Chapter 160: Secret Weapons
Humility is the only defense against humiliation.
Recap: Secret transmission intercepted! The Jedi Council has intercepted an encoded transmission of General Grievous. However, Republic Intelligence officers have failed to crack the new encryption code being used by the droids. Fears escalate that the Separatists are about to mount a major offensive. Having located the source of the transmission deep in Separatist space, the Jedi plan a counterstrike to capture an enemy decoding chip which will allow them to understand the transmission and thwart the Separatist plot.
On Coruscant, in the Jedi Temple, many Jedi were gathered as Mace Windu announced their plan to secure a decoding module from within enemy lines. All in a line, standing at attention, was R2 and several other astromechs. Twilight's droid joined the droids as the princess set her small robot next to R2 and informed her little buddy to listen to what the great Jedi Master had to say.
"Time is not on our side, so I'll make this short. You droids have been chosen for a very important mission. There's an encryption module on board this Separatist dreadnought. This device is scrambling all Separatist communication in the region." said Master Windu as he showed the hologram of the map to the droids. "We believe you six can get behind enemy lines, infiltrate the vault without drawing attention to yourselves, and steal that encryption module."
At that moment, the door behind the Jedi Master opened. There was a clone, and next to him was a pit droid.
"WAC-47, reporting for duty!" said the pit droid as he entered and stood before Windu. "Sorry I am late. I thought the message said to meet in the "Jedi storeroom," whatever that is. Heh. So did I miss anything?" the droid looked around Windu.
"Fall in line, soldier," glared the Jedi Master at the droid's antics and playful behavior.
The clone shook his head at the droid's behavior as everyone watched the droid join the others before turning back to Windu.
"So I hear we're gonna be taking out Separatists," joked the pit droid as he almost fell over while pretending to swing his arms as if he was fighting.
"I will be honest. Some of you may not make it back," stated Windu as he looked down at the pit droid.
"What... why is he looking at me? Uh, were you just looking at me?" asked the pit droid as he felt singled out by that comment from the Jedi Master. Windu kept his look as the pit droid backed off. "I... I was just kidding."
"But I have faith in your abilities. You are not ordinary droids," said Windu as he continued his presentation like normal. "You've worked with the Jedi before. You are our secret weapons. Now, let me turn you over to your mission leader. The colonel is one of our top minds at Strategic Command. He's been with the Republic since the Battle of Geonosis, Colonel Meebur Gascon."
The doors opened behind Windu. Nobody was there until it panned down to reveal the colonel as he was rather... tiny. The colonel was a small male Zilkin; he walked in and jumped to grab the edge of the hologram table before pulling himself up and standing before the line of droids.
"Thank you, Master Windu. I'll take it from here," said the colonel.
"May the Force be with you," said Windu as he began to leave.
Every other Jedi began to do the same as Anakin gave a parting pat on the head of R2 and smiled to wish him luck on his mission. Twilight quickly bent down to address her droid.
"Make sure you scan and record everything for your databanks," said the princess to her droid.
"Affirmative," said the droid to her creator, as she knew Twilight wanted her droid to continue absorbing information.
The princess smiled before she got up and left the room. The droid turned back as she began to listen to the colonel speak.
"Attention! Now, I'm only gonna say this once, so turn up your audio inputs. Once we're inside the cruiser, we make our way to the "C" deck. That's where their communication center is housed." said the colonel as he began to show the hologram to the droids. "We bypass security here and here, divert the super battle droids here. Then we break the vault code, beat the swarm mines, steal the encryption module, and return home in time for my promotion ceremony to brigadier general. Are we clear?"
The droids all looked at each other as TS-01 finished recording the steps to the plan to its memory. However, while the others seemed to understand, the pit droid had something to say.
"Uh... uh..."
"Good, that's what I like: No questions!" said the colonel.
"Oh," responded the pit droid.
"D-Squad, fall in line!" said the colonel as he jumped down and began to walk as the astromechs and Twilight's droid began to follow them.
"The line starts behind me, mech," said the pit droid as he cut to the front of the line and boasted.
He failed to look forward as he hit the side and fell back instead of marching out the door. R2 and the other astromechs laughed at the pit droid as they rolled by. TS-01 stopped by the pit droid as he lifted his head and rubbed it. The princess' droid scanned him quickly before marching on her merry way. The label on the droid said idiot; she merely shrugged her shoulders as she followed the others out the door.
The colonel led the group of droids to a room as many machines were hard at work.
"Over here, you mechs, front and center. This is Dr. Gubacher," said the colonel as he introduced a male Parwan engineer. "He is..."
"Uh, uh, Corporal?" said the pit droid as he interrupted the colonel in the middle of his speech.
"Colonel," said Gascon as he corrected the droid.
"Right. Well, I just want to set the record straight. I am not a mech. You called us all mechs back there, but as you can see, I am a WAC." said the pit droid. "Granted, my master's not a Jedi, but I am a different class of droid... better engineering."
"As I was saying before, I was rudely interrupted; Dr. Gubacher is going to equip each of you with a tactical upgrade specially designed for this mission." said the colonel as the astromechs made some noise. "All right, enough with the chatter. Let's get this show on the road."
The droids all began to get in line as they prepared to get the specific tool attached to them for the mission.
"Cyclops, you're not needed here. Go prepare our shuttle for launch!" said the colonel, dismissing WAC and assigning him to pilot duty.
The pit droid merely grumbled to himself; Twilight's droid took in the droid as she turned her head to the side, unsure of what to make of the bubbling idiot that her system labeled the droid. Soon, she returned her attention to the others as she got on the treadmill. Dr. Gubacher then began to inform each of the droids of the upgrade they were getting.
"R2-D2, these advanced rocket boosters should give you better aerial mobility and for longer periods of time. Ah, but be advised: The navigation control are finely tuned." said the Parwan as R2 tested his new rocket boosters before moving along.
"QT-KT, this coil is a remote-controlled magnet. It can attract any metal object in a seven-meter radius. But when dealing with mines, you'll want to take care. The magnetic force is extremely powerful." said the doctor as the astromech
"U9-C4, this laser-cutter will slice through most materials you encounter," the engineer said as the astromech tested it and shot back. "But make sure you're in a locked position. The recoil packs quite a wallop."
The droid got up and felt dizzy as Twilight's droid was next. The machine arms were looking to grab the droid, but she was smaller than the standard position, so the arms had to lower themselves. They attempted to grab her, but she was much smaller and slipped through the claws. Eventually, one of them grabbed her arm and, with a quick power tool sound, attached the upgrade to it as the droid slid forward so the doctor could explain.
"TS-01, this grappling hook will allow you to fire a 2-mile steel-reinforced cable and attach to almost any surface. It's fully operational and retracts automatically once getting a good grip."
Twilight's droid looked at the device on its wrist as she scanned it and stored the info in her databanks per Twilight's orders. She then aimed her arm and fired the cable; it shot out quickly and attached to the wall. The small droid was impressed as she continued to run diagnostics on it, already running the numbers and calculations in its memory core on improving it.
She left as the final astromech appeared, ready for whatever upgrades he would get for the mission.
"No, no, no, no, no. M5-BZ, we are not putting anything inside you. We're taking something out: Your memory banks." said Dr. Gubacher as M5-BZ made some noise upon hearing that. "I'll be making the extraction myself in the salvage room. I am sorry, but we need to make room for the Colonel's command center."
The droid was then taken away.
"No need to baby him. He's just a droid," said the colonel as he showed no sympathy for the astromech.
"Fortunately, he won't remember any of this," smiled the doctor as he seemed to side with the general after putting on an act to the droid.
In the cockpit of the shuttle, the pit droid was doing his job of prepping the ship. Soon the doors opened as in rolled BZ.
"What do you want, BZ?" asked WAC.
"It's me, you moron!" shouted the colonel as the top of the astromech popped open, and the small military officer revealed himself.
"What are you doing in there, Corporal?" asked the pit droid as he leaned over to peek inside the astromech; a small command center was made for him when they removed MZ's memory banks.
"And how many times do I have to tell you? It's Colonel!" shouted Gascon.
"Nice setup. I want to know why I did not get an upgrade," asked the pit droid.
"Because you are just a pilot! Now do your job and pilot this ship!" shouted the colonel as he shut the top and turned to roll away.
Twilight's droid was walking in as she stepped to the side and allowed the colonel by. Once he was gone, she resumed her walk and jumped to grab the seat before pulling herself up a bit as she struggled.
"Just a pilot... we will see about that," said the pit droid as he took offense to what the colonel said and looked to prove him wrong.
"What are you... thinking?" asked Twilight's droid as she nonchalantly spun around in her chair.
"You'll see," said the pit droid as he began to mess with the controls.
Twilight's droid looked at the pit droid for a bit longer before her systems began to record.
"Observation: A feeling of tense atmosphere. It feels like the world is spinning. There's a sense of... dread. Not sure what it means. Further knowledge is required to understand what this... emotion is." said TS-01 as she finished her recording and had it sent to her memory banks. The droid hoped Twilight could tell her what "worry" was.
Some time in the flight, TS-01 and WAC were piloting the ship. Twilight's droid was watching the window as her system was working on recording everything she saw to fill her memory banks. The door to the cockpit opened as in rolled the colonel.
"All right, Cyclops, listen up. I want you to alert me when we near the dreadnought. I have a plan on how to attract their attention." said the colonel as he popped open the hood of the astromech he was in and addressed the pit droid.
"Relax. I already took care of it," responded the droid as even Twilight's droid stopped swinging her legs to look at her copilot.
"What do you mean? What did you do?" asked the colonel.
"I put us on a collision course with the dreadnought. See, Corporal? I am not just a pilot." said the pit droid as he decided to crash their ship into their target to get onboard.
"Overriding!" shouted TS-01 as she furiously pushed the console's buttons to stop their course.
"You idiot!" shouted the colonel.
"Oh, so that's what he is," said Twilight's droid as she had an epiphany about the pit droid.
"We're caught in a tractor beam," expressed the colonel.
Their shuttle was being sucked into the Separatist ship they were targeting. They soon landed in the hanger bay as several droids were walking about. Soon a set of droids boarded their shuttle as they went to check who was invading their territory.
"Hold it right there," said one of the droids as he saw R2 and the others.
"Out of the way, tin cans. Let's check the cockpit."
The droids moved to the cockpit as they hugged the sides before the doors opened. They looked as only the pit droid and TS-01 were present, and both raised their hands. They entered and scanned the room but saw no one else.
"No sign of life, just these droids," said one of them.
"Continue your search while I take these droids in for interrogation," stated the B1 droids in charge.
Everyone began to march as they formed a line and were being taken away.
"Everyone just stay calm," said the colonel.
R2 then made his move as he was in the back of the line. He turned around and pulled out his taser, shocking the droid behind him.
"Oh, my gosh! You are Republic droids!" said the B1 droid in the front as he saw R2 shock his comrade.
"That is right, and I am their leader," said the pit droid as he circled the droid to his other side.
"No, he's an idiot," commented Twilight's droid.
Just then, QT pulled out his taser and shocked the droid as he was removed. However, the pit droid just jumped on the droid and began to punch it despite it being out of commission.
"Yeah, I got him," said the pit droid as he whaled. "Well, thanks for the assist, QT."
Twilight's droid then began to drag both droids in her hands to hide the bodies. Once they were hidden, the Republic droids popped out as the colonel opened the top of his droid and addressed the group.
"All right, listen up. The next phase of my plan is to reach the "C" deck. We'll take this path here. Since the mechs won't draw much attention, we'll go in a convoy." said the colonel as he shared the plan with the robots.
"Cyclops! You and the princess' droid lead the way. If anyone asks, you're taking the droids on a repair job. Got it?"
"Affirmative," said TS-01 as she saluted.
"Yes, sir, uh... Captain."
"It's Colonel!" shouted the military officer as the pit droid still messed up his rank. "I swear, Cyclops. You are gonna drive me crazy."
The colonel and the others began to follow the two droids leading the way.
"Now, I want flat top to locate the comm-vault power supply, then use his laser to cut the main line and cause a temporary loss in power," stated the colonel to C4 as he looked at the schematics in front of his screen.
The group soon arrived at their destination as they turned the corner.
"You can do it, C4!" said the pit droid as he cheered the astromech, who rolled forward. The astromech approached the control as he turned and began to pull out his power laser cutter. "Oh, do not forget to lock down your..." the pit droid tried to warn the astromech to secure his weight, but he was too late. C4 fired his laser as he forgot about the recoil from how powerful it was and hit the wall as his laser went all over the panel. He fell down as his laser continued to fire.
On the ship's bridge, the tactical droid was seated with his hand under his head to show how bored he was. Nearby a droid was at his station when he noticed something and got the attention of his superior officer.
"Sir, there was a temporary power loss on the "C" deck."
"Has the power been reestablished?" asked the tactical droid.
"Yes. It was only a temporary fluctuation."
"Hmm, curious," said the tactical droid, thinking about what had transpired a moment ago.
With the droids, C4 was rolling back as his head was spinning. He stopped as Twilight's droid caught him from continuing to roll. The small droid turned its head to face the colonel as he popped out to address his squad.
"All right, listen up. Cutting the power put the comm-vault security system in manual override. But someone still has to distract some super battle droids," said the colonel.
"Oh, please, please, please. Let me do it, come on, come on, come on, come on, let me do it, please. Come on, come on." pleaded the pit droid as the colonel sat back and face-palmed himself at how annoying the WAC was getting.
"All right."
"You will not regret this, corporal," said the pit droid.
"I am not a..." The colonel tried to correct the WAC, but he was already gone. "You!" he pointed at Twilight's droid. "Keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't cost the mission by doing something foolish."
"Yes, corporal," saluted TS-01.
"Finally, someone who respects authority," said the officer as Twilight's droid went after the idiot, I mean, enthusiastic pit droid.
The pit droid was strolling to the Superbattle droids guarding the door while singing a tune.
"Halt," said one of the guards as they both aimed their blasters at the pit droid.
"I have been ordered by General Grievous to test comm-vault security. And I need your help. Now, follow me." said the pit droid just as TS-01 arrived. She looked at the big droids while they looked at her before following her ally.
"Observation: Unlike me, droids are simple-minded. They cannot think freely and require some command. Easily fooled. Commit to memory." said Twilight's droid as she downloaded that info into her data banks.
They soon arrived at a room as WAC began to inform the Superbattle droids.
"Now, I will go inside the comm-vault and send out a power surge. I need you two to stay here. It will not be safe for you while I am working. Are we clear?" asked the pit droid. In the background, R2 and the others all rolled by quietly as the distraction worked.
"Yes, but..." said the Superbattle droids as they entered, but the door was shut in their face before they could finish speaking.
"Good. That is what I like: No questions." said the pit droid as he and Twilight's droid began to head back to the others.
"Huh?" said one of the Superbattle droids inside, as they didn't know what was happening.
The duo arrived to where the others were as they walked through the doors.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you very much."
"Shh. Quiet. We need to keep moving." said the colonel from inside as the pit droid spoke rather loudly. "BZ, open the comm-vault security door."
"Uh, make sure it is not booby-trapped," said the pit droid.
BZ approached the door as he plugged in. Soon an electric pulse was shot out, and it began to fry the droid as he was knocked back, with the colonel popping out from inside. The astromech he was using as his command center was now fried.
"You blockhead! Now we're going to lose manual override." shouted the colonel to the fried astromech he was using as his cover.
"You... you terminated BZ," said the pit droid to the colonel.
"No response," said Twilight's droid as she did a quick schematics on the astromech to see it was no longer functioning.
"It's not my fault he fried his circuitry. I didn't tell that nitwit to attack the access panel," said the colonel.
"So what do we do now, Corporal?" asked the pit droid to their officer.
"Look, we can still salvage this mission. If one of you could just... you need to reaccess that panel, and we have to open that comm-vault door fast and grab the encryption module before we're caught red-handed." said the colonel.
"Then perhaps, you could be the one. Since you know what to do," suggested TS-01.
"No, I will not do it myself. I'm an officer. I've got no experience in this type of crisis maneuver." said the colonel as he seemed to fumble his words when trying to justify himself.
"You fought in the Battle of Geonosis. That did not prepare you for a crisis?" asked the pit droid.
"Well, technically, I didn't fight in that battle. I'm a military analyst by trade and..."
"You are a map reader?" translated Twilight's droid. R2 and the others all cackled a bit upon hearing that.
"I am an accomplished battlefield strategist. I analyze the enemy terrain and plot a course to victory."
"In other words, you read maps."
"You're off base here, Cyclops!" shouted the colonel as he didn't like the pit droid embarrassing him. "I was chosen for my fearsome cunning, although my size may have played a small factor. But do not think for a moment that Colonel Meebur Gascon is going to relinquish command of this mission."
As the colonel ranted, R2 and TS-01 approached the vault as the princess' droid told her friend to plug in. She had scanned the vault door and found some security measures that could be easily bypassed if they followed a certain pattern.
"Okay, 16 left, 19 right. 24 left, and lastly, 1 to the center," told TS-01 as R2 followed the command of its comrade.
"I have waited a lifetime for this opportunity, and some ragtag collection of droids is not going to deny me my destiny. So one way or another, I will open that comm-vault door!" shouted the colonel, looking away and pointing his finger at the door.
As if on cue, the door opened, thanks to the two droids. The others all looked at the pair as R2 gave a chirp.
"It's open," said TS-01 as she responded nonchalantly.
"Oh, there, just like I planned it," said the colonel, playing it off cool before jumping onto another astromech's head and stomping. The astromech pulled up the ship's map as he explained it. "Now, we're going to infiltrate this vault, neutralize the swarm mines, and then secure the encryption module. Any questions?"
"Have you ever been in a battle before?" asked the pit droid.
"No, I have not. But if you'd care to see what I'm made of, we can go to war right now, you and me, and probably get ourselves captured by a Separatist! Or we can execute my plan and come out of this mission looking like heroes. The choice is yours, Cyclops." shouted the colonel as he glared at the pit droid.
"First of all, my name is WAC. Second of all, we will execute your plan. But you have to stop calling us stupid names, Shorty," said the pit droid as he leaned against one of the astromech, who shook him off as he still didn't like the idiot.
"For the record, I was never given one," said TS-01, as she had never been called by a nickname by the colonel like the others. She was Twilight's droid, and the colonel knew about the princess and her power/influence. So he chose to be respectful toward her small robot.
"Very well, WAC. I'll play nice, but only until one of you screws up again," said the colonel as he had a mission to stick to.
The tactical droid remained in his seat on the ship's bridge. Like before, the B1 droid at his station noticed another odd thing: it was coming from the same place as earlier.
"Sir, there has been another disturbance on the "C" deck," said the droid.
"I will investigate this situation personally," responded the tactical droid as he got up and began to head down to the C deck to see what the issue was.
With the Republic droids, they had made it to their destination as they had their next obstacle to deal with. Swarm mines that littered the entire room.
"All right, Pinky... I mean, QT. This is your chance to shine. Use your magnet to attract those swarm mines." instructed the colonel to the astromech.
QT rolled forward as the top of its head popped out its magnet and began to float forward. The magnet worked as it began to pull the swarm mines in one by one. Once all were captured, the magnet returned to QT as it dropped the mines inside the astromech for safekeeping, and the group moved forward. At the same time, the tactical droid investigating the issue was shown entering the room where BZ lay on the ground. He looked at it momentarily as he kept walking, accompanied by several droids behind him.
With the Republic droids, they entered the vault, holding the module as they looked up.
"There it is, the encryption module. It's all up to you now, R2," said the colonel as it was the blue astromech's turn to shine.
R2 turned on his rocket boosters and started ascending when the doors opened.
"Not so fast," said the tactical droid as he entered, kicking one of the astromechs forward to walk in. "Arms up."
R2 did as instructed as he lifted his legs up. He rotated his head back to see the panel as he relayed the info to the colonel.
"Gravity," said the colonel as R2 pulled his suction cup onto the panel's surface. "Right, turn it off, quick!"
Within a second, the gravity inside the room was turned off as all the droids were floating. The astromechs began to use their tools to combat as C4 fired his laser and was pushed back and spun but managed to slice some droids. QT used his magnet with the mines attached to it and fired them at the droids, creating a small explosion. TS-01 fired the grappling hook from her wrist as it attached to one of the walls, changed one of her hands into a blaster, and began picking off any remaining targets.
All the while, R2 used his rocket boosters to circle up toward the module while his comrades covered him. R2 was about to grab the module when the tactical droid got ahold of one of his rocket boosters. The blue astromech tried to get free and even had one of his boosters burn its hand to release, but the droid began to aim his blaster. The colonel then decided to act as he jumped onto the droid's face and began shaking him off. He flung the colonel back and was going back to aim at R2 before the colonel used gravity to push himself forward and kick.
The tactical droid was pushed a few meters before he began to aim at the colonel. With the general's small size and holding onto the blaster, the droid was having difficulty hitting him, but the colonel was barely holding on. Nearby, WAC was swimming about in the low gravity as he saw the colonel in a struggle.'
"Do something, idiot," said Twilight's droid as she unintentionally called WAC that since her systems labeled him as that.
"I will help you, Corporal," said the pit droid.
He began to swim forward as he grabbed a piece of a droid's arm and whacked it over the head of the tactical droid twice. He turned as the colonel was floating about.
"Oh, I'm gonna be sick," said the colonel as he was experiencing some motion sickness from all the shaking he underwent.
"Corporal, are you okay?"
"Look out!" shouted the colonel to the pit droid.
The tactical droid recovered and bonked the pit droid downward. The pit droid could curl into a ball, allowing him to recover without falling too far. R2 had grabbed the module when the tactical droid got a hold of its legs. He was using his other hand to try and grab the colonel.
"I will turn the gravity back on."
"Hurry, WAC, hurry!" shouted the colonel as he hung onto the tactical droid's head.
The pit droid pushed the button, and gravity returned within seconds. Everyone fell apart from R2 and TS-01 as they hung on. The tactical droid sat up and saw the colonel beside him as he grabbed him in his clutches. The colonel struggled to break free as R2 let go and fell. The blue astromech fell onto the tactical droid as its head came off its body with the wire still connected, but it was offline.
"I'll take that," said the colonel as he hopped onto R2, who was still on top of the tactical droid and taking a moment. "Ha-ha, good work, R2."
R2 gave a response that translated to him saying thanks while in pain from falling on top of another droid and starting to feel it go away slowly.
"Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Intruder alert. Intruder alert." said the tactical droid's head as it sent out an alert.
"Let's move it out, D-Squad!" said the colonel as they had to go.
The group was walking past the body of BZ as they all stopped to look at it.
"What are you doing? We're going to get caught!" said the colonel as the droids all decided to stop and look at the droid that wasn't functioning. R2 gave a response.
"R2 says we cannot leave BZ behind," said the pit droid.
The colonel took a moment to let what the blue astromech said sink in.
"R2's right. We can repair him on the shuttle," said the colonel.
"There's trouble on the "C" deck. Report there immediately!" said a B1 droid as he was the squadron leader.
The group had heard the intruder alert and were heading toward the signal. They had turned the left at the end of the hallway. Moments later, the Republic group came from the right of the hallway, heading toward their shuttle. The group was almost home free when they crashed into another group of B1 droids heading toward the signal.
"Get out of the way, you stupid astromechs!" said the squad leader as they all walked past the droids toward the others.
All of them watched them leave as the colonel popped out of hiding.
"Funny thing about droids... last thing they'd expect to betray them: Another droid." said the colonel as they all began to make some noise. "D-Squad, let's go home."
The group began to move forward as they passed by many battle droids marching. They all boarded their shuttle, and they started the engines. Soon they exited the Separatist ship and managed to make a clean getaway.
"Ah, my first mission... a rousing success and a brilliant plan if I do say so myself," said the colonel as WAC and TS-01 piloted the shuttle. R2 chimed in.
"I agree, R2. The team's execution was not too shabby. Who knows, you droids might make decent soldiers after all, " said the colonel as he addressed them all. "Oh, and you, too, WAC."
"Yes, sir, Colonel," said WAC as he saluted the officer, smiling at the pit droid for saying his rank correctly.
Author's Note: So starts the droid arc which thankfully isn't just full of beeps which would be a nightmare to translate. So the droid crew has succeeded in their mission of getting inside the enemy ship and using all their specializedtools to steal the device they're after. And they managed to successfully escape, undetected. Also, believe it or not, George Lucas himself considers this arc to be his favorite of the entire series. That's a weird and fun fact to know. As always, leave a review expressing your thoughts and comments.