The bridges you're walking, the bridges you've burned
Loss is your neighbor who feels your concern
Some go high
Some go low
Keep in mind
The places you'll go
'Cause some get high
And some follow
So keep in mind
Keep in mind
The places you'll go
You leave a part of you wherever you may go
You leave a part of you with those that need it most
'Cause the world is full of faces that you may never know
And some will leave you words when you need them the most
You'll leave a part of you, a part of you when you go
- Places by Portair
The next morning, he gave me the explanation for his sudden disappearance as he gently knocked on the door to our secret cottage by the sea:
"Forgive my sudden disappearance! It was Filch who was looking for me. He should let me know immediately if someone is hanging around in the corridors at night," he said and quickly stepped over the threshold. With it came a cool winter breeze and the smell that the bustling sea washed in was salty and cold. Severus untied the long, heavy cloak and carelessly threw it over a dark wooden chair.
"What happened?" I asked and we sat down together on the couch, where Severus loosened his tight collar and took a deep breath before answering me.
"One or more students broke into the Forbidden Section of the library. Since higher school classes are given permission to do so in the course of teaching, it can only be someone from the lower school."
"The Weasley twins again?" I asked, wondering at the same time if their thirst for knowledge could really be that great. And Severus provided the right answer.
"Possibly. But they tend to spend the nights sneaking into the kitchen or using secret passages. Breaking into the library? They're not that inquisitive," he thought aloud and ran a finger thoughtfully over his soft lips.
I couldn't hold back my grin, because I knew who he really suspected. It couldn't be otherwise. Apparently, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
"So, you suspect someone else?" I asked innocently, suppressing my amusement in my voice.
"Yes. Indeed. But I didn't catch him. Because of this I'm going to have to stay at Hogwarts tomorrow night, which I'm very sorry about," Severus said, avoiding my gaze, which confirmed my suspicions.
"You suspect it was Harry," I said softly.
"In any case, I will have to watch him even more closely than before. Maybe I'll use a little bit of my art to sift through his memories and grasp his plan," Severus confirmed, looking at me again, his black bottomless eyes freezing cold when he spoke of the boy. I shuddered at the sight, for it wasn't the Severus I knew. It was not the protective and caring man sitting in front of me at that moment, but the bullied and neglected schoolboy. And I understood that he could not escape from this situation, he was trapped.
"But it will take time. I won't be able to come here every night during the Christmas holidays," Severus added as he misinterpreted my worried look.
"What's in the time between meals?" I asked, because Hogwarts was almost empty as most of the students were celebrating with their families.
"Yes. I think that can be set up." His eyes wandered over my body. "It reminds me that I still have your gift."
"Where is it?" I asked curiously, my gaze wandering to his empty hands.
"I've got it on me, you have to find it," he said challengingly and I grinned at the thought of stripping him down to his skin and enjoying his nakedness to the fullest.
So, we enjoyed the remaining days, during which the nights stayed at Hogwarts to keep an eye on the bustling Harry Potter.
"The holidays have never gone by so quickly, have they? I'm going to miss seeing you on the day between your meals at Hogwarts," I whispered affectionately in his ear.
"Don't worry, I'll make Potter suffer for it," Severus muttered, and I wrinkled my brow accusingly.
"You're not serious, Severus," I asked aloud, pulling myself out of his embrace.
"Well, I'm trying hard not to let it get serious. But I don't guarantee anything for the boy. I saw that he knows about the stone and the wards, and he thinks I want to steal it. And as his father overestimates, the boy is excessive. Instead of going to a teacher and expressing his fears, he thinks he can take on me. An 11-year-old boy with his two friends alone against a wizard like me. It's not just ridiculous, it makes me doubt his sanity," Severus said, clenching his hands into fists, his jaws clenching together.
"Does Dumbledore know about this?" I asked quietly, already suspecting the answer.
"Of course, I let him in on Potter's thoughts. But he thinks it's unimportant and was amused. He only mentioned that he would also protect the stone with a special mirror and that I should speak to Quirrell's conscience again. It was clear that he was responsible for the disaster on Halloween," Severus explained.
"And then why doesn't he fire Quirrell?" I asked, startled at the headmaster.
"Dumbledore wants to know beforehand why Quirrell needs the stone. He tried to read his mind and failed. And we're both sure it's not because of Quirrell's talents," Severus said, slowly calming his own mind.
"Be careful when you talk to Quirrell, don't underestimate him. And please don't try to punish Harry too much for his recklessness. He hasn't had it easy with Petunia so far."
"Not easy? Maybe I had it easy or you? Neither of us behaved so foolishly. The boy has his father in it, completely," Severus said, his jaws clenched again.
"And Lily," I reminded with an encouraging smile.
He grumbled and forced himself to grin, which didn't soothe my feeling he was taking out his anger on Harry. But what should I do? Make him feel guilty? Where he was already struggling so much with himself? I decided to leave it at that, even if I was plagued by remorse of conscience. Severus was worth more to me than anything else in this world, so I clung back to Severus' slender figure. I knew that the last few days had done him good, he had probably eaten a little more again. Even our popular potion against fatigue did not have to be used, since we also saw each other during the day, we could both find sleep at night. So, it was not surprising that his skin had taken on a healthier color again.
Severus threw on his long black cloak as he parted the next morning when a small piece of paper fell to the floor. He grabbed it, but I was faster. As I picked it up, I saw the moving photo of a young woman in a long cloak. In the background the black lake of Hogwarts. I looked at the photo with a big smile.
I was standing slightly sideways in the photo and grinning embarrassed, my long hair blowing slightly in the wind, just like my dress under the long cape.
"Why do you have that with you?" I asked in amazement and Severus blushed slightly before gently taking it from my hand and putting it back into his robe pocket.
"No worries. It is just as enchanted as your picture of us. If anyone else sees it besides the two of us, all they'll see is a paper with instructions for a potion. You know I wanted a picture of the two of us. And if I miss you, I'll look at the photo.", he explained embarrassed and looked at me uncertainly with his beautiful black eyes.
"And that happens a lot?" I asked with a smile, enjoying his embarrassment.
"It happens several times a day, if I'm being honest." He cleared his throat, his cheeks turning faintly pink.
I giggled softly and hugged him tightly.
And after a last heartfelt kiss, he closed the door behind me, and I went to my shift at St. Mungo.
"It's good that you're on time! All hell broke loose here over Christmas! Numerous mothers-in-law have been admitted here, some of them with evil bewitches!" shouted Asclepius Sharp and pressed a potion into a patient whose hands were as big as an armchair. "Mrs. Blake has also taken a silent potion that makes it impossible for her to open her mouth."
I felt a hint of gratitude that Asklepios Sharp had taken over the full shift at Christmas this year.
I scurried to his side and stroked the patient's back, whose eyes were widened in shock, so that she would not regurgitate the bitter-tasting deflation potion again.
"Do you think this will ever stop, Asclepius?" I asked quietly in his ear.
"What? You mean that at some point people will respect each other completely and treat each other with respect?" He shook his head vigorously.
"I wonder if the Muggle hospitals are as busy as we are here," I murmured, watching the old lady's hands slowly shrink.
"Maybe. Although the Muggles don't have that many options, do they? Aren't you Muggle-born?" he asked me, looking at me with interest.
"Yes, they prefer to hurt with words, but unfortunately also with fisticuffs. But these traces are not often visible for others, so they can be concealed, no matter how painful they are," I replied, thinking back to my past. I saw my father standing menacingly over my mother, holding his hand raised to beat her out the door.
I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip to suppress this thought. It was a part of my past, but in the present it was irrelevant. I had other things I wanted to focus on. And the most beautiful thing was the thought of Severus lovingly kissing and hugging me just a few hours ago. I had found my happiness after all and it was in the arms of the person my heart desired most.
"In thought, Catherine?" Asclepius asked me in a soft voice and I looked into his smiling face. "Was Christmas so pleasant?"
"Let's say it was fulfilling," I replied, leaning back to the patient to look at her hands. They had now returned to their normal size.
"I'm going to make my son-in-law suffer for it. This good-for-nothing from a pathetic wizard! My Martha is way too good for him! She could have worked in the ministry. Now she only looks after her children, whom she has from this idiot," the elderly lady grumbled, who had apparently also found her voice again. I gave Asclepius a meaningful look, who couldn't help but grin.
"It's all right, Mrs. Blake. And I don't know if you can really call her son-in-law a pathetic wizard. After all, he has made a good swell spell and a silent potion. Not all magicians are capable of this," I spoke in a calm and understanding voice.
"You don't know anything about him. Only misdeeds. He can do that. And his son has become one as well. Just nonsense in his head...", the woman continued.
"Well, sometimes it helps to just imagine that her daughter seems happy with him. Otherwise, she probably wouldn't have chosen him, would she?" I asked gently.
"Well, Martha has always had a heart for injured animals to take care of," the woman thought aloud.
"Maybe she found her job in it. And if that love makes them happy, you should be glad. So many people are striving for just that. A love that lets you be who you are. No effort to become someone else. This is apparently exactly what her daughter and son-in-law found. You're lucky, Mrs. Blake."
"I... now... Maybe you're right. I will try to be aware of this the next time I face this fiend. But-"
"Very nice, then you can go now, you don't have to worry about any long-term consequences!", I said quickly and pointed her with one hand to the door of the corridor.
"Good-bye, Mrs. Blake!" shouted Asclepius quickly. "We now have another patient." He dragged me with him into another empty room and took a deep breath.
"You don't have to waste time with her. She's here almost every year. And honestly, I'm surprised that her son-in-law hasn't already put her on the moon," he explained, putting his forehead in the usual worry lines.
"I guess there's nothing like family," I said quietly and shook my head.
"That's one reason why I don't have one," Askelpios said. "Your next case is a patient in room 394 with a persistent rash. She said she got a potted plant as a gift from her neighbour."
" Sounds like my area of expertise," I said, taking the recording sheet he held out to me.
"That's what I thought. I need a break first. Were long holidays."; he sighed and dropped into a chair.
"Sure, you deserve it," I said and hurried off to work off my patients until I visited Alice and Frank Longbottom before my lunch break. Both had been visited over Christmas by their son Neville, who had given them both a few Flitterbloom as a houseplant, which he had grown in class. The plants looked very healthy and smelled pleasant. I smiled at the thought that my friend's son seemed to have an aptitude for herbalism, just like me.
When I stepped out of the room, a surprise guest suddenly stood in front of me.
"Is it too late to wish you a Merry Christmas, Catherine?" a familiar voice asked, and I looked into the friendly face of Remus, who grinned broadly at me.
"It's never too late for that!" I shouted, hugging him tightly, noticing his thin figure. He gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek, as he often did when we hadn't seen each other for a long time.
"Are you okay, Remus?" I asked softly.
"Just like someone like me can be. But actually, I wanted to pick you up for lunch. I hope you have time?" he asked me.
"Sure, I always have time for you, Remus. You must be aware of that," I laughed and took him by the hand. I took off the lime green cloak and we went together to a Muggle restaurant, where he told me about his fulfilling volunteer work with young people and we exchanged news about the wizarding world.
The next few weeks passed until Severus sat next to me again frustrated after the Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff game.
"Do you need more potion against your headache?" I asked him, holding a pink liquid to him. He shook his head.
"Weasley's bludger wasn't that bad either. I'm more of a headache that Gryffindor won again and Potter almost blew me over. In front of all teachers and students, I must have looked ridiculous." But I sensed that it wasn't all that was tormenting Severus, so my gaze pierced him and urged him to keep talking. He sighed briefly.
"And I met Quirrell in the forbidden forest and threatened him, reminded him that he was indebted to Dumbledore. It was strange, Catherine. At that moment, I have... I can hardly pronounce it, it was certainly just a strange feeling, nothing more." But his look told me the opposite, he was worried about something he never did for no reason.
"Severus, what did you feel? Please tell me, it seems to be bothering you and it seems important," I urged him, touching his cheek affectionately as I sat down with him on the couch in front of the crackling fireplace.
"There was a breeze and at that moment I had the thought that the Dark Lord was there. I felt his presence as if he had been standing in front of me. Yet, there was no one but me and Quirrell and some cattle in the tree that moved." He said quietly and slowly.
"You felt Voldemort?" I asked, slapping a hand over my mouth as Severus winced slightly at the sound of the name. I looked at Severus with wide eyes, he saw my fear clearly in my face.
"I'm sure I was just imagining it. It was nonsense," he said, trying to smile at me encouragingly.
"Did you tell Dumbledore?" I asked, moving close to the warm body of Severus, who now put an arm around me reassuringly and stroked my arm with his hand.
"Yes. But he said he suspected a connection between Quirrell and the Dark Lord. Quirrell was in Albania before his post at Hogwarts, where Dumbledore suspected his whereabouts. It would be easy to impose oneself on Quirrell. The Dark Lord has never had any problems winning over naïve and easily too impressive people. And it would explain the injuries from the unicorns in the forest that the ranger noticed."
"Unicorns? Whoever harms these beings is... cursed, isn't it?" I asked, my breath catching.
"Only those who drink their blood, at least that's what they say," Severus corrected me quietly.
"But that would mean that his existence has progressed to the point where he is capable of communicating. And that he consummates the blood of the animals. So, he must have some kind of body," I concluded, pressing myself even closer to my lover's protective body.
"Indeed."
"But why would Dumbledore risk leaving someone like that at Hogwarts. Near Harry?" I asked, looking at Severus in astonishment. He smiled, to my surprise.
"That's exactly the question I asked Dumbledore, but he thought it better not to talk to me about it any further," Severus said in a bitter voice.
"He's not serious! The boy is in danger if his suspicion is correct and Quirrell is a Death Eater. Just like you," I said, and a negative feeling towards the headmaster grew in me.
"You know Dumbledore thinks Potter is safe as long as he's at Hogwarts and around him," Severus replied quietly.
"I don't think it's good, Severus," I said firmly, looking at him insistently.
"That's exactly why I argued with the headmaster before the Quidditch game. I was incredibly angry about this situation. That's why Dumbledore thought it would be best for him to be present at the game himself. In case I can't concentrate."
I shook my head at it.
"Did he at least secure this stone properly?" I asked.
"Yes, as I told you, he added another security measure. A special mirror," Severus said, looking thoughtful again.
"A mirror is supposed to keep the Dark Lord from accessing the stone?"
"In addition to the wards of Minerva, Filius and me, as well as this mutt with three heads. Not counting the troll of Quirrell himself, yes," Severus enumerated, looking at me.
"I know that he will fail at your task at the latest. I'm sure you've come up with something excellent," I thought out loud and his mouth formed into a grin on Severus' pale face.
"Thank you for your trust. In fact, I suspected that Quirrell had little to do with logic and that the threat of death would deter him."
"I know you like logical puzzles. I suspect there's a little poison involved?" I said, and he nodded, smiling. I pulled him close enough to feel his breath on my skin, inhale his smell of bitter potions, parchment, and leather bindings that accompanied him every school year.
At the end of the school year, Severus' mood improved abruptly when Harry Potter was discovered in the night with his girlfriend Hermione Granger on the Astronomy Tower, while Alice and Frank's son wandered around the castle. The 150 points that Minerva deducted from her own house secured Severus and Slytherin the house trophy and he could happily watch as Harry had to go to detention and his girlfriend Hermione remained silent in Severus' class.
"I heard Potter talking about me with Granger and Weasley today. He thinks I'm going to steal the stone tonight," Severus said, leaning over to kiss me affectionately.
"What did you do?" I asked him in astonishment, putting down my book and making room for Severus on the couch.
"I wished him a nice afternoon and gave him a stunning smile," Severus said softly. I stared at him with my mouth open.
"And then?" I asked skeptically when I found the language again.
"They are advised to be more careful, because Gryffindor really can't afford to lose any more points. And then I took Potter aside and warned him about another night hike. He doesn't break rules with impunity like his father, I'll make sure of that and if he gets expelled from school," Severus said in a sweet tone as I flipped up my open mouth.
"I met Granger in front of the staff room before I went to see you. She was supposedly looking for Flitwick, I rather suspect she was supposed to spy on me. But as you can see, I escaped after handing her over to Flitwick, whom she must have pestered with her stupid questions afterwards." He grinned maliciously and leaned back relaxed.
"Do you think Harry will listen to you?" I asked uncertainly.
"I'm sure the boy won't sneak to the stone tonight, not even he's that stupid. And if he does, Hagrid's animal is waiting for him," he said happily, thinking about how the boy would stand in front of the three-headed animal. I raised my eyebrows thoughtfully, after all, Harry had already proven that he does not live according to the rules.
"And don't worry, if I'm wanted at Hogwarts, my signal will sound," he said reassuringly, placing his ebony wand on the table in front of us. "Besides, I'm not here to philosophize about Potter. You'd better tell me how your day was before we head upstairs."
"Aren't you hungry, Severus? There hasn't been dinner at the castle so early."
"Only on you," he whispered in my ear and I blushed as if I were a young student. Severus pulled me towards him with a jerk to kiss me passionately before we went together to a woolly place to love each other with every fiber of our selves.
But Severus should be wrong about his opinion of Harry. Unfortunately..