Byleth sighed as he stared up at the moon in the night sky with tired eyes. Since entering Leicester territory the group was able to switch back from travelling at night to during the day. While the Ashen Wolves managed to get some sleep, Byleth could not, no matter how much he wanted to. The events of the Bridge of Myrddin kept running through his head. Fighting against Ferdinand, healing Ignatz, saving Leonie, killing Those Who Slither in the Dark. But most of all he thought back to seeing Edelgard again.

He froze. How could he let himself freeze up like that? He thought he was better than that. He was the one that was always supposed to be in control of himself. He was the one that was supposed to switch off his emotion with the snap of his fingers and let his cold and sometimes cruel logic take over and lead him to victory. It was what kept him alive fighting alongside his father for many years. But ever since he came to Garreg Mach Monastery. Ever since he became a teacher to students close to his age. Everything change. He found it harder to switch his emotions off. He found his emotions and feelings get in the way of everything.

He ran his hand through his light green hair. He remembered a time when his father's mercenary group worked alongside another group of mercenaries on a mission. It was actually in Leicester at Fódlan's Locket. The Lord that ruled over the fortress needed reinforcements from an Almyran attack. The two mercenary companies worked well together. After the attack when the Almyrans were pushed back, the two spent the evening drinking and laughing together. Byleth was fourteen at the time but was already skilled enough with a blade to be a formidable opponent. There was a girl only a year older than him in the other mercenary company who seemed to like him. They talked, drank together, and she promised to fight side by side with him again.

A few months later their companies would be against each other in a battle. And Byleth fought and killed her without hesitation when they crossed blades. He never thought twice about it. She was the enemy. Therefore she had to die. It was then that the title Ashen Demon started to stick with him. Things were so much simpler back then. Nobody could hurt him. He never opened himself up to anyone for them to get the chance to. But then he went to Garreg Mach Monastery. Where everything changed.

In the past, he would have had no problem killing Ferdinand. No Goddess would have halted his blade from putting Ignatz out of his misery. He certainly wouldn't have hesitated in killing Edelgard as he promised. The one he opened himself up to the most. The one who hurt him the most.

"Damn it..." Byleth muttered as he started scratching his head in frustration. Why did he let himself become so weak? Why did he allow himself to care? Why did he make life so much harder for himself? WHY DID-

"Hey... can't sleep?" a hushed but sharp voice called out to him. He let out a sigh and lowered his hands.

"Don't worry about it. I'll sleep eventually. I won't slow you down," Byleth muttered, resting his arms on his knees. He heard her get up and sit down beside him.

"It's not you slowing us down that has me worried," Constance turned her head to Byleth. She bit her lower lip and looked uncomfortable. As if she was afraid of what he would say.

"Come on Constance, what's on your mind?" Byleth asked as he looked up to the moon.

"...Yuri told us that you saw... Edelgard," she finally spoke. Byleth had a feeling that's what she was going to bring up. He didn't want to have this conversation right now. "I just... wanted to know how you were holding up after that?"

"I broke my promise, Constance. I said I was going to kill her the next time I saw her and I just froze..." he sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. "I froze and if it weren't for Yuri I would have been killed by Bernadetta's arrow. The girl I trained to be one of the best snipers I have ever seen and she would have killed me."

"The irony is not lost on me there Hmhmhm," Constance quietly chuckled at that.

"I swore I would kill all that was linked to my father's death I froze at the sight of her," Byleth forced out quietly with gritted teeth.

"Well, you did manage to kill more of those black-robed people. Those dark slitherers," Constance shrugged her shoulders with a small smile.

"If I went through with it the Empire would have retreated. We wouldn't have had to cut down those Alliance soldiers who got cursed. Why couldn't I just end her?" Byleth clenched his hands above his knees.

Constance was quiet for a moment, then she dropped her smile before she let out a sigh. "Isn't it obvious? You still care for her."

"How could I after what she's been connected to?" Byleth shook his head. He wouldn't allow himself to believe that. He felt as if it was an insult to those he had failed.

"...The heart wants what it wants," Constance pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

"The war will continue and more people will die because I'm weak," Byleth shook his head again.

Constance quickly turned her head back to him with a frown. "No, you're not."

"I am weak. I let emotions get the better of me. It's all I've been doing since I became a professor," Byleth snapped back at her. He really did not want to have this conversation with her.

"You are not weak Byleth," Her frown deepened. "Having emotions is not a weakness."

"I was able to slaughter hundreds of people without hesitation. I was able to continue with my life guilt-free. Emotions have clouded my judgement and have only made things worse for everyone around me. Hell, I let my anger take over in Remire five years ago and it cost many lives," Byleth ran his hands through his hair again. Remembering seeing half of his student's bloodied faces and vacant stares as the village burned around him.

"I heard a lot of villagers lost their lives that day. But you saved most of the population of the village too. You cannot focus on the bad when you've done more good," Constance gripped his shoulder and gave him a shake. Byleth shook his head and turned his head away from her.

"You don't understand..." Byleth sighed in frustration.

"Then make me understand! You hardly speak at all about yourself! We all can see that you are bottling up so much stuff! Why can't you see that we're all here for you? Trust us!" Constance pleaded as she turned his face back to her. Suddenly a snorting sound erupted not too far behind them. They both quickly turned to see Balthus turn in his sleep and went back to snoring. The two took a moment to calm themselves so as not to wake the others again.

"Whenever I felt lost... or needed to talk to someone... I would speak to my father," Byleth finally said. Constance quickly looked back to Byleth, listening intently. "He was the only one that could snap me out of it and set me straight. He never thought he was a good father most of the time... but he always knew the right thing to say to me. He was someone I could always trust."

Byleth looked back up to the night sky. "When he died... I lost the only person I could trust. But then Edelgard was there... She told me I could trust her. She told me she cared. She held me. And for a moment... I believed her."

The two were silent. A small breeze passed over them, blowing Byleth's green hair and Constance's blonde locks. "The truth is I'm scared to trust again Constance... I'm scared of being hurt like that again. Ever since I started to... feel... I've..." Byleth tried to find the words but couldn't. He let out another frustrated sigh and rubbed his eyes. "Sometimes I feel like life would have been easier if I never went to Garreg Mach. That I remained the emotionless Ashen Demon."

"...For a Professor, you are an imbecile Byleth," Constance's sharp voice cut through the silence like a blade. Byleth turned to see her staring out at the night sky also. "With all of this talk of negative feelings you've been having, you seemed to forget that there are also positive feelings too."

Constance got up and knelt in front of Byleth. "I remember the smiles you had when your class was happy together. I remember how you cheered for joy when you won Flayn's fishing contest. Then how you laughed and smiled along with the other students when Caspar slipped and a fish landed on his face, slapping him senseless. The good comes with the bad Byleth. We experience such exquisite beauty and devastating melancholy. It all comes in one package. But do you know what it makes us?"

Byleth shook his head as he looked into Constance's blue eyes. She smiled and rested her hand on his cheek. "It makes us human Byleth. And you are not a demon, no matter how much you think you are. What's important is that humans should not have to feel alone when they are hurting emotionally."

She let her hand fall from his face and looked down at the grass-covered ground she knelt on. Her smile fell from her face. "So... I hope one day... you can trust me... to confide your emotions to me. Just as much as I trust you Byleth."

And with that, she stood up and went back to her bedroll, leaving Byleth alone with his thoughts. Was it really that simple? To explain all the pain he felt in his heart as being human? That it was normal? He couldn't say for certain right now. But left alone with his thoughts once more, he was reminded of another pain in his heart. The loneliness he felt that no one would ever understand. The pain of not hearing Sothis chastise him or start a conversation when he was by himself. He knew that the pain of missing Sothis in his mind wasn't normal for a human. But if he wasn't human, or an emotionless demon, then what was he?

Byleth did not get any sleep for the rest of the night.

88888888

Ferdinand walked the gardens of the Varley estate in the early morning. He had a restless night in one of the tents put up for the Empire's forces. He was offered a room inside the manor but he turned it down. Choosing to remain far from the luxury he felt he didn't deserve. When he realised he wasn't going to get any more sleep he got up and went on a stroll to collect his thoughts. Currently, his thoughts were on Byleth. What was he doing at Myrddin? What was he doing for the past five years? Was he in the Leicester Alliance? Why did the professor spare him after he tried to kill him? Byleth's words continued to echo in his mind. That he should be the noble his professor believed him to be. But with this war, Ferdinand wondered if it was too late for him. He was complicit in Edelgard's conquest. Despite how much he argued against his Emperor's plans it seemed that all his words fell on deaf ears.

He looked down upon purple flowers growing from the soil. The sweet aroma filled the area around him. Ferdinand found some comfort in wandering the gardens. For a long time, he stayed in Garreg Mach Monastery which still had rubble lying on the ground from their attack. Then when he rode out on missions it was to visit the war-torn lands or fight on the front lines. Here in the Varley estate, it was untouched by the war. A small pocket where the bloodshed and destruction had not disturbed the serenity. It reminded him of a time when he was drinking tea with the professor. It brought a smile to his face.

88888888

"I hope you find this blend satisfactory Professor. You must forgive me but I do not recall what your favourite tea leaves were," Ferdinand chuckled as he crossed his legs with a raised tea cup.

"I don't think I even have a favourite yet, Ferdinand," Byleth answered as he sipped from his teacup. The two sat at a table in one of the gardens within Garreg Mach Monastery. Ferdinand had invited Byleth for a drink after class one day and with nothing else to do for the day, he accepted. The sun was high and the two found a free table in the corner near the hedges.

"Then allow me to assist you in finding your favourite," Ferdinand happily suggested with a big smile.

"That's... quite all right," Byleth waved his hand as he politely declined. "More importantly, how are you doing among your peers?"

"My peers? Well, Caspar and I spar occasionally. His charge in the first approach has been quite helpful in practising some of the techniques you have taught me, Professor," He nodded his head with a smile. "Linhardt makes a perfect study buddy... though that's when he's invested in the topic and not napping."

"As expected from him," Byleth sighed and took a sip from his tea. "And what of Bernadetta in particular?"

"Ah... that," Ferdinand smiled almost sheepishly. He did not know Byleth saw the time when he approached Bernadetta with the hopes to help her beat her reclusive nature. Only to be suddenly flipped over her shoulder and slammed into the ground. "Well actually, things have improved greatly."

"Really?" Byleth raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yes. I went to her room door and apologised for my actions. She has forgiven me thankfully and also apologised. The door separating us seemed to make things easier for her to talk back to me. But you have nothing to worry about Professor, we have arranged a time for us to have tea soon," Ferdinand nodded his head proudly as he sipped his tea.

"Well I'm happy to hear it," Byleth nodded his head. "There are not many nobles that I know of who would continue to pursue a friendship with someone after they dropped them like a sack of potatoes."

Ferdinand suddenly choked on his tea. "Professor please! We don't need to linger on such memories now." He grabbed a napkin and patted it around his mouth. "Besides, I was in the wrong. I let myself down that day and I had to fix my failures."

"Because of the Noble rank?" Byleth put his teacup down on the table and crossed his arms. He turned to Ferdinand and narrowed his eyes, giving his student his undivided attention.

"Well... while it is expected for me to act properly due to my rank that is not the reason I do it," Ferdinand also put his teacup down, sensing the shift in conversation. "It is my belief that being a noble is not because of privilege or rank or what crest people bear. But to be the best you can be as you help those that you have the power to help. To have a noble heart."

Byleth continued to stare at Ferdinand as he explained himself. He made sure to keep his expression neutral so as not to show him what he was thinking.

"If I achieve the goal of being a better man today than I was yesterday. Then I will be on my way to showing the world what being a noble should truly be," Ferdinand finished as he stared back at his professor with determination. The table was silent for a moment, which left Ferdinand a little nervous as to what Byleth was thinking.

Byleth then extended his hand out towards Ferdinand with a small smile on his face. "You are a good man Ferdinand."

The student felt a wave of relief pass over him as he took the Professor's hand and shook it. "I try my best to be sir."

The two released each other's hands and picked up their tea cups once more. Byleth was satisfied. Ferdinand would grow to be a true role model for others to follow. Sure sometimes his mouth got him into misunderstandings. But if he strived for self-improvement each day, then he'll overcome all the challenges before him.

"Professor... When you look at me, do you see anything that would remind you of a bee?" Ferdinand suddenly asked.

"...What?"

88888888

To be a better man than he was yesterday. That was his dream, right? What was within his power right now that would improve his actions from yesterday? Ferdinand thought about how he was too distracted by Edelgard's lack of action for the loss of morale. What stopped him from trying to do just that in her stead? Perhaps he could have a word with the Varley kitchen staff to cook up a fulfilling breakfast for the men and women. With his mind made up Ferdinand turned around and made his way back towards the manor.

Suddenly he heard a splash of water on the other side of the hedges nearby. As he paused to hear what it could have been he then heard the unmistakable sounds of someone sobbing. Now concerned for whoever was in distress he quickly followed around the hedges to investigate. As he turned the corner he saw a round fountain with a steady stream of water coming out of a statue's pot, pouring into the pond below. The sounds of the splashing however was Dorothea swilling her hands through the water and scratching them furiously.

"Dorothea? What's wrong?" Ferdinand began to approach her slowly.

"I can't get it off... I-I can't..." she muttered to herself, a sob breaking up her words.

"Dorothea, what's going on?" Ferdinand raced to her and knelt at her side. He watched as she clawed at her own hands, making them red raw as tears fell from her tired eyes. She looked like she hadn't had any sleep last night.

"I can't get the blood off my hands! I can't get their blood off my hands!" she shouted as she continued to claw at the back of her hand. She almost didn't register Ferdinand kneeling beside her as she was too engrossed in her desperate attempts to clean the blood off.

But Ferdinand could not see any blood on her hands or in the fountain. They were as clean as they were last night. But there would be blood if he didn't stop her.

"There is no blood Dorothea. Please that's enough!" he grabbed her wrists and pulled them from the fountain and kept them apart from each other.

"Let go of me! Let go!" She shouted as she pulled and fought against his grip. She tried to slam her fists into his chest but Ferdinand's grip was too strong. For he did not want her to harm herself any further.

"I'm sorry Dorothea, but I won't let you hurt yourself any further," Ferdinand spoke calmly as he finally pulled her hands to his chest and held them there until she stopped fighting against him. Dorothea desperately tried to pull her hands away but eventually, the strength sapped away from her. She stopped trying to pull away and grabbed a hold of his jacket instead, her body falling forward towards him. Dorothea continued to cry as her forehead pressed against his chest, her tears dampening his clothes. But Ferdinand didn't care. He let go of her wrists and wrapped his arms around her back and held her close. He let out a sigh as he gently swayed side to side as Dorothea continued to cry against him.

She couldn't sleep at all. Every time she closed her eyes she was back at Myrddin with all the dead around her. The fresh blood was still on her hands. She would have lost herself there and then if Bernadetta didn't come out of nowhere hugging her. She was able to keep it together through the journey to Varley but she was exhausted. She was tired of it all. Tired of the war. Tired of the fighting. Tired of the bodies that she continued to pile up through the war. She wanted it to end. To get the blood off her hands. But now, in the arms of Ferdinand, the visions of war vanished. The cries of agony and death were replaced with the sound of running water and birds chirping. The cold winds of loneliness were replaced by the warmth of Ferdinand's body and arms.

They stayed like that for several minutes until she finally calmed down. Once she stopped crying she gently pulled away from him.

"I'm sorry..." she apologised, keeping her head down as she leaned the side of her body against the fountain's edge.

"Don't be," Ferdinand shook his head. "There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do about this damned war."

"I... don't think I can continue. I don't think I can fight any more. It's too much... I... I wasn't meant to be a soldier," Dorothea clenched her fists tightly as she pressed them into her thighs. "I was supposed to find a young nobleman that would look after me for the rest of my life! Why am I doing this? Fighting again and again and again... At the start, I wanted to support Edie. But now it all seems..."

"Senseless," Ferdinand finished for her. She finally looked up at him to see him looking into the fountain with a frown. "As if our original purpose for fighting has been lost over the years."

The two sat in silence, both thinking about what they wanted or no longer wanted to do. Until Dorothea eventually spoke. "What do we do now?"

Ferdinand looked over at her again. Her emerald-coloured eyes were red from the tears and the signs of tired bags beginning to form under them. Her hair in some places still looked as if she just came out of bed. He gave her a small smile before raising to his feet and offering her a hand. "Right now, I think we should refresh ourselves with a nice cup of tea."

Dorothea looked up at Ferdinand as the rising sun gave a pleasing aesthetic glow around him. She quickly turned her head away from him. She would not fall prey to his noble charms. No matter how much she's warmed up to him over the years. She still remembered what he did all those years ago in Enbarr. Though she did not look at him, she raised her hand and placed it in his. "Fine then. I suppose a cup of tea sounds good."

Ferdinand's smile grew as he pulled her to her feet and they began to leave the gardens. They walked along the stone path alongside the gardens, content in the silence between them. It was due to this silence that they were able to hear another conversation nearby.

"You are sure he's in the Leicester Alliance?" they heard one voice speak.

"Yes, my Lord. There is nowhere else he would have gone if he went past Acheron," another replied. Both Ferdinand and Dorothea looked at one another before quietly moving in the direction of the conversation. They hid behind tall hedges and peered around the corner. Standing in the gardens next to a gazebo was Lord Arundel and one of his dark mages.

"The loss of Acheron is a minor inconvenience. While the attack was a failure due to Byleth Eisner, we will twist it into a warning to the other Lords of the Alliance. Lord Gloucester is among the side that supports the Emperor and is strongly against the Riegan boy. If we win him over we could use him to our advantage," Arundel pondered out loud, pinching the tip of his facial hair.

"What are your orders my lord?" the dark mage asked with a bow.

"Head for the Alliance and inform our agents there that the Fell Star has made his presence known. Use the Lords in support of Edelgard there to show their loyalty in finding and killing Byleth Eisner. They will be rewarded handsomely if they present his head to the Empire," Arundel gave his order. Ferdinand and Dorothea looked at each other in shock. Did Edelgard know about this? Were they acting on her behalf?

"It will be done," the dark mage then disappeared with a flash of light, just as they did six years ago. Things just got a lot more complicated than Ferdinand and Dorothea had thought they would. Technically Byleth was their enemy as he was against Edelgard and Those who Slither in the Dark. But the thought of their former professor meeting his end was unthinkable to them. Knowing that they risked getting spotted by Arundel, the two Black Eagles quickly made their swift exit from the gardens. However unknown to them, someone was hiding within the shadows of the Varley manor. Someone who watched them spy on Lord Arundel and flee the scene.

"Hmm, most curious," Hubert whispered to himself with his trademark sinister smile.

And that's another chapter done! A lot of self-reflection going on between our characters. What will the future hold for them?

Not much else to say other than I'm still slowly updating old chapters to fix obvious mistakes in spelling and grammar I missed. Hope you are still enjoying the story!