Chapter 4

The next several days pass with Rachel celebrating the Berry's version of Christmas; take out and Christmas music specials. Their Hanukkah celebrations are more formal. Quinn spends half her Christmas with her mom at her new church away from Russell and his demanding Christian values, and the other half with Mercedes and her family. Quinn always spends half the day with Mercedes on the major holidays ever since she took her in as a pregnant teenager.

The bond she has with the Jones family is something deeply personal to Quinn, and she feels she will never be able to communicate to them just how much she appreciates what they did for her when she needed family support the most.

It's New Year's Eve and Quinn is going to see Rachel for the first time since they woke up tangled together after the last glee club reunion party. Rachel is hosting the party since her father's are out of town at their own party with their old college friends.

Quinn can't help but feel jittery. Her and Rachel never discussed the whole kissing girls at Yale thing Santana couldn't wait to mention. Quinn doesn't believe she got out of that line of questioning with Rachel. That'd be too easy for the way her life goes.

Quinn looks at herself one final time in the mirror. She's wearing black jeans, a black sheer long sleeve top that has glitter woven in with a black bra underneath. She tops it off with silver strappy heels that she knows she will regret when her old injuries from her car wreck start to get agitated. The outfit is a little more revealing and adult than she has ever worn around the glee club outside of their weird, too mature for high school students, glee performances. Oddly enough, those were usually the performances Mr. Schue would insert himself in. Quinn always thought Sue was a little justified in some of the comments she would make towards him.

She promised Rachel she would help set up before the party and then clean up after. Quinn shows up to Rachel's before the others arrive. Rachel opens the door and throws her arms around Quinn.

"I'm so glad you're here! Daddy and I pregamed together a little too hard so I'm behind on setting out the veggie trays because I don't trust myself with a knife right now." Rachel says this into Quinn's shoulder, yet to release her. After she and Quinn had their "talk" at Santana's, Rachel has been more open with her physical affection towards her.

Quinn's mind finally catches up and she starts to wrap her arms around Rachel's waist in return. "I can handle the veggies." Quinn reassures her. "You got drunk with Hiram?"

Rachel steps back and brushes her hair out of her face. She's wearing a shiny light pink jumpsuit with a deep V-cut that shows off the tan she permanently has since graduating high school. "Not drunk! I'm just a little tipsy. I was nervous to host everyone for such a big occasion!"

"It's just New Years. We have one every year."

Rachel gasps dramatically and grabs Quinn's hand to take her into the kitchen. "It's not just New Years!" She parks Quinn in front of the vegetables that are sitting on the counter and hands her a knife. "This night sets the tone for the rest of the year. How you spend New Year's Eve, is how you spend the rest of your year! That's a lot of responsibility and pressure for me."

Quinn takes the hint and starts cutting up the vegetables the way her mom taught her for all those church functions they would attend. Her mother's go to was always artfully crafted veggie trays. "Well, I plan to spend mine drunk, parked on a couch somewhere so hopefully that doesn't influence the rest of my year."

"You never know what could happen. This is a night of magic and excitement." Rachel bounces with said excitement. "But I'm definitely not letting you spend it being antisocial on a couch."

"But that's my party trick."

Rachel rolls her eyes. She busies herself pouring Quinn a glass of champagne. Quinn can tell the way Rachel is biting her lip that she's holding something back. Quinn settles her eyes back on the vegetables, trying to keep her hands and mind busy from trying to read Rachel's mind.

The brunette must come to a conclusion in her internal battle. She sets down the flute next to Quinn and grabs a pepper, feigning casualness. "So, what are your special party tricks at your fancy Yale parties?"

Well, she didn't hold out long on asking me about Santana's comments, Quinn thinks. "What do you mean, Rachel?"

Rachel starts to spin the pepper on the counter, shrugging her shoulders. She hesitates before saying, "I'm only asking. I know Santana said-"

"Santana says a lot of shit she shouldn't." Quinn quickly replies, trying to fight off her old anger at her high school best friend.

"You don't have to be defensive, Quinn. There's no room for homophobia in this house! Internalized or not." Rachel replies, turning herself to face Quinn, leaning her hip against the counter next to the chopping board.

Quinn guffaws. "Internalized-?" Quinn scoffs. "I'm not being homophobic. I'm just saying it wasn't that big of a deal and it wasn't Santana's place to bring something like that up."

"You're right. It was Finn Outing Someone In Public 2.0. She should've definitely known better." They both grin at the memory, everyone being able to laugh that particular blunder of Finn's off now that everything worked out for Santana in the end. "You're right, it isn't a big deal. I mean, who hasn't kissed a girl or two?" (Rachel hasn't; she's bluffing but Quinn is too shocked to catch on. Rachel is an actress, after all.)

Quinn's mind short circuits, her words playing like a scratched record player in her head. Rachel has kissed a girl? Or girls?

Rachel continues, not wanting Quinn to ask for details of these kisses she hasn't actually had. "I want you to know that this is a safe place, that I'm a safe place. I know you still wear the cross around your neck and it can't be easy for you to navigate the trials and tribulations of our early adulthood and what it means to explore and experiment in college."

Quinn wants to defend herself, to explain that she's not exploring or experimenting in college, especially with her sexuality. But, Quinn finds that she doesn't want to defend herself to Rachel. She doesn't feel that she has to. Rachel is her safe place.

Quinn squares her shoulders with Rachel's. "Thank you." She says simply, offering Rachel a smile. Rachel gives her a megawatt smile back. "Now, hand over the pepper before you mangle it to its swift death."

…

Everyone starts arriving around 8pm, loaded down with more snacks and drinks for the night. Rachel only continued her buss while Quinn took over decorating. Quinn feels like she is the one playing host more than Rachel.

Santana and Mercedes raise their eyebrows when Quinn takes their coats and navigates Rachel's home with familiarity to put them on the guest room's bed. Santana follows her in the room and shuts the door behind her.

"Santana, I'm really not in the mood for-"

"Oh, stuff it, drama queen. I know Rachel's theatrics are rubbing off on you." Santana pauses. "I don't want to know what else she is rubbing on you."

Quinn turns red and guffaws for the second time in one night. Santana holds up a hand to stop her.

"I'm not here for that. I wanted to apologize for the stunt I pulled at Breadstix." Quinn crosses her arms, trying to hide her surprise. "Brittany has successfully made me feel guilty over it. I should've used better decorum and not pushed you for something you're not ready for." Santana says, genuinely looking scolded in a way only Brittany could accomplish.

"Thanks, San. I appreciate that, actually."

Santana, obviously hitting her max capacity for empathy, shifts gears. "Besides, I wasn't really saying it for your benefit. I was hoping it'd light a fire under Streisand's ass and that she might start making her own connections. I'm afraid it's a lost cause for both of you though." Santana shoulders her way past Quinn, opening the guest bedroom door and walking out without another word.

…

The rest of the night, Quinn is starting to realize Rachel has become the closest thing she has ever had to a girlfriend. Rachel hasn't left her side, clinging to her every chance she gets. Quinn knows a lot of the comfortability they're currently experiencing is due to the alcohol intake and the spirit of the holiday. Quinn also knows she will be able to blame her and Rachel's behaviors on that reasoning come the morning time.

Rachel is currently going on about how she misses Kurt and retelling a story about how she tried to start something called a "GayLes" club. Mercedes is side-eying Quinn heavily and Santana and Brittany are egging Rachel on. Quinn is well aware about how they look to the other club members; Rachel is almost in Quinn's lap, talking about starting an LGBT club and being the president while Quinn listens with a content smile. Quinn cannot find it in herself to care about what everyone else is thinking. She is genuinely enjoying herself for the first New Year's Eve in all her life.

"Next year we should crash at Kurt and Rachel's and hit up the clubs for New Year's. We will all be 21 by then." Mercedes suggests.

"Maybe White Chocolate can make an appearance and find employment in the big city." Sam starts rolling his body, lifting his shirt up to show his abs. Brittany gets up to join him, and it quickly progresses with Santana and Mercedes throwing fake money at them.

"You should join them." Rachel giggles into Quinn's shoulder at her own joke.

"I think I'm a little offended at how funny you find that image."

"No, no. Exotic dancing is an art form." Rachel says. "Maybe an art form that isn't in your wheelhouse simply because of your upbringing." She continues, always the most honest critic. Rachel reaches over to play with Quinn's cross necklace resting on her collarbones.

"Is it in your wheelhouse?" Quinn asks, her eyebrows raised.

"Only if I'm in a role as an exotic dancer on a hit broadway show." Rachel says confidently. "Come with me to get a refill." She tugs Quinn up.

Puck passes them on their way into the kitchen, a waitress from Breadstix tucked under his arm. "Five minutes until midnight!" He shouts.

Rachel lets out an excited squeal. "I want to pour champagne for everyone so we can cheer for the New Year as the ball drops." She starts noisily clinking flutes together, trying to get one set out for everyone in attendance.

Quinn hurries over before any champagne flutes are sacrificed at Rachel's hands. "Rachel, I think everyone will be too busy kissing each other to join in on the cheers."

"What?" Rachel says, looking out to the living room to see everyone already paired off in preparation; Mercedes and Sam, Artie and his AV club girlfriend from college, Brittany and Santana, Puck and the waitress, Tina and her goth boyfriend that doesn't speak. Rachel starts to pout, looking down at the glasses set out.

"We can just say our cheers together. I'm not kissing anyone" Quinn suggests.

Rachel looks over at her, leaning her back against the kitchen island. "I can't believe Quinn Fabray doesn't have anyone she wants to kiss on New Year's Eve." Rachel shakes her head as if it is a national disgrace. "Especially when you look like that."

Quinn feels her neck and face warm. She busies herself with pouring a glass for each of them. "I didn't say I don't have anyone I want to kiss. I'm just choosing not to kiss anyone this year." Quinn says. "New leaf I'm turning over, personal growth, whatever you want to call it."

Quinn finally looks up, passing Rachel her flute. She finds Rachel's eyes studying her. "Who do you want to kiss?" She asks. Distantly, they can hear their friends counting down the seconds.

Quinn challenges herself not to look away from Rachel's eyes. ten. "Someone I'm not quite ready to admit it to." nine.

"Are they at this party?" Rachel asks, taking a step closer, entering Quinn's space. Rachel tilts her head higher to maintain eye contact with their new proximity, both wearing heels so Quinn remains taller than her. eight.

Quinn can only nod her head in confirmation. seven. She reaches up to tuck a piece of hair behind Rachel's ear. six.

"I'm sure they're willing to wait for when you are ready." Rachel says. five. Rachel follows Quinn's hand with her own from where it drops after tucking her hair and softly holds it at their waist between them. four.

"Thank you." Quinn whispers. three. She feels like all she has been doing lately is thanking Rachel.

They remain in their own version of an embrace the remaining seconds of the 2013 year. They can hear their friends cheering and hollering in the next room as the ball drops and the clock strikes. Quinn clinks their glasses together and they smile at each other.

…

That night, after everyone has bid their goodbyes and left Rachel's home with their designated drivers, they go through their routine of getting ready for bed together in peaceful silence. This time, the only difference is they gravitate together in bed before either falls asleep. Rachel rolls over, her back to Quinn. She reaches behind her and finds Quinn's arm, pulling Quinn closer and wrapping said arm around herself.

They wake up the next day to the sound of Rachel's fathers coming home from their own night out. Quinn hangs around to drink coffee with the Berry men while Rachel goes through the motions of coming out of her sleepy fog.

Rachel walks Quinn to the front door. "Until next time, Rachel." Quinn says, looking down at Rachel.

Rachel briefly smiles back before wrapping her arms around Quinn in goodbye. This is how they do things; a casual goodbye, both knowing the other is traveling back to their new lives, leaving the comfort they receive from another in Lima until the next school break.

Quinn steps out of the door into the cold, ready to face 2014.

…