Smash Mansion
Mario and Peach's suite
00:00
Bzzt, bzzt
Mario's eyes fluttered open. He found himself hugging one of Peach's many throw pillows as his vision came into focus. Mario smirked. She'd laid down with him at 1800.
That girl sighed Mario Full-a energy. Meanwhile, one day of admin knocks my ass out.
He rolled over to retrieve his still buzzing communicator. Swiping the screen to turn the alarm off, he saw that he had two outstanding text messages, one from Sans and the other from Snake. Fighting his biting impulse to delete Sans' message outright (the last one had simply read "crust" after all), he tapped the prompt, opening it.
Gimmie the Off the Hook's time tomorrow. Me an' Pap want to fuck with the kid hard
Mario frowned, keying in a quick response.
You can interview Quinn, OtH gets the rest of their time tomorrow.
The next message was from Snake
Meeting went good. Everyone's onboard, The Boss was pissed at Big Boss and Major Zero, but everyone's unified under the Smash anti-war umbrella now.
The frown became a smile, Mario quickly responded to the message.
No shit? Glad to hear it all went well.
Snake responded nearly as soon as he sent it, Yeah. "Way to Fall" by Starsailor even played on the way over. Think it was a sign.
Mario nodded, agreeably at the message, rolling out of bed and heading to his closet. So many royal galas in a lifetime meant that Mario could probably win a speed contest at getting into a suit. Peach had demanded it, so the white suit, red bow tie, and white top hat it was. Running a pic through his mustache, he headed downstairs. Standing at the bottom was Peach, in a strapless pink ballgown that seemed to glitter in the light.
"Wow Mario," she pined, "My instincts were right. You do look dapper tonight."
"And you, my dear-a," purred Mario, skipping down the stairs, "Look like a billion coins."
The two embraced at the end of Mario's journey down the regal staircase.
"Thank you, dear," she nodded, "I haven't worn this dress since the Mario All-Stars premiere, but I figured now was the time to break it out, considering my most recent win."
Mario nodded back, the hug breaking so he could take her hand in his, "Yeah, totally! So, shall we?"
The two began to walk out the mansion's door when ROB appeared out of a portal.
"Master Mario, I do not mean to interrupt," was the robot's dry decree, "But I feel it best we debrief on several things that happened tonight."
The plumber bit his lip, quelling the righteous, furious anger he felt.
"I don't suppose you'll stop bugging me about it until I do?"
"Affirmative,"
His eyes narrowed. Was that a bit of sass he heard in ROB's voice?
"You don't mind joining me, do you, hun?" Mario turned to Peach, "Might need your input on some of this-a."
Peach shrugged, "I don't see why not."
Humans and robots alike maneuvered through the portal, the Core Machine Room now where all of them stood.
"How would you like me to organize what was found? Time? Location?"
Mario and Peach exchanged a glance, "How about time ROB? Just in case some-a things overlap-a."
"Affirmative."
As a map of Smash City, a city divided into 250 subsectors appeared on the screen in front of them, ROB whirred. Mario sighed. This was going to be a long one.
"Beginning with the planned procedurals. "Coffee with Cait" with special guests Jigglypuff, Zelda, Olimar, Wii Fit Trainer, and Erdrick went on without incident, though how flirty Zelda and Erdrick got is worth noting."
Mario nodded, beckoning him to continue
"As you know, the first round of the tournament ended at 17:30. At 17:31 Master Chief executed a dance routine for Smashers who chose to stay at the Mansion per having lost a bet with Cortana
The screen flared to life, Master Chief shuffled his feet and clapped to a funky beat, finally crossing his arms.
"It was at this point I complimented Cortana's systemic navigating and she complimented my ability to manage all the systems of the Mansion. I…felt things I was unaware I was able to feel. A self-diagnostic is required, followed by a possible repair."
"Awww," Peach cooed, "No ROB, that's a crush."
"A…crush?" a beat of confusion broke the robot's usual monotone.
"It's what happens when humans meet each other and feel romantic attraction-a," Mario explained.
"Ah," ROB nodded, "My emotional vector is something I am learning to navigate day by day."
"Aren't we all?" Mario's sympathetic question was followed by a nod."
"Hearing that from you brings me to ease Master Mario,"
Uncharacteristically, ROB shook his head, as if clearing cobwebs.
"If I may continue with the report. At 17:35 Ryu, Chun-Li, and the other Street Fighter contingent departed for Burger Time Karaoke.
A dot on the "Street Fighter" section of Smash City blinked red, zooming in to video footage of Ken and Chun-Li, both holding microphones inexplicably having donned cowboy hats, while Ryu and an old man in a purple robe stood awkwardly behind them.
"Started out this morning feeling so polite, I always thought a fish could not be caught if it didn't bite…" Chun-Li and Ken sang.
"Who's the old man?" Mario asked.
"That would be Chun-Li's sensei, Gen. We were able to find a dimension in which he had not passed on yet."
"Wonderful!" cheered Peach.
"You should also know that they have not left the bar since," ROB informed them.
"Oh dear," Mario shuddered, "What else?"
"At the same time, Peppy summoned Krystal to the Trophy hotel suite rented to the non-Smash participants of Star Fox, Star Wolf, and the former Kursed Klaws to apologize to the people she injured during her recruitment."
The location of the Trophy Hotel, the very center of the finely divided city, lit up on the mat, zooming into some security camera footage.
"Fox, my boy," began Peppy's pre-recorded voice, "I hope you've learned your lesson. You never fuck with a mercenary's money."
"What? But I..." Fox's voice cracked.
"You have always had the privilege of working among friends. If you had pulled such foolishness in any other band, they would've killed you and been in the right."
The footage jump cut. Now Peppy's was affixed on Krystal.
"As for you young lady. Our business is concluded. Fox, there's no need to pine after this piece of trash. You're a fine young man. Move on, find a different girl."
Krystal bit her lip. Both Mario and Peach noticed her fighting tears. Another jump cut, Krystal and Fox stood glaring at each other.
"Fox, you idiot, this was your fault when you kicked me off the team to…"
"Protect you? Listen," snarled Fox, "I thought I lost my father to this business, I'll be damned if I was gonna lose you too."
"You can't shield everyone from trouble," Krystal snapped, "And yet, you would probably take a laser bolt for me, a warrior, who's more than capable of taking one herself."
"Creator forbid I take a bolt for someone else for no other motive than it's the right thing to do?"
This seemed to flummox Krystal, who teleported out of the room. The footage ended with Leon, crawling on all fours and sniffing where she had stood, announcing, "The floor is salty. She was crying."
As the footage paused, Peach spoke up, "Well, at least she's thinking about being altruistic. That's better than I can say for some of the villains."
Mario nodded. ROB whirred again.
"At 18:00 Sans, Quinn, and Altair went first to the Smash City epicenter to watch the Smash City history video, and then went to the Grillby's location in the "Undertale" section."
A small, southeastern quadrant was highlighted. Sans laughed and joked with Toriel, while Quinn ate his burger, happily answering a barrage of martial arts questions from Undyne and Alphys, while Altair stared at the hamburger in front of him in disgust.
"Glad to see Quinn opening up. I was honestly worried about how he'd fit in, what with Hart's reputation to carry and whatnot," giggled Peach.
"Mm-hm!" Mario nodded, "I think bunking him with Sans was the best accident that's ever happened to the kid-a, and somehow I think that 'blooming wallflower' act is rubbing off on Rosalina,"
"That said," ROB interrupted, "As Quinn arrived home, Rosalina invited Quinn to watch a movie in her room later on tonight."
"Called it!" shouted Mario, snapping his fingers.
"Speaking of socialization. Meta-Knight was knighted into the Order of Askr at approximately 18:05. Late attendees were Corrin and Terry, who we will speak of later."
"That's foreboding," Peach said through gritted teeth.
"Indeed," ROB gave a pained, grinding nod, "Additionally, Doc Louis, Little Mac, and his wife Alice arrived as primary guests at the Nintendo Fun Club in the Punch-Out section of the city and only returned a few minutes ago."
"This was at 18:00 as well?" Mario clarified.
"Correct," barked ROB, "Additionally, the Snake and Isabelle meeting with the contingent of The Boss took place at that same time, which I believe you were texted about."
Mario and Peach raised simultaneous worried eyebrows.
"You can read my..." Mario began.
"Irrelevant," ROB snapped, "Shall I continue with my report?"
Both nodded.
"Isabelle and Snake did not return to the Smash Mansion until 18:35. Isabelle was then taken on a date by Sonic. Initially, they went to Central City Arcade in the Mobius section of the city,"
One of the most expansive sectors on the city's northern rim was highlighted.
"It was here Sonic interrupted a Super Smash Brothers Melee video game tournament as well as a United States versus Korea Starcraft tournament using his super speed. However, authorities were not called because Sonic is a minority owner."
Mario rolled his eyes, "And I doubt Isabelle was impressed."
"Shockingly, the date does not end there. Per Isabelle's request, the two went to Blathers' museum, which is where the first of many confrontations.
"Oh Stars, lay it on me," groaned Mario.
The city's western-most coast was highlighted, zooming in to a new scene, Isabelle and Sonic speaking with the argyle-feathered owl, and a tall Hylian.
"Who is that?" Peach asked, pointing at the screen.
"That would be Purah, a woman who Link met during the Great Calamity."
Upon observing the two holding hands, Peach's eyes went wide, her face flushing white
"Oh…oh my,"
"What's wrong babe?" Mario asked.
"Villager owes me 20 bells!" she shouted triumphantly, "During the last tournament, he said that that Blathers would never find a date, and I told him that that was cruel to say about a friend…"
"…And he put money on it," Mario finished.
"Precisely," Peach declared.
"That guy's impossible to read," Mario grumbled, "Glad handing politician one moment and devious insulter of his friends the next."
"I wholeheartedly agree!" Peach nodded vigorously.
"If I could continue with my report please," ROB snapped, "They were interrupted by Harv's commune, which includes Crazy Redd, Kicks, the Llamas, Tortimer, Leif, Harriet, Katrina, and Saharah,"
"All good eggs except for that damn kitsune," Peach hissed, "Why are they with him?"
"According to what was gleaned from that conversation, they are working with Tom Nook to fund some sort of deserted island population package."
Mario sighed, Peach shooting him a worried look.
"I hate to-a say it, but place surveillance on all of them. I have a feeling that the same dimensional travel that allows Tom to profit off of different variants of villages at once is of interest to Conker, whether that means Tom is a willing participant or his technology is just being siphoned by Redd."
Peach bit her lip, "While I do applaud your strategy, be aware that Nook Inc is one of our biggest sponsors..."
"Only because the CEO of Casino Planet from Falcon's universe hasn't been buttered up enough," Mario proclaimed, "Besides, I'd rather deal with that soulless bastard than deal with Nook, especially if Nook is working with the enemy."
Peach nodded, looking determined, "Good."
"Sorry ROB, continue with your report," Mario beckoned onward.
"This concerns a somewhat pressing matter," began ROB, "At 19:00, Luigi and Daisy departed for Tapper's bar. It was there, they met with Cloud and his entourage."
Sure enough, a bar in one of the smaller districts on the map was highlighted. Luigi and Daisy sat behind a partition with the AVALANCHE crew.
"Awww, look at them!" swooned Peach, "That blue dress looks incredible on Tifa. And Cloud matched his ensemble!"
"Yeah," Mario nodded, "That black sweater vest over a blue dress shirt isn't what I'd go for myself, but he looks good in it. And since when did Daisy own a dress like that?" he asked, gesturing to the screen as Daisy laughed with Tifa and Aerith.
"She went on a shopping spree to celebrate her initiation into Smash, and that was a little number she ran by me. I think she looks stunning and should wear dresses more often."
"You've always said-a that though," Mario smirked, his tone somewhere between joking and serious.
"And then you threatened to smash his balls?" The on-screen Daisy hooted.
"Yeah," admitted a blushing Aerith, "It was one of my finer bits of improv."
"Where was that when he fuckin' captured me," slurred Yuffie, to the giggles of some of the others in the footage.
"My word," Peach's voice seemed to shiver, "What a rowdy group."
"Yes well," ROB interrupted, "The pressing matter is set to begin."
First Tapper appeared, saying something so silently that the cameras didn't pick it up. Barrett, an imposing, prideful figure, seemed to sink in his seat, while Cid, the drunken pilot, immediately began to throw gill at the man. Tapper's mustachioed frame bore the same surprise on his entrance as it did in his quick exit. At that moment, Sora and Donald popped into the booth, speaking happily to some of Cloud's crew.
"I think-a you're being a bit overdramatic ROB. He's a spunky kid according to Mickey, and…"
As if by providence, Goofy's booming slurs echoed over the video, "Hey baby, you look just like my son's ex."
Mario swore to the Seven Stars above that the slap that resulted had blown out the big screen's speakers. Mario covered his mouth to hide the grin he bore at Peach's own wince. Notorious for her heavy open-handed slap, for Peach to withdraw at a slap meant the slap must've been titanic.
Awkward, quick conversation between Sora and Tifa barely got off the ground when Donald scuttled out of the booth, presumably to retrieve Goofy.
"As Sora is a special guest he should be contained to Smashcraft KH indefinitely," ROB demanded.
"As you saw during the tournament," Mario growled, equally stern, "He found a way off of Smashcraft KH and into Smash Stadium. Then, he evaded your sentries for how long? Detainment would only make it worse-a."
ROB's gears whirred. Mario felt his skin crawl. Had he pissed him off?
"Affirmative," was the robot's stony reply.
Once again, ROB stood still, that all too familiar whir echoing around the room, no doubt pulling the reports back up.
"At 19:00, Terry and Corrin departed for Anna's Meed bar, missing Meta-Knight's knighting and most of the festivities. For our purposes, Marth took care of recording what was discovered at the meeting."
"And that was…?" Peach trailed off intentionally.
"That there have been some defections in the Askr Order. Hel, the queen of the dead, and an immortal evil hero summoner named Eitri."
Mario rolled his eyes, "An infinite army? Shouldn't have expected any less from Conker. But, we have our aces in the hole."
Slowly, mechanically, ROB nodded, "That we do. Smashcraft R's conditions are good."
Mario nodded,
"It was then that…we discovered a Smash Core anomaly…from the Rare Archipelago."
Mario slapped the arm of the chair in which he sat, "So nothing new."
"No, except that it affects a guest on the island. Terry and Corrin drove to the Rare Archipelago almost immediately after arriving at Anna's Meed Bar, to attend the Rare Replay stage show, which was in part attended by James Bond."
"What? Are you saying James was warped into Smash City via Conker screwing with the Smash Core?"
"He's trying to compile all the elements of the Archipelago, the ones lost in the dimensional rifts," Peach offered to Mario's decree.
"Yes, that's what Diddy was able to confirm."
"Diddy? I didn't authorize-a Diddy to do anything…"
The screen flared to life once again, with a timestamp of 20:20 showing a red dot aiming itself at Conker's delegates, who bolted down an alleyway as a result. The sentry controlling the camera shifted to the path of the dot, James Bond himself crouched on a nearby building, holding a simple laser pointer.
"So he appears to be roped into whatever dumb bullshit…"
Mario was cut off mid-sentence when Krunch appeared out of a side door, blocking Timber Tiptup, Bumper, Pipsi, TT, and Drumstick in the alley. Banjo and Kazooie then appeared on the roof of the building.
"K. Rool that son of a bitch," cursed the man in the red hat.
"Yes, Kremling involvement certainly leaves him with the smoking gun…"
"Diddy, Banjo, why won't you join us?" bemoaned Tiptup the turtle.
"Because Conker went insane at some point during the Panther King coup," Diddy shot back, "Why can't you see that?"
"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe we do? I mean, he got me out of prison," Bumper ranted, snarling, "Where were you when that happened to me huh?"
"More importantly," growled Timber, "Where were you when Tiger Island got cast into limbo. I thought you were cool Diddy like if you ever took things over you'd unify the Archipelago, not too busy playing sports with those high horse Mushroom Kingdom types, but you're no different than Donkey and Cranky. Hell, you bailed the bear and bird out, but not us."
"Look man," pleaded Tiptup, "We've all done some regrettable crap, and we all have room to improve how we conduct ourselves. Banjo, Diddy, if you side with us all will be forgiven."
"Hey, we only just got put back where we should be, this whole thing is a work in progress."
"Yeah bozo!" snapped Kazooie, "Plus, you'd better stop treating me like a spare prick at the wedding anyway."
"Banjo was a better man without a bitch telling him what to do," snapped Timber.
Simultaneously Pipsi and Tiptup held up their hands to silence the tiger.
"TT, you got the time?" Pipsi squeaked.
"20:20 Smash time," happily barked the sentient clock.
"Let's go," Pipsi ordered
With that, the Red Squirrel Kingdom delegates stepped through a portal, the silent Drumstick flipping Kazooie a wing as the portal closed behind him.
Mario sighed, "ROB. Watch them, and Diddy too."
Peach raised an eyebrow, "You don't think..."
"No, but if we do, we've had it coming. That said, we don't need to tip off DK or Cranky, we've worked too long and too hard to mend bridges with the Archipelago. All we can do is hope Diddy, Banjo, and Kazooie make the right decision."
Somberly, Peach nodded.
"The proper surveillance will be put into place Master Mario," ROB nodded More recently, we've had to send two fleets of sentries to separate locations in the last hour. One two the Castlevania section of the city to break up a fight between Simon and Ritcher. Pit, Palutena, and Megaman in breaking this up. Another fleet was sent to Little Redgrave. A fight between a Toad and a Waddle Dee had to be broken up. Chrom and Lucina were present, while Dante escaped by shooting out a window to prevent having to do paperwork."
"Wasn't there an issue at a Waffle House during the Brawl tournament, in the section of the city occupied by Snake's ilk?"
Mario nodded, "Yes-a, it's always a Waffle House. At least Little Redgrave has some amazing gumbo, from what my research indicates."
"At 22:00, the Wario Family Wah-ffice left for King Dice's casino, and, per King Dice's insistence, there is to be no surveillance. That said, an hour later Goro Akechi left the establishment, meeting the Phantom Thieves at Le Blanc, at which point I am afraid the sentry trailing him was disabled via Futaba."
"It shouldn't surprise me that the Wah-ffice is up to shady stuff, nor should it surprise me that The Phantom Thieves are willing to help a friend out, despite their histories. I have faith in the kids to play it smart, they've navigated such things before."
Peach nodded in agreement at Mario's conclusion.
Is that all ROB dear?"
"Yes. Please enjoy your night," ROB droned.
"You ain't gotta tell me twice! Shall we get going?" Mario asked, once again offering Peach his arm as he stood.
Peach got to her feet in one swift motion, taking it. Mario typed in a code into his wristwatch, and immediately, the wind began to filter through as the portal opened. They stepped through and found themselves on the roof of the Trophy Hotel. Before taking a seat at the clothed table that sat in the center of the helicopter pad, the two marveled at the cityscape before them. Buildings of all kinds, from modern skyscrapers to stone spires jutted out in the sky, with everything from neon to street lights to torches glowing below.
"It's beautiful," Peach breathed, "Master Hand would be very proud of you."
She strode over, pouring herself a glass of champagne. As Mario took his seat, a Wire Frame appeared, holding two silver platers containing an expensive-looking cut of steak, a meager helping of potatoes pushed to the side. Putting one in front of each of them, Mario began to cut his steak. So entranced was he in his dinner that he didn't notice Peach looking concernedly at him.
"Dear, what's wrong?" she cooed.
Mario felt the tears well up. Choking them back, he snorted.
"Do you-a think I'm doing the right thing? This non-aggression stuff? I mean, we-a know the Wario Family Wa-ffice is planning something…"
"Mario," Peach spoke, her voice suddenly stern, "Defense is all we can do. We know Conker is using the Smash Core and will use it against us soon enough, but we don't know where in the multiverse it is. To attack now would be an expenditure of resources we will need when Conker finally starts to attack."
Mario nodded, once again blinking back tears, "Okay."
Peach cut into her dinner, eating the first bite of steak, Mario did the same, pecking at the potatoes with his fork.
"But I must ask, what was that you mentioned about the Thieves?" Peach spoke up again.
"Were you not there for when Shulk-a found the website?"
Peach shook her head, mid-bite of steak.
"Well, he went down the rabbit hole, and found that most of The Thieves' missions incurred deadlines, but not so strict that they could not prepare. I figure that the end of the tournament will be the deadline, so whatever nonsense they're going to undo with King Dice will likely be near the end of the tournament."
"And you're not going to…direct that? Encourage them?"
"I don't have to," Mario countered, "I trust them implicitly. They have the most relevant experience to this, to be completely honest."
Peach nodded, "If you trust them, I trust them,"
Mario winced mid-bite. Peach's voice had broken.
"Are you…?" Mario began.
"I'm sorry to bring up work, or to question your judgment my darling. This is all as new to me as it is to you."
"But I learn something from watching you be diplomatic. I'm still gonna."
A warm grin made the boss of the Smasher's whole body feel warm, the two eating the remainder of their dinner in silence.
Smash Mansion
Bedroom suites hallway
00:30
Tiptoeing down the hall, Quinn recognized the glowing undercurrent, knocking at Rosalina's door. Immediately, the door opened. A waft of freshly buttered popcorn hit his nose as he stared upon Rosalina, dressed in an oversized "Mario Kart, Special Cup 2007," t-shirt, the golden crown on the white shirt faded with age. Striped white and blue pajama pants paired with bunny slippers made Rosalina look like the epitome of comfort.
And beauty too, he thought
Suddenly, his arm hair stood on end. How long had he been staring?
"Oh, um, hi," stammered Quinn.
"Hello Quinn," sang Rosalina.
Quinn observed the smallest of grins on Rosalina's face. Had she noticed too?
"So, you got the movie ready to go?"
"Yes!" Rosalina squealed.
Hours later
Man, I'm gonna have to look into this genre of movie more. 1980s? Is that what she called it?
Indeed, The Karate Kid, the movie Rosalina had rented from the Mansion library, had been a perfect romp. Loveable good guys, hateable bad guys, and the young hero overcoming the odds at the end. The Lumas had even sung along in their own garbled way to the music that played during the big montage.
His adrenaline cooled. He felt something on his arm. Something…heavy?
Glancing to his right, Quinn saw Rosalina's head nestled onto his shoulder, snoring softly.
His heart pounding out of his chest, he quickly found a throw pillow, placing it in between his shoulder and Rosalina's head as he could, gingerly letting her down, her head now placed softly on the couch, head warmly rested on the throw pillow. Quinn's eyes immediately began to dart around for a blanket, but two Lumas who were still awake spread one over her.
"Go to bed guys," Quinn whispered.
The two Lumas nodded, curling into formation with the rest of the Lumas, who laid upon the ceiling, majestically spread out as far as their tiny nubs would allow. Quinn pondered Rosalina's sleeping form for a few seconds that felt like an eternity. Finally, after an imagined lifetime of deliberation, he knew what he must do.
Two loving pats on the head.
Slowly rising from the couch and tiptoeing out of the room, he shut the door behind him. A wide smile on his face, he skipped merrily down the hallway. He would try to sleep tonight, but not even Miyagi mysticism could put him there.
"
(AN: Hey guys, Odyssey here. So, for the last month I'd been working on a 20k+ chapter that actually had the scenes here play out in detail, but I accidentally wiped my C-Drive, losing everything, and as I have some life events coming up, I wanted to get this out before that. So, while not my best work, we're back on track for the next chapter and that's what's most important)