"I ran into Xander and explained what was going on, but he just smacked himself in the forehead and cursed in Klingon before summoning a small handheld computer that he claimed was a company cell phone," Willow explained.
"Company cell phone?" Xander asked, causing a small device to appear in his hand.
"Yeah that," Willow said. "Then he led me to Buffy who was being harassed by a bunch of small monsters. He calmed her down and we went to Buffy's place where he said we had to wait for two more people before doing anything."
"Sounds kinda familiar," Xander offered, distracted by his company cell phone as he figured out how to use it, finding it intuitive.
"There was a scream outside and he ran out, returning with Cordelia in a cat costume. I tried to explain to her that she wasn't a cat, but she didn't change like we did because she went to Party Town for her costume. Xander then explained what was going on and said as soon as Angel arrived I could go tell Giles."
"You dressed as yourself as some sort of magical agent, yes?" Giles asked Xander.
"Something like that," Xander agreed. "It's really complicated and I'll explain after Willow finishes."
"Um, that's pretty much it," Willow said, "Giles and I went to Ethan's and he stopped the spell."
"Guess it's my turn then," Buffy said. "Lady Useless was frightened half out of her mind, having no idea what was going on. She thought Willow and Cordelia were both prostitutes because you could see their ankles. She distrusted Angel because he was Irish, landed gentry or not, and thought Xander a local lord for how he kept calm despite the chaos around us."
Giles nodded. "All those opinions are perfectly in line with who you chose to dress as."
"Xander told Angel that if he left the room he'd end up chasing me over half of Sunnydale while tapping his fingers on that thing he called a cell phone. There was a noise in the kitchen and Angel went to see what it was. I ended up seeing Angel in game face, fighting someone dressed up as Dracula and ran for my life."
"I warned him," Xander said, tapping away on his company phone. "The me I dressed as had gone through that night before, dressed as a soldier."
"Do you remember what happened now?" Dawn asked Xander who was rapidly scrolling through something.
"A bit," Xander replied. "I contacted Janus, don't recall what we talked about though I do remember he used a lot of emojis in his messages."
"What are emojis?" Giles asked.
"It's when you use text symbols to make faces on instant messaging programs," Willow explained.
"You texted a god?" Giles asked Xander, finding the entire concept ludicrous.
"That me did," Xander agreed. "I can't recall what we talked about, but I know he helped me contact someone in some sort of trading network that runs some charity for agents."
"Lady Useless was attacked by Larry the school's quarterback while dressed as a pirate," Buffy said when it became apparent Xander didn't have anything more to say. "Angel and Cordelia showed up and Cordelia bopped Larry on the head which somehow broke the spell."
"And Xander wasn't with them?" Giles asked, surprised as he knew how devoted Xander was to his friends, not to mention the size of the torch he carried for Buffy.
"I was hunting down Drusilla," Xander said. "Information is the most powerful weapon you can have and she was a seer. You do not leave one of those in the hands of your enemy."
"There's that confidence again," Buffy noted, "you almost sound like agent you."
"He was me, just a more experienced and powerful me," Xander said. "I stamped Dru which made 'the stars fall silent' and she immediately went to sleep. Spike returned after the spell broke and I stamped him and a couple of vamps with him, taking care not to dust anyone and left. I stopped at Buffy's to make sure things had followed... canon? Once I knew they were okay I collapsed on my couch and passed out."
"The spell's effects lasted past the spell breaking?" Giles asked, scribbling in his notepad.
"I talked to Janus via messenger," Xander replied with a shrug, "that got his personal attention and he was the one powering the spell. He probably made a deal with agent me."
"Before the spell broke we were attacked by Spike and a whole bunch of kids in costumes, but between Cordelia and Angel they held them off long enough for Cordelia to realize she could break the spell on me, so the next thing I know she's smacking me in the head with her magic baton," Buffy growled out. "I still say it only took one hit and not nearly that hard!"
"You're sure it was the baton that did it?" Giles asked.
Buffy nodded. "You could smack the little monsters around all you liked and it did nothing, but one tap with Cordelia's baton and they were just kids again."
"I wonder if it was from someone else's costume," Giles said thoughtfully. "I rather doubt she was carrying around a baton with a cat outfit, but if it was dropped by someone who bought it from Ethan's it would explain the effects."
"No idea, but that was pretty much my whole night in a nutshell," Buffy said.
"I woke up on the porch I'd fallen down on after the spell broke and went home," Willow said. "I called Buffy and she said everyone was fine. I've walked into a couple of doors expecting to walk through them but I'm fine otherwise."
Giles nodded and made a few more notes. "Buffy, any after effects from the spell?"
"My knowledge of French makes a lot more sense now," Buffy said, "and I have a vague urge to work on my sewing skills, but other than that, nothing."
Giles nodded and turned to Xander. "I assume you have a lot to tell me."
"I do," Xander agreed, "but it's easier to show you." He stood up and walked over to the wall, opening a door that hadn't existed the moment before. "It'll be a lot more believable with proof."
"It's his house, or Sweet Home," Buffy said with a grin as Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them.
"I have a lot to tell you, but thankfully most of it is on a file on my phone with supporting details so I'll let you read that and then just answer any questions you have," Xander told the Watcher.
"Alright," Giles agreed, putting on his glasses and picking up his notepad.
"I want to read it after you're finished," Willow told Giles as they entered Xander's house.
"My word," Giles said, as he saw the interior, "this is very..."
"High class," Buffy suggested.
"Swanky," Dawn added.
"Yes," Giles agreed as Xander handed him his phone and explained how to use it before tapping the corner of the screen twice and bringing up a file.
"Wait till you see the gym or the spa," Buffy told Willow. "It's amazing."
"And I finally got you a replacement Barbie," Xander told his red haired friend with a grin.
"The one from when we were kids?" Willow asked, surprised. "We'd still be dating if you hadn't stolen it," she teased.
"My word," Giles said as he slowly scrolled through the file.
Joyce nodded before realizing he couldn't see it with his entire attention on the screen in his hand. "I know," she said, "there have been a lot of shocks this morning, I'm still half convinced I'm dreaming."
"Even with what I know of the nature of reality I'm not sure I'm not," Giles said, "this is..."
"Frightening," she offered.
"Yes, that is one word for it," Giles agreed, accidentally touching the 'cast to' button and causing the TV to light up, displaying the file as well. He glanced up, blinked, and nodded. "That is rather useful."
"Oh, that's much more detailed than what he shared," she noted, "though he was just giving us the Cliff Notes version."
"We've always known reality was larger than just the portions we could access, but this... a company exists that has monetized doing good," he said in disbelief.
"A corrupt and evil company," Joyce added.
"What?" Giles asked.
"Xander described it as corrupt and evil and only allowed to exist as long as the good they do outweighs the evil," she explained.
Giles smiled. "That makes a lot more sense and makes me feel better about the whole affair," he decided.
"Really?" she asked, disbelief clear in her tone.
"Oh yes," Giles said. "All these evil beings being forced to do good, making it in their self interest to do so? Brilliant, just brilliant. I'd double check any contracts they make before I signed them and not trust them further than I could throw them, but at least their end goal is something more intelligent than causing death and destruction."
"A life size Barbie," Willow said in disbelief as they exited the pink bedroom, "and it looks so lifelike too."
"Does this make up for stealing your Barbie when we were kids?" Xander teased, Dawn giggling as Buffy snickered.
Willow turned to Xander. "Yes, yes it does. You are now reinstated in my good graces as a boyfriend." She burst out laughing at the stunned look on his face.
"Oh yeah," Buffy said, "it was the theft of a Barbie that broke you up."
Xander chuckled. "Okay, you got me on that one."
"You said you stopped Dru and Spike, does that mean you still have a stamp?" Willow asked.
Xander nodded. "Yeah, they bond to agents and can be called to hand from anywhere." His stamp appeared in his hand.
"It looks like what they use to imprint a seal on wax when sending off important papers," Willow said, holding out her hand for it.
Xander passed it to her. "Agents use them to sign contracts and all the rest too. It's pretty much a badge of office."
Willow examined it. "It's a smiley face," she said flatly.
Xander grinned. "Most people go for complicated heraldry or mystical sigils denoting their rank, all of which give away a lot of information on them, mine is a simple smiley face."
"That gives away nothing," Willow realized, "and people probably assume you're a lot more... simply and unprepared than you are."
"A lot of the time, at least I think so," Xander said, "I have almost none of agent me's memories... just impressions." He held out his hand for the stamp.
"Just a second," Willow said and pressed it to her arm.
"Willow?!" Xander exclaimed.
"You didn't think you were going to do the whole agent thing without me, did you?" Willow asked, eyes locked on his, keeping the stamp pressed to her arm.
"Yeah... but marriage seems a bit much to help out," he said in shock as she removed the stamp and examined the smiley face on her arm.
"I told you before you stole my Barbie I was going to marry you," Willow reminded him.
"Marriage?" Dawn asked, wide eyed.
"The stamp is basically a marriage contract," Willow said. "Are you okay with this?" Willow asked Xander anxiously, all the conviction she'd shown a moment ago eclipsed by worry.
Xander hugged her tightly. "A lot more than I thought I would be," he admitted. "You know I'm more than likely going to end up with a harem, right?"
"Buy the perk that gets rid of jealousy and we'll be fine," Willow said, burying her face in his chest.
"After I pay off the debt from the large pile of perks previous me may have purchased," he promised, eyes closed as he nuzzled the top of her head.
Dawn pouted a little at how close they were and Buffy was surprised she didn't try and ruin the moment but simply waited for it to end.
"How many perks?" Willow asked curiously, letting go and grabbing his hand.
"One hundred and fifteen points worth," Xander replied.
Willow winced. "That is a major contract's worth."
"Or several smaller ones," he pointed out. "A major contract takes years to complete in most cases, a minor one can be done much quicker if you pick the right ones."
"How do you get contracts?" Willow asked curiously.
"My adjuster is working on it," Xander replied. "She's looking for ones that fit my moral framework."
"Big tittied goth elf?" Willow asked.
"Yep," Xander replied.
"What?" Buffy asked, not recalling Xander mention an adjuster before, nor Willow when they were discussing the whole agent thing.
"Someone has to do all the paperwork and deal with the company," Willow replied, "naturally it'd be the perfect male fantasy. It was all part of the setup, a sexy secretary was required."
"Agents aren't chosen for their intelligence and someone has to know how to run the business side of things," Xander said.
"So all agents get big tittied goth elf girls?" Buffy asked in disbelief.
"Only the ones with taste," Willow said. "What?" she asked as they all turned to look at her. "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I don't know what men find attractive."
"Back to superpowers," Buffy said, changing the subject.
"Superpowers?" Giles asked, as the teens were still close enough for the two adults to hear everything they said.
"I got a five pack of power granting vials," Xander explained. "I thought we could all drink one and see what we get."
"I'm hoping to pass out and wake up with abs like Spider-man," Dawn said with a grin, moving to Xander's other side and grabbing his free hand.
"Xander didn't want to do it without you," Buffy told Willow.
Willow squeezed his hand. "I love you too," she told him.
*DING*
"Xander, your cell phone has just notified me of a five point credit for stamping 'Season Two Willow Rosenberg'. What exactly does that mean?" Giles asked.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
Beta by: Abyssal Angel and Mist of Shadows