Wow, what lovely reviews from so many of you, thank you so very much, everyone. Honestly I really appreciate it and can't thank you enough, but at the same time it kinda makes me feel a little sad that I had to say I was taking a break for so many of you to leave that review. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your time in reading and leaving reviews, always have, and I always will, but I just wish you would do it more often. I'm not the most confident person, and when people don't review, I start thinking that my writing is rubbish and it puts me off from writing. I am trying to do better, though.
Now I know what you must be thinking. That wasn't much of a break? Right? Well, I haven't been well again this last few days, so I managed to write up this chapter (and half of the next one) and wanted to share it with you all now instead of waiting. Please do let me know your thoughts on it, and I will post again soon. But for now, I hope you continue to enjoy your summer or for some (as I discovered in one of the lovely reviews) winter.
Now, before we get into the chapter I would just like to say that there is a small M rated scene in this chapter. It's a flashback scene, so it will be in italics.
Thank you, and enjoy…
"Oh good, Charlotte said that I'd find you both in here," Joseph said, entering the library with a mug of coffee in one hand and shutting the double doors up behind him with his other hand as Mia and Pierre both turned their heads to look over at him.
"Hey grandpa, is everything okay?" Mia asked as he turned and began making his way over to the table where they were sitting. "I thought you were having a rest with grandma?"
"I was planning to, but I couldn't settle. I have too much on my mind, so I got up and left your grandmother to sleep," he said, standing beside Mia's chair at the head of the table and placed his free hand down on the back of it while taking a sip of his coffee. "Good job I did too, because not long after I left her in the bedroom, I got a call. Which is why I'm glad you are both here now, as I need to talk to you about something."
"Okay," Mia said apprehensively while glancing at her uncle, then looked back up at Joseph as he moved to sit at the table opposite her uncle and set his cup down in front of him.
"I hope that I wasn't interrupting anything?" Joseph asked curiously when he noticed the photo album on the table and looked from Mia to Pierre.
"Oh no, it's okay. I was just telling Mia about mother and fathers last anniversary together, and the events of the following day when we lost father," Pierre said and looked down at the photo album still sitting open on the table in front of Mia before reaching his hands out for it, to close it up as Joseph nodded ever so slightly. "Anyway, what's going on, padre?"
"Well when I become part of this family, I made a vow that there would be no more secrets. That I would be honest with you both," Joseph said, looking from Pierre to Mia. "Especially after Clarisse and I had kept us being together a secret from you for four years."
"Oh grandpa," Mia smiled and shook her head a little, "you gotta have some secrets. Especially those you share with grandma."
"Oh yes, of course we have some secrets that I can't share, and never will, but this isn't that kind of secret," Joseph said, remembering the much more private, intimate secrets that he and Clarisse share, secrets that he would never share with anyone, even if his life depended on it, and looked from Mia to Pierre before looking down at his mug of coffee a long moment.
"Grandpa?" Mia said softly and watched as he slowly lifted his head to look back up at her. "What is it? You know you can tell us anything."
"I do, of course. But well, I'm not sure how to tell you any of this, so... I'm just going to come right out with it," Joseph said and took a deep breath before continuing. "Ten years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life with your grandmother's," he said, looking at Mia, then at Pierre, "your mother's sister, Esmée. We'd both had a few drinks, one thing led to another, and now she's claiming that I'm her daughter's father."
"What?" Both Mia and Pierre exclaimed together in unison.
"You mean to tell us that you might have a daughter? With grandma's sister?" Mia said quietly and slumped back in her seat in complete and utter shock. "Does grandma know?"
"Yes, she knows." Joseph nodded, not wanting to give too much detail of that awful morning when Clarisse found him in her sister's bed away. The pain on her face upon discovering that they had spent the night together forever edged in his mind. "She's known from the start, except for the child, of course. None of us knew about her until just recently, we both found out that she existed the day we were due to fly home. Charlotte had messaged to tell us that Alizée, your grandmother's other sister, had been in touch asking to contact her. And then, when your grandmother called her, she dropped the bombshell about the child."
"Did Alizée know about the child before that?" Mia asked, and Joseph shook his head.
"No, she didn't know either. She found out the same day that we did," Joseph said.
"Well that explains why she just disappeared from our lives then," Pierre said somewhat angrily, and Mia looked at him.
"Wait," Mia said and looked back at Joseph. "Does this have anything to do with the court order that grandma asked me to have Lawrence put in place?"
"Yes it does," Joseph nodded. "Alizée told us that Esmée was threatening to go to the papers, saying that they would love hearing all about how the former Queen of Genovia's new husband has a nine year old daughter that he has never bothered with. Had I known, I swear, I would have been there for her right from the start."
"Oh grandpa, we know," Mia said softly and nodded.
"We are sorry that we didn't tell you the reason why back then, but we had just found out. We were in shock and had every intention of telling you once we returned home," Joseph said and watched as Mia nodded.
"But then grandma fell ill," she said and shook her head, "you don't need to apologise, grandpa. I understand. It must have been a huge shock finding something like that out for grandma, then to fall ill."
"You can say that again," Joseph nodded and looked to Pierre as he sat with his arms folded on the table in front of him.
"But what was the call about earlier?" Mia asked as Joseph looked back at her. "You said you had a call that you needed to speak to us about."
"Oh yes, the call. It was from Lawrence, informing me that I need to attend court in London on Monday morning to stand before a judge to make a request for a paternity test order because Esmée is refusing one," Joseph said somewhat sadly. "So I'll be gone, hopefully for just a couple of days, but obviously your grandmother won't be able to come with me as she's still recovering. And I fear with everything that's happened with her health lately and with us travelling home just last night, it would be too much for her if she did come. So, I wanted to ask if you could keep an eye on her and keep her company while I'm away."
"Of course we will. You gotta get this sorted and find out for sure if she's yours or not," Mia nodded.
"Exactly, that's why I told Lawrence that I will be there," Joseph nodded. "Your grandmother doesn't know yet, though. I will tell her when she wakes up. And as much as I hate the idea of having to leave her, especially when she's still unwell and needs me, I know she won't mind as she wants it sorted just as much as I do. We both want to find out for sure if the child is, in fact, mine or not."
"What if the child is yours? What's gonna happen then?" Pierre asked as both Mia and Joseph looked at him. "It's going to be a bit awkward, isn't it? Having a child with your wife's sister? It'll be the hottest topic of Genovia. Everyone will be talking about it."
"Yes they will be, but we will face it together," Clarisse said from where she was standing in the doorway with her hands in her robe pockets and watched as everyone turned to look over at her in surprise.
"Oh grandma, you scared us," Mia said, putting her hands together up on her chest as Clarisse closed the door behind her and began walking slowly over to the table. "We didn't even hear you opening the door."
"Sorry, sweetheart," Clarisse said as she stood beside her husband's chair and slipped her arm around his shoulders before looking down at him, as he looked up at her and slipped his arm around her waist. "Hello you," she said quietly while putting her free hand up to gently grasp hold of his jaw as Mia and Pierre glanced at one another.
"Hello," he said, and she leant down to give him a quick kiss on his lips before standing back up straight and lowering her hand from his jaw. "I thought you were asleep?"
"No, I tried to get back to sleep after you left, but I couldn't," Clarisse said and shook her head.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up when I was leaving," Joseph said and turned his head the other way as she moved around behind him and moved the chair next to him closer to his chair.
"Don't be, it's fine," Clarisse said, sitting down in the chair and looking up at him before looking across at her son and granddaughter. "I know this is a lot for you both to take in. It was, and still is, for us. But we would really appreciate your support right now," she said and looked to her son, "not your anger over something that can't be changed and happened long before we even got together."
"But he slept with your sister, mother? And potentially has a child with her," Pierre exclaimed and watched as she looked to her husband before looking back across the table at him. "Aunt Esmée!"
"Yes, I wish it hadn't been with her, but it was, and there's nothing we can do about it. What's done is done," Clarisse said and shook her head, "it's not like he cheated on me, is it? Yes, we both loved one another back then, but we weren't together when this happened. I was married to your father, Pierre, and Joseph was single and free to see and sleep with, whoever he wanted."
"Grandma's right uncle Pierre," Mia said as both Joseph and Clarisse looked at her. "You have my support, grandma, grandpa."
"Thank you, darling," Clarisse said, giving her a small smile.
"Thank you, Princess," Joseph said, and Mia bowed her head in acknowledgement before everyone looked at Pierre as he shook his head.
"I'm not going to lie. This is a shock. You were so close with aunt Esmée, we all were, but him sleeping with her obviously ruined your relationship because we haven't seen or heard from her since this happened. And yet you forgave him but not your own sister," Pierre said, and Clarisse shook her head, but before she had a chance to answer him, Joseph spoke next.
"If I could turn back the clocks, Pierre, I would, and I'll never make the same mistake again," Joseph said as everyone looked at him. "But I can't, unfortunately. So now, because of the mistake that I made back then, I now have to live with the regret, with the hurt and pain that I caused your mother that day for the rest of my life. Forever there, edged in my mind. More so now if the child does turn out to be mine."
"Pierre, I understand that you're upset because I forgave Joseph and not your aunt, and had it just been down to them sleeping together then I would have forgiven her too, but it wasn't. It wasn't down to Joseph that ruined our relationship. She did that all by herself. Yes, it hurt, them being together, but there was more to it than just that," Clarisse said as everyone looked at her. "I'm not going to go into any details because you don't need to know what happened between us - you just need to take my word for it."
Staring down at the photo album still sitting on the table in front of him a long moment, Pierre contemplated everything that his mother and Joseph had said. He had absolutely no right to be angry over what happened between his aunt and Joseph back then because his mother was right. It happened long before they had gotten together. She was married to his father at the time, and Joseph was, of course, free to see who he wanted. So why did it hurt him so much, finding all this out now.
"I think I'm going to go for a walk," Pierre said as he got to to his feet and began walking towards the door.
"Pierre?" Clarisse said softly, watching him stop and turn back to them with a shake of his head.
"I just need to clear my head, mother," Pierre said and Clarisse nodded ever so slightly as he averted his gaze to Joseph for the briefest of moments before turning and walking out of the library.
"Should I go after him? Talk to him?" Mia offered, looking back at her grandmother.
"I wouldn't Mia, I would just give him some space," Clarisse said with a shake of her head and rested her elbows down on the table in front of her, her hands up near her face.
"Okay," Mia said and watched her grandmother turn her head to look at her husband with sadness in her eyes. "I think I will leave you two alone to talk."
"Oh, you don't have to, sweetheart," Clarisse said, looking back across the table at her granddaughter. "You can stay. We can talk later."
"It's okay, I should really get back to work anyway," Mia said as she got to her feet and moved around behind her chair, to push it under the table before looking back at her grandparents. "I'll see you both later."
"You will, of course," Clarisse nodded, watching her leave before looking back at her husband and slumping back in her chair. "Well that could've gone better."
"I agree, but at least they both know now," Joseph nodded and turned his head to look at her sitting beside him. "Even if Pierre is mad at us."
"He's not mad. He's just trying to process everything. That's all," Clarisse nodded. "He'll come around soon."
"I hope so," Joseph said, picking up his mug of coffee from the table in front of him and taking a couple of sips.
"Oh he will. He just needs a little time," Clarisse said as he set his mug back down on the table and looked at her. "He was close to Esmée too. He looked up to her. Remember she's only four years older than he is so they practically grew up together, and were best friends just as much as she and I were, so finding all this out now after she just disappeared without any warning would have been a massive shock to him too."
"Maybe you should sit him down and tell him the full story of how she betrayed your trust," Joseph said softly, resting his arm along the back of her chair behind her.
"I will, as a last resort. But I'm hoping that he'll come around by then, because I really don't want him knowing everything about how I felt about you and what I told her back then for her to betray me the way she did," Clarisse said and turned her head to look at him.
"No, I'd rather he didn't know either, but if it helps him understand," Joseph said gently.
"We'll see what happens," Clarisse said as she studied his face. "I don't think what day it is today, or tomorrow for that matter, helps. His emotions are all over the place already, without finding all this out on top."
"You're right," Joseph said and nodded slightly. "Maybe I should have waited to tell them, but I panicked what with it being Thursday today, and I'm leaving on Sunday. I wanted them to find out from me, not printed in some paper that I attended court in London."
"I know, but you done the right thing by telling them," Clarisse said and nodded as she turned her head to look at the table. "We just need to give him time, and he'll come around. You'll see."
"I hope you're right," Joseph said, studying her face as she looked back at him. "Because I hate seeing him like this."
"I do too," she nodded and let out a sigh. "So, you're going to London on Sunday?"
"I am, yes. Lawrence set up the court date to stand before the judge because Esmée is still refusing the test," Joseph said as he turned his head to look across the library. "I feel it's the only way we're going to get it. Going before the judge."
"I know, I do too," she said, and he looked back at her.
"At least you don't need to meet with her now," he said, lifting his hand that was resting in his lap and reaching across to brush her hair back behind her ear before briefly cupping her face and lowering his hand down to rest on the top of his thigh.
"I know, but I wanted to. I was ready to face her and ask her what she thought she was playing at. Not only for keeping this from you all these years, denying you the chance to potentially be a father, but for also lying to you too. Telling you that she couldn't have children." Clarisse said as she turned in her seat to face him and tucked her foot behind her ankle.
"Oh don't you worry, I'll be asking those questions myself," Joseph said and watched as Clarisse reached across the table for the photo album and pulled it closer to her before opening it to the last page. The page she knew that held the pictures from her and Rupert's last anniversary together and studied one of the pictures of them together while folding her hands together on the table in front of her.
Resting her arms on the pillow above her head, Clarisse pushed her hands against the creaking headboard, in an attempt to stop her head from hitting against it as her husband made love to her, and turned her head to the side while closing her eyes. Sex had never been enjoyable with him. It always felt like a chore, a duty, and she couldn't understand why she had agreed to spend the night with him now. It had to be the scotch she'd consumed before coming up to bed, she thought as she lay beneath him, allowing her mind to wonder now. But with being so lost in thought, planning what she had to do tomorrow, she nearly missed what he said between grunts.
Her eyes flung open at his words, and she turned her head to look back up at him, still hovering above her. Had she heard him correctly, or was it her imagination? "Wh..what Di.. did you just say?" She stuttered, her eyes fixated on him as he looked down at her.
"I said," he chuckled as he stilled his movements and gazed down into her eyes, "I love you."
"What?" She exclaimed in surprise, putting one hand now on top of her head. Contemplating those three little words that had just come from her husbands mouth. Those three little words that meant so much but had never heard from him before. Not once during the course of their marriage.
But did he really mean them? Or did he simply say them because they were being intimate and he was getting carried away. Or, was it because he had seen her out by the dock with Joseph earlier that night. Was he only telling her that he loved her now because he was jealous. Or, was it being he was dying.
"I know, I know, I should have told you years ago, but well with all you've done for me, putting up with me all these years I wanted you to know that I do love you," he said and half smiled as she lifted her hand from the top of her head to cup his cheek. "Shall we continue, and then we can talk afterwards?"
"Yes," she nodded and watched as he lowered his head to give her a quick kiss before pushing himself back up to continue making love.
"Are you okay?" Joseph asked, pulling her from her thoughts, and reached out for one of her hands resting on the table as she turned her head to look at him. "You were a million miles away," he said, raising their hands up to his mouth, to kiss the back of her hand before holding it in both of his hands in his lap.
"Yes, I'm okay. I was just thinking back to this day and how much all our lives changed in such a short amount of time," she said, giving him a small smile before looking back down at the photo album in front of her. "I don't know why I'm thinking so much about it this year, though, when I haven't previous years," Clarisse said, studying the photo of her and Rupert another moment.
"It's because things are different this year compared to the last five years," Joseph said and she looked back up at him, studied his face curiously, "you're married this year to someone who actually loves you, has done from the moment he saw you, and treats you the way you so deserve."
Walking over to the car on the drive, Pierre put his bag in the trunk and turned to his mother. She stood a few feet away from him, simply staring up at the Royal lodge with her hands clasped together in front of her. She was dressed all in black now, they all were. They were in mourning. "Mother?" He said softly, pulling her from her thoughts, and walked over to her as she turned her head to look at him.
"Hello darling," she said, giving him a small smile before looking back up at the lodge. "Are you ready to go?"
"Nearly, we are just waiting for Philippe," he said, standing beside her.
"Where is he?" She asked, turning her head to him.
"Oh, he and Joseph are having a chat," Pierre said and watched as she looked back up at the lodge with a small nod. "Are you sure that you don't want me to travel back with you?"
"Oh I'm sure you travel home with your brother," Clarisse said as she slowly turned her head to look back at him. "He needs you more."
"But who will you have?" Pierre asked as he slowly turned to face her.
"Joseph. I will have Joseph," she said and turned her head to look back at the lodge. "He's going to sit in the back with me while Lars and Stephen sit up front."
"Ahh okay, that's good. At least you have someone too, and I should of guessed that it'll be Joseph," Pierre nodded and slipped his hands in his pants pockets while looking over at the cars waiting to transport them back to the palace. "These aren't our usual cars, are they? I mean, where are the limousines?"
"No they aren't, we are travelling back in these cars so that people don't recognise us. With the death of your father, everyone's on high alert and will know where abouts we are if we used the limousines," Clarisse said as Pierre looked back at her.
"I remember father telling me that once when I was younger," Pierre said, and Clarisse nodded. "And that heirs to the throne can never travel with reigning monarchs in case of an accident."
"Yes, it's Royal protocol," Clarisse said and looked back at her son. Studied him a long moment before finally speaking. "Your father told me he loved me last night."
"He did? That's a first," Pierre said in shock and watched as she nodded. "How do you feel about that? Him telling you that he loves you after all these years."
Sighing sadly, Clarisse looked down at the ground a moment before looking back up at the lodge. "Angry. I feel very angry."
"Why angry?" Pierre asked in surprise and watched as she looked back at him.
"Because I have spent most of our marriage trying so very hard to love him, praying everyday that he would finally tell me that he loved me after all I have done for him but he never did until last night," Clarisse said sadly and shook her head, while once again, looking back at the lodge, "and now he's gone. I will never know if he actually meant it, or if it was just spur of the moment because, well, we were in... the moment."
"Oh mother, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, you deserved so much better than living everyday for the last forty two years like that," Pierre said softly, watching her a moment as she looked down at the ground and put one hand up to her face, rubbing the bride of her nose while trying desperately to suppress her emotions. Knowing in her heart that while her husband never showed her, or even told her that he loved her until last night, there was someone who did love her. And had done so for many, many years.
"It's fine, I'm fine," she nodded and took a deep breath before lifting her head to look back up at him. "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?" He asked, studying her as she now smoothed her hand anxiously back and forth across her stomach.
"Yes," she nodded and finally turned to face him as Joseph and Philippe came out the front doors of the lodge. "I have to be, don't I?"
"Yes I am," she nodded and leant closer to him, to rest her head on his shoulder while placing her free hand down on his forearm. "And I'm the happiest I've ever been. But like I told Pierre this morning, being married to Rupert might not have been the life I hoped it would be, it was anything but actually, but he did give me the life that I have now. And if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have had my sons, Mia wouldn't be here," she said and lifted her head to look up at him, "and I wouldn't have met you all those years ago either."
"That's true," he smiled and leant closer to kiss her deeply a moment before pulling back and gazing into her eyes. "I can't even begin to imagine a world without you in it. Because you are my world. I'd be lost if I didn't have you."
"Me too," she said and rested her head back down on his shoulder, "Rupert might not have been the best husband, or loved me like he should have, but he certainly did a good job in bringing someone into my life who does. And always has."
"Yes he did," Joseph agreed and rested his head gently against hers as she closed her eyes with a yawn. "Well that was a big yawn."
"Yes, it was," Clarisse nodded, her eyes remaining closed. "I think the jet lag is starting to kick in now."
"Let's get you upstairs and back to bed then so you can get some rest," Joseph said and lifted his head from hers.
"I'm fine, I don't need to go back to bed," Clarisse said and lifted her head from his shoulder to look back up at him while moving her hand from his forearm up to wrap around the top part of his arm. "If I sleep now, I fear I won't be able to sleep tonight, and I want to be able to sleep tonight. With you right there beside me for the whole night. Not just for an hour."
"And you will," he said softly and leant closer, kissing her a couple of times before resting his forehead against hers. "You are stubborn, you know that?"
"Yes I am, but you wouldn't have me any other way," she laughed and kissed him back before pulling her head back a little as he laughed and shook his head.
"You're right there, I wouldn't," he smiled and studied her face a moment. "Anyway come on, let's go upstairs. Maybe we can make a start on the unpacking to keep you awake."
"Oh yes, that's an idea," Clarisse said, smiling at him. "We can do that."