Origins: Porky Minch

Group Chat: Admin Team
12:00 AM

Shulk: Is anyone else still up?

Mario: I was just about to turn in, why? Dark Samus causing issues again?
Shulk: Actually no, Found out the less time I spent trying to corral it the more docile a roommate it was
Sans: Order Grillby's online

Sans: Wait this isn't the UnderNet. Had it open in another tab.

Shulk: ?
Mario: ?

Sans: That's the internet in the underground, where I'm from.

Shulk: How do you have access to it here?
Sans: Secret
Shulk: FFS
Mario: Anyway, Shulk, what did you want?

Shulk: Got a bunch of requests to open the training rooms, early morning. Just letting everyone know we've got an early shift tomorrow.

Sans: Hey Marth can you cover my shift?

Mario: For the third time Sans, this isn't shiftwork.

ROB: Shall I inform Otis that Sans' femur is now permitted to be used as a chew toy?

Sans: OK OK, I was just kidding geez.

Mario: Thanks for the heads up Shulk. Might be a little bit late, haven't been sleeping well, need to get back on a decent schedule. Marth, you're in charge until I get there
Marth: Cool.

ROB: Cool cool cool

Sans: HAH! It worked

Marth: What worked?
Shulk: The fewer questions you ask about Sans' nonsense the better Marth
Marth: Duly noted.

(You are reading the most recent message)

True to what he had said, Mario didn't awake until late morning. Like he had admitted to the Smashers in his impromptu speech two nights ago, being the head of the Smash Brothers was running him ragged. As a result, he was delegating some of his responsibility and practicing self-care. He had to admit, it had turned out to be an excellent decision. Sleeping in and leisurely breakfasts with Peach were just two of the many reasons why. All the same though, Mario had to get to work. With a spring in his step, Mario headed down to the Core Machine room, absentmindedly singing a song that had been written in his honor after Bowser's first defeat

"Swing your arms from side to side, come on it's time to go, do the Mario!"

Mario smirked, catching his idiocy. Was it narcissistic to sing a song about himself? The plumber would be the first to admit that it probably was, but Seven Stars be damned if it wasn't a catchy tune.

Mario opened the doors to the Core Machine Room to see the rest of the administration team hunched over an enormous bank of monitors. The monitor bank was approximately 128 screens high, accounting for the 108 stages belonging to characters who had already arrived, and the 22 that were left to be generated by Guardian Alloy for those yet to arrive, as well as Sans and Altair's stages. At the bottom of the monitor bank, at eye level, was a normal looking computer screen, which could flip to any one of the screens for the administration to observe.

Mario spoke up, as it appeared the team was too busy watching the screens to notice his arrival, "So, what's going on guys?"

Marth whipped around to face Mario, a grin on his face. Otis and Mikey also whipped around in response to Mario, barking, and quacking respectively. Sans gave a dismissive handwave along with his signature "sup".

"Quite a bit actually," Marth began, "Edelgard and the Links are training together, they're trying to help her get used to wielding multiple weapons."

Mario frowned, "I appreciate their enthusiasm, but Edelgard is too fresh, and I think we've burnt out the Links recently. They're out of contention."

Marth blinked for a second, not expecting immediate negativity from his boss, "Okay. Greninja and Snake are training, they have been since we opened operations today. The same could be said for Joker and Cloud."

"ROB, make a note that those four will be tapped for recruitment later."

"Affirmative," said ROB

" As we speak, Roy, Ken, Captain Falcon, Diddy, and Donkey Kong are teaming up against Banjo, King K. Rool, Chrom, Olimar Corrin and Terry in that new five-on-five tag mode The King of Fighters inspired you to implement."

Mario smiled wide, "Ah! What do you think of it?"

"I think it would be a hoot to do exhibitions for, perhaps on the final night of the tournament?"

"Great idea! ROB, add that to the notes."

"Affirmative."

"Bowser's contingent, him, Junior and the potted plant fought Luigi, Daisy, and Wario in the three on three version earlier, which would've been equally as fun…"

"Would've been?" Mario asked

The Altean prince snickered uncharacteristically, "The way it was explained to me was that your brother and Daisy needed a third person, so they dragged Wario out of bed. He whined about it being too early in the morning and SDed his stock."

Mario laughed, "That's what Weegee gets for thinking Wario of all people would be a good tag team partner. How's the plant?"

"An absolute lethal weapon." remarked Sans, "He's got poison powers, can spin his leaves like a helicopter for recovery, and he can shoot spikey balls. Not to mention, he has heckin' big chompers."

A loud smack was heard as Shulk had faceplanted onto the deck he was sitting at, "For the love of Bionis…" he moaned

Mario raised an eyebrow, "Heckin' big…"

Sans chuckled, "UnderNet lingo man, you gotta get with it."

"WOAH! DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?" squawked Mikey, "PATCH IT TO THE BANJO TAG!"

The main monitor displayed the final seconds of the aforementioned 5-on-5 tag battle, in which a golden aura had emitted from Kazooie's wings, the pair had run forward, directly into a Falcon Punch, which seemed to have no effect as bear and bird bulldozed through the Captain, ending the match.

Mario's eyes were wide, "Did-a he just…tank a Falcon Punch? O mio , I think he might be the one."

With that, the leader of the Smash Brothers pivoted on his heel, heading towards the exit of the Core Machine Room.

"Wait," shouted Marth, "There are still several training sessions going on that require..."

"Send me the videos when you have the time, I've got to put together the team for our next fighter."

As he left doors behind him, Mario spoke into his communicator, "Buzz for Ness and Lucas please, tell them they're required in the conference room."

Conference Room

Mario sat in the conference room, elbows on the table, hands clasped in nervous anticipation. He hadn't been waiting long when the door to the room opened, Lucas followed first, a deep frown etched on his face, followed by Ness, who, while bearing no readable expression, seemed equally as somber as he shuffled slowly into the room.

"We know what this is" Lucas began, "You want us to try and recruit…him don't you?"

Mario sighed, "Look-a, I wouldn't do it if it wasn't absolutely necessary. This is an arms race, and we need to tie up all the assets Conker hasn't."

"What about Rayquaza?" Ness said.

"A trainer in Hoenn caught him, he's a non-threat. The Tabuu created villains are presumed dead, and we have Petey's Piranha's seedling. Porky Minch is the only free agent, and I need your help to get him."

"You know he won't fit in here right?"

"Oh, I know. That's-a why I'm rooming him with Wario. Hopefully, they can get their bull-a crap out when they spend time amongst each other."

Ness nodded, "Okay, that's a good plan, but we'd have to fight Giygas to find him."

"Trust me," said Mario, "I plan on avoiding that situation entirely"

Lucas' eyes went wide, "That would mean recruiting him in my time, but he's in the Absolutely Safe Capsule. Nothing known to us will break him out."

"Nothing known to you" said Mario with a smirk, "I have just the plan to deal with that."

Hours later

"Banjo Kazooie and Mewtwo to the Portal Room. I repeat, Banjo-Kazooie and Mewtwo to the Portal Room."

"HA! I told you we were stars! We were in one training session all day and BAM, they want us for something!" squawked Kazooie,

"Yeah, but with Mewtwo?" asked Banjo, as he walked to the Portal Room with Kazooie in his backpack, "Seems like something out of our wheelhouse if we're teaming up with him."

"Whaddya mean, ya lazy ball of fluff? We're Banjo-Kazooie darn it, nothing is…"

Mid rant, Banjo stepped through the sliding door to the Portal Room What appeared to be a purple cryogenic coffin on spider legs stood in the room, as soon as they entered. Mewtwo was slumped lazily against a wall, his arms crossed, while Mario, Ness, and Lucas conversed amongst themselves in the corner.

"Out….of…our..wheelhouse." stuttered Kazooie as she eyed the mechanical monstrosity in front of her.

"What'n the name of Jiggywiggy have you got us signed up for Mario?"

The three near the portals' gazes all snapped towards the duo, "Simply put, we need you to Wonder Wing a capsule until it pops open."

"I can do that, but what're the kids and the test tube baby over there for?" Kazooie asked, pointing her head towards Mewtwo.

"Kazooie! No need to be rude!" Banjo scolded

"We need his psychic powers to put what comes out of the capsule," Mario began, gesturing to the robot, "Into there."

"And as far as what pops out, he's what you might call Ness and I's villain." Lucas explained.

"I see," said Banjo.

"ROB set the portal to the agreed-upon coordinates, now, Mewtwo, we need you to move this through-a the portal."

"Affirmative" came the voice of ROB through a loudspeaker in the room as the portal opened before them.

' Lab

It was a pleasant, warm day as was the usual in Tazmily village, where Doctor Andonuts had set up his lab. With the capitalistic structure of the Porky Empire in a freefall since the deposition of its leader from whom the empire got its name, Andonuts moved to the remote Tazmily to continue scientific work, mostly to restore the natural world that the Empire had ravaged away. On this day like any other, sat at his desk, noting the growth rate of a plant that had been exposed to a special formula, which, if it worked correctly, would be used in reforestation efforts

Suddenly, one of the doctor's instruments began to beep. Andonuts used the office chair with wheels upon which he sat to investigate the instrument. The old doctor's heart skipped a beat. It was the temporal disturbance detector, Someone was traveling through time and space to the present. Fearing it could be another Porky threat, Andonuts scooted back to his desk, turning on his desktop computer, and hastily typing in a command. On the screen flared to life a radar readout of the surrounding area. Overlaid with over the center point of the radar was a blue dot, pinging with increasing ferocity, as well as the initial instrument blaring with a similarly worrying ferocity. Before Andonuts could register the implications of this, that whatever was traveling through time was right on top of him, a portal opened on the opposite wall. When the blinding light dissipated, Andonuts was momentarily knocked daft by what he saw.

"Lucas? Ness? Oh my goodness boy, it's been millennia since I've seen y-" he paused when he saw the others in the room. He didn't know the bear, the bird, or the alien, but he knew the mech robot,

"Doctor Andonuts, I wish I could stay for a chat, but we need…", Ness intentionally trailed off, pointing towards The Absolutely Safe Capsule, which was standing in the corner of the room.

"I would question your judgment, but perhaps I'm better off not knowing" grumbled Andonuts

"I'm Banjo, and these are my pals Kazooie and Mewtwo. With all due respect, we need a place where we can get a runnin' start on that thing."

The old doctor sighed, "Alright, we can move this out into the parking lot."

Soon, the group was standing in the parking lot, The Absolutely Safe Capsule over by itself, while the rest of the group was a few feet away watching, "Now, before you two get started," said Doctor Andonuts to Banjo and Kazooie, "You should know that this was designed specifically to be unbreakable."

Kazooie blew a raspberry, "There isn't anything my Wonderwing can't break! Banjo, you ready?"

"You betcha pal."

Mario cleared his throat, "How many of these golden feathers do you have?" he asked.

"I can only carry ten at a time, but Banjo and I have been training ever since the car thing, so the effect…erm…lasts longer."

Banjo uncharacteristically snickered.

"AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CONSTANTLY NAGS ME FOR BEING IMMATURE? PUH-LEEZE."

"Not the time or the place," growled Mario, snapping back to normal, "Okay, so we have ten attempts to make this work. Whenever you're ready-a guys."

Kazooie put her wings down out in front of her, while Banjo ran forward, a golden hue erupted from her wings as the duo collided with the Capsule.

Kazooie let out a squawk of pain before exclaiming, "Jinjo on a cracker that hurt!"

Mario raised an eyebrow, "Does it not normally?"

"Nah, but if you're relying on us to get the job done, I'm gonna have to put up with it."

Mario nodded, "Okay, whenever you're ready."

Another Wonderwing. Than another. On the fourth, Andonuts noticed a crack in the capsule.

"My word…" gasped Andonuts.

"Alright, Mewtwo, be ready," ordered Mario.

Mewtwo nodded.

Meanwhile, Kazooie was having a rare moment of self-doubt, "Banjo…my wings are freakin' mush, I don't know that I could do it again."

"Just pretend the Capsule is Bottles."

An impish smile tugged at Kazooie's beak, "Now you're speaking my language Banjo," she mused with an evil chuckle.

"Go!" Mario commanded, "One more time!"

"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER GEEKY!" Kazooie shouted as Banjo took off towards the capsule again, "HI-YAH!"

Colliding with the Absolutely Safe Capsule again with so much force that the duo barreled over it, rolling onto the ground a few inches away. But, the deed was done, as the front of the capsule broke away from the rest of it.

"Mewtwo now!" said Mario

Using his psychic power, Mewtwo picked up the chubby gray-haired boy as he gasped for air, plopping him into the robot, and closing the latch, As he did, the boy stopped squirming, and the internals flared to life,

"Eheehee, now we're back in business! Ness, Lucas, I've waited years to say this, eat crap!" crowed Porky

From one of the pockets of his overalls, Mario pulled what would appear to be a detonator out of it, flipping open the top, "Before you do go acting foolish, let me explain your circumstances, I'm Mario. We never met, but I was on the other side of the Subspace War. Tabuu's back at it again, and The Super Smash Brothers would like you to implore you to work for us."

"Tabuu offered me a pretty sweet deal old man. Thanks, but no thanks" sneered Minch.

Mario smirked, "Ah, I figured as much. That's-a what this baby is for." Mario stated, running his hand over the base of the detonator, "The mech you're in, while a carbon copy of your old one, has a new feature. It's effectively a working Subspace Bomb. If you act against my orders at any-a point, nothing in this-a universe or any other could bring you back. If you follow the rules, you'll have access to all the rights and privileges the other Smashers do. Am I clear?"

Porky grumbled, "I suppose. But what if I don't want to be in your stupid little tournament?"

Mario shrugged, "That's your right I suppose, but then again, there's no chance you'll get to go one on one with Ness and Lucas if they advanced."

Porky smirked, "I gotta beat Ness an' Lucas, I gotta!" the boy whined.

"Then fight your best and respect your elders. Come, we have much to discuss." Mario explained as he typed in the code in his communicator to make a portal to the mansion appear. Ness, Lucas, Mewtwo, Mario, and Porky stepped through it, with Kazooie carrying Banjo as the ran to jump through.

When they appeared in the grand foyer Wario was waiting for them, "When the psychic shrimps-a left through a portal, I knew it had to be you! Porky you beautiful son of a gun! How ya been?"

"Me, I've been absolutely safe!" howled Porky with laughter, "What about you generalismo!"

"Oh you know me! Money, beautiful women, and more money! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"AHAHAHAHA" howled Porky once again,

"WAHAHAHAHA"

"AHAHAHAHAHA!"
"WAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! C'mon kid I'll show ya to our room!" chortled Wario.

"Our room! You mean we're gonna be roommates? This is gonna be an absolute delight. See you, nerds, later."

"Arceus help us all." groaned Mewtwo as soon as the two villains were out of earshot

Suddenly, Lucas' eyes widened, "Wait a minute, didn't you say Porky's mech was essentially a Subspace Bomb?"

"Yeah, I did," Mario said matter-of-factly

"What if we have to…you know." Lucas asked with a gulp

"Oh I wouldn't worry about dat-a too much. ROB's been studying how to close Subspace portals manually, and we built the mech once we had a breakthrough."

"O-okay"

"Relax Lucas, it's Mario, don'tcha think he has a plan?" interjected Ness.

"Well yeah, but what if Porky has a plan?"

"We'll cross that bridge when-a we come to it Lucas, don't worry" Mario explained, before raising his wrist communicator to talk into it, "ROB, have Doctor Mario prep an examination for Kazooie, we might have a wing injury on our hands."

"Affirmative" came the voice of ROB

"You don't know the half of it." moaned Kazooie, "C'mon big guy," she said, patting Banjo on the head as they left for the medical bay

There was a moment of silence with the remaining four Smashers before Mario broke it, "You all did good. You're dismissed."

"Great! Hey, Lucas, I think it's taco night in the cafeteria!" Ness cheered

"O-okay." Lucas stuttered as the two boys left

Mewtwo teleported away, leaving Mario with his thoughts. What if Porky did have a plan?

No, Mario, you can't be questioning your judgment or you might-a not be able to think quickly in the heat of the moment

Mario breathed a sigh of relief, before heading off to get changed for dinner.

(AN: I hope you enjoy my 20 picks so the roster rounds out at a nice cool 100. Next is Goro Akechi, thanks for reading!)