When I'm falling for the sake of just falling
I open my eyes and I start to see
That everybody's felt the same as me
And I realise suddenly
That I'm in good company
- Good Company by Nick Wilson

/WARNING: Abuse and domestic violence mentioned/

I met him more times in this way and with each time we exchanged more words, until finally there were long conversations between us, and we also met together with Lily. I quickly joined them both in studying in the library. It was nice to suddenly have two new people who seemed genuinely interested in me.
So, a kind of friendship developed between us three. I spent most of my time with Lily, we were almost inseparable by now - whether in the common room, at meals at the Gryffindor table or in lessons where we now sat next to each other. Before that I didn't have a steady partner as Mary and Alice always worked together and I sometimes felt like the third wheel in the wagon.
But Lily had so many friends in all houses that she changed places often before. She was mostly with Dorcas Meadowes and Marlene McKinnon from Ravenclaw, Owen Macmillan and Wanda Smith from Hufflepuff and Eleanor McClaggan and Leanne Jordan from Gryffindor. Or Severus Snape, who was the only one at her side from the House of the Snake. And he was actually the one I found most interesting. I found it very pleasant to talk to him, because he was very well-read and intelligent. He had an intriguing sort of dry humour - his sarcasm often made me laugh, which Lily raised her eyebrows at, as she took it more as insults or "doomsaying."
Because I was beginning to like him, I was surprised when I found out that he had such difficult friends as Avery, Rosier or Mulciber.
Lily, of course, thought it was nice that Severus and I were slowly becoming friends, too. She hoped that we could both influence him positively.
But it wasn't as easy as she imagined. He was deep into black magic spells and thoughts.
On the way to the Halloween feast, he told us about some curses I had never heard of. He knew so many of them that it made me uncomfortable. I bit my bottom lip about this as I startled as the bats buzzed overhead.
"Catherine, are you afraid of the decorations?" Lily said, her red hair fell to her shoulders and her mouth formed a laugh.
"No, I was just thinking." I answered confused, I've never been torn out of my thoughts so sudden.
I wanted to move on quickly to end the awkward situation, but suddenly, my feet slipped out from under me. I snapped at Lily and Severus, who were both holding me.
"You have a tendency to be clumsy, don't you?" asked Severus with a mocking grin, his black eyes sparkled to me.
"Kind of, I'm sorry." I was uncomfortable revealing that side of myself. They both let go of me slowly.
"I honestly find it amusing," Lily laughed, and already the blush on my face was disappearing.
She knew exactly what to say to make people feel comfortable. I was very grateful to her for that, because I felt how good my friendship with her was. I knew that my friendship with Lily had given me the strength to open up and share more with others, which had also led to my now connecting with her other friends and actually feeling comfortable with it, much to my surprise.
Severus turned his head down to the cause of my slip.
"Oh, not again," Severus rolled his eyes in annoyance as his gaze led down the corridor towards the dungeons.
The stairs to the Slytherin common room were haunted, as they were every year for Halloween festivities. This year, icy steps led the way up to the Great Hall and I slipped on a spur of ice.
"It gets boring eventually," Severus stated. He narrowed his eyes and followed the track of ice that spread more and more in the entrance hall.
Boom, someone from the House of the Snake must have slipped down in the dungeon.
"Bloody hell!" the voice of Mulciber cried angrily.
"I'd better go and help him. Then I have to find Professor Slughorn. It's not that I don't know how to remove the curse, but I think he should see this. Maybe we can find out how this happened." Severus said, annoyed. "I'll see you later, though, yeah?" His eyes twinkled at Lily.
"Sure, Sev. See you later!" she said gleefully.
We both walked over to our communal table and marvelled at the delicious food. My gaze roamed the entire room.
Rubeus Hagrid's vast pumpkins had been carved into lanterns large enough for three men to sit in, and there were rumours that Albus Dumbledore had booked a troupe of dancing skeletons for the entertainment. There was always some more entertainment at the end, which might be by the Hogwarts ghosts who popped out of the walls and did formation gliding. It was a highly anticipated feast which most Hogwarts students looked forward to every year. Even if I could have done without the bats, I found it just magical, like every year.
I immediately grabbed some of the delicious beans with mashed potatoes, because pumpkin wasn't my cup of tea.
"I wonder who gets a kick out of jinxing the entrance to the dungeons every year," Lily asked quietly. She tossed her hair and her scent of violets drifted over to me. Her full lips were forward, forming a contemptuous triangle.
My gaze wandered through the rows, chewing, and lingered on James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. They were talking with smiles on their faces and seemed very pleased with themselves.
"I have a pretty good idea," I replied. Lily followed my gaze to the loud boys.
"You're starting to sound as paranoid as Severus. He thinks the Four are behind everything, too." she said and leaned back again, crossing her arms and pursing her lips again.
"And if they were?" I asked her seriously.
"Surely Professor Dumbledore would have done something about that by now. But they only get detention, so it can never be anything serious." she said firmly, still not relaxing her aversion to my idea of the mischief makers.
I looked to Professor Dumbledore. Albus Dumbledore was tall, thin, and old, his hair and beard both long enough to tuck into his belt. He wore long robes, a purple cloak that swept the floor, and high-heeled boots with buckles. His blue eyes were bright, and sparkled behind half-moon glasses, and his nose was very long and hooked.
The head of Slytherin house, Professor Slughorn, was just leaning over to him and whispering something in his ears, which amused the schoolmaster and he stood up smiling and took a quick glance at the boys at the Gryffindor table. Then the headmaster disappeared with the Potions Professor. It seemed as if Professor Dumbledore knew exactly who was behind all this. So much for the principal punishing the guilty fairly.
Suddenly, Mary sat down next to me. She had braided her dark brown hair. Her blue eyes rested on me for a moment.
"It's good to see you, Mary. Are you feeling better?" I asked her excitedly. I was happy to see her again. She had had to spend the last few days in the hospital wing, as the after-effects of her attacks had not yet fully healed.
"Oh, that awful headache I always have. But they're confident at St. Mungo's that they'll soon find something to keep them away," she answered me confidently.
"Good to hear." I said while emptying my plate hungrily.
"But I see you have good company without me." We turned to Lily, who was engrossed in a conversation with Daniel Wood, the Quidditch Captain, about the last game.
"Yeah, we've become friends. And I like her." I stated with satisfaction.
"Oh, everyone likes her, Catherine. And Alice? I don't suppose she'll let a leaf slip between her and Frank?" asked Mary with a small grin.
Our eyes wandered to the lovers, who were feeding each other. Disgusted, I turned away again.
"No, you didn't miss anything there, Mary."
"And I see Black is still looking so incredibly handsome." she said in a dreamy voice and eyed him while Sirius was laughing at something James had told him. I rolled my eyes over it.
She'd always had a soft spot for him, but he usually didn't pay her any mind. It even seemed like he only had eyes for his three friends.
"I like his barking laugh it's so honest. And his hair and his bright eyes. Oh, I wish he'd ask me to go to Slughorn's party together this time.", she said and seemed slightly absent. Slughorn's party. It was always a nightmare for me in the common room to listen to those who were lucky enough to be invited there. But Mary was always by my side. Unlike Alice, I guess we weren't interesting and talented enough to catch Professor Slughorn's attention.
"Hey, Macdonald. Are you up and running again? We still haven't found a good replacement for you as hunter.", asked Daniel Wood loud.
"I hope to be back at it. When are the next trainings?" asked Mary, now sitting down next to Daniel to hear the latest tactics.
"Oh, I guess I'll never understand this passion," I stated to Lily. I just never found it interesting enough. People on brooms try to hit each other in the flank. Often quite violent. Because of a game.
"How can you, when you so rarely watch games?" Lily asked, but she also seemed a little amused.
"I do watch the Gryffindor ones, after all. If only to watch Mary play." I replied, slightly offended that my dislike for it wasn't accepted.
"Maybe your passions just lie elsewhere," Lily stated with a giggle. I blushed slightly. Why did she say that?
"What do you mean?" I asked nervously.
"Oh, come on. You're so interested in Herbology, I've often wondered if it's because of Professor Barry's successor."
"Professor Hastings? Please, he's much too old." Although Professor Hastings wasn't bad looking and I liked him. He must have been in his late 30s.
"But not unattractive." said Lily laughing.
"Who are you talking about?" the loud voice of James Potter suddenly asked.
"I can tell you who we're not talking about- you!", I said, startled myself at my harsh tone towards James. What had he done to me? Was it the fact that he was always maltreating Severus? Yes, this seemed to be the cause of my anger.
"Come on, let's go. We were supposed to meet Sev after all," Lily said, standing up.
"Oooh, in a particularly good mood again today, ladies?" asked Sirius, his eyes wandered over Lily, who pushed her plate aside and gracefully rose from the benches, which I wouldn't be able to do so well.
"Maybe it's because of you guys." said Lily glancing sideways at James, who was gaping at her. And we walked over to the exit where Severus was already waiting for us.
"What did Slughorn mean? Has he gotten a grip on the bewitchment?"; Lily asked him directly, her eyebrows raised slightly.
"Yes, with a hint from Dumbledore, the matter was settled. Mulciber, on the other hand, has broken his leg, he is in the hospital wing this night," Severus said with a serious face.
"It's right for him after what he did to Mary," Lily said a little snappy, Severus grimaced.
"Really? Do we want to argue about it again? It was nothing different from what just happened. And Potter and his friends-" Severus began, but Lily cut him off.
"No, Severus. It's not like witching an ice rink and hitting someone like that... and besides, you don't know if James is responsible!" she said in a loud voice, putting her hands threateningly on her hips. Severus looked at his friend and his jaw clenched tightly as if it would stop him from disagreeing. When his gaze swept over me for a moment, I plucked up my courage and stepped in.
"I don't think anyone should do things like that. Neither witching ice surfaces in the corridors so that someone from the opposing house gets hurt, nor attacking someone personally, as Mulciber did," I said, stepping a little between the two. Both of them now turned to me with widened eyes, so that I blushed at the fact that I was at the center of this argument.
"I can agree with that," Severus said softly, looking uncertainly at Lily, who had already lost her tension. She looked at Severus for a moment with a wrinkled nose before a smile spread across her mouth again.
"Good," she said curtly and nodded, which immediately made Severus look up and relax. I, on the other hand, exhaled louder than usual, glad to have nipped this argument in the bud, although I felt that both of them had already gone through some of them.
"What else do we want to do on this Halloween evening?" Lily asked in a clearly friendly voice.
"We still have an hour until the curfew."; I interjected and received an approving hum from Severus.
"Oh, really. Aren't you in the mood for something exciting? Maybe we want to explore the terrain at night and-" Lily began with fiery eyes, but this time it was Severus who interrupted her.
"No, it's a full moon today," he said quickly, before clenching his jaws again. "I don't think it's a good idea to stay outside so late."
"All the better, when there is a full moon, we see more. What do you say, Catherine?" Lily said, and with her last question they both looked at me curiously. Lily's eyes were swayed with excitement, but Severus's... I couldn't make it out, but there was something in it that strongly warned me not to agree with Lily. In my head, the situation hammered at me and I briefly felt into myself, fathomed my feelings about it.
"Since we only have one hour left, it's not really worth it. Let's smuggle some pumpkin juice out of the Great Hall together and sit down in an empty classroom. Severus always wanted to show us Goblin Stone, didn't he?" I said, hoping to satisfy both of them and at the same time satisfy my need for harmony.
Severus looked at me relieved, his black bottomless eyes glaring at me, so that my knees seemed to soften for a moment, as if wax was irradiated by the sun for too long.
"Yes, that's an argument," Lily said with a smile. And so we spent a fun evening full of stinky sauce.

A few days later, I became a victim of a curse on my way to potions class. I was late because I had forgotten my schoolbook in the dormitory. So, I walked through the empty corridors alone.

Suddenly I heard noises, footsteps, whispers, and someone had caught me with some spells. Now I was hanging in the air with my legs up. My wand was on the floor about 10 feet away from me. I grumbled at this hair-raising action. Cursing someone from behind is just cowardly. To make matters worse, tears were shooting out of my eyes that could not be stopped because my tormentors had used not only "levicorpus" but also "clamare".

"This time you're the hanging one?" a familiar voice asked softly.

"Would you be so kind?" I asked, suppressing a grin because I was so glad it was him who found me although I was uncomfortable being in this position in front of him. But now I understood him, Severus seemed to feel similarly when I ran into him, and he depended on my help.

Severus grinned mischievously and with a sweep of his wand I landed gently on the floor.

"Thank you." I said. The tears ran down my face for just a moment before they stopped. I searched in my pocket for a handkerchief to wipe them away, but I reached into nothing.

"Take mine!" Severus said, handing me his old cotton handkerchief.

I took it gratefully and dabbed at my puffy face carefully. He watched me, his eyes squeezed shut. I wonder what he's thinking. If he was secretly amused by my situation?

"You should be more careful!" he said in his usual low guttural voice. But his words penetrated everything in my body now.

"Yeah, you really have to be prepared for anything around here in Hogwarts." I stated grimly, handing him back his handkerchief.

This constant witchcraft in the corridors seemed to have no end. I wasn't the only one who was annoyed about it. At the same time, I asked myself why he was late for class, too. But I didn't want to seem pushy and swallowed my curiosity.

Together we walked silently down to the dungeon. I considered saying something, but I wasn't a chatty person like Alice or was smart like Lily. I was still withdrawn even when walking next to a friend. The thought of it gave me an idea, I thought of something that had been on my mind for a while.

"Severus, I need your help!" I said and looked at him with sparkling eyes.

"With what?" he asked, irritated. He looked at me from the side and didn't seem used to hearing such a request. But he was exactly what I needed to implement my plan.

"Lily's birthday is on the 30th of January, isn't it? I thought of a surprise for her." I explained, my voice higher than usual with excitement. But that didn't seem to irritate him, and his face lit up.

"Yes, I'll be happy to help you with that. What do you have planned?" he asked and his voice sounded kind of excited at the thought of a surprise for Lily.

I quickly let him in my thoughts before we opened the dungeon door where all the students stared at us in surprise and with great curiosity. Not only the fact that neither of us were ever late anywhere, but that we were both late together seemed to set off a wave of whispered guesses. Oddly enough, I felt a certain pride in showing an association with him. I liked that some gaped at me like they just caught us both making out. Well, this idea finally made me blush.

Our tardiness earned us detention in the evening, but neither I nor Severus seemed to care. We liked sitting in Potions class anyway. Why would an extra hour bother us there?

And I secretly rejoiced at the thought of spending detention together with Severus.

At the detention in the evening, we were alone. We should weed out bad potion ingredients. So, we could both plan the surprise for Lilys birthday in peace.

After we wrapped this up, I casually emphasized:

"By the way, when is your birthday, Severus?" I asked, squinting at him while examining a jar of Mandrake roots.

"Why?" he asked, frowning and quickly dropped his jar of Flobberworms.

"Why not? We're friends." I asked, trying to sound natural. Why was he so secretive? What kept him from revealing more about himself? I've never had a problem getting information's. When I put my mind to it, people would tell me almost everything. Mary once told me it was my special quality. I am trustworthy and secretive. I had never thought much about it because most of the time I preferred to hold me back in communication.

"I might as well just ask Lily." I stated seemingly unconcernedly. Severus eyed me suspiciously.

"9th January." Severus replied after a while.

"Oh, that's soon. What are you planing? Do you have a wish?" I asked excitedly.

"A... wish?" His gaze was unsteady and I saw different emotions flare up behind his dark eyes. But the most present was probably surprise. Severus was actually astonished that I asked him if he wanted a gift and I suspected that nobody was interested in his past before.

"I'm not celebrate it. Never." he said with a chill in his voice that made my hair stand on end. I look at him. How can he never celebrate his birthday and be so dismissive of himself?

"And your family?" I asked. I immediately realized that it was an uncomfortable topic for him. His lower jaw protruded slightly and I fell how he suppresses his anger.

"They don't celebrate my birthday either." he said dryly with a rough voice.

I noticed how he struggled with himself. Should he tell me more? He visibly jingled with his thoughts and I chose a step that was unusual for me. I told something about myself, voluntarily.

"My parents don't think much of my birthdays either. But I always got a little gift." I said and sincerely hoped not to scare him off, but to encourage him to tell me more about himself. Actually, I wanted to know everything about him the whole time. But I practiced patience until he was ready, until our relationship was strong enough.

He looked at me in amazement and I nodded to back up my statement.

"My parents… are more concerned with themselves. They argue a lot and I... am not relevant." he said in a low voice, examining the Plangentines for their value, avoiding my gaze.

"I understand. And are your parents a wizard and a witch?" I asked curious. It was a fitting opportunity to learn more about him. But Severus blanched and was silent for a while before answering. I seemed to have found another problem area, something he disliked.

"My mother is a witch and my father a muggle. He despises magic. He despises my mother. He despises me." It obviously took a lot for him to tell me this and I grabbed his arm, feeling like I was helping him with it. But Severus flinched under my movement, he didn't seem used to contact. it made me sad that he wasn't used to it. But was I used to that myself?

I felt that touching him triggered something in me, something I had never felt in my life, something very pleasant and warm. But I quickly let go of him. I eyed him and seeing the pain in his eyes, even though his face was trying not to react.

"I'm very sorry, Severus. That must have meant a bad childhood for you." I realized sadly, because I was hoping it would be different for him, that he would have a family that loves him, appreciates him, would do anything for him because he deserved it. His brilliant mind deserved it, his slender frame deserved love, as did those beautiful deep eyes...

But Severus stood before me and looked at me in shock. Then he raised an eyebrow.

"What do you care?" he asked coldly.

It gave me a pang that he was saying that so harshly to me. I rarely sought closeness or connection with other people and he rejected me. I thought that we were just starting to deepen our friendship. Did he really still distrust me? Wasn't it something he needed as much as I did? What if he didn't have a loving family? Didn't he at least need friends then? Someone who cared about him the way I cared about him?

"Why are you surprised that I ask you this?" I asked because I didn't want to be easily shaken off by the cool facade he so often wore.

"You are no different than me. You don't really let anyone see through you. I know why I'm doing this. But why you?" he asked in a low voice, his eyes scrutinizing me closely, traversing not just my features but my entire body. He wanted to thoroughly examine me. It suddenly became clear to me. So far, I thought the others like Mary or Alice didn't really want to understand or get to know me. But what if I was the one who didn't want to show myself and they both just eventually accepted that.

"I don't want to be a burden to anyone." I said softly, avoiding his gaze. He was silent for a few moments and we listened to the voices in the aisles of the students heading into the Great Hall for dinner.

"I understand. They made you feel that way didn't they? Your parents?" He stated just as quietly, I nodded

"Don't assume that! You are... nice and smart. You don't need to hide. And you're not a burden either. At most your clumsiness...I suppose " he said in a soft voice. I felt my lips form a small smile.

"Tell me about your parents!" he demanded and continued to look at me with his deep black eyes. Should I tell him about myself after he was so dismissive of me? But I tried to set a good example for him.

"Both muggles and both in their world. The only thing that interested them when they found out about my magical abilities was if I could conjure money." I stated bitterly with closed eyes.

We were silent for a moment, but suddenly my emotions just came out of me. The feeling as a little child was clearly palpable. As if it had just happened that I was helplessly at the mercy of my parents' arguments. I was there when my father raised his hand against my mother, ready to shove a knife into his chest if he tried this on me. No chance of escape.

Tears ran uncontrollably down my cheeks. I reached into my pocket and looked for a handkerchief but found none. And before I could even use my sleeve, Severus handed me his old cotton handkerchief again.

"Thank you, Severus." I said in a hoarse voice.

"I was wrong. That's a burden too-your bursts of tears. So, keep it! You need it more than I do." He said with a little smirk on his lips, his voice was soft, and I knew it was his way of dealing with it. Heart pounding, I slipped his handkerchief into my inside pocket. I had to smile involuntarily. It was something only he had managed to do before.

We both looked at each other. A connection between us that probably none of us expected. A home so cold and hostile that escaping to Hogwarts seemed like a gift to us as children.

"Do you sometimes think that you would be different if your parents..."

"What? Would love me?" he asked me with raised eyebrows. I saw him thinking, his face looked tense and when I looked at him, he tried to release this tension quickly.

"No. I don't think I would be very different. I certainly wouldn't be a swaggering Gryffindor playing Quidditch," he explained.

The thought of Severus Snape flying through the air on a broomstick, the golden cup in hand with a big winner's face almost made me laugh out loud.

"Do you think that's funny?" he asked, taking a few steps back from me.

"No, just the idea of you as a James Potter kind of thing does. Forgive me. No, I didn't mean that either."

"But?" he asked, seeming to smile at the thought of himself as a famous Quidditch player.

"More outgoing? Not so reserved and suspicious?" I asked, knowing at the same time that these were qualities that also aptly describe me and not just Severus.

"Maybe I would be a little more…approachable. Like you, right?" he asked, hitting the mark. I just nodded because there was nothing more I could say.

"You're really... different," he stated, looking at me again, but there was no dislike in his eyes, but astonishment and understanding. I swallowed because I didn't expect that he would be the first person to understand and see through me without prejudice, pity or disgust.

Suddenly the dungeon door opened, and we jumped.

"That's enough, you two! Off to dinner!" cried Professor Slughorn.

We walked side by side to the big hall in silence, but this time it's not an uncomfortable silence. We both enjoyed it and grinned slightly at each other in between. As if we had just founded a secret. We both. The kids with shitty parents.

But we parted to go to our house tables. He sat down at the Slytherin table next to Avery and Mucliber and I sat next to Lily, Mary and Alice.

/I am relying on your knowledge of HP for this story. It incorporates some background knowledge in later chapters, but I give some hints. I hope that's ok :)
So here's the clue: Severus knows about Lupin from their encounter, which Sirius meant as a joke. However, the others were never allowed to find out about this. And as you can imagine, Severus keeps his promises, especially to Dumbledore.

Abuse and domestic violence are a serious matter with terrible consequences for everyone involved. I strictly reject all violence. But it's a theme that connects Severus and Catherine. Both can understand the consequences for each other. I found it important because I believe that only someone who has experienced it himself is able to understand why Severus became the person he is (the good and the bad).

AND thank you for reading and being here!/