Of COURSE Katsuki had packed some gun powder. Who the hell wouldn't?

But Izuku kept being wishy washy. He kept flipping between horrified at the very idea and cautiously accepting of it like an eight-year-old trying to have a rave party with a light switch.

Katsuki didn't really care whether he blew up Pink Cheeks or not, but he didn't need to be the listening ear to Izuku's constant mutter stream of whether or not to do it.

"-I can remember the dosage we use, but the altitude was higher and the make up might be minutely different, there really is no telling, I could kill her and then-no, no, I should start from stage one, I know her. We can make this work-what am I talking about? I'm a dweeb, I can barely even talk to girls, though I'm not as bad as Kaachan-"

"Oi."

"-And she's different now, had a different life, but oh, she's still the same and she's so sweet, but she can't travel with us, I don't have the time, what if she's already married someone by the time I get back? Ugh, I wasted fifteen years of my life, if I had known-"

"Oi."

"Still, that doesn't mean I can just set her up to get concussed with gun powder, but it's not like I can just hit her over the head, what if there is something in the gun powder that does the trick? Ugh, why does there have to be so many variables? And why does she have to look so cute dressed as a witch? Oh my gosh, is this what they call a kink? No, she's just cute-"

"OI! Will you shut the FUCK up?!"

"But you're the only one I can talk to about this, Kaachan."

"Like hell, you have the dragon, don't you?"

"But he's all the way in that clearing, I'd have to leave the castle where she is-"

"What are you, a booger? She's not even around right now."

"And Eijiro's a bigger loser with girls than you are."

"...It's like you want to get your face punched in."

"I'm just stating the facts!"

"I've just never had a reason to try, bitch! And it's not like you want my advice anyways, you just want to jabber."

"Well I've been waiting for you to say something-"

"No you haven't, and you know it."

"Well I'm waiting now, what do you think?"

"I think you should just kiss her and get it done with."

"Kaachan!"

"What? I didn't say rape her."

"We've just met!"

"Don't girls like forward guys?"

"Not that forward!"

"Guess you'll just have to blow her up then, huh?"

"Kaachan!"

"You know, I'm getting really sick of that scolding mama tone, you aren't the boss of me."

"I'm actually in distress right now, don't you even care?"

"Nope."

"...Asshole."

"Got that right, so shove off, let me bathe in peace."

As that was where they were at the moment, lounging in their own separate wooden tubes after scrubbing down every bit of evidence of the outside world with rosemary scented soap and sponges that had probably been used on horses once upon a time. They were certainly rough enough for it, but Katsuki hadn't cared. He wanted the top layer of his skin off anyway. The mosquito bites were still there, after all. Stupid swamp.

"...Were her boobs always so big?"

Katsuki groaned, loudly.

"Shut up, Deku."

"No, really, I've heard working out can make a girl's boobs shrink, since they're mostly fat, so did being in this world and not working to be a hero make her boobs bigger?"

Katsuki leaned out to grab the soap bar and chucked it at Izuku's head.

"Ack!"

"Get out."

"God, you are so mean."

"No, you are, do you have any idea how long I've waited for a proper soak? And you have to annoy me with stupid shit."

"Don't you like boobs?"

"You want me eyeballing your girls boobs?"

"...I meant, in like, passing-"

"No."

"I'm sorry, okay? I just thought-"

"No."

"Jeeze…"

The sweet quiet lasted until the Toaster burst into the room.

"There's a rabid elemental at the gate!"

Izuku and Katsuki looked at him blankly.

"A what?" asked Izuku.

"An-an elemental-wasn't your mother a witch?"

"Well, yeah, but-wait, rabid? Are they hurting people?"

"They haven't yet, but they keep setting the training dummies on fire and freezing the boots of anyone who approaches to ask what they want."

Izuku and Katsuki exchanged glances. Katsuki let out another groan and dropped his head so far back it hit the outside of the tub.

"No."

"Kaachan, that has to be-"

"I'm getting drunk. I'm getting hella drunk and going to bed."

"But if he came here, that could mean-"

"Don't care. I hate 'em."

Tenya scowled. "The reason I came is because I need your help, please, my castle is burning even as we speak!"

Katsuki probably would have smelt more smoke if his nose hadn't been burnt out on the smell from his own self after destroying that entire clearing. Not to mention the rosemary in that soap had been strong.

"Izuku will go," said Katsuki flippently. At least now he'd get some peace and quiet.

He could feel Izuku's scowl, but he didn't care. What he have to be so grumpy about? Wasn't Half-n-Half his best friend or something? Bosom companions? Savior and devote?

Gaaaawd, he should have just stayed home.

Izuku stuttered apologies as he flopped out of his tub and rushed to dry and dress in the spare clothes they'd been brought. Katsuki took a glance when the dork had gotten them on and had a little chuckle at how poorly they fitted him. These poor scrawny peasants had never had to make clothes for a properly grown man in their life, and Izuku wasn't even a 'man' yet. Just a gangly teenager.

Then Katsuki remembered they'd brought similar clothes for him and smacked a hand to his face. He was bigger than Izuku. Damn it.

Then they were gone and Katsuki was blessedly, blessedly alone. He even managed to doze off before an explosion made him jolt violently in his tub, sending copious amounts of sudsy water over the rim. Swearing up a storm, he heaved himself out and snatched the towel.

"Fucking who's taking my schtick," he growled.

He all but tore off the shutter throwing it open and sticking his head out through the skinny-ass window.

Sure enough, just seen through the moonlight and torches, something like an explosion had occured in the courtyard. He could just make out scorch marks, a few flickers of orange flame, and some sparkly bastard standing in the epicenter with wacky colored hair that would make a clown jealous.

But since the castle wasn't blown up, Katsuki didn't rush too much toweling off and getting dress. The nerd had survived his explosive ass, after all, so he could be trusted to not be dead. Besides, he could hear his voice in the distance. It was something Katsuki would recognize from a mile away, and at a whisper. No, it wasn't because they were that close, it was because the nerd's voice was one of those annoying high tenors that hadn't broken yet.

Katsuki regretted everything the moment the clothes were on. So fucking tight. His junk alone was going to be squeezed out of existence, and the moment he so much as lifted his arm the seams were going to bust. Growling, he struggled out of the tunic, then set his teeth on the back and ripped.

"S-Sir Katsuki?"

The little voice at the door made him scowl.

"What?"

"A-a-are you in need of assistance?"

What kind of creep was listening in to everything he was doing? Seriously. But since they were here, might as well use them.

"Do you have a cape? Or a cloak, whatever."

"Is the tunic not adequate?"

"It's fucking small is what it is."

"Y-yes, I'll go look."

It wasn't till the feet pattered away that Katsuki thought that the voice had sounded familiar. But since he hated the thought that it could be, he went back to work tearing the sad tunic. Once satisfied with the panels he'd made, he went to his bag and dug out his sewing kit.

By the time whoever had returned with their little knocks at the door, he'd torn through the hem of the pants and was using the panels of the tunic to fill in the gap. When he was done his junk would have room to roam.

"Yeah?"

"I found a cloak you could use, Sir Katsuki."

"So come in already."

The door squeaked a bit as it opened and a maid with brilliant, curly red hair tied up in bright blue ribbon stepped in.

He secretly gave an inward sigh of relief that it really wasn't someone he knew from his past life.

Then her face flushed enough to rival her hair and he remembered he was sitting cross-legged and naked on the floor with only his sewing project to hide the important bits.

His first instinct was everyone's-squawk and hug his chest like a maiden hiding her breasts. But since he was a man, not to mention one with the body of a god, he smashed that urge down and instead gave a cocky smirk.

"Something you haven't seen before?"

Poor girl smashed the folded cloak against her face.

"I-I-I'm so sorry!"

"I said you could come in. It's not like I'm showing anything important. What are you so afraid of? I'm not going to molest you or anything." A little offensive that she thought he might.

"No! I just…I'll just leave the cloak here, I'm so sorry."

She scuttled to the bed, dropped the cloak, then scuttled back to the door, where she hesitated.

It was long enough for Katsuki to notice a hint of a ripe, perky butt through her skirts.

…Hmm.

"Um, Sir Katsuki?"

He grunted, turning his eyes back down to his work just in case she looked back at him and caught him looking.

"If…if you go towards Crown Mountain…you should find a village where someone might know of the storm dragons."

He jerked his head back up. "What?"

But she was already gone, door swinging shut behind her.

Katsuki scowled at the door for a beat longer before returning to his sewing with renewed vigor.

Yet another damn thing he had to do. Why couldn't he just finish his bath and go to bed like he wanted? Gotta make himself his own damn clothes, then he had to make sure the nerd was alive, and now he had to chase down some ginger bitch with a fine ass and shake out some answers.

All he needed now was for Eijiro to get lonely and come flying in like an idiot-

A series of alarmed shouts came just before a ground shaking thud hit the roof of the castle, raining Katsuki with dust and bits of mortar as well as sending the magic-lit chandelier swinging.

He threw down his pants.

"GOD DAMN IT!"