Chapter 57 Rehabilitation of Black (5.800)
But it only took a few days for Severus to lean against me angrily, struggling for composure. A strong fire crackled in the fireplace in front of us, whose flames beat high and charred the walls slightly to fight against the cold winter night and at the same time was a symbol of the anger of Severus that boiled up in him.
"This Potter was actually hanging around Hogsmeade without permission for some chocolate frogs and other stuff from Zonko's, while we all have the Dementors on our necks because of him. He's just like his father," he explained his miserable mood in a voice dripping with disgust.
"He's still a child. Children don't always act in the way we ask them to do, Severus," I tried to defend Harry, even wondering what kind of recklessness was stuck in that head. But was it really only James who broke through or the vein that Lily had always hidden from Severus and that drove her into the Forbidden Forest with Hagrid at night. A curiosity for adventure that she was only too eager to satisfy and that undoubtedly stood for the choice of the Sorting Hat to send her to Gryffindor.
Severus breathed in the air between his teeth, whistling. I felt his anger at Harry's ill-considered actions, it was so palpable that it scared me. Not about Harry, but about Severus himself.
"You may be right. But he must slowly understand the seriousness! And besides, I don't understand how Dumbledore could tell him about his father as a hero who once saved me from death. That's not even half the story! If Potter Sr. and Black hadn't driven me into the hands of a werewolf, no one would have had to save me. Black knowingly risked my death when he let me go to Lupin during the full moon," he said hatefully, his eyes widened with horror. I knew he had this scene in front of him. As Remus transformed into the Howling Hut, ready to attack Severus after Sirius gave him a tip.
"Dumbledore should have told him everything, maybe then he would have come up with the idea of staying at Hogwarts," I agreed with Severus. I didn't understand why the headmaster had even told Harry that Severus owed James something. Was he trying to reassure the boy that Severus was on the good side? Didn't he make things much worse?
"I don't think like logical thinking is one of Potter's strengths, like a lot of things aren't," Severus replied.
"Maybe Dumbledore just wanted to take away Harry's suspicion of you. I don't want him to know your real motives, do he?" I said thoughtfully, running a finger slowly over my lips instead of biting painfully into them.
"Yes, but glorify James Potter? Potter was an arrogant pig, lazy and full of nonsense in his head," Severus said, his eyes twinkling angrily at a spot on the old plank floor.
"You felt that way because he was just showing you that side. I was never a big friend of his either, but I just didn't find his youthful sins acceptable. And when he came in with Lily, he had developed good qualities," I tried to appease Severus a bit, although I knew it wouldn't help, because he had already gotten into this hatred that he had nurtured over all these years.
Severus took a deep breath. He didn't like it when I spoke positively about James, Sirius or Remus.
"Lily has always recognized things in people who have not seen them themselves. I will never forget how she described me as kind and smart. Qualities that I have never perceived in myself," I added, hoping to convince him more that there might be more good in Harry than Severus could perceive at the moment
"At least with you, she was right. What she saw in Potter, however, I will never understand," Severus grumbled sullenly.
"Well, it must have been enough for her at least for a wedding with him. But I know that she brought out the best in all people. Even with James," I reply with a slight grin to this imperturbable personality of Lily's to see the good in everyone.
"Bringing out the best in people," he thoughtfully repeated my words. "So do you, Catherine. The fact that you don't blame me for my dark past is a sign of great kindness," he replied softly, blushing a little that immediately made me soften.
"Oh Severus, it has nothing to do with kindness. I suffered enough then to be without you, I don't want to experience that again. Besides, you're mine now and that's all I need, that's all I ever wanted." When I smiled affectionately at him, he kissed me respectfully on the forehead while I closed my eyes to enjoy my happiness of really being with him.
"But I still don't understand how he managed to get to Hogsmeade unnoticed. In Potters mind, I saw a kind of map and a secret passage under the castle with a kind of slide. I then took out of his pockets an old parchment, which offended me by certain gentlemen named Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Do these names sound familiar to you? Lupin has passed them off as articles from Zonko's. But we all know it's something else, right?" Severus asked, while I had to swallow when he mentioned these names.
"Yes, it's their old nicknames from their school days. But I didn't see a map with them. Do you think they've mapped out the terrain with secret passages like the one to the whipping willow?" I asked thoughtfully.
"Apparently so," Severus replied, reaching for a strand of my hair to slip through his hand before wrapping it around a finger.
"It's dangerous if Harry knows and uses them. I know there are quite a few of them, but the guys never told us where they were. To be honest, I never asked her about it, because... well..." I began, unsure how to explain it, but Severus knew what I meant.
"You've never been a rule-breaker," he said with a small smile on his thin lips.
"Not if it could be avoided." I smiled broadly at him. "But where is this card now?"
"Lupin took it," Severus said, watching my expression closely. It amazed me that Remus took it without further explanation, but he must have had his reasons for doing so and I trusted my friend.
"Then he'll keep them safely. He's as worried about Harry as you and me. He wrote to me about his concern for the boy in his last letter," I replied, frowning.
"Yes, I saw that in his mind, otherwise I would have burned the card with my own hands. But I found something else in Lupin's mind. He is insecure about my person. He doesn't know what to think of me," Severus said, raising an eyebrow.
"What do you mean? Maybe he appreciates you now that you're brewing the wolfsbane for him. After all, you're not children anymore," I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"No, there was something else behind it, but I didn't have the time to figure it out before he took Potter with him. I don't know if our relationship at Hogwarts has really remained as secret as we would have liked," Severus said softly. "If he knows something, it's dangerous for us and him."
"Don't worry. He would certainly have spoken to me long ago if he suspected something," I said, but I could hear my uncertainty even in my voice.
"Good," Severus replied curtly, as if I knew what to do in this case.
"Do you think anyone else at Hogwarts has noticed? Albus or Minerva?", I asked quietly, Severus wrinkled his forehead thoughtfully.
"I don't rule out the possibility that Dumbledore suspected something when you were still at Hogwarts. Since your departure, however, he hasn't said a word about it. And our last performance has certainly helped to dispel further doubts," Severus concluded, and a finger wandered thoughtfully over his lips, which immediately made me want to feel them on me.
"You were so cold that I started to have doubts about our relationship myself," I said softly in a shaky voice, so that Severus' eyes rested on me for a while before answering me.
"You should know better." A wry smile crossed his pale face.
"Catherine, I was in a fever, I couldn't think clearly. I didn't recognize myself," Severus said as I dabbed his head wound with a essence that is supposed to lead to a quick healing process. While I was still applying it, his wound slowly closed. He had told me everything he could remember, from the encounter with Sirius in the Shrieking Shack, Remus who had apparently supported him, and the seemingly crazy story about Peter Pettigrew that was told to him before he himself was overwhelmed by the disarming spell that Harry, Ron and Hermione cast against Severus at the same time, so it was no wonder that he lay unconscious with a head wound. The Order of Merlin, which Fudge had promised him, along with an article in the Daily Prophet, which would say that Severus Snape was a hero - had captured Black and saved the famous Harry Potter. But none of this happened, because the inexplicable escape of Sirius Black had prevented all this. Even Dumbledore's declarations that Sirius Black was innocent, that Peter Pettigrew was the guilty traitor from the beginning, did not in the least appease Severus' anger and strong disappointment.
But I tried, of course, and I tried to hold back my fast-pounding heart at the thought of how wrong Remus and I had been thinking about Sirius all these years, it literally constricted my throat.
"How could you have kept reason? Sirius Black and Remus Lupin in the Shrieking Shack. You're told that Peter Pettigrew is alive. Although Peter as a traitor is not at all absurd for me. I've always found him to be an appendage of the three and not a true friend," I said thoughtfully and at the same time looked for a potion for his severe headache on my shelf and poured it into a cauldron under which the fire crackled. It was a blessing that I was able to keep my shaky hands under control. Severus, on the other hand, only made a loud hum.
"I know you're upset because you wanted the Order of Merlin so badly. But you just learned that Sirius was sitting innocently in Azkaban. It's good to know the truth, isn't it?" I ask after a while, as I poured the newly heated potion into a mug and handed it to Severus. But before he drank it, he looked me in the face with narrowed eyes.
I sighed and just took him in my arms and held him tightly against me. I felt how much all this gnawed at his nerves, he was shaken to the bottom of his heart by all that was happening.
"Did you know, Catherine?" asked Severus, softly and pressed.
"What did I know?" My mouth was dry, and I felt my heart start racing.
"Did you know they're Animagi? They talked in the Shack about Potter, Black and Pettigrew becoming Animagi for Lupin and sneaking out of the castle with him every month under the invisibility cloak, roaming around the grounds. Did you know all this?" His face was hardened and focused on me as I closed my eyes briefly to catch myself. That's exactly what I had feared, and yet I wasn't willing to admit to him that I hadn't told him everything. But I had no choice.
"Yes, I knew that," I whispered in a breaking voice. Severus's eyes widened in disbelief before narrowing again and glaring angrily at me.
"You've known all this school year that they're looking for Sirius Black because Potter is in danger, and don't you tell me that your great old friends can turn into animals?" he asked, more than a question, before he got up, angrily slammed the potion on the table for his headache and rushed to the window.
He pushed the curtain aside and was silent. His hands clenched into fists so that his knuckles protruded clearly, his jaws were clenched, and his lower jaw was pushed forward slightly. His anger seemed boundless, for he was on the verge of an explosion.
"It was a big mistake. I am sorry. I didn't think about it being important," I replied, trying to make my voice sound confident.
"I thought you were smarter," Severus barked, continuing to look out the window. I slowly stood up and approached him, gently placing my hand on his shoulder.
"Severus, don't blame me for this. I only know about it through Remus, and I swore to him not to entrust any of it to any soul. You know I keep my word and I knew Remus was responsible enough. If he had told Dumbledore, it would have mattered," I explained, but I knew it wouldn't calm him down.
"It was important! He used the secret passages. Black only managed to deceive us all as a disgusting, stinking Mutt," Severus murmured and slapped my hand off his shoulder as he slowly turned around. His eyes sparkled angrily, his voice was icy. He was right, I should have acted, because I had suspected that Remus would not be objective enough when it came to his old friend. But could I blame him?
"I know it was a mistake. I trusted Remus," I said softly, looking at the floorboards below us.
"And I trusted you," he whispered bitterly.
"Don't you do that anymore? Do you want to blame me? You know, Remus and you, you are both my family, you mean my life to me. Had I entrusted it to you, the only wise decision you would have made would have been to tell Dumbledore. That wouldn't have done Remus any favors," I said, feeling how upset I was inside.
Severus looked at me with a strange expression on his face and thought about my words for a moment, his face seemed expressionless, but his eyes burned with thoughts and emotions.
"I'm disappointed in you. I thought we'd tell each other everything. You know my burden with the task of protecting that brat Potter. And it would have been information that would have served us all and-"
"No! It would have exposed an innocent person to the kiss of the Dementors!"
"Innocent? Black has advised Lily and Potter to use the Rat as a secret keeper. Out of cowardice and stupidity! In addition, Black was capable of murder, as he proved when he was 14 years old. I almost died, Catherine. And you and Dumbledore continue to stand by him. You are on his side! He deserves the kiss of the Dementors," he barked loudly. His eyes showed a delusion that I have never seen in him before. He was beside himself with rage. I drew in a sharp breath and backed away a little from him. Not out of fear, but to give him and me some distance.
"No one deserves such a fate from Dementors! I understand that you are angry! Much injustice has been done to you. Dumbledore should have taught the boys more discipline back then. And I don't want to think about it if Sirius had really succeeded in killing the boy I love back then. In fact, he probably would have met a worse fate at the hands of me than would ever have been possible at the hands of the Dementors. But James did come to his senses! It all turned out well. You're really out of your right mind when it comes to Sirius, James and Remus," I replied just as angrily, the words gushing out of me.
I saw Severus breathing heavily, his nostrils inflated, his teeth bared.
"No, I don't seem to be in my right mind, you're right! And turned out well? What does that mean? Those who deserved punishment were even more distinguished by house points because they saved me. Such a great injustice! And you, you're defending these people too!" His eyes glared at me evilly. I suppressed my pain bout his blinding. Why did he think I wasn't on his side? But I couldn't oppose anything to him, except:
"Severus, I know you hate these three people more than anything else. But please, put your grudges aside and feel into your own heart. How do you feel about me? Is it more important than your hatred of Potter, Black, and Lupin? Or isn't it? Is it the past world you want to live in or our future together?"
He looked at me closely with narrowed eyes and I saw him quickly thinking about my words. It took quite a while, but his gaze suddenly softened again.
"No," he said softly, exhaling resignedly. I also took a deep breath and tried to get through to him again.
"Severus, please. Think about the good things that happened to you. You had Lily as a good friend and me. And maybe I should have told you back then. Maybe it would have dissuaded you from joining Voldemort. I should have told you how much you mean to me, I should have continued to be your friend even when we argued. I wasn't strong enough at the time. Please forgive me. But now, now I'm here. I hear you, I feel you, I'm with you," I said firmly and in a sure voice, putting my hand on his shoulder. But he shook his head painfully.
"No, don't blame yourself! It's my fault that I didn't realize it until so late, as... are my feelings for you." He kissed me deeply and I snuggled up to his body and we both tried to recapitulate the things that happened that night.
"What is Sirius going to do now?" I asked, my hand brushing over Severus' back.
"You mean after the escape, which was clearly helped by Potter and Dumbledore?"
"I'm glad he was able to escape Azkaban if he was innocent! Perhaps he can now also stand by Harry's side as a mentor for his godson. It's something I can't do," I explained my emotional state.
"You'd definitely be more suitable than Black. Potter is reckless enough, so a mentor like Black, even crazier and breakneck after his time in Azkaban, certainly doesn't help to mitigate it," Severus said, putting his face desperately in his hands. "I see black for the boy." And I didn't say that I wanted to be the godmother to Harry that Lily had seen in me, but I knew it would destroy both of us. It was a sacrifice that I made, but I had chosen this decision voluntarily and consciously, it was not something he would have forced me to do, and so it would have been wrong to mention it.
"I know Sirius has his flaws. But he won't endanger his best friend's son," I replied.
"Maybe," Severus said, not very believably, before the dawn quickly drove us apart, as Severus had to return to Hogwarts. He had to go to class in this condition and before that to have breakfast with the other teachers.
The next evening, he came to me with a guilty expression. I had already learned from Remus that he was about to pack his bags because Severus had accidentally slipped out my breakfast, that Remus was a werewolf.
Sighing, I confronted Severus.
"I know last night was unbearable for you. But does that make you happier now? That you took Remus the first well-paying job he had in our world?" I asked quietly.
"Shockingly, it doesn't help much," Severus replied, trying to look me straight in the eye. "But I wouldn't have endured another year of school with him."
"Yes, I know. But was that necessary? Now everyone knows about his condition. He will never be able to find a job again," I said, trying to hold back further accusations.
"Maybe I've gone a little too far."
"Maybe," I began, but I was interrupted by my owl Tiberius, who, squealing, delivered me a letter in Remus' straightforward handwriting.
Severus stared in disgust at the parchment, which I detached from the bird's foot.
"Don't you want to read what your great friend has to tell you?" Severus asked with a spiteful grin and a gloomy look. "I'm sure he writes good things about me."
"I doubt that Remus is making such accusations to you as I am right now. Because he sees himself as you look at him. With disgust. By the way, amazingly, it's the biggest thing you two have in common," I said with raised eyebrows and put the parchment on the table next to us, I didn't intend to read it yet, because I guessed what kind of content it was, and at that moment I remembered something that I had wanted to ask Severus for a long time.
"What do you mean?" asked Severus in a strange voice, as if any comparison with Remus frightened him.
"You both hate yourselves for who you are. A werewolf and a former Death Eater," I explained, seemingly casually, as Severus drew in his breath sharply. "And I have the feeling that neither my love for you nor my friendship for him has any mitigation with this." Severus blinked a few times and looked at my sad expression, which brought with it my resignation at the rejection of her own person.
"No. You are the only person who knows me perfectly and yet wants to go through all this with me. I appreciate you deeply for that," Severus said, looking me in the eye.
"But it doesn't change your assessment of yourself," I said with a sigh and looked down. Severus put his hand to my chin and lifted it so that we could look each other in the eye again.
"Maybe it will when this is all over. When the Dark Lord is gone forever and this damn boy, whom I constantly have to keep out of danger, has managed to survive. Again. And until then, I'll show you what I didn't think was possible until you got back to Hogwarts," he said softly, but he smiled slightly.
"What do you mean?" I asked, irritated.
"I'll show you on the upper floor," he whispered on the skin on the back of my neck, causing a sensation that I would have liked to give in to immediately.
"Before that, I have a question about a Black other than Sirius," I said and pulled him onto the couch, where I sat completely cross-legged to get a better view of Severus, who raised his eyebrows irritated.
"Regulus. What do you know about him and his death?" I asked Severus, hoping that some answers might bring us closer to the case of Voldemort.
"I'm sure you want to know why he died, don't you? The only thing I know is that he became a Death Eater while still at Hogwarts. He couldn't lay his life at the feet of the Dark Lord fast enough, it was almost disgusting how much he begged for his favor. But the Dark Lord enjoyed something like this up to a certain limit, so that Regulus quickly belonged to the inner circle and got the Dark Mark without doing anything. But his favor declined rapidly when he failed to blow up the Muggle house of a politician and his family. One of the Order had caught him beforehand and damaged something during the duel. But everyone felt the fear of Regulus at his thoughtless words. It was a child's fear of punishment for a misdeed. He disappeared from our circle one day. But the Dark Lord himself didn't seem to know exactly where his sycophant was. At first, we thought he had gotten the whisper and executed himself before any of us would have been given this task. The Dark Lord instructed Mulciber to kill him or find his dead body. But he was unsuccessful, Black had disappeared from the face of the earth. Unfortunately, Mulciber caught Orion Black when he didn't want to get out where his youngest offspring is due to torture. But there were always losses," Severus explained, before looking at me thoughtfully. "But you're asking for a reason. Tell me!"
"I know that Regulus was on the trail of a mystery related to the destruction of the Dark Lord. He wanted to hurt him and then switch to our side," I said softly, thinking of Fabian and Regulus, whose love never came to light and never will. Forever a secret. And I wondered if anyone would ever know about Severus and me too.
"So? The little one wanted to join the Order? Something I wouldn't have thought he could do. I suppose he had a liaison from whom you have your knowledge?" Severus asked, looking at me sharply.
"Yes. But Dumbledore doesn't know about it. And I don't have any information about what it was that Regulus was working on. The only one who might have known is long dead. I just think it's strange that he didn't die at the hands of the Dark Lord," I replied thoughtfully.
"That's what makes it interesting. Then he probably died in the attempt," Severus thought aloud, his finger slipping over his pressed lips, lost in thought. "When he knew a secret of the Dark Lord, which would have led to his destruction."
"Probably. That makes it all the more unfortunate not to have any further information about it," I said sadly. It was a straw that I might have subconsciously clung to.
"But I'll share the thing with Dumbledore, maybe he has a hunch. If Black had a connection to the Order, he certainly knew," Severus said and tried to smile at me briefly to give me hope again, as he recognized the pure despair on my face.
"No, he's not initiated. It was a secret connection. Just like us," I said quietly and swallowed, because again I felt the grief of this loss clearly in me.
"Someone you liked?" Severus asked me and pulled me close to him to hold me in his arms.
"Yes. He was a friend, almost like family," I replied, feeling hot tears rolling down my cheeks that Severus caught with a finger.
"You've lost many, haven't you?" Severus asked in a deep voice, from which clear guilt and remorse emerged.
"I hope there won't be any more victims. I don't know if I would take it," I whispered, now hiding my face on his shoulder as I felt Severus' body tighten a little before gently stroking my back.
We stayed like this for a while before Tibi suddenly shrieked and when I looked up, he pecked at the still unopened parchment with his beak. I nodded and pulled the letter up to me and unrolled it to skim the short cryptic lines.
Our dog has reappeared. He wasn't sick. It was a rat that succumbed to the disease. The wolf and the dog are looking forward to visitors from the old days in the next few hours in the cave of sneaking out.
"Lupin. How I loathe him," Severus said in disgust.
"I know. But please don't act indiscriminate," I asked Severus, who immediately turned away from me.
"Indiscriminate? Wasn't that hiring a werewolf who is the best friend of an apparent mass murderer?" he said angrily and stood up with a swing, but immediately grabbed his aching head.
"You have to take it easy, Severus. Your head injury is-" I began, but Severus was already throwing on his black cloak.
"That's what I'm going to do at Hogwarts. Then you can celebrate the joyful reunion," he said bitterly and turned around, although I held him by the arm.
"Severus, please-"
"No."
And already he rushed out of the door with his cloak billowing, leaving me suffocated. With that, I knew that Severus would never brush aside his dislike of Sirius and Remus. The old wounds of the things they did to each other were too deep.
I still held the message from Remus in my hand and thought about how to proceed now. Sirius would hate me for not hosting Harry and I couldn't tell him the truth. Remus had never asked questions about this, but I wasn't sure what it would be like with Sirius.
I grabbed a quill and began to write on a parchment:
The wolf and the dog unite - I am happy about the true stories that can be found in the days of youth and were hidden by a veil. But I will not visit the cave, the danger of discovery is too great...
But I faltered at the next sentence, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I closed my eyes for a moment and came to the conclusion that the truth always worked best. Also with Sirius Black. And so, I grabbed my travel cloak and went into the darkness of the night to go to a certain rock cave near Hogwarts.
I looked around before marching up the hill under cover of darkness, but with a few detection spells I couldn't find anyone in the vicinity except the figures of Remus and Sirius who were in the cave. And a larger flying beast seemed to be among them.
As I quietly stepped into the cave, Sirius was immediately startled, his rushed gaze gliding over my figure. It only took a short time for a grin to form on his emaciated face. And the hippogriff in the corner also screeched with surprise at my appearance.
"Remus, you let her know?" he asked in a croaking voice that sounded like he hadn't used it for a long time. But behind all the shaggy hair, I recognized the former school heartthrob who looked at me with flashing eyes.
"Yes, I thought to myself, this is how we can celebrate some kind of reunion," Remus said softly, looking back and forth between the two of us uncertainly.
"So, we're the pitiful rest," Sirius said in a bitter voice. And I immediately remembered the conversation on our last night as a student at Hogwarts. We hadn't seen it coming, that it would catch almost all of us. Annihilated in the fight against Voldemort and his Death Eaters.
"I find the word pathetic a bit inappropriate. But yes, we are the rest of our group," Remus admitted, his gaze clouded by sadness.
Uncertainly, I stepped further into the cave to the two of them, not sure what I expected from this meeting, for which I had angered Severus.
But Sirius stood up and walked quickly towards me, it seemed slightly threatening, but I didn't flinch.
Suddenly, he spread his arms around me and we embraced each other in our old bond.
"I'm glad the truth came out. I'm sorry, Sirius. I could have guessed it was Peter. But I thought you were the keeper of the secret," I said, trying to dampen my guilt a bit. The man in front of me sat innocently in Azkaban for fucking 12 years. The fact that he was reasonably in his right mind bordered on a miracle. And he waved it off.
"I've heard all this from Remus. And I forgive you both! I wouldn't have been any different if I were you!" he said, patting me on the shoulder in a conciliatory way.
And already I heard the true story from the victim's mouth. Sirius described how he swapped roles with Peter at the last moment. Not out of fear, but because he thought it was safer for James and Lily. He would be suspected and persecuted as James' best friend, but Peter would never have become a secret-keeper if Sirius hadn't had this idea. And he thought Remus or I might be the traitors, so we fell away. When he went to Peter to visit him in his hiding place on Halloween, but did not find him there, he suspected the worst. As fast as he could, he went to Godric's Hollow to warn James and Lily, but he was too late. He met Hagrid, who was supposed to take Harry to Dumbledore. So, he went in search of the traitor. Pettigrew, however, staged a scenario that portrayed Sirius as the deserter to the Potters, the murderer of twelve Muggles, and Peter Pettigrew himself. Without trial, the Ministry of Magic, under the direction of Bartemius Crouch, banished him to the Azkaban Wizarding Prison for life as an alleged Death Eater.
"And I thought you were telling the truth under Vitaserum. I'm so sorry, Sirius," I shook my head at this blatant injustice. I just couldn't believe that Sirius hadn't gotten a trial, even though the witnesses might have made the case seem clear.
"I did, too. But this unequal treatment doesn't just affect people like me," Remus said, looking guiltily at Sirius, his shoulders drooping desolately.
"Oh, Moony, old friend. We knew that the Ministry was incompetent against Voldemort. But no one could have guessed so much ineptitude," Sirius said, trying to squeeze a smile. "But there's one thing I don't understand, Catherine. Why didn't you take the boy to you long before he's at Hogwarts?" Sirius asked me in detail.
"Blood spell, Sirius. Harry is safe from Voldemort as long as he lives with Lily's sister. I don't know what you know. But through Lily's voluntary sacrifice out of love-" I began, but I was interrupted by Sirius' surprised whistle.
"... Harry is safe."; Remus closed for me and suddenly seemed more relaxed. It was the explanation for both men why I couldn't take the boy with me.
"But that doesn't explain why he doesn't know you. After all, you are his godmother, as I am the boy's godfather," Sirius asked nonchalantly and I bit my lower lip painfully, because I had hoped that this would not be an issue.
"I can't, Sirius. I'm not prepared for this and there's a reason I can't tell you," I said softly, looking down at the ground, hoping it would be enough. But it didn't, because he was still Sirius, after all.
"Why? Don't you trust us?" Sirius asked dryly before his eyes widened. "Or are you cowardly? Are you afraid that this will make you vulnerable when Voldemort is back?"
I looked at him in surprise, because I didn't trust him to think that far, especially not in his current state.
"No. It's not about me. But that also makes Harry vulnerable. I'm the perfect target that Voldemort could use against the boy," I explained. And against Severus, but I kept silent about that. "That's why I prefer to stay under the radar, as long as possible."
"Nonsense! There were guests at the christening, they know you're his godmother!" Sirius shouted indignantly, but I shook my head.
"Just Remus, Dumbledore and you. Unfortunately, the rest are no longer alive, Sirius," I said in a bitter voice.
"She's right. And I understand her reasons, Padfoot," Remus said, putting a protective hand on my shoulder.
Sirius looked at me in silence before shaking his head.
"I expected more from you, Catherine. Much more. But then I guess I'll have to accept that you're abandoning Lily's son," he said in an angry voice.
"I'm going to help him differently. I promise it in my friendship with her!" I replied loudly and firmly, so that Remus looked at me in surprise. Sirius had apparently hit a nerve with me and that hurt me. "But that's all I want to say. Please accept that, Sirius!"
He looked at me, at first his eyes glowing hostilely at me, before he gave himself a visible jerk, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"If you have to lie to the boy," Sirius said in a contemptuous voice, and in front of me suddenly the boy from his school days appeared again with even features, black hair that casually fell into his grey eyes, and a gait of casual grace and springy steps. He was not languished by many girls for no reason, which was probably one of the reasons why he was always a little bit arrogant. I was probably one of the few who never succumbed to his charm, but rather punished him with dislike until the seventh grade.
"It has to be, Sirius," I said in a soft voice, pulling out a bottle of fire whiskey from my cloak. "And now let's toast to the fact that we are one more again!"
A smile spread on the faces of Remus and Sirius and together we drank the new circumstance of having an old friend again, who was at least rehabilitated among us.