Alright. Today's the day I bust that creep, Joe, as the spy he really is. He's been puttin' on a convincin' act so far, but he ain't foolin' me. I mean, just look at him, sittin' there, eatin' some raisin bread and watchin' TV. He really thinks he's got everyone under his thumb. By the end of today, I'm gonna catch him red-handed.

Joe got up from the couch he was sitting on and stretched before heading for the door. Upon opening it, he heard something rustle in the bushes. A bird, maybe? He went over to check it out but found nothing there, so he shrugged it off and went on his way.

Once he was gone, Sticks decided to take one last survey before she embarked on her self-imposed mission. She figured Sonic and Knuckles might be lost causes. Joe had probably won them over while they trained him—that, and Knuckles wasn't too bright.

So instead, she decided to go try her luck with Tails. It was a fifty-fifty shot, since Joe lived with him and could've easily sweet-talked him in the time they'd been roommates. On the other hand, though, that meant Tails was the most likely to have seen something unusual.

Making her way to Tails's workshop, she front-flipped through an open window.

Tails didn't look surprised by her entrance at all. "I have a door, you know."

"There's no time for doors!" Sticks shouted. "You haven't seen Joe do anythin' weird lately, have you?"

The fox opened his mouth but paused as he took a moment to think. After a few seconds, he spoke up, "Now that you mention it, I guess there is something weird I've noticed about him."

Sticks's eyes widened. "What is it?"

Tails nodded. "He really likes salt."

Flashback

Tails and Joe sat down at the table, having decided on pasta for dinner. Joe grabbed the saltshaker, grinning as he started pouring salt on his meal.

Tails took a few bites but paused when he noticed that Joe wasn't stopping. "Uh, is that healthy?"

"Probably not," Joe said, his grin starting to look a bit maniacal.

Flashback end

Sticks raised an eyebrow. "That's it? He puts too much salt on stuff?"

"He also beat me up with a flower once," Tails shrugged. He pulled a welding mask over his face. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

Okay, looks like Tails is a lost cause too. Obviously, he's been threatened. How do you beat someone up with a flower, anyway? That just leaves Amy. She's pretty smart, so maybe I can count on her. Hope she's home.

Sticks headed over to her friend's house and banged on the door—though she had the decency to try not to scuff it.

Amy opened up quickly. "Can I help you, Sticks?"

"I'm gatherin' intel on Joe," Sticks reported. "He said anythin' weird lately? Vowed revenge on anyone? Is Joe even his real name?"

The pink hedgehog raised a hand to stop her friend's rapid-fire questions. "I can't say I've seen or heard anything like that. In fact, Joe's been nothing but helpful to me, from cooking to shopping."

Flashback

Amy and Joe walked out of yet another store, Joe carrying a stack of boxes so tall that you couldn't see his face.

"Alright, just a few more stores and we'll be done," Amy smiled.

Joe's scowl was hidden by all the boxes. "So young, and already a slavedriver."

Amy glared at him. "What was that?"

"I said I miss my parents," he backpedaled.

"Oh…Uh, sorry I asked, then," Amy said awkwardly.

Flashback end

"And no, I'm not going to help you tail him, so please don't ask me," Amy said, shutting the whole subject down before Sticks had even remembered to bring it up.

Sticks slumped and took that as her sign to leave. She was just going to have to tail Joe on her own.

It's all up to me now. Good thing Joe's got that bum knee. That'll make it easy to keep up with him—There he is! He's only just gotten into town. Hold on, what's that piece of paper he's pullin' out? That must be a list of targets. He's finally makin' his move!

Watching from afar as Joe walked into a grocery store, Sticks pulled out her boomerang and got ready to spring into action. However, the lack of distressed screams or loud threats threw her off. She came close enough to peek through the doors, only to see that Joe was simply standing at the counter.

Suddenly, the young man stepped back and drew his sword.

That was all the confirmation Sticks needed.

She barged into the store. "Alright, freeze!"

Joe, plus everyone else in the store, was surprised by her sudden entrance. But he quickly got over it, having known her long enough to understand that this kind of behavior was normal.

"Oh, hey, what're you doing here?"

"Stoppin' you from choppin' up that cashier!" Sticks declared.

"That's not what he was doing," the mouse cashier clarified. "I saw that sword of his and asked if he could do any fancy sword moves like in the movies."

"And I figured this was as good an excuse as any to show off this new move I've been working on," Joe finished. "Speaking of which—" Joe held out a hand, which the cashier placed a watermelon in. He tossed the fruit high in the air and brought his sword down. The melon came apart into thirds, which the cashier caught.

Sticks was dumbfounded. "Wait, you only cut that once. Why's it in three pieces?"

Joe's grin vanished as quickly as it had appeared. "I…don't really know." He turned back to the cashier, putting his items on the counter. "So, how much did you say this stuff was?"

Once he'd paid for his groceries, he turned back to Sticks, only to discover she was gone. He shrugged and decided to go on his way.

Ugh. Okay, that didn't go the way I saw it goin', but—

Sticks? Why are you narrating?

For dramatic effect. Now, do you mind, Sonic?

Uh, sure.

Alright, where was I? Oh, yeah, following Joe to see if he breaks his nice-guy act!

Joe walked along the road for a while before spotting an odd bunch in the distance: a walrus, a weasel, and a beaver, who Joe recognized from the team's stories as Dave the Intern. Dressed in purple robes, the three of them were stealing from a fruit stand.

They were about to make a break for it when Joe stepped into their path.

He threw out a half-assed one-liner, "You kinda gotta pay for that stuff." Then he narrowed his eyes. "Wait, I know you guys. You're from the Lightning Bolt Society. I think this is my first time actually seeing you."

Rather than answer him, the Bolts huddled.

"This must be that human Sonic recruited," the walrus observed.

"If he's only a rookie, then maybe we should try and take him down," the weasel suggested. "That'd look great on our track record."

"I can hear you guys," Joe said, moving to draw his sword.

There it is. We told him killin' isn't our thing, but look at him, about to use his sword on livin' targets.

Sticks quickly ate her words when Joe brandished his sword without unsheathing it.

The unusual sight caused the Bolts to burst into laughter.

"Get him!" the walrus commanded. They all charged forward.

POW! POW! POW!

Joe raised his sword and brought it down on their heads one by one. Each of his enemies was knocked out in a single blow.

"Well, that felt nostalgic," Joe commented, placing his sword back on his hip. With that done, he went on his way.

Okay, I guess he didn't kill 'em after all.

Oh, hey, Sticks. You're narrating? Are we doing that now?

Not now, Knuckles! I'm doin' somethin' here! …Dang it, now I've lost track of Joe!

Just then, Sticks heard a familiar voice sing, "I know the sun still shines when you're not around. I'm taking it easy in the worst part of town."

Never mind. I'm back on his trail.

"And now I find it wasn't meant to last. I've one thing to say and that's: thanks for nothing, kiss my ass."

Ooooh. If I weren't undercover, I'd call him out for that mouth of his! Wait, what's that?

"Hey, Sword Guy!"

Joe looked up to see Eggman approaching him in his Eggmobile with Orbot and Cubot in tow. Cubot repeated himself, trying to flag him down.

"Oh, great," Joe muttered. He set his groceries down and drew his sword. "Okay, bring it on. Also, my name's Joe."

"Don't mind him," Eggman jabbed a thumb at Cubot. "I came to talk to you Eggmano a mano."

Joe relaxed his stance but had a deadpan look on his face. "Really? Just talk? Dare I ask why?"

"You needn't dare ask because I'm about to tell you!" Eggman said. "I propose we team up."

"Team up?" Joe repeated.

Eggman nodded. "Exactly. Us humans should stick together. With your cooperation, I can finally take down Sonic and build Eggmanland!"

"Right, the guys told me you wanted to build a theme park," Joe recalled.

"And if you help me, I'll make you the assistant manager," Eggman offered.

Joe sheathed his sword and picked his groceries back up. "Pass."

"What?! But we'd make a killing off tickets and overpriced merch!" Eggman said, still trying to persuade him.

"Sorry, don't care!" Joe called back. "Besides, I'm only here until Tails figures out how to get me home."

Orbot leaned over to Eggman and whispered something to him. The doctor perked up and made a new offer, "Perhaps I could get you home."

That made Joe stop in his tracks.

Eggman grinned. "With a bit of elbow grease, I'm sure I could find a way to send you back to where you came from—wherever that is."

Joe turned around with a disbelieving look on his face. "And you'd just do that out of the goodness of your egg-shaped heart?"

"Well, in return, you could take out one or two members of Sonic's team—"

And just like that, Joe resumed his exit. "Pass again."

"Wait, you—"

"Sorry, not listening!"

So he turned down Eggman's offer. So what? Nobody should trust that guy anyway, spy or not.

Sticks observed from a distance as Joe got back to Tails's house and walked in.

You ain't out of the woods yet, Joe. I'm not givin' up just 'cause you're committed to the bit. I—Wait, what's Zooey doin' here?

Once the vixen entered, Sticks peeked through the window.

"Great. You're here." Joe grinned eagerly as he slung his arms around both foxes' shoulders. "I hope you're ready."

As he stood between them, Tails used a remote to turn on a music player. With Joe in the lead, the three of them began practicing a synchronized dance routine.

After an hour and a half, they decided enough was enough and stopped.

"That was… That was so much fun," Zooey said between breaths. "I'm glad you suggested this, Tails."

Her ears twitched and she looked at the window, prompting Sticks to duck out of sight. Deciding it was nothing, Zooey gave Tails a quick hug and went home.

That was too close. I don't wanna get spotted. Better play it safe and just listen in. Sounds like they're chowin' down right now. I bet Joe's gonna make his move after dinner.

"Alright, Tails, we danced a bit, and we've had our dinner for tonight. I think it's time I got around to crushing you now."

"Oh, yeah? Bring it on!"

I knew he'd make his move eventually! Wait, is that background music I hear? It must be serious in there. I wanna jump in and help, but I don't want a repeat of what happened in the store today. I better wait till the end of the fight, just to be sure.

"Quit shooting me!" Tails complained.

"You have a laser too!" Joe fired back. "Use it!"

The two stopped speaking, and the sound of lasers filled the air for a moment before Tails tried something else. "Take this!"

"Running away now!" Joe announced over the sound of roaring flames. After a moment, the sound of the fire subsided. "Alright, now you're gonna get it!" He fired a laser. "Oh, come on! You were holding out?!"

"Yep." Sticks could tell Tails was grinning just by his tone of voice. "Anything else you want me to throw back at you?"

"How about this?" Joe asked tauntingly.

"Not the flower again!"

Wow, I guess Tails wasn't kidding about that thing with the flower.

"Alright, you're dead now!" Joe declared.

"No, no, nooooooo!"

Deciding this was the moment to act, Sticks burst through Tails's door with her boomerang at the ready. To her surprise, Joe and Tails were both sitting on the couch with game controllers in their hands. Looking at the TV, she saw that they were playing a video game. On the screen a tall brown fox, which she got the feeling was supposed to be Tails, and some sort of robotic operating buddy—a R.O.B., if you will—were fighting each other on some kind of stage.

After a second, Tails shook off his surprise and used the distraction to knock Joe's character off the stage, claiming the win.

Staring at the screen in dismay, Joe slowly turned his attention to Sticks.

"Okay. The first time, I figured you were just passing by, but now I think I see what's going on here. You were tailing me around, hoping to find some evidence that I'm a spy or something. Am I right?"

Having no rebuttal, Sticks could only nod her head.

"You know, if you wanna know about me so bad, I could just tell you my whole deal right now," Joe offered.

Sticks crossed her arms. "Then do it."

Nodding, Joe began counting on his fingers. "Well, I worked at a fast food joint, I lived in a crappy apartment, I watched too much TV—"

"You still watch too much TV," Tails interrupted.

"I deny nothing," Joe shrugged. "Now, where was I? Oh, wait, I'm finished. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds like somethin' anyone could make up in five seconds," Sticks said, unimpressed.

Joe paused for a moment.

"I'm just now realizing that there's no winning with you. Now, if you'll excuse me," he said as he picked his controller back up. "Tails, I demand a rematch on the grounds that I just got robbed."

"Nice try. You lost, so you're on dish duty tonight," Tails grinned.

Joe glared at Sticks before an idea suddenly occurred to him, "Okay, then I propose Sticks does the dishes on the grounds that she robbed me."

"As long as they get done, fine by me," Tails shrugged.

Aiming a thumb in the direction of the kitchen, Joe ordered, "Alright, get in there."

"No way," Sticks crossed her arms.

Joe grinned, "Okay, then. Not it!"

"Not it!"

"Not it!" Sticks called out last. "Grr, you win this round."

As she walked into the kitchen, Joe sat back sown on the couch, "Alright, I think I'll play as Mega Man this time."

Author's note: Just in case it wasn't clear, Tails and Joe were playing Super Smash Bros Brawl. Why is Mega Man in it? To fill in for Sonic. I mean, do you ever see a Spider-Man game appear in a Spider-Man work?