The Summoning Spell is a Jerk

by 5th Dimension

Louise's familiars across so many stories can be powerful, strange, or mysterious! But what of those times when a roll of the dice goes bad, when the Void itself lacks common sense or is just apathetic? This is a collection of oneshots dedicated to the worst possible familiars that any Louise could ever have. (Feel free to use any of them for your own stories, if you wish.)

16. Dead

"You are my servant, and-"

Adam Taurus beheaded the foolish human before she could complete her sentence.

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"You will obey me!"

Margit the Fell whacked her with his big stick, dashing her brains against the courtyard.

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"I will call you dog, if I want to!"

Frieza obliterated her down to the very atoms.

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Louise held up a whip menacingly.

Omni-Man immediately crushed her skull.

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Louise barely had time to speak before she started laughing.

The Joker laughed with her until she keeled over.

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"Familiars collect reagents, and… that's it. I think." Louise blinked, then glanced down at the hatchet in her chest.

"You took me away from Yuki FOR THIS?!" Yuno Gasai screamed at her.

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"Suck my robot balls," said the figure in black, as Louise choked on nothing.

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"Uh-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

Everyone in the vicinity immediately died.

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"Is that a troll?"

NO. IT'S A CHERUB.

So sayeth Lord English, who then obliterated their universe.

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"We shall piece together the manifold protections of solid voices will charge. No forest shall forego a transfer to the essence of truth's wings. The wished extraction of tarried skulls eat not a pencil to fornicate steel toes," it said casually in an Albionic accent, as it ripped Louise and her class apart.

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"Nom."

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"Huh. What is- AAAAAH GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF"

Louise's body withered to a husk.

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"I like trains."

Louise was immediately run over by a train.

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A/N: In order: Adam Taurus from RWBY,

Margit the Fell from Elden Ring,

Frieza from Dragon Ball Z,

Omni-Man from Invincible,

The Joker from DC,

Yuno Gasai from Future Diary,

Darth Vader from Epic Rap Battles of History (originally Star Wars),

a mandrake (mythology),

Lord English from Homestuck,

SCP-058 from the SCP Foundation,

the Tarrasque from D&D (or any other giant mindless monster that you can think of, that works too),

a Metroid from Metroid,

and the I Like Trains Kid from ASDF Movie.

Louise is easy to kill by dropping random deadly characters and monsters on her. Typically, when writing a chapter for this, I try not to just instantly murder her unless I think there's some other element to explore. Or it amuses me.

This chapter was a compilation to get several ideas out of the way, and to demonstrate why "they would immediately murder her" is off the table, as far as writing these oneshots goes. They make for short and repetitive chapters.