A/n: Finally we are here to the chapter (I hope) you've all been waiting for. It is a longer chapter but still a good one, so I won't delay you any longer and you may go ahead and start reading ;)

Keith

Suffice it to say, he feels terrible.

He can't really blame anyone except himself though, and even then it's not like he's doing it on purpose. There's just a lot to be done, and he's free, so why not go and do it? So what if he misses out on meals and loses a little - lot - of sleep?

Each day, he comes back and sees the plate of food Hunk has left out for him, feeling slightly guilty when he only takes a few bites before giving the rest to Kosmo. The food's always good, but he really isn't ever hungry for anything more than a few bites, and he'd feel a lot guiltier if he let it go to waste so why not let someone else enjoy the meal too, even if that someone else is a wolf?

He always makes sure to clean the dish anyway, before going to his room and working on something from one of his missions, or just going straight to the training room. He always finds himself there anyway by the end of the night.

It's not like he doesn't even try to sleep; he does but sleep never comes and why waste hours just lying there on his bed in the dark and silence when he could spend that time training or working?

Some days he's lucky and there's a mission at night, one where they're low on people anyway so they accept whatever help they can get. After all, the war may be over, but that doesn't mean peace is automatic and the Galra or pirates or someone else has stopped picking battles.

He knows it's bad, and he knows he shouldn't neglect himself this much, but even when he tries to take care of himself - eating half of the meal instead of just a few bites, actually sleeping for a few hours, just relaxing - something always makes him regret it. The extra food makes him feel sick, he's awoken by nightmares, or he's needed for another mission. So he's just given up at this point. And he's not dead yet so…

Today though, he doesn't know why, he's free by dinner and decides to go join the team for the meal. Despite living on the same ship for the past few days, somehow he hasn't seen most of them for a lot of that time and it might be nice to catch up on what they've been doing.

So when he walks into their designated dining room and sees Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, Romelle, and Coran there, all looking at him with various degrees of surprise, happiness and relief, he feels like he made the right choice. Pidge seems happy to see him, even if she's a little mad he missed their video games session, and he makes a mental note to ask her about it later.

For now, he's busy avoiding the confrontation from Shiro he knows is coming and instead focuses on the missing - the one who is missing and not dead - paladin.

"Where's Lance?"

Two words and the whole room tenses.

"He's… in his room."

"He's not coming?" Keith tries not to let any of what he's thinking show. "Has he come out of his room at all?"

"Well…" The look on Hunk's face is enough answer, and Keith sighs.

"Hunk, don't bother putting his food in a separate plate today. I'll go get him." He really should have just let it be, he barely has the energy right now but this was getting ridiculous.

Shiro speaks up. "Keith, he'll come out in his own time. We're all dealing with losing her differently - it'll take time for him to deal with it."

"Shiro, it's been four days," he says, the slightest hint of anger slipping into his voice. "It's not healthy and we all know if no one drags him out, he'll stay in there forever."

No one could argue. After all, he knew better than most what was healthy and what wasn't even if it might not seem like it in this moment. Closing himself off was a mistake he'd made, one he wasn't going to let someone else make if he could stop them. He knew just how long it took to get over that.

"I'm going."

"Keith…" Shiro's voice once again follows him out the room, but just like last time, it's too late.

He's already gone.

Lance

A knock on the door for the second time in an hour.

He'd only just gotten comfy again.

"What?" He says, only just managing to keep his voice civil as to not scare off whatever poor sap was bothering him for whatever reason, but it was hard.

"Dinner's ready McClain, let's go."

Not a poor sap then. What was Keith doing here? He hasn't heard from or seen the guy in days and suddenly he just shows up. Starting this off with a bad mood then, okay.

"I already told Hunk I'm not coming." Just a few minutes ago too, so go away.

"And I'm telling you, you are. You can't sulk in here forever, it's not good."

Look who's talking Mr. God-of-self-care, with sarcasm in capital letters. He's up and opening the door within seconds.

"I said I'm not going, Mullet, so stay out of it." He says it before he even gets a good look at the guy but it's already said so no point feeling guilty now, even if Keith looks perhaps even worse than he does – his paler than normal skin only serving to make the dark bags under his tired eyes look even darker.

"I can order you to leave your room if you want."

So Keith wasn't going to back down, Lance could see that now. Well neither was he.

"Oh? Now you can order us around? Right, because you're our leader," Lance said, hitting his forehead as if he was an idiot who just forgot this fact. "Well where were you then?!" All pretences of amusement gone in a second.

Keith barely flinched, only narrowing his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're supposed to be our leader right? Yet you still just let her go!"

"She made that decision for herself, Lance! What did you want me to do?"

He was too angry to notice the tone with which Keith spoke, snapping back but with a bit of genuine curiosity behind it.

"Something! Anything?"

"Do you even hear yourself?" Keith scoffed.

"Hey, at least I care! You don't seem like you do."

"Oh? Who said I don't care?"

"Well do you?! Because it doesn't seem like it. It didn't seem like it when you told Coran. I heard it in your voice. You didn't stutter, your voice didn't crack, or wobble, or give away any indication at all that we lost someone. ALLURA DIED, KEITH. DID SHE REALLY MEAN THAT LITTLE TO YOU THAT YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE GALL TO LOOK SAD?"

Maybe he was being harsh. But he didn't care, couldn't bring himself to care. It was just so frustrating, because he'd seen the way everyone had cried and been sad. Shiro hadn't cried but he'd still looked sad. Keith had just stayed straight-faced throughout, and it pissed Lance off. Did Allura not mean anything to anyone but him?

"You know what? Maybe it's your Galra blood. Maybe that's why you don't seem to care about any of us. And before you try to say you do, think about it. Do you really care about any of us? Huh, Keith? Because you sure do leave us enough to make it look like you don't."

Keith remained stone-faced, even as Lance kept taking shots at him, even as Lance looked him right in the eyes to see if anything he said hurt Keith at all because that's all he wanted to do. He just wanted to hurt Keith, the way he was hurting, because maybe then he'd feel better. But no matter what he said, trying to get a reaction, something to show that Keith wasn't really heartless, the more he became sure that maybe Keith really was just that. Heartless.

"Why don't you say anything?! You really don't have a heart. Your Galra side of you to blame yet again, I guess. Maybe that's why you were better off with the Blades. Because we were definitely better off without you. She would have been better off without you because maybe if we'd had a better leader than you, she'd still be here and you'd be gone. And everything still would have been fine."

He knew what he was implying. If he was thinking straight, he would have taken it back immediately. He knew Keith had problems being too self-sacrificial, had overheard Shiro talking to Keith about it sometimes, having to tell the boy that his life mattered. But here was Lance telling him the opposite, too emotional to dwell on it and say sorry.

Tears had started running down his face again and he was trying so hard not to crack when Keith was standing right in front of him. Standing there, with his arms crossed and face still expressionless like his words meant nothing, like Allura meant nothing when she was his everything and she was gone. Forever.

"You think I don't know that?" Said so quietly that Lance wasn't sure he'd heard it at all. He looked up to see that something had, in fact, changed in Keith's expression. There was pain there now, but Lance was too far gone to care.

"You think I don't think about that every day, Lance? You think I don't wish I could have traded spots with her, that I could've done something? Look, I know it hurts but - "

He didn't realise he'd even moved his arm until his fist makes contact with Keith's face.

"I'm so tired of people saying that," he hissed. "Do you really know it hurts Keith? Because you might not be so heartless after all, but I don't think you know just how bad - "

Suddenly he's bent over, hands clutching his stomach where Keith just punched him back.

"Don't I?" Keith's breathing hard, just like he is, but he still only glares, not even moving to hold his cheek where a bruise is already forming. "I don't know how it feels to lose someone you love, someone you're close to?" Keith continues, but rational thoughts no longer exist in Lance's mind.

"Well it sure as hell doesn't seem like it." Lance swings again and this time he doesn't stop, doesn't care if he hits Keith or if Keith blocks it.

"Oh really? Why else do you think I'm here Lance?"

Keith swipes his leg from under him, and he hits the ground hard. He retaliates by kicking the older teen's ankle and now they're both tussling on the hallway floor. He doesn't answer, or say anything more, only keeps fighting, because Keith's words are starting to make sense but nothing makes sense without her gone, and oh my god Allura is gone forever and this idiot is trying to preach taking care of yourself to him but what's the point if she's not here and it's so confusing.

"You can't just shut yourself in your room and pretend it shuts out the pain, Lance."

Why do his words make so much sense? Why does he not understand he's doing it for a reason and he knows Keith understands but he doesn't want to think about why.

"Why not? Works well enough for you doesn't it?'

"No, actually," Keith bites out, dodging another punch. "But why do you think I started doing it? Get it through your thick head Lance. I'm trying to stop you from becoming me."

The words go in one ear and go straight to his mouth for a reply before it even passes through his brain. "Yeah because being you didn't turn out so well. You abandoned your friends, and let them die on your watch."

Keith pins Lance under him. "Why do you think I'm taking these blows for you? This is exactly what I wanted to do when I lost people. I wanted to blame someone, anyone, and I wanted to hurt them like I hurt - "

Lance kicks Keith off and punches him again. Keith's words have finally reached the small part of Lance's mind that's still working and it tries to break through to him, telling him to listen, really listen to what Keith's saying because he'd know better than anyone so stop beating him into a pulp and holy sh- Keith is a bigger self-sacrificial idiot than he thought because don't you remember those training sessions where barely anyone could get a blow on Keith and now -

He shuts that small part of his brain up before it ruins this completely.

"It doesn't work, Lance." How did he know? Because no matter how many times his fist collides with some part of Keith, it's not changing anything and it makes him feel almost worse. "Hit me all you want but it's not gonna change the fact that she's gone. And I'm so so sorry I didn't do anything - "

I didn't do anything either.

"Just don't shut everyone else out. Don't make the same mistake I did and lose them too."

It's those words, it's then that he breaks, that the small voice, the small part of his brain wins and his fist falls back down, hanging limply by his side. He wants to help the other guy up because he really did a number on him and Keith looks terrible but he can't even stand himself, barely being able to just get off of the other paladin. His legs are too weak because he's stupidly started crying again.

"Keith! Lance!"

He faintly notices the rest of the team has arrived, and they're at the end of the hall - no wait, Hunk is right beside him and Shiro is helping Keith up, berating him. He wants to stop Shiro from doing that because Keith just did so much for him, things that are only now occurring to his brain like Keith let Lance hit him. He knows because Keith's always been the best fighter out of all of them, especially when it came to hand-to-hand combat so there's no way he didn't see half of those punches coming and wait…

Keith had been fighting back but, now as Lance thought about it, Keith had only actually attacked him once, in the very beginning. He'd just been blocking and Lance is crying again because even while he was beating up his friend - by all accounts someone who's grown to be his family, his brother - Keith wasn't even hitting him back.

He's crying, but for once, it's not because of grief. Instead, grief is far from his mind for the first time in a long while, replaced by another cold feeling as all of Keith's words slowly register in his brain and fill his head.

"I don't know how it feels to lose someone?… Why else do you think I'm here Lance?…You think I don't wish I could have traded spots with her?… You can't just shut yourself in your room and pretend it shuts out the pain… I'm trying to stop you from becoming me… This is exactly what I wanted to do when I lost people… It doesn't work… Don't make the same mistake I did."

How many times had he seen Keith in the same position as he was right now, shutting himself in his room, trying to find someone to blame, shutting them out? Wishing he could trade spots with someone else so they wouldn't be the one hurting because no one cared about him - or so he thought. And now he thought Lance thought that too; "we were better of without you…"

"Keith!"

At Shiro's voice, he looks up, suddenly very aware of everything around him, like Hunk's hand on his arm and Keith slumped over in Shiro's. He only catches a glimpse of the unconscious paladin as Shiro lays him down, giving out orders to the rest of the group, one of which is apparently to return Lance to his room since now Hunk is helping him up and back to his bed.

For once, he doesn't want to go back to his room, and he pushes away from Hunk. He can't breathe, and he has to hold onto the wall to stay standing. When Hunk comes to his side again, Lance can only mumble something about not wanting to go in his room but it's enough for Hunk to understand and lead him somewhere else.

As they leave, he looks back to see Kosmo has appeared - from nowhere as usual - and is nudging Keith, whining. Shiro talks to the wolf, who then places a paw on his unconscious paladin as Shiro holds onto them both, and in the next second, the three of them are gone as if they were never in the hallway to start with.

A/n: Sorry if they maybe seemed a little ooc in this chapter but imma blame it on the fact that they're both grieving. I've been lucky enough to not have lost anyone close to me so far, or have anyone close to me lose someone, but I feel like that's definitely a reason for someone to not act like themselves so… creative liberty!

Also, completely unrelated but I can't believe it's already August. Time is just moving too fast man, I'm genuinely having trouble keeping up. Anyone else get that or is it just me?

Back to this chapter tho: So a lot happened to say the least. Lance just kind of cracked completely and took it out on poor Keith - who in true Keith fashion had to make things so much worse by being his usual self-sacrificial… self. But I won't say much now as you'll see for yourself in the next chapter ;)

Stay safe and see ya soon.

- CrowofArcadiaOaks