attention and he hers! It's an interesting development!"

"Oh? Hope Valley works its magic again, eh? Is there anyone of our immediate acquaintances who is unattached now?" Chuckling Nathan admitted, "Well maybe it is just the place to enter to find love, even though it takes some longer than others!"

Elizabeth grinned. "And you are referring to whom, Sir?"

"Ahhh…" Nathan cleared his throat. "Well, for Julie and her Doctor… What is his name?"

"Bradley Marshall."

"For Julie and her Doctor Brad it only took seconds, for some of us it has taken years…" Teasingly he added. "Well worth the wait, but a long time!"

"Admittedly so, Honey." Elizabeth spoke tenderly even as she giggled. "Worth every agonizing day!"

"So, if you are planning to arrive so soon and won't be available to talk by telephone in a few days, shall we discuss our plans for the Christmas weekend? I need to inform Carol and Peter, Zach and Allie and decide menus and gatherings and…" Nathan gulped. "As joyous a celebration as this will be, it is far from the simple low-key Christmases that Allie and I are used to!"

After some discussion, Elizabeth and Nathan arrived at a mutually agreed upon schedule and Nathan had begun his list.

"You've written everything down, haven't you?" Smiling, Elizabeth knew the answer.

"You know me! Preparation is key. Oh, that and delegation! I don't want to forget anything and when you are here I won't want to be bothered with the details. I want to concentrate on you, figure out ways to get you alone and kiss you thoroughly!"

Throwing her head back as she laughed. "Oh, Nathan. I love you so much! I'll carry that promise into my dreams. I hear a car outside, so Julie is back. Sweet dreams yourself, my dearest Love."

"Oh, sweet dreams every night now and maybe forever! I love you, Sweet Lisbeth."

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The door opened as Elizabeth placed the receiver on the hook and a blushing Julie entered the row house, touching her cheek with her fingertips. Raising her eyebrow, Elizabeth examined her sister. "It looks as though you had a good evening?"

Placing her coat and scarf on the rack beside the door, Julie clasped her hands over her heart and turned to face Elizabeth. "It was heavenly! I will have sweet dreams tonight and Brad said he will as well!" Starry-eyed, Julie leaned against the back of the settee. "We are going to lunch and dinner tomorrow and have already made plans for the New Year once we are both back in Hamilton!" Julie blinked to control her emotions. "Bessie? I am so happy. I just adore that man!"

"Ah ha." As she stood from the desk, turned off the light and locked the front door, Elizabeth sent a silent prayer heavenward asking God for this man to be the one who would be a match for her little sister. Aloud she only said, "Well, we can talk more in the coming days. Good night…" Elizabeth touched her sister's arm while using a baby name from long ago. "For now, sweet dreams to you Little-lee.."

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