Author's note :

Thank you all so much for reading my story, please leave a review if you have anything to say, I'll read it all ! Without further ado... Brace yourselves !

Chapter 5 - Out of Time

Mitsuri looked out the window to her right, everything was dark except for a few streetlamps here and there, they gave some kind of ethereal glow to the streets below. She kept looking at them as they passed by, one by one, the swift motion of the car was lulling her senses and she could probably fall asleep on the spot… if it weren't for the person sitting in the drivers'seat.

The car radio played some playlist in the background, too low for her to catch what the songs were, it enhanced the feeling she had of being in another world, or rather, being in-between different worlds.

Mitsuri turned her head from the window to the side and chanced a glance at Obanai. He appeared fully focused on the road ahead - for which she was thankful considering she had been drinking a little before catching up with him. She took the opportunity of his attention being directed elsewhere to openly stare at him, to ogle him, really.

In the dark, all she could see was his profile, his nose and mouth still hidden behind the mask, his wild eyes turned to the road, his hands flexing on the steering wheel and the black of his clothes hiding the rest of him. She wanted to stare at him for hours, just to memorize each and every part he'd let her examine.

The car was quiet of their voices now, but they had spoken quite a lot at first. Asking each other mundane questions about the party and the group of people that surrounded him, and that had chosen to surround her as well from the moment she had arrived. She had asked him about Shinobu and Sanemi, the two she had spoken to the most; but she had also asked about Giyuu and Kyôjurô - that one's presence she was still so surprised about.

And Obanai had answered each and every one of them, he had told her about how they met - they all practiced some kind of combat sport together, which explained the massive differences between all of their personalities - yet they all had found something in common between each other, a sense of kinship, that much was clear for her to see. A place to belong… That was something Mitsuri had been looking for all her life, it seemed, something she hadn't felt like she deserved, after all that her family had put in her mind. She couldn't help but long for something like that, it was only natural, she was only human, after all.

Mitsuri closed her eyes once more, the soft music and motion kept calling her and telling her to sleep… She just had to let go, of the anxiety, of the doubts, in this moment in time and space, she truly felt safe. Safer than she ever had before. Her head still turned to him, she sighed a little and kept her eyes closed. Just for a couple of minutes, she thought, just to rest and enjoy this, enjoy him.

They had been driving around town for nearly an hour now, and Obanai knew he'd have to stop eventually, and let her go. The thought of that was excruciating, this moment was too good, too perfect even, to end.

The two of them had talked a lot and he couldn't even recognize himself. Actively participating in conversations had always been more than difficult for him, a terrible ordeal from which he found no pleasure - only embarrassment. But with her, with Mitsuri… everything was so different, so natural. She talked and she laughed so freely, she held nothing back and somehow, witnessing her like this meant that he couldn't hold anything back either.

Every question she had asked, he had found the courage to answer, to elaborate, and to question something back to. He didn't do it out of politeness, he was interested. Interested in everything she had to say, every opinion she wanted to share, every part of herself she didn't fear to expose - and he cherished it all. He wanted it all.

How could one feel so alive only because of the presence of someone else ? Obanai truly could not understand the sheer need that he kept feeling: the need to expose himself, expose everything, to her. She listened and she joked and she smiled and she cared - for all of it. He, who was so used to seeing himself as nothing but a burden on everyone who surrounded him. He, who had never been able to find any real value in his own presence, or thoughts and opinions… In this time and space, with her, he existed, truly existed.

This moment could not end, when every piece of the puzzle seemed to fit and things felt right and real. Obanai wanted to be selfish, for once in his life, he had found something truly good, something he shared with nobody else, something that was his alone.

He looked around as he kept driving and thought of where to go, of what to do. He cast a quick glance at the woman sitting beside him. His breath caught in his throat. Mitsuri was asleep. Or nearly so. Her head was angled his way, but her eyes were closed and her lips had softly opened, a clear sign that she had dozed off.

Fuck. She was so beautiful, a true vision. Her hair was framing her face and her long lashes cast a shadow on her cheeks, she looked unreal, out of this world. Suddenly, Obanai wasn't sure she was even real, no one had ever trusted him so fully as to fall asleep in his vicinity, let alone in his own car, with no way of running away from him and his weird self, personality, body…

He couldn't wake her up, he wouldn't dare disturb her in a peaceful slumber. His eyes took to the road once more and he decided on a course of actions. He drove as swiftly as possible, hoping to let her undisturbed and went on a smaller path that led up a hill. The hill offered a beautiful view on the entire town and was generally unoccupied due to the steep climb that led to it.

It took only ten minutes for him to reach the top and find a quiet spot where he could park his car. He turned the ignition and stopped the car, only leaving the quiet music playing on the radio. He turned to the passenger seat once more and checked on Mitsuri. She was still fast asleep beside him.

After hesitating for what felt like an eternity, Obanai tentatively moved his hand close to her. Before he could think too hard on it and take back his hand, he gently stroked her cheek. Her skin was so soft and upon touching her, there was nothing else he could think of… Only one thought circulated in his head, reaching every corner of his brain and waking every nerve in his body; he wondered if she was that soft everywhere else.

Mitsuri sighed a little a burrowed even deeper in the passenger seat. Obanai's heart did a painful squeeze and his hand froze next to her face. He took a centering breath, then another, but the feeling inside of him had taken root and his insides felt like they were all over the place.

He stroked her other cheek this time, and tried to speak, but only a hoarse whisper managed to come out of him. "Mitsuri… Wake up…" he tried to speak as gently as possible, as to not startle her. She stirred a little and opened her eyes, he took his hand back just as soon, even though he felt like it was the last thing he'd ever wanted to do.

"Obanai…?" she looked a bit confused for a second, blinking and trying to lift the haze that must have come over her when she fell asleep. "Was I sleeping ?" she asked shyly, and even with only the moon as light, he could see the twinge of pink that colored her cheeks.

"You were," he managed to reply, "I must be a good driver."

"Yes," she replied, "You really are!" she looked a bit more aware of their position and straightened in her seat before looking around. "Did we stop somewhere?" she wondered aloud, not really addressing the question to him but more generally, it seemed.

"Uh.. yes. I thought you might like the view up here, but if you're too tired, I can take you home." He tried to offer that without letting his anxiety coloring his words, without any desperation being noticeable, but he wanted her to stay, here, with him. More than anything else in the world.

"No ! It's ok !" she rushed the words out and looked back at him, seeming eager. "Do you want to get out of the car ?" she finally asked.

"Yes, I have something to show you."

Obanai opened the car door and slipped outside, the air was still pretty warm, though you could feel that fall was about to settle down on them - up on the hill, the wind was decidedly cooler than down in the streets. He swiftly walked around his car and arrived just in time to offer his hand and help her out of her seat. She looked at him for a few seconds, as if in wonder before she finally placed her hand in his and let him guide her. Suddenly, that innocent gesture had taken a whole other meaning and he felt the echoes of what passed between them all around his body. Mitsuri shivered.

"Wait here," he immediately told her upon seeing her falling prey to the cold air. He went behind his car and opened his trunk, he quickly grabbed something and went back to her. She looked at him questioningly and he simply handed over a black sweater that he had left in his car a few days prior when leaving the dojo where he trained with his friends. "You look cold." was all he said, not elaborating further.

Mitsuri didn't even hesitate before grabbing the sweater and sliding it over her head. He watched her all the while and he felt his blood reach boiling temperatures, running in his veins and burning everything in its wake. He watched and drank the sight of her, wearing something of his and the feeling that erupted in him was close to insanity. He watched her, and just as soon as she had put the sweater on, he pictured himself tearing it off of her, along with every other piece of clothing she wore, so he could watch more of her, all of her.

As soon as the sweater was on, he noticed that it was still a little too big for her, he always wore clothes that were oversized, hoping to hide his smaller stature from everyone. Obanai took a step closer to her and she didn't move away - which made him marvel every time - he took her hand, which was engulfed in his sweater, and folded the sleeve to make her more comfortable. He did it for one hand, and when she didn't protest his closeness nor his touch, he repeated the careful motion on her other hand.

He forced himself to let go of her, now that he no longer had any excuse for laying his hands on her body and watched her watching him. "Better yet ?" he quietly asked.

"Yes. Thank you." Mitsuri answered just as quietly, her cheeks still tinged with pink and her eyes aglow in the dark, she was definitely unreal, there was no other way around it. A product of his dreams, of his most hidden fantasies.

Move. Yes. Obanai had to move, move himself away from her, and move away from his car, he had come here with a purpose, to show her something beautiful, something peaceful, something he had never shown anybody else in his life. Until now, because it was her, and in his mind, she had become the most beautiful, most peaceful thing for him.

"Come with me," he started walking, struggling to find a reason why he shouldn't take her hand, the only thing that came to mind was that he was Obanai Iguro and there was no way in hell anyone would ever willingly take his hand. He was about to tuck them in his pockets, hoping it would physically hold them close, but he felt her touch before he could do anything. Her fingers were cold and she was looking at everything but him, mostly the ground, but she took his hand in hers, still.

"Sorry, it's very dark." she apologized before he could say anything else, like reject her, like he'd do that to her, ever. He didn't reply, only squeezed her hand in his, silently agreeing because he'd take any excuse to be close to her, and this one was as good as any.

He led her through some trees, the only sounds around them came from their feet on the forest ground and the night creatures surrounding them, in the trees, in the sky, and on the bushes. They made their way through it all without exchanging a word, somehow they didn't need to. With Mitsuri's hand in his, Obanai felt that same connection they seemed to share come to life and he just knew. He knew that she trusted him, that she wasn't afraid of being somewhere unknown, with him.

Soon enough, they reached their destination. He tugged her along a small path he alone seemed to know, he hoped he was the only one, anyway. The trees cleared around them and they walked up the final steps to where he wanted to take her all along.

"Wow…" Mitsuri breathlessly exclaimed, she stepped closer to him and peered a little more at the sight before them. "It's incredible, Obanai !" she beamed up at him and laughed at the marvelous sight that she was witnessing for the first time.

Mitsuri couldn't keep her eyes off the view. They were on top of some kind of cliff, way higher that she had ever thought they could be. Down the cliffside, the forest continued, pine trees and all sorts of different forest giants occupied the grounds. Further away, the city lights formed a halo in the night, she could see the tallest building standing out from the smaller structures surrounding them, she could see the campus grounds at the edge of town, a city inside a city.

She could see it all, and it felt magical. Mitsuri then glanced up at the night sky and audibly gasped. The stars shone brightly above their heads, so brightly in fact that she could have counted them all. She wanted to raise her hand and reach for them, surely, they were not that far away ? She was amazed by what she was seeing, what she was experiencing. This night was out of time, limitless, a glimpse of infinity, surely.

Mitsuri took a step closer, she felt like she could walk up some invisible stairs that would take her all the way up there, in another world. She felt a gentle tug on her hand and turned her head back down.

"Careful of the edge," Obanai had spoken softly, like he didn't want to disturb her in her thoughts, and he was looking at her, his eyes looked soft too.

Oh, right. Mitsuri tried to grasp a thread of reality and took a small step back, bringing their bodies closer together. Once again, he tugged her hand a little as he crouched down.

"Do you wanna sit down ?" He asked her, and she didn't think twice about it, simply sat down next to him, her hand still in his, her body closer to him than ever before.

They sat in silence for some time, she kept looking up at the sky, trying to decipher the constellations that she could remember from the small astrology online class she had once taken. With her eyes, she traced the invisible lines that connected the stars to form astral shapes between them.

But after some time, she looked back at him. And he was still gazing at her. Why was he gazing at her, and not at the incredible landscape that spread infinitely in front of them ? Why was he looking at her like she was as beautiful as the night sky that enveloped their world in a magical glow ?

"Have you been here, before ?" she asked him, even though she could guess the answer. She just wanted to speak with him, like they had spoken before, in his car, like it was natural, this thing between them, and not something that had risen from her imagination.

"Yes," he kept looking at her as he spoke, "I found this place a couple of years ago, I come here when I want to be alone and at peace."

Oh, but how she understood, this place was unreal, she couldn't have imagined it if she hadn't seen it for herself. She couldn't have described it to anyone without sounding like she had smoked something that had probably messed with her eyesight. This place was out of their world, out of reach, a haven for the soul. And suddenly, Mitsuri wondered, and she couldn't keep the question inside of her mind, "Have you ever taken someone here, before tonight ?"

"No." His answer was quiet, soft like the wind that rustled the leaves on the trees that encircled them, soft like the glow of the streetlamps that haloed bellow their feet, soft like the starry sky that veiled the world at this time of the night. Yet it was her, that he was looking at.

"It's so beautiful, isn't it ?" the words caught in her throat and only a whisper came out. But her eyes lingered on his face, and she kept them there, because he was beautiful, too. Even though she couldn't see his entire face, even though she had only ever glimpsed at everything that made him who he was. It was clear to her, that he was good, that he was as stunning as the view that existed at this place, in this time.

"Yes, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Somehow, the words she heard did not feel like they were directed at the scenery. Considering his eyes hadn't left her the whole time, everything felt more personal. Mitsuri felt her cheeks blush deeply. Not that they weren't in this embarrassing state before - but she knew that it was even worse now.

She turned her eyes to the sky once more and resumed basking in the ethereal atmosphere that had spread all around them. She felt like an intruder of some kind, a misplaced body in the universe, who could never belong anywhere close to such beauty. The wind blew on her face and she shivered once more. Instinctively, she scooted on the ground closer to Obanai, but didn't dare look at his face. She could feel the warmth emanating from him. Where it came from, she had no idea considering she was very much cold and she was wearing his sweater.

He let go of her hand, the only part of her body that was then warm. But before she could even register the loss, he carefully grabbed her waist and dragged her in between his legs. Her back hit his chest and his arms encircled her. Warm… he was so warm, and she hadn't resisted the contact at any point, because this was him and he was safe and she had a trust for him that was so big, she couldn't pinpoint where it came from or when it had appeared, maybe it had been there all along.

From the moment they had met, something had taken root in her heart, and it had kept growing ever since. Taking up space in the many empty pits of her heart, filling them up to the brim and then overflowing over the rest of her. Just like the warmth of his body was now circulating in her every pore, it felt like there were no barriers between them.

Although their bodies were clothed, their souls were naked, bared for the other to see, and for them only.

"Is this ok ?" he murmured in the shell of her hear, another shiver racked her body, goosebumps erupting over every inch of skin covering her bones. His hold on her tightened some more, he was trying to keep her from the cold. But that particular shiver hadn't been born in response to the cool wind that blew on them, but rather out of Mitsuri's blood pumping through her body at lightening speed, because he was so close and his voice was so deep and his body was like a magnet, calling her in, deeper.

"Yes," there was nothing more she could say, she burrowed a little more in his arms, he let her do it. The soft scent he wore enveloped her, first from the sweater she was wearing, then from his body being pressed so close to hers. Acting like a powerful drug, it only enticed her to explore, to feel, to take. She wanted it all from him.

But the thought, in bearing so much strength, made her grasp another thread of reality. She couldn't get so carried away, she was already dreaming about Obanai Iguro way too much for this to be healthy. If he obsessed her every thought before, surely now he had gotten her addicted. To this feel of him, the smell of him, all that lacked was the taste of him. And how she wanted to taste him, his skin, his body, his lips.

Fuck. She was too far gone already. Mitsuri saw no way out, and it scared her. Because if this was one-sided, if he didn't want her the same way she so desperately wanted him, then this was going to be a problem. What if that string that seemed to bring them together, and bring them closer and closer every time, what if that string was in fact nothing more than a figment of her imagination ?

She had thought she was loved before, had thought she had worth and was desirable for not only her body but also her soul. When all that had been ripped to shreds, she had thought herself destroyed, broken, forever maimed. Until she had realized that she hadn't even loved the person that left her with the lowest self-esteem. She hadn't even loved him. Hadn't desired him that way, hadn't felt lust like never before at the sheer closeness of their bodies.

Mitsuri Kanroji remembered then. She was not worth something like that, someone like that, she was not worth him. She wanted to run, far away from here, from him and everything that she felt for him already. It was too much, too powerful already, too soon. She was barely trying to build the foundations on which she would lay the ground for her to find confidence and esteem, first in herself, then in others. This thing with Obanai, it had the power not only to erase that, but to tear her apart so fully, so thoroughly, that she would never be able to build these foundations again.

Mitsuri's heart was beating in her throat and her breaths were coming out short. She raised her head at the sky, hoping for clarity, praying for answers, and she got none of that, because when she reached for the stars, all the saw was a black void. It was calling her, threatening to fill her up, to swallow her whole.

She couldn't feel anything, anymore, and she couldn't catch her breath. Drowning. She was drowning in a black sea, it was made of oil and it was ugly. Crawling over her skin and filling her mouth, promising to go down her throat and suffocate her lungs. Panic. This was panic in its barest, strongest form, and it had taken her over.

Mitsuri suddenly felt hands on her face, the contact was jarring because it was so gentle. No one had ever touched her face in anything but disgust, or anger, or hurtful desire. Her eyes blinked a few times and she tried to concentrate. Then she found a gaze of teal and gold, a gaze she had become accustomed to because it haunted her every waking moment. The hands grazed her cheeks, her forehead, her neck, touching everything. And every time they touched something, the soil of the black sea of panic receded and she found herself again, bit by bit, piece after piece.

She tried to look at the heterochromatic eyes of the man who was going to destroy her, she was sure of that now, her eyesight wasn't so obscured anymore and she still found peace in them.

Too late, she thought. It was too late, she already loved him.

He was talking to her, helping her breathe, she realized. Her lungs slowly filled with air, and it wasn't so painful anymore, the soot was gone, the panic was crawling out of her. She kept breathing with him, her eyes filled with tears, but she couldn't let them flow, she knew she shouldn't. She blinked and one still escaped her eye, it trailed down her cheek until Obanai caught it and brushed it away with the gentlest hands there was.

She loved him already and in doing this, she signed the end of her, she just knew it. Too late, it's already too late, anyway. She found the strength to move and she raised her arms. She would not take that cursed mask from him, she had no right or power to do that, but she slid her arms around his torso and burrowed her face in his chest.

No more tears fell from her eyes, she would not let them, not anymore, never again. She felt his arms come around her and squeeze her aching body with a force she wished she could muster. Her ears listened to his beating heart, it was frantic, just like hers. Two souls mirroring each other. She stayed close and waited for him to settle down alongside her.

"It's ok," she kept repeating against his shirt, "I'm sorry," and "It's ok," she kept whispering it, trying to appease him, the way he had appeased her. He rose on his feet and took her with him. She clutched the shirt at his back, not ready to let go.

It's already too late. She wanted to tell him, but she said "I'm ok, now" instead, and repeated it until he started believing it, believing her.

After a long while, she managed to detach herself from him and looked at the night sky. The stars were back, and she prayed to them, asking for a way - not out of this, it was already too late for that - but for a way through the darkness, so she could walk free of her fears, hand in hand with someone she loved.

The stars gave no answer, they never did. But Obanai slid his hand to her waist, kept her as close as could be and whispered, "Let's go home."

He guided her down the hill, along a path he only seemed to see. Very quickly, they found his car. He opened the passenger door for her and guided her inside, his touch was gentle but his arms were strong, reliable. Not long after, she felt rather than saw him slide in the drivers' seat.

"Can you give me your address, Mitsuri ?" he asked, and his voice was as kind as his hands had been.

She gave it to him and apologized again. She had been doing that a lot on their walk down from the cliff. He had brushed her off every time, he just knew, he just understood, she felt it in every word he spoke to her. She was a mess. Surely, she had ruined it now, ruined whatever this was, whatever this could be. Somehow, this thought was the saddest she had had all night.

He drove down swiftly, time flew by and when she looked out of the window, she saw her apartment building, close to campus and in a narrow street, tranquil and well-lit, this was her new home.

She didn't even register the engine cutting off, Mitsuri blinked and found herself half-carried by Obanai out of her seat. She walked quietly to the door, he followed beside her, he was making sure she was safe, he was good like that, she knew it.

"I'm so sorry, Obanai." she was a mess and she was scared and she wanted him so bad, still. "Thank you for taking me home… Thank you for tonight, I loved it." I love you, she thought, but you're too good and it's too soon and I'm a fucking mess. Unspoken were the truest, yet harshest words she had ever thought.

"It's ok," he brought his hand close to her cheek once more, but hesitated before making contact. She took his hand and placed it on her cheek herself. He looked at her and unspoken were the words he kept close to his mind, to his heart, she saw, nonetheless.

She brushed her finger against his wrist and noticed something. A thin trail of blood, a wound reopened, a few scars marring his skin. She said nothing, she just knew, she just understood. He saw her eyes on his wrist and took his hand back carefully, tugging down his sleeve just as soon.

"Good night, Obanai." She simply said, she brushed his fingers with her own in what she hoped was a reassuring caress. She took out her keys and went inside her apartment building, not turning back.

This night had been out of time and space. It was now out of time and space that it existed, on a cliff somewhere, under a starry sky, unmarred by the ugliness of scars that are too deep to heal, untainted by the perverse words that cut the purest heart. A testament of the love that could still arise from the ashes of people's souls. This love was a flickering flame, ready to be put out by fear and anxiety, unless the two very souls from which it was born chose to protect it, against their biggest enemy, themselves.