Heyyyyy guys! I know I was supposed to post yesterday, but I got in a little writing rut with one scene and I just couldn't figure it out in time, so hence the delay in update :)

CHAPTER 19 - How was that for a Zen lesson?

Rose's POV

I wake up, surprisingly, at an early hour. It's still dark outside and Ivan is still sleeping, which means it's before 5 o'clock, as his alarm was set for that hour, and this means I have plenty of time to sleep until I have to face once more the reality of outside this room.

I turn to the other side, preferring this position better, and I know I shouldn't, but I get halfway up, to look at Dimitri. He is sleeping on his back, with his head tilted to the side, with one hand hooked above his head, and he looks… peaceful. Maybe the word I'm looking for is relaxed. Around me, he doesn't get the chance to be like that too often, but tonight I saw him let go of that self-imposed harshness of his. He even laughed a lot of times and even if I was just imagining it, the way he was looking at me, even if for a split second, made my chest ache in ways I never thought it could.

Even if I allowed myself this indulgence, I fist the sheet under me when the thought of reaching out and passing my fingers through his hair crosses my mind. God knows he'd wake up, and I have no explanation for that reckless gesture.

"If you're thinking of putting a pillow over his face, I don't recommend it," I hear Ivan's voice from behind me.

Startled that I've been caught, I want to turn around and try to excuse myself, but I don't get the chance. Instead, I feel my hand slipping off the edge of the bed, and from that to me landing on Dimitri, it's a matter of seconds.

The next thing I know is that Dimitri rips me off him and I'm flat on my back on the ground, with him on top of me.

"Easy there, Dimitri. It's just Rose," Ivan tries to stop his friend before he does something that might hurt.

"Rose?" he releases my wrists and helps me up to my butt. "What were you doing?"

"I um…"

"Are you hurt?" he tries to inspect my body in the little light in the room, probably concerned at the force with which he pushed me to the ground, but there's no way in hell I'll admit my shoulder blades hurt. My ego won't suffer from that too.

"No."

Ivan is the only one amused by this situation, as he explains to Dimitri how come I fell over him.

"You should be grateful I caught her in the act, otherwise you would have been in for a nightly suffocation session."

But the way Dimitri looks at me tells me he doesn't think this was my reason, and it's only thanks to Ivan that he doesn't make me elaborate on it.

Too embarrassed to add anything to Ivan's story, I crawl back in bed and pray I fall asleep fast, because unlike an endless hole appearing under my bed and swallowing me whole, it sounds like an achievable thing.

Besides that moment this morning which I won't forget soon, the first day of the year is slow and by my standards, rather uneventful. I sleep in late, for Dimitri's bed, despite the hard mattress, offers a different kind of comfort that makes me not want to leave it. Of course, I eventually need to accomplish my visit to Yana and eat, and after that, I move my stuff into Anton's room, since it was emptied when he and Ivan left and I know that I cannot bother Dimitri any longer. I know I cannot risk sharing a room only with him for that long.

After that, I go to my room and spend some time with the injured guardians, keeping them the best company I can, listening to their problems and stories and offering to provide them with anything they need. But they don't ask for anything. They never do.

When I leave, it's already evening, but hey, I have made a new friend, so I guess it doesn't matter. With Mikhail, I didn't feel time passing. He has some of the craziest stories I've ever heard and he has done some stupid shit in his 25 years on this planet, but it was all so entertaining I just couldn't bring myself to leave.

I met briefly with Dimitri throughout the day, as he would frequently check in on me, but later in the evening, after a disappointing conversation with the Court's librarian, I wanted to talk with him too.

"Can I ask you for something?"

"That depends. What do you want?"

"I'd like to go to a library."

"Have you suddenly become an avid reader?" yeah, yeah, he can poke fun at me for it, but I still don't see the appeal.

"Not really. But I need something."

"We have a library here, at the Court."

"I know. But I cannot find what I need there. Miss Kirova told me that there is this library nearby that might have what I need. It's also sort of a thing where the Alchemists are involved, and you know how thorough they are with their information." I pray he does because I didn't even know they existed until I talked to the Court's librarian.

"I know the place. Tell me what it is that you want and I can get it for you."

I expected him to say that. "Yeah, about that… I might… I want to get out of here for a while." I swear, seeing the same fancy walls every single day is going to drive me mad. "Do you think that would be possible? Like… replace the shopping for candles with that? I'll go to all my lessons with Evette, I promise."

"You know what's the thing with you? You always say you'll stay put and then you don't." I open my mouth to protest, but he stops me. "And don't say that this time will be different. Because last time it wasn't different." yeah, I guess my hunger strike can be counted as a break of our deal.

"But it will."

The man rolls his eyes. "Allow me not to believe you."

"Fine. I won't promise you I won't do another messy thing. But I promise I'll try."

"This is the best I can get from you, isn't it?"

"At least it's a promise."

He sighs. "I'll see what I can do about this trip."

In short, he makes it happen. The next day, even. He can be all sorts of things, but not inefficient.

The woman at the main desk seems to know Dimitri quite well and from the way she started fumbling when she saw him, I think she's fancying him. Who wouldn't, right?

He seems to be a regular around here, as they're calling each other by the first name (hers is Ava) and she has saved some books for him. Westerns, of course. She even seems to share the same passion for the genre, and I need to be bored to death for about ten minutes as she won't stop talking about this new book she stumbled upon and how he should join the book club here.

I kind of feel sorry for her. Not because he's married to his job, or because his eyes are on me for most of their conversation, still worried I'd do something stupid, or because when she gives him her number, you know, in case of a book emergency, he tries to pretend he's completely oblivious to her flirting, but because poor human, if only she knew the truth about us. You can tell which ones of the humans in here are Alchemists, for they eye Dimitri and I like we're the devil. Of course, if we were, the crosses at their necks, that they keep on touching each time we make eye contact with me, would offer them no protection.

When the small talk is over, we get the reference shelves for our books and start looking. Eventually, I had to tell Dimitri I'm searching for information about Saint Vladimir.

"Why is that?"

"You see, the book I read back at the Court says he never found his element."

The wheels spin in his head fast. "Like you."

"Yeah. But there is nothing more I could find about that. I guess people only cared about all the wonderful things he did and not about who he was or why he was that way. But I need to know more. Maybe there's a reason why he never found his powers."

"Let's search for those books then."

But before I get to work, I have to say it. I have to tease him about it.

"So, you're going to join her book club?"

He stops mid-step and eyes me.

"Stop it right now."

"Stop what? What did I say?"

"You haven't said it yet."

And of course I am going to say it. I think I can come up with enough girlfriend jokes to piss him off, but I'll go easy on him for now.

"I think you two could have a successful 'Walker, Texan Ranger' fan club."

Or maybe she'd be more successful starting a fan club for the Russian in front of me. There would be potential members here, for a lot of the women around us forgot about their books when he walked by.

"Rose."

"She's pretty," I push it. I don't know his preferences, but she's generally attractive.

He still fixes me with his gaze, this time squinting his eyes.

"Do you want us to go back to the Court right now?"

"No."

"Then zip it and search for your books."

But I am not up to a good start in my search. As I was still looking at Dimitri, smiling, pondering whether to push the limits again or shut up, I was taking some steps back, and I ended up tripping over someone's bag, and making some noise. Plus, I kind of used my outdoor voice to apologize to the bag's owner, and if until now I wondered if Ava didn't like me thanks to my association with Dimitri, as she shows me the Keep quiet sign, I know she at least has one reason to dislike me.

The search is as boring as it can possibly be. We have a pretty long list and we get the books off the shelves, then scan through them for some relevant information because I don't want to go back to the Court with a bunch of useless books. But as boring as that is, I am good at finding distractions.

"What do you think this is?" I show him the stain on the cover of the book I'm holding. "I'd say someone had their lunch while reading this."

"It looks rather moldy. Maybe it was in a damp place for a while."

"Let's see."

And not that I would actually do it, but I stick my tongue out and start bringing the book closer to my face.

"Hey, don't lick that!" he takes the book from me. "I just told you that it looks moldy."

"And?"

"And when you hear something logical, do you usually close off your ears and do the opposite thing of what's rational?"

"Don't you?"

Slightly smiling, he shakes his head. "Sometimes, I wonder how you're still alive."

"Well, it's thanks to you lately."

I guess we were a little too distracted by our conversation to realize we both reached for the same book, and that now his hand was over mine. And even when we realize it, it takes us a couple of seconds to react. I mean, he reacts, because I was a little too shocked about it to do anything.

To divert our attention from that previous awkwardness, I start something stupid.

"Oh, look, it seems like she's going off to lunch," I inform Dimitri when I see Ava switching places with a colleague.

"And?" he doesn't take his eyes off the book he's taken off the shelf.

"I don't know, aren't you hungry?"

"I didn't come here to eat." so, we're back to the cold, indifferent tone, huh?

Turning his back to me, he puts the book back on the shelf and reaches for another one, completely unrelated to our interest. He would do anything not to look at me at this moment and instead of appreciating it, I only make it worse.

"Well, yeah, but mixing business with pleasure never hurt anybody."

And oh boy, when he turns his head and looks at me, I think I should have shut up. He's going to drag me back to the Court any second now.

"I am not going to tell you again, Rose." he even proves his point by leaving for another section of the library.

I stick around these shelves for another minute or two, then join him on the search there.

I don't talk anymore, too afraid I might fuck this up completely. Another reason why I don't talk is that I don't want to ask for help.

Time passes between us, in silence, as we take books off the shelves and search for what we need, but I always come back to that book that I spotted earlier on the top shelf, which I know is not humanly possible for me to reach. And I go back to not wanting to ask him for help. I'm proud, even though I was the one who started it. After all, what have I done wrong? I was just joking.

I still hope that he will spot it eventually and take it to analyze it, but I soon realize he is ignoring it on purpose. I saw his eyes scanning that shelf and he did nothing, so I guess this is his way of punishing me for the shit I said.

I don't give up easily. I look around for a way to get to it, but getting up on a chair wouldn't seem too nice, for I'd stain it, jumping around would make too much noise, and when I asked Ava, who eventually came back, for a ladder, she tells me it just broke. And if this isn't karma coming to bite me in the ass, I don't know what else it is.

So I go back, defeated, ready to ask him. But he's kind enough not to let me say it. He just takes the book and hands it to me.

"This is the last one on the list."

And it is our last attempt at finding something useful because all the books we looked through were unsuccessful. This one too. This library has close to nothing about St. Vladimir. Nothing new, anyway. This was a waste of time.

When we go back to the main desk, and Ava sees us without any book to take home, she informs us that there might be some more books, but they are part of a private collection. She could call and make a connection between us and their owner, if we want to.

"We'd love to."

I leave her my information, even though I think she thought this was her chance to get Dimitri's, and we head outside.

"What if that doesn't work out either?"

"I might have another place to look into." and he mentions it now, after all the work we invested here?

"You do?"

"I once helped the priest put away some books in the attic, and there were some about the saints. I think there was a book about Vladimir among them. I'll look into it when we get back."

"Thank you. Maybe I can finally find out what's wrong with me."

He looks at me with a frown. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"We both know that's not so true. I was just about to lick a moldy book, comrade."

We're both smiling when we get outside, and my little amusement soon turns into pure joy.

"It's snowing!" and it must have been snowing for a while. The cars around are covered with it.

"So?"

"So? It's amazing!"

"You've never seen snow?"

"No."

"But it snows in Turkey."

"Not where I lived. Not even once. And hey, your country is to blame too. It's funny that I spent so much time in an arctic wasteland and I saw no snow."

"Prejudice much again?"

"Comrade, Russia is famous for its winters."

"Where we were, it usually doesn't snow until the end of January."

"My luck then, eh? I can enjoy it now." and for the first minutes of our ride back, I make all sorts of plans on how to enjoy this to the maximum.

He doesn't share my enthusiasm and I know exactly why. He has been like this for a couple of days, and I've been avoiding the subject for just as long, afraid he'd not open up, but I still ask.

"Were there people you knew? Among the guardians who died, I mean." He nods. "Does this mean you're going to their ceremony the day after tomorrow?" He shakes his head. "Why not?"

"There are more important things to do."

"Like?" he looks at me. "Oh. I see." I feel bad about being the reason he cannot say farewell to his friends. "What if I'd go? You would have to come along, right?"

"Why would you go?"

"Because it wasn't fair towards them. Because they deserve better. And it's the least I can do. So I'm going."

He smiles. "Then I guess I'll have to tag along if you go."

"Good."

But until our next trip, I have some snowy plans to accomplish as soon as we reach the Court. Still, I don't get to enjoy the snow too much, as Captain Boring keeps on trying to spoil my fun.

"You'll get wet and cold. You'll probably catch a cold too, and that will say a lot about your recklessness."

"It doesn't matter."

"It does. We may have a better immune system, but it's not unbeatable. Come."

And with that, he drags me inside and up to my room, where he makes sure I get dressed appropriately.

When I'm all swaddled up, he's still not satisfied. He completely zips up my coat and puts a beanie on my head.

"There you go. Now you can go out and play."

"Did you just talk to me like to a five-year-old?"

"You were acting like one earlier, so you know…"

I punch him, trying to act offended, but my mood is too high to actually feel that way, so I end up sticking my tongue out at him.

"Fine, you win this one, comrade."

Back outside, I can't resist the temptation to make a snowball and throw it at him.

He looks at me as if he is going to throw one back. Oh, we're going to have a great fight!

"I am not going to play with you."

"You're no fun." I throw another, but he sticks to his decision. "Want to build a snowman with me instead?" I show him my extra pair of gloves, that I got especially for him to join me.

"No."

"Fine then. I don't need you, boring man."

I am determined not to let him spoil my mood, so I go look for Lissa to play with me. She immediately agrees to my suggestion.

Dimitri's POV

To see Rose so happy about such a small thing is endearing.

She is building that snowman with Lissa, and their jolly mood is contagious. At times, I even find myself smiling at their laughter. Rose's days haven't been so good lately, and this snowy episode seems to be a well-deserved breath of fresh air.

But things have to come to an end, and Lissa needs to go back to her duties, leaving Rose alone once again. Well, not alone, but with me. And as soon as it's just the two of us, she looks at me.

"What?"

"Come on, comrade, play with me."

"There are plenty of people you could play with."

"But I want to play with you."

"Rose…" I try to sound scolding.

She has no idea how much I'd love to. But I already risked a lot, a lot of times. The party, the trip in town and so many other things that people could have seen. I honestly don't know what I was thinking then, but I promised myself I would not let something like that happen ever again. She cannot suffer because of my recklessness.

"Please?" she even pouts her lower lip, and it takes a lot of me not to give in.

"I can't."

"I promise no one is going to die if you enjoy yourself a little bit," her mood visibly plummets. "It's snowing, for god's sake, have some fun."

I stick to my decision. There is even this group of Moroi near us, and people are already frowning upon my friendship with Ivan. They will surely think there's something wrong with our interaction and I don't want to put her through that.

When she sees me watching these people, she smiles sadly.

"You know, there's more to life than duty and what other people think, Dimitri."

"That's easy for you to say," the words slip out of my mouth way too fast for me to have thought about the consequences.

Her smile turns sour. "Because I'm a privileged little bitch, that's why?"

"I didn't-"

"But you kind of did."

"You know I wouldn't have said that."

"It sounded to me like you were going to say exactly that."

"Just because you put those words in my mouth doesn't mean I was going to say them."

"And what were you going to say?"

I sigh. I don't even know where I was trying to get.

"You can afford to take some liberties in your life. I don't." especially when it comes to her.

"Funny how it sounds just like what I said, but just heavily polished."

"Rose."

She wants to walk past me and I want to stop her, but she pushes my hand away.

"Don't fucking bother."

I want to follow her up to her room, but she dismisses me for the rest of the day.

And now that I managed to spoil even this little thing for her, how can I not hate myself for it?

Later the night, I find myself lingering at her door. I want to make things right. What I did wasn't fair, but she got me wrong too. I'm mad about both of those things, so it doesn't take me much to make a decision and start knocking at her door.

She doesn't answer, but I know she's in there.

"Rose, open up. I know you know it's me. And I know you're awake."

"Go away."

"Open up. I'm not stopping, nor leaving."

"Why would I?"

"Open up, please."

She keeps me at the door for five more minutes, but eventually opens it. She doesn't protest when I ask her to come with me, and I take her to the training room.

"What are we doing here?"

I throw her a pair of hand wraps.

"Oh, fuck you," she says throwing them to the floor.

"Yeah, that's the point. Fuck me. Now put those on."

When we first came to the Court, she let out her anger on me on a punching bag, but now I'm providing her the real thing.

"You're not going to fight me the way I want you to, so what's the point?"

"Oh, I will fight you. Because I'm just as mad as you are."

"Oh, are you, Mister Composure?"

"Yes, I am."

"Great. At least you're finally showing some emotion."

She puts the hand wraps on, so do I, and then we head toward the mats.

"If you ask me even once if you hurt me, I'm breaking your nose," she warns me.

Rose's POV

Our sparring is fast and messy, fueled by both our waves of anger. He meant it when he said we're sharing the same feeling, but I haven't figured out whose anger is stronger. Still, neither of us gives up easily. We land or receive blows, deflect others, and the distance between us grows smaller and smaller with each punch thrown.

It only takes a few minutes for us to turn this into an attempt to establish dominance down on the mat, but once again, we're not ready to admit ourselves defeated that soon. We switch places a couple of times, now landing punches with our knees and elbows when the fists don't work.

That until he gets me tired enough to not be able to rip my hands away from his grip. And with my hands pinned down, with his weight on me, I cannot move anymore. Not even my legs can help me at this point, no matter how much I wiggle them.

We're both gasping for air, but he doesn't seem willing to get off me and give me space. It's a smart choice because I would try to hit him again if I were given the space.

As I am forced to stare into his eyes, I soon feel all that previous tension leaving my body. I don't know when he let go of his fiery feelings, but I find only calmness in his brown eyes. A calmness that seeps into me and makes me resonate with him on another level now.

"I'm sorry, Rose."

He is the bigger person here, for I am not ready to say those words yet, even though I know I overreacted earlier.

"What exactly are you sorry for? For caring so much about what other people think? You think your job-"

"That job is all I have. That job is what made me who I am because god knows what I would have become without it."

"What do you mean by that?"

He doesn't answer and I feel those bad feelings coming back. Why do I keep expecting him to open up to me?

"Great, Dimitri. It's funny how I trust you to tell you so much about myself but you…" I wiggle my wrists out of his grip. "Get off me."

He lets me go, and I take a few steps toward the door, but his words stop me.

"You know how you hate the rules of being a guardian and all that? I need them."

"Why?"

"Because I would have chosen the wrong path if there wasn't this structure to keep me in place."

The anguish I see in him while speaking about this, I feel it too. He didn't want to say this out loud, but I pushed him. He did it for me.

Instead of asking more, I smile.

"You, a bad boy? Breaking the rules? I can see that happening, but mostly in a Western context."

He smiles too, and it's mostly in appreciation for changing the subject. But I'm not ready to let go of it completely. After all this time, he's showing me a part of himself, and I've been trying to figure him out for so long.

"Still, despite the past, it doesn't mean that the life you have now has to be full of repressed desires." he used to have more fun, didn't he? "I don't think the world will end if you bend a rule once in a while."

"But what if that turns into a habit? What if I take it too far?" this is why he became so serious?

"So, would you rather not live at all, in fear that this will happen? And note that I said bend, not break. I'm not telling you to give up on everything you've ever known. I'm just telling you that you don't have to be this strict with yourself. Balance comes in many forms, Dimitri. You're allowed to play, just as much as you work. You're allowed to live for yourself, just as much as you're expected to live for others."

He doesn't say anything in return, and I know the conversation is over when he starts taking off his hand wraps.

I don't know how to assess the situation between us, so I open my mouth once more.

"How was that for a Zen lesson?"

He smiles and I know we're alright. "Looks like I'm starting to rub off on you, don't you think?"

I laugh at this and throw my hand wraps at him.

"You wish, comrade."

To show him that his good behavior hasn't rubbed off on me, or at least not that much, when we get outside, I pick some snow and throw it at him. Or maybe this was another attempt on my part to make things better between us, I don't know.

I don't expect him to respond, and I am even ready to accept a scolding from him, but none of that happens. Instead, he picks up some snow too and throws it my way. That's all it took for us to turn this into a full-on snowball fight.

I don't know who won, but at this point, it doesn't matter. The snow got everywhere in my clothes and I'm cold as hell, so when he suggests we end our fight, I agree.

But as we're heading back, I remember there's one more thing I didn't get the chance to do, and god knows when I'll have this much snow to do it.

"What's the matter?" he asks me when I stop and look around for an untouched patch of snow.

"Make a snow angel with me."

"Rose…"

"You don't have to if you don't want to. But I am going to make one anyway."

I head to the spot I found and let myself fall onto my back into the snow, then wiggle my legs and arms to the side.

Dimitri comes and stands at my feet, watching me, waiting for me to finish.

"Come on," is my last attempt to convince him, then I'm stopping. I'm not going to push it again. He's offered me plenty tonight.

But he doesn't need further convincing because, shaking his head, he gets to the empty spot next to me and forms his own snow angel.

"So, I guess I'm the one rubbing off on you now, huh?"

I can't see him next to me through the layer of snow that's separating us, but I know for sure he's smiling, just as I am.

I said I can't see him, but that doesn't mean I can't feel him. Because I do. I slid my arms up and down again, and when they came to their previous place, I found his hand there. For a second time today, our hands are touching. Right now it's only the tips of our fingers, but it's more than enough to make my stomach hollow.

"It's getting cold and you're all wet," he says and pulls his hand away.

"Yeah, you're right."

I get up and shake the snow off me, which is the perfect reason not to look at him and feel embarrassed for that tingly feeling I got while touching him.

But I am not really ashamed, even though that is a part of the mix of my emotions. I'm mostly pissed. At myself, for even feeling such a thing! What am I doing here?

To make matters worse, as we're back on our way toward my room, he puts his coat on my shoulders. I should tell him to take it back, but I don't. I shouldn't take my anger on myself on him.

"Thank you."

"You should take a warm shower."

"I will."

If only I could get back to my room faster.

But of course that doesn't go as I wished.

Thanks to my hurried pace, I manage to slip on a hidden patch of ice. And I should be grateful that I won't have a bruise on my ass, but I think I preferred that instead of him touching me again.

"You can let go of me now," I mumble against his chest.

"You're going to slip again."

"I won't. So let go."

He does and damn it, I slip again! Why was I so stupid to put on my sneakers in this shitty weather?

This time I fell and not only did my ass get hit, but my ankle as well.

"You just had to be stubborn, didn't you?"

"Oh, go to hell. And don't touch me!" I move his hand away when he extends it to me.

I want to regain my dignity and get up by myself, but it seems that luck is not on my side. I keep on slipping and this is becoming embarrassing.

"Do you need a hand?"

"Does it look like I need your help?"

"Do you want me to answer that or is it rhetorical?"

"If you touch me, I swear to god-"

But he ignores my threat and puts his hands under my shoulders.

"Let go of me. I said I don't want your help!"

"Tough luck then," he says, annoyance filling his voice too, and pulls me up.

As I put pressure on my foot, I wince. That hurts. And of course he notices.

"I'll take a look at that when-"

"No. You're not touching that."

"Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I can do it myself."

"But it would be way easier if I'd help you."

"I don't want you to."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn about it?"

"Because!" Because he has no idea what it means to me when he touches me!

"I swear to god, I don't get you. What's wrong with you all of a sudden?"

"Oh, so many things are wrong with me! And they all are because of you!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. It's supposed to mean nothing. Now, would you please leave me alone?"

We make it inside and unless I break my neck on the stairs, I'll be okay.

"You're unbelievable, Rose, you know that?"

"Thank you. Now would you just go away?"

The confusion and disappointment I see in his eyes, I know I made that happen, but maybe it's better this way, if he has plenty of reasons not to like me as a person.

Dimitri's POV

In the morning, I go to her room to make sure she gets to her lesson with Evette. I knock and enter, and I find her picking up her stuff from around the room.

I wait and she doesn't say much. She doesn't say anything at all. She would usually come up with something funny or would make some kind of excuse not to see Evette, but I guess she is still upset about last night, even though I haven't figured out what I did, exactly.

"You're so silent this morning. Nothing to complain about?"

Maybe that sounds harsh, but I am still confused after last night, and yes, a little bothered by the change in her attitude.

Lissa enters the room just then, bringing tea.

"She shouldn't be speaking too much today. All that playing outside yesterday didn't do her throat any good."

"I see. How's your ankle?"

"Great," she says in a raspy voice.

"Can I see?" she shakes her head. "I'll take a look anyway."

She takes a sip of tea, probably preparing to threaten me.

"You're going to get yourself hit if you do." predictable.

"I'll take my chances."

I crouch in front of her and lift the hem of her pants. It's worse than I expected. It's swollen and I think she did nothing to prevent that from happening.

"You cannot walk around like this. You should rest in bed. I'll bring you some ice too."

"This means-"

"Evette could come to you. Don't worry, you won't miss a thing."

"Fucker," she mumbles.

Later the day, when I hope her moodiness has passed, I go to her room again. But she's not alone. I hear it before I knock.

"What do you need those books for?"

Adrian.

So he was the connection Ava was talking about?

"You see, Evette is pushing me to study all these weird stuff. And I can't afford to have her scold me again, I swear. She's a menace."

"You're bullshitting me, aren't you, Yilmaz?" How did he figure that out? Her lie was believable enough. "It would be easier if you were honest with me."

"I… if I said that I lied to you, would you take back your books?"

"I'll let you off this time."

"Even if I don't tell you the real reason I need them?"

"I have a vague idea about that. But I guess, at the end of the day, it's none of my business."

"Thank-"

"Still," he interrupts her and I have to resist the urge to get in there and stop this conversation. I know where it's heading. "I think I deserve something in return, don't you?" it's always that way with him.

"And what would that be?"

"Nothing much. What if we'd meet for tea one of these days?"

"Seems reasonable enough."

"Great. I'll make sure the books get to you."

When he gets out of the room, I pretend to have just arrived.

"Lord Ivaskhov."

"Oh, come on, Dimitri, how many times have I asked you to drop that title? We're fam-"

"No, we're not."

Ever since he figured out who my father is, he keeps on going on and on with this and one day someone is going to hear it. It just won't get into his head that I don't want to have anything to do with that family. It has been an unknown thing for so long, I want it to remain like that.

He smiles. "You sure know how to hold a grudge. But I am not him, you know?" he pats my chest. "See you around, cuz."

When I enter the room, I have to pretend in front of her too.

"What was he doing here?"

"Why do you care?"

Because I know he is bad news. I've seen the way he was watching her at the party. That tea date of theirs, he's after something and I am not going to let him get it.

"Maybe I don't."

"Great. It's not your job to care."

And here we go again. She's still acting that way.

I am in no mood to argue with her any longer, so I decide to leave.

"Hey, where are you going? Why did you come here?"

"It doesn't matter anymore."

Would it change anything if I told her I wanted to talk things out?

Although her ankle is still swollen, she insists on going to the funeral.

"I won't even be walking much. I'll be in a car then I'll sit down in the church. So I'm going."

So we go. After all, I don't want to do something to upset her again. She seemed somewhat jolly this morning. Of course, before she saw my face.

But the fact that she is doing this makes it even more confusing. She is doing it partly for me. And if I am still so annoying to be around, why is she doing this?

On the road, she doesn't seem to want to acknowledge my existence in the car, sitting next to her, and I do nothing to insert myself into her discussion with Mikhail (who Rose liked so much that she asked him to stay as an extra guardian) and Nikolai. I stick to my book.

When we arrive, she tries to be discrete about her presence there, but a lot of people are already aware of who she is. Besides, she is the only Moroi there, and that's hard to miss. The King didn't bother to send his regards, so no representative of his came along. I guess he thinks that hosting the injured guardians at the Court is more than enough. He did his job, they left or are soon to leave, and that's it.

Almost all heads turn her way when she walks around, but she keeps on to the benches in the back for the duration of the ceremony, and asks us not to mind her, just go and participate in the ceremony. In a room filled with guardians, she'd be safe anywhere she sits, right?

After that, she goes to talk to the families of the ones who died. I don't know what she told them, but it brought tears to their eyes. I saw the tears in her eyes too, and I wasn't the only one. Still, some guardians have said that she's only faking it. But I know the truth. She has such a good heart, and she'll prove everyone wrong. I'm glad I'll be around to see that happen.

Getting back at the Court, she feigns tiredness as I take her to her room and I know it's my cue to leave.

I am even starting to believe I've done something irreparable at this point, and I fear I might never know what that was.

The next morning, I meet her as she's running toward me. I honestly don't know what the outcome of this will be. She is laughing, but god knows at this point.

"Princess, you shouldn't run like that. Your ankle could-"

"Shhhh," she says, hiding behind me. "She doesn't need to know I am here."

"Who?"

"Her!"

She fumbles behind me, holding on to my elbow with one hand while trying to hide her dress as best as she can with the other.

And by her, she's referring to Evette, who is coming toward me too, her mood being the complete opposite of Rose's. I guess it's because her dress is wet that she's so angry.

"What did you do now?"

"Shush!"

When Evette faces me, seeing the look on her face, I decide it's best to move out of her way.

"You traitor!"

"I don't know what you've done, but you'll have to face the consequences of your actions." for sure I am not subjecting myself to Evette's wrath willingly.

"You will too. I won't forget your betrayal. You already had it coming, comrade."

So, we're back to comrade? When and how did that happen?

It was only during Rose's scolding that I found out what she had done. She glued all of Evette's things to the desk, and if that wasn't enough of an inconvenience, she used super glue to prevent the desk drawers from opening. Still, Evette tried. And she tried a little too hard, managing to knock over the glass of water she had brought with her. Only bad luck made it that it had ice in it. But it didn't stop there. Rose, being the taunter she is, commented on it, when her teacher got mad.

"You always tell me to cool off my temper. You're practically iced up, so why are you mad?"

Hearing about this, I can only wonder what's coming for me. She doesn't seem the type to threaten and not follow through.

I don't expect her to take revenge on me right away, but I still enter her room with caution when I go to deliver the books from Adrian and from the church.

When she sees how many books I brought, I see it on her face that she wants to ask me to share the reading.

"No. This is all your fun." maybe having this much to read will take her mind off plotting her revenge on me.

"Oh, gee, thanks, comrade. My hair will turn gray by the time I'm done with these."

But truth is, I only gave her some books, keeping half of them to myself, to do some searching too.

I want to leave, not wanting to stick around too much and spoil this little out-of-nowhere reconciliation we had.

"Hey," she stops me.

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For um… looking in the church. You must have done that in your free time and…"

"Don't mention it."

Rose's POV

He leaves and I soon start scanning through the books, trying to sort them in some way. I find an odd book. A western. Dimitri must have put it here by accident.

When someone knocks on my door, I assume it's him, coming back for the book.

Passing in front of the mirror, I am reminded that I've gotten changed into my nightie, but I do nothing to cover myself. I only have to give him his book back, I don't have to open the door too much. He won't see a thing.

Dimitri's POV

I thought Rose would take a break for a few days now that her mood has improved after her prank, but, as Lissa and Evette are informing me, she is locked up in her room and doesn't want to let anyone get in. I mean, I could see why she wouldn't want to meet her teacher, but Lissa? Rose barely let her know she was in there, refusing to say much else.

She was fine when I left last night. What could have happened?