WARNING: This story will contain SPOILERS of the last REBUILD movie, and also references to the others, so DO NOT READ in case you haven't seen them!
Even though it technically diverges from a precise point of the plot, it will still cover several moments of them, so don't take it a fully rewrite of it.
Have a good read, and sorry for any grammar error, English is not my first language; if any of you feels like giving me any kind of Constructive Criticism, be free to do it as you better feel!
Now, on with it, see you at the end of the Chapter!
UNFAIR
He couldn't just do it.
Not even when he was offered rarities like that.
The quietness of the water in front of him didn't seem to really be of any help ... but it wasn't like he could really blame it.
He was the one doing it wrong.
Despite being sure to be doing just as Kensuke had taught him, he was still failing.
Despite not doing any sudden movement, as confirmed by the not at all bothered flock of wild penguins resting the shadow of the ruined wall on his left, some of them occasionally glancing at him with blank expressions that could mean everything, kinda like the ones Ayanami always gave everything and everyone she met.
Despite doing everything to focus exclusively on his task.
Despite ...
Nothing. He could just do nothing.
"They can perceive it"
Now he could do something, but not because of having decided it.
An instinctive reflex, that made the grip on the pole almost drop it miserably, as he let out a half-gasp while turning behind, to aknowledge the only person that could've made him have that kind of reaction.
"They observe you. They may seem the dumbest preys around, but their eyes are still fixed on you, and so they can elaborate an instinct that make them see your rigidity ... It's almost as if you weren't there at all ..."
Her slow, firm steps approached him as the seriousness on her face invested him like an uncomfortable hot wind.
"And so they understand they can still go around you, without any danger ... Because you're letting them do it"
Now she had stopped a few feet in front of him, her arms firmly crossed over her waist, and her good eye scrutinizing him with its usual aura of severe judgement, letting him know ... that she was of course right even this time.
Despite his mouth being clearly opened, and his eyes staring back at her face while trembling uneasily, he didn't let out any reply; incredibly, an invisible force he had never used before was helping him block the inevitable apology he was about to let out.
She also didn't say anything else, though her stern eye still communicated to him her growing impatience at his antics.
"... Today ... It just seems like is going to be dead calm"
And as he finished to say it, he turned his gaze back at the water, his lips newly closed, his expression showing a more neutral shade.
But now he actually did feel his skin, muscles and everything about his body definitely more relaxed ... If only he could've said the same about his mind and spirit.
"You can't always win ...", was her new statement behind him, "... Especially if you keep doing anything to prevent it yourself"
Now he turned back again, giving her his same expression as few moments before, thus reigniting her heatin' impatience inside of her, as she pushed more her crossed arms against the cape she was wearing over her plugsuit.
"I wanted to see more closely how you were doing it. To value your ability ...", she said again, putting two more steps between them, arriving right straight in front of his face, "... and see if you could keep going on like this, using it for the others"
He gulped audibly, as his eyes widened slightly, making her groan internally.
"You did manage to do it, step by step ... See to just do it this way, instead of going back to the starting point so soon ..."
His insides grew so rigid, it was like being back in the cockpit of UNIT 01, with the LCL inside of it invading them to the point of suffocating him for good ...
If only it had gone that way ...
The silence over them was interrupted only by the light breeze echoing around them, while they stood in front of each other with no other intention to speak.
She sure didn't want to waste more breath on his antics.
He sure didn't want to make her waste it, either ... but he just couldn't do it.
"It doesn't matter, wethere you're alone or not, does it?"
Her sudden question, still released in a serious tone, made him blink in genuine surprise.
She stood like she was, her expression clearly exorting him to finally give an answer.
"... It never mattered. Even before"
His gaze looked briefly down at the ground.
"... Then there was never a point in always running away"
The clear spitefulness in that scolding reply almost made him lose the pole again, as he felt his legs' muscles starting to lose their resistance.
"... It was different. I always planned to go ... And make everyone forget about me ..."
His grip on the pole actually hardened.
"But I just couldn't do it properly ... so I had to resume to do anything, to at least ... No, it's stupid ..."
"What?", she asked, her tone becoming more rigid.
"... I always did things to ease their judgement ... And to let them go on without feeling the weight of me being always there ..."
She snorted angrily.
"What a surprise ... Thought I hadn't already figured that out? I WAS, after all, one those you were always closer to ... Even now"
He gulped slightly, the tension making him feel like all his bones were cracking inside of his flesh, to let him finally fall down without a chance to get up ... but he was still standing, as always.
"And you know I won't let you go. I can't allow it, and you CAN'T do it, pointo."
And as she finished to say that, she turned around, giving her back to him.
He was still facing the always quiet water, as rigid as a statue.
It seemed like they were definitely done, with the talking.
She was to stay there to watch over him, and he was there to do ... whatever he had to do.
"I realized ... that I never explained one thing, to you", he let out, his still uneasy voice sounding strangely more ... secure, about what he was saying.
"Explain?", she asked, turning towards him again, her stern tone also releasing genuine curiosity.
"It's something I ... I must tell you. It's related to this whole situation anyway, so I guessed you had to hear it, as a debrief of sort ...", he said, also turning to face her with a more neutral expression.
While doing so, he also lowered to put the pole down on the ground, signifying how relevant he felt this explanation was.
Her eye actually blinked in surprise at that, even if she maintained her firm expression and pose.
"You don't say ... Well, what is it about?"
He didn't answer soon, instead giving her his familiar look of embarassed insecurity, only this time it was not accompanied by a burning blush; his fingers curled uneasily, as he looked briefly at the ground, before resuming his stare on her with a small sigh.
"Asuka ... Don't you wonder ... how ... I got rid of my Choker?"
And as he said it, he brought up his right hand, pointing with its index right at his neck.
Now, the stern expression on the redhead's turned into a purely astonished one, underlined by her eye widening and shaking uneasily, as her mouth stood slightly opened without releasing any word.
Not exactly what he was expecting, as his irises also shook uneasily, as he lowered slowly down right hand, feeling merciless shivers down his neck.
"... Why would I want to know about it? Of course I had noticed it was missing ...", she replied, resuming her hard tone and stare, "But it didn't make any difference. You wouldn't have harmed anyone anyway."
His looked turned somber.
"But I thought ... It was only fair for you to know it ... I mean, you woun't believe I took it off myself", he said again, pointing again with his index at his free neck.
"... Of course you wouldn't, Baka!", she replied, her tone raising slightly, "But again, what does it matter, now?! It's clear you got rid of it while doing your father's dirty work, he probably ordered to have it removed!"
"No, he ... he didn't. He didn't care at all", he replied weakly, "He just told me I was to pilot the EVA, and then went on his way. I spent the first days there with it still around my neck"
Her eye twitched slightly.
"I didn't really think about it, both because I knew I couldn't remove it on my own ... and because I was just lost in there ... It wasn't that different from here ... I mean, it was bigger, dirtier and ... emptier"
He looked down at the ground again.
"But you remember ... when we went to retrieve the Lances ... I wasn't the only one piloting the EVA ... and I don't mean Ayanami ..."
"... The other boy ... Your co-pilot"
"Yes ... Kaworu Nagisa ..."
"Kaworu", she repeated, nodding softly to herself.
"He ... He removed the choker ..."
Now she looked at him purely surprised
"What ... How did he do it?!"
He didn't flinch at her more emotive question.
"I ... I don't really know ... I ... I never asked him!"
He now looked even more uneasy.
"I ... Of course I was taken aback, when he did it ... But then, we started our synchronization ..."
Asuka's eyes widened more, at that word.
"And I just ... didn't think about it anymore. I seriously didn't care for it, we never talked about it again ... even if it was still right in front of my eyes ... I ... I just let him keep wearing it!"
"What?!", was the now louder reply from the purely startled redhead, so much that her body shook wildly, making her hood fall off, revealing the top of her red mane, the A10 clips still firmly planted on it.
"What ... What in Höle are you babbling about?! ... He ... He put it on his own neck?!"
"He ... He did ... He did!"
The boy's hands clenched into shaking fists, as his eyelids were forcefully pressed closed.
"He just took it away from me and ... I DID saw him do it, but ... Then I just did nothing!"
"... No no, stop this!", she replied, "You've just gone mad!"
Now her red covered hands reached for his shirt's collar, pulling his face very close to hers, the top of their noses almost touching.
"Your idiot mind's is still messed up! Why the fuck would anyone do it, voluntarily?!"
"I DON'T KNOW!", he shouted in her face, eyes still firmly closed.
"I don't know why he did it! I don't know why I didn't do anything! ... He ... He just ... AAAARGH!"
He brought his hands up, circling her wrists, but not doing any attempt at pushing her away.
"I JUST WATCHED HIM STAYING THERE! Talking to me about everything, and I just ... I just let him do it! Didn't say, didn't do ... I LET HIM TAKE MY PUNISHMENT!"
"SHUT UP!", she shouted in rage, drops of saliva hitting his cheeks.
"It was not meant for him! ... WHY?!", he raised his head up towards the sky, eyes still firmly shutted, "How could I be so easily distracted, when we both knew what was ..."
A sudden change inside of him made him open his eyelids with a mix of realization and shock on his face, still directed at the clouds above him.
"I was Happy ..."
Asuka didn't say anything, her glare turning into an uneasily confused gaze.
"I was Happy with him being there ... To have him ... make me part of his days ... He was always honest ... He let me ... share his everything"
The sound of a lightful harmony coming from a distant piano being played filled his ears, as the image of two pale hands delicately pushing on the ivories producing them.
"We were together ... With no barriers ... He was always calm ... always happy ..."
He didn't see Asuka's face starting to shake in what seemed almost ... displeasure.
"He explained everything I had to do ... He made me see what had become of the world ... He looked at the stars with me ..."
His cheeks were burning with a warm feeling of calmness, which also made Asuka's iris tremble uneasily.
"And I ... I ..."
The notes ended abruptly, the burning on his cheeks faded away, and his calmness was pushed away by a new, horrifying sense of realization.
"I LET HIM TAKE MY PLACE!"
His bugged out gaze returned the one he had showed, back in the EVA's cockpit, where he had seen Kaworu's caring smile for the last time.
"HE TOOK MY PLACE!"
"SHINJI, CUT IT OUT!", Asuka yelled at top of her lungs, shaking his collar to make him face her again directly.
"I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH! ... THAT'S THE TRUTH!"
This time, the strength he infused in his hands managed to move the redhead's wrist, but her grip on the collar stood still.
"I DIDN'T CARE! I DIDN'T CARE!", the boy yelled out, his acute voice so thrilling, he could've craked a window glass.
"STOP SAYING BULLSHIT! IT'S ALL RIDICULOUS!"
"HOW?! HOW, WHEN IT IS JUST ... UNFAIR!"
He pushed more her wrists, but she growled in fury, lifting his collar up, and then starting to pushi her fists against his skin, making him retreat towards the right side of the ruins, 'til he felt his back pressed hardly against the wall.
"If what you say it's true, it still doesn't matter anymore anyway! Even if I know he was somehow able to remove it, it's not like I can do anything, 'cause he's gone for good!"
"NO!", Shinji shrieked powerfully, "HE DIDN'T HAVE TO!"
He looked with that freaked out stare at her face, seeing her still furious glare directed at him from her only visible iris, her teeth gritted hardly at him like those of an angry guard dog, and ...
"I ... I just do that ..."
His expression now showed no more anger, no more self-hatred ... but pure fear, which put more confusion in the still glaring redhead's mind.
"I ... I kill everyone ..."
"YOU, BRATTY ..."
"You too!"
She stopped her menacing insults, staring at him like he had just said ...
"What?"
"You too ... You're in my place too!", he continued, absolute terror in his shaky voice, "Y-You ... You're going to be killed instead of me, too!"
"... NO WAY! What're you babbling about, you dense, fucking BRAT?!", she replied with renovated rage at its highest levels, "Why would they kill me in your place?!"
She was about to lash out all her impetuous scolds at him, when the same feeling of uneasy realization hit her too, as her eye followed his gaze down towards ... her neck.
"... No ... NO!", she yelled again, pushing him harder against the wall, "I'M NOT GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF YOU, FUCKING BRAT!"
"YOU ARE!", he replied, "Why did they put it on you too?! You're their top pilot, they trusted you ... 'til I came back!"
"... You have no right to think of me like that, you selfish idiot!"
"SELFISH?!", he replied in pure shock, "How can I be selfish?! Why the heck would you, of all people, have to wear that bomb?!"
"I don't depend on YOU!", she yelled spitefully, "You still think everything depends on how you're going to act!"
"I ENDED EVERYTHING!"
"SOMETHING IS STILL STANDING, DUMBASS, AND YOU'RE STILL THERE, TOO! Stop looking for any way to escape, because I won't let that happen so easily!"
He breathed heavily, sobs starting to escape from his throat, as he rested his flaggerbasted gaze on her serious one.
His irises shifted from her glare to her neck again, where the cape she was still wearing covered what his eyes were trying to locate.
"... When Kaworu took it off ... It didn't react ... It wasn't like ..."
His confusing words took her guard off for a minute, enough for suddenly feeling his arms standing up rapidly, and seeing his agitated hands reach out for her ...
"STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU BRATTY JACKASS!"
She pushed him with more strength against the wall, making him yelp in brief pain, but without putting an end to his movements.
"Keep your hands down, or I swear I'll bite off every stupid finger you have!"
"I ... Won't!", he stuttered, with a firm look.
"YOU CAN'T DO IT! Even if you were to grab it, you're not some unnatural genius like your friend was! You wouldn't be able to take it away!"
"I'M GONNA BITE IT OFF, IF I HAVE!"
"Then why don't you just bite off my head, Uh?!"
"WHY?!"
Her eye twitched in more, irritated confusion.
"Why what, now?!"
"WHY ARE YOU ACCEPTING IT?! WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE ME REMEDY, FOR ONCE!?"
"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SAYING THAT?!"
"WHY CAN'T I DO IT?! WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ME NOW?!"
"I'LL ALWAYS STOP YOU FROM DOING THE WORST IDIOCIES YOU COULD EVER DO, IT'S MY JOB!"
"IT'S NOT FAIR!"
His loud panting made her know he didn't have any more strength in his voice, nor in his arms ... so she just let him fall on the ground helplessly.
Her look of disdain didn't leave his trembling shape.
"Pathetic"
She saw his shoulders stiffen at that.
"I ... Why can't I do it?"
More irritation invaded her body, at hearing his sobbing words.
"Why do you let me go like that ... How can you say I'm not a burden, when you're the one it weighs the most on?"
Her fists clenched slightly, as his sobs grew.
"You'll just never change, Idiot Shinji."
He finally looked up at her, tears fully marking his cheeks.
"You'll never accept reality ... And you'll always have the worst excuses to try escape it"
"It's ... It's ... So unfair"
"You say it ..."
"Seriously, Asuka! Why do I have to make you pay?! It can't happen again!"
"Again?", she asked, her tone still full of spite.
"You know it! I almost crushed you! When you were trapped in UNIT 03!"
Her eye twitched again in surprise.
"... Such a baby ...", she let out with a groan, "It was your father! His goons at NERV! It was the Angel!"
"BUT YOU WERE STILL THERE!", he let out desperatedly
"AS THE ANGEL WAS!", she retorted, gritting her teeth and lowering her head towards his, "YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU WOULD'VE LET ME BE, IF YOUR FATHER HADN'T USED THE DUMMY PLUG?!"
"I would've tried to find a solution!", he replied loudly, "You could've been saved!"
"I DIDN'T DIE, DID I?!", she said, "THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO SELFISH!"
She took a step back from him.
"Even with Kaworu ... You let him die, and now you think that "saving me" will remedy to that!? ... I'm just his replacement, to make you feel better!"
"NO!", he said, standing up, "I'm think about you! You're not like him, you're you!"
"WHO?! WHO AM I, TO YOU?!", she let out in pure fury, "The mean Captain that's guarding you? So that, once you helped her, she'll help you back?!"
He shook his head in panic.
"Or maybe I'm just your hot pervy dream, you hope to make fall into your arms, the night?!"
"NO!"
"Don't you play with me, fucking brat!"
"I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU! I STILL CARE ABOUT YOU!"
Finally, silence returned in the spot, not even the wind blew anymore ... but now it weighed over them like an approaching storm, raising straight up from their essences.
"... You ... "still care"?"
Her tone showed a strange mix of feelings, sounding both surprised, shocked, offended and lost at the same time.
"... Yes", was his weak, teary response.
"... What does that even mean?"
"... What I said. I still care about you, Asuka ... Even after all these years"
"... When the heck did you ever care about me?!", she replied, making him wince in fear at her unexpected anger.
"S-Since we lived together!"
"... Now you're just being low!", she told in chilling coldness.
"... You don't believe me?"
He saw her arms shiver, her gaze looking down, making him see only the top of her red hair shaking uneasily at him ... before she launched herself to grab his collar again, this time to push him directly on the ground with a thunderous war cry.
"YOU FILTHY CHEATER!"
His shocked eyes couldn't contain that merciless glare.
"If there was ANYTHING you cared about, it was purely my body, for your dirty fantasies!"
"NO, I SWEAR!"
"YOU!", she yelled, pushing him harder on the ground
"HOW COULD YOU FELL ANY DIFFERENT?! WHO WOULD CARE ABOUT SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T EVEN RESPECT YOU, AND YOUR IDIOCY?!"
"But you weren't an Idiot!", he replied fearfully, but raising his voice enough for her to hear it clearly, "I saw all what I always wished, in you! How could I ignore all that you had to offer?!"
"YOU DIDN'T!", she barked, "I EVEN MADE YOU PAY FOR THAT! OR DO I HAVE TO REFRESH YOUR MEMORY?! THE KICK WILL STILL BE THE SAME, EVEN IF I'M ALL DRESSED UP, NOW!"
"What about your strength?! Your courage! You always said what you thought, no matter who or what you were facing!"
Her gritted teeth shook in a somewhat nervous way.
"... IDIOT!"
"I was never able to do anything good for you, Asuka! Not even when I cooked your meals!"
"I ate all of your meals! You think I would've done that, if they weren't good enough for ME?!"
"I ... I ...", he stuttered, before having all the words he could think of die in his throat.
"I don't want to repeat it again!", was her cold reply, when she didn't hear him finish, "You know what I think of you. You know what you ARE! There's no way you could do anything to remedy that"
She let his collar go once again, raising up her body, but still looking down at him.
"... I really can't, Asuka?", he asked, tears newly descending on his cheeks, "I really can't do at least one, only one ... good thing, for you?"
Again, a strange, bigger mix of emotions hit her guts.
"... I don't even know what I would ask you, if you were able to. But you ... Why do you still seem so insistent?", she asked, her cold tone coloring of an irritated shade.
"... I already told you why ... And ... I don't care if you don't believe me ..."
His sobbed a bit more louder, as he stood up to put his face in front of hers.
"No matter what you did, you weren't just a girl full of herself, looking down at everything I did ... You were the first girl ... the first person, having all I wished to have, in my life ... And I can't let you throw away that"
He stepped closer to her, and she mentally prepared to push him away again, her eyes shifting briefly towards his hands, in case they were to raise again towards her neck.
"Even if I can't see it now ...", he said weakly, eyeing her cape's collar, covering his visual on her neck, "I still want to take it off anyway ... To understand why the hell are YOU wearing it, instead of me ... I can't deny my responsibility, Asuka. Not only towards you ... But towards everyone, and everything in general.
... And you can't deny it, either"
Her iris shined in shock, as she took in his somber look, void of any will to attempt again something futile ... something he was willing to do with all his might ...
Silence reigned between them for what seemed an eternity, time and space having frozen around them ... with no way to escape it.
That was, 'til he actually moved, to return towards the spot where the fishing pole he had put down was resting.
He took it up again, turning back to look at her with an expressionless look.
"I'm going back ... See you there"
And with that, his slow steps brought him out of her view, leaving her alone with that mix of assaulting sensations she didn't want to feel.
She hadn't feel anything like that since ... Ever.
Nobody had ever made her feel things like those ... Nobody had ever had the guts to confront her like that.
Nobody ever ... Cared about doing it, with her ... And Nobody ever Cared about how she was going to react to that.
He said he didn't Care for her reaction at his words ... because he actually Cared about all the rest.
He STILL ... Cared abou All of herself.
What she didn't feel anymore. What had been lost, 14 years ago.
But he STILL brought it up like it was still there ...
How Unfair.
In case anyone would ask: I didn't plan for Shinji and Asuka to basically reenact an alternative version of their confrontation in the Instrumentality, in the original Series, but the more I was writing, the more it made sense to me to make a reference to that, only with the appropriate differences.
Think of it like at the end of the movie, where we see the beach scene between them, only in a less tragic fashion; maybe we can say the same about this?
Anyway, hope you enjoyed this, and stay tuned! This is not the end, yet!
Thanks to everybody who had decided, and will eventually decide, to give this story a chance! Don't forget to check out my other fiction, THE RIGHT CHANCE, with its first two chapters already out!
Have a Safe Day, everyone!