Chapter 10 – Cuddles

-:-:-

While the fallout from Sardinia had somewhat drawn attention away from the funeral of Ben's father, there were still those that pointedly insisted on making nuisances of themselves under the guise of offering Ben condolences he truly did not need. Seriously, if his mother was out and about helping Sardinia by King Christopher's side, if she was managing Central Auradon council sessions and making public appearances again, why would he still be broken up about the loss of the asshole that was supposed to act like his father?

It was tedious, and with that tedium came long days and too many conversations and painful isolation.

Just at night, of course, never during the day. Ben couldn't get left alone during the day if he tried, but evenings were the worst. Even with his nightly phone calls to Audrey, eventually those would end and he would be alone in his room, feeling the acute isolation his position forced him into.

That was when he learned that for all that he begrudged Mal, she had been good company, and she'd indulged his cuddles and kept his bed warm, kept the room feeling full when Ben could barely manage the energy to do so himself. Now that she was gone he had no more of those basic comforts, and the truth of the matter was that it was making it harder for him to sleep.

Which was just the last damn thing he needed because he had to be at his best a hundred percent of the time, and makeup could only hide so much.

It got to the point where even Doug noticed when Ben visited the new villa, the king rearranging his schedule so he could have dinner with people he didn't have to put as much of a mask on for a change.

"You look tired," Doug said, his eyes narrowed in concern after the conversation had awkwardly fizzled out, which had happened because Chad was so worried about Ben that he hadn't propelled it forward the way he normally would have.

"Sorry," Ben said, swallowing down a yawn. "Just um- things didn't work out with Mal, but her presence was a comfort at night. Now that I'm all alone…" He trailed off with a tight grin. "I'm still adjusting."

"You're having trouble sleeping?" Chad asked, worrying at his bottom lip, and Ben was so tired he didn't even lose a moment staring at it despite that being one of his very favorite sights.

"Yeah," Ben admitted. "But I'll adjust eventually."

He hoped.

Doug and Chad – who were across the table and out of reach of temptation – both looked conflicted, like they wanted to offer their support but weren't sure how.

It was Jane, of all people, who spoke up. "You could stay the night here if you want," she offered, making the rest of them pause in surprise.

Ben, who for once hadn't been wheedling or trying to manipulate the conversation in that direction, lost a few moments being stunned. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all," Jane said, seeming to mean it. "Your job's so hard, and you've been through so much – if having company makes you feel better, I um- I think we'd all be happy to help."

"We would," Chad said, launching into things now that Jane had pretty much given the all clear. "You do so much. The least we could do is help you."

"Agreed," Doug said, and for whatever reason that made Jane brighten up in a smile, like they were entirely going off her plan rather than their own desires maybe.

"Great," Jane chirped. "I'll make a schedule for who you can stay with. We can switch off nights." She stroked her chin in thought. "Does it help if you have more people?"

"Maybe?" Ben said, because he hadn't really thought about it. He usually only ever had one person to cuddle at most. "I don't want to disrupt your schedules, though. I try to get in as much sleep as I can – so sometimes I turn in really early and sometimes it's um- too late." He ran a hand through his hair. "Maybe it's too much-"

"It's not too much," Jane insisted, shooting him an unhappy look. "You deserve cuddles. You deserve comfort too."

"Thank you, Jane," Ben said, still at a loss. He'd stolen Jane's love from her and yet here she was, willing to help him. She was making an effort for him because they- she thought they were kindred spirits, he realized. She thought he missed Mal, when really, his stupid beast just needed a human connection to thrive. It didn't do well alone. In school, he'd always had Chad – even when he was dating Mal. And then it was just Mal, and sometimes Chad, and to go cold turkey after all that…

It wore on him, and maybe that was a detriment to his stupid bloodline enhancements, but Jane was offering him a way out.

"You're welcome," Jane said, smiling like he hadn't thrust her into a future she didn't want. "We can set up a permanent teleportation rune so you don't have to keep driving over," she continued. "I could probably get it done tonight, and you can teleport back here after you drive home."

"That'd be great," Ben said, absolutely boggled that something this good had fallen into his lap and he hadn't even had to manipulate or plan for it. It'd just happened. "Jane, seriously-"

"Think nothing of it," Jane said, and if it was anyone but her – anyone but the pure, noble Light Fae, Ben would be wary, he'd be suspicious, but Jane was buffered by Doug and Chad, and while Ben knew Chad wouldn't hurt him, he was reasonably certain Doug would look out for him as well. "Now, finish your dessert."

"Yes ma'am," Ben said, then took another large bite of Jane's soggy strawberry shortcake.

Despite its humble offerings, it was the damn sweetest dessert he'd ever tasted.

-:-:-

Jane decided to do things alphabetically, so he stayed that first night in Chad's room, curled around the blond without doing anything that went past platonic cuddles in case this was a trap, and he felt so very settled and happy that his cold heart might manage the effort to actually cry.

"There, there," Chad murmured, and that was Ben realized he actually was crying – just a few tears here and there, but he was so damn happy that he wasn't alone again, that he had a solid reminder of what all this was for, that he couldn't possibly contain his gratitude.

"See you tonight, Ben," Jane had said early the next morning when all three of them saw him out the door despite the fact that it was too damn early in the day, and Jane had kissed his cheek so Chad had kissed his cheek and this new version of Doug was not to be left out so he did the same, until a terribly flustered Ben walked out the door to the sound of Chad's muted laughter, and he wasn't even mad about it, because that was- it felt like home.

And it wasn't his, but for now, they'd let him borrow it.

And that counted for something.

-:-:-

Ben kept coming back.

He probably shouldn't. It put them at risk if they were ever discovered, but…

But who would notice his absence if he teleported directly out from his suite? And if he wasn't obviously traveling to the villa, thus putting its location on the map or drawing anyone's focus, what did it matter?

So Ben would attend his meetings and planning sessions and minimal college work and public appearances – he'd have the comfort of meals stolen from him by networking opportunities or, on the rare occasion, with his mother (which he actually enjoyed) – and then at night he'd retreat to the place that didn't feel like his prison, got to visit an actual home where the scents of some of his favorite people were.

The first time Jane had a late-night snack waiting for him when he propelled himself forward on shaky legs, Ben had been so blindsided and delightfully overwhelmed that he'd picked Jane up, nuzzling her hair with a quiet rumble before he remembered that she wasn't used to literally any of his beast shit.

"I'm so sorry," he babbled, setting her down with a wide-eyed look. "I'm sorry, Jane. I didn't- I mean, I did-"

"What was that?" Jane interrupted, her cheeks tinged in a light blush.

Chad, who had been watching the scene unfold from the living room, perked up with a grin. "That's Ben's beast."

"I was just really happy," Ben tried to explain, running a distracted hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'll try to do a better job of controlling myself going forward."

"You don't have to," Jane said, but she couldn't know because that was just the tip of the iceberg, and Ben tried to explain as much but then she was leaning forward to press a kiss against his cheek, urging the plate of warm sausage rolls into his hands. "Eat your snacks."

"Yes, ma'am," Ben said, collapsing into a nearby chair because he was too overwhelmed and exhausted to do anything but follow orders and eat his tasty treat.

Oh shit, it was even good. Chad must have made it.

"You're with me tonight," Doug informed him with a blush when Ben had emptied his plate and was contemplating licking up all the crumbs.

"Doug," Ben rumbled, wrapping an arm around his waist and burying his face against Doug's stomach because he'd missed the musician. He pulled back when he remembered Jane, who he was pretty sure was across the room with Chad, cursing his lack of restraint. "Sorry-"

"It's okay," Doug said, combing a hand through his hair. "Do you want to carry me up?"

Fuck appearances, Ben very much wanted to do that.

"Yes," Ben rumbled before he swept Doug into his arms, the musician seeming happy to settle against his shoulder. Ben turned his gaze towards Jane who was watching him with a bashful expression. "I um- I…"

"It's okay," Jane told him. "Chad explained your beast stuff while you were eating."

And Ben hadn't even noticed, so strong was his tunnel vision. He really was losing it, maybe, but he was just so happy to have his arms full of someone he cared about that he couldn't really dwell on it.

"Sorry," Ben offered one more time before he carried Doug upstairs.

"Come on," Doug said when they entered his room, the musician locking the door behind them. "Shower and bed sound good to you?"

"Yes," Ben purred, forcing himself to pull away from Doug so he could deal with his required personal maintenance as quickly as possible before he was stumbling out of the bathroom, breath fresh from the toothbrush Doug had left out for him.

Doug called to him like a beacon, and Ben wasted no time curling himself around the musician, whispering apologies into his shoulder as he set up his phone alarm again, at once feeling more settled than he had all day.

"It really isn't a problem," Doug soothed, letting his hands settle over Ben's. "I enjoy cuddling with you too."

"Just- I don't want to make things hard on you," Ben said, and for once it was true, it wasn't greedy, because his father had been greedy and that greed had destroyed him in the end.

"You don't," Dough assured him, and then Ben was drifting away, lulled by a comforting scent and the feel of Doug's body.

-:-:-

"My turn," Jane said the next day when Ben came in early enough to have dessert with them, which was a rich chocolate cake from a box mix but Ben honestly didn't care because box mixes were severely underrated in his opinion. Not everything had to be homemade and fancy all the time. "That is, if you don't mind?"

Ben paused, the question refusing to properly register with him into anything that made sense. "I would think you'd mind more than I," he settled on eventually, unable to hide his expression of confusion. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"I want to help," Jane said, her expression serious. "I'm not scared of your beast stuff, if that's what you're worried about."

"Oh," Ben said, because with the death of his father and his newly-single status, his days had become significantly more exhausting, leaving him just about mush at the end of the day.

"I welcome it," Jane continued, her gaze locked on his as though to assure him, which was unquestionably sweet and also a little bit weird and Ben was too tired to properly discern this so he just turned towards Chad, who gave him a subtle signal they'd agreed was code for 'all clear' years ago.

"Okay," Ben said, and then he picked Jane up too, because if they were doing this they were all going to be treated equally, and he retreated up to her neat, frilly bedroom.

It was actually super cute.

Ben shifted awkwardly, Jane a comforting weight in his arms. "I um- I just have to-"

"Yeah," Jane said, giving him a kind smile. "You can use Doug's shower to tidy up."

"Thanks," Ben said, setting her gently down on the bed.

When Ben returned to her he found himself just as desperate for cuddles as he would have been for Doug or Chad – so on one hand that was a comfort, but on the other hand he focused on trying not to freak Jane out as he spooned up behind her, releasing happy purrs against her shoulder that made her shudder.

"Sorry," Ben said, contemplating pulling back, but then Jane pulled him forward, shooting him a knowing look with a light blue gaze that slightly glowed from her inherent magic.

"You don't need to apologize," she said. "I like being held by you."

And she meant it, so that was-

Ben did not understand this, so of course he consulted Audrey at her earliest convenience.

The princess was busy managing her grandma Queen Ingrith, who kept trying to settle new agents in Sardinia out of some kind of old loyalty to Duke Francis or, more likely, a desperate bid for power, so he tried not to bother her more than was strictly necessary. This, though – his focus was so pointedly distributed everywhere else that he just didn't have the time to dissect it properly.

So he explained the situation to Audrey, and was treated with a blank stare before Audrey dragged a hand across her face. "Benjamin," she said, her tone bearing its own hints of exhaustion. "You might not remember this, but you're a king. You're good looking and supposedly sweet, and everyone and their mother has a crush on you."

That… did not clarify things. "Jane said she didn't want to be the Queen of Auradon."

"Jane's practical like that," Audrey said. "That doesn't mean she doesn't like you or wouldn't want to help you out."

Because Jane didn't know that Ben was just a hungry asshole.

"Also," Audrey continued. "The whole dead dad and losing a fiancé thing usually makes people more amendable to helping you."

"Oh," Ben said, because he dealt with so many assholes who tried to manipulate that supposed vulnerability for their own advantage that he forgot that there were nice people in the world that might just not do that.

"You don't need to overthink this," Audrey said. "Trust Chad. If Chad clears Jane, then you're fine."

"Okay," Ben said, because trusting Chad would forever and always be one of the easiest things for him to do, about as easy as trusting Audrey.

So he stopped overthinking it. He kept his focus where it was needed during the day and looked forward to retreating to the place that felt like home at night, using that highlight as a thing to motivate him through the truly tedious bullshit he had to deal with. He'd go to their house as soon as he was able to, sometimes joining them for dinner and getting to take a part of their evening routine – which involved reading or homework or scheduling or watching a movie or something, and while he hadn't expected Doug and Chad to mind his addition, he found that Jane really did welcome him as well.

In fact, she seemed very comfortable cuddling with Doug and Chad too, like they were properly dating – which was good, but somewhat confusing for Ben.

"You… you seem happy," Ben said when he was brushing out Jane's hair one night, because he'd always wanted to do it for Mal but she was touchy about that kind of stuff – not that he blamed her, given her experiences – but now he had Jane and her long, dark waves and Doug's soft locks and Chad's golden curls that he could only comb when he was fresh from the shower because otherwise they'd be a mess but oh, how Ben loved all of them.

"I am," Jane said, wearing a light flush as Ben carefully set about his task. "I- I realize this is for the best," she said, answering the question Ben hadn't posed. "I love Carlos, but I don't think I could have managed the others. This, though – it's comfortable." She ducked her head with a shy look, causing a tendril of her hair to spill through Ben's fingers. "I never really thought of dating Chad and Doug, but this is- it's really nice."

"I'm glad," Ben said, and he found that he entirely meant it, found that immense weight of guilt that had been bearing on his shoulders – but one of many he'd come to ignore for the sake of his continued survival – dispersed in a quiet rush.

He hadn't wanted to hurt Jane, he didn't want to hurt anyone, but that was always the cost of his position. Someone got hurt. Someone had to do without. Someone he cared about had to suffer and it was up to him to decide how much because of stupid fucking politics.

There was a moment, and he realized his eyes were hot with a wetness he didn't normally indulge, and that was enough to have him pulling away from Jane in an effort to compose himself, because he couldn't afford to be weak, because he was getting a nice thing, Jane was willingly giving him a nice thing, and he was ruining it with his dumb tears.

"Ben?" Jane pressed, turning over her shoulder to look at him.

"I'm sorry," Ben said, words he'd probably repeat until the day he died. "I mean, I'm glad, Jane, but I'm sorry-"

"Hey," Jane said, and then she was there, cupping his cheeks while guilty tears leaked from the corner of his eye. "It's not your fault."

"It literally is," Ben gasped, knowing he shouldn't be this honest with Jane but unable to hold himself back because he was only human, he could only do so much. "I-"

"This," Jane said, staring him down with that sharp gaze of hers. "Is for the best. I'm happy here. We're happy here, and you don't have to feel guilty for that."

"Just- I wouldn't have if I didn't have to."

"I know," Jane soothed, pulling him towards the bed. "You can let go of that guilt now. In fact, I order you to do so."

And then she pulled him down for cuddles, cradling him for once while he cried against her shoulder, and Ben- he shouldn't, but he allowed himself this, because even he had to be weak every once and a while, and if he couldn't trust the people in this house, who could he trust?

No one, except maybe Audrey, but she was the exception to every rule.

-:-:-

Days and holidays blurred together, Ben pulled around by the whims of his duty, standing strong against the onslaught of consolations and those who wanted to 'help' him and princesses and nobles of high ranking with aspirations of grandeur. Yule passed and Ben barely registered it save for the additional public appearances and charity drives it demanded of him. He was seeing less of Mal and the others recreationally, but that could be excused considering the circumstances.

Besides, as much as Ben appreciated their company on occasion, he was simply too busy, and if he was going to make room in his schedule for anyone, it was for Audrey and the people at the villa. That was the beginning and end of his list, and he didn't in any way regret it.

His days were busy but it wasn't unbearable when he had something to look forward to, when he could end his duties and go to a place that felt like home, to the point where Chad had cleared out part of his closet and acquired a dresser specifically for Ben's use. He'd enchanted it so no one would recognize the clothes as Ben's, so no one could even access them unless they really tried, and maybe Ben had spent a little too long cuddling him after that gift was revealed, but what else could Ben do in the wake of such thoughtfulness?

It was almost perfect.

And then Jane had to push to make it entirely so.

"Um," Jane began on one of the rare nights Ben was early for dinner, the king working on his stupid, harmless book at the breakfast bar while she and Chad finished working on what smelled like chicken fajitas. "Doug and Chad told me about the um- arrangement you guys used to have."

Ben saw Chad twitch in his peripherals, meaning the blond hadn't thought that Jane would bring it up like that. It wasn't like Jane to divert from a plan, so this must have been eating at her – or alternatively, the three of them had agreed to never bring it up and Jane had done it anyway. Ben wasn't mad either way, he knew that if Chad had shared this it was because he thought it would strengthen Jane's bond with them and he knew she wouldn't share it. There was no point in getting upset, Ben just needed to follow Audrey's advice and trust Chad, which he did.

"I… yeah," Ben said, allowing himself to slip into a bashful blush. "We would have fun while Mal and Evie…" He trailed off with a shrug. "Well, had substantially more fun, I guess." That earned a giggle from Jane, which was comforting. "We haven't done anything like that since you got together, though," Ben lied, but what happened between him and Chad in response to the arrest of his grandfather was a definite exception as the man had made Chad's life miserable for so very long. "I promise."

"I know," Jane soothed, and based on her expression, that hadn't been a concern of hers. "I know. Just- I was thinking if you guys wanted to do that again, you could."

Ben was not the only one who froze, and in the living room, he was pretty sure Doug made a strangled sound that was barely muffled by the book he was hiding behind.

Ben had to play this carefully, because while it was everything he wanted, he'd already been getting so much good recently that he didn't know what to do with it. "Would you like to join us?" Ben asked, keeping his voice neutral. "I mean- you don't have to, I just don't want you to think we're purposefully excluding you, or pressuring you into something you don't want, or-"

"Ben," Jane interrupted, but when she did, she was smiling. "I… yes, I think that'd be nice. So don't worry about it."

"Oh," Ben said, and then, as his brain had decided to become somewhat useless, he gave up on his attempts at writing and started setting the table.

It was important to know when to surrender.

-:-:-

Endnotes:

Until next time :)