Author's Note:
Well, this is the final chapter for Part Three. If you're wondering why I went to age 16 for Jess and didn't cover the fire when he was 15, it's because I wrote about that period in Jess's life in my "Leading to Defiance" story and a couple of my others. And I know other writers also covered the fire. I wanted to do something different; hence, the skipping ahead a year. Remember in Fugitive Road when Jess told Slim about having to leave Francie with the other Harpers? I wanted to expound on that and the Gil Brady connection.
I hope you'll like the way Part 3 wraps up here.
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Chapter Nine
They topped the hill, and Ebal's place was in sight. Not a word had been spoken between the siblings after Jess's partial confession about how he had secured safety for Johnny and Francie. Now, he voiced his concerns about his sister's future.
"I wanna git ya settled someplace away from here. You deserve better."
"It's not so bad. Mostly, I help Janeene with the cookin', laundry, watchin' the littlest kids, and such. Got a cot in the girls' room. And I git enough to eat." She glanced at him, considering how much more she should divulge. "And when Jerome and Gil go off to join up, there won't be boys at the Bradys' anymore, so Missus Brady said I can stay there. It'll be proper then. Mister Brady said I'd be welcome too."
"That'll sure be better for ya." Jess was quiet for a long moment and then nodded. "Yeah. Good to know you'll be with them. They'll watch out for ya."
Francie didn't tell him the other development, that the feelings between her and Gil had become more than just friendship. They had even talked of possibly marrying in a couple of years, when the war, they hoped and prayed, would be over, and Gil would return from serving the Confederacy. Now wasn't the time to share that information. She would wait until morning, until the grief had settled for a while and Jess's heart was at least a bit more at ease.
"Things are set for me. But I'm so worried about you, Jess. You're living such a dangerous life. A lonely life."
A brief, rueful smile flitted across Jess's lips. "You're just like Johnny. Always worryin' over me," he said gently. "Sorry I give ya so much cause."
"I know you're hurtin'. Hurtin' so bad. You have been ever since that night of the fire."
He opened his mouth to protest, but Francie hurried on.
"Don't you dare do with me what ya always did with Ma! I don't wanna hear it. If you say 'I'm fine' one more time, Jess Harper, I swear…" Her voice broke. She turned away from him, trying to control herself so she wouldn't cry.
Jess reined the horses to a stop. He sat still for a while, chewing his bottom lip, trying to think of what to say.
"Francie, I don't want ya spendin' your days frettin' over me. I don't wanna be the cause of any sadness for ya. I wanted to spare you and Johnny havin' to deal with any more o' that. You already had enough bein' sad to last a couple lifetimes."
She turned back to him. "So have you. But you won't let anybody help ya with the hurt."
Jess said nothing. And for a second, Francie felt like the silence was almost an admission that what she said was true.
"Jess, I know you feel like you always have to be the strong one. Like you always have to protect everybody. Why can't you let me be strong for you sometimes?"
Jess shook his head slightly.
"And I know you think you have to git your vengeance, but─"
"That ain't it," Jess cut her off. "It ain't revenge, Francie. It's justice. For Ma and Pa, and Benjie and Chloe."
"No revenge?"
"Alright. So maybe it's both. But Bannister and his gang, they gotta pay for what they done."
"Can't you leave that to the law?" she pleaded. "So you can let go of your anger and try to find some happiness? Heavens, Jess. You ain't even seventeen yet. Don't throw your life away like this."
Jess stared off into the distance. Francie sat quietly watching him. Finally, he turned to her.
"Francie, I'm tryin' to understand how you feel. Please try to understand me. I ain't throwin' my life away. It's like you said, I got months to go before I'll even be seventeen. I got my whole life ahead o' me. But for now, this is what I gotta do. Can ya please try to see that?"
Francie blinked away her tears. In a quiet, emotionless voice, she said, "What I see… is that when you git your stubborn on, when you git all muleheaded, there just ain't no reasonin' with ya."
Jess looked down at the reins in his hands.
Taking hold of his arm, Francie briefly leaned her head on his shoulder. "But I love you, little brother."
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The sun was going down, and it was suppertime when Jess pulled the wagon near to the Harpers' kitchen door. He unloaded the two baskets of apples, setting them in the kitchen for Janeene to store as she wanted. The scents of a home-cooked meal filled the house, and Francie methodically began to set the table.
"You'll join us for supper now, won't ya, Jess?" Janeene invited with a sympathetic smile, which Jess couldn't bring himself to return. She knew why; obviously Francie had broken the news about Johnny to him. Though nothing was said about it now, the grief was almost palpable as Jess stood forlornly staring out the side window.
He caught sight of Ebal exiting the barn and yelling at the children to wash up as he stalked toward the house. He suddenly stopped, looking at the wagon, and specifically at Tracker still hitched to the back. His expression turned into one of fear, and he spun around and went back in the barn. When he came out and started again for the house, he had a sixgun tucked into his pants belt.
Jess felt satisfaction at seeing that. Ebal felt he needed the security of a weapon. Proof that the man still took that sworn promise seriously. Ebal was afraid of him.
"Would you like to have a seat and a cup of coffee 'til we're all ready to eat, Jess?" Janeene asked gently.
Jess knew he wouldn't be welcome at the table. Francie knew it too. Besides, he didn't feel like eating.
"I ain't hungry, ma'am. But I thank ya for the invite. I'll just take care of the wagon, and curry and feed your horses. And then git Tracker and me settled in the barn."
Francie hoped Jess would stay for at least a week or so. Maybe Janeene could talk Ebal into allowing that. If not, the Bradys would gladly let him stay with them. But she also knew that even if Ebal gave in and let Jess sleep in the barn for a few days, with the way he felt about Jess, throughout the time her brother would be with them none of his meals would be taken with the family.
Knowing Jess was exhausted and wanted to be alone anyway, Francie gave him a peck on the cheek. "I'll bring some food to the barn for ya first thing in the mornin'."
"Thanks." Jess put his arms around her for a hug that was so long it surprised her. He seemed reluctant to let go. After a while, he broke away and went out the front door as Ebal came in the back.
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It was just before dawn. Francie had breakfast for the family ready and waiting for them in the warming oven, as was one of her duties. She could hear the rustlings of the family begin, so she prepared a plate full of scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, hot cakes, and sausage and set it on a tray with an apple, a glass of water, and a cup of hot coffee. Balancing the tray across her arm, she took a lantern and made her way to the barn.
She stepped into the still darkened barn as the sun began to creep above the horizon. As she made her way through the structure, she took note of the animals occupying each stall, not knowing which one Jess and his horse would have taken. She reached the final stall, and stood stock-still in heart-wrenching disappointment, finding it empty.
He had left sometime during the night.
Francie pressed quivering lips together. Fighting the heartache, she drew a shaky breath.
"Never even gave me a chance to talk to ya 'bout what ya been up to. Nor to tell ya 'bout Gil and me. Nor to give ya a farewell hug," she murmured. "Now I know what that big hug you gave me last evenin' was about. Already plannin' to leave then, weren't ya?"
She hung the lantern on a hook at the stall, set the tray aside, and sank down onto a bale of straw. "Never could say 'goodbye,' could ya, little brother?"
Tears began to flow down Francie's cheeks as she felt not only the sadness of Jess leaving, but also terrible worry about his future. He would be out there in the Big Open all alone, dealing with the heartbreaking news of Johnny's death. And probably overcome with guilt. And still the anger from what the Bannisters did would be festering deep within him. Where would he go from here? Back on the trail after those murderers? Or would he end up riding with outlaws? Oh, Lord forbid! Or… would he go off to war, like the Brady brothers and most other young men in the area? No matter the choice or the destination, there was surely great danger in Jess's future. Danger, hurt, loneliness. Trembling with a feeling of loss and anxiety, she buried her face in her hands and wept.
After a good ten minutes of venting her sadness and worry with her tears, Francie knew she had to get back to the house before Ebal stomped out to the barn looking for her and bellowing at her to clean up the breakfast dishes. The world was brightening with the dawn, so she extinguished the lantern. She just stood there, struggling to bring her emotions under control. But the tears wouldn't stop.
As she wiped at her eyes… she saw it…
There it was… on the flat lid of a trunk where Ebal kept his best tack, along with a stash of liquor that she had seen him hide inside it. The early morning light was streaming through a window on the east side of the barn, illuminating a message on the top of the trunk.
Dear sweet Jess. Amidst his leaving, he had been thinking of her.
And oh, how well he knew her!
Certain she would be worrying herself to a frazzle, he had left her a message to ease her fears for him. She read it and drew the warmth of the words into her heart. Comforted, she blinked away the last of her tears.
He had had no paper or pencil. So he had spelled out his message in capital letters in a way that brought a smile to her lips. He had used dandelions picked from the nearby meadow. The note of sorts, on top of the trunk, was stated simply and beautifully. "IM FINE."
That's Jess all right, she thought. It was a fitting goodbye from him after all.
She said the words out loud and then voiced her response. "I know you are. Or at least you will be."
Francie stared at the words formed by the placement of the small yellow flowers with the mid-length stems. Then she gathered them all together, hugged them to her heart, and placed them as a bouquet in the glass of water.
She picked up the tray and lantern and made her way back to the kitchen, her head held high, her bravery in place. Patched there with the reassurance she needed, by the brother who had more love and courage than anyone.
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─end of Part Three─
Author's Note:
I'm working on Parts 4 and 5, when Jess will be an adult. Finding the time to complete them will be the challenge. But I hope it won't be too long.
So far we've seen Jess at ages 7, 11, and 16. What did you think of my interpretation of him at those ages?
A special thank you to the readers who have given me specific feedback on various chapters. Every time I write, I always wonder, "Will this chapter come across to readers the way I intend it to? Have I written the emotion and action in a way that draws readers into the story? Will they think it rings true to the series?" So I sure appreciate it when you share your thoughts, dear fellow Laramie enthusiasts.
Thanks for reading!