Intermission 6

Pit

The sound of the intermission bell had barely faded into memory and Cranky's disinterested reading of the sponsors amid a throw to commercial had just begun when Pit and Palutena appeared in the Smashers' Box. Above Palutena, seemingly hundreds of Styrofoam coffee cups swirled above her.

"Is that… Starbeans I smell?" Yoshi gasped through a mouth already filled with saliva.

"Yep!" Pit snapped a thumbs up, "We figured while we were out we'd get coffee for everyone."

Uncharacteristically silently, Palutena spread her arms wide. As if they had a mind of their own, each Styrofoam cup found the Smasher it was meant for.

"Thanks, Your Holiness," Wolf grumbled, "But if you knew me you'd know I was more of a beer man. The pup ruined coffee for me," he said, snapping a glare at Fox.

"And it's my fault you fell for a place called StarFoxBucks?" Fox snapped back, "You should've known that place was a bootleg."

"I was desperate!" argued Wolf, "Doesn't help that Lylat outlawed caffeine pills, which were my usual goto."

"You shouldn't have let him brew that Star Fox," Sans winked.

"One more smart ass remark outta you, and I use your pelvis to pick my fucking teeth," snarled the space pirate, fangs out.

As the old rivals bickered back and forth, Sans giggling the whole way, Pit made his way over to where Dark Pit sat, crosslegged on the floor below the auditoriums.

"Ya know Pitoo," mused Pit, "I should thank you for introducing me to black coffee."

"Knowing what you did before this makes this contaminated in my eyes," hissed Pit.

"What?" Pit shrugged, "I washed my hands,"

Dark Pit gagged.

"It's…"

Another gag,

"It's the princi-"

"Are you alright Pitoo? You sound like me when Lady Palutena…"

Dark Pit stood up, instinctually reaching for his bow.

"Oh Palutena, you look positively glowing," Peach squealed on the other side of the room as the goddess blushed.

Dark Pit grabbed his head, pulling it as hard as he could, screaming to the heavens, and zooming up the rest of the auditorium.

Lucina

Dark Pit's scream didn't take Lucina away from the thoughts at hand. Being shoulder checked by the fleeing angel did. Casting away a flaring annoyance at the clone, she continued her trek up the stairs. Standing on the side of the wall, his arms, crossed, was Hayabusa. Not breaking her gaze from the ninja, she finally made it up the stairs, sighing nervously.

"Mister Hayabusa," she announced, "I would like your assistance in training for the next round."

Hayabusa chuckled, "Would you? After my miserable performance out there? I'm even too nervous to reach out to my girlfriend, Irene, because of it."

"In your defense, Vergil is one of the most powerful warriors I've ever met."

"You know of him?" asked Hayabusa.

"Yes, we worked together during the Golden Chains incident. But I also worked with someone else named, Kage Maru, a ninja, and..."

"And you lost every time when you would spar?" Hayabusa finished.

"Yes. A hidden weapon always beats a sword after all,"

"Hmm, so I heard," Hayabusa asked, "Sheik would cause a problem for you in your next round."

"She would," nodded Lucina, "Unless of course, you would train me,"

Hayabusa nodded back, "Granted. We begin at dawn tomorrow,"

Lucina nodded, spinning on her heel to walk back down the stairs. Her gaze went to Robin, who gave her a thumbs up from the bottom of the auditorium before going back to studying some notes he had written.

Snake, Lucas

Lucas' fingers trembled as he hit the accept call button on his communicator. The screen flashed to show Flint, Hinawa, and Claus, with the latter lovingly stroking something off camera, most likely Boney.

"Guys," Lucas' voice quivered, "I failed,"

Claus shook his head, "No way dude! That was nuts. Doubt I would've kept my composure as well as you did,"

Flint stoically nodded.

"Thanks, but," Lucas paused, mulling over his next thought, "It also doesn't help that my friends are fighting."

"The Pokeyman trainers?"

"It's pronounced Pokemon dad, but yeah."

Hinawa nodded, "So the gossip magazines have been saying! But I wouldn't think anything of it. Friends fight and disagree. It's just that differences in thinking can overtake basic respect sometimes."

"You're right mom, thanks. I gotta get back to watching the matches."

"Us too!" Claus clipped, "I'm so freakin' hyped for Quinn and Sans,"

As Claus began to excitedly shadow box, Hinawa looked at Flint, "I deeply regret letting him watch that talk show,"

Flint nodded, "Agreed. There's too much violence on the television these days,"

Lucas smiled, turning off his communicator. The humor immediately melted to overblown cold shock as a gloved hand clasped his shoulder. Shooting a glance over his shoulder, he looked up to see Snake grinning down at him.

"Was that the family?" he asked with an uncharacteristic warmness.

"Y-yeah," Lucas nodded.

"Great. I'm glad we found a universe where they were all intact. I've wanted to meet them ever since you told me…"

"Really?" Lucas' squeak was abrupt and sharp, "You're more than welcome to join us for dinner. Mom and Claus have wanted to meet a Smasher since we started, and it's not like my friend group is salvageable right now."

Snake shot a forlorn look over at Isabelle, who was somehow doing one-armed knuckle pushups with Incineroar on her back, the other arm tucked behind her back.

"Neither is mine," Snake sighed, "Guess I better call my family too."

Lucas' eyes immediately widened an empathetic, somber look within.

"That bad?"

"Let's just say," Snake sighed again, "I wish my father was as warm as your mother."

With that, Snake found a quiet corner, tapping in Otacon's Codec number, now the chief contact for the already bloated support staff.

Within the first ring, someone picked up. He listened for her breathing and heard none. Even those with the training to control their breathing betrayed a wheeze of nicotine-addled lungs. Completely controlled breathing could only mean one thing.

"Boss,"

Snake cursed inwardly. He had sounded like a naughty puppy afraid to take a beating, even though he'd rehearsed it inwardly ever since he lost.

"Snake," came the stone serious tone of The Boss, "You performed well,"

That brought the pettiest of grins to Snake's lips. He knew Zero, Big Boss, and Ocelot were listening, and he knew they weren't over the verbal pummeling she'd given them when they'd all met. She had said Snake, the only one of them actively working towards an anti-war agenda, was the closest to her agenda and therefore her most prized pupil. To see the three military legends deflate like popped balloons filled Snake with an indescribable joy. But, as Big Boss had whispered to him on the way out of the hotel room, it wasn't easy to stay in The Boss' good graces for long.

"However, your training is lax."

And there it was. He could've sworn he heard both Ocelots, young and old, snickering in the background.

"You have multiple VR missions at your disposal to train against elemental attacks. The Man on Fire for fire, The End for plant life, and The Sorrow for water."

"Or Metal Gear Ray's water jet," interjected Otacon.

"Hey," Snake growled, "I don't need an interjection from the peanut gallery,"

"I'm just trying to-"

Otacon was cut off by The Boss clearing her throat. Snake didn't need to see Otacon meekly slouching like a turtle retreating in his shell to know that was exactly what he was doing.

"Consider yourself lucky soldier,' warned The Boss, "I've kept their nonsensical squabbling away from you. I can turn my back to this at any time."

"Thanks," Snake grumbled.

"That said, I've read your file, and understand why you may have been lax. You live in an unprecedented time of peace and have technically rejoined the land of the living. That said, you may want to consult your dog friend, once her unwarranted ego comes crashing down."

"First of all, how can you see us? The Smash Mansion is the most secure building in the-"

"Your mansion might be, but your stadium is not. I'm the mother of special forces for God's sake, I have my ways,"

Snake grumbled, "True. But Boss, something you said earlier. You made it sound like Isabelle will lose to Joker,"

"Oh, I know she will," The Boss boasted, "I've seen enough fighters with a false bravado who crumble when it gets to a real-life situation."

"You do realize that using VR would transform me into just such a soldier?"

"You're lucky I'm able to handle your father's dry wit," The Boss snapped, "That said, that will be your mission when this round is over."

"Aye aye Boss," Snake saluted.

"Good. Oh, and your father says he's proud of you."

"Wha-"

"Dismissed,"

And with that, the com went dead. From across the room, Snake and Isabelle made eye contact, the Shi-Tzu snapping back to her pushups. Snake slumped into a nearby seat. Sonic instinctively zoomed up, backpedaling just as fast as he came when he saw Snake's glare of death. He had a lot to think about, and he had to wear it on his face, less these talkative fighters never leave him alone.

Ganondorf

Whenever he closed his eyes, the mildew-encrusted stone of Hyrule temple flooded his senses, Before him, he saw Zelda's immediate transformation into Sheik. He heard her pattering footsteps as she charged. He felt a flimsy punch go into his open hand and felt her wrist break at the subsequent bend. He felt every punch thereafter, as from then on, she was his prey.

It was the closest he'd ever been to feeling alive.

As if taking out Mewtwo wasn't good enough, soon Zelda will be at my mercy once again, and no Goddess alive can stop me, thought Ganondorf

"AY! Snap out of it!"

Ganondorf's eyes snapped open to see Wario glaring at him.

"You are-a one-a ze few members remaining from ze Wah-ffice. No sleeping on the job!"

"I am simply thinking of dismembering my most wanted opponent, Zelda," Ganondorf hissed.

Wario blinked.

"You're a freak," Wario concluded, devoid of any accent.

He smiled with such width and vigor that Ganondorf found himself instinctually pulling back

"Nothing a trip back to King Dice's Casino can't fix."

"We already participated in pleasures of the flesh, and doing so close to an inevitable clash with Zelda may dull that sensation,"

Wario shook his head, "You, Akechi, and Green Mario are going to train against King Dice's roulette table, the same thing that took out those cup dorks,"

Ganondorf suppressed a sigh, "As you wish sir,"

"I like you," Wario snapped to his conclusion, "A good minion, unlike…"

Wario darted his eyes to Akechi, who was speaking quietly with Makoto.

"Shall I set him straight boss?" asked Ganondorf.

Again, Wario smiled as wide as he could, mischief flickering in his eyes, "Nah, leave that to me."

At that moment, another bell rang, Wario immediately scuttled down away from Ganondorf's space, taking up space directly in front of the TV.

There, Ganondorf remained, arms and legs crossed, mulling over Wario's assessment of him.

"A good minion indeed," snarled Ganondorf.

He heard Dedede's laugh, immediately scuttling back to meditation again, lest he rips out the penguin's throat. So deep was his quest for inner peace that he missed all of Mario's instruction, only hearing the wooshing of Lucario's Extreme Speed. Ganondorf immediately batted away the image of Dedede atop his litter, not wanting to feel homicidal already.