January 2005
Audrey and Jack were out to lunch with Secretary Heller on the first work day of the new year. They were supposed to be meeting with a defense contractor but something had come up at the last minute that caused the contractor to cancel, leaving them to enjoy a nice lunch, just the three of them. They shared updates of their holidays, the conversation always flowing easily with the three of them.
However, when Audrey was telling about how she spent New Year's with her friends, which Jack of course already knew about since he was there as well, Heller asked a question that threw off the entire conversation.
"And, how did your visit go with Paul?" Heller asked.
Audrey's face immediately contorted into confusion, but also turned red, knowing how that question would sound to Jack. She glanced at Jack quickly who was pretending to be focusing on his water glass. Jack had looked at Audrey a second after Heller's question, surprised, but then diverted his eyes not wanting Heller or Audrey to catch on that he was upset by the thought of Audrey meeting with Paul. Jack silently cursed himself for constantly forgetting that she was married. But, he thought that she wasn't seeing him and that she would have told him if she was. He tried to convince himself that it didn't bother him, as he knew that Audrey going back to her husband was always a possibility, but he realized now that he would be disappointed if she did.
"What are you talking about?" Audrey asked, a slightly bitter tone in her voice.
"Paul was in town this weekend," Heller informed her. "I assumed to talk with you."
Audrey shook her head. "No. I had no idea he was in town."
Jack looked at Audrey again and could tell that she was being truthful. Audrey was still upset with her father for bringing up Paul at all. Yes, he didn't know that she and Jack were together but they had never spoken about Paul in front of Jack or any of their other coworkers before.
"Well, he might still be around this week. You should call him," Heller suggested.
Audrey grumbled an excuse to go to the bathroom, hoping that when she returned the conversation would be on any other topic. She felt terrible for Jack. The last thing she wanted was for him to have to hear any reference to the fact that she was married. Honestly, most days she herself even forgot about Paul. Audrey worried that Jack wouldn't believe that she hadn't spoken to Paul and that he would be suspicious that she was thinking of rekindling things with Paul. She wasn't sure how she could convince him that she was definitely not thinking of, speaking to, or interacting with Paul in any way. She just had to hope that he believed her. Audrey sighed and went back to the table, happy to hear that the conversation had moved along.
That night, Jack went to Audrey's townhouse with his change of clothes for the following day. When Audrey let him in, he kissed her forehead and brought his clothes to the bedroom before joining Audrey in the kitchen to help with dinner. Audrey was facing the counter, cutting vegetables, and Jack wrapped his arm around her waist and used his other hand to move her hair to one side so he could place a soft kiss on her neck.
Audrey smiled and melted into him, still worried about the inevitable fight that would ensue about Paul. She was anxious to get the conversation over with, having been worried since lunch. Audrey put down the paring knife she was holding and turned in Jack's arms. Jack pulled her in for a kiss. She felt no hesitation in the kiss. Nor did it feel like he was kissing her too hard as if to prove something to her. The kiss was completely normal. Amazing, but normal for them. She pulled out of the kiss and looked at him confused.
"What?" Jack asked as he saw her expression.
"You just don't seem upset," Audrey commented.
"Why would I be upset?" Jack asked, genuinely confused.
Audrey bit her lip. "Look, about what my father said earlier. I swear I haven't spoken to-"
"I know," Jack nodded.
"You do?"
"I mean, yeah," Jack assured her, unsure of why she thought he'd need more clarification. She had said she hadn't spoken to Paul and he believed her.
"Because I haven't," Audrey insisted. "I don't know what possessed my father to bring that up in front of you."
"It's really okay, Audrey," Jack promised, sensing that she was feeling anxious. "I was surprised at first but then you said you didn't see him. I believe you. Besides, it's not like I can really say anything about it if you did see him. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd be disappointed, but he's your husband. You have every right to see him if you want to."
"I don't," Audrey interrupted. "I'm really happy with you. I want to be with you."
Jack smiled, happy to know that she felt the same way he did. Jack kissed her again and then they continued to make dinner. After dinner they relaxed on the couch, Jack holding Audrey in his arms.
"Jack?" Audrey asked, breaking a silence that had fallen over them as they got comfortable.
"What?" Jack asked, holding her a little tighter.
"So, we're really okay?"
"Audrey," Jack said, unsure of why this was still a conversation. "Yes. We're fine. Why are you so worried? It really wasn't a big deal."
Audrey nodded and Jack felt her relax in his arms. "I know. You're right. It wasn't. I guess I'm just not used to this. Sorry."
"Not used to what?" Jack asked curiously.
"Small, insignificant things not having to lead to arguments," Audrey answered. Jack looked at Audrey, urging her to clarify further if she wanted to. "It's just that, with Paul, I felt like I constantly was defending myself to him. If any man was brought up in conversation in front of Paul he'd freak out, convinced that I must be cheating on him. Or, if a guy checked me out or even if I hugged Brian or Logan. We'd fight and it would always feel like he was trying to catch me in a lie despite the fact that I wasn't hiding anything."
"Sounds like Paul's insecure," Jack commented.
Audrey nodded.
"I trust you, Audrey," Jack assured her. He thought it was strange how much he truly trusted her when he had convinced himself to never trust anybody completely after Nina. He had always had his guard up but now he realized that his guard was completely down with Audrey. He felt that he truly knew and understood her. The thought of that made him feel both naïve but also excited at the same time. This feeling of trust with Audrey was something that he had been needing.
Audrey smiled and kissed him. "I trust you too, Jack."
Jack and Audrey were cuddled up on the couch on a Saturday night in front of the fireplace reading their books. At least, Jack was reading. Audrey had her book in front of her but her focus was on Jack's forearm, finding that it was positioned at the perfect angle wrapped around her for her to examine his tattoo. It was pretty detailed and Audrey felt that she never truly got to look at it for too long since Jack would usually reposition to hide it from view.
She still wondered about this tattoo. It obviously would have taken a while to complete this tattoo and she couldn't imagine Jack being enthusiastic enough about it to wait so long. The tattoo was religious, and yet, Audrey had figured out that Jack was not particularly devout to any specific religion.
"You okay? You haven't turned the page in a while," Jack noticed, looking up from his book.
Audrey turned to face him. "Can I ask you something?"
Jack nodded.
"What's the tattoo on your arm?" Audrey asked.
Jack shifted nervously. "Lady of Guadalupe. The Virgin Mary."
"I know that," Audrey said, rolling her eyes. "I mean, why do you have the Virgin Mary tattooed on your arm?"
Jack stiffened. "It was how I proved loyalty to the Salazar's when I was undercover in Mexico."
"Oh," Audrey said. "That sucks that you had to do that to maintain your cover. A permanent tattoo that you didn't even get to choose."
Jack looked away from her. "That was the easiest thing I had to do."
Audrey looked at Jack who was avoiding her eye contact and remembered. That had been the mission that he had developed a heroin addiction. She had read about it in his file back when she had found him for the open position at DOD but had forgotten the details until now. "Oh, right. Sorry, Jack."
"Don't apologize," Jack insisted, not wanting her to feel badly for bringing up his past. He knew he would have to open up to her about aspects of his past if he wanted this to work. It helped that she had read his file and already knew about his addiction. Having to speak the words out loud that he had used heroin seemed impossible to him. He could imagine the judgmental face, the disappointment that would come with revealing that part of his past to someone who didn't already know. Audrey had read that in his file. She wouldn't have that look because she knew and had decided to enter into a relationship with him anyway.
"I'd like to hear the story sometime," Audrey told him, knowing that he might not be ready to talk about it today.
Jack shrugged, trying to seem emotionless about it. "Not much to say. You read my file. You know how the operation went and about the drugs."
Audrey looked at him skeptically. "Jack, just because I read your file doesn't mean that I know what happened. I know the general summary. What I want to know is how the operation affected you. Your thoughts. Your feelings. I want to know you, not CTU's viewpoint of the situation."
Jack sighed. "I'm not so sure you really do."
"I do," Audrey insisted. "But, if you aren't ready to talk about it, of course we won't."
Jack considered it. He felt that he trusted Audrey not to judge him but also wondered if it would all be too much for her. Women like Audrey didn't date men with drug addictions. He worried that she would change her mind about their future together. But, he convinced himself that if it had been a deal breaker for her that she never would have entered into the relationship in the first place. He decided he wanted to tell her but wasn't sure where to start. "Honestly, I'm not really sure what to say about it."
"Did you know that you'd have to do drugs when you were assigned to the mission? Or did you find out when you met the Salazar's?" Audrey asked, thinking it might be easier for him to answer more pointed questions than open-ended.
"I knew ahead of time," Jack answered. "It comes with the territory of working with a drug cartel. If I showed up to meet the Salazar's without ever having touched heroin, it would have blown my cover immediately and they would have shot me on sight."
"So, you started using before the mission? So that you could convince them?" Audrey asked.
Jack nodded. "Yes. I was addicted by the time I started the mission. I just slowly worked my way up to an amount that I could handle. The worst thing would have been if the Salazar's got me high and I admitted to being undercover or that I wasn't loyal to them. So, I had to get to a point where I could control my thoughts, emotions, and actions no matter how much they gave me."
Audrey nodded in understanding. "Did the heroin make you feel terrible? Out of control?"
Jack shook his head. "No. Peaceful, calm. People wouldn't get addicted if it made you feel like crap the first time. What felt like crap was the withdrawal symptoms. When I'd have to go to CTU or see Kate and not be high. I was irritable to say the least. Kate and I broke up because of it and I was completely indifferent to it. That's what I meant when I said I didn't treat her right. I didn't care about her at all; I only cared about when I would get to leave her to shoot up. And, I was never going to tell her about the heroin so she just saw me become completely uninterested for no reason which I'm sure hurt her. But, I was doing what I had to do for the mission to be successful and I was convinced that when it was over I was in control enough to stop because it wasn't something I had chosen to do."
Jack looked at Audrey to see if he was saying too much but she looked at him with nothing but care.
"How did you stop?" Audrey asked.
"It took having my addiction told to everyone at CTU, including my daughter, for me to really take the steps to get sober. I had been trying to quit, or so I told myself, but I always told myself that it'd just be one more to stop the withdrawal symptoms. When Kim found out, I went to a rehab program that helped."
"So, if the CTU Director knew that you had done all of it for the mission and were sober, why fire you?" Audrey asked.
"It wasn't the same director. Erin Driscoll came in a few months later and she saw my addiction as a liability."
"That's ridiculous," Audrey defended, feeling like it wasn't fair that Jack had done something so extreme for the sake of the job just to be fired for doing what was asked of him.
Jack shrugged. "It really was for the best."
Audrey smiled and took his hand. "Yeah, I guess it was."
They kissed, both of them happy that their paths had crossed because of all of this, no matter how it happened.
"Thank you," Jack whispered as he pulled out of the kiss, kissing her on the forehead.
"I didn't do anything," Audrey insisted.
"I've never shared all of that with anyone besides in rehab. It feels good to share it with someone I care about."
Audrey smiled, happy anytime he told her how he was feeling about her. Audrey kissed him, wanting him to know that she truly cared for him as well.
Warning: This scene is rated M, skip to next scene if you are not interested in reading
On Sunday morning, Jack looked over Audrey as she stood at the door, getting ready to head to yoga with her friends. Jack admired her, thinking she looked incredible in her tight fitting yoga pants and lavender tank top with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. Jack snuck up behind her and grabbed her by the waist, causing her to startle.
"Hey, what are you doing up?" Audrey asked Jack as he kissed her exposed neck from behind.
"You didn't say goodbye," Jack whispered and Audrey smiled.
"I was trying to let you sleep in," Audrey told him, turning in his arms, and kissing him passionately. Audrey ran her hands over his bare chest, getting turned on by how intense their kiss was, but knowing that if she didn't leave now that she would be late. Jack's hands wandered over her butt while he kissed down her neck to her chest.
"Mmm, I'm gonna be late," Audrey groaned.
"Two minutes," Jack insisted, trailing his tongue across her cleavage.
"O-Okay. Two minutes" Audrey agreed, unable to resist. She joked, "I'm timing you."
Jack kissed her lips again quickly. "I work well under pressure."
"Ten seconds gone," Audrey warned him. Jack wasted no time after that to remove her clothes and Audrey pushed off his sweatpants and boxers as quickly as she could manage. Jack was already hard for her. Audrey lost count of any time that she might have been keeping track of when Jack kissed his way down her body, focusing his attention on the spots he had learned that turned her on the most, before kissing his way back to her lips. He kissed her with so much pressure that he backed her against the door of the townhouse, a thud coming from it while Audrey moaned.
Audrey stroked Jack's hardness and Jack felt between Audrey's legs, telling him that she was ready for him. He kept her pinned against the wall but lifted her until her legs wrapped around his hips and he entered her seamlessly. It didn't take very long for them to finish, both of them excited by this new position and the urgency of the sex, something they had not experienced with each other yet.
Jack let Audrey catch her breath and regain her composure before putting her down, holding her up until her legs decided they could hold her weight again.
"Did I meet the two minute requirement?" Jack asked her, a playful smirk on his lips.
"I think you might have," Audrey answered. "I lost count."
Audrey got herself dressed again for yoga and gave Jack a kiss goodbye before leaving to meet her friends.
Audrey arrived at the yoga studio a few minutes late but joined Jen and Megan in their warm-up routine.
"Hey, where were you?" Jen whispered, trying not to disrupt the rest of the class. "You're never late."
"I overslept," Audrey lied.
"You texted me when you woke up," Jen reminded her, raising her eyebrows at her.
"Leave her alone, Jen," Megan insisted. "We both know that she was doing her own workout. With Jack."
"No, I-" Audrey started to protest.
"You showed up to morning yoga already perspiring," Megan whispered. "Trust me; I remember those days. Now I'm lucky if Logan stops snoring for a minute to give me a goodbye kiss."
Audrey and Jen chuckled and then quieted down for the yoga session. They went to a cafe down the street for coffee, like they usually did after yoga. They ordered their coffees and sat down at a booth in the back.
"So, things are still going well with Jack, I guess?" Megan asked.
Audrey smiled shyly. "Yeah."
"Wow, I'm not sure I've ever seen you so smitten before," Jen said thinking that it was a relief to see Audrey so happy.
"I know," Audrey agreed. "And every time I learn something new about him, I just like him even more. There's just so much more to him then he lets on to others. I like that he trusts me enough to open up. And he treats me so well."
"You love him," Megan commented, hearing the love for him in Audrey's voice as she spoke about her feelings.
"No," Audrey countered. "I don't think I'm there yet. But, it's heading in that direction and it feels really good and hopeful."
Jen and Megan exchanged looks, knowing that Audrey was probably already falling in love with him but just not able to admit it yet. They were thrilled for her.
"Do you think Jack is feeling the same way that you are about your relationship?" Jen asked. "I don't want to see you get hurt."
Audrey shrugged. "I think so. From everything he's said and his actions, I would say so. Not to mention that he told his daughter about us. He doesn't say it but that was a huge step for him. I don't think he would have told her if he wasn't feeling good about us."
"Are you going to meet her?" Megan asked excitedly.
"It doesn't seem like he's ready for that quite yet," Audrey shrugged. Audrey chuckled, "But, apparently she thought we were dating a couple months before we started seeing each other."
"Speaking of people finding out you two are together, are you ever going to tell your father?" Jen asked. "He can't possibly still be in the dark."
"He is," Audrey insisted. "We are excellent at hiding it at work."
"Wouldn't it be nicer just to tell him so you don't have to pretend?" Jen asked.
"Uh no," Megan interjected. "The secrecy is part of the fun. It's sexy."
Audrey shook her head in disagreement. "No, the secrecy is not fun. Okay, maybe a little bit sexy, but I want what Jack and I have to be real and not have to hide it. But, I know my father will be upset that I'm seeing someone while still married to Paul. He makes comments sometimes about us getting back together. I just don't want him to disapprove of Jack simply because he isn't Paul. Besides, even if we did tell my dad, we'd still act the same at work."
"I just think Jim is going to be more upset that you didn't want to tell him than that you're dating someone while still married to Paul. He wants you to be happy," Jen reminded her.
"I know," Audrey agreed. "I'll tell him eventually. When the time is right."