Chapter 11 - I think he knows
Obanai woke at the first rays of light coming from the gaps in between the drapes of his bedroom's window. He had always been an early riser, but usually slept a little longer on weekends. For whatever reason - maybe lingering fatigue from the past week - he didn't immediately recognize the position he was laying in.
However, he soon realized that his body was very hot in various places. Namely, his legs, his arms, and even his chest. The fact was that another body was pressed up to his in all these places.
A pair of long, naked legs were tangled with his, and the body to which they were attached was touching his own from the waist up to their heads. Obanai felt soft hair tickle his nose and realized, upon inhaling the sweet and rich scent, that the hair in fact belonged to Mitsuri Kanroji.
The whole body in fact, belonged to her. Obanai's eyes flew open as the situation he was in finally dawned on him.
He was in bed. With Mitsuri. Oh shit. He thought as he remained frozen, his limbs and hers touching in so many different places that he couldn't even pinpoint the source of the scorching heat that was traveling through him at rapid fire speed.
Even with his eyes open, Obanai couldn't see much beyond a sea of pink hair on his pillow, there wasn't even an inch of Mitsuri's body that wasn't in contact with him.
Shit. Shit shit shit! He was all but screaming inside of his head.
Then, memories from the night before started flooding in…
He had stumbled upon Mitsuri sitting in front of his apartment building while he himself was rushing out in the hopes of catching her… But it turned out she had been seeking his presence too, and he simply couldn't let her go once realization hit.
She came for him, at two in the morning, he was the person she wanted to see. Not anyone else, not one of their friends, just him.
That thought alone had shaken him deeply. Until she rose from her seating position and he got to see her outfit… then…he froze under the weight of the burning desire that took hold of him.
She was a vision from his wildest dreams. With the black skirt and the fishnet tights, her toned legs alone held the power to bring him to his knees.
But it didn't end there.. No. Because she was wearing his hoodie. The one he had given her so many nights ago, under very different circumstances, and yet, he felt like it was yesterday.
It had to have been intentional, right? She wore it to drive him utterly mad, she had to know what it'd do to him.. Didn't she?
The looks she had been giving him in that moment sure seemed like this was on purpose, like she wanted him to notice her wearing his clothes.
Well, he had. And now there was no fucking way he'd let her go.
They had exchanged looks, all the way up to his apartment. Looks that were heavy, just as his breathing was ragged, like he had been running up the stairs instead of simply walking up with her hand secured in his. Their bodies instinctively drawing closer and closer until she was all but pressed to his back. And he was gonna lose his mind.
But even as the sheer want he felt for Mitsuri felt like it was choking him, his lids were still heavy. Because he had been so fucking tired, and this nap - however long it had lasted - hadn't been enough for him to feel that much better.
And she saw. Of course she saw. Because Mitsuri was so sweet, thoughtful, and outright an angel that she immediately sensed Obanai's less than normal state of fatigue. And she would not rest until she took him to bed. Which he relented to do in the end.
Having her inside of his home, wearing his clothes, the possibility of it had never even crossed his mind. Yet here she stood, a few minutes later. The skirt was gone as well as the tights, but to see her in his shorts was like a fantasy brought to reality. She was just impossibly sexier with his clothes on.
Even as desire continued to swirl in his body, heating his veins and speeding his heart, Obanai was still struggling with the sheer idea of acting on any of it.
Mitsuri was simply perfect.
From the tip of her toes to the top of her head - kind of perfect.
And he was still.. Well. Him. Lanky body, mismatched eyes and… Duh?! Scars. So many scars he couldn't hope to cover up, so many he would never dare show to her and risk disgusting her so much she ran away.
These were the thoughts that had gone through Obanai's head as he watched her step closer and closer to him. And yet he hadn't walked away. Hadn't even tried to resist the magnetic pull that was bringing him closer and closer to her as well.
Hell, he couldn't even muster the strength to argue about sharing the same bed with Mitsuri, even though it actually felt like he would die from combustion just at the idea of it.
He simply followed her to bed, and watched her climb in, looking like a goddess all while still looking like she belonged here. As she settled on top of the covers, Obanai prayed for the exhaustion wearing him down to magically disappear just so he could spend the entire night watching Mitsuri sleep next to him.
But the world was a cruel, cruel place, and as his head touched the pillow, he felt like he would simply fall asleep right there and then.
He had been very close to doing exactly that until he'd noticed Mitsuri's eyes moving and darting across his features. Even as his heartbeat accelerated, he couldn't keep from reaching out to her, only because he badly wanted to solve the mystery of her coming to him again and again.. Something he couldn't for the life of him understand.
After that, all of Obanai's memories seemed to spiral in his head, creating a vortex that was sure to leave him completely and utterly wrecked.
He remembered the wild beating of his heart, the heat of their bodies inching ever closer… and the softness of Mitsuri's hands of his skin… First on his wrists, and then on his face.
Had he ever even been brave enough to let someone else touch his face? No. Definitely not. No one had ever been given the opportunity to be close enough to his face and harm him anymore.
Only… Mitsuri's touch hadn't caused him any harm or even residual pain, it had even brought him comfort and - if he dared think about it long enough - peace.
As a matter of fact, he'd fallen asleep feeling more at peace than he ever had in his entire fucking life. All thanks to Mitsuri Kanroji. The girl who now held his heart in the palm of her hands. Free to do whatever she wanted with it. Mend the broken pieces… Or crush it so brutally that Obanai would never recover from it - or from her.
As the haze started to lift from his brain, Obanai found himself once again laying in bed, all tangled up with the woman he loved.
The idea of leaving the spot was excruciating, only not as much as the idea of her waking up and seeing him without a mask. Yes, he had let her touch his face the night before, in a selfish moment during which he somehow let his guard down and actually trusted her with his deepest hurt.
His skin tingled at the mere memory of Mitsuri's hands on him. But touching his scars had been one thing, one very, very unusual thing for him to let happen - and yet letting her see the entirety of them still left him in a chokehold. The feeling was overwhelming, and a slither of panic started to leach into his every nerve endings, acting as a very, very, cold shower.
Mitsuri suddenly sighed in her sleep, and Obanai kept his body as still as possible, even as his heart beat so loud he thought he could actually hear it.
But Mitsuri didn't wake. Her sleep remained undisturbed, but for how long? Obanai had to do something, and do it quickly.
He then started to slowly untangle the limbs that were connected - namely their legs - and tried escaping the bed by sliding his body away from her, inch by inch. Surprisingly, it wasn't even that hard. In the end, Obanai found himself sitting on the side of his bed. He could have just gotten up and walked out of the room, but he couldn't resist turning back one more time… Just to check that she was well and truly sleeping.
And she was. Her body was relaxed, but even in her sleep, she maintained that same inane grace that was simply part of who she was. He could only admire the way she could wear his clothes and look impossibly more desirable in them than he had ever dared imagine.
To put it bluntly, Obanai was powerless when it came to Mitsuri Kanroji. Everything about her from her gentle mind to her bewitching body acted as a siren song to each of his senses.
Aaaaand he really had to get the hell out of the room now before the temptation to just go back to bed with her was like a hammer battering at his defenses.
Obanai finally found the strength to get out of bed and walked with quiet feet up to Kaburamaru's terrarium. He opened the hatch and gently put his hand inside and waited for the snake to slide up his arm.
With the pet secured on his shoulder, Obanai walked to the door and tried his best shutting it soundlessly.
Coffee. I need a cup of coffee. Was all he thought as he headed for the kitchen. But not before taking the time to grab a face mask and cover his scarred face to the best of his ability.
It was only morning but he felt somehow drained by everything that had happened - even if it had only happened inside of his tortured mind.
At the small sound of the door closing, Mitsuri rolled from her side to lay on her back and stare at the ceiling. The ceiling of Obanai's fucking bedroom.
In truth, Mitsuri had been awake for some time now. At least long enough that she could clearly recall the feel of Obanai's body all but surrounding her. But she could then also remember what it had felt like to lose the heat of him, the scent of his skin and the feel of his muscles flexing from the contact of her hands.
Really, it was for the best that she didn't pry her eyes open and let him know that she wasn't as asleep as she seemed. Because then she'd really see what she had been picturing in her head ever since waking up. Which was him lying beneath her as she straddled his body and had her wicked way with him.
Urgh. This is not good. She tried focusing on the white of the ceiling for long minutes just so she could direct her definitely unwanted thoughts from drowning her in frustration and desire this early.
Mitsuri rolled to her side again and was then hit with Obanai's heady masculine scent wafting right from his pillow and this was just too much for her. She simply couldn't bear it anymore.
She rushed out of his bed so fast that she almost tumbled to the floor like the ridiculous mess that she was.
She breathed deeply once, twice, and closed her eyes in order to center herself to the here and now.
I can handle this, Mitsuri chanted inside of her head like a prayer. I can resist this thing, or so she hoped because this thing - as she called it - was turning into a burden too heavy to carry when she was around the man she loved.
Maybe one day.. One day it won't be a burden anymore. She hoped as she opened her eyes and glanced around the room.
Maybe one day she'd wake up in his arms and there will only be his skin against hers, his lips against hers and the freedom to do whatever they'd want in that moment.
That's the dream.
Mitsuri sighed long and hard and readied herself for another day during which she wouldn't be brave enough to just let him know how she felt.
What a stupid little girl she was to even believe he'd ever reciprocate.
But no! This wasn't her own voice, but her bastard of an ex's voice whispering demeaning stuff in her ear so she wouldn't find confidence in who she was. This time of her life was over. He didn't have that power any longer. He didn't have any power over her in fact. Only she could take the reins and do with her life what she wanted to do. And go with the people she wanted to hang out with.
She had this power. And she'd never again relent it to another person. Not even for love. She was her own person, and she was so much more than the girl who hurt because of love. She was Mitsuri Kanroji and she wanted to act like this meant something more.
She took a final, steadying breath and walked to the door. As she crossed it, the delicious smell of eggs cooking wafted to her nose and her stomach immediately started growling - demanding to be fed.
Mitsuri stepped on quiet feet to the kitchen where she found Obanai preparing breakfast, with his pet / best friend snake resting on his left shoulder.
She dared only stare for a few seconds before giving away her presence with a quiet "Good morning, you two." even though she didn't bother hiding the amusement she felt upon witnessing such a scene.
Obanai didn't startle, few things had the power to surprise him, she had found. As she stood behind him, she saw his hand shoot to his face and slide his mask back in place - or so she assumed. He turned and she realized that her assumptions were true, which led her heart to painfully squeeze inside of her chest. She kept a small smile on her face though, because she knew that showing another soul one's deepest scars often felt like the hardest trial. And Mitsuri would never ever begrudge Obanai his privacy or ignore what made him feel safe and comfortable.
"Hi," he replied with his magnetic voice, pulling her right in his orbit just like that. She stepped closer to him and saw his gaze roam over her body, as if he couldn't help himself. She absolutely loved it.
"Did you sleep well?" she enquired as she took a closer look to Kaburamaru - who seemed close to dozing off as it curled around Obanai's left collarbone.
"Best I've slept in a long time actually." he answered and she heard the subtle surprise in his voice, as if he had trouble believing it himself.
Her smile grew impossibly wider upon hearing the words and she rose on her tiptoes and took the liberty to lightly skim her fingers against his temple, brushing back a loose strand of dark hair.
"That's good to hear." she said with happiness coloring her tone.
She was very careful about not touching Obanai's face mask, intent on showing him that she would never pressure him to take it off.
He stood very still under her gaze, but didn't inch back - even instinctively - to put a little distance between them.
Her eyes searched his in the hopes that his thoughts would somehow make themselves visible outside of his head, but no such thing happened and he remained as unreadable as ever.
Deciding to give the man some space to process whatever was circulating inside his beautifully intricate mind, Mitsuri turned to the stove and saw scrambled eggs and bacon sizzling in a pan with cheese, herbs and even red pepper. Her stomach not so quietly growled again and she felt her cheeks redden.
It was true that she was hungry a lot, and even though she tried her best to control her appetite, this simply smelled too good to ignore.
"This is for you." she heard Obanai speak as he took the pan away from the heat and poured the breakfast in a plate which, as she only noticed then, had been carefully laid on the table.
"Oh my! Thank you so much Obanai!" she practically squealed, overcome with delight. "This looks amazing," she gushed, "and it smells even better!"
He poured something into a cup and set it beside her plate on the table. It was a steaming cup of tea, she realized. Not that she was surprised he had remembered what she drank for breakfast, but his thoughtfulness still managed to make butterflies fly all over Mitsuri's insides.
"This is perfect" she told Obanai as she took a seat at the table, "Thank you for everything." she felt the need to add.
Obanai brushed aside her gratitude as if this was the least he could do for her and walked back to the sink so he could wash the dishes.
Mitsuri immediately started digging in her food and ate with renewed enthusiasm. Letting him know time and again what she thought of his cooking - it was perfect, as if the man could do anything wrong!
She didn't take offense to him not coming to sit with her to eat or even drink something, she knew that the topic of his scars hung over their heads heavier than ever before. Because she had felt them, even if she hadn't seen them. Everything had to be according to him. What he felt comfortable sharing and what he'd rather keep private, the choice was and should remain his alone.
Mitsuri dreamt of feeling his lips on hers, but it could never happen at the expense of his safety and comfort.
She kept replaying in her head the memories of the night before like an old film reel. The trust he had given her left her breathless still, and she could only hope that the care she had shown when touching him had conveyed even a glimpse of the protectiveness and care that she felt for him.
She hoped too, that this would someday turn into something more. That the bond that had grown between them ever since they met was only getting stronger and stronger as time went by and their defenses lowered ever more. The pull that Mitsuri felt towards Obanai was more powerful too, and she didn't feel like she could resist the desire to touch him much longer.
After all, she had already breached so many barriers, by holding his hand, caressing his face, feeling the heat of him as they slept with their bodies pressed together… More and more Mitsuri craved his touch as well. His hand brushing her hair with the softest touch or resting on her waist like it had the night before - which had only fed the fire heating up her veins. She craved the feel of his strong body holding hers and playing the role of a human mattress on his couch.
She wanted it all and that much more. She wanted him so much that her heart ached every time they parted ways and she wouldn't know when she'd see him again. This kind of dependency over somebody else wasn't something she ever thought she'd feel, only now it felt like a piece of her had always been missing until the day she met Obanai Iguro.
Now her soul bore the imprint of his touch like a tattoo she hadn't even realized she'd gotten. The mere idea of trying to erase him from her life felt like she'd lose that same part she hadn't realized was missing until he barged into it and buried his presence under her very skin. It's impossible, it's too late anyway, I wouldn't change a thing.
No, Mitsuri wouldn't change a single thing that had happened in her life as long as it meant that she'd meet Obanai on that fateful September morning when she'd been lost in the halls of some building at university.
As the train of thoughts taking up all her mental space finally settled, Mitsuri realized she had well and demolished the plate that Obanai had given to her mere minutes ago. She couldn't find it in her to feel self-conscious at herself this time. She was hungry, he had cooked a delicious breakfast for her, she'd eaten all of it like her life depended on it - she clearly had no regrets.
She rose from her seat and carried her plate to the sink where Obanai was meticulously scraping his pan clean. She gave him the plate with a "Thanks!" and jumped up the counter just beside him, seating comfortably and idly dangling her legs as she observed him.
The scene felt almost.. domestic. Like this was her life day after day. As if. She wondered from the confines of her mind.
The worst thing was that she felt she could truly get used to it. Their dynamic was somehow different. They had slept close to two times together now - and even if they had only shared a bed and nothing fancy had happened - it still left her feeling that much more comfortable around him. Obanai had seen her at her worst, panicking, crying, struggling and he had seen her at her best too - especially the night before when she had felt so confident and desirable in her outfit.
I mean, could she even believe it? Mitsuri Kanroji looking and feeling hotter than ever, marching into the night towards one goal: the man who haunted her every thought. Stranger things happened every day, only usually these things did not happen to her.
Lost in her musings, Mitsuri didn't notice that Obanai was even done with the dishes until he raised his head and their eyes met. It was strange that every time this happened, she could feel a punch directly hitting her solar plexus. And yet, she adored the feel of it, and the butterflies that fluttered in its wake.
She gave him her best smile and saw his gaze zero in on her lips. She felt her tongue dart out to wet them a little and could see Obanai's hands tighten into fists on the counter. Her breathing sped up and her heart was practically beating out of her chest but she didn't dare take her eyes away from his.
Her blood thickened, or maybe it was the very air they were breathing that was charging up with restless energy, but the weight of it sat heavy on her body. She didn't move though, she had reached out to him on many occasions ever since she had gotten there the night before. Now, Mitsuri wanted to see what Obanai would do when faced with the sheer strength of the invisible string pulling them closer and closer.
Before long, she thought she heard something close to a guttural sound coming from him, but the blood was pumping so quickly in her body that her ears were practically ringing. He breached the small distance separating them and put his hands flat on the countertop on each side of her hips. She instinctively spread her legs enough to give him room to settle closer to her body. His eyes were almost dazed, pupils blown wide, hers probably held a similar glint - like the storm that was brewing over them was suddenly ready to turn into a hurricane at any moment and sweep them both under.
Obanai's gaze kept roaming over her face, then her body and Mitsuri just couldn't take it anymore. She felt ready to burst out of her skin, overheated and out of breath, spiraling out of control.
His hand was suddenly at the hem of her shirt - no, his shirt - so close to sliding underneath it that she felt like screaming at him to just do it!
"I like seeing you in my clothes." was all he said as he kept toying with the soft fabric.
Shit but his voice really had that kind of effect on her. Or maybe it was all the pent up desire that hadn't found any reprieve from the moment they first laid eyes on each other that made her thoughts derail into uncharted territory. Or maybe it was just him.
"I like wearing them," Mitsuri replied with her best impression of a sultry voice - which wasn't great by any means.
"I can tell." was all he said as he ever slowly slid his hand underneath.
Her breath staggered as she felt his fingertips graze the skin of her waist and she sighed as he deepened the touch until his hand was covering as much skin as it physically could.
The touch was by no means more dangerous than the one she had felt on her waist the night before, only this time he was touching her skin and she was burning up from the potency of it all.
Feeling greedy and not the least bit self-conscious, Mitsuri let herself slide closer to him until he was all but inches from pressing between her legs.
He whispered her name like a plea to the heavens and tightened his hold on her waist even as his thumb kept caressing her skin in gentle circles. His other hand went to her thigh and gripped it over his shorts but the thought of him touching her like that sent fireworks shooting up her stomach. Her blood turned to lava in her veins, heat pooling to every corner of her burning body and she sighed but it came out closer to a moan.
Mitsuri really couldn't take any more of it. She bent forward until their foreheads touched. She would have kissed him hadn't it been for the god forsaken mask. She would have gripped his sharply cut jaw and begged him to kiss her like she knew they both desperately craved.
But she couldn't. And she wouldn't blame him for the frustration that took over her entire being when she thought it would maybe never happen anyway.
He didn't break the contact and never ceased his gentle touch either, even as her skin burnt like lava and she felt her cheeks redden from exertion. She kept her eyes closed and breathed in his maddening perfume.
He breathed just as deeply and shuddered as he felt goosebumps erupt over her skin everywhere he touched.
This was the sweetest torture that Mitsuri had ever known. She was practically shaking from the desire to mold their bodies together until they wouldn't be able to understand where one began and the other ended.
She lifted her hand that had been gripping the countertop seconds before to bury it in his wild mane of hair. She suddenly thought she'd die if she didn't feel the soft strands glide through her fingers. His hair had been loosely kept in a bun until she ran her fingers through it and took the band out. She had to feel the wild mess for herself. Had to make sure he was as far gone as she was.
They held their positions for several minutes, drinking each other in as much as they could, drowning in the other's touch.
Mitsuri wanted to speak and say something, anything to express the tornado of feelings that were overwhelming her right then but couldn't find the words. Her brain was just swimming in a haze, buried under the force of her neurones firing all over, probably dancing like crazy from all the stimulation she was experiencing.
"Mitsuri," she registered Obanai's voice from afar, as if they weren't forehead to forehead in the middle of his kitchen.
She hummed as she kept her eyes closed and her hand buried in his hair. She dreaded the moment it would have to end but she knew deep inside that it was fast approaching.
"Look at me, Mitsuri, please." he pleaded and it wasn't like she could refuse him anything, he had that power over her, that and so much more.
Mitsuri sighed and let go of his hair as she inched back a little. Her hand found his atop her thigh and let it rest there as well. She didn't want the contact to stop, not now and not ever if she had any say in it.
When she found the courage to meet his gaze once again, she did so. She was struck by what she found there.
Obanai looked outright tortured. She could see the conflict raging in his head, his face told the story of someone who was under extreme duress. There was only pain coloring Obanai's beautiful features now. Gone was the fire, the desire, the possessiveness, he just looked like he was hurting.
Mitsuri could see in his eyes that he struggled with something similar to her a few months before now. That night when he had shown her his sanctuary of stars and it had felt just a little too much to bear for her then.
She widened the gap between their bodies and interlaced their fingers resting on her thigh. The hand that had been at her waist was close to gone and she took it in hers as well.
"Hey," she whispered and waited for him to meet her eyes. He did so after a short hesitation. "It's ok," she reassured.
As she spoke, she lifted their joined hands and pressed a lingering kiss on the back of each one of his.
"All is well," she kept on saying as her fingers brushed soothing patterns on his skin. "You don't have to pretend with me," she finally concluded, "you know I understand, Obanai."
Her heart ached so badly for this wounded man. He struggled so much with who he was and what others saw in him, this was clear to Mitsuri. But she wouldn't let him think that there was ever anything he could do that would drive her away. There simply wasn't.
He took a deep breath again.
"I just…" but his sentence was cut short by the loudest ringtone ever and she practically jumped out of her skin. It came from his bedroom and it was Mitsuri's phone.
Shit. She remembered tossing it yesterday somewhere on the floor of his room, maybe with her clothes and she hadn't picked it up ever since waking up because.. Duh?! Well that didn't require any explanation now, did it?
"Just leave it," she rushed to say when she saw him pulling slightly away. "I'm listening to you." She gently probed as she hoped it hadn't made him reconsider his trust in her.
He seemed on the verge of retreating for a moment but fought it off and returned to her - which she felt grateful for.
"What I mean is…" but the words died on his tongue as another phone started buzzing, signaling an incoming call. This time it was his phone, but they both had to admit that the chance of the caller being the same person was pretty high.
Since Obanai's phone sat just beside them on the kitchen counter, he hesitated for the briefest moment as he caught Mitsuri's eyes, but she only nodded. He picked up the phone and she saw Shinobu's name flash on the screen.
Well. That's odd. Thought Mitsuri. Especially considering Obanai and Shinobu didn't seem particularly close friends.
He cast her another lingering glance before putting the phone to his ear.
"Hi," he hesitantly said before adding "what is it?"
It seemed the caller ID had confused him as much as it had her. Mitsuri couldn't help but be relieved that the pang of jealousy she had felt was unfounded. She knew that of course, in theory. But that didn't keep her treacherous heart from painfully squeezing when she saw the name.
Mitsuri heard the distant sound of Shinobu's voice but couldn't decipher the words. Her tone was almost frantic on the other end, like she was really worried about something.
Then Mitsuri gasped as it dawned on her. She hadn't called or texted her friend last night to let her know that she was safe at home. Of course she hadn't told her that because she had never actually made it home, she had even walked the opposite way from her home. Until she arrived here. And then, well.. They all knew that every time she was with Obanai, the rest of the world faded like background noise.
"Don't worry," Obanai reassured, he probably saw the look on her face and pieced it all together. "She's here," he went on and Mitsuri knew her cheeks were redder by the second. "No, everything's fine, she's been here all this time." he kept explaining and Mitsuri knew she'd have some catching up to do with their friend soon.
He suddenly handed her the phone. "She wants to speak to you." he said and she felt him retreating more and more as seconds ticked by and the inches-wide gap between their bodies had somehow turned into him giving her the phone and walking to the other side of the room.
Mitsuri immediately put the phone to her ear and started apologizing profusely for forgetting about texting Shinobu the night before to let her know that she was alright.
"I didn't worry at first because I thought you'd text me this morning when you remembered but it's close to 1pm and I didn't know who else to ask!" Shinobu told her.
Mitsuri kept reassuring her that she was great but willingly left out the part about sleeping at Obanai's place. She couldn't talk about that on the phone, most especially when he was standing in the same room.
"We can meet up this afternoon if you feel like it!" Mitsuri offered, because she knew that Shinobu wouldn't let it rest until she'd extracted the truth from her by whatever means she deemed necessary.
As they agreed on a time and place for their meet-up, Mitsuri kept her eyes on Obanai. But he was doing everything but looking in her direction.
The swell of hurt rose up again in her belly and it was soon joined by the fierce protectiveness that she felt for this man and it was all she could think about.
She wanted to protect him from ever again getting harmed by anyone.. But she was also bloodthirsty for revenge on whoever had broken his trust so badly that he struggled so much at the idea of anyone capable of getting close with honest and pure intentions.
She finally hung up after promising her friend that she would be on time and put his phone back on the countertop.
She watched Obanai from afar as he picked up his pet snake - she hadn't even noticed it roaming around the apartment - and went to his bedroom probably to put it back in its heated terrarium.
Mitsuri slid off the counter and tried her best to come up with something to do, something to say - anything at all. Just so he wouldn't feel that far away from her. Like they weren't simply rooms apart, but actual galaxies away from one another.
Maybe he needs some time alone. She thought to herself. Maybe I should just go and leave him be.
But the thought of leaving him now, and especially like this left her feeling uneasy as hell.
She poured herself a glass of water, drank it all up and even pressed her wet hands to her neck and forehead in order to cool her body down and compose herself as best as possible.
When Obanai still didn't return after minutes spent alone in his room, Mitsuri knew that she had to go to him.
She walked up to the room and quietly called out his name, just to let him know that she was coming in.
When he didn't answer, she slipped inside the room and found him sitting on the ground at the foot of his bed. His knees were bent, his elbows resting on them as he held his head in his hands. The sight alone wrenched Mitsuri's heart. She slowly made her way towards the bed and sat next to him, while still maintaining some distance so as to not crowd him.
Mitsuri patiently waited for several minutes in complete silence. She wanted him to get used to the feel of her not far away, ready to give support if he ever wanted some. But he had to come to her as well. For it to work, it had to come from them both.
She waited some more but he didn't move from his position. Head still buried in his hands, he gave the impression of being eons away, and the fact that she couldn't see his eyes made it all the more painful.
She had to restart the conversation with him. Only she didn't feel like talking about the weather right now. No. She had to share something personal, if she wanted him to truly understand that he could trust her with anything he might wish to say.
She pondered for a moment and realized she had to dig deeper in her past if she wanted to reach him while he was in such a dark place. And so she did. No matter the consequences it would bring when she recalled the memories.
"At this time last year," she started talking, and he imperceptibly turned his head in the direction of her voice - she took that as a good sign.
"I was living in a house that was more like a prison because I didn't have the keys to the door. This meant I was either locked in, or locked out." At this, Obanai's hands dropped from his face and he stared right at her, clearly dumbfounded by the confession.
It pained Mitsuri to revisit the past, but she also knew that she couldn't hide from it. She also had months of therapy helping her deal with the trauma of it all.
"I had a ring on my finger that was heavier than you could ever imagine, and sometimes I thought it was the reason I couldn't get out of bed some mornings. But there was more to it than some miserable ring." Mitsuri told the story like it had happened to someone else, which it had, in a way. Because she was so far removed from the scared girl she had been the year before, even as she carried her scars every day.
"I didn't know that I could not be lonely, because it was all I'd ever known. And I hadn't made friends with anyone since I met Kyôjurô in middle school, I had simply forgotten that other people existed out of my own four walls. I briefly went to a small community college next to home but he just called one day and told them I wouldn't be coming anymore, and I listened." These last words were laced with disgust.
Obanai's body was fully facing hers now, but she couldn't meet his gaze.
"I wanted out so badly that I started to live inside of my head, because it just couldn't happen, you know?" She was wringing her hands now, and she couldn't stop the instinctive rubbing of her left ring finger, it felt like the weight of her previous engagement was still right there. Maybe it was tattooed under her skin, so she'd never really get away from her past.
Without her even seeing it, Obanai had crossed the distance separating them and he took her left hand before she could rub it raw and secured it between both of his.
She smiled a little but didn't try to turn her head and meet his eyes. Mitsuri had to get that little story out, just so he'd understand that she knew, she truly did.
"I was gone, until I wasn't, and then I was gone again, dissociating my soul from my body and what it was going through." This she almost whispered, the implications too big to consider out loud. She heard his breath catch in his throat and a murmured "Shit" escaping his lips. She smiled some more and forced her eyes to meet his.
She hoped he could witness the truth of what she was saying, and understand that he was as safe with her as she felt safe with him.
"One day he just forgot to lock the door. And the key turning in the lock was so fucking loud - to me at least - that I immediately noticed." Mitsuri searched his face as his fingers tightened around hers. She chose to continue her story.
"I just left, you know? Left it all behind. The ring and the house and him. And do you know the first thing I did once I'd gotten out?" Mitsuri asked Obanai and waited for him to reply.
"Tell me." he asked, and his voice was strained, as if literal chains were holding him back.
"I applied for med school." she answered in all honesty. His eyes widened some more.
"I registered here a week later and started my classes just a few months after that." His eyes didn't budge from her face.
"The rest, you know." she gently added with her smile finally reaching her eyes. "Considering you were the first person I met here and your friends became my friends!" she went on cheerfully. But her voice was strained as well, there was so much more to this story. Yet she had told what needed to be said in order for him to get the gist of it.
"Mitsuri.." he started, but seemed at a loss for words.
"I haven't met many people in my life, Obanai. But from the moment I met you, I knew that there was nothing I couldn't do. You have always been kind to me, and patient, and thoughtful, and a thousand other things that I can't say out loud just yet…" FUCK but she was rolling in with the confession and she didn't even want to stop the flow of words coming from her lips. She was probably blushing furiously but oh, well, wasn't she always?
"The point I'm trying to make is," and she could see that he was hanging on her every word. "There is absolutely nothing you can do, and I really mean nothing - that could drive me away from you."
Obanai's eyes softened and the pressure he seemed to be under receded a little.
"If anything, I'll always be your friend. If there is never more to it, I'll still be your friend." Even if the thought of it felt like a shot tearing through her heart, she would never give Obanai up for anything, especially her personal feelings.
Before she could say anything else, he interrupted her.
"There is more, Mitsuri." he confessed and she almost sagged with relief upon hearing the words.
"There is friendship," he went on as he punctuated the words with a squeeze of their interlaced fingers. "But there's also much, much more," he pressed. "I'm just not sure what to do with everything that I feel right now."
"It's ok," Mitsuri reassured even as her heart beat like a drum inside of her chest. "You have all the time in the world, I am not going anywhere, Obanai. Don't you forget that." She made him promise.
"Alright." was all he said, but it felt like a sworn promise all the same. It felt like the string that tied them together wasn't invisible anymore, but rather woven with a thread as golden as the words they had exchanged in that moment.
Author's note :
Do you guys hate me yet?
Be patient... Bear with them, I'll be worth it in the end I promise! Leave a fav, a review, whatever you feel like doing but let me know what you think!