Hey everyone, I just want to say a massive thank you to you all for reading and a special extra thanks to those taking the time to leave me such wonderful reviews. I really appreciate it and enjoy reading your thoughts. Please, please, please do keep them coming. It gives me the encouragement and motivation to continue with the story. Reading what you think of each chapter. Thank you!
And now here's the next chapter for you :) it's mainly just a flashback chapter, but I still hope you enjoy it all the same.
"No, I don't blame you for avoiding me," Joseph said with a shake of his head and watched as Clarisse looked down at her wedding ring a moment before looking back up at him. He knew it had been her ring she had been looking at, from how she held out her hand in front of her, and for the briefest of moments, he wondered why. Why did she keep looking down at her wedding ring. "I was so ashamed of my actions, my behaviour, that I would have done the same."
"Do I wish it hadn't been her you slept with? Yes, of course I do. Do I wish it had been me instead? Yes. Definitely. But what happened happened. Rupert was still alive then, so it's not like we could have been together back then anyway." Clarisse said as she studied her husbands face. "Even if we did nearly give in to temptation when I eventually let you in my office later that day."
"Oh I remember that, when I came to speak to you, to try and clear the air so to speak, things did get a little heated between us and we very nearly did end up giving in to temptation," he said and looked across the room, thinking back to that day. The very first time, they nearly gave in to their feelings for one another.
Hearing a knock on her office door, and knowing exactly who it was Clarisse put her elbows on her desk in front of her and covered her face with her hands as she let out a long, frustrated sigh. Because it hadn't been the first time he had been there at her door that day, begging for her to let him in so that he could speak to her.
She had spent the day trying her best to get through all the paperwork while locked away in her office, hiding away from the world after she had discovered her bodyguard, the man she loved, in bed with her sister earlier that morning. But she knew she couldn't hide away from him forever. She was going to have to face him sooner or later.
"Your Majesty, please let me in," Joseph said from the other side of the door, pulling Clarisse from her thoughts as she remained sitting at her desk. "We really need to talk."
"What would you like me to do, Your Majesty," Charlotte said softly, watching as the Queen lowered her hands from her face and folded her arms together on the desk in front of her while looking up at her assistant before looking over at the door. Charlotte, of course, knew a little about what had happened that morning and had spent the last few hours keeping her company. Trying her best to help keep her mind off what had happened.
"I suppose I should let him in, to see what he has to say," Clarisse said as she looked at her assistant.
"Would you like me to stay, Your Majesty?" Charlotte asked.
"No, but don't stay away for too long," Clarisse said, "come back in a little while. Please."
"Of course, Your Majesty," Charlotte said and bowed her head to her before making her way over to the door.
"Thank you for today, Charlotte. I really appreciate it," Clarisse said as she watched her stop at the door and turn back to her.
"Anytime, Your Majesty," Charlotte said, offering her a small smile before turning back to the door and unlocking it.
Taking a deep breath, Clarisse remained sitting at her desk, watching as her assistant opened the door and Joseph slowly stepping forward. "You may come in." She said sombrely.
"Thank you," Joseph said as he entered her office before turning and watching the Queen's assistant leave. Once he had made sure the door was closed behind her, he turned back to his Queen. His heart hammered in his chest as he slowly made his way over to stand in front of her and it was then, at that moment, he noticed she had changed how she had her hair from this morning. It was no longer down. It had been put up with what he could only assume, was one of her vintage hair clips. "Firstly I want to apologise for what happened, for what you walked in on this morning."
"Duly noted," Clarisse nodded, clasping her hands together on the desk in front of her and looking down at them. She was unable to look up at him, in fear of what she might see, what would happen if her gaze met his. She had somehow managed thus far to keep her emotions at bay, and she wasn't about to lose it now.
"You know I have absolutely no interest in her, right?" Joseph asked, studying her a moment as she contemplated her answer.
"Do I?" Clarisse said and finally looked up at him. "I mean, you both got on pretty well, and you slept with her, so there's got to be something there, hasn't there?"
"You know damn well there's not, not when you and I..." He said and shook his head while resting his hands down on her desk and leaning forward slightly. "Not when my heart aches to be with you, Clarisse."
"You could have just told her a straight no last night. You didn't have to actually sleep with her," Clarisse said somewhat sadly.
"I didn't want to sleep with her you know, it certainly wasn't my intention," Joseph said.
"So why did you?" Clarisse asked.
"I don't know, we had a couple drinks, she kissed me in the moment, and it just happened," Joseph said as he stood back up straight. "I never intended it to happen, and I regret that it did so so much."
"You could have just told her you were already in a relationship. She didn't need to know who with," Clarisse said and shook her head while looking across her office. Silently admitting to herself that her sister had been right. She had absolutely no right to tell him who he can and can not be with. Not when she was married herself. Taking a deep breath, she stood to her feet and slowly walked around her desk to him as he turned and sat on the edge of her desk.
"You don't make this easy for me, do you?" Joseph asked and looked down at the floor while putting his hands down on her desk on either side of him. "I wish I could have told her no because my heart aches so so much for you, hell I wish that I could scream that I love you from the rooftops, letting everyone including Rupert, know that I love you, but I can't. And it hurts that I can't."
"I know, Joseph, I know," Clarisse said as she turned to sit on the edge of her desk beside him and crossed her arms across her stomach. "I wish I could to, and if circumstances were different, then maybe we could have, but we can't. Not for the foreseeable future anyway."
"Oh I know," Joseph nodded and thought a moment, "but then there's you telling her how you feel about me anyway. Which, by the way, I thought was a secret we were keeping to ourselves? That we had to keep to ourselves."
"I know, I'm sorry," Clarisse said, contemplating a moment before continuing. "I know there's a good few years between her and I, but we were close. Well, at least I thought we were. I trusted her," she said and took a deep breath. "There's so much I trusted her with over the years, and now this is how she repays me by sleeping with you."
"I can understand why you feel betrayed," Joseph said and turned his head to look at her as she nodded.
"Yes, well, it doesn't matter now, does it," Clarisse said, standing back to her feet and turning to him. "What's done is done. She's gone, and that's that. Lesson learned." She said and turned to walk back around behind her desk.
"Clarisse no," Joseph said and grabbed hold of her arm, stopping her from walking away.
"What are you doing?" Clarisse asked as she turned back to him. Their gaze meeting. That same gaze she had found herself getting lost in oh so many times over the years. "Joseph?" She said softly, her tummy fluttering.
"If she's gone over this, then surely I have to go too?" He finally said and stood to his feet, his hand still holding onto her arm. "I mean, I was part of the betrayal after all. It's only right I should leave too."
Her heart hammered in her chest as she watched him slowly turn to face her, his eyes now dark with desire. "No, I... I can't lose you too," she stammered and pressed a hand nervously to her stomach, suddenly feeling so small, so vulnerable, compared to him. "No," she said with a shake of her head.
Stepping closer, knowing he shouldn't because of who she was, and because she's married to someone else. But he just couldn't help himself. He had to touch her. "I'm so sorry, Clarisse," he said while reaching his hands out and placing them on her sides. "I really am."
"Why her Joseph," Clarisse asked and searched his eyes, a breath hitching in her throat as he moved his face closer to hers. Close enough for her to feel his breath on her skin. "You could have had anyone you wanted, and there's plenty of women out there that would love to be with you, but you slept with her. My sister." She said and closed her eyes. She didn't want to, she could stand there all day looking into his gorgeous blue eyes, but she had too. She could feel herself losing control and had to do something to break the gaze.
"I can't have anyone I want, though, can I?" Joseph said and watched as she opened her eyes to look back up at him. "Because I want you. And I can't have you. Not yet, at least."
"Oh Joseph, I," she said, allowing herself to be moved so she was now standing between him and her desk. A dangerous position to be in, and she knew it was wrong, that this shouldn't be happening between them, but she didn't care.
"I love you, Clarisse, and yes I know that I messed up, but there isn't anyone else I want to be with more," Joseph whispered as he put a hand up to cup her cheek and watched as she briefly closed her eyes while turning her face into his hand and kissed his palm.
"I love you too," Clarisse replied, her desire for him now so strong she allowed him to kiss her neck while he slowly unbuttoned her blouse. "Joseph," she gasped as he began trailing soft, light kisses down over her newly revealed chest and over the swell of her breast. "Someone might come in?" She whispered, a hand instinctively going to his shoulder as she dared a look down at him and seeing him place a kiss over her lace covered, now very hard nipple, before lifting his gaze to meet hers, she took her bottom lip between her teeth. "Oh god."
"You can stop me," he said, smiling seductively up at her. "You can stop this from happening if that's what you want."
"No, I don't want to stop you," she replied and shook her head.
"Then call through to Charlotte, tell her to hold all calls and not to disturb you," he said, his gaze still holding hers as he placed another kiss just above the lace material of her bra.
"Oh, yes. I'll do that," Clarisse exclaimed and reluctantly turned to lean over her desk, turning the phone to her and picking up the receiver, she started dialing through to her assistant's office when feeling Joseph's hands on her hips and his arousal pressing against her bottom caused her to gasp and go weak at the knees. "Oh god," she whispered and placed her free hand down on the desk to steady herself while tipping her head forward.
This was all new to her, how she was feeling right now, she had never felt anything like it before. Her husband of nearly forty years had certainly never made her feel this way, so wanted, so desired. And although she knew it was wrong, that she should stop it from going any further, she really didn't want to. Because the truth was, ever since she realised she had loved this man, who had just made her feel things she had never felt before, she had wanted him. And she knew he had wanted her just as much too.
"What's wrong?" Joseph asked as he raised a hand up from her hip and removed the hair clip from her hair, smiling contentedly as it fell down around her shoulders before tossing the clip onto her desk.
"You know damn well what's wrong?" She exclaimed, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she turned back to face him and reached up to kiss him while holding the telephone receiver to her ear, waiting for her assistant to answer the phone.
"Yes I do, but I wanted to hear you saying it," he murmured against her lips as he began to slowly gather her skirt up around her waist. "I want you Clarisse, and yes I know that we talked and said we couldn't act on our feelings while Rupert was still alive, but I want you now," he said seductively and watched as she replaced her telephone receiver before turning back to him. "And I think you feel the same way I do."
"Please forget what I said before and take me now god damn it," she said so brazenly, so carefree, and gasped in surprise as he lowered his hands and grasped hold of her thighs, lifting her of her feet and holding her in his arms a moment as she locked her arms around his neck and her legs around his body, before stepping forward and sitting her on the edge of her desk.
"Are you absolutely sure, because there will be no going back if we do this now," he asked as he put his hands up onto the sides of her neck and looked deep into her eyes.
"I have never been so sure of anything in my life," she said and momentarily closed her eyes as he trailed kisses down into the curve of her neck while tipping her back a little. "Oh god, Joseph," she exclaimed, her breathing becoming laboured, as she looked down between them, her hands fumbling with his belt buckle, trying desperately to unbuckle it.
"Clarisse?" Rupert's voice suddenly came over the intercom, halting their actions as they stared at one another. "Clarisse are you there?"
"I'm sorry," Clarisse whispered with a shake of her head and looked up into his desire filled eyes. "We need to stop this," she said, suddenly coming to her senses. The realisation of what they so very nearly did on her desk when anyone, Charlotte, Rupert, or either one of her sons, could have quite easily walked in on them, sinking in.
"I know," he nodded, reluctantly stepping back from her, his Queen, the woman he truly loved, sitting on the edge of her desk and turning away from her, to adjust himself.
"Clarisse?" Rupert's voice came over the intercom once again, pulling them both from their thoughts.
Taking a deep breath, praying her voice wouldn't betray her, she leant to the side and pressed down on a button to answer him. "Yes I'm here. What's the matter?"
"I need to speak to you. Are you able to come to my office?" Rupert replied.
"Yes, give me ten minutes, please? Then I will be there," Clarisse said and looked up at Joseph, who was now standing a few feet away from her and looking down at the floor with his hands in his pants pockets.
"Of course," Rupert said, and Clarisse removed her finger from the button, having no need to reply and looked up at her bodyguard.
"So close, but yet still do far," he said with a chuckle as Clarisse stepped from her desk and pushed her skirt back down. Straightening it out before doing up the buttons on her blouse.
"It was a pity Rupert interrupted us when he did, I would have taken you right there on your desk had he not," Joseph said as he watched Clarisse turn her head back to look at him still sitting in the chair beside her.
"I know you would have, but I'm glad he did interrupt us that day," Clarisse said, taking Joseph by surprise as she looked back down at her wedding ring.
"Oh," Joseph replied somewhat sadly. Having thought all this time that she had wanted it to happen between them had they not been interrupted, just as much as he did. But he must've been mistaken after all.
"Oh no, not because I didn't want it to happen, because I did. Oh, I wanted it to happen so very much back then," Clarisse said upon hearing the sadness in his voice as she looked back up at him. "But I am glad he interrupted because I feared what would happen after we slept together. I knew that if it was as wonderful as I imagined it would be, then I would have wanted more, and I knew it would cause nothing but problems had that been the case."
"Ooh," Joseph replied in a much more happier way and smiled smugly as Clarisse laughed over his reaction. But honestly, he just felt elated, relieved even, to know that she had, in fact, wanted it to happen too. Had they been given the chance.
"I was right though, after that first time on our wedding night I haven't been able to get enough of you," Clarisse smiled as she leant forward and folded her arms on the table in front of her as she turned her head to look at her husband. "And can you imagine that happening back then? Keeping an affair secret? It was hard enough keeping our relationship a secret over these last few years. It would have been much more harder had it been a full-blown affair. Especially since I wouldn't have been able to keep my hands off you." She smiled mischievously.
"No, I see your point. It would have proved problematic that's for sure," Joseph nodded and reached his hand out on to her back as Clarisse laughed.