A/N: This is the final chapter of Golden Strands, and none of you reading this note will know what a battle it was just to get this final chapter ready. Not because of any technical issues or because of any existential crisis I could have had about the end of this work. I won't go into detail…but just know there is some raw emotion going into this chapter. It was actually more humorous and bittersweet at first. The original draft of this chapter even had a section where all the Yu-Gi-Oh gang have a surprise going away party for Mina with songs and random shenanigans.
I think I wrote it that way originally because I just really wanted to throw in some major positivity into the work after all the drama. I wanted to wrap things up neatly, cleanly, and with a message of hope.
But the Golden Strands was never that type of story. It can't be wrapped up cleanly or neatly. Mina and Joey's characters are in arcs that are volatile by nature. I need to remain true to that…because even in my own life, I'm still struggling to find peace in the aftermath of battles I've fought and overcome. It can't wrap up all my emotions easily either.
There's a reason why it took nearly eleven years to get to this point and it's a big moment for me because this story contains so much of what I have personally struggled through. Resentments. Bitterness. Sorrows. Betrayal. And so much hurt…
I don't know if the chapter below will be able to convey it, but this is the lesson I've learned here at the end of this work. In life, you have to have the endurance to survive through changes and a spirit of longsuffering to extend the golden strands of love. The reason why we all need these things is because…for better or worse…we're all going to encounter rough things in life. And in rough times, you have to be able to have compassion and a heart of forgiveness. That's the only way to move forward in anything in the end. I don't know if this chapter can accurately conveys that emotion…if it can convey the optimism I wanted it to originally. This story is about struggle. This story is about a girl who clung to the past too tightly and lost herself. This is a story about how hard it can be to love someone who can't love themselves.
That story doesn't end here. That story of hope has only just begun.
Final Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh, Sailor Moon, Code Geass, and any references to the Fate franchise or other anime/manga, belong to their respective owners. The lyrics from Do As Infinity's Buranko (Swing) that I used in this chapter don't belong to me either. I only own my original characters and this…utterly insane plot that has taken nearly eleven years to complete. Let's get on with it.
Warnings: Though this chapter went through a re-write, I have chosen not to edit it a third time before posting like I normally would. The devil did not want this chapter out and threw some crazy things my way to try and prevent me. You'll see why in the content below. I'll probably clean it up later, so if this final chapter lacks some polish on its initial posting…that's why. Also…this story is rated M for a reason. This chapter is roughly 10,000 words.
To every person who has been through this journey with me from the beginning, thank you. Your support and love means the world to me. Best wishes and God bless you all!
Chapter 65
Epilogue: For Better or Worse
On the night of January 18th, 2018, Minako Aino, hoping to silence the demonic entity hidden within her soul, injected herself with a powerful narcotic. However, the hallucination the girl saw did nothing to quell her cravings for blood and death. If anything, the Refrain in her system only heightened those desires.
But somewhere within, the former Sailor Senshi fights to regain control.
The monster…wants Joey.
It sings of its yearning to slice him open, to hear his cries of terror, to feast on his beating heart.
Mina digs her nails into her palms, feeling nauseous.
"The Refrain was a bad idea," she mutters upon exiting the apartment complex she lives in. Frigid air makes her eyes sting, but she barely notices the discomfort while other temptations make themselves known, prompting her toward the general direction of Joey's old apartment even though those movements don't feel like her own.
Fearful of the beast possessing her body, Mina remembers the cell phone in her hand. With a click of a button the device powers on, allowing her to glance over her call log. Suzaku had called several times.
He didn't leave any voice messages, but there's a text message in her inbox. It's a plea for her to call him back.
The troublesome knight is the last person Mina wants to talk to, but her thumb presses down on the call button regardless.
"KILL…"
"It might be the only way to save Joey," she whispers, pressing the device to her ear as she ventures into the street. Flurries of snow fall from the sky but it's not cold enough for any of it to stick to the ground for long.
Stopping briefly while waiting for the knight to answer, Mina stares up at the sky and wonders if hope is like snow, melting against the surface of reality.
"KILL…"
The phone keeps ringing and Mina resumes her preplanned path toward Joey's apartment.
A part of her is tired of fighting off the desperate, guttural pleas ringing in her head.
"Mina?"
"S-Suzaku…I…"
She stammers, caught off-guard by the suddenness of his voice in her ears.
"Are you alright?"
The question prompts Mina's movements to cease again near the crosswalk.
No one has asked her that in weeks.
And the last person who did… was Suzaku himself.
Not Joey. Not Yugi. Tristan. Tea. Certainly not Serena or the remaining Sailor Scouts.
The monster completely vanishes from her thoughts, and the crushing weight of her loneliness sends her tumbling to her knees as the light changes, signaling for her to walk...
But she can't.
Breathing erratically, she notices how the entire block is empty of cars and people.
"Mina!? Are you still there?"
She startles, remembering that for the moment, she isn't alone.
"Yeah…I…I…"
"KILL…"
"I took the Refrain," she blurts out, her entire body trembling in the cold. "I thought…I thought taking it would make this thing in my head stop talking…" She pauses, her voice breaking on the last word. "I just…I just wanted it to stop, Suzaku. I had to make it stop so that I don't…so that I don't hurt anyone, but it didn't work. Nothing works. So please…don't…don't…"
The rest goes unsaid, but Suzaku understands what she's asking.
"Where are you right now?"
Mina tries to look around her for street signs, but the mania is becoming too intense for her to maintain any sense of focus.
"Not sure. Close to my apartment. I just left."
"Go back inside."
Nodding again, Mina shakily rises to her feet, pivots on her heel, and walks in the direction she came in. The voice returns in earnest, demanding that she see Joey.
The worst part is that she wants to see him. She wants to hold him, kiss him, wrap him up in all the love he deserves…
But she can't follow those wishes. The monster is too strong right now.
So instead, she whimpers out an apology to Suzaku, desperately hoping the sound of her own voice will drown out the screeching in her mind.
"Nevermind that," he tells her. "Just focus on getting back inside."
"KILL…"
Mina eventually staggers back into the apartment, her cellphone pressed against her ear as she locks the door behind her.
"I made it," she breathes, sinking to her knees again once certain she's safely tucked away from the world. "I didn't…I didn't kill him. I didn't…kill anyone..."
For the second time she forgets Suzaku's presence on the other end of the line.
Even if she had remembered, she couldn't hold in her despair anymore.
On the other side of the world, the Knight of Seven hears a stuttering breath and starts to say something, but is cut off by the scream that tears itself from Mina's throat.
He had heard her sob uncontrollably before. He had heard her screams as well.
And yet…he knows these screams are entirely different from what he's been a witness to in the past. This time her loneliness is a tangible thing that reaches into his chest and clutches at his heart with the force of a bullet tearing through flesh and bone.
There's nothing he can say to ease that pain.
And though he can hear her, he isn't in the room with her this time.
She's still alone.
"I'm sorry…"
The words Suzaku speaks are too soft for Mina to hear, and he knows it. He apologizes to acknowledge his understanding of the cruelty she spoke of earlier. Regardless of his original intent, he dragged her back to life kicking and screaming, then expected her to behave and function to his liking.
On some level, playing God was an apt way describe his actions towards her, and it sickened him.
Part of the reason he killed his father all those years ago was to escape inheriting his cruel and heartless ambitions, but with each day that passes, Suzaku sees that man's need for control in every decision he makes.
He can't forgive himself nor does he understand what he's become since the death of his beloved princess, Euphemia Li Britannia.
She was his anchor to his ideal self. He wanted to be a man of honor to make up for the monster hiding beneath his skin.
As the Knight of Seven, a direct subordinate of Emperor Charles Zi Britannia, he's in a position to instigate real, positive change for the country he betrayed, and yet he's taken no substantial action to fulfill those old dreams. They rest somewhere in his subconscious, asking him why he won't wipe the blood off his hands.
He works aimlessly, living only because of the Geass command Zero used to tether him to the Earth.
Suzaku used to curse Lelouch's existence daily for that action alone.
Now…the rage he once felt towards him wanes.
He's inflicted Mina with a similar curse…because he believed he would find his own salvation in searching for hers.
Her hatred of him is justified. It's what he deserves for selfishly channeling his own problems into her trauma; moreover, he cannot undo what he set in motion.
Gritting his teeth, the knight closes his eyes and waits out Mina's screams until he hears a distant clatter on her end of the line. The wailing softens then, alerting him that she'd dropped the phone.
"Mina…"
She doesn't hear him. Even as the sobs die down into soft sniffles, she hears nothing but the horrible monster in her mind.
"KILL…"
"Mina…it's…going to be alright."
She starts to inhale but ends up choking on another sob.
"KILL…"
"Try to take a deep breath."
Mina hears the knight's voice this time, but…
"KILL…"
"I…c-can't…"
"You can," Suzaku argues, opening his eyes. "I'll help you. For real this time."
Mina doesn't fully comprehend the significance of that final statement, but with a shaking hand, she reaches for the phone and presses it near her ear once more. Suzaku instructs her to inhale slowly through her nose and exhale through her mouth.
"KILL…"
The exhale she offers is short.
"Just breathe, Mina. It's okay."
The last of her tears stream down her face with those words, and the blood-lust lessens considerably as Suzaku guides her through the breaths she takes.
Eventually, the monster's mantra fades, replaced by reassuring words.
"You're going to get through this."
Mina doesn't know if she can believe him, but her heart softens at his declaration regardless.
"Suzaku… Why is it…that you're the one who keeps pulling me back? Why is it you and not…"
Uncertainty makes her pause.
"I just… I feel so…"
"Lost?" he supplies.
She heaves out a long exhale. "Yeah. Lost…and scared. I don't…know what to do anymore."
From his office in the Tokyo Settlement, Suzaku glances down at the criminal report and cringes.
He needs to tell her something, but now isn't the right moment. He can never seem to find the right moment…
"Start by getting rid of any Refrain you have left in your apartment," he orders gently, deciding to drop that issue for now. "And after that…wait for me. I'll be in Domino City on the 27th."
"Okay," she whispers. "And Suzaku?"
"Hmm?"
"Thank you…for everything."
Hanging up on him once more, Mina turns off the phone and staggers to her feet. Refrain vials stare back at her from across the room.
The monster resurfaces in her thoughts as she moves to grab the bottles.
She disposes all but one of them.
January 27th, 2018
Domino City, Area 1
6:33am
On an autumn day in 2017, five young woman stood in an airport within the Juban District of the country formerly known as Japan. On that day, five young women, myself included, met up to say goodbye.
The girl they were saying goodbye too…was me.
Today, on this cold January morning, I put on the same blue sweater and long, denim skirt I wore that day; however, the ribbon in my hair is black rather than red.
Domino City resembles the world I left behind all those months ago, and its similarities to that world blinded me. This setting wasn't a place for me to find belonging or peace.
Meeting Joey was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.
No…not just Joey.
Kaiba, Mokuba, Yugi, Tristan, Tea, and even Megan all helped create the illusion I so desperately wanted to believe in.
This is a town where kindness reigns. The soul of this city is one driven by friendship. No matter what happens, I think this will always remain true.
Joey will climb out of the darkness I flung him into by injecting myself into his world. The friends he has here will ensure he makes it on the other side of his troubles a better and stronger person. They won't abandon him to his demons or mine.
I'm pretty sure they'd try to help me too.
But in the end…this isn't where I belong.
Surviving through changes wasn't enough.
Clinging to the golden strands of love wasn't either.
The alarm on my phone blares, ringing out a song I loved once upon a time. That's the phrase most stories begin with, right?
Truth be told, I don't expect this day to bring about a new beginning.
The Minako Aino of old died the moment she pulled the trigger on Cecelia Ashford, and from the ashes of that girl's grave I brought with me an object of great power, one with the ability to grant me the freedom I need to find my own path of redemption.
Suzaku Kururugi, the Knight of Seven of the Holy Britannian Empire, is someone who wants to find that path of redemption for me. And like Joey, he's pretty stubborn about it.
I want to believe in him.
If this…other presence wasn't living in my head rent free, I would gladly accept his assistance and the silent offer for friendship hidden beneath his own wounds.
But the monster still lives.
That entity can't live among people, especially not in a setting like Britannia where so many thrive by taking advantage of others.
Resentment for the injustices delivered to the Japanese people would only entice my baser instincts, these feelings that spawned from caving to the temptation of vengeance.
E.E. is gone.
Rei is…
…
…
"KILL…"
Suzaku kept the truth from me.
My duel with Joey was a brutal test of will against the beast's addiction, but in the end, I conquered it and felt good in that.
Unfortunately, the true test of wills came after the duel…and I lost.
"KILL…"
There's only one path left for me to take. The alternative routes fueled by hope and ideas of redemption all lead to destruction.
"KILL…"
He should have told me. He should have told me, and he didn't.
"KILL…"
Because now…
"A swing is moving on…
Moving on like it's laughing…
In the moonlit park,
I see the person I was,
I see the person I was that day."
Laughing softly at the lyrics, I turn off the alarm on my phone, toss it in my purse and take a long look at the dusty apartment for the last time.
The music stopped playing, but the lyrics still flow from my lips while I unzip my duffle bag, checking its contents to make sure everything I need is inside before making my way out.
"Like my flimsy dreams, they all disappear.
Fade away from here.
One by one again…"
The air outside is absolutely frigid, just like it was that night when I took the Refrain.
Suzaku…that idiot.
"A swing is moving on…
Moving on like it's laughing…
In the moonlit park,
I see the person I was,
I see the person I was that day."
The noise of traffic prompts me forward across the streets and into the downtown district where I'll be getting breakfast, but along the way, I spot the first apartment complex my mother and I stayed in. The balcony of my old room still stands far above me, reminding me of the day I'd leapt from there, certain of my death until Kaiba caught me.
I haven't really seen him since returning to Domino, but I'm certain he got the package I snuck onto his doorstep. Him giving me his mother's hairpin truly was an honor, and…I won't forget his kindness toward me or the fun I had working for him. He'll continue to take care of Mokuba, and I'm sure he'll keep an eye on Joey as I requested too.
A part of me wishes I could have said goodbye to him properly, but I think leaving like this is better. No fanfare. No tears.
Fading on the wind suits me better…
"When the cold wind blows,
I remember once again…
The day I was seen off by mother at that old station."
The next words I sing bring tears to my eyes.
"In the end I didn't say a word to my father…
I thought our lifestyles were too different…"
In my wandering I forget about breakfast and just walk throughout the town, singing the same song to myself over and over.
Because…
"I didn't notice,
How I was pretending to be strong or the mistakes I made…"
If I could. If it were possible…
"A swing is moving on…
Moving on like it's laughing…
In the moonlit park,
I see the person I was,
I see the person I was that day."
Sailor Venus. Minako Aino. Who is she now?
I'd like to think the monster and I are separate from one another, that I can return to being what I should have been all along, a heroine of justice and truth.
Even knowing what led me here…I can't help wondering why I let it happen. Was there not a different path to take? Did I not know better than to seek revenge?
More important than all that…how could I not understand that my parents were only human in the end? Why did I put them on such a pedestal and expect them to stay there when falling was inevitable?
Why did I get so angry? Why did I let Rei's stupidity that night get to me? Did I not know her better than that? Her bark has always been worse than her bite. Killing my mother? She would never have had the stomach for that, no matter how much she wanted to play like she had real conviction like Lelouch.
And maybe…in that there's an answer.
Perhaps I lost my own conviction or rather…became convicted in the wrong things.
All I wanted…
"I'm going back to the person I was that day…"
What I truly wanted was…
"I want to be that person…"
To return to who I was before that final battle with Galaxia.
Because after that…everything changed within me.
My dad's diagnosis, my mom's sudden abuse, the new friends that became enemies when desperation for money got involved, and everything that followed with E.E. and her malicious schemes completely distorted that image of who I was supposed to be.
All the things that happened in that time…the decisions I made…were all in the hopes of regaining what had already been lost.
I can't go back. I can only go forward.
That was the lesson I didn't learn.
And now…
My footsteps halt as a new song reaches my ears from a building near me. Though hard to make out any words, the quality of the singing captures my attention because…it's not polished. Some of the notes I hear aren't in key. Other voices are too nasally or too loud…
But there's something almost refreshing in the imperfection.
The constant mantra to kill that plays on relentlessly halts.
Glancing at my watch reveals the time. It's nine o'clock on the dot. I was supposed to be at the airport fifteen minutes ago, but in taking a final tour of the city I'd completely lost track of time.
Suzaku's flight is bound to have landed. He's probably left me messages too.
"He can wait," I murmur, pivoting on my heel to face the building next to me. It's not a very large structure, and in some ways it sticks out like a sore thumb in a bustling metropolis like this, especially since the architecture is a little outdated.
There's a cross on the door.
"A church?"
I make my way up the steps until I'm standing directly in front of the door with the cross emblazoned on it.
"You're far too defiled to enter into Holy ground."
I place one of my hands along the surface of the door. "I know."
"Oh? Then why approach such a place? Do you want to kill them too? We had fun the other day, didn't we?"
Biting down on my lip, I push the door ajar by slow increments.
"What a friend we have in Jesus.
All our sins and griefs to bear.
What a privilege to carry,
Everything to God in prayer!"
The song keeps going and so does some of the off-key singing, but it doesn't deter me from silently stepping inside. All of the people present face forward with their backs to me, and the man standing at the podium is staring down at a book. He's singing too, so I guess he's leading everyone else in the song.
"Have we trails and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged.
Take it to the Lord in prayer."
Skeptical but curious, I find an empty pew near the back and sit down. The song continues, but I don't pay attention to the words. Instead, I take in the small collection of people. Many of them are senior citizens, but there are some couples here with young children. One of them even has a screeching baby, which annoys me enough to want to hightail it out of here; nevertheless, my butt stays rooted in place.
"This will be quite the slaughter. There's at least…twenty…twenty-five…thirty people in here?"
The man leading the singing takes a seat in the front pew. Another man, who's probably in his mid-forties, takes his place at the podium with a different book in his hand, probably a Bible.
"Killing them will be fun. So much fun!"
"Good morning, Church!"
"Good morning."
The preacher, who has black hair and bright blue eyes somehow manages to spot me even though I actively chose to sit where I thought I wouldn't be noticed.
"And to our visitors, you are our honored guests."
A few people turn around and smile upon noticing me.
"KILL… KILL…"
At this point the voice is just acting up because of the embarrassment crawling through my veins. Someone should teach it that murder isn't a proper response to social discomfort.
Thankfully everyone's attention is drawn back to the preacher as he takes a moment to clear his throat.
But when he speaks…
"Before getting started with today's sermon, I would like to take this moment to thank you all for the kindness you've shown me since my wife's passing."
…my chest constricts.
"From the cards you sent to the meals prepared for me and my daughter, thank you so much. Each of you has shown us the true love of Christ."
"KILL…"
Biting down on my tongue I uncross my arms and sling the strap of my duffel bag back along my shoulder. I may have been able to get in here quietly thanks to the singing earlier, but leaving is going to be a noisy affair that will illicit a ton of stares and maybe even some grumbles, but I'd rather deal with that than…
"One of the last things my wife told me," he continues, "Was to forgive myself."
The words manage to freeze me in place.
"Some of you may wonder why she might have said that to me." Pausing, he closes his eyes for a moment, collecting his emotions. "Was it because I had done something wrong? No. I did the best that I could for my wife. She had the best care I could afford to give her. My daughter and I were at the hospital every day. Even when we moved her to hospice care…we were there every step. My wife was only alone when we were here."
He stops once more, smiling this time.
"I didn't understand until after she died why she asked me to forgive myself. You see…the instant she died, even knowing I did everything I could…she still died. I couldn't stop it. I could go over everything a thousand times in my head, wondering if she would have survived if I had noticed something wrong sooner."
"KILL…"
"Be quiet," I whisper, digging my nails into my arms. "I want to hear this."
"Those who have been through similar experiences would say my prayers for her to remain here with me went unanswered," the man states. "But that isn't true. There was an answer. It just wasn't the answer I wanted."
Scoffing, I cross my legs. "Maybe God is the one you should be mad at then."
"In times like this, many of us blame God," he proclaims, practically reading my mind. "If He loves us, how could He allow such horrible things to take hold of our lives? But as Christians, we know that we live in a sinful world. And the Bible says in Hebrews 9:27, 'it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgement.' If you have your Bibles with you this morning, let's observe the verse that follows these words."
There's a shuffling of books and paper, and one woman takes out her phone to open a Bible app.
Not wanting to check my own phone for such an app knowing the messages I'd be getting from Suzaku for not being at the airport, I scoot over on the pew to grab the Bible I see sitting there and open it to the table of contents in search of Hebrews. Pouring through its pages reminds me of the times Rei had to study scriptures for her classes at the Catholic school she attended. She used to spend a lot of time underlining certain passages to write out detailed reports and other such things.
She probably should have paid more attention to the scriptures concerning patience, but I suppose she wouldn't have read this thing much given her status as a shrine maiden at a Buddhist temple.
The monster laughs from within my mind, prompting hazy flashes of memory I'd rather not ponder right now.
"Verse 28 reads as follows, 'so Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many. To those who eagerly wait for Him, He will appear a second time apart from sin, for salvation.'" The man stops again, for impact I guess, then says, "This sacrifice Christ made is when the new covenant between God and man begins, and in this new covenant there's hope…even in circumstances we can't understand the reasons for. With Christ, there is forgiveness of sins. There is mercy in our darkest moments of doubt."
"KILL…"
"This loss is mine," the preacher admits. "Though I did everything I could for my wife, I can't say I was always the best husband or that I always showed my appreciation for her when she was healthy. It's human nature to take precious gifts for granted, even the gifts of God. And…when we realize that, it's easy to start hating ourselves for not having been satisfied with what was there all along. For not seeing human fragility fast enough. For not showing kindness often enough. For saying or doing horrible things we never truly meant to do."
The words reach too close to the anguish and rage festering in my heart. In Japan I collected life-altering mistakes as if they were designer handbags or shoes. Every day there's a voice in my head reminding me to examine images of my mother's corpse floating in a black lake or the dark chuckles of the cannibal when he placed a knife in my hand, demanding I add new flourishes to the depraved, animalistic carvings he made along her body.
Pleasure swims through my bloodstream at the memory of cutting down the obstacles between myself and E.E.
"WHY DO YOU DENY ME? YOU LIKE TO KILL PEOPLE, MINA."
No. I don't. That's not true. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
"Romans 3:23 plainly tells us that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," the man drones on, sending my mind in a tailspin of activity as memory after memory shatters the walls of indifference I've fought to build back up ever since I found out that…
"We'll kill Kururugi for that later. Why not start here?
"Falling short is an understatement for the things I've done."
"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
"KILL HIM… SHUT HIM UP… WHAT DOES HE KNOW?"
What does he know indeed? I don't know why I thought sitting in on a worship service to a God I'm not even certain I believe in was a good idea. This man's words only serve to amplify my guilt.
The man continues talking. He quotes scripture after scripture for a while, most of which I drown out because I keep seeing the horror on Joey's face when he found me in E.E.'s lair, drenched in the blood of my victims…
Including a girl that didn't actually die like she should have.
The girl I loved wasn't capable of what you did.
If someone like Joey, who sacrificed his own mental well-being to try and save me, can't love the person I am now…how could anyone else? The guy is practically a saint. His choice to leave Japan without me in the end was probably the cruelest thing he did, but I can hardly blame him for it, nor can I blame him for the distance between us now.
The duel we played was the closest we came to talking things out, but the resolution of the match was all the proof I needed to see that we had no real future together.
I hate the monster you became.
"There's no forgiveness for me," I whisper quietly, far too low for anyone in the room to hear. "Not ever…"
"Forgiveness of oneself is what starts the process of healing," the man bellows, interrupting my inaudible monologuing. "When God forgives us, He moves on to healing us from the inside out, but…if we can't forgive ourselves and others as God forgives, we ultimately block the blessing of healing. There is no healing without forgiveness…"
"KILL…KILL…KILL…"
"Shut up!" I scream out, clenching my fists. "JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!"
For two seconds, I completely forgot where I was.
By the time I remember, every person in the room is staring at me with their eyes wide and mouths agape. The preacher blinks repeatedly, probably locked in his own state of shock from the outburst.
If I wasn't already in a losing battle with my own mind, the sheer amount of embarrassment I felt would have been enough for me to climb into a coffin right then and there.
"KILL… KILL… KILL… KILL…"
But the voice isn't shutting up and the preacher's cerulean gaze has transformed from one of astonishment to concern.
On a different day, under separate circumstances, such an expression would have made me even angrier, but today it doesn't. The kindness in this man's eyes is genuine and so is the grief he feels for his wife.
The rage completely deflates, but still I…
"Where was God in all my suffering?" I ask, rising to my feet. "Was he taking a nap? Enjoying a vacation!?"
The preacher remains silent.
I shouldn't say anything more. Exploding in the first place was a really bad move. This guy can have his faith. All of these people can. Who am I to tell them not to believe in something?
If I don't want to listen, I should just leave.
Bowing my head, I offer an apology and start to bolt from the place…
"Wait miss," he calls out. "There are answers for your questions."
My footsteps halt, but I don't turn around.
"The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is long-suffering toward us, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance."
"KILL…"
"Is there something you need to repent for?"
"Aside from my outburst just now?" I ask, glancing over my shoulder at not only the preacher but the other people in the room. There were certainly some mixed reactions to this situation unfolding in this small congregation of people. Many were utterly stunned and probably wouldn't be able to form words for at least ten minutes while others had expressions of deep anger. A younger girl, of around twelve years of age, looked especially mad.
However, one or two of the people in the pews give me nods of reassurance, and that…
"LET'S HAVE MORE FUN, MINA."
Another splotchy memory appears in my mind's eye…
A distant sound of wheezing reaches my ears…
"LET'S HAVE MORE FUN…"
"Yeah…lots of things," I answer, looking down toward my feet. "But I don't think God…or anyone else…could ever forgive me."
"Do you truly believe that?"
My mind drifts back to when I learned about Suzaku's deception through a news report concerning a failed execution.
In the aftermath I…
NO! STOP! STAY AWAY FROM ME!
"Yes I do." Sighing, I turn back around to smile at the preacher. "I really am sorry for interrupting the sermon. That was…uncalled for."
The man offers a smile. "Apology accepted. You are forgiven." His eyes brighten. "If I can forgive you, there's no reason why God can't."
His statement locks me in place, and for a second, I'm angry all over again because I'm pretty sure the man just called me an idiot somehow.
"KILL…"
"Please, return to your seat," he says, motioning at the pew I left behind. "I'd like to speak with you after service if that's possible."
Given how at least 90% of the church would riot if I didn't behave, I decided to cooperate and sit back down in the pew from before so the man could finish his sermon, which picked up where it left off as if the interruption hadn't happened at all, not that I bothered to listen to the rest.
Forgiving myself…just isn't an option.
When everyone stands to sing again, I take out my phone and check over my text messages.
As expected, there are texts from Suzaku asking me where I am and to call him, but surprisingly there's another message from Tea asking me if I had time to stop by the her house today to see Artemis and Luna.
More than likely it's a ploy for some surprise party. She'd sent a similar text yesterday but…
…
"This is the text from yesterday…"
She's left other messages since then…
I can't read them right now.
After roughly fifteen minutes the service ends and the congregation starts mingling. I keep to myself and watch the preacher talk with everyone in the congregation.
Some of the church members pass by without acknowledging my presence, but several others stop to greet me or say that they'll keep me in their prayers.
One older lady yanks me out of my seat for a bear hug and starts praying over me right then, which was…uncomfortable…but oddly heartwarming too.
Eventually everyone clears out of the building except for me, the preacher, and his daughter, who is pointedly glaring daggers at me, not that I blame her.
Extending out his hand, the preacher tells me his name is Paul Johnson then introduces his daughter, Elizabeth.
"And you're Minako Aino," she says, interrupting me just as I start to introduce myself.
Paul laughs, his shoulders shaking with mirth when he says, "We recognized you from the footage show of the Duelist Kingdom tournament." Ruffling her the top of her curly black locks he adds, "Elizabeth loves Duel Monsters. She's a big fan of yours…"
"Was a big fan," she points out, making a show of putting her hands on her hips.
"Now, now," he murmurs, patting her on the shoulder. "Be nice."
"It's okay," I tell him, shrugging. "I lost my temper before and made a fool of myself. Doesn't exactly make for the best impression. It's nice to meet you, Elizabeth, and…I'm sorry about your mom."
Elizabeth scans me up and down with her hazel eyes. "Would like to say it's nice to meet you too but…"
"Elizabeth…"
"Okay, I'll stop."
His stern expression is immediately replaced with an easy-going smile that reminds me of my own father. Elizabeth returns it with an impish grin of her own, and it's impossible not to feel a twinge of jealousy.
I wish things could be like that for me and my dad again but…
You're the only family I have left. Please…listen to me this time. Don't go.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" I ask, cutting in on the cute family moment to stop myself from crying. "I can't stay for long. Got a flight to catch."
Elizabeth smirks devilishly. "Oh? Going on a vacation?"
It takes every ounce of willpower not to start glaring at the girl. "Nope. I'm leaving town for a study abroad program in Europe."
The preacher nods. "I see, so you probably won't be back to visit us for a while?"
"Did you really expect me to come back here?" I wonder silently, hoping against all odds that my expression wasn't conveying how flabbergasted his question made me.
"Yeah, I'll…be out of town for…a few months at the very least."
The man's expression changes into something more contemplative. "That's too bad. I was going to ask if you'd be interested in having a Biblical study over the questions you brought up today or…just about God in general with me or the Elders here."
"KILL…"
"I'm not exactly…a Christian so…"
"All the more reason to study…"
He says the words with the exuberance of that extremely nice drug dealer I bought the Refrain from…and that's not exactly a good thing.
"Awww…come on, Dad! You're embarrassing me!"
"For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek…"
"I'm Japanese…"
"The Gospel is for all!"
"KILL?"
When the crazy manic voice in my head suddenly sounds unsure about whether it wants to murder somebody, I know I'm dealing with a really odd individual.
"Okay, so…will that be all?" I wonder aloud, adjusting the straps of my duffel bag on one shoulder and my purse on the other.
"Actually, I'd like to give you something for your trip," the man exclaims suddenly, the jovial attitude disappearing as fast as it had arrived. "Wait here a moment."
Pivoting on his heel, he heads toward the back of the auditorium and disappears behind a door, leaving me alone with the kid.
"So…"
"Yep, he's always been like that," Elizabeth replies, shrugging. "But this is the first time I've seen him get excited about anything since mom died, so I guess you're not that bad of a person."
"You don't hold back, do you?"
"Nope." She offers a cheeky grin. "My mom always told me to speak my mind."
"Yours tried to kill you."
I don't respond to the girl's words.
Within two minutes the man is leaping back into the room grinning like he'd won the lottery while holding a small, worn book in his hands.
"Here you are," Paul announces, presenting it to me. "A New Testament Bible just for you."
Though apprehensive, the pure joy on his face compels me to touch the surface of smooth leather serving as the book's outer shell and nearly gasp as my Geass activates, alerting me of its significance to the man.
"This…I can't…"
"Dad, that's…"
He ruffles his daughter's hair again. "Yes, sweetheart, I know."
My heart sinks as I stare into the man's eyes. Beneath the surface of the jubilant performance was a man who had lost the love of his life.
That…reminds me of my dad as well.
"This is the first Bible my wife ever purchased for me," he begins, releasing the book from his grip once it's firmly settled in mine. "I wasn't a Christian when we met, so everything I am today…I owe to her."
A woman with waves of rust-colored hair and bright hazel eyes appears in my mind's eye. I see her pick up this Bible I now hold in my hand in a bookstore, hear a little grunt of triumph at her newfound plan to give the book to her boyfriend, and watch as the vision changes to his memory of receiving it. There was some mischief in that smile she sported for him, and it made him laugh because he liked her brand of weirdness and figured her faith was a source for the joy that clung to her no matter what difficulties she faced.
"I don't think it was a coincidence that you came here asking the same questions I did all the way back then," Paul continues, his eyes watering a little. "Take it with you on your trip, and whenever you return to Domino City, please visit us again."
My fingers shake around the book as I bring it close to my chest.
For the first time in my life, I'm grateful for my Geass power.
That woman in the vision…I would like to be someone like her.
She used her faith to give hope to others.
At one time, my role as Sailor Venus did the same.
Now I'm just a monster…incapable of casting light through the shadows of despair.
But…
"Thank you," I whisper, fighting back my own tears as warmth envelops my heart. "I'll…take good care of this."
This gift gives me something to strive for along the path I've chosen.
January 26th, 2018:
Hey! Mina! Could you come over? I know you're busy preparing for Europe, but I thought it'd be good for you to see the cats before you left. I know Artemis misses you lots!
– Tea Gardener, 9:26am
Hey! Haven't heard from you. Did you get my last text? I'll try calling you in a little bit.
-Tea Gardener, 10:30am
Are you with Joey right now? You guys making out somewhere? You two could give it a rest for one day. Geez!
-Tea Gardener, 12:51pm
Sorry. Tristan stole my phone. Anyway, Joey was supposed to be here over an hour ago. We all agreed to throw a surprise going away party for you, (sorry for ruining the surprise) but none of us have heard from him today. We're getting a little worried. If he's with you, could you let us know?
-Tea Gardener, 12:53pm
Mina? Why aren't you answering?
-Tea Gardener, 1:50pm
Finally heard from Joey. He's okay, but…something's wrong. I don't know the details. He wouldn't say anything over the phone. Please call me whenever you get this.
-Tea Gardener 4:30pm
I don't know what you've been doing all day that's kept you away from your phone, but I'm sending this to let you know we're all at Yugi's place. Get over here! Joey's a wreck and he needs you, right now!
-Tea Gardener, 7:12pm
January 27th, 2018
10:30am
Minako Aino walks out of the church with her duffel bag in hand and the worn New Testament Bible carefully stashed in her purse. The air outside is fresh, crisp, and a little warmer than it had been a few hours earlier. With a smile, she inhales deeply, and the voice in her mind goes quiet as her gaze travels up toward the sky.
Suzaku Kururugi, standing at the bottom of the steps leading to the church, clears his throat loudly, thus drawing the blonde's attention away from the expanse of blue.
There's an expression of surprise on her face upon seeing him. She has no Earthly idea of how the knight of Britannia managed to find her.
Wearing sunglasses over his eyes, a thick blue overcoat, a black sweater, jeans, and black dress shoes, Suzaku's demeanor screams professional traveler, but his expression is something far less stern than Mina expected.
"Are you hungry?"
He asks this in response to the noise of her stomach growling in the awkward silence that stretches between them.
Her smile disappearing, she nods once.
Within twenty minutes the two teens sit across from each other at a McDonalds. Mina immediately bites down on a crispy, spicy chicken sandwich the instant Suzaku places their tray of food in front of her. She doesn't hear the small chuckle that comes out of his mouth.
They eat in companionable silence, the awkwardness gone now that Mina's sure the knight won't start yelling at her immediately for keeping him waiting at the airport. She's still not sure how he had managed to find her, but it's a detail she isn't remotely concerned about while stuffing her face.
After setting his sunglasses on the table, Suzaku sips at his coffee and pretends not to notice how Mina steals several of his French fries when she thinks he isn't paying attention.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" she mumbles after a few minutes.
"About you stealing my fries?"
"Um…no not about…that."
He takes another sip of coffee.
"Do I need to spell this out for you?" Mina continues, stealing another one of his fries in the hopes that it'll start to aggravate him since it was literally the only food he'd ordered for himself.
"I've been thinking about something you said to me," the knight states, pushing the container of fries toward her while simultaneously ignoring the topic she wants to discuss. "You once called me a monster."
The ribbon-wearing blonde stops chewing for a second, completely taken aback.
"Are you…asking for an apology? Really?"
"No," he replies impassively. "Actually, I think you might be right."
Mina stares at him for a handful of seconds, waiting for him to elaborate on why he thinks her comment accurately describes him, but instead of talking he stares out the window near them, his eyes focusing on the people passing by the restaurant as they go about their day.
"Is there a reason why you brought this up?"
Suzaku blinks and fixes his attention back on the girl in front of him.
"Last week you asked why I'm the one that keeps pulling you back rather than Joey."
Swallowing, the ribbon-wearing blonde glowers at him.
"I never said his name."
"You didn't have to," Suzaku replies, shrugging as he glances at her half-eaten sandwich. "It's not difficult to know what you're thinking, Mina."
Those words confuse her.
"It's not?"
"No."
Suzaku takes another long sip of coffee while Mina taps an index finger along the table. Hints of fury sparkle in her sapphire eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me about Rei?"
The knight sets his cup back on the table and sighs. "There's no adequate excuse I can provide for that choice."
Groaning irritably, she reaches for the untouched caramel latte she always orders regardless of the beast living rent free in her head.
"At least attempt to explain it," she mumbles after taking a small sip. "I'm listening. If you provide a decent enough excuse, I won't hit you."
"That's oddly specific…"
"Explain. Now."
Suzaku doesn't speak immediately, even with the death glare she throws his way when she yanks her sandwich up from their tray to take another large bite.
The silence stretches between them for several minutes as he thinks of what he wants to say.
"I didn't know how you'd react," he whispers, folding his hands along the table. "Furthermore, there were other facets of the situation that would have been difficult to explain with your mental state being…what it is."
Mina takes another two fries then turns the container around so the knight can have access to it.
"For heaven's sake, eat something," she growls, barely containing her rage at his paper-thin excuse. "A mild gust of wind could break you in half."
He responds by taking another long sip of coffee, leaving the fries she graciously left for him untouched.
A part of her wants to snap his neck right then and there.
"Was that the best you could come up with?"
"I have other reasons," he admits, staring directly into her eyes now. "But those reasons are classified."
Scoffing, she leans back against her seat.
"Am I not supposed to be your Vassal?" she asks condescendingly, peering at the knight with an expression of mirth. "A trusted confidant in military matters?"
"You're doing your job just fine by showing concern over my eating habits," Suzaku answers, finally taking the remaining fries. "Although you could be a little more concerned."
Mina shuts her eyes, pinches the bridge of her nose, and inhales slowly to calm the wave of hatred coursing through her body in that moment.
Yes, her comment about not hitting him was very specific.
"Tell me…," he continues, seemingly oblivious to her mounting stress level as he chews, "What did you feel after you found out Rei was alive? More importantly...what did you do?"
She doesn't want to answer those questions.
Since Suzaku has his "classified" information concerning her, she doesn't see the need to mention how news of Rei's survival dismantled what little control she'd had over the demonic entity in her soul.
The incident is hazy at best. She can't remember what happened right now.
All she knows is that one minute she's seething and the next she wakes up in an alley drenched in someone else's blood.
She'd showered in a frenzy for three hours straight upon returning to her apartment that night, hoping against all odds that the soap and hot water would erase the evidence of her depravity and keep the monster quiet.
"You should have told me sooner, Suzaku."
Mina doesn't explain how his choice cost someone their life, and she doesn't have to. He sees the truth in the way her hands shake against the table.
For several weeks he's poured over the document Kara Fennette found in E.E.'s underground lair. He could probably recite it by heart if he wanted.
He's certain Mina doesn't know what she is, and he has no intention of telling her.
Geass Alternates are unstable by nature.
Though not privy to the all the details, Joey's revelation about Mina shooting Rei was a testament to the animosity between them.
Even if Mina ultimately regretted it…the rage it takes to pull the trigger on a friend…
Or a family member…
…
His original plan was to tell Mina about Rei in Britannia where he could keep a vigilant watch on her responses and ensure she couldn't get her hands on anyone should she lose control of herself.
The night she took the Refrain, a part of him was desperate to share the truth, but in the end he didn't. Mina had already been through one mental ordeal at that point and he wasn't willing to inflict her with another mere seconds after she'd recovered.
In hindsight, he feels he should have told her the instant he found out, but Kara had advised against it, and he deferred to her opinion on the subject since neither of them had been 100% certain of the intelligence concerning Rei's location and condition at that time.
He doesn't bother thinking about what happened after Mina left Japan...because everything went wrong in one form or another, complicating matters.
Rei Hino is the Sailor Soldier of fire. Unpredictable and destructive, the girl was a handful at the best of times and an absolute detriment to everyone's sanity at the worst after having fallen in love with Zero…Lelouch Vi Britannia…his best friend and greatest enemy all wrapped up in one.
But none of that means anything to the girl sitting across from him.
He'll take responsibility for the blood on her hands.
"I'm sorry."
Mina bites down on her lip.
"Sorry doesn't fix the fact that you…"
She trails off on purpose, hoping he'll take the bait and explain himself further, but the knight doesn't respond.
The look on his face changes into something Mina can't make sense of.
"You're a difficult person to read, Suzaku."
"How so?" he asks without looking up from her trembling fingertips.
"I don't know. You just are."
Suzaku nods, lifting his eyes toward her face now. "You're not the first person to say that."
Mina recognizes the hollow edge in his voice, and it weakens her resolve to stay angry.
"I would think not."
Silence reigns over them again, but it isn't all that uncomfortable. If anything, this was probably the most natural conversation they'd had since meeting each other.
But this peaceful comradery between them won't last.
"So back to your question…"
"The one about you bringing me back from the depths of Hell against my will?"
"Is it really against your will?"
Mina's expression shifts into a deadpan. "I know you're not asking me that."
A smirk lifts the corners of his mouth, and it's another shift in his demeanor she can't quite make sense of.
"What are you getting at anyway?" she asks instead of answering his question.
His face contorts ever so slightly, the smirk self-deprecating now. "Just that I think you believing I'm a monster…might be what convinced you to trust me."
The former Sailor Senshi outright laughs at that. "As if! I don't trust you at all."
"In that moment…you did."
She groans, not willing to confirm or deny it.
"I'm sure you consider that a mistake now though, right?"
Mina takes another sip of her coffee, unwilling to give a response when she wasn't entirely certain if answering his plea to live was a mistake or an opportunity for redemption that simply didn't work out the way she'd hoped.
Folding his arms atop the table, Suzaku leans forward, inspecting her expression in a manner almost playful, which sets off alarm bells in the blonde's head.
She must be reading that wrong.
"Right?"
"I don't have to answer you."
Suzaku sighs and glances at the coffee cup she has in a death grip. "I could order you to tell me…that is if you've accepted my offer."
"Heh! We both know you were never going to let me say no."
The knight shakes his head while watching the girl withdraw her cellphone from her purse. "That's not how things are going to be anymore. I don't want to be your enemy, Mina."
"I know," she replies, typing out words the knight can't see. "I don't want to be your enemy either."
Suzaku's emerald eyes brighten just a fraction. "Good. That…sounds good."
She smirks. "Tea and the others are holding a going away party for me. They didn't know when I was planning to leave. Do you think we have time to swing by?"
"I suppose you can, but I probably shouldn't…"
"Oh no," Mina interrupts, giggling almost manically as she gets up from the table, practically dragging Suzaku along before he can protest any further. "If we're going to have to be joined at the hip for months on end because of your hero complex, you're going to have to endure a few parties every now and again."
"Crap…you really are related to Milly…"
One hour later – Karaoke Restaurant
"I really don't think I'm cut out for this…"
Mina drums up another wide smile. "What!? Don't be silly, Suzaku! You need to lighten up!"
His green eyes peer at her suspiciously. "Mina…?"
She's almost certain of the question he wants to ask. Given his earlier statements about how easy it was for him to read her, Mina no doubt knew her bravado, flimsy as it was becoming at this point, wouldn't buy her much time.
Truth be told, when she left the Church, she felt…okay.
That didn't mean she was doing okay or that she'd found a whole new lease on life. She hadn't. Not yet.
The monster was still a very real, persistent, and LOUD threat to basically everyone around her.
Suzaku's presence was making the thing scream with how fun it would be to tear him limb from limb because of how his earnest face demanded he be punched repeatedly, which Mina could easily agree with, but now wasn't the time to indulge such a fantasy.
Tea's messages had brought clarity to some of the distorted images within her head.
"Mina…the sign on the door says it's closed."
Ignoring Suzaku's words, Mina withdraws the extra key she'd kept from her boss after quitting.
"Kaiba rented out the place for the day," she explains after unlocking the door. "They're probably scrambling to hide right now."
Suzaku glances about the narrow hallway as they enter, his instincts heightening reflexively in the darkness until Mina takes hold of his wrist without warning, startling him out of his trance.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!" Wailing like a banshee, Mina pushes Suzaku in front of her while pointing toward the floor. "SPIDER! IT'S HUGE! KILL IT! KILL IT PLEASE!"
The knight freezes, confusion prompting him to look where she'd pointed before registering how there wasn't a single response to Mina's screaming.
By the time he realizes his mistake, it's too late.
He pivots just as Mina stabs the Refrain needle into the back of his neck, incapacitating him almost instantly when the drug invades his system.
"G-Gah!"
He drops to his knees, a harsh gasp escaping past his lips.
The effects are practically instantaneous.
"I hope you won't hate me for that," Mina proclaims, her footsteps echoing off the floor as she passes by his crumpled form. "I'm willing to bet you'll chase me across the world, and I need a good head start."
Breathing heavily, Suzaku stumbles back onto his feet and cringes when her visage distorts into someone else.
The soft, sad smile she offers is all too familiar.
"No… It can't…"
"If you do end up hating me though…I'll understand."
Twisting on her heel, the former senshi of love starts a slow trek toward the ladies room. Suzaku makes an attempt go after her, but his equilibrium is off. He only manages a few steps before tripping over his feet.
Collapsing hard on the ground, he inhales and exhales, hoping to fight off the effects of the powerful narcotic.
"N-No…don't…p-please…"
The desperation she hears tugs at her heart.
She stops to glance back at the knight against her better judgement.
Rising to his knees, the Japanese soldier of Britannia carefully crawls along the floor, his emerald gaze piercing through to the core of her soul.
From that look alone she knows he doesn't hate her.
He's frightened for her…frightened of what this choice means for her future if he can't convince her to stay.
"KILL…"
"KILL…"
"KILL…"
But this is her only chance to run.
"KILL…"
"KILL…"
"KILL…"
Her cellphone buzzes within her purse. She doesn't have to check it to know that Joey's calling her.
She can't answer him either…because with each passing second…
"KILL…"
"KILL…"
"KILL…"
As Suzaku's struggling ceases and his eyes glaze over with whatever hallucination the drug grants him, Minako Aino finally remembers breaking into the apartment Joey once shared with his father.
She hadn't known the boy had moved out weeks ago.
And it didn't matter.
The Millennium Sword escaped from her body that night…and she used it to inflict unspeakable torture on the man that had abused her beloved for so long.
"KILL…"
She's running out of time.
"E-Euphie…is…that you?"
Finally turning away from Suzaku, Mina enters the ladies room, locks herself in a stall, unzips her duffel bag, and digs past her toiletries and cigarette packs in search for the one item that will enable her escape.
"KILL…"
"I'm sorry, Suzaku," she mutters, grasping the handle of the magic mirror she recovered from Azabu Park. "I meant what I said. I don't want to be your enemy, but…"
"YOU CAN'T RESIST FOREVER, MINA."
Holding the mirror in front of her face reveals crimson-colored eyes.
"That's the path I've chosen. For better or worse."
Meanwhile, as the girl once known as Sailor Venus commands the magic mirror to take her away from Domino City, Joey Wheeler flings his phone at the wall, shattering it.
Not a single strand of love remains in his heart.
A/N: THE END. Holy cow…
I'll adjust this end author's note later…but for now there's two people I have to thank. Pretty sure one of them will hit me with a metal pipe for this, but it's gotta be done.
SuperNova23: Thank you for your friendship for all these years and for your assistance on duels. The duel between Joey and D.D. wouldn't have been possible without your help and I'm so thankful for your support and interest in this work and Here We Go Again. Thanks for buying Persona 5 for me too. Got me through a rough time a few years ago. Even if I'm not the best at staying in touch with you, know that the good times we've had together are special to me. Best wishes and God bless you. Thanks for being my friend.
Getsunohimesama: Sista…I don't even know where to start when it comes to thanking you. Girl, you have been my rock through so many things. Your support, enthusiasm, and encouragement kept me writing for this story even when I had lost interest and thought about quitting entirely. You inspired so many great ideas that made this story what it is. I am forever grateful to God for the impact you have left on my life. We have had our ups and downs. We have fought together, cried together, experienced grief and loss together…and it's been a wild adventure from the moment we met. You are one of my best friends in the entire world, and I love you so much! And yes…you are just going to have to hit me with a metal pipe. God bless you girl!
To any other readers out there, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to share this story with you all. I love you all. God bless you all.
Also…later I'll add a list of songs for the soundtrack of this story. Not right now though. It's almost 1am. So tired…