Chapter 43 – Hermione – Happy New Year

Thursday 31st December - Waning Gibbous

The next four days passed in a blur of laughter, happiness and plenty of kissing. Hermione was completely besotted and kept shaking her head incredulously when she remembered that this was real. They had agreed that she would stay for New Year before she went home to see her parents for a week and then headed back to school for the start of term. They promised they would write to each other as much as possible, and Remus agreed (begrudgingly) to her plan to keep trying to steal enough ingredients from Snape's potion supply to send him a steady supply of Wolfsbane. They also planned to meet secretly during each of the two Hogsmeade trips this term, and she just kept on telling herself that Easter wasn't too far away. In reality she was just trying not to think about it.

That evening they saw in the New Year in high spirits, and sat on the beach awaiting the countdown to midnight. Hermione thought about how different this coming year was going to be from the last one. She glanced across at Remus who caught her gaze and smiled. It wouldn't always be easy, but it was definitely going to be worth it, she thought.

He glanced at his watch, 'Thirty seconds!'

He quickly topped up their champagne glasses and handed her one.

They then counted down together,

'Five, four, three, two, one – Happy New Year!' They clinked their glasses together in cheers and took a sip. Just then a firework display began in the distance, casting reflections over the sea. Hermione gazed at the beautiful colours, transfixed until she heard Remus clear his throat. She looked back to see that he had transfigured a mistletoe branch which floated above his head, and he wore a cheeky expression on his face. Hermione giggled and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

'And what a year it's going to be,' he murmured, pulling her into a cuddle. As they sat huddled together watching the fireworks, his body heat keeping her warm, she wished she could freeze this moment in time forever.

Eventually the firework display stopped and the night became dark and still once more. Hermione could scarcely keep her eyes open and decided it was time to retire to bed. They wandered back to the cottage and he bade her goodnight at her bedroom door as he had every night. Yet tonight she felt an expectance in the air and she almost said something, but her nerves betrayed her and he had turned away before she found the courage, leaving her alone in the doorway.

She sighed and closed the door before getting changed into her pyjamas. Things were certainly much better now that Remus had finally let his true feelings out, but Hermione still found the entire situation incredibly unfamiliar, and in truth a little bit terrifying. Partly she still feared that he would suddenly change his mind. He wasn't very well practiced at talking about feelings or wants, and Hermione sometimes couldn't help but worry that what was going through his head was different to what he was letting on. She just had to trust that he was being honest with her, and most of the time she managed to. But she also worried about his… expectations. She had never been in a relationship-

Relationship?

She considered the word for a moment. They had still never defined what this situation was, but after their conversation on Sunday there was an obvious shift into one of a definite romantic relationship, certainly if the quantity of kissing and touching was anything to go by. But the term relationship felt premature, and was accompanied by an implication of commitment. Perhaps the term didn't matter. In any case, this was new territory. The only other person she had ever dated was Justin, and that was only for a few weeks. And the most they had ever done was hold hands in the corridor and kiss shyly, embarrassed if other people were around. Hardly a wealth of experience to draw upon. What if she was a bad kisser? And what if- she felt her stomach flutter nervously- he wants to do more?

This was her true fear that had crossed her mind several times over the last few days, and was now beginning to make its presence in her mind more and more known with each day that passed. She hadn't decided how she felt about it. Naturally her mind often got ahead of itself when they were kissing, and she could feel an urge to go further, but she was cautioned by a small voice which wondered if it was better to take things slow, especially considering the complicated nature of their situation. Her hormones however wanted to ignore that voice and just rip all of his clothes off, but was, she reminded herself, still a sensible girl at her core. Or so she thought.

A knock on the door made her heart flutter once more.

'One moment,' she called out, crossing to open the door. Remus stood in the doorway exactly as he had not 5 minutes before.

'Hey,' he said.

'Hey,' she replied.

'I'm sorry… I feel as though I should have asked… do you want to share my bed tonight?' he asked hesitantly. 'Of course it's fine if…'

Her stomach did a somersault and she was already nodding before she realised she had wanted to. His face broke into a smile and he pulled her into his arms, his lips finding hers once more. He laced his fingers with hers and led her up to his room.

Her mind raced. Maybe this was all too fast. And what did he mean by sharing a bed?

He led her into the room and closed the door. It felt eerily quiet and she felt a nervousness prickling at the edge of her mind.

He sat down on the bed and pulled her to him. She followed his lead and climbed onto his lap, wrapping her legs around him. He smiled at this new development and kissed her lips. The kiss was soft, emotional, patient, as if they had all the time in the world to explore this feeling together. He broke it off and rested his forehead against hers. She opened her eyes and looked into his, noticing how large his pupils were.

'You make me very happy,' he said honestly.

Her heart fluttered and she felt hot under his intense gaze.

'You too,' she replied sincerely and dropped her eyes to the front of his shirt. She was aware of his eyes on her as she slowly began to undo the buttons, her hands shaking slightly as she gradually revealed more of his exposed skin. She felt a thrilling mix of nerves, intrigue and adrenaline.

'You're nervous,' he said softly. It wasn't a question. She glanced back at him and saw he wore a face of concern. Warm hands met hers and took hold of them.

'I just want you to know there's no pressure. For anything at all.'

She really did wonder if he could read her mind. Or perhaps her face betrayed all her thoughts. She looked at him, uncertain.

'Look…' he continued, 'I don't know where your mind is at… I mean perhaps I'm getting completely ahead of myself and going to sound like a presumptuous moron… but even so I it's worth clarifying that I am no rush to do anything… sexual.'

Even just hearing him say the word made her heart rate quicken. Even the notion that that could be a realistic possibility. She wondered again how she had gotten to this situation. To be here, alone, on a bed, with him. She also wondered if he could hear her heart racing because she could have sworn his eyes flickered to her chest at that very moment.

'Just in case you were worried about that… I don't want you to worry...' he finished.

Finally he let out a nervous chuckle, and she realised she hadn't said a word of response.

'Okay,' she said quietly, and leaned forward and kissed him. He ran his fingers gently through her hair and smiled against her lips. Her hands made their way back to the shirt buttons, until it was hanging completely open revealing his wonderful torso. She had seen it before and so the scars were not a shock to her, but she had never been able to look so intimately at them before. Jagged, raised lines criss-crossed all over his body, and they seemed to shimmer a faint silver when the moonlight hit them. The latest addition had already faded to a puffy pink where it had been angry and red not three days prior.

'Can I….' she motioned to touch them.

'Of course,' he was watching her intently with a hard to read expression, his head cocked to one side.

Gently she reached out and traced the lines of his scars with her fingers, mesmerised. He shivered at her touch and she stopped.

'They don't hurt do they?'

He shook his head. 'Not once they've healed, no. They just sort of… tingle when you touch them.'

She resumed her tracing.

'Mine tingle sometimes too. The first time we kissed, actually.'

'Really?'

'Mmhmm.'

He leaned forward and kissed her

'How about that?'

She smiled, 'Hm, not really, no.'

He kissed her again

'What about now?'

She giggled, 'No.'

He reached his hand around her and gently lifted the back of her shirt, his fingers finding the base of the long, jagged scar on her back. She shuddered.

'Wow… that tingles a LOT.'

He leaned forward and brushed his lips gently against the scar on her neck and she gasped, a feeling like electricity shooting through her. Then he kissed her neck and she let out an involuntary moan.

Remus stopped and looked at her, and she looked away, embarrassed.

'Please don't turn that beautiful face away from me,' he said softly and she looked back, feeling her cheeks burning. He gently stroked her cheek with his thumb.

'Let's go to bed,' he said softly. 'I'm beyond tired.'

She nodded and rolled off his lap before climbing under the duvet. He shrugged off his shirt and removed his trousers before joining her. She nestled into the warmth of his chest and closed her eyes, but the image of his body framed in the moonlight and his mouth upon her neck kept her awake for an agonisingly long time.

Friday 1st January - Half Moon

Hermione woke up first the next morning, and once again took a moment to convince herself that this was real. Remus lay bedside her, his arm resting warmly on top of the blankets across her waist. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. The worry and stress of life gone from his face, and even his scars looked less severe. He looked younger. He looked content. She couldn't help herself. She leaned forward and kissed him softly, the feeling of his lips sending a shiver through her body as it had so many times before. She still couldn't believe she'd kissed him. Her teacher.

Ex-teacher. She reminded herself.

It felt wrong when she thought about it that way. But when she thought about him just as Remus; Remus who liked books and jokes, and who saw the good in everyone, and was kind and patient. Then it just felt, right.

'Morning sleepy,' she cooed softly and kissed him again. This time she felt him kiss her back gently as he began to stir.

'Morning,' he mumbled, not opening his eyes, but continuing to kiss her back with increasing intensity. The arm around her waist then awoke, pulling her closer to him until their bodies were touching. She smiled against his lips.

'Sorry for waking you,' she murmured.

'Yeah, you should be. I was having a lovely dream.' He said sleepily, still refusing to open his eyes.

'What about?' she said playfully.

'I was dreaming that I was kissing the most amazing girl in the world.'

'Oh yeah?'

'Mm-hmm. And now I'm awake I'm sad because there's no way she could be real.'

She giggled and he opened his eyes, and smiled at the sight of her.

'Wow,' he breathed.

'What?'

'Just… you. I'm in awe of you,' he said, reaching his hand up to cup her face and brush her cheek with his thumb.

She blushed under his gaze.

He slowly leaned in and kissed the pinkness of her exposed cheek.

'Beautiful,' he murmured, then rested his forehead against hers, exploring this new sensation together. She kissed him once more with a sense of desperation, as though she couldn't get enough of him. He returned the kiss and his hand roamed in lazy patterns down her back. She ran her hands through his hair and pressed herself impossibly closer to him, and in a moment of lust ran her tongue probingly against his lips. He complied, and parted them, allowing their tongues to meet for the first time. Fireworks exploded in her mind at this new sensation and she twisted her hands in his hair. She felt her heart beating faster as clumsy fingers learned the unfamiliar landscape of one another's bodies. Craving more she boldly reached for his trailing hand and guided it up to her left breast. It complied, proceeding a gently caress through her pyjama top. She gasped at the sensation, and let out an involuntary soft moan. The sound seemed only to spur him on, and he let out of soft growl and began to kiss her with more passion and desperation, biting at her lip and massaging her breast more intently. She was getting breathless. It felt amazing. She needed him to touch her everywhere.

Suddenly he broke off the kiss, breathing heavily and his hand dropped back to her side. She swallowed, sad for the stop in proceedings.

'Hermione,' his voice sounded strained, 'You're driving me wild, and I need to stop now otherwise I'm worried I'll lose control.'

But the oxytocin was pumping through her brain and she needed more. 'I don't mind, I want it,' she said breathlessly.

'No, Hermione, it's not a good idea.'

She tried to kiss him again, but he pulled his chin away.

'Hermione… I swear I want you so badly… but right now I just need to take it slow. I can feel Moony taking over… and as much as right now I want to do wild, passionate, unspeakable things to you,' he swallowed hard, eyeing her with undisguised longing, 'I want to do so on my own terms, not his. Do you understand?'

'I don't care…' she said recklessly, 'he's a part of you and I want all of you right now…' she ran a hand down his chest, reaching lower and lower until…

'Hermione, stop,' his voice was firm, but the hand that grabbed hers was gentle.

She stopped.

'Thank you.'

He cupped her cheek with his hand. 'I promise it's not about you. I'll never tell you what you should or shouldn't want. This is for me. I want to experience you… everything we do together… I want to be me. I don't want Moony taking over and making me do something I regret…' he added sadly.

He leant his forehead on hers once more and closed his eyes.

'I want to kiss you all day every day… but I need to take it slow and controlled. I hope you can understand.'

'I understand,' she murmured.