Chapter 26: Comical Rescue
Boos rained in the House of Ha-Ha after Raphael vanished during his impromptu stand-up. "That's it for tonight, folks!" voiced Bigelow. "We do apologize for the inconvenience of our comics, but we do hope you enjoyed the show!" The crowd showed their displeasure as a spoiled tomato came at Bigelow, but he strafed at the last second to dodge the rotten fruit.
"Now, wait just a darn minute!" shouted Ash as he stood from his borrowed table. "What the heck is going on here!? You had three comedians vanishing in the middle of their acts! What's the big idea!?" Bigelow wasn't happy to see a child in the club, let alone on stage with him.
"None of your business, kid!" he dismissed. "Show's over! Now beat it! Scram!"
"Oh, it's so my business, baldy!" The insult made Bigelow flinch. "Because it just so happens that the last comedian is a close friend of mine… and I'm not leaving until I know what happened to him!" Leaving the table, Ash reached the stage. Bigelow jumped at Ash being with him in front of a growing hostile audience. "You're hiding something, aren't you? Perhaps you can explain why the comedians keep disappearing… and it has something to do with that one grown man that talked to you backstage." The accusations made Bigelow sweat profusely. "You didn't think I'd notice? Well, I did. You were talking to someone involved with kidnapping comedians. You can tell me what's going on… or else." Bigelow felt needed to call Ash's bluff.
"Or else.. what? I don't know anything!"
"I seriously doubt that." Reaching his last nerve, Ash snagged Bigelow by the shirt collar. "I will ask you one more time: Where are the comedians and my friend?" Remaining defiant, Bigelow refused to answer.
"I-I don't know!" The refusal made Ash turn his head.
"Oh yeah? Pikachu, if you please?"
("Like you need to ask?") squeaked Pikachu before he used Thunderbolt. Ash released Bigelow before he was shocked, literally. He yelped at the shocking retort. He fell onto his back as Ash stood over him as he audience realized the abnormality of the situation.
"Had enough?" he questioned. "Or do you want another?" Knowing the pain from the Thunderbolt, Bigelow surrendered.
"Alright, alright!" he gave up. "I'll talk! I'll talk!" He still winced at the shocking attack. "Those comedians were taken in by Pinky McFingers!" The audience gasped to the name while Ash and Pikachu looked befuddled.
"Pinky McWho?"
"You never heard of Pinky McFingers? He's one of the most dangerous crime bosses in the city, second only to Big Louie!" The name and background gave Ash and Pikachu more questions than answers.
"What's a crime boss like him want with a handful of comedians, let alone our green friend?"
"How should I know?" His feigned answer made Ash and Pikachu wonder he Bigelow was hiding information.
"Pikachu?"
("Ready for more lightning!") squeaked Pikachu. Seeing Pikachu spark up again made Bigelow scared.
"All I know is that he needs them for some big heist Pinky and his goons are planning, but that's all I know!" he pleaded.
"Is it?" asked Ash.
"Honest, kid! I've told you everything I know! They don't tell me anything else without threatening to hurt me, not even Pinky's hideout!" The trainer felt that Bigelow was no longer useful as the audience began to worry about the crime boss's reaction.
"Alright… you've said enough." Relieved, Bigelow sighed to Ash backing off.
"Jeez, what kind of a kid are you!?"
"One that doesn't like to see friends in danger, that's what… and for making deals with criminals, you're definitely not getting out of this one with the cops." Sweat of fear soaked Bigelow's head as Ash tied him up to a chair. Using a phone, he called the police before stepping out of the House and getting on his Turtle Comm. "Leonardo, come in!"
"Ash, where are you?" asked Leonardo.
"Pikachu and I saw Raphael be taken," Ash spoke up. Leonardo seem clued in.
"Wait, you're at the House of Ha-Ha?"
"Yeah, and it seems a crime boss named Pinky McFingers has Raphael." Overhearing from another Turtle Comm, April heard Ash's detail.
"Pinky McFingers?" she voiced from Donatello's Turtle Comm. April dreaded the worst. "Guys, if what Ash said is right, Raphael could be in serious trouble!"
"April, go and pick up Ash and Pikachu while we go and find Raphael," Donatello advised.
"Be careful!" warned April. All Turtle Comms disconnected.
"Let's hurry to the Ha-Ha!" urged Michelangelo. The Turtles departed while April confronted Burne in his office with Pete backing her.
"Please, Chief!" she pleaded. "You've gotta let me cover the vanishing comedians from the House of Ha-Ha!"
"Ha ha, forget it!" denied Burne. "Nobody cares about a few third-rate comedians! I've got a better story in mind to assign you: reports about an infestation of gypsy moths at the botanical gardens and damaging the azalea bushes!"
"Hold on!" voiced Pete. "What makes gypsy moths at botanical gardens more important than kidnappings!?"
"Your jobs, that's what!" snapped Burne. Vernon sensed the reason for April's urge to cover the comedians' kidnapping.
"The real reason she wants to cover this story is because her Turtle friends are involved," he argued.
"The Turtles?" repeated Burne as he became upset. "I'm still paying off bills from what happened at Lofty Tower and that baby contest they ruined! Now, you and Vernon get over to the gardens on the double!"
"Wait a second, Vernon can't touch the cameras!" reminded Pete.
"Which is why he'll be the reporter, April be his camerawoman while you deal with covering an announcement regarding the owner of Madison Square Garden," Burne ordered. April and Pete didn't like getting separate assignments.
"Okay, boss," they surrendered. Burne handed April a spray can with a bug crossed out as its label.
"You may need this insect repellent so that the moths don't get to you," he offered. April mulled the thought before the two headed off on the news van. Vernon exited the news van after arriving a tropical garden.
"Okay, we can get this infestation discovered and-" he started before the van started up.
"You get the bugs out of the system!" shouted April. "Kidnapped comedians is no laughing matter!" She sped off and left Vernon with some of the camera equipment.
"APRIL, DON'T GO AGAINST BURNE'S ORDERS!" he shouted. The news van arrived at the House of Ha-Ha where Ash and Pikachu waited.
"Thanks for picking us up," Ash praised.
"No problem," April smiled. "We need to find a way to locate Raphael. The only clue we have is that Pinky McFingers is behind it."
"We need to get Brock and Irma as well. I have a bad feeling that comedy and robbery are about to meet in the worst way possible."
"Tell me about it, and I'm not a fan of strange bedfellows." They soon spotted Brock and Irma, the latter wearing white cardigan, shorter skirt and stiletto heels.
"That movie wasn't as good as I believed," Irma sighed.
"It wasn't terrible, but it could've been better," Brock mentioned as the news van rolled up. Ash rolled down the window.
"Brock!" he called out. "Irma! We got to go!" Brock and Irma seemed surprised to the sudden ride.
"Is this how dates end?" asked Irma.
"No, but this has to be an emergency if they're picking us up like this," Brock believed. They hopped into the back of the news van before driving off. They reached the Lair where they switched vehicles from the news van to the Turtle van as they witnessed people rolling on the ground laughing hysterically.
"You know what you get if you cross a turtle with a mousetrap?" started Raphael. "A snapping turtle." People laughed to the joke. "You know why turtles can't become electricians? They get shell-shocked." The jokes kept coming over a sound-waves that covered Manhattan. "I have a great memory. You might say I have 'Turtle Recall'." The Turtle van rolled through the streets while more of Raphael's jokes rained on the city. "Know what you call a turtle in a steam bath? A Turtleneck sweater." The Turtles jokes got to everyone. "It's not easy for a turtle to get a job… No one wants to shell out the money!" Inside the Turtle Van, the Turtles, Trainers, April, Irma and Pikachu were not as affected by the sound-waves.
"This is getting so frustrating!" mulled April. "We can hear Raphael, but we don't know where to look!"
"Relax, dudette," Michelangelo eased.
"We'll get Raphael back," Ash assured.
"It's a good thing I installed a modifier to nullify the sound-waves," Donatello praised. "Wwithout it, we'd all be laughing our shells off."
"From Raphael's jokes?" scoffed Michelangelo. "Gimme a break! I've heard funnier."
"Maybe…" shrugged Leonardo. "But it makes sense to those around if they're laughing this much." The phone rang. April feared who's calling.
"It's gotta be the boss!" she believed as she answered the phone. "Mr. Thompson?"
"April, we're about to go live in five minutes!" shouted Burne. "What about the botanical gardens? Did you get the pictures?"
"Sorry, Chief," April apologized. "A bigger story is breaking!" Burne didn't like the response.
"You what!?" he yelled. "You deliberately disobeyed a direct order!?" Before he lashed out, Raphael's voice was heard.
"Some people think turtles are poisonous," he spoke. "I bite my nails every time and I'm fine!" The joke tickled Burne.
"Why I oughta-" he started before laughing. "Assign you to writing…" More laughs… "Cue cards for the weatherman!" A full blown laugh burst out. April wasn't sure how to respond.
"Gosh, Chief…" she hiccuped. "I'm… glad you're taking it so well." She hung the phone up as Donatello detected something on radar.
"Guys, I'm picking up a signal" he warned. Irma, Ash and Pikachu came to Donatello with the radar flashing on the screen a location.
"Is it Raphael?" guessed Ash.
"Most likely," Donatello figured. "I matched a voice print of Raphael's to this tracker." April saw the marking of a turtle on the radar.
"That must be him right now!" she believed. Ash trusted April's instinct.
"Michelangelo, put the pedal to the metal!" he urged.
"You got it, dude!" agreed Michelangelo. They arrived at a large mansion. Inside, three men in tuxedo suits and fedoras stood by the orange-haired in the lab coat from Donatello's show. Tied in chairs and wearing helmets attached to a machine, Joey and Shecky watched Raphael be confronted by the one in the lab.
"Okay, now that you've got what you've wanted!" argued Raphael. "How about letting us go?"
"That's not happening," a fair-toned raven-haired man denied, wearing some blue under his trench coat. He dumped money from bags at Raphael's feet. "Plundering the city was just small-time, local business. Tomorrow, the country will hear and laugh." Raphael didn't like the direction the mission was going.
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"You got 24 hours to come up with new material," the raven-haired warned. "The National Mint is our target." That's when the door was kicked open, Raphael's partners arriving.
"You'll have to get by us first!" shouted Leonardo. All turned to the other Turtles and Trainers. The orange-haired seemed aghast at who came to the comedians' rescue.
"More turtle comedians?" he guessed.
"And did you bring kids to learn how to make people laugh?" the raven-haired scoffed.
"Everything's a joke to you, huh?" muttered Brock.
"Speaking of," Michelangelo started. "Either he found a way to reverse his mutation, or that's not Baxter Stockman." The orange-haired steamed in anger.
"Baxter is my brother!" he corrected. "I'm Barney Stockman!"
"First time we hear Fly Guy has a brother," Leonardo gulped.
"I suppose the deal with those Turtle suits only limited to four," Shecky noticed. "They probably didn't have any for small size." Barney activated a machine that dispersed electrical waves, but everyone stood their ground.
"This doesn't make sense!" gasped Barney. "You're supposed to be paralyzed!" Donatello knew why.
"Let's give you a shocking discovery, Stockman!" he pointed out before showing Pikachu absorbing the electrical current.
"Now that's a rodent ready to light the stage!" joked Joey. The trench coats came after the Turtles, but were thrown down as April and Irma watched, April holding the camera. Brock reached the comedians and started unstrapping them.
"Boy, I wish I had a son this brave instead of being an attorney in the Maine state," Joey joked.
"I guess he's face a lot of courts of public opinions," Brock tried to make a laugh.
"No no, Brock," Raphael denied. "This is why breeding jokes don't follow through the inter-course."
"At least he has nine months to fix it," Shecky teased. The raven-haired's goons were floored by the Turtles while Pikachu fired Thunderbolt, zapping the machines out of commission.
"NO!" screamed Barney. "MY GAG-A-MAGNIFIER!" Ash came face-to-face with Barney with an arm cocked back.
"I'm still new to jokes," he started. "But I do know how to deliver a punchline!" He delivered a hook that knocked Barney out. The other goons were down as Irma returned with police.
"Sargent, there!" she pointed out. The police came to the raven-haired and his goons, slapping handcuffs onto them.
"Pinky McFingers," the sargent named. "You're under arrest." Raphael came to April holding a tired Pikachu.
"How did you guys find out where I was?" he happily asked.
"You could say we followed your laugh track," April joked. Pikachu laughed to the case. Back at Channel 6, Burne had calmed from his laughing fit, but steamed at April and her actions.
"I specifically told you to cover the botanical garden crisis!" he yelled as Pete was by the doorstep, returning from his assignment.
"Mr. Thompson, I told you I had a bigger story!" she argued.
"'A bigger story' because those menacing Turtles and that kid was involved in! You knew I wouldn't have approved of the change!"
"But, Chief!"
"No buts, April! Why don't you spend as much time with those green freaks since you're fired!" The termination made April gasp while Pete cringed. April cried as she left the office. "Vernon gets his wish… I hope she learns not to disobey a strict order." Back in the Lair, the Turtles, Brock, Irma and Pikachu sat on or stood by the couch with Raphael in front.
"Okay, guys…" he urged. "You have to listen to this new routine I made." He held a sheet of paper in front of him. "I open with this really dynamite joke: You know what's green, then yellow, then green, then yellow? A yellow-bellied turtle rolling down a hill!" No one bought the joke. There wasn't a smile. Michelangelo and Irma threw sofa cushions at Raphael who dodged them. "Watch it, guys! I can get Stockman's Gag-a-magnifier real cheap!"
"You do, and we'll buy the trapdoor from the House of Ha-Ha!" warned Donatello.
"There you go!" laughed Irma as she softly slapped Donatello. Other than Raphael, everyone else laughed. Brock noticed someone missing.
"By the way, has anyone seen Ash?" he wondered.
"I think he went out," Leonardo assumed. "Probably taking a little stroll up-top."
"I hope the dude brings back some pizza," Michelangelo wished. "Saving those comedians made me hungry." One word made Raphael grab a remote.
"Oh, that reminds me!" he voiced. "There's another show going on at the House of Ha-Ha!" He turned the TV on, but that's when they saw Ash in a dress vest and pants, nothing like his normal attire… and appearing on stage.
"I once knew a guy who was going to run a bakery," he started. "Only, he couldn't raise the dough." The crowd behind the camera laughed. "Thank you, thank you!" He pointed to someone in the crowd. "You sir… Is that a new suit?" He nodded to the man, seemingly a reply. "It's a nice one, but won't your wife notice the hole in the living room rug?" More laughs came from the crowd… and Irma and Pikachu.
"Ash Ketchum?" realized Donatello.
"Doing stand-up?" realized Leonardo.
"At the House of Ha-Ha?" realized Michelangelo.
"And doing a great job at telling jokes?" realized Brock.
"I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" the four gasped in unison. Raphael laughed at their reactions.
"Hey, I taught him all I know," he shrugged while looking smug.
"I had a chance to check out Nathan's and have their famous hot dogs," Ash continued. "It was busy and they had to ketchup in orders to cut the mustard." The laughs continued. "That's all I have, tonight!" Cheers and applause rained toward Ash. "Thank you all for the laughs… and the giggles… and the chuckles… and the chortles… and the ha-has… and the ho-hos… and the hee-hees… and the yuk-yuks! G'night-night!" He waived to the crowd. While the House of Ha-Ha may have their laughs restored, what about April after her termination?
TO BE CONTINUED...