Round 2
Zelda vs. The Ice Climbers

On one side of the screen, Zelda conjured Din's Fire with a steely focus. On the other side, Nana and Popo playfully peaked over each other's shoulders. Nana and Popo were first.

"Ya know," Nana mused, "Zelda's a nice girl."

Popo nodded in agreement, "Yeah, very nice."

"But she's been to the top of the mountain before, in Melee, with the 'Mario killer' gimmick. It's our turn now."

Zelda appeared in the interview chair next, "I'm delighted that the Ice Climbers have solved their differences with the Smash organization and I can't wait to test myself against them."

The video jump cut back to The Ice Climbers.

"Zelda competes because she thinks it's fun. We compete because we want to win," Nana growled.

"See you, kids, out there!" Zelda waved to the camera when the video cut back to her.

"Feel the brunt of our hammers!" Popo warned.

Nana clenched her hands, a big smile on her face, "Popo that's a great line!"

Popo, in turn, blushed, "Thanks, I really thought about that one."

Cranky and 9-Volt had the floor now, "Friendliness and intensity go head-to-head in our next match."

"9-Volt what are you on about? Your unenlightened mind may see friendliness but it's more like naivete." Cranky grumbled.

"So says you," snapped 9-Volt, "Futaba what say you?"

The girl also known as Oracle appeared, seated behind her special desk, "Considering how much of a banger the match with Saki was, gotta go ICs on this one."

"Alright, let's throw it down to entrances!"

Zelda's Lullaby played over the speakers as the princess for which the tune was named jogged down to the arena, waving at her adoring subjects. The feed in the arena would occasionally cut the crowd signs wishing the princess well, and a gigantic Hyrule flag hung over one of the balconies. As Zelda got to the center of the stadium, the soft turn of a lullaby gave way to the jazzy, upbeat tempo of Icicle Mountain. The squawk of a condor could be heard as The Ice Climbers flew up and out of Tunnel B atop one, jumping down once the beast flew over the stadium's center. As soon as the parka-clad kids touched down, Mills Frames appeared.

"The following contest is a Round 2 match in the Super Smash Brothers Ultimate Tournament!" Mills began, "Introducing first she comes to us from the Legend of Zelda universe, she is The Elusive Princess she is ZELDA!"

The hooligan cheers of the Hylians were the soundtrack to Zelda's regal wave.

"And introducing next to my right," Mills continued, "They come to us from the Ice Climbers universe. They are the Bone Chilling Duo, they are The Ice Climbers!"

Cheers of the Nakatsuka Tribe, the boos of Hyrule's hooligans, and a fleet of over-excited Snowmad war drums compounding during Nana and Popo's Dosey Doe.

"Now, if you'll direct your attention to the video board…"

Stages flew by on the video board, landing on. Rainbow Cruise. Zelda didn't even have to look at them to see their mischievous, smirking expressions.

"ANOTHER WALK-OFF STAGE! IS THE AUTHOR TIRED! IS HE LAZY! DID THEY OUTLAW MOUNTAIN DEW IN HIS GENERAL AREA!?" Cranky raved.

"Hey! If you keep insulting this author that may or may not exist, he might do something bad to us," 9-Volt's voice quaked.

Cranky laughed, "No. He's a grown-ass adult with nothing going on in his life but Nintendo games. Sounds like future you now that I think about it!"

"Hey!" 9-Volt snapped, "Is that such a bad way to live your adult life?"

The bickering commentators had missed the preamble, like Zelda, Nana, and Popo were already headed to the winged boat.

Stage: Rainbow Cruise

Rules: 3-Stock, Items Medium

Music: Slide (Super Mario 64)

3

In a twinkling burst of magic, Zelda appeared on stage.

2

Hanging on to a flying Condor's claw, the Ice Climbers touched gently down.

1

Amidst the metronome of the mechanical wings flapping in the calm wind, magic sparked in royal hands. Gloved hands tightened around mallets.

GO!

Immediately, Zelda felt anxiety overwhelm her, despite the Triforce of Wisdom's best efforts to quiet such thoughts. All of her pre-planned strategies evaporated as she charged.

"Hah!" Nana laughed, "Look at this Popo! Like a Polar Bear scrambling for its sunglasses!"

Popo and Nana jumped just as she came within range, her magic shove that she'd learned many years ago from training with Peach meeting nothing but empty air as the Climbers loomed over her. She didn't even have time to curse her foolishness as two hammers thrust down into her unprepared skull. The blows sent her stumbling backward, but the Ice Climbers were like Moblins on the prowl, scampering towards her, uppercutting her with two hammer swings. Not even landing on the lowest platform of the airship's mast provided any relief, the pesky punks in parkas jumping up through the platform to propel her to the next one. On pure instinct alone, Zelda scrambled off the platform and onto the bow.

"Oh! So you are gonna fight!" Nana teased with a disingenuous smile, Popo trailing behind

Years of Hylian Royal Court had taught her how to smile back just as disingenuously, "More than you know!"

"Nana! Now!" Popo commanded

A swiping magic strike was parried. Nana's chortle of victory was half-formed when Zelda held out her palms, multiple magic bursts sizzling on the tip of her palms. Both Climbers tumbled were sent tumbling away, landing awkwardly on their stomachs. Popo immediately sprung to his feet, and a wordless point from Nana was all the muscle needed to charge forward.

"NARYU'S LOVE!" Zelda called.

Popo's eyes widened, knowing damn well momentum wouldn't let him stop, crashing right into the magic, diamond-hard droplets of water slicing at his every fiber.

Zelda suspected she could hear Nana's resulting screams of anger from another planet and could predict her movements from just as far away.

"NARYU'S LOVE!"

Just as her partner had, Nana too found herself colliding with water magic, both adventurers deposited in a heap on the very edge of the bow. Reflexively, Zelda held out her hands, magic splaying onto the Ice Climbers as they scrambled, already in offensive positions. Zelda scuttled backward, to the very center of the airship.

"DIN'S FIRE!"

The fireball flew at her command and disappeared, Nana, stepped out of bounds of the tiny explosion just as it erupted.

"OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK ZEL!" hooted Nana.

Climbing cleats pattered against the wooden floor as the two bounded towards Zelda, jumping effortlessly to the lowest platform on the mast. Out of desperation, Zelda frantically waved her hand in an arch shape, the magic that filtered out of her hand providing a desperate barrier between her and her opponents.

But the pattern was too slow, too simple, Nana and Popo once again angled their hammers down, jumping off the platform and onto Zelda's head.

"SQUALL HAMMER!" shouted the Ice Climbers.

Spinning mallet blows pummeled the paranoid princess, bouncing her off of the frame of the captain's quarters, leaving her open for yet another dual hammer blow, sending her rolling to the very edge of the stern.

"If this is how you're moving these days Your Highness," Popo said, genuine concern coming from a worried face, "I'd hate to see what'll happen when we get to the fun part."

With a growl of defiance, Zelda jumped over them onto the bow.

Nana lazily put an arm around Popo's shoulders as the platforms that constituted the infamous Rainbow Ride world came into view.

"Well speak of the Nitpicker my beloved," she said in a goofy, intentionally warbled voice, making Popo grin, "The fun part's here. Wanna have first go? You more than earned it carrying my stupid ass last round."

Popo smiled broadly.

"Have fun sweetheart!" Nana giggled, pecking Popo on the cheek.

With a new fire in his step, Popo charged the still stunned Zelda, a running wind-up blow connecting with her stomach was followed up by another. A jumping headbutt sent her so far away that she found herself with her back pressed up against the scrolling Blast Zone. Now, Nana had caught up to Popo, the two standing side by side.

"BLIZZARD!" They cried together mid-jump.

Smothering Zelda with their magic breath as he descended, it wasn't enough of a concentrated blast to freeze her in a block of ice, but it was enough for her to have to shake herself warm again. The Ice Climbers grinned at one another, it was all they needed.

Without a word, they jumped up, unleashing simultaneous upward cleaves of their mallets. Despite her grunt of pain, Zelda's recovery was measured and precise, but it didn't stop the two from angling their hammers downward and falling, Popo hitting the marble platform below her, while Nana, on the very edge of the platform, slid off, continuing her descent downward and conking Zelda on the head, sending her flying.

"Are we gonna see the first fall of the matchup?" Cranky asked viewers.

"Zelda's got one of the best recoveries in the whole tournament, don't count her out yet."

"FARORE'S WIND!" Zelda called.

In a green flash, she teleported away. Unfortunately, she saw Nana and Popo's beady eyes staring back at her.

"Hi," Nana waved mockingly as Popo swung down, hitting her on the head again.

"You can tell Nana and Popo spent a lot of time in the training room, it's impressive really," Cranky observed as Nana grabbed Zelda, by the tunic, Popo pummeling her with measured swings of his mallet.

Zelda shook herself awake shoving Nana into Popo who caught her on instinct.

" Farore's Wind," Zelda hissed through a grimace.

She once again spun, teleporting away to a carpeted platform that swung on a pendulum. Effortlessly, The Ice Climbers skipped along the platforms between them. Meanwhile, concentrating as hard as she could, Zelda mentally built the Phantom Knight. The knight fully assembled itself just as the two touched down on the platform.

"PHANT-" Zelda began

"BLIZZARD!" The Ice Climbers bellowed, breathing ice onto the Phantom Knight.

Immediately, the Phantom Knight was encased in a block of ice, Nana and Popo smacking it at Zelda, the hapless apparition careening into Zelda, sending her into the Blast Zone.

Zelda: 2

Ice Climbers: 3

Nana and Popo hung off the edge of the platform nearest to the pendulum platform as Zelda jumped off the Revival Platform and onto it. Again, she built the Phantom Knight to completion.

"PHANTOM SLASH!"

As soon as the Knight had jutted out and completed its slice, The Ice Climbers jumped to it, bouncing off its helmet, mallets over their heads, ready to swing down. At the last second, Zelda waved her hand above her head, causing the two mountaineers to be smothered by magic, landing right in front of her as she charged a burst of magic to her palms, knocking them away.

"She's picking her spot!" 9-Volt cried as Nana and Popo collected themselves and charged forward.

"I don't know about that kid," Cranky guffawed, "She's gonna have to pick a whole spot field to recover from this kind of deficit."

The Ice Climbers had their mallets over their heads ready to clobber Zelda in the lower platform, but Zelda was quicker, setting off a burst of magical fire to knock them into the air. When they barely managed to avoid the Blast Zone, Zelda waited for their limp forms to come down, assaulting them with magic with a simple wave, and sending them into the Blast Zone.

Zelda: 2

Ice Climbers: 2

"AND JUST LIKE THAT!" 9-Volt decreed with extra mirth in his voice, "ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN SUPER SMASH BROTHERS!"

The couple jumped down from their extra-large Revival Platform immediately. No sooner had they touched the ground did a Smash Ball appear.

"And the first item of the match is here, which is a weird thing to say when items are on medium," 9-Volt pondered.

As Popo waylaid Zelda while Nana jumped after the Ball, Cranky countered, "You try finding anything on this Windows 95 ass LSD rollercoaster."

"That's a..." 9-Volt paused, "Weirdly specific, but also a really accurate thing to call this stage."

Despite Zelda's best efforts to counter Popo's onslaught, it was too late. After clobbering it as hard as she could, Nana broke the Ball. Nana returned to Popo just in term for them both to be swept up in Zelda's magical wave, but the pelting of magic was not enough to free the Smash Ball's power from them. In midair, the two high fived.

"BIIIG ICEBERG!" they cheered.

At that moment, a Mushroom fell from the sky, landing on Popo's head, making him bigger.

"This better not awaken anything in me," Nana laughed.

"Not the time," Popo seethed, his voice several octaves deeper.

"Wow," Nana huffed, watching the Iceberg pummel Zelda, "I have been spending too much time on the internet lately,"

As if it shrunk in shame, the Big Iceberg disappeared. A supersized mallet shot knocked her to the next platform. She sprung up, wheezing as her broken ribs poked at her internals.

"You're a," she gasped, "Bigger target,"

More magic-charged palm strikes sent them up. Zelda jumped up as Popo shrank to his normal size, not seeing Nana fall out of her grasp. Only when Zelda felt Nana's mallet across her back did she realize her mistake. Luckily, as Zelda spiraled to a checkered platform she saw an Assist Trophy. Pilfering it into her hands, she held it aloft. The grey-skinned, black-clad form of Alucard appeared.

"Suffer with me," Alucard growled.

A diving kick stunned Nana and Popo as Zelda descended back onto the airship. The Ice Climbers scrambled down, but Alucard transforming into a colony of bats ensured they went to the Blast Zone.

Zelda: 2

Ice Climbers: 1

A Bomber appeared in the middle of the airship, Popo formed some icer with his breath and slapped the sliding icicles across the top platform on the mast. The ice slid off, bouncing off the captain's quarters, knocking the Bomber out of her hand. At the same time, Nana jumped down, grabbing her, while Popo jumped to her other side, holding the Bomber aloft. The creature vibrated, turning red. The world seemed to slow down as it exploded, knocking Zelda into the Blast Zone.

Zelda: 1

Ice Climbers: 1

The Revival Platform appeared. The airship hit the platforms, beginning to sink.

"We're waiting," Nana mocked.

Without a word, Zelda transformed into Sheik, using the invincibility the Revival Platform offered her to read her needles. Throwing seven, the Ice Climbers held up their mallets, the barbed metal penetrating the wood. Both Ice Climbers peeked over their defensive stance to see Sheik twisting in mid-air.

"ITAH!" they both cried.

The sulfurous explosion rocked them both, both blinded Innuits staggering backward, left open for a barrage of punches. As the ship fell to its doom, Sheik unleashed a hook kick, knocking the Ice Climbers into the air. Then, jumping into the air herself, she dove down, the foot connecting with both Ice Climbers, sending them to the Blast Zone.

GAME!

Amongst the usual cheers, Kazooie gave Erdrick the side-eye, "This is the most I've seen you emote Gohan. What's up?"

"I just like Zelda a lot, that's all."

Kazooie cocked her head to the side, "No blushing. Although I completely understand Vegeta, I wouldn't want to be looking down three individual Master Swords either."

Erdrick avoided eye contact with the bird, fixating his eyes on the screen as Zelda, now in her regular clothes, drew a Triforce with magic sparkles as the splash screen declared the obvious.

ZELDA WINS!

A blinded Popo wiped soot from his eyes, while Nana seethed just over his shoulder. Rita barely had to get in the frame before Nana was ranting.

"DAMN IT!" she screamed, punching a wall, "WE GOT COCKY! POPO BABY, YOU WERE RIGHT! YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN RIGHT! WE SHOULD HAVE STUCK TO THE CHIEF'S TEACHINGS."

"No," Popo shook his head, "We did well out there both as individuals and as a team. We each held the fort down in each formation when it was called for."

Nana nodded back, "Yeah, we did, didn't we?"

She turned back to the camera.

"There's a reason why he's the man I want to make Condor Stew with now and forever. Now that we're out of the tournament, we're gonna go party it up."

As Nana and Popo walked off-camera, the camera cut to Zelda, her hands neatly folded as Mister Zero approached her, "Another spectacular win."

Zelda nodded, her eyes shut in contemplation, "In House Hyrule, we persevere, and we will continue to. Lucina, Pichu, whichever one of you advances, I would advise you to be ready."