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-27-
Bella
July 9, 2023
Lighthouse Cove, Maine
I wake up early, despite how late I was up last night. Not from anything fun, like fooling around with Edward.
No, it was overthinking that kept me up.
I can't help it. Even though Edward is clear about only worrying about now, I'm haunted by the dwindling hours before I leave the island again.
I finally got out of bed around four, and headed for a run on the beach to clear my head.
It hasn't helped that much, but the endorphins have been nice this morning anyway.
I head back to the house after my run, eager for a shower before I start my day.
I see Alice sitting on the porch as I head toward the house, and she smiles at me, picking up a second cup of coffee beside her in offering. I jump up the stairs, falling into a seat next to her, and take the cup gratefully.
"Thanks," I croak before taking a long swig. I don't know how Alice knew I was out and needed coffee, as well as her company, but I'm not surprised. That's who Alice is; observant and kind.
"What got you up so early?"
I take another sip, glancing at her. "I went for a run."
For a moment, Alice is quiet, and I finally look at her. She looks patient, serene, and open. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks, clearly seeing I have something on my mind.
I let out a breath. "I kissed Edward."
Alice's eyebrows shoot up, but other than that, she doesn't respond. I turn back toward the water, my hands tapping my mug.
"He invited me to meet his family today." I continue, thinking back to his parting invitation last night. I could tell he meant it casually, but I couldn't help but freak out mildly over it.
"You know his family," Alice points out. I glance at her, and I can tell she knows what I mean. She clears her throat. "You're panicking," she observes quietly.
"Ali, you know how I am with families," I groan, shaking my head.
"You're great with people," she provides. "Plus, you've met Esme, and we've known Carlisle for years."
"Yeah, but not like this," I say before sipping my coffee. "And then there is his sister and his niece and nephews and brother-in-law…" my voice trails off, and I look at Alice. "Why is it so scary?"
Alice smiles as she brings her mug up to her mouth. She looks like she has a secret, but she takes her time sipping her coffee before answering.
"Because it must mean something to you," she says finally, looking at me. "You wouldn't be scared if he was just some guy."
I swallow my immediate snarky retort because in my core I know she's right, even if I don't want her to be.
"What am I doing, Ali?" I groan, folding my legs up under me so that my heels are resting on the bench, my coffee cup balanced on my knees.
"What do you mean?"
I glance at her. "I'm not going to just move to Lighthouse Cove and work the ferry with him," I say, my voice slightly sharper than it needs to be. "You know I can't settle yet."
Alice frowns. "Is he asking you to?"
I hesitate, then shake my head. "No, not even a little bit."
Alice nods. "Okay, so what's the problem?"
I let out a breath. The problem, I realize, is how much I like him.
"Nothing," I say instead, my gaze turning out toward the water.
"Do you want to know what I think?"
I look at Alice, trying to gauge whether or not I want to hear her take. I trust her completely, and she's one of two people in the world that actually knows me, but I'm not sure I'm ready for her to shed light on the chaos in my mind.
I take a long sip of my coffee before nodding. "Yes," I whisper, half-hoping she doesn't hear me.
Alice sips her coffee before setting the mug down and turning toward me.
"I think you've made yourself a world you can control, and Edward might be as independent and unpredictable as you are." Her head tilts toward me, and she smiles. "I think you've been keeping people away for so long, the only part of caring for someone you can remember is the part that can consume you."
"I don't want to be consumed by this," I say, panicked at the thought.
Alice nods. "I know. And not all caring leads to losing yourself. It's been a long time since you let anyone into your heart. You've learned those lessons."
I glance at her nervously, but thankfully she doesn't bring up his name. The ex that was the reason I had to learn these things the hard way.
I shift on my seat. "I don't want to be lost," I whisper, tears springing to my eyes so suddenly, I focus my gaze out on the sea.
"You know yourself now," Alice points out. "And Edward doesn't strike me as the kind of person who wants to possess."
I nod in agreement. Edward doesn't want to possess me. It's a noticeable difference to the last serious boyfriend I let myself have. Where as he had been desperate for me to crave him, Edward has given me space, given me options, allowed me to say no.
It's a type of relationship I've never really known.
I take another long sip of coffee and glance at Alice. "How are things with Jasper?"
Alice blushes delicately, and I grin against my mug. "We slept together yesterday," she says, a playful smile spreading over her face.
I gape at her. "What."
Alice motions toward the house. "He's upstairs right now."
I glance at the house as if I can see him before turning back to Alice. When our eyes meet, we both burst into giggles. I'm shocked but oh so pleased for my best friend. I haven't seen her this young and playful in years. She has matured so much, had to grow so wise and strong for her family, that she's rarely ever this, a young woman still discovering what she wants in life, and having fun learning.
"I'm dying to know how it was," I tell her, not wanting to push her for too many details. Before Peter died, there wasn't much Rose and I didn't know about their sex life, but everything changed when he got sick.
Alice hums as she takes a sip of her coffee. "Rejuvenating," she says in a teasing voice. We both snicker. "No, it was… it was fun." Her eyes are bright as is her smile. "I am having so much fun."
Her words sink into my heart, making me ache a little for her. I love Alice fiercely, and I feel horrible that she's been denied something like fun for so long.
"I like Jasper," I tell her, turning toward her. She looks at me. "Peter would have liked him too." I motion toward her, unsure if I'm crossing a line. "He'd be thrilled to see that smile on your face again."
For a moment, Alice looks like she might cry, but then her smile is stretching wider and she reaches out, one hand covering mine. She gives me a small squeeze. "I think so too."
She turns her gaze back to the water, the smile still across her lips.
I study my friend's profile. My friend who has loved so deeply and had such a devastating loss at a young age.
How does she do it? How can she possibly believe in trying anything again when she's gone what she's gone through?
How does she learn to heal from the scars that have buried themselves into her heart?
I turn toward the beach and suck in a deep breath.
If Alice can be brave enough to try again, then so can I.
…
I tug uselessly at the hem of my sundress, regretting wearing it at all. The outfit has been signed off on by the girls, but I'm still self-conscious in it.
It looks like I'm trying too hard, and since I hate when people do that, the longer I stare at myself in the mirror, the more I hate it.
The sound of someone climbing the porch gets my attention, and I let out a breath, dropping my dress. No time to change now.
I gather my purse and the tray of cookies I've baked as a host guest for Edward's parents. It feels like I'm trying too hard again, but the cookies are one of the only things I can whip together even black out drunk, and they are always a success. Since I need some positive points in my corner tonight, I clutch the tray as I make my way to the door.
Edward is standing on the other side of the screen when I approach, and I feel my stomach flip.
He's dressed in a light blue polo and khaki shorts. Casual, comfortable, but sinfully delicious. I don't know why the collar amps up how hot he is, but it does. Briefly, I wonder what he'd look like in a suit, and I'm fucking disappointed that I'll likely never know.
"Hey," I say, opening the door. He steps back as the door swings open.
"Hey," he says, glancing down at the tray in my hands. "What's this?"
I take a breath. "Cookies, for your parents, for having me over."
Edward doesn't say anything, and I feel like the world's biggest idiot. This was such a bad idea.
I'm about to turn and throw them back into the house, when Edward gently lifts his hands, taking the tray.
"My mom will lose her shit over this," he warns, a smile pulling at his lips. My stomach twists in my core.
"I'm not like a master chef," I warn. "Don't expect anything extraordinary."
Edward grins and steps back to allow me all the way out of the front door. I turn to close it before looking back at him.
"Ready?" he asks.
I nod, glancing toward the driveway. "No van today?"
Edward shakes his head as we head down the porch. "No, my parents live close by."
I'm surprised by this, though I'm not sure why. Obviously, it makes sense that Carlisle would be nearby, given the business he's built, but I've never thought about him existing anywhere outside of his boat.
Much like I'd never thought of Edward until now.
It's embarrassing to admit to myself how self-absorbed I've been.
Edward leads me down the boardwalk toward the other island homes. I've explored the area often, though I've never given much thought about who might live here. I know most of the houses are seasonal homes.
"So, how's your boat?" I ask, then feel like an idiot over my stunning lack of conversational skills.
"She's good," Edward says, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Due for a little stretch though."
My mind is a gutter, and in an instant, I think of the approximately 482 ways I wouldn't mind Edward stretching me.
I let out a breath and look at the ground to try to get a fucking grip.
"What does that mean?" I ask, when I can breathe again.
"I might sail down the coast a bit. Just overnight, nothing too far. I like to run her every once in a while to make sure everything is still working properly."
Why do ships have to be called her? If I didn't know better, I'd be jealous of a damn boat.
I look up at him. "Do you sail by yourself?"
"Typically," he says, shrugging one shoulder. "There's solace in the water that I don't usually find with other people around."
I more than understand that. "I get it," I tell him. "Sometimes there is nothing like resetting yourself by being alone with your thoughts, and the world around you."
Edward nods, his eyes glancing over me.
"Exactly," he says quietly.
We continue on in silence, only stopping when we approach an adorable white house with blue shutters.
"This is it," Edward says, motioning toward the steps of the wrap-around porch. I take a shaking breath, trying to steady myself as he climbs the stairs.
The moment we're in front of the screen door, the front door opens and a tall woman with thick bronze hair is grinning at us.
"Edward!" she says, pushing the door open. She nearly clips us in her excitement. "And Bella! We're so glad to have you join us!" she says, reaching out to me. I'm in her arms in an instant, being pulled into a hug that smells of oleander.
I've met Esme Cullen only once before, a couple of years ago when she was riding the ferry with Carlisle while he worked. They'd been almost sickeningly cute together
"Hi, Esme," I say, feeling self-conscious once again.
"It's so nice to see you, sweet girl. Come in and let me get you a drink." She ushers us inside and leads me to a living room. The interior of the house is nautical, unsurprisngly, with antique navigational devices on display on the walls and in the built-in bookcases along one wall. Everything in the room feels like it's been gathered by the circumstances of living a specific kind of life, rather than curated for an aesthetic.
There is honesty in the Cullen home I don't often see in other houses.
"Take a seat. What can I get you to drink?" she asks, gently pushing me into a thickly plush navy sofa.
"Gin and tonic?" I ask. Esme beams and taps her nose.
"Girl after my own heart. Coming up." She turns to head off when Edward stops her.
"Bella made you cookies," he says, holding the tray up. Esme whips around and looks at me in surprise.
"Bella, you didn't have to!" she gushes, taking the tray. She peeks under the foil and grins. "Oh, these smell delicious. I might have to sneak one," she says, winking my way. I grin and she whisks the plate to the kitchen while Edward sits on the sofa next to me.
I'm about to comment to him about the energy of his mom, but I don't have time before Carlisle is coming into the room. I stand to offer him a quick hug, thanking him for having me over as we both settle into seats. He takes the brown leather armchair across from me, folding his long legs over one another. It's the same position his son is currently sitting in beside me.
"We're happy to have you," Carlisle tells me. "Esme's been wanting to bring you girls by for years now."
I grin as she comes back into the room setting a beautiful crystal cut glass in my hands. She takes her own glass and holds it up to me, winking before she takes a seat in the chair beside Carlisle. Edward gets up, and I watch him cross the room to a bar cart where he pours two glasses of scotch. He hands one to his father before settling back next to me.
"I'm happy to be here," I tell them honestly. I take a sip of my drink and groan lightly. "Esme, this is delicious."
She beams at me. "Thank you, darling. It's my specialty."
"So how are things at the house?" Carlisle asks, drawing my attention to him.
"Great," I tell him. "Things are always perfect out here," I say, shrugging.
Everyone smiles. "It is such a slice of heaven, isn't it?" Esme sighs, her eyes turning to the large bay windows behind me.
"Do you live here year-round?"
"We do now," Carlisle says, glancing around the house. "This was my parent's place. We've been here full-time since Edward left for college."
I glance at Edward who nods, sipping his drink.
"So you lived on the mainland?" I ask, glancing back at his parents. They nod in confirmation.
"Where did you grow up, Bella?"
I feel myself starting to relax as I chat with Esme and Carlisle. They are kind and easy-going, which I knew, on some level, but conveniently forgot as I prepared for today.
At some point, the door bursts open and the three kids from the fair come barreling in, shouting over one another. Esme gets up to greet her grandchildren with kisses before she rushes to help who I assume is Kate with a casserole dish.
I stand when she and her husband enter the living room, self-consciously smoothing down my dress.
"Kate, this is Bella. Bella, Kate and her husband Garrett," Edward says standing to introduce us. I offer them my hand. Kate has Esme's easy smile.
"Bella, it's great to meet you," she says before one of her sons comes running past. "If the kids ever slow down, I'll introduce you to them," she says chuckling.
We settle in the living room again, but it's not long until the noise of Kate's children takes over the house.
Edward turns to me as Kate and Esme work to round the kids up. "Can I offer you a tour?" he asks.
I nod, finishing off my drink. "Sure."
We stand, and Edward takes our glasses, setting them down on coasters before motioning me out of the living room. He points to the stairs, so I head up, curious.
The whole house is done in tones of navy and white, with seashells littered on nearly every surface.
"Up here was my room," Edward says, pointing left off the landing. We head down a hall, past a seashell-themed bathroom and what looks like another bedroom. Edward cracks open the door to his room, and I step in.
"Did you live in this house?" I ask, glancing around.
"Somewhat," Edward answers. "I spent summers here with my grandparents, and this is where I'd come home during college." He's standing by the door, and I'm not sure if it's because he's uncomfortable with me in his room, or if it's because he's trying to give me space to explore.
My eyes scan across his bookcase, curious as I read the titles.
"You like reading," I observe, noting the cracked spines on all the books.
I look back at him in time to see him nod. "I do," he confirms.
"Do you have a favorite book?" I ask.
Edward snorts. "Do you have a favorite plant?" he counters.
I grin and shake my head, turning back to his bookcase. It's a fair point.
I travel toward his desk, and I can't help but bend over to explore the small collection of treasures he's gathered there. Sea glass, sea shells, what looks like half of a spyglass… his collection is thorough.
I turn toward him, curious. "Have you always loved the sea?"
Edward nods, pushing off the door frame and coming toward me. The door swings shut behind him with a gentle click.
"Yeah," he says softly, reaching past me to pick up something from the desk. "It's always been so interesting to me."
He's standing so close to me, and he smells so good. My face is nearly buried in his chest, and I indulge myself, leaning forward to inhale deeply.
His hand slides onto my hip as he pauses what he's reaching for. My fingers move, clutching the bottom of his polo as I gaze up his body at his face.
"Hi," I whisper, realizing that though we haven't even come close to reaching any sort of casual physical intimacy, part of me wants to reach out and kiss him.
I hesitate, biting my lip.
"What are you thinking?" he asks, his voice low and quiet.
"I want to kiss you," I say, surprised by my honesty.
Edward grins and shifts his body so that his head is bending down toward me. We're standing so close, I almost have to arch my back to kiss him.
His lips are firm but soft as his hands slide around my hips. He lifts me up, surprising me, and sets me on the edge of his desk before stepping between my legs. My dress is restricting us, and in my desperation, I push it up my thighs.
His fingers land on the newly exposed skin of my legs, and I shudder at the burning contact.
It's wildly inappropriate, but the moment I feel his fingers on my flesh, I want more.
My legs swing around his hips, trying to hook him closer, and my hands sink under his polo, exploring his strong back.
Edward lets out a soft groan against my mouth, breaking our kiss to suck in a breath. I can feel his fingers shift up my thigh, and I gaze up at him, dying to know what he'll do.
His eyes meet mine, searching, waiting.
He's waiting for permission, I realize.
I lick my lips, trying to find the courage to take the plunge.
I let go of him, my hands slipping out from under his polo as I lean back on the desk. My right hand comes up grabbing his fingers that are resting on my thigh.
My eyes locked on his, I slowly lead his hand further up under my dress.
We both let out heavy breaths as his fingers brush the thin cotton of my underwear. I know I've already soaked through the pair, just by being around Edward, and I know he can feel that now.
He leans forward, kissing me harder, his tongue slipping past my lips, stroking and teasing me.
I gasp against his mouth, allowing him deeper access. Below my waist, his fingers stroke slowly up and down, traveling over my thigh, across my panties, then up and down the other thigh.
My body is shaking under his ministrations, undulating with a need to find some sort of friction.
He breaks our kiss, and I feel his hand start to slip away from under my dress.
"Wait," I gasp, shifting forward to grab his wrist. "Please." I'm not above begging, and if Edward is surprised by my response, he doesn't show it. Instead, he slides his fingers back up, gently pressing against me through the cotton.
"I want to come on your fingers," I tell him, my voice a ragged pant as I try to focus through the haze of desire he's spun me into.
Edward groans, his mouth finding mine again as his fingers push aside my underwear and carefully slide up and down my pussy. It's an electric shockwave of heat as his fingers trace over my aching flesh.
"Please," I chant against his mouth. "Please, please."
Edward's lips move down my throat, sucking and nipping at my flesh as his fingers finally sink into me.
I gasp, my head throwing backward as I ride his long digits. He's pumping me carefully, each stroke so expertly timed that my whole body is shaking, every nerve on end.
"Come for me, Bella," he whispers against my throat. "Come now."
His thumb rubs against my clit as his fingers sink completely in me. I cry out, my toes curling, heart stuttering, head falling backwards as I come apart on his desk. I can feel his lips on my throat, feel the tickle of his stubble against my hypersensitive skin.
It's the best orgasm I've had in years, possibly ever. I don't know how he's managed to build up such sweet torture in me, but it's left me reeling.
My eyes flutter open, landing on his bright green orbs. I grin, almost shy, as I sit up and press a soft kiss to his mouth. He's tender in his responding kiss, so much so that it makes me want to cry.
When he pulls back, he runs a hand through my hair, settling his palm at the nape of my neck while his other hand carefully slips out of me.
"You okay?" He asks.
"Mmm," I hum, licking my lips. "More than."
Edward smirks, and I feel his thumb trace my hairline.
"We should probably get downstairs before my mom comes looking for us," he advises. I nod and start to scoot off his desk when he stops me. I look up at him curiously.
"Bella, I…" he pauses, looking a little lost for words. Suddenly I'm self-conscious. Did he not like how I sounded? Did I have a horrible cum face? What if he…
Whatever fear I have is gone when he bends down to kiss me again. He tastes like sunshine and the sea, and what I wouldn't give for some time to spend exploring the taste of the rest of him.
"I'm glad you're here," he says, breaking the kiss. "Thank you for coming."
I giggle and he smirks at me.
"Thank you for making me come," I tell him, grinning. He lets out a low chuckle and shakes his head.
"What I mean is, my parents aren't the only ones who've wanted to get to know you better."
His words are a little sobering, and I bite my lip, not sure how to respond. I like Edward, I truly do, but I can't help but feel the ticking clock hanging over us.
What do I do when the time runs down?
I lean forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, willing him to understand without words the complex feelings swirling in me.
The way he kisses me back, his fingers gently flexing behind my neck, his lips soft and yielding, I can tell he understands completely.
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