A/N: This took a while to edit... I'm still not 100% satisfied, but it is what it is.

I'm really fond of this chapter in many ways :3

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"Yes. That's the point of it."

Now he knew of my betrayal, of my plan to vanish from this version of reality and slip into a better one. He would never understand. The moment those words left my mouth I saw it in his eyes. And there it was again, the fire of rage, the sharp pain he emanated. I barely managed to close my mouth and he was on me, his fist closing around my shirt's collar. A rough tug and I flew forward, almost bumping against his chest.

"How dare you, little ape?" He wasn't screaming. His voice was almost a growl, deep and… choked. Hurt. "What do you think to accomplish with that?"

He couldn't really scare me anymore. The short moment from before had been nothing but a faint, triggered, memory. The sensation the void had left me with still clung to my insides, another memory. One of power, one of destruction. Of fire. I was not helpless anymore, not bound to fates I didn't want.

With some effort I schooled my features and wrinkled my nose, a bitter smile formed on my lips. "I'm sure you'll find another way to escape the Doctor."

My expression had an effect on him. His look faltered. Confusion. "That's not about getting away from here." He shook his head as if to get rid of an unwanted thought. "It's about you vanishing!"

"Yes!" I tried to pry his hands open and away from my clothes, but, as always, I failed against his strength. "What's it to you? I know I was stupid to offer that deal. I realised it too late, alright. But I did. I know what you'll do. When that damn thing works you'll be gone the same second."

He still was confused. I saw it in his eyes. And it unnerved me. That he took that long to accept that I had seen through his plans... hadn't I?

His grip loosened, just a little. Why was he so puzzled about my conclusion? "You…" He shook his head and let go of my collar, glaring down at me with wide eyes when it hit him. "You think I would just up and leave."

I tugged at my clothes to get them back in order and tossed a dark scowl at him. "Don't deny it. Doesn't suit you. You planned that all along."

"I didn't."

Just that. No big excuse, no grand explanation to make me believe. No, there were only those plain and simple words.

"Yeah… right." I crossed my arms, gnawing on my bottom lip. "Look, I'll get a chance to have a proper life. And nothing will change for you. You won't even remember me. Isn't that good? No ape to strain your nerves anymore."

The Master rolled his eyes. "If you were such a bother I wouldn't accept you anywhere near me. You do know that, right? Come on, you can't be that daft. I told you I like having you around."

"Yeah, cause your bloody drums are quieter then."

I expected him to take on a cruel smile, or to tell me some nonsense because of his life force in me. But no. He did nothing the like. He only glared at me for a long moment and then, without a warning, his hands shot towards me again, this time both. He grabbed my collar and pushed me backwards. I almost stumbled and fell. My back hit the wall. I groaned in pain when my head thudded backwards, connecting with stone. What the hell?

His face was so close to mine, his eyes sparkling with anger. "Since you don't get it the gentle way, let's try it like this." There it was, the cruel smile, the snarl. Now he would tell me just how disgusting I was to him and that he would force me to comply, if necessary. There was so much rage in his eyes and emanating from his entire being. "I'm going to murder that woman myself if she's the reason you are like that."

What?

I only managed to blink. There were no words.

"Are you really so broken that you can't even accept the thought that you might be important to anyone?" he snarled.

"B… but you hate that I'm human."

He tugged at my collar and forced me closer. "I don't hate you, idiot. You're important to me. And not just because of the drums."

His head dropped against mine. His body was so close, his warmth engulfed me, such a contrast to his cold actions. Only now… he wasn't cold at all. Could my heart beat any wilder? Was it possible he told the truth?

It was so hard to speak, my voice barely came out. "Wh… why?"

"Do I need a reason?" The Master let go of my collar and cupped my face, thumbs stroking over my cheeks. "Just consider I might actually be quite fond of you, will you?"

I swallowed, heart pounding in my throat. Could I? For all of my life there had been nothing towards me but contempt and even hate. Because I wasn't who they wanted me to be, because I couldn't adapt to their broken view of what should be.

"I…" How would this ever be true? I could never even begin to be someone who could keep up with a being as superior to my own kind as his. I was only a toy, a distraction. A heavy lump clogged my throat.

"Oh, go on, crack a smile. This is something good." He did so himself, but I wasn't able to accept just yet, wasn't able to form words or even coherent thoughts; his face fell. "You don't believe me."

Slowly, I shook my head. A pang of shame shot through my chest and for a moment it hurt to breathe.

There. Now he knew. He couldn't blame me after all he had put me through. Things had gotten a lot better lately, but who was to say that this wasn't just a part of another plan? How could I ever trust?

"Yeah," he murmured and I felt his mind nudge the edges of my own. His smile was so sad. "You're right. I'm not particularly good with any of this."

The Master retreated from me and just stared, contemplating. My chest hurt. There was just too much in it, too much of everything. He was the only one in so many years who had ever managed to calm the storm, to ease the pain, to make me feel even remotely safe. With him I had learned to almost forget how hostile people had been towards me and I had started to trust again. With him, with the Doctor, then with Donna. I had discovered a confidence within me I hadn't known existed. And time and time again did he crush it down, did he prove that… or was I wrong?

"I can't do this anymore," I finally admitted, dropping my gaze downwards. Why did it hurt so much? Why did I have to be bound to him of all people? I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping it would ease the tension that ran through my whole being, but the gesture barely managed to do anything at all. "I don't want you to leave me behind."

I heard him sigh. He was defeated, defenceless. "And I don't want you to be eliminated from my memory. Now what?"

My grip on my arms was almost painful, helping nothing. The Master approached once more, but this time without force, without rage. He reached a hand out and let it drop before he could touch me.

"I'm not going to say this twice, so you better listen." There was a pause and I didn't dare to look up. I didn't want to hear those words that would surely break me. The Master sighed once more, took one step back, hesitated and then took a larger one back towards me. He balled his hands to fists, only to release them again, quite as if he didn't know what to do with them. Finally, he let out a sudden grunt. "I hate that I feel this way. I did the one thing I swore to never let happen again and… here we are, knee deep in shit I can't get out of anymore. So it is what it is." This time his hand found my skin, stroked along my face and made me look up. To my surprise, there was a gentle smile, one I had never seen before. It was sad somehow and also hopeful. "In all this time I could do nothing that would make you run away from me, you stubborn thing. And you always insist on being friends and all that nonsense. So pull your pants up and. Don't. Run."

Tears welled up in my eyes. Was this real? Was I dreaming? It could only be an image in my sleeping mind, a wish sitting so deep that it forced its way to the surface. Reality wasn't like that, it could never be, could it?

"It's as real as I can make it," the Master promised. "This doesn't mean… I can't give you any of those labels you're so fond of and I'm not sure this is anything humans would normally value, but it's all I can offer."

He moved his hand from my face and placed it on my chest, lightly shoving the cloth of my shirt away to find more skin. I inhaled sharply when his mind poured into mine without a warning. It had been there before, but only as a lingering touch, now it flowed into me, filling the empty, the cold, the lonely places with warmth, with comfort, with affection.

He dropped his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. "Look, I know I can't convince you with words, I know I'm not a good person. But I do… In my own way… I…" He slightly shook his head. "Forget it. Can you do something? Can you shove that pain in you away just one more time. To stay. With me?"

A sob shook me, but no tears would fall. No, he didn't lie. I felt his essence, his emotions. It all ran through me like warm water. There was a hint of disgust and contempt, but he felt it only for himself, because he had - definitely not without a fight - accepted that he felt close… to me. He had allowed it, after a great struggle. And he would not accept me taking it away from him again. It had all changed, one moment or the other, that he didn't see me only as something to possess any longer. The sensation was overwhelming, all encompassing. I slowly dropped forwards, resting my forehead against his chest. I grabbed his hand and held it with both of mine, not wanting to let go. And there was also myself, reflected in our shared space, mirrored back at me in all those details I didn't want to accept.

Another sob shook me and finally I wrapped my arms around his torso and let him press me against him. "Yes," I mumbled, my voice muffled by his shirt. "Yes, I can do that. I'll stay with you. I promise."

He laughed, a low and relieved sound. The tension slipped from him and he hugged me tighter. "Good. Thank you." Gently, he took my face between his palms and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I can't make your past less painful, but I can try and create a future that is worth staying alive for. How does that sound?"

"That… that sounds wonderful." I smiled through tears that wouldn't fall. Every cell in my body was flooded with warmth and reassurance, with a promise. I relaxed into the warmth and let us sink deeper, not stopping him, not resisting. This was real. He truly wanted me. He wanted me. And he wanted me by his side.

I'm afraid… I have to hurt you one more time, though.

And suddenly there was darkness. I faltered and flinched, not quite grasping what was happening. How deep had he dug? What were those images? Why did I hear a child cry?

No no no, don't go there! I begged. I didn't want to see it, I didn't want to be reminded.

You're not alone anymore, little light. Those memories can't hurt you.

Please…

I want to know. I have to know. I'll burn it all. Everything that broke you.

Fighting him was of no use. His mental powers were so much stronger than my own. I clung to him, suddenly scared, letting him drag me down into the depths of a past I wanted to forget. But he wouldn't let me. My body vanished. There was only darkness, only the flow of our intertwined minds. Time wasn't following a straight line any longer, memories from all times mixing together. I heard someone scream, a rageful sound. And another voice was sobbing, sobbing behind the wall whilst I could only sit there and listen, wishing for nothing more than to storm over and help. There was another slap, more shouting. My older sister cried out in pain and then the door slammed open.

I cowered under the bed, watching the feet of my mother rush by to the living room, the muffled sobs of my sister filling the silence.

Deeper.

Our little sister was born. Our mother never laid a hand on her. For a while everything became better. For a while she paid us no attention, as if we weren't even there.

The images didn't follow a straight time line, they were scrambled together, shoved to the surface wherever they emerged.

The first day of school and I silently cried when the final bell rang. I didn't want to leave. It was an escape. It was new. But it wouldn't be long and both places would mean equal misery.

We were on the playground, one of the rare occasions we were allowed to leave the house. I had a watch stripped to my wrist, anxiously glaring down at it every few seconds. We had half an hour outside. Generous. Almost double as much as usual. But I wasn't daring to provoke a punishment for being even a minute too late. Half an hour… It was all we had to fantasise about freedom, about running away together, to sit on a swing and feel the air and the sun.

It was Christmas. How old was I? Maybe four. There were so many people. All of my grandparents, my two aunts and a cousin. A big Christmas tree stood in the living room, a colourful giant to me. And there were so many presents below the branches. All of them for us. I smiled and could not wait to open them. It would be the last time.

I awoke in a dark room, lying on my back and staring up at the ceiling. Christmas eve again. But nowadays there wouldn't be a tree. Not since that woman had rung at the door some years ago. Not since our parents had started to drag us to this strange place every few days, where we had to listen to religious stuff and wear dresses. It was all boring. I hated dresses. But we wouldn't dare to protest. Prayers and beatings. Soft promises of paradise, spoken while I lay under the bed, fearing for my life and that of my sister. I never understood how they expected me to believe in a god.

A baby cried in the living room. I sneaked over to have a look at my little sister, having no idea what she needed. She was the golden child, no harm ever came to her. Sometimes it made me jealous, but I never wanted her to be miserable. Was she hungry? Cold maybe? I took the blanked she had wriggled herself out of and draped it over her tiny body. A voice screamed and I jumped, hurling around just in time to feel a hand whack my face forcefully enough to throw me against the small bed. She was shouting so loud. I hadn't done anything to my sister. But she wouldn't believe it. She stroke again and I felt blood in my mouth while I watched her taking the baby and cooing soft nonsense to her.

The school bell rang. Anxiously I glanced around, busying myself with my bag, trying to vanish right behind it. The teacher was still there. If I took long enough I might manage to leave last. Find a spot on the school yard where no one could see me. There was snow outside and they had too much fun stuffing my clothes with it or throwing snowballs with little pebbles inside at me. Winter always gave them even more room for torment. And the grownups always looked the other way.

It was summer. I came home with bruises. Blood clotted my nose, was smeared on my knees and elbows. My whole body was covered in small scratches from the thorns I had climbed into to retrieve my school bag. The girls had thrown it in there. Now she was screaming. I held up my arms, trying to protect myself from a hail of hits and swears. Because the bag had a big tear, I would need a new one. She hated spending money on us.

More sermons. I had to memorise all those boring bible passages. More yelling. At home, in school. Dad always worked. I wasn't sure he even knew. When he was home she wasn't as bad. I never dared to tell him. It was enough if he was there, quiet and warm. He never spoke much. We sat in silence and puzzled or watched TV. Sometimes he made roses out of wires and pearls. When he was around I felt safe and warm. When he was gone I tried to hide from view. Somehow I had managed to make myself unseen. Not invisible, just so uninteresting that she paid me less attention. She and those kids in school.

And later everyone else.

But not now. Now I wasn't invisible anymore. The cold had vanished from my body. And from my mind. Warm arms were wrapped around me, firm and protective. There was also rage, but it wasn't directed at me. Somehow it made me feel empowered to know him so angry on my behalf. He gripped me even firmer, nuzzling my hair.

How strange. Knowing. Just knowing. That he really did care. Every string of his mind's essence confirmed it and it was the strangest sansation. This past… I no longer had to carry it on my own.