She'd been so happy when her son had been placed in her arms. Although she only mildly disliked Kane on the best days of her pregnancy, Lita had hoped things would somehow get better once Lucien arrived. Thoughts like this consumed her mind, only to then increase her self-loathing. Why did she feel this way when she had such a perfect son? Despite being the spawn of Kane, or perhaps because of it, Lucien is a very quiet baby, rarely crying. He hadn't even cried when he got his vaccinations. Only a few weeks old and he already had an intensity in his eyes as he looked at his mother as she rocked him.
Lita's mother came to help her settle into motherhood for the first few weeks. While Lita believed she'd be happier once Kane left, she felt a strange void. She could tell her son realized his father wasn't home. Constant well-meaning parenting advice from family and friends quickly grew stale to her. She may have been a first time mother (and likely only time mother), but she could take care of her child just fine. The best experience had been with Sara, her sister-in-law, who let Lita practice motherly tasks on her two kids with Mark. The Deadman actually had a pretty normal home life on his ranch. Seeing him and Sara together made her feel even more alone as it proved to her Kane didn't have genetic disposition to explain away his treatment of her. If Lita felt annoyed with her own family, it's discomfort she felt as Paul Bearer and the Undertaker visited. Lita tensed as Paul insisted on holding his grandson.
"Oh my, just look at 'em. I remember when Kane was this little, looks just like his papa," Paul blabbered, cradling Lucien too tightly. Lita can't picture Kane as ever being a child, let alone an infant. She also chose not to see any of Kane's resemblance in her son. In contrast, the Undertaker held her son with ease, his experience as a father shining through. His gruff voice broke up the scene. "Never thought I'd see the day I'd have a nephew."
Lita had thought the same. She'd been the one selected, however, to bear such a child. She wondered how it felt for Mark to find out his brother had been alive for all those years, but she doesn't dare ask him. Although he tamed down his Deadman image, he still made her uneasy. She'd been warned not to call him Mark, at least not his face by Sara.
She watched as the Undertaker watched her son as if he could sense something she couldn't. What the hell are these guys?
Mark met her eyes. "The Calaway blood is strong in this one."
Paul blubbered. "I think you mean Bearer blood!"
Lita sighed. Paul tried to get her and Kane to change their surnames. It hadn't ended well for him. Fortunately for Paul, Kane was out of town for Raw.
Undertaker glared. "Kane and I's mother's blood. Her maiden name was Kane," he explained to Lita, who stared at the two men who had her son too close for comfort. Kane rarely told her anything revolving around his past, only looking towards the future he dictated for the two (and now three) of them.
Lita tried to break up the tension. "Well, there's Dumas blood, too. That's gotta count for something."
Undertaker grunted in agreement.
Paul smirked at her. "Oh yes, Lita. You're a strong and beautiful lady, perfect for my Kane."
Lita resisted a shudder. She was tired of being labeled as belonging to Kane or only existing to raise his son.
Some nights, when she was alone with just the baby, she put him to bed and put on old videos of her matches or flipped through some of her photo albums she'd hidden in the back of the spare room's closet. Lita allowed herself to grieve for the life she had made for herself — all her victories and friendships, even her feuds. Whenever she caught herself lamenting for the past and cursing Kane, she reared back and instinctively went to check on her sleeping son. Lita worried her resentment for her predicament would somehow haunt her in a Monkey's paw scenario. Images of her waking up to find a cold and stiff infant in the crib flashed in her mind. She'd remembered what it'd been like when she nearly miscarried — beeping equipment and constant IVs poked into her as Kane flopped between being a doting husband and needing to be tranquilized by medical staff.
She didn't know who she was anymore or who she wanted to be. Lita rarely even watched Kane's matches on television, thinking it'd only make her resent his ability to continue his own life while she was at home. She'd hung up on Bischoff when he suggested bringing Lucien with her for an interview. Lucien's her son, not a prop for some sick entertainment. She wouldn't allow his existence to be reduced to that of a child made between a fearful mother and beastly father.
Lita forced herself to actually do the postpartum workout tapes her mother bought her. She alternated between dreading the exercise, speeding past the harder reps, and rewinding the tapes completely to go at it again. Lita grabbed a garbage bag and tossed out all the food she'd craved during her pregnancy. The weight took longer to shed than she'd expected. She had burst into tears one day as she put on some of her old ring attire to discover it was too tight around the waist.
It was during one of these spells that Kane came home for the weekend, a rare occasion. Kane reluctantly accepted the usual Monday night position on Raw, as well as the traveling and training time that bled into other days, but his contract had changed right before Lucien's birth. He would now make appearances at smaller companies' house shows. He'd been incensed at first despite the extra pay and more time to work on his career.
"You'll be in the ring more?" Lita shrugs.
"Plus, more money. I'm not exactly working now."
Lita never imagined she'd be a stay-at-home mother. Everyone acts like she will be back in the ring in no time, yet her doubts grow on that with every passing day.
Kane stares at her. "But I'll be gone almost the entire week."
"Yeah, but that's true anyway."
He's silent but holds her eyes. She can see his mismatched eyes flicker through a wave of emotions.
"You want to be world champion," Lita reminds him.
"I want to be here with you and Lucien," he declares.
It surprises Lita how involved as a father Kane turns out to be; the Big Red Machine seemingly possesses a strong paternal instinct. It makes her doubt her own maternal instinct, as she sometimes feels completely clueless on how to handle her son without consulting a parenting book or calling a mom friend.
Lita decides to bottle-feed her son, telling herself it's better that way, so he'll take it better once she begins working again. She often wakes up to find Kane's side of the bed empty aside from the trapped body heat. Creeping into their son's room, Lita finds him tending their son so tenderly that she almost forgets she didn't choose Kane to be her husband or the father of her child.
Lucien has no such torment regarding his father. Lita is happy about that; she sometimes worried her emotions could've transferred over to her growing baby. Her son's two favorite people happen to be her…and Kane. Lucien's cries fade away into quiet contentment whenever he's held by either one of his parents. He likes to watch their faces as he sucks on his fingers. Leave it to an innocent baby not to fear Kane or his face. She swears that one time she sees Lucien do a baby version of the infamous head tilt. His mini balled up fists look like he's already practicing uppercuts.
While she eagerly looks forward to Kane being out of the house despite it increasing her motherly duties, Lita still can't fully escape him. He calls daily, sometimes more than once. She fears the upcoming phone bill. Lita can hear it in his voice that he wants to be at home. Other times she has visits from Paul or Sara and Mark, definitely sent on Kane's request. Lita's not sure whether he's checking up on her in good faith or making sure she's not running off.
Running off…
She's definitely considered it before. Lita knows there are some people willing to face Kane's wrath in order to get her away from him. But then she thinks of how her son babbles excitedly in Kane's arms. Her stomach twists as she sees unexpected…love on Kane's face as he plays with their baby.
She can't split them up, and she won't leave her son, so she stays.
Kane eases her treatment of her considerably post-delivery. He helps her around for the days following as she winces. He's not even embarrassed when she tells him to pick up some pads for her post-birth bleeding. Kane tolerates her family being around in his home, even when his mother-in-law's too quick to point out flaws. Eagerly, he takes up his mother-in-law's parenting tips like testing a bottle's warmth by dripping some milk on his wrist.
A massive pile of congratulatory cards and gifts arrive in the days following the birth of Lucien Alexander Calaway. One card happens to be from Matt Hardy. Lita's shifting through envelopes when she spots his card. She knows his handwriting before she even sees his name jotted across the pale blue envelope. Her face must've given her away because she feels Kane watching her closely.
"Who's that one from?"
Lita shakes her head. "A cousin."
She puts the envelope back into the pile and begins looking at other ones, praying she doesn't end up in an accusatory argument with Kane again.
Lita bites her lip as she sees Kane approach her from across the room. While she's hidden the envelope among the others, he singles it out.
"Hey —" she protests. She snatches it away, hiding it behind her back.
Kane's eyes narrow. "Lita…give that to me."
"No. It's for me."
"Oh, but remember when you said we were partners? What's mine is yours…?"
Before she can retort, Kane reaches behind her and snatches the envelope, nearly ripping it as he holds it high enough that she can't grab it.
"Kane!" She shouts, but quickly holds back further insults. Lita doesn't want to wake her son up from his nap.
His breathing hitches. "Matt…Hardy…"
He glares at her.
"I just had your baby, and you're treating me like this!"
"You're right, Lita. My wife just had my baby, and now she has her ex-boyfriend writing to her."
He begins tearing into the envelope. Kane resists the urge to send the card up in flames. "Let's see what Matt has to say, why don't we?"
"Kane…"
The card is cute, she thinks as Kane reveals it. It's clearly a congratulations on the birth of her son. Congratulations on the Birth of Your Baby Boy, it reads above a drawing of a blue stroller. Part of her feared it'd be Matt begging her to run away with him, but in the end he's still her friend at heart.
"Dear Lita…" Kane begins, voice mocking. "I hope you're doing okay. I miss you." Kane pauses to glare at her again. "I'm sorry last time got interrupted. You didn't have to stick up for me like that. You always had my back in the ring."
"Gimme that!" Lita tries to grab the card. Kane stills her with one hand. "Isn't that sweet. Matt thanking his friend Lita for saving him from the monster."
"I'm here with you because I wanted to save him in the first place."
That strikes a nerve. Despite the 'deal' being Kane's creation, he hates when Lita brings up the origin of their so-called relationship. His lips twitch.
His voice booms. "And it's here with me that you'll stay."
The two stare each other down for a long moment until Kane returns to the card. "You'll be a natural at being a mom. I remember when you showed my cousins how to 'wrestle' a few summers ago. Your son is lucky to have you as his mom. Maybe one day he'll be a world champion, too. Remember I'm always here if you need me, Matt."
Lita resists crying at the words and the memory of playfully tackling Matt's young cousins, who were starstruck by her. The memory seems so long ago and far too innocent for the life she has now. She's relieved that Matt doesn't say anything about Kane outside of referencing their last meetup. Lita awaits Kane's anger, but he simply puts the card back into the envelope and places it back on the table with the rest of the pile.
"Well…?" Lita asks, folding her arms.
"He could've congratulated me too, but that'd be admitting I'm the father. He's too hurt to do that," Kane says smugly.
"Matt's always liked kids." She remembers how she and Matt had argued playfully over their future kids' names. Lita was devastated upon receiving the DNA reports. The hurt in Matt's eyes still haunts her, but now she wouldn't change it. Changing fathers would mean she'd have a different baby and she can't imagine having a different baby. She loves her son more than anything, more than wrestling, more than Matt, more than herself. His name fittingly means 'light.' It'd surprised her when Kane agreed to the name, she'd thought he'd think it was feminine, yet he'd been so hung up on their son's 'purity' at their wedding. Maybe he wants their son to be the catalyst for a change in himself. Lita still wasn't sure if he was joking when he said he wanted to name their son Azrael.
Better than Kane Junior.
Kane frowns. He doesn't like hearing about Lita with another man…happy with another man.
"Maybe someday he'll have some. I've heard he's been seeing some new diva. Ashley something."
Kane's voice is nonchalant, but Lita realizes he's setting her up for a trap. He wants to upset her, anger her, so he can accuse her of being in love with Matt.
The words do invoke...something in her, but it's more of a nostalgic loneliness than jealousy.
She shrugs. "Good for him."
Kane looms over her as she continues to go through cards.
"He's right about one thing."
"What's that?" Lita doesn't want this conversation to continue.
A huge smile crosses Kane's face. "Our son will be a champion."
Lita sometimes wondered if she meant anything to Kane outside of being 'his' and Lucien's mother.
Kane stared at her even as he sat his suitcase onto their bed.
"What?" She asked.
"You look different."
Lita ran a hand through her hair. "I dyed it. Finally feel like me again."
"It looks…nice."
His eyes dropped to her midsection, studying her throughly.
Lita crossed her arms across her chest. "It hasn't been six weeks!"
She made a mental note to get back on birth control as soon as possible and find a place to hide it from potential Kane tampering, lest he decide to have more 'offspring.'
His eyes darted back to hers with a faint smile. "Oh, I'm aware of that…" The smile faded. "You've lost a lot of weight."
"I've been working out." She flexed an arm.
"How much?"
Lita didn't expect the accusatory tone.
"Every day."
"And how much is that?"
"Just like an hour. Whenever Lucien is sleeping."
"The doctor said you need to take it easy."
"I am, Kane, but I can't just sit around until Lucien needs a bottle or diaper change."
Kane abandoned his post at their bedside to be near her. Lita watched as he placed a hand on her shoulder and tipped her head back with the other hand. "I understand."
She broke free of his hold on her chin. "I need to get back into shape."
Kane frowned. "There's nothing wrong with your shape." He gestured toward her body. "You look…womanly." Her change in bra size hadn't gone unnoticed by Kane during her second trimester. She'd seen him ogling her.
"Um…thanks."
"Don't push yourself too hard, wife. It's not healthy."
A few hours later Kane confronted her as he realized a sizable amount of their food was missing. Either she'd thrown it out or binged — both possibilities made him shake.
"What happened to all the food?"
"I tossed it out," Lita explained as she brushed her red hair in front of the vanity.
Kane's eyes widened. "You what?"
"I didn't waste it. Dropped it off at a food pantry."
Her nonchalant attitude irritated him. "I don't care about waste. I'm…concerned about you."
Lita turned to face him. "What? I'm fine."
"No, you're not. I come home, and you're suddenly skin and bones compared to last week."
Lita rolled her eyes. "Eight pounds isn't starving myself."
"That's too much for one week, Lita! I'll have Paul be here every day if I have to."
Lita shushed him, waving her brush at him. "You'll wake up the baby. Look, I just want to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight."
Kane exhaled slowly. "You look fine."
Lita wondered at the irony of a man who wore a mask for years telling her not to concern herself with her looks.
He palmed the back of his head. "Just don't want you getting sick or anything."
"Thank you, Kane."
She said to appease him.
Mostly.
Kane grumbled more about her sudden weight loss as he snaked his arm around her in their bed, pulling her body next to his. His hand spanned her waist.
"Feel too thin."
"I was chubby, and now I'm 'too thin.'"
She heard a sharp breath behind her. "Who said that?"
"You did."
Very coy, Lita, Kane thought. "You know what I mean."
She sighed. "Trish, for one but she's always said that. My mom. Fans."
Kane growled. "They don't know what they're talking about."
"Women get fat when they're pregnant, that's just how it is," Lita lamented.
"You've never been fat. You — pregnant women have a glow about them."
Lita laughed at Kane's awkwardness. "That's oddly sensitive for you to say."
He shifted. "It's, uhm, well…beautiful. Gift of life and all."
Lita waited, sensing he wasn't done.
"Especially when it's your own child."
Lita toyed with a loose thread on the comforter. "I hated the nauseous feeling and no longer being able to move normally, but I liked feeling Lucien move around. Made me feel…" She trailed off, not knowing how to describe that sensation.
"Yeah," Kane whispered. The child had been abstract to him until he felt the first kicks stirring from within Lita. A feeling he never had before warmed his chest.
The couple stayed there in silence as they thought about how much their lives had changed in the last year.
Lita slowly turned until she faced him while staying in his strong embrace. She couldn't meet his eyes for long, averting them away into the darkness of their bedroom. "Kane."
His head tilted in response.
"I've been thinking about everything, everything that's happened between us and I —"
Kane never got to hear what she would say.
Lucien's cries interrupt them, coming over the baby monitor placed on the nightstand.
Lita seemingly snapped out of whatever had taken over her, slipping out of bed to tend to their son.
Kane watched her leave as his mind replayed the last few minutes, wondering what she would've said. He knew that moment of vulnerability was lost.
The next morning was their first real day as a family —- no visitors and no planes to catch. Kane woke before she did, as always, surprising her by taking up some of the household needs she'd been behind on. Lita awoke to find the dishes cleaned and put away, and the growing laundry pile on the couch had disappeared. Lucien was being fed a bottle by Kane as she came into the kitchen. She smiled at the scene, remembering how intensely Kane had watched her mother show how to warm a bottle. His eyes had grown serious as she mentioned a too hot bottle could burn the inside of a baby's mouth.
"Good morning," she greeted, coming over to where Kane sat to drop a kiss on Lucien's head. "Hi, my baby boy."
Her son ignored her as he focused on his milk.
"Mornin'." Kane's voice showed no sign of fatigue despite having worked all week and tending to their home. He looked over his shoulder as Lita left to make breakfast. "Where's my kiss?"
Lita shook her head playfully, a few strands of hair fell over her eyes. "Uh uh."
Lita's vivid red hair was tied up in a high ponytail, contrasting against her light blue tank top. It reminded Kane of some of her early ring attire, but in a domesticated way. He mentally hushed himself when he thought she looked 'cute.' He was a monster, the Big Red Machine. He wasn't suppose to fawn over anyone.
"He's missed you." She nodded towards their dozing son curled up in the crook of Kane's arm.
"And I've missed him," Kane replied. "Both of you."
Once their son was fed and burped, Kane placed him back in his crib, returning to the kitchen where Lita prepared breakfast. Lita decided not to argue with Kane upon finding their kitchen cabinets filled with newly purchased groceries. She sat their food down on the table. "I wanna thank you for taking care of the laundry and stuff."
He grunted in response. Lita doesn't know if he's ever said 'you're welcome.' "Looks good," he offered, taking his plate.
"Thanks." She sat down with her own food. "What —"
Her husband moved her plate over to his side of the table.
"There's more in the kitchen," she complained, thinking he's a complete Neanderthal. He'd already needed a ton of food for his massive frame.
Kane began shoveling food off his plate onto Lita's meager breakfast.
Lita swatted his arm. "What are you doing?"
"There's not enough here to keep a kitten alive," he nodded towards her plate.
"It's been keeping me alive all week, Kane."
His arms slackened. "Lita, don't tell me you've been starving yourself."
"It's called dieting."
Kane threw his head back, absolutely flabbergasted. "Your body's still healing. You need the nutrients and energy."
"This is not all I eat throughout the day. Chill out."
"You're making me…"
Lita rolled her eyes. She'd heard this too many times before. " You've made me angry, Lita…"
"Worried."
Lita blinked. "What?"
"You're barely eating enough, I saw how little you had at dinner. You're losing weight too fast."
"Fast metabolism."
"I saw how you almost fainted getting out of bed last night."
"I got dizzy. You never have that thing where you stand up too fast? I heard Lucien crying —"
Interrupting her, Kane pushed her plate closer to her, the ceramic echoing as it slid across the wooden table like a punctuation mark to the conversation.
"Eat."
Lita stared at the amount of food he'd shoveled onto the plate before arching her brows at him. "This is way too much, Kane. You're like two hundred pounds more than me."
"Yeah, I am, and it's gonna stay that way, so eat."
Lita glared at him as she hesitatingly took small bites, disliking how he closely watched her.
A smile teased on his lips. "You eat like a bird, Lita."
Lita made a clicking noise. "Maybe I'll fly away."
His smile grew, revealing that gap in his teeth. "Oh, Lita. It's far too late for that."
She hid her flinch.
"You know, there's a saying my grandma said."
"And what would that be, sweetheart?"
"Some birds weren't meant to be in a cage."
Kane shrugged and began to eat his own breakfast. "It's only a cage if you let it be one."
The first few months ended up being a blur for Lita. Lucien quickly grew out of his clothes. She felt like she had to go shopping for new clothes every other day, making her wonder how big he would be when he was grown. Will he be just as tall as Kane? His brown hair lengthened, revealing a wavy texture, while his eye color settled on hazel, losing that vague blue most babies had. He began to look like a mix of both his parents — well, Kane before the fire, she imagined. Paul insisted Lucien was Kane's splitting image.
Kane ended up having a 'dispute' with Bischoff over his contract. Some physical force and a torching released Kane from the contract, allowing him a more flexible schedule to be at home.
"Paul was in and out of my life," he explained to Lita, "I said I won't make the same mistakes as him."
Lita recalled him saying something like that when they signed for their marriage license. She couldn't believe a year had passed since then. On her wedding day, Lita was so convinced she'd end up killing Kane in his sleep.
It was on their first wedding anniversary that hell broke loose. Taker and Sara had taken Lucien for the day to give them 'privacy' as if her anniversary was worth celebrating.
"I knew I forgot something!" Kane told her, revealing a wedding cake to her. "Know it's supposed to be the top part, frozen and all, but I forgot to get one for the actual wedding."
She went along with his façade, allowing him to join her hand with his as they sliced a piece of cake. Both preferred pie, but Kane insisted they go with tradition for once. He still leered as she ate her slice, annoyingly making sure she ate what he deemed to be 'enough.'
"Just think. One year ago right now, we said our vows."
One year of her being Mrs. Kane Calaway.
"It doesn't seem real."
"It doesn't, but it's real, sweetheart. You and me joined for eternity."
Lita bit her lip. She'd heard Taker's talk of the afterlife. While she accepted her mortal life with Kane, she wasn't so sure about her eternal life being spent with him.
"A year," Kane said dreamingly. "You know, Lucien's getting older."
Lita winced, thinking Kane was about to bring up having another child with her.
"Sara doesn't mind taking him in when we're busy. By this time next year, we both can be champions."
Lita's wrestling career had taken a major backseat in her life. She'd only managed a few PR events, signing autographs and giving prewritten answers to screened questions. Her only ring action had been the few times she went to Raw with Kane to watch a match at ringside.
"I don't know if they'll take me back. It's been a year."
"I hear people chant your name every night, see signs. They want the Queen of Extreme back."
"I don't know if she even exists anymore." Her shoulders slumped.
Kane stiffened. "What do you mean?"
"I've been running after a baby, not divas, for the last year."
"I told you months ago —"
"I know, but I wasn't ready."
"Are you ready now, Lita?"
She had to think. Lita folded her arms.
"I, I don't know what I want."
"You don't know what you want. That's your problem, Lita." He sounded angry all of a sudden.
"My problem?" Her brows rose.
"You're back and forth on everything."
"And how do I that? Enlighten me."
"One day, we're a happy family, and then the next you're convinced you're a hostage. You're devoted to going back to wrestling, and then you're in a slump."
Lita scowled. "You're no different."
"Excuse me?"
Lita pushed her mostly uneaten cake away. "You're one to talk about…emotional issues."
"I'm not 'emotional.'"
Lita just laughed humorlessly. "Sure, Kane."
She stalked to their bedroom. Kane followed swiftly.
"Don't walk away," he said, taking up the majority of the doorframe.
"More orders," Lita mocked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You're the most emotional man I've ever met. Maybe you need a Midol."
"I am not ordering anything." His patience was waning. "I used a nice tone."
He sighed. "Okay, I'm…sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just…frustrated seeing you stuck like this."
"It's not exactly enjoyable for me either, Kane."
"I understand."
Her brows arched. "Really?"
"Yeah," he affirmed, entering the room, "it's hard leaving you two here."
"That's part of it. My baby needs me…more than the fans. He's only six months old."
"Lita, I don't want you to do something you don't want to." Kane's soft tone surprised her. She glanced over at him. "I want you to make a choice on what you want."
"I feel like my identity is almost nonexistent. I don't feel like the Lita the world knew."
Kane frowned. "You're the same Lita. It's just…hormones and stuff."
"Maybe," she answered, but her tone suggested she didn't believe him. She was so sick of hearing about her so-called 'hormones.'
"I don't want you to give up on your dream. Don't expect you to just stay here forever." Kane quickly added, "If you don't want to."
Kane's support bewildered her sometimes.
"I'll think about it. I guess maybe I can slowly work myself back in."
"That's probably a good idea. Give yourself time to ease back in. Don't rush into anything." He held his hands up.
"I honestly don't know if I can wrestle myself again."
"I don't see why you couldn't. You're plenty active."
"It would be nice to be the women's champion again," she agreed, smiling faintly. "Think Trish has completely counted me out."
Kane chuckled. "Oh no, Lita. I make sure no one forgets."
Lita didn't want to know what that meant.
He joined her by the bed, putting a hand on her knee. "Listen, I know this last year has been hard. I get I'm not easy to live with."
"You're right about that." She gave him a thumbs up.
"But I feel like we've made progress. A lot of it. We just have to keep moving forward."
"I guess."
Kane didn't like her hesitation; his newborn enthusiasm faltered.
"You don't believe me?"
"We have made progress. I just — I'm not sure what our end game is here."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'm wondering what we are supposed to do. What do you want?"
His pressed his lips together. "I'm happy. I just want you to be happy."
"I've accepted my life here, but I keep thinking if I'm missing out or if I'm making the right choices."
"You accept your life?"
"Yeah…"
"I don't want you to accept this life. I want you to live it, embrace it." His words were sharp.
Lita winced at his changing tone.
"Why do you ask me about how I feel if you're just going to lecture me when I don't answer right?"
"Lecture you? Lita, you twist everything I say, everything I do."
Lita threw her head back and exhaled loudly. "Great. I knew it would end like this."
"What would?"
"Our anniversary."
"So you thought the worst of me to begin with. That's very wifely of you."
"I didn't even want to acknowledge it," she admitted, knowing it'd hurt Kane.
She saw his white eye twitch.
"That night, I told myself I'd make every day hell for you. I thought I hated you enough to kill you or at least try."
He started to clench his fists.
"The happiest moment of my wedding was when I heard Matt's music. I thought it'd all be over. Just for a few seconds, I felt like everything would be okay again."
"Lita," he warned, his voice guttural.
"I kept telling myself he only thinks he wants this. He'll grow tire of me and a screaming baby. I tried telling myself, you'd realize how bad an idea it was, give me a divor-"
"Stop," he finally growled.
"I feel trapped in this endless cycle with you, Kane. Always walking on eggshells because something I'll do pisses you off."
"You do not 'piss me off,' Lita. You purposely try to push me."
"By existing."
His nostrils flared as he pushed himself off the bed. "That's a lie and you know it."
Lita shook her head. "It's like what I read about, the cycle of abuse —"
Kane's head reared back as if she'd slapped him. "Abuse? You think I abuse you?"
"I don't know if I'd go that far."
"Lita…" Kane's voice was exasperated. "I try to be a good husband. I help around the house, help raise our son. I bring home enough, so you don't have to work. I try to keep you safe."
"Kane, our whole relationship is lopsided. You forced me into all of this."
His nostrils flared. "So this all a punishment? Tell me, would you walk away if I let you?"
"You wouldn't let me, and plus, I can't do that to Lucien."
"Nice little martyr you make, wife." He sneered. "I see you've put some thought into this."
"You can't tell me you don't see that it was wrong to force me to sleep with you."
"I did not rape you!" Lita had made Kane mad plenty of times, but she'd never heard his voice go that loud. It took a moment for her to realize the ground wasn't shaking.
"I didn't say that…"
"You meant it." He slammed his hands down on the dresser. "All my life I've been called a monster, a freak, but I never thought I'd be called a wifebeater and a rapist."
"I knew next to nothing about you when you propositioned me. All I knew was that you kinda creeped me out and liked demolishing people in the ring. Then, you're forcing me into being your sacrificial broodmare."
"Lita, have you learned nothing? All this time together, and still you won't move on from the start. I—I told you I'd never hurt you. I want to protect you, that's why I married you."
"You've hurt me, Kane."
A war between disbelief and rage battled on his face. "I've never even thought about laying a finger on you. I've destroyed those who hurt you. Snitsky needed how many operations when I was through with him?"
"Not all abuse is physical."
His face fell.
"I get it, Lita. You want me to be a monster! You want to be able to cry to others that I beat you and force you to have my babies. You don't want people to know I try, that I want…this…normalcy with you."
Lita stared at him.
"You don't want people to know you sleep beside me, that you let me hold you when you cry. That you let me fuck you when you're desperate enough. You're ashamed to be married to me. Are you ashamed of our son, too?"
"I will never be ashamed of my child. You're absolutely vile, Kane."
"I'm yours, dear. Your vile husband who makes sure you're taken care off…in all ways." He chuckled darkly.
Disgust marked Lita's features.
"Don't act so innocent now, honey. You don't look at me with such revulsion when I'm in you. I got the scratch marks to prove it!"
Lita gasped. "I'm so tired of this!"
"How do you think I feel?"
"So we agree on something at last."
Kane didn't respond, still breathing rapidly.
"Kane, just tell me something, please," she begged.
He didn't move, but his eyes darted to her face.
"What do you want from me? What do you want from all of this?" She flailed her arms around.
"I told you that night in the basement."
Lita cringed.
"You're the one who likes to bring it up, honey. I told you it was you that I wanted. That hasn't changed."
"But I've had the baby."
Kane smirked. "We could have more."
"No way, Kane." Lita took a step back.
Kane shook his head. "It's too early. But maybe Lucien should be an only child. I've buried my own brother, burned him. It's really rather inconvenient."
"Why is it that Mark and Sara can be so normal and we can't?"
"You won't let us, Lita. Do you want to pout for the rest of our lives or make the best of it? It's your choice."
And with that, he stormed off.
Lita found him an hour later behind the house, looking at the stars above Death Valley, leaning his weight against the wall. He said nothing as she approached him, but his eyes shifted toward her.
She sighed. "Kane, I wanted to apologize."
He said nothing.
"I shouldn't have said those things —insinuated those things," she corrected. "Look, I can't promise we'll ever be normal. How can we?"
Kane blinked slowly. She wondered if he even heard her or if he was having one of his dissociative spells.
"But we have to make it work for Lucien's sake…and for our own. I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life. I'm sure you don't want a nagging wife. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for how we started."
Kane shifted off the wall.
Lita took a deep breath. "Kane, that night…when I was going to say something before Lucien cried. I wanted to tell you I wish we could just wipe the slate clean as best we can. Try to act like a team here and not be at each other's throats."
"I've never been at your throat."
"Kane, you were right when you said you try to be a good husband. You're a good father."
Kane blinked several times in a row.
"And…you do try to help me. You could just dump me off somewhere or expect me to do everything, but you don't."
"I wouldn't 'dump' my wife off somewhere."
"I know."
"Right after I had Lucien, I saw Taker and Sara one day together. I saw how happy they looked. I thought it was unfair people can feel like that when I feel like I do. I thought how's it possible Kane's brother can be normal like that? Isn't he supposed to be the Deadman?"
"My brother likes to reject his inner demons when it suits him. I've learned a long time ago to embrace it."
"You don't seem like a demon when you're holding our son, rocking him."
"He…is an innocent."
"Made from us, two not so innocent people."
"From us," Kane repeated.
"I thought it was so weird that you of all people wanted to have a baby."
"It's a natural instinct in humans."
"I don't know what you are. I've seen you do things no other man can do."
"I suppose I'm an enigma. Yes, I wanted a child, specifically one with you."
"I've seen you with Taker's kids. You look so out of place with them."
"They run rampant on that ranch." Kane tried to ignore them or, even better, avoid them. "I'm not exactly keen to be 'Uncle Kane.' I do like being a father, though."
"I can see it. You're his hero."
Kane faintly smiled. "He is the only good thing to ever come from me."
"Mark told me he saw something in Lucien. That the blood was strong in him."
"It is. Lita, he is an innocent being now. Our blood has corruptive properties, yes, powerful, but it takes more than that to be a monster. I don't want that for Lucien. I want him to be strong, confident, powerful, but I don't want him to go through all the suffering I felt."
Lita shivered. "I want him to be happy and normal."
"As do I."
"Can we ever be that? Happy and normal?"
Kane exhaled. "I don't know…"
A burning question suddenly rushed to Lita's mind. "Do you love our son?
Kane closed his eyes and ducked his head. "Yes."
"We both love him. We share a mutual love.
A sad smile appeared on Kane's face. "Yeah…"
Lita took a step closer to him.
"Kane…?"
He opened his eyes, revealing a sudden fatigue. "Yeah?"
Her voice trembled. "Do you love me?"
Lucien is teething on some rings as Lita bounces him on her knee, thinking he's growing up way too fast. She slips one arm around his waist while she props up her photo album on the side of the couch. While he doesn't say anything coherent, Lita takes joy in showing off some of her pictures to her son.
"That's Grandma. And here's Aunt Carmen and Mama when they were little." She turns the page. "Here's when I was brand new at wrestling." It's a photo of her in the pink and green outfit she wore with Danny Doring. "Paying my dues, they say," she laughs as her son stares at her. "Here's the first time I won the women's championship."
Her son blabbers. She nods, "Totally, little man." Her eyes linger on the photo for a moment longer. She knows the next page has pictures of her with Matt and Jeff while they were Team Xtreme.
"There's Mama and her friends. We were a team together for a little bit," she says, tapping the photo.
"I need to get some more photos, Luce," she says as the album ends, leaving her with blank pages. She hasn't ever looked at her wedding photos, and her sonograms are in a special baby box to keep her mementos in. Photos of Lucien are in their own separate album, but she's not put any in her old album. She has no photos of her with Kane — none that she wishes to see anyway. The only picture of Kane she likes is stored away in the keepsake baby box with Kane holding a day-old Lucien.
Lucien giggles. Lita ruffles his unruly hair. "You like that, huh?"
She makes a mental note to ask Kane about getting a family portrait commissioned. Lita also wonders if Paul happens to have any photos of a young Kane or his parents.
"This is where it was," Paul announced, putting his car in park. "The Calaway Funeral Parlor."
Almost nothing was left to suggest a home had been there nearly thirty years prior. Some rotting wood and grown-up foliage concealed the childhood home of Mark and Kane. The location itself was off a dirt road off a dirt road. Paul blew past a no trespassing sign.
"Middle of nowhere, huh?" Lita said, looking the desolate property over. She tried to picture a tiny Kane running around, harassing his big brother like Carmen did to her as a kid. All she could conjure was the image of flames reducing the home to ashes.
"This was home," Paul lamented. "I knew the Calaways for many, many years. Randall taught me everything I knew about mortuary science."
"And Susanna?"
"I guess you could say I had a hankering for her. She was mighty tall, had red hair like you — but it was natural."
Lita decided to not take offense.
"Big blue eyes. Lonely eyes. Kane has her eyes…well, eye. I called her the most beautiful woman in Death Valley. She didn't like the funeral business; she'd been born into it. Died into it. I saw to their funerals — it was a grizzly sight. I saw the bodies pulled out from the ashes. I was sure my Kane would be one of them."
His eyes misted, and he pulled out a ratty handkerchief. "I'd fallen to my knees and cried out when one of the firefighters came up to me 'nd said they found a boy. Thought they meant Kane died, had burned away to nothin'. I swore I'd do anything for my son's life. It was that moment I heard one of the officers say they found a pulse. Oh, he was so burned, Lita."
Paul trembled.
"They didn't even wanna let me in the ambulance with him; it was so bad. He was covered in burns and sores, crying for his mama between wailing out in agony. I wanted to take it all away from him. I felt like it was my fault."
"How?" Lita asked, listening intently, her heart crumbling as she pictured Lucien in Kane's place.
"I went out to a wrestlin' match in Bishop that night. Kane wanted to go with me, but I told him no. His daddy had punished him and Taker for playing with matches that morning. If I had taken him…maybe he'd be different."
"Maybe," Lita whispered.
"I called her a 'whore' for a long time, Paul confessed. "Susanna. She knew I had feelings for her, but she only let me have 'er once."
Lita cringed.
"But that was enough to make my Kane. I knew he was mine from the day his mama said she was gonna give little Taker a brother or sister. Oh, Randall was my friend, but he didn't treat his bunch right at all. I wanted her to run off with me, but she never would. Said I disgusted her, slapped my face! Told me to back off from Kane. She damn neared burned the house down when she caught me tellin' Kane to call me daddy in secret. She could do that, ya know."
"How do they do that? The whole fire thing?"
"No really knows. I don't think Kane knows either; he just knew how to. Showed me out the blue one day, threw his arms up and boom! At least he can control it better than his mama did. She had no control!"
"Do you think Lucien will be able to?"
"I'd think so. Taker can do it, just differently. Both of 'em can move things 'round. Lord knows they love to torment with it. Lightening bolts, lights goin' and a flickering. Fireballs."
He shuddered. "That didn't come from me. But Kane is my only child."
"Paul, Kane doesn't talk about his childhood pretty much at all except to tell me he was in a basement or how he broke some bully's nose. Really tight lipped about most of it."
"Oh yes, Kane has always been a very quiet boy. Lita, dear, listen. I know now I shoulda took Kane with me when I joined the Air Force. I had legal rights over him, but all the nurses and social workers said it was a bad idea. Moving him around all the time. Stability. But Kane never had that. Those people he stayed with promised me they'd treat 'em like his own, get him all the treatment and speech therapy I couldn't afford on my little paycheck. Whenever I could visit him, he wouldn't tell me something was wrong. He seemed distant, but I thought he was just mad at me for leavin' him. He's always been sulky."
"No kidding."
"I found out the truth. The Wilsons forgot about a scheduled meetup I was gonna have with Kane, so I dropped by. No one answered the door, but I happened to see in through a window. Saw that bitch hollering at him through the basement door, place was locked up and down like Fort Knox!"
"How long was he there?"
"A couple years. Three or four, I think. Oh, it hurts me so bad, Lita. Every time I try to help Kane, someone hurts him." He shot her puppy dog eyes. "Please don't be one of them, Lita girl. He's been so happy these last few months. It warms me up inside to see him playin' with my grandbaby."
"Kane is a good father," Lita agreed, nodding.
"I'd never thought I'd see it. He wouldn't even leave the house for years until we needed the money. Worked some security jobs. Night time, you know. I thought, hell, I'm a wrestling manager, and my own son is a giant! Why isn't he in the ring?"
"Right." Lita didn't miss how he left out a lot of the story, particularly how he'd kept his involvement with Taker under wraps from Kane for years and vice versa.
Paul placed a meaty hand on her shoulder. "Lita, my daughter, you've given my son a purpose. Protect him."
"I'll try." Lita didn't meet his searching gaze.
"So happy, he is. Kane is so in love with you and the boy."
She swallowed, her eyes widening. Lita then changed the subject.
"Thank you for showing me this place. I think I…understand Kane a bit better."
"They say you never forget where you came from."
"Where we came from…" Lita whispered.
"Now, lemme show you the family cemetery. It's just down the road."
"Would you happen to have any photos of Kane growing up? Or Susanna? I'm making a scrapbook for Lucien."
Wild relief courses through Lita's veins as she puts on some of her old ring attire, and it fits as it did pre-baby weight. Her hair is red again, and the eyeliner is thick. Standing in front of the mirror, she finally sees herself again. She strikes a wrestling pose, her entrance music playing in her head.
She's utilized workout tapes and their home gym. Lita even has a few sessions with a company trainer to assess where she needs to improve. Before she takes up in-ring action again, Lita volunteers to coach the winner of the Diva Search, a young and eager former model named Christy.
While Christy is much peppier than herself, Christy's enthusiasm speaks to Lita. It's a nice contrast to her year of doubt and fatigue. When she began wrestling herself, the women's division was split between eye candy valets and rather unwelcoming bruisers. She'd been forced to be one of the guys while being expected to be just as sexy as the ladies. It was often a dog eat dog attitude in the locker room. Fortunately, women's wrestling has shifted, allowing her to guide Christy's development.
Christy isn't as tough as she was. She often requires tempering. Lita befriends the young diva, yet she doesn't want the women's division diluted by those who can't actually fight worth a damn. She also doesn't want her own reputation harmed because her name is linked to Christy.
Trish's harassment doesn't lessen, but she does get a taste of her own medicine when Kane chokeslams her after she belittles Lita over the mic. While she doesn't want Kane fighting all her battles, Lita finds herself grinning while she watches Trish's assault on the dressing room monitor. Lita makes her fighting return on a Pay-Per-View, which advertises her as an underdog who has been unfairly kept out of the ring by Kane. The battle is for the women's title, which is held by Trish Stratus. In preparation, she has warmup fights with Victoria and Stacy, winning most of them.
She wants the belt, and she wants to shut Trish up. Lita's also tired of being seen as a victim.
Lita wants to be recognized as a fighter.
Her goal to reclaim the belt takes the backseat when she overhears Trish refer to her son as a freak and other horrible names. Somehow, she finds the restraint to wait until the actual fight to unleash her rage.
Lita runs to the ring, ignoring the huge pop from the audience. The commentary by JR and Lawler goes unheard by her. Her only focus is to destroy Trish for her own reasons.
Trish can barely get a move in. Her chick kick barely stuns Lita, who Irish whips Trish out of the ring, causing her to flop unceremoniously onto the concrete floor. Lita stalks her out of the ring, bringing Trish back to her feet as she fights off her dizziness. Lita sends her back to the ground with a blow to the face from a steel chair next to the annoucer's table.
"My god, King, we've never seen this side of Lita."
"Is this a no-disqualification match? Look at Trish! She's bleeding. Her beautiful face!"
"Normal rules. Look at the refs trying to break up this fight."
Lita isn't done. She tosses the chair aside with a clang. A referee stands in her path, but she struggles against him. Trish straggles back up, leaning against the ring while palming her bloody nose.
"Oh, I think it's broken!" She cries out.
Lita breaks free. She shoves Trish face-first into the turnbuckle. The bell rings, determining Lita to be disqualified, but she doesn't care. Lita goes in for one more attack, pining Trish to the ground. It takes six referees to split them up.
"Never talk about my son again, you fucking bitch," Lita screams, throwing a final uppercut. Trish crumples into a pathetic heap.
JR and Lawler watch the unorthodox match in disbelief.
"I have never seen women fight this brutally," JR commented. "I want to apologize to viewers at home for the graphic images."
The live TV broadcast replays a clip of Trish's bleeding face.
"Trish is busted up, JR. Why would Lita do this?"
"She's Kane's woman. She's married to him. I guess his aggression has rubbed off on Lita here."
"Being married to Kane would make me angry, too."
Lita is escorted away by security staff. Her heart is still racing, but she's content.
Trish retains the belt for now, Lita thinks, but she knows her place now.
To say Kane is impressed by Lita's return would be an understatement. He's wide-eyed as he collects Lita from backstage.
"You brutalized Trish," His voice betrays his shock.
Lita shrugs. "She deserves it."
He grinned widely, ruffling Lita's wild hair. "That's my girl."
She moves her head away from his hand. "I wanted to beat the hell out of her."
"Well, I'd say you did that and then some, Lita."
Kane particularly enjoyed having Lita referred to as his woman. She is in more ways than she realizes.
The two walk to their dressing room.
"It was personal. The belt meant nothing to me. Heard Trish saying these terrible things."
Kane's eyes narrow. "The bitch won't learn, will she?"
"Maybe, maybe not. I'll be there to beat some sense into her if needed."
"What'd she say now?"
Lita shakes her head. "Trish loves to torment me. Has for years. Petty shit."
"It was enough to cause you to break her nose."
Lita meets his eyes. "She talked about our baby, Kane."
His entire body stiffens, head tilting. "She did what?"
"She called Lucien all kinds of terrible things. Called him my little…bastard and a freak. How fucking heartless can someone be? To say that about a baby?" Lita can barely repeat the things Trish had said.
"That's a new low, even for her." Kane's breathing is rampant, each moment processing Lita's report angers him more. "She's lucky you didn't tell me before."
"I've handled it, Kane." Lita holds her hand up.
"I know. You did well out there. You proved yourself, Lita."
Lita hides a smile. "I was pretty in the zone, so it didn't even feel different to me."
"You haven't lost an ounce of strength. She's jealous of what you have, Lita. Trish knows you're coming for her title."
"Oh, hell yes, I am." Lita swoops her hair back into a ponytail she takes out of her duffel bag. "But for right now, I just wanna clean up and see my baby."
Kane snaked an arm around her waist. "Let's go."
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