Chapter 94 - Together Again

Author's Note: What happened with Athea is explained in this chapter. :')

~ Amina Gila

It's the first time Marr has been alone with them since the Clone Wars, since right before Anakin and Obi-Wan went to Coruscant and the war ended, and he can't deny being nervous. "We'll need to figure out where to go from here," Marr begins, because somehow, these conversations seem only ever prompted by him, "But first, I think we should talk."

"About what?" Ahsoka inquires. "We have years of catching up to do, and now is hardly the..."

"Right time?" Marr replies. "No, but if we don't, then when will we? There will always be people to help and matters to attend to."

The others exchange glances. It's unspoken that they want to know what happened to Anakin, but Marr won't straight out ask him. He doubts Anakin would find talking about what happened to him as Vader easy whatsoever.

"To start with," he says, "My new name is Marr. I don't... go by Theseus anymore. I haven't in a long time. It's not who I am anymore. I'm Mandalorian first, Jedi second."

"I do not see how those can fit as one," Obi-Wan replies flatly.

"Luckily, you don't have to," he points out cheerfully, "Unless you and Satine did accidently have a child."

"What?" Obi-Wan squawks most ungracefully. Anakin makes a strange noise, and Ahsoka looks at Marr, wide-eyed.

"Well," Marr defends, "There was this boy there named Krokie who acts way too much like you, and he looks like you, and he called Satine his aunt, and you have to admit I had a legitimate reason for wondering!"

"That is outrageous," he retorts in a desperate (and failed) attempt to regain his dignity. "I would never have a relationship with anyone. I'm loyal to the Code!"

"Hey, I have a legitimate reason for asking!"

"That is insulting," Obi-Wan groused. "How well did you know me if you thought I would do something of that nature?"

"In the maybe young-you's defense, you were a teen," Marr volunteers.

"Don't embarrass him," Ahsoka chides, struggling and failing to hide a smile.

"I see at least one of you has retained some manners," Obi-Wan grumbles.

"I've been wondering for years," Marr complains, "Bo firmly denied it, but I had to make sure."

"I cannot believe this is the only thing you wanted to discuss right now," Obi-Wan grumbles.

"It was a good place to start!" he protests. It was. Really. He had to lighten the mood, because it's too... depressing to think about how they've been apart for so long.

"I agree," Ahsoka says, dryly, "I'd like to know if all of you had children I never got to hear about for years."

"You already know Vizma," Marr replies, "Maybe we should backtrack to the start when we last saw one another." He barely suppresses a sigh when no one speaks. Fine. He can do the talking for them, for now. "Ahsoka and I were on the way back to Coruscant when Order 66 was given out. We escaped with Rex's help."

Something twists inside him sharply. "Rex is still alive, right?" he asks, turning to Ahsoka.

"Yes, he is," she confirms, "He was the only one who made it."

Marr nods, feeling oddly numb. He didn't know Gregor, but he did know Wolffe. Distantly, but still, the fact that he was alive was... relieving. Ahsoka was close with Plo, and they often worked together. The casualties were expected, though. "I stayed on... an out-of-the-way planet for a while. Ahsoka and Rex left to form the Rebellion, hoping to overthrow Sidious." He wonders how she feels about it now. This was what she's been working for since she was seventeen, but it's been years.

"My sister found me there in some of her bounty hunter chaos, and we went back to Mandalore together. Bo and I married, and then... over the years, I studied more of the Dark Side. I trained with Maul for a short time and won the Darksaber from him, and I stayed on Mandalore until the Empire found me. I think you know the rest."

"I was en route to Mandalore when you departed," Anakin says. "You were gone when I arrived."

That was close. And to think all the time Marr spent trying to find Vader, the same seemed to be true in reverse, and they kept missing each other. It worked out, though, so he doesn't mind, even if he can't help wondering what would have happened if he did see Vader there first. "We kept missing each other," Marr comments, "We could have met once on Lothal, too, had I still been there." That time that he'd almost killed the Ghost crew.

"You trained with Maul?" Anakin asks, after another slightly awkward pause of silence. None of them know how to talk to each other anymore, it seems.

"Hey, where else was I supposed to get Dark Side training from?" Marr objects.

"Perhaps no one," Obi-Wan grumbles.

"It gave me what I needed to be where I am now. I don't regret it," Marr replies firmly, "And your opinion is noted, Master. It was a year ago, too."

"Your mother and I were searching for you for a long time," Anakin continues. Something about the way he says it makes him think it was meant to be quiet, soft, so much like how Anakin once used to speak. "We knew you were both alive. I... found Ahsoka's lightsaber. It was... clear who had made the graves. I wanted to find you, except I knew you were safer away from me."

Speaking of his mother... "What happened to her?" he asks, but somewhere deep inside, he thinks he already knows. "I don't remember a lot of the battle."

"She attacked Sidious and set her lightsaber to explode," Ahsoka answers softly, laying a hand on his shoulder. "She was caught in the blast."

She's dead. Gone. Forever this time.

Somehow, he already knew the answer to that, but he still feels... Maybe he let her go years ago because he had no other choice, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It leaves him feeling empty inside, like something was taken away and can never be put back.

"I tried to turn her back," Marr says, once he's sure his voice will come out even, "I don't understand why she... wouldn't, until the very end." If she'd joined them sooner, she could have survived. He doesn't understand it. He wishes he could at least have had the chance to talk to her, one last time.

"Her mind was no longer whole," Anakin replies.

Marr blinks. "What?"

"The Dark Side cannot heal," he replies, "She lost a part of herself when saving her padawan."

Oh.

Marr feels strangely numb with... shock? Horror? He doesn't know. All this time he'd been so upset with her, unable to understand why she turned on him like that, and it wasn't entirely her fault. Not truly. She lost part of herself while saving Caleb's life. No wonder after that she seemed so... off. He knew something seemed wrong with her when he'd sensed her again years later, but he chalked it up to being apart for so many years.

"She claimed to want to destroy Sidious," Ahsoka objects, frowning, "I don't see why she didn't when she had the opportunity."

"She strove for power, as all Dark Siders do," Vader replies. "She would have feigned loyalty to Sidious, if necessary, until he sensed her deception."

"I will never understand you Sith," Obi-Wan grumbles.

"That's for the best. You'd look disturbing with yellow eyes," Marr says – he saw it before, after all, on Mortis, and it had haunted him for a long time afterwards. Not as if it's something to make a joke about, but he's trying and failing to keep the mood light. His mother is... He can't stop thinking about her now.

His mother is... dead, and he doesn't know what to think of that. It doesn't feel real. It's easier not to think about it right now. She died helping them. He'd still given her every chance he could, and now, she's gone. He let go of her long ago, but he still feels a strange aching emptiness inside of him as he thinks of her. Both his parents are dead now. He still has his family, though, and that's what matters. He just wants to be with them and help them recover, too.

"Yes, he does," Obi-Wan agrees dryly, but there's no humor in his voice.

"Are they yellow?" Ahsoka asks uncertainly. "I don't know where you stand in regard to everything."

"I... do not know," Anakin confesses. "It does not matter." He's looking at Marr, as if requesting his permission for what he's supposed to do. He's followed orders blindly for so long, he doesn't know how not to. Does he even know what he wants?

"The Dark Side does grant strength," Marr replies, "But dwelling on darkness endlessly is not the answer, either."

Anakin shifts closer to him, and Marr reaches out to take his hand. His brother reacts immediately, taking Marr's hand in both of his, one mechanical and the other still flesh and blood. "Can you take this off?" Marr asks him quietly.

Something stills around him in the Force. "Under the right circumstances, I can."

He feels discomfort at asking, but he wants to know. "I don't know anything about your condition," he says, "I don't expect you to tell us, but is there a way to... for you to live without this?"

"I can redesign it," Anakin replies, "That is all." Marr can sense how uncomfortable he is.

"Can we see you?" Ahsoka inquires. "I understand if you don't want to. I just..."

BD beeps his agreement, hopping forwards to stand next to Marr.

Anakin hesitates, then pulls back. "Very well," he agrees reluctantly. Marr pushes himself to his feet, swaying slightly. He's still tired, and he feels wrong in some way he can't explain. The full extent of his injury was bad, and the droids did their best, but he's pretty sure at least one of his organs is synthetic now – it would explain the wrongness.

Technically, he didn't give his consent, but Anakin did everything he could to save his life. "I... have never removed it myself before," he confesses, raising a hand to trace it along the edge of his mask, searching for the unlocking mechanism. "And I cannot keep it off for long."

Ahsoka moves forwards to do it herself, her hands nimbly pressing the release on his mask, and it comes off in two pieces – it looks so strange to see the mask of Darth Vader not attached to anyone. It looks... awful. It looks like a torture mask, quite literally, from the inside. Abruptly, he thinks the fearpainangerdesperationhatred he feels on the walls here make so much more sense. Somehow, simply seeing this mask, not attached to Anakin, makes the pain he's endured so much clearer.

Slowly, Marr looks up at his brother again, his vod, seeing his face for the first time in nearly two decades.

And it feels like he can't breathe. This is Anakin, the face that haunted his dreams for so long. It's the face of the person he wanted to save, and who, in turn, saved him.

And his eyes are blue, dimmed, tired, worn, afraid, but they're still blue – the same blue that he remembers so clearly.

Marr knew he would look different... older, but he didn't expect this. He does look older, but he looks the same, only his hair is far shorter, shorter even than when they first met. His skin is pale, but more than that, it's the jagged red lines crisscrossing it that catch his attention. Scars. Lightning scars, many likely years old, layer after layer.

He knew Sidious was horrible, but somehow, he didn't expect it. He doesn't know what he did expect, though.

And almost just as disturbing is the scar across his head – it must have been deep when he got it. It looks like it never healed properly, and it's the one part of him that the lightning scars aren't visible. It looks, quite literally, like someone barely missed taking off his head, and it makes Marr sick to think about. No one should be able to overpower Anakin Skywalker that drastically.

No one.

Even at his best, Marr himself could hardly stand up to him.

He doesn't mean to stare at him – tries not to let his own horror show – but he's not sure how well it's working. Seeing Anakin like this, even beginning to imagine how much he's been through over these years, is...

"Anakin..." Ahsoka breathes, sounding near tears, not unlike how Marr himself is feeling.

Something in Obi-Wan's expression screams of guilt as he eyes the scar on Anakin's head. "Anakin, I – I'm sorry."

Anakin's gaze jumps to him, a tired acceptance in his eyes.

"What?" Marr asks, frowning. He's definitely missing something here, because he doesn't think Obi-Wan is referring to putting him in this suit in the first place.

Anakin and Obi-Wan share another unreadable glance. "The second time we fought," Obi-Wan begins, "I... injured him again."

He's saying he did that to Anakin?! That he – nearly cut his head in half. And, that time, there was nothing accidental about what he did. It makes sense, Marr thinks, past his mounting horror and anger because he doesn't know who else could throw Vader off-balance enough for someone else to win a fight like that.

"You did that?!" Ahsoka demands, voice rising.

"I do not... blame you for injuring me," Anakin says. It's so jarring to hear this in his voice – he sounds like how Marr remembers instead of like Vader, and that makes it hurt even worse. "I only believed you merciful enough to end my life or stay with me."

Marr looks at Ahsoka, only because he can't bare looking at the others right now – hearing this is... sickening. Every bit of the horror and anger he feels is reflected in her eyes, though Marr knows it's not fair to blame Obi-Wan for everything.

"How could I end your life when you looked just like my padawan?" Obi-Wan asks, his pain visible. "I knew what you were doing. I could not stay there."

"You're both stupid," Marr declares flatly, only to avoid everyone present – probably including BD, who's watching and looking highly traumatized – from having a breakdown. "You spend years missing each other, and the first thing you do when you see each other again is try to kill each other?"

"I distinctly remember you saying that in our last discussion," Anakin replies, the faintest hint of amusement in his expression.

The familiarity of it hurts, like the lightsaber his mother ran through him, burning through his heart. He shoves the half of Anakin's mask he's holding towards him to try covering it up. "Put this back on before you suffocate, then, idiot."

Somehow, the flare of amusement he senses in the Force makes it worse. Marr loathes having to let Anakin put it back on, but there's no other choice right now. It will have to stay like this for a while. Anakin seems to feel better after they help get his mask back on, and Marr is even more disturbed by that, but he shouldn't be so surprised. Anakin has lived in this nightmare for years. It's going to take him time to let go.

Ahsoka hasn't said anything, and Anakin clearly noticed that, seeing how he turns to lay a hand on her shoulder. He doesn't say anything. Doesn't need to.

Marr and Ahsoka move closer at once, wrapping their arms around him. Anakin responds in kind, pulling them closer. He seems... uncertain, and Marr wishes he knew why, but he doubts it'll be easy to get Anakin to feel comfortable with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka here. Anakin, quite rightfully, believes they both abandoned him, and even if he doesn't hold it against them, he's going to be highly reluctant to trust them.

But for now, Marr won't ruin this moment. He only wishes their presence would be enough to heal some of the damage Sidious and everyone else did to his brother – his brother, who had always been there for him and for everyone. It's so unfair that this happened to him. Anakin had always been so loyal. It's unfair he was never given the same. To lighten the conversation, Marr searches for something he would have said back when he was still... Theseus. "I promise not to poke any of those very pokable buttons," he offers.

"You truly haven't changed," Anakin muses, amusement tinging his voice.

"Your hugs haven't changed, either," Ahsoka replies, dropping her head on his shoulder, "And Obi-Wan, I still want to know why you did that."

"I thought I had to finish it," he answers, something distinctly uncomfortable in his tone. He doesn't like thinking about it, Marr's sure, especially not when he sees Anakin as Anakin right in front of him now.

"But you had the chance, and you didn't," Ahsoka accuses.

"I couldn't."

He tries to let go of his anger, because really, it's the past, and it will change nothing. "Then I think we can decide that you both still love each other and always have, whether you believe you should or not, so I hope we can... improve this. It may not be easy, but... we have to start somewhere."

He can sense the other's agreement, even if they don't say anything, and that's something. Which reminds him... "Where's Master Yoda?"

"He disappeared," Anakin replies.

"I honestly can't tell if you're joking or not," Marr says, raising an eyebrow. Something twists uneasily in him, though. He has the feeling...

"I am not."

"He suddenly sat down on the floor in front of Sidious and then disappeared," Ahsoka replies, her tone betraying how bizarre she finds it.

"He became one with the Force," Obi-Wan interjects.

He's gone. Somehow, Marr already thought as much. He's been without Yoda and the Order for so many years, it's not as jarring as it would be otherwise, but it's still... He can't believe he's dead. "Why would he disappear?" Marr objects.

"He became a Force ghost – retaining his consciousness after death. Qui-Gon appeared to us and taught us how to do it."

...What?!

"You saw Qui-Gon?" Anakin exclaims.

"I have spoken with him... frequently."

"I didn't even know that was possible," Ahsoka agrees.

"We learn new things about the Force all the time," Marr offers lightly, though he's feeling a little mind-blown himself. This is his grandmaster after all, the first Jedi killed by a Sith in a thousand years, and apparently, he's... still around? He even used his lightsaber for a time, so many years ago.

"I didn't either, until he began speaking with Yoda after everything... fell apart," Obi-Wan replies, "He says that he has always been watching us."

"I have sensed him," Anakin says, slowly.

"You have?" Marr asks, surprised, "When?"

"I always have."

"What?" Obi-Wan demands, "Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this?"

"You taught me it was impossible," Anakin responds, "I didn't know if you would believe me."

"At the time, I probably would not have," he concedes grudgingly.

"I suppose this isn't much different than how I've been talking to Revan all these years," Marr interjects.

"You were?" Anakin asks.

"That explains your fascination with the Sith," Obi-Wan complains.

"Do you have to say that every time I bring this up?"

"He helped him," Ahsoka points out, "We couldn't have done this without his help, too."

Which reminds Marr that he really should talk to him again, to thank him if nothing else, for the guidance he's given him all these years. Until then, there are a few other important things to get out of the way.

**w**

Anakin feels marginally better after his conversations with the others, but he doesn't know how to handle any of this anymore. His entire life has been with Sidious from the time he left Tatooine in some form or another. Now, Sidious is gone. Yoda is dead – apparently, that's possible too, maybe – and the First Sister is gone, and the Empire falls to him now. He doesn't know how to handle it. He doesn't know where he stands, either.

He couldn't save his mother. He couldn't save Padme. But somehow, he saved Marr, and that leaves him feeling oddly... peaceful. Accepting. Apparently, he can still do some good.

The Senate is gone, which means that role has fallen on the regional governors. Considering the chaos, Anakin quite honestly has no idea what to do – he ordered they set up something in the Imperial Palace to be temporarily converted into something that can take the place of the destroyed Senate building. That will take time though. In the meantime, calling a temporary ceasefire is... well. Complicated. He's grateful to have another moment alone with Marr now.

"I would like to teach you what I know about balance," Marr says.

That is not a thing he could ever refuse, either as his time as Anakin or Vader. He wants this, though, wants it because Marr wants him to. He doesn't need any other reason.

"Drawing on Dark Side doesn't mean letting it consume you. It doesn't mean drowning yourself in it or allowing your anger to control you forever. It's emotions, whether light or dark in nature. Light and Dark are no different for us than for non-Force-users, only we have the power to act on it." Marr sighs softly, and Anakin suspects he might be looking for something, but he doesn't know what. Seeing him without being tinted red was... he hadn't seen him in years, outside of dreams, and it was... it reminded him of times long gone. "When we embrace the Dark Side, it's when we let our emotions – our darkness – consume us. We act on it, and instead of pulling back, stopping ourselves from hurting others, we act on our darkest emotions. It becomes a... habit, eventually, one hard to break."

Anakin knew that. He knew exactly what he was doing when he first fully accepted the Dark Side, on Mustafar, when he was fighting Obi-Wan – and he didn't want to, but he also did, because his master had hurt him so much for years. He wanted to hurt him, and he was too afraid of facing his master's wrath to do anything except give into it and keep fighting. And he didn't want to die yet. Not... when Padme still needed him.

"I know," he replies, "And it gave me the strength I needed to survive."

"I know," Marr replies softly. "I don't know what Sidious did to you, and I won't ask. I'll be here if you want to talk about it, but if this place is anything to go by, it says enough. Letting go will not be easy but holding onto that darkness will only hurt others."

"It was that which fueled me," he admits. Somehow, it's so much easier talking to Marr than the others. "I saw others... whole, knowing I destroyed all chance of being the same."

Marr leans over, laying his hand on Anakin's knee. "You were in pain, and he used that against you. It was no fault of your own. I know you know, even if you don't want to accept it. It's never easy to know you've been used."

Used, like a tool. That's all he ever was, though. "It was my choice," he argues. "I knew... differently."

"It's not easy to be a beacon of light when no one around you helps you do it," Marr replies, "No one can do it for long. Not even you. And I'm pretty sure laws are somewhat less harsh towards people who take such actions when they're under severe threat of physical harm."

"I could have resisted him," Anakin argues, "I knew better."

"Don't do this to yourself," he requests. "No, it's not my place to forgive you, but if hurting someone for hurting you isn't the answer, it's as true about yourself as it is for anyone else. We always knew there would be... shortcomings, failing in becoming Jedi. There will always be people who die to keep order. That was something the Jedi taught you, and it may work, sometimes, but we forget those in need. We cannot truly understand the importance of... being a Jedi and bringing peace unless we understand family. We don't know what others are risking, what we're trying to protect unless we've lived in it. I guess what I mean to say is, the disconnection between you and... commoners was caused by being a Jedi. It was of no fault of your own, and it was that which led you to... everything afterwards."

"I betrayed the Jedi," he replies, tiredly – he doesn't know why he's arguing with Marr about this. He's grateful that Marr thinks this of him, but that doesn't decrease the enormity of his deeds.

"Yes, but you're here now. That's what matters, and you forgave Ahsoka, even for the role she played in everything that happened. You even forgave Obi-Wan. Mostly. I think. Anyway, this wasn't all your doing, Anakin. You can't save everyone. You don't have to."

It reminds him of words spoken a lifetime ago, back when he didn't fully understand. Reminds him of the black-haired youngling he used to know, right after he became a Knight. "You don't have to be," she had said, when he told her everything, and he didn't understand what she meant. Now, he thinks he does. Years too late – if he'd listened to Mill Alibeth then, years ago, perhaps... No. This happened because it was meant to, and that's what Marr means, isn't it?

"I want to help you get through this," Marr adds.

"I do not know what we will do now." He's never had someone offer him help like that before – he hardly knows how to react to it. All he knows is that he feels so lost, and he doesn't know where to begin moving on from here.

"I don't either," Marr admits, "But we can figure it out together. If you ever want to talk about anything, I'll be here."

Something tightens sharply inside him, and he nods. It's all he can do. "I have not been accustomed to wants in a long time." It makes him feel human again, and he didn't know how much he was lacking that. He wanted to repay this, somehow, and he's doing it the only way he can. "Your mother's crystal," Anakin says, holding it out to Marr, "It was all that remained."

He still doesn't know how to feel that the First Sister is dead. They were hardly close, but she was the only familiar person he worked with for years, other than Sidious. They had something between them, something he can't really name.

Marr reaches over, taking it, expression solemn as he turns it over in his hands. It still feels like her, past the part that cries from being bled. "Thank you, Anakin."

"It was the least I could do."

"You already did so much for me. You saved me from losing myself to the Dark Side once, too. This is the least I can do."

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