EIGHTEEN

This hasn't been the first time I had dreamt of something weird. Usually, it ends up with me clinging on to the railings of my Salamander for dear life while the nightmarish features of the numerous enemies of man chase after me. One of them also featured Emeli and her deranged followers trying to throw themselves on me. The worst nightmares were when I dreamt of the Necrons. I can never quite live those down….

Nonetheless, when I woke up, I found myself behind my desk and wondering what the frak happened. I must admit–at the time–I couldn't remember much besides the fact I just had a rather odd dream. I mean, mutant freaks and a practically disarmed PDF force with xenos amongst their ranks…how ludicrous! I even entertained the thought that someone might have spiked my amasec with some hallucinogen. I had then swore off drink and content myself to Tanna for all my life…for about the next three seconds before I reached into my cupboard and poured out a glass of my fifty-year old amasec that I had "confiscated" from some unruly nobleman after he made a fuss. Sampling the taste, I then considered someone attempting to assassinate me through my meals. Before realizing that they all came in small ration bars so I had discarded that theory.

With little to no idea what had just happened, I downed my shot and poured myself another glass. I supposed I believed myself to be simply exhausted and let my mind wander off to some fantasy. Frankly, I did not find myself able to care for it, content in the fact that I am in my office, safe, and cozy. Jurgen was right where I left him, dozing off in his chair with a pornoslate in hand. All is as it should be, so I had no reason to suspect anything. Fact of the matter is, it seemed like too good an opportunity to take a small nap for myself. I turned off my cogitator screen, tipped my peaked cap forward, and rested the heels of my feet on my desk. I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for some nosy git rapping his knuckle on my door.

'Commissar.' Clear off! I don't want to work today! 'I'm coming in.' I instantly shot my foot down, turning on my cogitator and looked like I was busy with paperwork. Bloody do-gooder, disturbing my nap to deliver messages. I'll have you scrubbing the latrines when I find an excuse for you, just you wait! The soldier saluted, a boy really, with a gleaming smile on his face. 'Sir, I wish to inform you that due to your efforts, the Valhallan 597th has taken Hill 398 and successfully fought off the foul greenskins!'

'I'm only doing my duty.' I waved off, though I had absolutely no frakking idea what he's saying. What hill? What greenskins? This is all too bizarre for my tastes, but as my reputation demands, I had to make a show of it. 'If there is nothing else, I must finish this paperwork.' I gave him an easy smile. 'The worst enemy in my existence, even now.' The kid laughed. The frakker, let's see how he likes it when he has to sign, stamp, edit, and sign all of these*344!

'I figured sir.' He said, turning to leave. 'Oh, and before I leave.' He reached into his jacket to retrieve…oh frak off. 'Can you please sign my limited-edition, Cain's Heroes Holodrama disc?'

'Of course.' I said, reluctantly getting a pen and quickly scribbling on the cover. 'Here you go, I hope you enjoy.' And leave me the frak alone.

'Thank you so much sir!' He said, quickly stepping out. Good, time to get some sleep. At least, I would have until that same trooper entered again. 'By the way, there is a staff meeting to discuss the new stage in the war.' A new what?!

'Yes, I'll be right there.' I said, collecting my hat and great coat. I lightly kicked Jurgen's boot, making him jolt to attention. 'Sorry to wake you Jurgen, but a staff meeting came up.'

'Of course sir.' He dutifully nodded, then seemed to pause. 'I thought the heretics were on the run?'

'So did I, but they seem to enjoy making our lives difficult.' I joked, opening the door. 'Shall we?'

'Inconsiderate frakkers, aren't they sir?' He noted, and I laughed.

'If they keep this up, they'll even ruin tea time.' I remarked, motioning him through.

'We can't have that, can we sir?' No Jurgen, we cannot.

We had arrived at the Command Headquarters after we had mistakenly taken a communications station for the meeting area…as well as the mess tent, followed by the showers, and then the local café. Admittedly, I didn't imagine why anyone would make a headquarters in a rubble-filled, partially demolished building until I entered the basement. It would remind any Hiver of home, and I let my senses lead the way. I must admit, it is plenty roomy here, enough to even sleep on the floor. Almost stepped on some poor sod, sleeping on the job. I gently prodded his feet, making the man jump in spot.

'Hey! What's the big idea you–' His baggy eyes widened, jaw dropped. 'Commissar.' Yes, I'm a Commissar. 'Oh frag.' He jumped at attention, and saluted. 'S-Sorry sir. I-I-I-' I waved him down.

'It's quite alright.' I said calmly. 'Do try to sleep on your own time, even shutting your eyes would be better than going on 24/7.'

'Y-Yes Commissar.' He's still stuttering. Odd. 'I'll get back to work.'

'See that you do.' I said. 'I'm going to have you on kitchen duty for the week.'

'Yes, Commissar!' He said, cheerfully. 'Thank you Commissar.' I gave him a small smile, patted his shoulder, and walked back towards the meeting.

I did find the room I was looking for–mainly by simply listening to all the arguing–and entered foolishly. I should have known this wouldn't end well. I knew it wouldn't end well! Well, I blamed my time with the Team. They lowered my sense of self-preservation! Nonetheless, I found myself in this unenviable position, so I had to deal with it. At least, sort of. No one paid me any real mind to my presence here, with everyone's attention focused on each other. On one side was the (obvious) PDF and Imperial Guard contingent, who seemed to have elected the PDF General to represent them. On the other side was (what must be) the local young, bright eyed, naïve nobility; who had elected a young woman as their leader. In certain aspects, she reminded me quite a bit of–now, Governess–Mira DuPanya.

Since I found little reason to raise my voice, I decided the best course of action was to hide. I quickly located Regina and Broklaw, and stood behind their shoulders.

'What's going on?' I asked, seeing the young woman pressing the old General. Did she really have to lean against the table like that? Everyone could see her cleavage, and her pink "uniform" did not leave much to the imagination!

'Governor Baris has asked us to let his daughter's contingent to join the fight.' She whispered. 'Something about getting justice for the murders of their family.' Oh, that makes things complicated.

'Well, as long as the General is denying her play soldiers any chance on the frontlines, all the better.' I remarked quietly, seeing the woman's cheeks redden. 'How goes the war?'

'Right now?' Kasteen snorted. 'Stalemate.'

'The General said he had an idea.' Broklaw added. 'But at this rate, he might have an aneurysm before he could tell us.' Judging by his age, it might be sooner than I expected, or wanted. If he dies, then the Governor might try to take control and get us all killed. So, I did the only logical thing. I unholstered by laspistol, and fired a single shot into the roof.

'As much as this conversation is remarkably fascinating, we have a job to do.' I calmly, and loudly, stated as I stepped forward. 'Now then, General, do you have a plan in action?'

'Yes Commissar.' He sighed, relaxing significantly more in my presence. Always a bad sign in my line of work. 'Colonels, may I please have your attention on the table.' The holographic display lit up, showing our position on one side, and the rebel forces on the other side. 'First, I would like to apologize for this argument. It was unprofessional. Now then, allow me to show you something rather peculiar.' And then I felt a headache pounding the side of my head. It took all of my strength to not let my jaw drop as I saw them. It was as if all the memories of my dream came to the forefront.

'What in the ever-living fra–' I began to say, quickly realizing I said it aloud and coughed into my fist to disguise my shock. 'Apologies General, I am just…baffled, really.'

'I can't say I blame you Commissar.' He said, eyes sympathetic which was a good sign. He doesn't suspect me. 'These costumed lunatics, as strangely as it may sound, are the heretic's latest weapons against our forces.' What? 'They had already helped wipe out the Third Regiment-on-foot in a pitch battle that was to end the stalemate.' I turned to Kasteen and Broklaw, both of whom were wide-eyed at this revelation. Then again, so were the others in this room. 'Fortunately, the regiment can be replaced, being only PDF troopers.'

'I protest the disparaging of the Third Regiment-on-foot General!' The pink uniformed woman started, before he shot her a glare that shut her up.

'As I was saying, the enemy section is experienced in melee so we could either drown them in bodies or heavy artillery.' The General gruffly said. 'I intend to use both.' I don't quite like how he said that…. 'We had set up a trap around here, Ruskk. We had retreated to a point where there's a salient in the heretic's lines. From what intelligence we gathered–' Military Intelligence, hah! '-the heretics intend to use this area as a staging ground for future invasion, either by penetrating deep into the Motherland's vital regions–' I'm not quite sure how to react to that statement. Looking over, the women in the room were glaring at the general. '-Or launch a naval invasion and bypass our frontlines.' I mean, it was a rather large bulge down there and…I should probably stop while I'm ahead. Still, we could cut them off if we're fast enough.

'Our objective is threefold.' He began listing with his fingers. I wonder why they do that? 'First, we must launch an attack and secure the docks to make their escape impossible. Second, we must hold the docks from enemy counterattacks once they realize we have them trapped. Third, we must annihilate the enemy within the pocket, especially those costumed maniacs.'

'What support can we expect?' Kasteen shot up, stepping forward to be seen.

'The planet's wet-water navy will provide offshore bombardment with their 100-ton guns.' He smirked a little, satisfied in a way that I had only once seen from an Ork Mekboy after it built a farcical device it called "Da Gorkin-Morkin Dakka Boom Boom Dakka Gun." I think the other Orks believed him to be a loon, which is saying something. 'I have also secured five squadrons of the Aeronautica Imperialis to join us in this endeavour too. Alongside the standard artillery support, of course.' He rested his palms behind his back, trying to look serious. Again, I do wonder why they feel the need to do that. 'I cannot stress enough how important this operation is.' I bloody knew it! 'Failure here, means we lose the war and all we hold precious and dear to our hearts will be ravished–' I think he meant ravaged… 'For all that is good, we must defend our planet from these xenos-loving fifth columnists from destroying all we hold dear.'

The meeting continued on, going over the order of battle, anticipated enemy reinforcements, etc. I didn't care much about those details, rather I was more focused on the image. It was Kaldur, Robin, Wally, the Greenskin, the Orangeskin, Artemis, and Superboy running through a Guard regiment. Kaldur was using his waterbearers to absorb lasbolts; the mutant and Robin were zipping through guardsmen after guardsmen in close-quarters; the greenskin was lifting bodies into the air; the orangeskin was being herself; Artemis was lodging arrows into lasgun barrels; and Superboy was hefting a Leman Russ tank over his head and smashing it into the ground while guardsmen ran in terror. How horrifying…

'And, of course, Commissar Ciaphas Cain will be leading from the front, correct?' Oh no, you frakking bastard–!

'But of course!' I cheered with as much false enthusiasm as I could. 'Especially with these costumed maniacs there, the men are going to need every reassurance they can get.' I'll frakking get you for this General!

'Thank you, Commissar.' The General breathed. 'I appreciate everything you do to ensure our victory.' After I rob you of your amasec, I'm sure that opinion will change soon enough. 'I must make a request.'

'Anything.' Yes, please, say anything so I can make an excuse that your mental state isn't all up there.

'I wish to pair your 597th with the Governor's Elite Guards, "The Rose Legion".' I looked over to see their hopeful faces. 'I assure you, they are well trained and will get along well with your Regiment.' Well, I suppose the 597th deserves to have human shields too, after all they've been through. I turned to Kasteen, who gave me a simple shrug.

'Very well, I'm sure we'll need all the help we can get.' I said, trying my best not to snort.

'Thank you, Commissar. I am in your debt.' You better frakking be.

As you are very well aware, my career has been a flip-of-a-coin in regards to my luck. Today had been consistently unlucky. The supposed attack had been called off and delayed on numerous occasions due to inclement weather. Normally, that may sound good. I won't be needlessly put in danger and I should celebrate the opportunity that has presented itself. The enemy seemed to think so too, and began shelling our positions. Of course, our own batteries returned fire, but it had the unintended side effect of ruining my dreamless nights. While I am thankful that my nightmares have ended, it still left me in the uncomfortable feeling that this was all wrong.

'Commissar.' Oh, Kasteen. What does she want?

'I only closed my eyes off for a second.' I said, in a rather pathetic attempt to maintain my reputation as the "ever alert Commissar". As it turned out, she seemed amused.

'Oh, I'm sure.' She said, rolling her eyes, before turning serious. Oh dear. 'We just got word from the climatologist. It'll be clear weather all day tomorrow.' Oh frak. 'Colonel Norton–the governor's daughter–had insisted they charge in first.' Better them than us. 'After the preliminary bombardment, they're going to go over.'

'Of course.' I unconsciously groaned, which met Regina's own wince. 'Not even they are that mad enough to shell their own men. It's far more sporting to let the enemy do it for them.'

'The General is hoping that the aerial bombardment would quickly identify and destroy the guns before they have a chance to destroy the first wave.' She said, and my opinion of that old coot dropped significantly lower. 'I, and the others, had tried to convince him that air support would not be enough and advised sending raiding parties prior to the attack to destroy those guns.'

'Let me guess.' I huffed. 'He said no?'

'He said no.' She grumbled. 'Something about the strategy being honourless or some such nonsense.'

'What else happened?' I asked, having a feeling it'll get worse.

'The Governor had pressed for this, but this time he wanted the bombardment to continue for 24 hours…when we're in it.' She spat. 'And the General went along with it!'

'I heard of incompetence.' I snarled, which surprised me as much as it did Kasteen. 'But then there is this. This is something of such stupidity that beggar's belief. I daresay they are colluding with the xenos themselves in an effort to get us, and his own daughter, killed!' Myself included! Frakker thinks he can off me like that, oh we'll see. 'I am issuing Munitorum Regulation 3123, I am divesting the General from command until a time can be set to assess his mentality.'

'What about the previous orders?' Kasteen smirked, I wonder why? 'The bombardment and the suicidal charge.'

'Frak that, we are sending raiding parties to take out those guns, and we'll continue with the rest of the plan as we…well…planned.' I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. As much as it pained me to do this, my chances of survival are nil if those guns are still active when we charge.

'Would that be the opinion of the Commissariat sir?' She smirked, gesturing for Broklaw who seemed to have come out of nowhere and began issuing orders.

'On pain of death.' I joked, getting a titre of a laugh from her.

'I'll organize one. I'm sure the other regiments would be glad to hear it.' She declared, revealing the vox caster she hid nearby. 'Did you get all that Colonel Mira?' My eyes widened. Oh dear.

'Acknowledged.' The voice said from the other side. 'The Cadian 203rd will follow the Commissar's orders.'

'Never thought I say it, but I'll be following the Commissar.' Another, gruffer, voice added. 'The Catachan 27th will follow your lead.' Why?

'577th Mordian Iron Guard at the ready.' Another one shot up. 'Tell us where you need us.' Please, stop this.

'507th Tallarn will gladly follow Ciaphas the Holy's orders.' Where the frak are they coming up with these titles?!

'The sons and daughters of the Valhallan 597th are yours to command.' Kasteen…why?! 'Tell us where you need us.' Why does this keep happening to me?!

I had, inadvertently, become the overall commander of this operation. The General had been imprisoned by the Catachan Jungle Fighters, who just happened to be running for heretic/Tau lines; the Governor is under house arrest by the arbites and his own guard after it was revealed he was on the vox with the local heretic commander; and my face is now posted all over the world. One blasted old bat sewed my face onto a banner and the local PDF are waving it around everywhere. To make matters worse, some frakker decided to show them Cain's Heroes and the populace were singing that frakking theme song all day! This was a nightmare.

'Some tea, Commissar?' I sighed, taking it. There were some upsides though. I now had a large desk to sit behind, far from the frontlines. It was my dream come true.

'Thank you Jurgen.' I said, enjoying its bitter taste. 'Make sure to pour one for yourself.' Yes, this was the life. Then came a knock on the door. I had foolishly mistaken it for the servant, and I got up to open it. It was Kasteen and the other Colonels.

'Good to see the power not go to your head.' The Catachan Colonel smirked, pushing past me. I'm still unsure whether the push was intended to tip my hat over my eyes, or it was purely accidental. Either way, it got a soft laughter from the gathered group of Colonels.

'Well, I didn't think there was more paperwork to do when I took control, I'm already swamped with it from the Commissariat!' I joked easily, getting a hardy guffaw from the Colonel. 'Please, do try to not add onto it?' I had to try.

'No promises.' He snorted, slapping my back. 'Anyways, we came here to alert ya to the latest updates from the front.'

'Our nightly raids did the trick.' Colonel Mira said, tucking her cap under her arm. 'Task Force Titus and Creed had discovered several hidden rocket artillery batteries and destroyed them.'

'My Desert Raiders have launched several hit-and-run assaults upon the enemy's trenches.' The Tallarn man declared. 'We had discovered hidden railgun emplacements, and destroyed them.'

'My Mordians had exploited the chaos and exploited breakthroughs throughout the line.' She grinned. 'It's a matter of cleaning up now.'

'Good, good.' I said, pleasing the Colonels. 'As for the PDF?'

'We've filled them in on what happened, and are gladly following our orders.' Kasteen said. 'We're re-training them to proper Guard standards.' And save me the paperwork. Good Kasteen. Good.

'What about the costumed loonies?' I asked, praying it was just some amasec-filled delusion.

'Still at large.' The Mordian spat. 'They took out my Chimeras.'

'And my Sentinels.' Mira added.

'And our beloved bandanas.' We all stared at the Catachan. 'It's a part of our uniform.' Whatever. Still, this was a problem.

'So we have no idea where they are now?' I sighed, rubbing my temple. 'Alright, for now we continue on with the plan, but with increased aerial reconnaissance. If they find them, or if you find them, mark their location and then we track them until a point where we can launch an all-out assault? How does that sound?'

'Sounds good to me.' The Catachan Colonel said, already on his way out. Colonel Mira and her Mordian Counterpart shrugged, saluted me, and walked off. Thus, leaving me and Kasteen.

'How are you holding up Ciaphas?' She asked, which I shrugged.

'It's a lot of paperwork Regina.' I repeated. 'God-Emperor, when this is all over, I would be glad to be just a regular Commissar.' She smirked, as if she caught me saying groxshit. Honestly, why does no one believe me?!

'Whatever you say, Ciaphas.' She chuckled. 'Still, the boys and girls at the front have been missing you. Think you can pop over to say hello?' Was this an excuse to not do paperwork? I accept.

'You know Regina, that sounds like a wonderful idea.' Oh, my poor old self.

I regret this decision. I regret every single part of this decision. They were here! They were waiting for me to show myself on the line, and they were attacking my human shields! The only one that seemed to be giving them trouble was Sulla's platoon, who seemed to match the orangeskin blow-for-blow. I always knew they were of like minds! Either way, I was calling in everyone to save my worthless self! Artillery, naval bombardment, strafing runs, "drop bears" (which happens to be Catachans jumping out of Valkyries on top of an unwitting foe), tanks, everything! But my vox was getting jammed!

'Run Ciaphas!' Kasteen roared, firing several shots from her bolt pistol. 'We'll hold them off.'

'But–' I tried to protest, though I'm not really sure why. I suppose I would miss her, and Broklaw's company.

'Go!' Broklaw shouted. 'It's been an honour serving you!'

'I…' It was then I realized there was no convincing them. They were set in their minds to protect me. So, I did what was the most respectful thing in my mind. I gave them a crisp salute, and I won't lie when I say that I was genuinely remorseful when I looked at them. Another group of people were going to die on my behalf to save my hide. The least I can do is to make their deaths worth it. 'Die well.'

'Yes, Commissar!' Kasteen shouted, before barking orders to her command staff. Broklaw gave me a crisp handshake before running off to join her. I tipped the brim of my hand forward, before addressing Jurgen.

'Get us out of here Jurgen.' I snapped. Thankfully, he understood my emotions and got right to it. I entered the Salamander, and Jurgen drove away, and all I saw was the battle fading in the distance. I couldn't, wouldn't, dare look away. I've been with the 597th for most of my career, and now they were gone in an afternoon. I felt my augmentic fingers bend the thin metal. I wasn't sure what I was thinking then, let alone if I was thinking at all but rage…especially when the sounds of battle turned into silence.

'What do we do now sir?' I'll admit, I don't rightfully know. This won't end, I know that. I could send more troops at them, I should do it to save my cowardly hide but…I couldn't. I must be getting old, my heart was beating so fast. I felt lightheaded. 'Commissar?'

'Jurgen, I-' I tried to speak, but felt myself collapse against the walls of the Salamander.

'Commissar!' He caught me. My faithful friend. 'Commissar, it'll be alright. I'll get you to the medicae.'

'Jurgen.'

'It'll be okay.' He insisted. 'Just stay with me!'

I finally managed to regain consciousness, finding myself in a darkened room with only the sunlight peeking through the blinds. What happened? I stood up, feeling an aching pain in my lower back. I ignored it, and took a peek through the blinds. My heart dropped when I saw it. Tau Hammerhead tanks. Did we lose? Am I the only Imperial left?!

'Commissar?' Oh thank the Emperor, it's Jurgen! 'Captain Wesmoarlan and Colonel Mira are here to see you.' A diminutive Catachan woman and a heavily wounded Colonel Mira entered. They saluted me.

'Commissar. Sir.' The Cadian said. 'Glad to see you up again.'

'How long was I out?' I tried, fearing the worst.

'Seven hours.' I beg your pardon?! 'A Tau war fleet entered the subsector. They dropped in heavy equipment and battle suits. We were outmatched.'

'But seven hours?' I said, getting a sneer from Captain Wesmoarlan.

'Got something to say, then say it you arrogant sumbitch!' She grabbed me by the collar. I waved Jurgen off, letting her vent. 'You weren't there! You don't know! You don't get to judge us when you hid in your bed!'

'How many?' I tried, looking at her. 'How many did we lose?'

She finally released me, eyes tight. She must have lost a loved one. 'The Mordians and Valhallans are all wiped out. My Colonel is dead and what remains of my regiment took to the jungles and forest. The Cadians have joined us too.' I sat back down.

'And of the enemy?' I asked. 'The costumed ones?'

'They are here.' Mira said, hands behind her back. 'They are being paraded around as heroes.' And under heavy guard. 'We intend to launch an assault.' What?!

'At the very least, we can take off the heads of their high command.' The Catachan said, grinning. 'Even heard they got an Ethereal coming too.' A desperate attack.

'What day is it today?' I sighed, rubbing my eyes. Please don't tell me…

'It's Great Crusade day.' Mira said. Oh Emperor, the Bluies didn't. 'We couldn't let this insult stand.' No, of course not…and they'll all die. We all would, either way. I suppose that if we were all going to snuff it, I would do it in my own way!

'Well then, shall we?'

This is it. Everyone is in place, and we could see those frakkers on the stage of the town square. Whatever feelings I thought, any hesitations…well, I didn't feel anything but rage. I don't have much in my life; a home, a plethora of people I could daresay call friends, Amberley…If I can't see home again, well, I'm going to damn well make sure you don't either.

'We're ready, Commissar.' Mira said, power sword on hand. I nodded and took out my whistle. I licked my lips, breathed in, and blasted my whistle. Immediately, war cries echoed throughout the square and were followed up by Cadians and Catachans rushing out to bayonet, shoot, or just maul any Tau and their deluded sympathizers they could find. I even found one Catachan heft a heavy bolter in one hand, the other holding the belt, and began firing from the hip.

As for myself, I simply charged at the Ethereal. If I were to supposedly live through this, taking out an Ethereal would surely throw them in through a loop! Sure, it would mean charging right towards the costumed menaces, but I was confident in my skills to cast them aside.

'Ciaphas!' The Kaldur lookalike exclaimed. 'Stop! You must wake up!' What an idiot, I am awake! 'Wake up!'

'Frak off!' I shouted back, taking a swipe with my chainsword. It jumped back, giving me room to rush the Ethereal, which seemed to be shrieking. Given its position, I suppose I would too. Since I am not in its position, I better take the chance to–and then I was tackled by Wally.

'Gotcha!' The mutant said, which could have been correct if only he had a hold of my arms. He didn't, and I shot the frakker with my laspistol.

'Wally!" Robin shouted, throwing two birdarangs at me. I was about to swipe them away, until Jurgen jumped in its way, holding a piece of metal. The birdarangs ineffectually detonated on the sheet metal.

'Great job Jurgen!' I cheered, slapping his back. 'Hold them off!' And I ran after the fleeing ethereal. Ah frak, he was near the transport! I stopped and levelled my lsapistol barrel at his back, and compressed the trigger. Just as I pressed the trigger, an arrow knocked my laspistol out of my hand; and the lasbolt struck the Ethereal's head. I really didn't care much more than that, as I felt the need to jump into a window just as an arrow narrowly missed my nose.

'Stand still!' Artemis called out. As if I would! I'm not suicidal! Frak, she had me pinned. I went deeper into the building I found myself in, looking for the exit. This included me breaking down doors to living rooms, bedrooms, the bathing room (which was in use by one such resident who screamed bloody murder), and the basement. By the Throne, where the frak is the exit?! It felt like the twelfth door, but I broke it down and found myself back in the town square. Already, bodies were piling up, and the guardsmen were doing everything they could to try to drown the Team in bodies. Unfortunately, Superboy was being its invulnerable self and taking down Catachans…By the Throne, is he–?! He bloody piledrived a Catachan into the ground! As for the Orangeskin, well…her havoc consists of piling bodies on top of one another, then standing on said pile and daring any guardsmen to charge her. Suffice to say, she has a significant pile already. This was nuts!

To make matters worse, they were still conscious! If I called a retreat, and we left still fighting-capable soldiers for dead, my reputation would be in tatters! That means I'll have to secure our exit and eliminate them! I better take down the orangeskin first, so medics could start dragging piles away. Right now, she was fighting off Captain Wesmoarlan. Seeing as I no longer had my lasgun, I picked up a rock and threw it…which landed short. Way too short. It was M'gann, and she collapsed like a doll cut from its strings. A Cadian stared at me, shocked. 'You saved me sir!' He said. 'Thank you!'

'Get your comrades out of here.' I ordered. 'Get them up, drag them out, I don't care! We are leaving no one behind!'

'Yes Commissar!' Just like that, he was rousing the others, and I continued my way towards this "Starfire".

'Hey!' I shouted, making the orangeskin look at me. 'Pick on someone your own size!' Looking closely, I somehow managed to guess that assessment correctly. Captain Wesmoarlan was shorter than the xenos.

'Ciaphas Cain! Yes! This is a dream! It must be your dream too as to see I am here and you are proudly doing the coming to face me!' She declared in its terrible grammar. 'Fight me! Hold me! Marry me!' Oh bollocks, I made a mistake! Just as she about to run through me, a lasbolt caught her on the side of her head. It belonged to Colonel Mira.

'Are you okay Commissar?' She asked, blasting away at Superboy.

'The Ethereal's dead. I'm calling a retreat.' I replied, grabbing a rock and throwing it at his head.

'Good plan.' She said, hovering over a Catachan. 'I'll get the others to follow.' Right now, Superboy was coming right for me. Fortunately for me, I could smell Jurgen right behind me.

'Shoot him Jurgen!' I barked, and stood to the left, giving my faithful aide an opening to fire his melta gun. My eyes widened in shock. He was still alive! Staggered, but alive! 'Keep shooting!' I cupped my hands. 'Anyone with a melta, get over here! Shoot this frakker! Within moments, Kasrkin rushed over and began blasting. Everything was going well!

'Sir?' Jurgen said, before coughing. I turned to face him, and I felt my mouth dry.

'Jurgen!' I said, unable to get it any louder than a gasp, and I grabbed hold of his hand and lowered his body to the ground. A green arrow was sticking out from his gut. 'Medic.'

'Sir?' A Kasrkin managed to hear me.

'Get me a bloody medic!' I barked, holding him tightly. Arrows were landing around me, but either missed entirely or bounced off carapace armour of Kasrkins who were using their bodies as shields. 'It'll be okay, Jurgen. Medics are coming. Just hold on.' More coughing. No, no, no, no! 'Jurgen!'

'S-Sorry sir.' He coughed. 'I don't think I'll be able to hold on.'

'Sniper down.'

'Don't be so pessimistic.' I said, making space for the medic to come through. 'Medic's here. You'll pull through. You are the strongest, wondrous, most trusted friend I ever had. You have stuck by me through thick-and-thin, and that won't change. I promise you that. So come now, you can…' My voice trailed off. I looked at the medic, and she shook her head.

'I'm sorry Commissar.' She said, meekly. 'He's gone.' Gone. Jurgen? No, it can't be…

'Check again.' I spat out.

'I'm sorry–'

'Blasted, check again.' I shouted.

'It's the truth!' She shouted back, surprising me. 'I'm sorry about your friend Commissar, but he's gone!'

'I can't–' Words left me, as I turned my attention back to Jurgen. He's gone. He's gone, and he won't be able to get to the Golden Throne. I cannot accept this. 'Pull out.'

'Sir?' She asked, voice soft.

'You heard me.' I said, tipping my hat to cover my eyes. 'The Imperial Guard can always get a new Commissar…it can't get back good soldiers. All troops are to pull out. I'll cover your retreat.'

'But sir–!' She tried, but I silenced her with but a wave of my hand. 'Sir…I…"

'Go.' I barked. 'All of you! Go! I may die, but the Guard still lives!'

'Then you better take this.' The medic handed me her laspistol.

'Thank you.' I whispered, patting her shoulder. 'Now go.' With that, they ran for it, leaving me alone with Kaldur.

'Commissar–' I didn't really care for what he was saying. I just shot his shoulder. He staggered back.

'This is for the 597th!' I snarled, compressing the trigger and a lasbolt smashed into his opposite shoulder. 'This is for Colonel Kasteen and Major Broklaw!' A bolt hit his knee, forcing him to kneel. 'This is for ruining my day!' I now hovered before him, pressing the hot barrel on his forehead. 'This one…this one is for Jurgen.'

'I couldn't agree more.' He coughed, jamming his waterbearers into my gut. It felt like a jab into my skin at first, then it expanded and a sharp pain followed suit. Instinctively, my finger compressed the trigger and the laser blasted his head off…leaving me to collapse onto my back, the waterbearers deactivating. This was it. This Cain's end, his long con. I still had some adrenaline left, at least. I tried to crawl towards Jurgen. It wouldn't do if we died apart, no one would ever know him, let alone care for the greatest soldier in the Imperial Guard. Then my vision went dark, followed by the sound of a heartbeat monitor. I never would have guessed that the Golden Throne would look so dark…or sound like an apothecary.

'Hello, Mister Cain.' Oh frak, not this xenos. 'As much as you deserve your nice dreams, there is still much to do.'

'Frak off.'

'I don't believe so. After all, you must wake up.' It smirked, and I felt a rage overcome me. 'So wake up, Mister Cain…Wake up and get back to work.'

'CIAPHAS!' What the frak?! 'You're awake! Thank God!'

—FOOTNOTES—

344. While I am in agreement, Jurgen does most of them. Though, the fact that you were doing at least some of them shows just how highly he regards Jurgen's assistance on the matter. Also, I'm going on vacation. My hand is cramping and I need a bloody massage!

AN: I want to thank you all for your patience with me and hope this was worth the wait. This is part 1 of a two-parter so stay tuned for Chapter 19.