'Dear friend,
It seems months have passed since we last spoke. But, when I focus I realize it has only been a handful of days, a week at most. The air in Aretuza has never felt as cold as it does now. We spent the better parts of the last couple of days rebuilding. I believe you'd quite enjoy the look your room has now. Forgive me for the way this letter reads, I cannot stop my rambling mind, I have so much to say. So much I wish I had said.'
Yennefer pauses, her quill tilting in her hand as she shuts her eyes tight against the onslaught of emotions bubbling to the surface. Her tired, violet eyes burn behind her eyelids as she thinks of so many missed opportunities.
She slowly takes in a deep breath, and holds it for a beat, before forcing her shoulders down and exhaling. Yennefer opens her eyes again, readjusts her grip on the quill, and refocuses her eyes on the parchment in front of her.
'There's so much of you still here, dear friend.'
Yennefer's body betrays her as she lets out a choked breath after writing that line. She forces herself to shut all of the emotions down deep, but her eyes dart around the room, taking in everything that was, is, Ti-
Yennefer blows out a puff of air as she runs her hand through her dark hair, frustrated with the manic jumble of impulsive thoughts running through her mind, refusing to think about it. Refusing to think about her directly like that.
She picks up the quill that she had dropped unceremoniously onto the page in front of her and furrows her brow as she scrutinizes the blot of ink left on her carefully penned paragraph. Yennefer shakes her head slightly, trying to compose herself as she restarts her writing.
'My home was never the structure. It was never this building. Did you know that already? Did you know that my home was the people? The connections I have made? I should have written to you sooner. I should have written more frequently. I've always been such a stubborn Piglet, haven't I, dear friend?
I had hoped that, once things had settled slightly...perhaps after finding solace in knowing that the bond between us, between your girls, was something that could never be shaken...and after we managed to stop them from tearing down what Aretuza truly is...That you and I, that we, could have lived a peaceful, wonderfully boring life, devoid of all sensation.
But that's never been the case for us, has it? Not when it's you and I, dear friend.
I had hoped we could rebuild.
I had hoped we could take them down, together, all of us, and reclaim this land, this palace as ours.
I had hoped we could keep the girl, my girl, safe. Hoped that we could teach her all the things I was always too stubborn to learn in ways that weren't so difficult.
Had I simply not been so pigheaded, I may have been able to come to you sooner with my findings. We would have been able to stop this ungodsly chain of events, dear friend.
A peaceful, wonderfully boring life, devoid of all sensation is a real privilege, and I wish that we could have managed to have some semblance of it.
Together.
Your friend,
Yennefer'
'Dear friend,
Have the nights always been so frigid here, or is it because it no longer has your warmth to draw from?
Your chambers are lit with a roaring fire, the way I imagine you like it, yet it's doing nothing to fend off the chill I feel.
My body is sore, my mind more, at having lost the ever-present connection I had with you. Did you mean for me to be able to feel you, always, dear friend?
Did you know that I could do so? Part of me must have always known it wasn't simply my imagination when I could sense you. Sense your chaos.
It's not fair that I never realized it before that day. If I had taken some time and reflected upon it, perhaps I would have come to a more certain conclusion about my abilities to sense you, feel you, know you. Yet the fates have never been too kind to us, have they, dear friend?
You have never been one to outwardly show what you were thinking or feeling, usually, but you always made it a point to be honest with me, especially if I asked you outright.
I wish I could have been more forthcoming. I wish I didn't keep things so close to my chest. You have proven time and again that you are and have always been on my side, dear friend. I shouldn't have kept you quite so far away.
Your friend,
Yennefer'
'Dear friend,
Ciri would make you so proud. My daughter. My girl. You would have loved her. You would have enjoyed the life and vibrancy she carries with her. You also would have taken great pleasure in seeing me go through some of the same obstacles as you while you were dealing with me.
I regret not telling you just how much you mean to me.
Part of me hopes you knew. There's a part of me that believes you must have always known. There's not a singular part of me that you don't know.
You know me to my core, dear friend.
I regret that I never showed you the depths and vastness of what I feel for you.
It's so easy to see it, looking back. It's so easy to see the numerous opportunities I had to simply humble myself and admit what I was feeling.
What I am feeling.
It never came out, but I think you knew that it wouldn't.
The knowing look you always had in your eyes makes so much sense to me now. I was a coward. I could tell everyone else how much you mean to me, yet I couldn't bring myself to truly tell you that you are my everything.
My everything, dear friend.
Your friend,
Yennefer'
'Dear friend,
I have officially fully moved into your chambers. I hope you don't mind.
I hope it brings you great pleasure seeing the girls whisper to each other as I stride down these halls, as you once did, carrying your amulet with me.
Always with me.
Ciri is blooming into everything I had hoped you would be able to help her become, and I owe it all to you, still, dear friend.
I feel you here. She feels you here. We all sense you in some way, keeping us safe, and watched over. Protected.
My dear friend, my dearest of friends, how I miss your eyes smiling at me even while your lips and words sassed back at me.
Aretuza is thriving, dear friend. I have made sure that your sacrifice was not in vain. And if ever you somehow could make it back to me, in another life, rebirthed, through some conduit, I would love nothing more than to show you all the things we have done to honor you. All the things that I have done to honor you, dear friend.'
Yennefer puts down the quill and gently picks up the pipe that sits beside the ink well lifts it to her lips and inhales softly.
She considers the page in front of her a moment, relishing in the feel of Tissaia's pipe in her hands before picking up the quill and continuing to write to her.
'I shouldn't have left you alone. I regret that as well. Your guard was up too high for it to be expected behavior. Your guard, your walls had never been that high against me. And I should have sensed something was off when I couldn't hear you.
I felt you, dear friend. I felt the danger you were in. I felt you leave.'
Yennefer screws up her face mournfully as she physically feels and remembers that moment.
A shuddering breath leaves her body as she tries to calm her heart at the memories.
'I felt you leave me. My heart still aches. My wrists. My mind. Every molecule in my entire being felt you while you were alive, and every single part of my being felt the loss of you, instantly, when you left.
There are days that I am angry. Angrier than I have ever been in all of my time spent alive, thinking about what could have been, what I could have done, what I shouldn't have done. And when I start to weep I get even angrier with myself because I can do nothing to stop what has already come to pass.
I cannot let you go, dear friend. I know it's perhaps my greatest downfall, and if you were here you would tell me I need to try and move on, lest this be used against me, but I regret to inform you that there will never come a day that I will not hold you close to me, dear friend. Is this an exploitable weakness? Perhaps, if one wants to look at it that way.
However, I am no longer ashamed of showing my emotions. The world, the universe, the various planes, let them all know how much you mean to me, dear friend. For I have nothing left to lose when I have already lost you.
I am fearless.
Your friend,
Yennefer'
'Dear friend,
My fearlessness that I spoke of before is exactly what is going to bolster my abilities to bring you back to me. I will bend time and space itself. Your legacy will not end where you believe it did. Your legacy will continue, dear friend. We are not done here. I am not done here, I have too much to tell you, too much to show you. I will make you proud. I will make sure you have the choice, but it will be just that, a choice, not something you think you must do. We are not done here, dear friend.
Yours, always,
Yennefer'