THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT! REMEMBER TO REVIEW AT THE END!

Minor Spoilers for Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. (If you don't watch it, you should. It's really good! But it's not required for this story.)

Christine's POV

"Have you ever been engaged, Mr. Spock?"

Those words cut like a knife in her throat. The expression on his face made her joy dim more than a fraction.

Yes, she knew the truth. Deep down, she always knew, but she also hoped.

She always hoped the Vulcan would acknowledge her and give in to his primal urges, but then again…

How could she go back on her promise? How could she turn away from the promise made to Roger?

But then, how could she turn away from her feelings? She told Spock she loved him, and she meant it. She loved Spock. She loved him with a pain that hoped to ease, but with every day one thing hovered between them.

Roger.

Well, if she was honest with herself, two things. Roger and Spock's stubbornness.

She supposed, after a time, it was her fault for Spock rejecting her. She rejected him many years ago in favor of her dreams. If she was truly honest, it pushed him away and caused him to accept, fully, the Vulcan way of life.

But couldn't she have done both? She did with Roger. Why couldn't she with Spock?

As she followed Kirk into the transporter room, she pondered the answer and came to a simple realization. She didn't want him to change. Being with her would have changed him.

Without Kirk looking, she turned her head and wiped a single tear from her cheek. If he saw let him think it was being reunited with Roger Kirby and not longing things were different between her and Spock.

Somehow, her pain would have to dim. At least for now, for she didn't know what she would find on the planet below. She didn't know if she could love Roger the way she meant to anymore. Being reunited with Spock brought up all the feelings she thought were gone. Another shot of honesty coursed through her.

She could never love Roger the same way she loved Spock. The love for Spock was deeper and full of acceptance. Roger, on the other hand, was more of a rebellion. She rebelled against the regret and pushed herself into Roger's arms.

She was his partner and that was what she wanted, but now…

Now, she realized that what she had with Spock was purer. She wanted to be a partner, but also, a supporter, and equal.

She wanted Spock. Pure and simple.

She just had to figure out what to do about Roger.

As she prepped to beam down, she wished Spock was going with her. Just for a fleeting moment, but knew the captain was better suited for this.

Spock would cause the guilt to deepen within her and the pain to radiate throughout her even more. The knife in her chest twisted as she came to terms with it all as the beaming initiated.

No matter what, Spock was her great love.

If only he would accept her.

"Are you alright, Nurse Chapel?"

She turned and smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. She had to keep up the pretense. She had to hide her pain. "Yes, I'm fine, Captain."

Kirk smirked and nodded. Leaving the matter alone, much to her relief.

The planet was dim and cold. Nothing like the warmth she felt on the ship. Suddenly, she wished this was over.

The captain's hand was cold in her own or was hers cold? She wasn't sure, only that she wanted to leave. After she had the answers, she needed.

She needed them more than ever. Her heart needed them.

She needed them more than ever.

She needed Spock.

Please be kind!

I started this with the intention of it being a two-part, but right now it will be a five-part. There is a reason for it. No worries.

Until Next Time...