The camera panned through numerous shots of a tropical island in the middle of nowhere. Rushing waterfalls, beautiful forests and angry seagulls took the camera's attention.
"It's been 15 years since our show first aired," a man in his 40s narrated, "And we're back where it all began: this abandoned summer camp in Muskoka, Canada! Back to the run-down cabins, hungry bears, hungrier bugs, the stinky outhouse where contestants confess their secrets, and of course, Chef's disgusting food!" As the man narrated, the numerous sights of the crummy run-down summer camp were displayed – collapsing cabins, giant spider webs, farting mutant flies, and numerous disgusting dishes made with only the finest trash extractions – garnished with the Chef Hatchet Seal of Approval!
The man narrating made his on-screen appearance – an unmistakable dude in a blue shirt and stubble on his butt-shaped chin accompanying his black hairdo. He went on speaking, "Today's 22 new contestants arrive, and battle to be the last one standing and win ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS!" As if on cue, stacks of dollar bills rained on the host's head – much to his irritation. "Someone's gonna pick this up, right?" he shouted to someone off-camera.
Pocketing one of the stacks while no-one was looking, he went on talking as if nothing happened, "But winning won't be easy! This isn't just a reboot… It's a reboot to the FACE!"
The camera once again panned through scenes of chaos, such as an exploding motorcycle (taking out an unlucky intern with it), a poor intern woman crossing a rickety bridge over lava, and a hidden behind-the scenes area where an angry monkey wreaked havoc. "Crazier challengers, deadlier dares, and a writing team made up of angry monkeys who want nothing more than to see humanity fall!"
The man once more took centre stage as he completed his introduction.
"As always, I'm your host, Chris McLean, and this…is TOTAL! DRAMA! ISLAND!"
*theme*
Hey, what's up, I'm here to slay
Don't know why the rest even bother to stay
I know the game and I brought the skill
Crushin' players' dreams, yeah, you know the drill
I wanna be famous!
I'll stay here til the day is won
Won't give up til the fight is done
You know I've got the skills to end this game
And the world will know my name
Cuz I wanna be famous!
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous!
I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous!
*whistling*
*Commercial break*
As the commercial break ended, the show faded back in, and Chris McLean stood proudly on the docks of Camp Wawanakwa.
"Welcome back," Chris greeted the audience, "Now let's meet our 22 victims…" Snickering at his joke, he self-corrected "I mean…CAMPERS!"
Chris pointed off-camera as the first boat arrived, carrying…
"First up, Millie!"
Millie: The Bookworm
Song: I'll Be There for You – The Rembrandts
~~
"In my parents' generation," explained the tanned chubby girl with wild brown hair matching her dark beige jumper and pink vest, "To achieve fame you had to write a novel, win a Gemmy or cure polio." Rolling her eyes as she lifted up an Ipad, displaying a man vomiting in tears, "But MY generation can get famous livestreaming themselves eating hot peppers and vomiting while they cry. All you need is a ring light and a Wi-Fi connection." Millie now walked outside, carrying a notepad, "So I thought, 'what better place than Total Drama Island to research the epic fail that is my own generation?'"
~~
The boat carrying Millie now arrived at the docks. "Hello, Chris," greeted the Bookworm, carrying her luggage and looking quite relaxed.
"Welcome, Millie," greeted the host, "Just over here is fine." As Millie politely made her way past the host to where he told her to stand, Chris pointed off-screen again to introduce the next camper…
"Next up, Axel!"
Axel: The Doomsday Prepper
Song: Back from the Dead - Skillet
~~
Tanned, brown-haired and fierce looking, Axel ran towards the camera as she explained herself. "I'm a survivalist with a primitive survival rating of 9.7!" As if on cue, a rating indicator appeared next to Axel, displaying the number 9.7.
As the camera displayed the prepper running into an alleyway, surrounded by zombie cut-outs, Axel went on explaining, "So when the zombie apocalypse comes, I won't be scared…"
Wasting no time, Axel smashed every zombie cut-out to bits with all manner of weaponized implements, before finishing her explanation with a smug grin, "But the zombies should be."
~~
Jumping off the boat with nun-chuks in hand, Axel tossed her bag full of apocalypse and survival supplies. "Ready, willing and able for anything that comes my way, Chris!" The Doomsday Prepper gave a determined salute. "Say the word and I'll do it."
Chris just stared in surprise as Axel proudly spun her nun-chuks around. "Wow," he stammered, "You came prepared for…everything?" Shaking off his bemusement, he pointed behind him towards where Millie was standing. "Over there, please."
"Aye-aye, sir," nodded the survivalist.
Chris went on to introduce the next camper, "Next up…"
All of a sudden, a loud thud sounded on the dock. Chris glanced over, startled, and saw his next camper had somehow tripped over and fell flat on the docks while disembarking the boat. She got up, dusting herself off, and revealed herself to be a curly blonde-haired girl in a white dress and long white skirt covering her legs, with orange shoes covering her feet and ankles.
"Uh…" Chris greeted, trying not to appear amused at the girl's mishap, "Hello, Lia."
"Oodelay, Chris!" greeted the blonde.
Lia: The Quirky Loon
Song: Livin' La Vida Loca – Ricky Martin
(Voice: Sunday Muse)
~~
"Oodelay! It's Lia!" greeted the blonde as she turned on her camera, "I'm, like, a HUGE Total Drama fan, and I have been for…" She started counting on her fingers, speaking quietly to herself, "One two times four, carry the one…Fifty-digit pi years!" Suddenly she scratched her chin in thought. "Wait, that doesn't make sense…"
The camera now cut to her walking around in her room, explaining "As I was saying, HUGE Total Drama fan. I've seen every episode, and I've watched them while lying upside down too, so I guess you can say I know what to expect!" Pounding her fists in excitement, "I've trained myself by swirling around in a chair five million times, chugging a red hot lava lamp, and I even paid for all the hospital expenses myself!" As she talked, we saw a broken swivel chair and a wall covered in rainbow-colored vomit. She winced a little as she recounted the hospital expenses, "So I kind of need the money to make up the difference." She soon shrugged it off, "But after all of that, how hard can a little game of Total Drama be? Hope you pick me, guys! Sending all my lovesies!"
~~
"You okay there?" asked Millie as Lia walked on over to join her and Axel.
"Oh, I'm fine," reassured Lia, "I've fallen off all sorts of things before. Skateboards, river rafts, deadly rocks from outer space…wait actually that last one was in a dream…" Ignoring Millie and Axel's baffled expressions, she went on talking, "But really, I'll be fine as long as I don't turn into a flopping salmon where I stand!" She quivered a little at the thought, "That won't happen, right?"
Millie silently stared at the Quirky Loon, before silently scribbling something down in her notebook.
"She's not even the weirdest competitor you'll be meeting," Chris admitted with a shrug, before pointing off-camera to the next boat, carrying a short girl waving in greeting.
"Here's someone normal! Priya!"
Priya: The Trained Athlete
Song: Best Day of My Life – American Authors
~~
The youngest competitor by far, but still a determined one, Priya introduced herself as the camera showed her reflection in a gold trophy. She giddily bubbled about her past, "My parents are HUGE Total Drama fans, and have been training me my entire life just in case there was a reboot!"
Evidently, what Priya was saying was not hyperbole, as she promptly had a flashback that showed her mother giving birth to her over the edge of a mountain, springing back by her umbilical cord! "My very first bungee jump was with my own umbilical cord," she explained.
The flashback continued, showing a young Priya accomplishing all manner of challenges, fleeing from bears, and climbing up anything her parents could find. "There's nothing I'm not ready for! Scary challenges, I've done them all, and other players…" Her flashbacks ended as she recalled defeating her father, dressed as Owen, in a dueling stick battle, "They'll all be toast!"
~~
Priya climbed onto the docks giddily, waving to her new campmates, "Hi everyone!"
"Oodelay!" Lia chirped in greeting, "I hope we can become good friends!"
"I suppose we'll see about that," Chris winked to the girls, before pointing off-camera once more.
"Next up, all-around fun dude, Zee!"
Zee: The Soda Junkie
Song: Soda Pop – Britney Spears
~~
"What's up?" Zee greeted the camera, opening his fridge, "I'm Hezekias, but my peeps just call me Zee!"
The camera cut to him cozied up in his house, sipping from his 'breakfast soda,' as he continued talking, "I might not be the strongest or the fastest or like, try super hard…" He blinked in confusion all of a sudden. "Or remember what I'm talking about?"
~~
"Chris, my man!" the tall boy practically sang in excitement, before walking towards him in an attempt to hug the host. "Bring it in!"
"NO." Chris promptly cut him off. Zee didn't appear to mind.
"Aww, he just wanted a hug!" whimpered Lia, looking sad.
"Sorry, not much of a hugger," Chris told the Quirky Loon. He soon gazed at the horizon as the next boat arrived, carrying a chubby boy ruffling the unlucky driver's head.
"Our next camper is Ripper!"
Ripper: The Gross Bully
Song: It's My Life – Bon Jovi
~~
Currently wearing a green and yellow shirt, the scruffy-haired boy smugly explained his way of thinking to the camera. "There's only two things that make a man look weak," he growled, "Caring about other people, and eating mild chicken wings! Well, I don't care about ANYONE, and I always order my wings bum-inferno hot!" As if to verify Ripper's claim, we soon panned to a fire burning from inside a toilet!
Ripper now approached a bus, looking irritated as he explained to the driver, "Did you know pooping in a stranger's purse in a bus is a crime?" The driver, disgusted, promptly shut the doors. We then cut to Ripper's mugshots being taken, as he simply made faces towards the camera, "Yet SOMEHOW, if I dropped brown crayons in my OWN pants, I wouldn't have a criminal record!" He threw an arm up in frustration, "Who's MAKING these laws?!"
~~
As Ripper arrived on the docks, he made a fierce pose and declared, "Time for Beast Mode!" And with that, he growled and ripped off his shirt, surprising even Chris, and flexed his muscles, proudly displaying his shirtless body to his unlucky castmates.
"Oh. Oh my," Priya stammered, trying to no avail to find the words for this situation.
Millie cringed, Lia giggled a little, Axel stared in disapproval, and Zee simply sipped from his soda.
Not noticing the disgusted reactions, Ripper proudly stepped up to them, flexing more, "Take a long dreamy gander, ladies! Cause once I win the million bucks, I'll be out of your league!"
"That's putting it mildly," Axel snorted.
Chris tapped his head in realization, "I don't see a suitcase." He glanced at the ripped-up shirt of the Gross Bully, "Was that your only shirt?"
Ripper winced a little, realizing what he did. "Aw, fartnuggets!"
"We'll find you something," the host reassured him, before returning his attention to the docks as the next boat arrived.
"Next up, Damien!"
Damien: The Scientist
Song: Irresistible – Fall Out Boy
~~
His yellow hat comfortably pointing backwards and matching his dark blue jacket with green and yellow markings, Damien greeted the camera happily "Ayo, ayo, it's Damien time!" He started explaining his situation, "I've never heard of Total Drama Island, but my friends dared me to make an audition tape," He pointed off-camera to two very amused-looking teenagers, before the camera panned back to him. "And if there's a million bucks up for grabs, count me IN!" He grabbed a test tube he owned, full of some mysterious green liquid, "How hard can it be?" All of a sudden, the liquid caught fire, sending smoke all around the room, sending Damien on a panic-driven fit as he ran around the room. "FIRE! FIRE!"
~~
"Ayo, what's up man," Damien greeted the host, "Here for that million bucks, where it at?"
Chris blinked in confusion. "We don't just give it to you," Chris explained, "You have seen this show before, right?"
"Nope," Damien responded, still smiling. "How do I get the money?" Priya, Millie and even Lia all cringed at this answer – did he really not know what he was in for?
"O-ho-ho, you are gonna be FUN!" laughed Chris. Glancing past a confused Damien, he soon caught sight of the next camper…and she looked to be quite the character.
"Speaking of fun, here comes Lauren!"
Lauren/Scary Girl: The Psychopath
Song: Dead! – My Chemical Romance
~~
Lauren, or as we will now call her, 'Scary Girl', appeared to be recording her audition at night at a carnival she lived nearby.
"I wanna come on this show and make a lot of new friends," explained the pale, gothic-looking girl with a vicious grin, "And then watch them get really hurt." She promptly hopped onto a plunger detonator and caused a huge explosion off-camera! "Yeah. I'd like that." She almost didn't notice the flaming clown shoe and horn that bounced onto the camera – evidently, this was business as usual for her…
~~
Chris tried not to show any fear as Scary Girl stared him down. "Welcome," he greeted.
"You should stop looking at me," chirped the Psychopath menacingly, eyes shrunken to the size of pinpricks and showing her shining teeth like she wanted to bite the host.
Not willing to argue, Chris promptly covered his eyes. "Well then. Will do."
"She seems nice," Lia chimed, not noticing any danger, to the confusion of a terrified Priya.
"Uh…" Priya murmered in response, grimacing a little, "Appreciate the optimism."
Hearing the whir of another boat's engine, Chris, still covering his eyes, pointed towards the approaching boat, carrying the next competitor.
"But if you like creepy things, you'll like our next camper…Maddie!"
Maddie: The Morbidly Kindhearted
Song: The Greatest Show Unearthed – Creature Feature
(Voice: Stacey DePass)
~~
Leaping out of the dark, surrounded by hanging Halloween decorations and rubber arthropod toys, was a dark-skinned girl with scruffy brown hair, a dark blue jacket over a darker blue undershirt, and dark green shorts. "Boo!" giggled the girl, "I'm Madison, but my friends call me Maddie!" A brief pause, "At least they would if I had any friends."
She walked through the corridors of her house, full of disgusting mini-figurines and well-decorated terrariums inhabited by bugs of every shape and size. "I'm just your average ordinary girl who loves creepy-crawlies, weird biology, horror fiction and almost anything that your average five-year-old boy would love to throw at his older sisters."
Sitting outside on a swing, watching a centipede climb around on a tree, Maddie went on explaining, "I'd love to be on Total Drama Island cause, well, think about it! Disgusting challenges, giant bugs, lots of people barfing…perfect place for someone like me! Who could ever keep up with someone as prepared and fearless as me?" She promptly gave an evil laugh…before promptly regaining her perky smile, holding a hand out for the centipede on the tree to climb onto. "Buuuut I wouldn't mind making some friends either. Gets kinda lonely only having bugs and slugs to talk to." She laughed a little, "Hope you guys pick me!"
~~
Chris walked on over to greet the Morbidly Kindhearted, "Welcome, Madd-OH." All of a sudden, he noticed the girl holding large cockroaches in both hands. She simply winked at the host, as if to say that this was just the kind of person she was. "…I see. And welcome to your little bug friends too."
"Thanks, Chris," nodded the dark-skinned bug-lover, walking on over to the other teens…who looked extremely uncomfortable. This was, except for Lia, who simply waved in greeting, Ripper, who grinned smugly, and Scary Girl, who kept her menacing smile plastered on her face.
"I dunno how to feel about this, man," Zee cringed, clutching his soda while Millie scribbled wildly into her notebook.
"And now that we're all slightly closer to death than we were before," Chris went on talking, "Let's introduce the next camper." He glanced towards the next boat, carrying a tall blonde boy with dark skin.
"Here comes Bowie!"
Bowie: The Basketballer
Song: Moonage Daydream – David Bowie
~~
Running through an indoor basketball courtyard, Bowie went on to proudly explain who he was. "I'm Bowie, and I'd be your first openly gay contestant." Skidding to a stop to catch a basketball, he continued "FYI, I'm very competitive." Dunking the basketball with a cheerful 'swish!', he went on boasting, "Last year I was prom king AND queen. You can never have too many crowns!" Spinning a basketball on his finger, he finished his audition with a determined "So, Total Drama, I'm coming for that crown." He threw the basketball behind him once more, and it flew through its hoop as his friends applauded him. Safe to say, Bowie was a talented man!
~~
As Bowie jumped onto the dock, proudly striding to take his place on the opposite side of those already gathered here, Chris turned towards the horizon and began talking once more. "Our next three contestants came as a package deal. You might've heard of them." A boat sped on up to the dock, as three boys cheerfully glided behind it on water-skis.
"Here come Chase, Dexter and Oliver!"
Chase: The Daredevil
Song: DONTTRUSTME – 3OH!3
Dexter: The Prankster
Song: Like a G6 – Far East Movement, The Cataracs, Dev
(Voice: Drew Nelson)
Oliver: The Stunt Artist
Song: Me, Myself and I – G-Eazy, Bebe Rexha
(Voice: Deven Mack)
~~
We saw a shot of a helicopter flying across a city at sunrise. "What's up?" yelled the leader of the three, a tan boy in a red hoodie, "I'm Chase!"
"I'm Dexter," introduced the tallest of the three, a bearded man in a black tank top with slightly lighter skin and tattoos on his arms.
"And I'm Oliver!" greeted the last of the trio, a short boy with the darkest skin of the three, with scruffy black hair under a purple hat with a purple vest to match it, and a skull tattoo on one of his arms, matching well with his pierced ears.
Chase went on to explain, "You probably know us from our livestream…" Then all three boys sang together, "Three Guys and a Girl in a Beach House!"
Dexter suddenly cut in, sounding upset, "Only now it's just 'Three Guys in a Beach House!'"
"Yeah," Oliver groaned in disappointment...and a hint of shame, "Cuz one day, Chase's girlfriend Emma dumped him out of NOWHERE and walked out on us!"
"Yeah, what's with that?!" growled Dexter, "She can't just abandon our series just like THAT, the b-"
"ANYWAY," Chase interrupted the two, "Here's our thing…" We went to a montage of the trio doing crazy stuff like feeding alligators and eating bull testicles. "We prank each other, dare each other to eat crazy stuff, and do wicked stunts!"
We now cut back to the helicopter, as Chase turned to his beach house roommates, "Ready, dudes?"
"Ready!" both Dexter and Oliver shouted back at the same time.
"Let's give our audience a taste of what we do!" Chase declared, "On three!"
"One!" yelled the Prankster!
"Two!" yelled the Stunt Artist!
"THREE!" yelled the Daredevil!
"GEROMINO!" All three boys jumped out of the helicopter, diving towards the swimming pool in their yard!
"WA-HOO!"
SPLASH
As Dexter and Oliver splashed into the water loudly, Chase promptly landed crotch-first onto a crocodile float, wincing. "If you liked this video," he whimpered, "Don't forget to subscribe!" Nobody noticed the boys' helicopter crashing in the background.
~~
"Chris McLean!" Chase called, running onto the dock.
"What is UP, my boy?" Dexter yelled – evidently, indoor voice wasn't a thing for him.
"Let's do this!" Oliver joined the three, pumping his fists excitedly. "WOO!"
Before Chase and his two friends could pump themselves up any more, though, Chris said words they weren't expecting…
"And next up…Emma!"
"What the WHO now?" Chase yelled in disbelief.
Emma: The Party Girl
Song: Gives You Hell – All-American Rejects
~~
"Hey there!" chirped the chubby blonde girl, bouncing up and down on a trampoline, which she had in the middle of her house for some reason. "I'm Emma! I'd be great on Total Drama Island!"
We cut to her sat on a sofa, explaining her past. "I used to be part of a fun livestream with my boyfriend and his buddies doing all these crazy challenges."
We soon panned outside, where Emma was headed to her backyard carrying a bow and arrow set. "I'm not part of that gang anymore, because…" All of a sudden, her voice took on a venomous tone. "My stupid boyfriend Chase is now my stupid EX-boyfriend!" We cut to her shooting the arrows from her bow-and-arrow set at a photo of the Daredevil she had pinned to a target. "And hopefully, I am NEVER…GOING…TO SEE HIM…AGAIN!"
~~
Alas, this didn't seem to be the case, as the first thing Emma saw upon arrival was her ex-boyfriend's ugly mug.
"What…is he…DOING HERE?!" hissed the Party Girl, glaring daggers at the livestreamer.
"Babe?" Chase spoke softly, ignoring her anger, "Is that really you?"
"We could ask you the same question, lowlife cow!" growled Dexter, looking less than happy to see his ex-roommate.
Oliver simply looked uncomfortable, and backed away as Emma promptly leapt over in an attempt to attack Chase and Dexter, only stopped by Chris grabbing hold of her!
Bowie watched on, amused. "Oh, I like this one," he spoke in a hushed, but amused whisper to Ripper.
"Wow. Wow!" laughed Chris, shuffling Emma along next to Bowie as Chase clung to an angry Dexter. "In-tense! You'd almost think we brought you all here on purpose!" He smugly winked as he finished the sentence, much to Emma's annoyance. The sound of another arriving boat caught his attention. "Moving on!"
"Up next, Mary-Kate!"
Mary-Kate/MK: The Pickpocket
Song: Dangerous – Before You Exit
~~
"Hey-a!" greeted the short Asian girl, standing in front of a local drinks store, "Call me MK! People think you win Total Drama Island by being strong, but NAH, people see that!"
We now cut to her sitting inside the store as people passed by. "What you need is a secret talent," she explained, casually sticking her hand behind her as one of the people passed close to her. "Know what mine is?"
As if on cue, one of the people who had walked behind her grumbled "Hey! Where's my wallet?"
Hearing this, MK whipped out said wallet with a smug grin and a laugh, revealing she'd pick-pocketed it from them, "I'm always underestimated!" She cheerfully departed the building, "Yea-yuh! I'm coming for that prize money!"
~~
"Sup, Chris?" greeted the Pickpocket casually as she disembarked her boat.
"All good in the hood," greeted the host, pointing to where Bowie and Emma were standing, "Just other there, please." As MK complied and approached the two, he gazed to the horizon – and the next camper arriving was definitely an eye-catcher…
"And now, Caleb!"
Caleb: The Dreamboat
Song: Superstar – Lupe Fiasco, Matthew Santos
Half of the women – and Bowie – were left awestruck at Caleb's appearance. He was tall, dark-skinned, had fine dark grey hair, and a winning smile that shone in the sun's light.
"Oh my," spoke Priya in awe, hands over her heart.
"Whoa," stuttered Emma, eyes glimmering.
"Hot diggity daffodil," breathed Maddie, clasping her hands together in amazement.
Even two fish that surfaced from the water couldn't help but feel a strong infatuation with the Dreamboat.
CRASH
The poor female intern driving the boat was one of the girls who had her heart taken by Caleb's appearance. Before she knew what was happening, her boat had met violently with the dock.
"Wow," she giggled, before turning around with an apologetic grin. "Sorry, I just, um…I've never seen anyone as handsome as you!"
"No worries," reassured Caleb, causing the intern to blush, "Happens all the time."
"Wow-wee!" Priya sighed, "I'd love to get to know him."
"Same," shrugged Lia, absent-mindedly playing with her hair, "I'm not into guys, though. He's all yours."
Bowie perked up hearing this. "Hey now," he spoke up, "You're gay too?"
"Yeah," Lia responded, giving a happy grin. "I like girls. Always have!"
"Our next two players came as a package deal," Chris began to introduce.
A cry of "Hoot! Hoot!" got everyone's attention, and they turned to see not just one, but two teen boys approaching the dock…
"All the way from Northern Alberta: Wayne and Raj!"
Wayne and Raj: The Hockey Jocks
Wayne's Song: Canadian Idiot – "Weird Al" Yankovic
Raj's Song: Signal Fire – Snow Patrol
Raj's attention was preoccupied by the rushing water beneath the boat. "Dude," he called for Wayne's attention, gazing at his reflection, "Imagine in wintertime, this lake turning to ice!"
Wayne joined Raj in watching the water, chiming in agreement, "Biggest hockey rink ever, bro!" The two hockey players gave goofy laughs as they boarded the docks to greet Chris.
"Sup, man," Raj greeted as his feet met the docks, "We're here, eh."
"Boys," Chris turned to them, pointing to his left, "Your team is over there."
Wayne nodded, "Aw, sweet! Thanks, Coach!"
Wayne and Raj then ran past their team to greet the other team hanging out on the opposite end of the dock. "Guess that makes THIS the other team, then!" Ignoring Axel and Ripper's glares, Wayne turned to Raj, "What you think, Rajie?"
"I'd be more impressed with a clogged toilet," snarked Raj, grinning mischievously.
Ripper fumed. "Oh yeah?" growled the Gross Bully, struggling to find a comeback, "You two aren't...you're both…then look out, cuz…"
"Oh no!" laughed Raj, "I think this half-naked one's broken!"
"Oh, be nice, Rajie!" Wayne laughed too, "Maybe it's his first day with a new mouth-hole!"
Both of the Hockey Jocks now burst out into chortles, infuriating Ripper further. He gave a growl and walked forward as if to give the two a piece of his mind…only for Axel to hold a hand in his way.
"Save it for the game," admonished the Doomsday Prepper, glowering at the furious Ripper.
"Don't tell me what to do-" Ripper tried to interject…only for Axel to give a menacing growl. Nearly 'dropping brown crayons', Ripper shrunk back with a nervous "…I'm gonna save it for the game."
Before things could go any further, Chris now got everyone's attention as he pointed to the newest arrival…
"Our next camper is a bit of a big deal. Welcome Nichelle Ladonna!"
Nichelle: The Movie Star
Song: The Show Must Go On – Queen
"Yes, hi!" Nichelle voiced her presence proudly, "It's me!"
Half of the contestants gazed in awestruck joy at the actress. Bowie voiced his excitement, "Nichelle Ladonna? Star of the hit TV show Hot Teen Ninja Detective Squad!"
"I loved her in Gorgeous People High!" Emma squealed, equally excited to see her.
But no-one on the dock was more excited to see the legendary actress than Priya. "Be cool…" she quietly urged herself, "Be cool, be cool…" Giving up, she squealed at the top of her lungs, flailing her arms wildly, "O-M-G I AM LITERALLY THE BIGGEST FAN EVER!"
Nichelle shrugged it off. "M'kay."
~~
Confessional: Priya
The poor Trained Athlete looked awfully embarrassed. "That was not cool…"
~~
"Okay, is everyone finished peeing themselves in excitement?" Chris interrupted with an annoyed expression, "Cool. Here comes another girl you might've heard of!"
Another boat pulled in, carrying a Latina girl in a yellow and blue overshirt and blue jeans.
"From the Wild Kratts animal rescue team, it's Aviva Corcovado!"
Aviva: The Inventor
Song: Animal – Neon Trees
"Hola, everyone!" greeted Aviva, waving cheerfully to the 19 campers currently present.
"Wow, eh!" Wayne gasped, "Are you really Aviva Corcovado?"
"Friend of the world-famous zoologists the Kratt Brothers?" Millie exclaimed in excitement.
"Well, yeah, that's me!" chuckled the Inventor, "After spending so much of my time saving creatures and inventing crazy Power Suits, I figured a little bit of Total Drama Island would be a nice change of pace!"
Maddie bounced in utter joy, "I'm so excited to get to know you!"
"Yeah," giggled Lia quietly, hiding her blush as she gazed at the lovable Latina. "…Me too."
Before anyone could say anything else, another boat now pulled in as Chris approached the edge of the dock to greet the next camper…
"Our next arrival is Julia!"
Julia: The Influencer
Song: Love the Way You Hate Me – Like a Storm
~~
"So, little bit about me!" began the blonde-haired girl as she started recording her audition video. "I think this show is SUCH an amazing platform for me to share my personal light and positive energy with the world!"
As Julia went on speaking, we went through numerous cuts of her in peaceful or fashionable environments, all matching her overall calm vibe. "I'm an influencer," she continued explaining. "I'm a Mandy Belleville brand ambassador and a proud citizen of Mother Earth." Giving an excited smile to the camera, she went on "I can't wait to embark on my Total Drama journey of self-discovery!"
"Live in the sunshine."
"Swim in the sea."
"Drink the wild air."
"Crystals are real."
"Prayer hands emoji."
~~
"Welcome, Julia," greeted Chris, "You can join the others-"
Before Chris could finish his sentence, Julia swooped in with a phone in one hand while using her free arm to put around Chris. "Sorry, could you…"
Click!
"Thanks!" Julia expressed gratitude for Chris' unwilling participation in her selfie, before putting focus on sending that selfie to her TikSchlokk account. "Growing! #MyJourneyBegins!"
Chris was not going to stand for this. "Um," he called her attention, "Remember the legal bla-bla contract you signed? There was that bit about no phones on the island?"
Chris' statement soon peaked Julia's concern. "But how am I supposed to grow as a person if I'm not telling my followers I'm growing as a person?" she asked in worry.
Chris didn't bother to mince words. "That is a question for someone who cares about that question." Chef approached the Influencer with a box. "Give Chef your phone, please," prompted the host.
"Fine," groaned Julia, dropping her phone into the box. "I'm stronger than you think."
"Wonderful," Chris smiled, before calling her attention once more. "Now all your phones."
Julia winced, before dropping two more phones into Chef's box. As they hit the carboard surface, she sighed, "That's it. I swear on the planet."
Chris wasn't convinced. He pulled out a metal detector and used it to scan Julia, looking entirely unsurprised when it beeped. "On the planet, huh?" he snarked.
Finally giving up, Julia dropped one more phone into Chef's box with a scowl.
"That's gotta sting," Maddie couldn't help sympathizing with the Influencer.
Julia gazed sadly at her phones sitting in the box. "Bye, babies," she whimpered, "Don't worry. Mummy will be back for you."
"Don't fret!" Chris called to her, "Your phones will be safe…" He gave a pause, before cheerily yelling "At the bottom of this lake!"
To Julia's alarm, Chef then tossed the box of phones far away, listening as a loud splash sounded in the distance. All Julia could do now was scream in shock and dismay.
"That move was so cold you could hang ball caps on my nipples!" winced Wayne, pointing at his chest with both hands for emphasis.
"Now, we have one more contestant joining us," Chris called for everyone's attention once more, most of them forgetting about the untimely demise of Julia's phones. And she was an immediate eye-catcher.
"The one and only Candy the Crusher!"
Candy: The Competitive Eater
Song: Eat It – Weird Al Yankovic
Voice: Nicki Burke
~~
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT'S GOOOOOOOOOOD, CANDITES?" roared Candy, throwing the horns with both her hands. To say she was a unique character would be understating it. Her hair was a bright neon pink color, matching her pink overshirt that covered a white-and-red-striped sleeveless shirt. She also wore light purple shorts, pink socks and red sneakers, all garnished with pink heart earrings.
"IT'S YOUR GIRL, CANDY THE CRUSHER!" Candy went on yelling. "You know me as TikSchlokk's number one account for all manner of crazy food challenges!"
We went through a montage of Candy's many food challenge videos. "Anything you can think of, I've eaten. Rotted, maggot-filled cheese? No problem. Mountains of lutefisk? Easy-peasy. And you bet your bum that I've ripped through millions of spicy wings!"
Her blue eyes pulsed with excitement as she went on talking. "No matter what challenges Chris has in store for me, I'm confident that with an attitude like mine, I'll get through this season no problem!" She now flexed her muscles, hollering as loud as she could, "BRING IT, MCLEAN!"
~~
"WHATTUP, PUNKS AND PUNK-ESSES?" bellowed Candy as she leapt onto the dock, "Are you ready to have your bums whooped?"
"Well, she's totally not gonna be obnoxious at all," snarked Bowie, looking unimpressed.
As Chris led Candy to her team, she zipped up between Wayne and Raj. "Well, Candites," she told them, "Looks like you're gonna be my friends while I'm here!" She gave both Hockey Jocks a hard slap on the back, sending them both to the floor. Not noticing, she went on, "Are you pumped? CUZ I'M SURE AS HECK PUMPED!"
"We get it…" muttered Julia, still bitter about her lost phones.
"Alright, that's enough, everyone!" Chris yelled loud enough so he could be heard over Candy's usual shouting. "We have a show that needs to get going. It's time for the team names.
Walking between the two groups of eleven teens, Chris turned to one of the groups and began to call their names…
"Priya."
"Millie."
"Damien."
"Scary Girl."
"Axel."
"Lia."
"Chase."
"Ripper."
"Maddie."
"Zee."
"And Aviva."
"Your team will now be known as…" Chef walked up to them and unfurled a logo of an angry-looking fish. "…the Ferocious Trout!"
"Wa-wa-wait," Aviva questioned, looking at Chris quizzically, "I don't think trout are known for being particularly 'ferocious'…"
"If it works for Chris, it works for me," Priya responded, giving a shrug.
Ignoring this, Chris turned to the other 11 campers, and called their names too…
"Bowie."
"Wayne."
"Raj."
"Candy."
"Caleb."
"MK."
"Julia."
"Dexter."
"Oliver."
"Emma."
"And Nichelle."
"From here on out, your team will be known as…" Chef now turned to them and unfurled a logo of a frog with a skull emblazoned on it. "…the Frogs of Death!"
"HEY!" growled Dexter, "What the heck, man?! I can't be with Emma!"
"Well, same to you, punk," the Party Girl snarled, "The further I am from anyone from that beach house the better!"
"I can swap with Dexter if you like," Scary Girl cut in, "I wanna be in the team that has 'death' in the name!"
An airhorn interrupted all this. "Ooh, honky honky!" giggled Lia in excitement after the ear-piercing noise ceased.
"ZIP IT," Chris yelled, "All teams are final."
Chris now turned to Chef, "Care to describe what this game is all about?"
Priya attempted to speak up, "Well we kind of already kno-"
Chef ignored this, and cleared his throat, before beginning to explain. "So, Trouts and Frogs…your teams will compete head-to-head in challenges. If your team wins, you're all safe."
Chris skidded next to Chef now, "The losing team, however, will attend a marshmellow ceremony at the firepit, where they'll vote on which team member is the loseriest loser of the losers, and that person is eliminated."
"They will immediately need to head to the Dock of Shame and be flown home by the Drone of Despair," Chef finished the explanation.
Chris sighed in glee. "I get such joy seeing you accomplish nothing except hurting yourselves…for my entertainment."
Damien couldn't help but flinch at this. "Hi, sorry, can I ask something?" he chuckled nervously, "How are we…getting hurt?"
"He's never seen the show," Chris whispered to Chef.
Even Chef flinched in pity, "Oh, that poor, poor, sweet child."
Shaking this off, Chris now declared "You'll find your cabins marked with your team flag. Take some time to settle in."
*Commercial break*
As the break ends, we fade in upon the Ferocious Trout cabin. The girls crowded around the numerous bunk beds.
"Wowzie!" chortled Lia, "They totally nailed the summer camp feel."
"Yeah," Maddie agreed with the Quirky Loon, putting a hand upon one of the beds. "These beds are all dark and muddy and full of weird smells."
Priya passed by the two girls and sat upon a bed, "This one's perfect!" She prepared to make herself comfortable…until all of a sudden…
"BELLY-FLOP!" yelled Lia, leaping onto the bed Priya had sat upon face first.
Priya flinched a little in surprise. "Oh, uh," she stuttered, "I'll leave you to it. I'll find a different bed."
"How about this one?" Aviva called Priya's attention, "This one looks good eno-"
"I'll take the top!" Axel interrupted the Inventor, throwing her bag of supplies upon the top bunk, almost causing the bed to fall apart.
Aviva yelped a little, before promptly pointing to another bed. "On second thought, how about that one?"
Priya glanced at the bed Aviva had pointed out. "Oh yeah," she giggled, "This one looks nice!"
However, as Priya sat down, who else should appear but Scary Girl, lying on the top bunk. The Psychopath gave a menacing grin, "Do you…scream in your sleep?"
Priya paused a moment to process the disturbing question, before responding "…no."
"We'll see," squeaked Scary Girl in response, before seemingly vanishing from sight.
An awkward pause now cropped up between Priya and Aviva. "…Maybe…" Aviva thought a little, scanning the room, before pointing at the bunk bed near the window. "…Try the one way over there?"
"Alrighty…" Priya gulped, before approaching it and sitting down gently. She sighed in satisfaction, "Uh-huh! Yep!" She laid back, allowing herself to get comfortable, "You were right, Aviva! This one's way be-"
SNAP
The mattress she'd lay upon suddenly folded together, crushing poor Priya between the two different halves!
"Um…" Aviva mumbled awkwardly, "I'll…go take the bunk above Lia."
~~
Confessional: Aviva
Aviva rubbed the back of her head nervously, "Maybe this show wasn't such a good idea." She folded her arms now, "But sometimes I need a break from the whole creature-rescue affair. Don't get me wrong, I love animals, but ay dios mio having to worry about Zach Varmitech's antics is just a little too stressful to me." She waved to the camera, "Hola, Chris and Martin! Hope everything's good!"
~~
On the men's side of the Ferocious Trout cabin…
"This one fits well enough," Ripper thought aloud as he picked up a blue sweater on one of the beds and put it on. "I was getting cold without a shirt."
As the Gross Bully made himself comfortable, Zee entered the cabins and advanced towards the nearby bed. "Hey!" Ripper called the Soda Junkie's attention, "I called dibs on the bed by the window!"
Zee mumbled a little, "I didn't hear you call it. Sorry, dude." He turned to the Gross Bully, "So, do you want the top or the bottom?"
Ripper grabbed an unbothered-looking Zee by the shoulders. "I want whichever one you want!" He pounded his fists together, "Maybe we should fight for it!"
Zee paused for a moment with an "Um…" Then, the Soda Junkie simply walked past him, "I'll just take a different bed."
Ripper watched him smugly, taking this as a victory. "Yeah. You will. Good call, Zee. Good call."
~~
Confessional: Ripper
"BOOM, baby!" cheered the Gross Bully proudly, "NOBODY messes with an alfalfa male like me!" He folded his arms smugly, "This season is in the bag!"
~~
While Ripper tried to take charge and Priya struggled with her bed, the Frogs of Death cabin seemed to be in a better state of affairs…
In the boys' side, the Hockey Jocks and Caleb were making themselves at home.
"Our team has some real hotties," Wayne chirped.
"For sure, eh!" Raj agreed.
"No kidding!" Caleb chimed in.
"Okay," a fourth voice joined them, and the three boys turned to see Bowie standing in the doorway. He shined his purple heart-shaped shades off, "If you're gonna be talking about me, I'll give you some privacy." He left the scene, leaving the three boys alone with their thoughts.
~~
Confessional: Caleb
"So, here's the thing," Caleb started explaining, "I've been told time and time again how handsome I am. And while it is flattering," He flushed a little, "I've never really had much luck with dating. Mostly cuz girls mostly see the hunk of muscles and never really anyone else." He rubbed the back of his head. "What I want most is someone who likes me for me, and who isn't afraid to tell me when I goof up. Cuz…" He blushed a little more. "That does happen. I'm not the brightest."
~~
In the girls' half of the cabin, Julia cheerfully popped some bright pink dog-roses into a vase she brought into the cabin with her. "So much more aesthetic now, right?" she asked MK, "Flowers always make my soul feel happy.
As Julia distracted herself while she went in to smell them, MK quietly snuck her hand into one of the Influencer's pockets. "Oh yeah," she chuckled as she slid something into her own pocket, "I'm much happier no-"
All of a sudden, the door burst open as Candy now slid in.
"HEYA BUDDIES! IT'S LUNCH TIIIIIME!" screeched the Competitive Eater, not noticing as MK, Julia, Emma and Nichelle all covered their ears in pain. A window cracked at the sound of her ear-splitting voice, and the animals nearby turned their head in shock.
An awkward silence now followed, before Candy noticed the broken window. "Oh," she laughed nervously, turning to the camera, "Sorry about the broken window, producers."
~~
Confessional: Julia
Julia moaned, palming her face. "How long do I have to be stuck on the island with Candy?" She massaged her temples. "I dunno if I can handle dealing with her lack of indoor voice every morning."
Confessional: MK
"YEA-YUH!" cheered MK, revealing she'd swiped a phone from Julia's pocket, "Poor Julia thought she could sneak in another cell phone? Well, leave it to lil ol' me to notice!"
~~
Five minutes later, the 22 teens had all gathered in the Mess Hall, as Chef started working on his trademark slop.
"So excited!" cheered Candy, "My followers on TikSchlokk are gonna love seeing me demolish what they're cooking up!"
"Ohoh, dude!" Wayne cheered, "I can't believe we're gonna get to know a competitive eater!"
"Absolutely, eh!" Raj whooped, "Competitive eating is totally my second favorite sport."
Meanwhile, Bowie had allowed himself to sit next to a grumpy-looking Emma. "Soooo," he inquired, "Your ex. What's up with that?"
"I cannot believe Chase and his buddies are here," muttered Emma, "And even moreso, I can't believe Dexter and Oliver are on my team!" She folded her arms grumpily, "This was meant to be my competition."
"C'mon, let it out," Bowie prompted, "Tell us everything."
"I don't want to get into i-" Emma attempted to state…
SPLAT
Before Emma could finish her sentence, a pile of Chef's slop hit her in the face.
"HAHA!" laughed Dexter, "Got you so good!" He turned to Oliver, "Wasn't that awesome?"
Oliver chuckled nervously, "Uh…Yeah, totally!" The Stunt Artist sheepishly gave his fellow live-streamer a high five.
Bowie wasn't gonna stand for this maltreatment. "Hey, back off, bozos!" yelled the Basketballer, before promptly tossing his own slop across the table, right into Dexter's face.
Emma laughed as the Prankster yelled in fury. "Nice shot!" She now admitted, "Well, I can tell you this. When I win the million, I'm donating half of it to an animal hospital."
Bowie couldn't help but coo, feeling his icy heart be warmed by Emma's declaration. "That is something I would never do!"
~~
Confessional: Bowie
"An alliance starts with two people," the Basketballer spoke his mind, "And I like Emma's vibe. She's athletic AND a little spicy." He gave a confident shrug, "That's the kind of person I'd like to work alongside."
~~
"Man, this doesn't look very yummy-yummy at all," cringed Lia, poking at the slop Chef had served with a fork. "What's even IN this stuff?"
"Whatever it is," groaned Millie, "It doesn't look to be part of the four major food groups."
"Oh, please," laughed Ripper, nonchalantly gulping down spoonfuls of the…substance, "The only major food group to me is 'tasty', and this passes my test with flying colors!"
Lia and Millie were left in stunned silence, before Lia awkwardly giggled, "Well…I'm glad you're happy."
~~
Confessional: Millie
She groaned, palming her face. "Man, even this generation's food taste is headed for the toilet…"
~~
Lia walked to the other side of the Trout's dinner table, where Aviva was sitting. "How are you holding up?"
Aviva was currently poking away at the sloppy pile of food with a look of disgust on her face. "About as well as I can," she responded with a shrug. "Although this 'food' if you can call it that isn't really my idea of a meal."
The Quirky Loon gave a laugh. "Yeah, I can usually stomach a lot, but this is just a bit much for me." Wanting to get off the disgusting subject, she asked, "So…you're from the Wild Kratts team?"
"Well, yeah," Aviva nodded in response, "I helped build the Tortuga transport machine, I make all manner of Creature Power Suits, and I help Chris and Martin protect animals and nature from people who want to mess with it."
"Wow," Lia exclaimed in amazement, "That's super noble of you!" She blushed a little, "I could never pull anything like that off. I mean, I'm always paranoid about how the onion people will rise from the soil and enslave all of humanity. I wouldn't be much good in helping animals."
Aviva couldn't help cracking up at Lia's weird comment. "You're funny, though! Give yourself that."
Lia blushed a bit more. "I-heh. Thanks. It means a lot."
~~
Confessional: Lia
Facing towards the back wall of the confessional bathroom, Lia clapped her hands in excitement. "Gross food aside, I'm super glad I signed up for this show! Everyone seems really nice." She tapped her head a little, "I wonder if I'll get to know everyone properly before one of us gets voted off?" She laughed shyly, "I'd especially like to get to know Aviva. She seems really sweet and fun-erriffic and it also helps that she's cute and-" All of a sudden, a realization. "Wait, am I facing the wrong way?" She turned to face the camera with an awkward expression.
~~
The screech of a tannoy system caught everyone's attention.
"Oh, thank lord," groaned Damien, dropping his fork, "I would've died if I had to eat another bite.
"Yeah," whimpered Maddie, watching some maggots squirming on her spoon, "And so would these cute little maggots!" She didn't notice Damien giving her a baffled look.
"Attention, campers!" Chris' familiar voice sounded, "Iiiiiiiit's challenge time! Meet me at the beach!"
"Oh geez," Mille gulped, "What do you think's gonna happen?"
"Hey, it's our first challenge, brah," Zee responded, "I don't think we'll be doing anything too crazy, man."
Five minutes later, everyone was staring down an obstacle course full of pits of scorching coals, hornet hives, and rabid lobster cages.
"Of course, I've been wrong before," Zee admitted, giving a nervous chuckle.
"Next time on Total Drama Island..." Chris' narration sounded on a shot of the island, before we segued into a series of previews from the next episode.
"This challenge is about learning to communicate and trust your new teammates," Chef explained as the campers stared at the obstacle course ahead of them.
"Ouch! Ouch!" yelled Chase and Ripper, covered in angry lobsters pinching hard upon their bodies.
"That looked like it hurt!" winced Damien, looking worried.
"Oh come on, babe," complained Chase, "Why are you so mad at me?"
Emma practically screeched in fury, "ARE YOU KIDDING?!"
And this was followed by MK sitting in the confessional, looking disturbed and only saying three words...
"What. The. Heck."
To Be Continued…
Author's Note:
Okay, this is kind of a new thing for me. And I'm nervous as frick not gonna lie. Buuuuuut I really enjoyed the new TD season, and I wanted to give my own fresh take on it.
First of all, this is gonna be a 26-episode season. Yes, this means new challenges. Which I'm kind of worried about lmao. I mostly like writing for character interactions, so stuff like challenges are a weak spot for me. But you never know if you don't go. I just hope you like the challenges I came up with.
Second of all, six new characters yay! Two sort-of-canonical, three OCs, and a crossover guest too. Rounding out the cast to an even 22, like the first season. Time to introduce them.
Dexter and Oliver: I'm giving my own take on who the two guys from Chase's beach house were like. You might be surprised by their behavior, you might not. And I'm aware one of them might be ESPECIALLY unlikable haha. We'll see how long that lasts. Hold on tight, cuz with them on her team, Emma's kind of in a tough situation…
Lia: I've LONG struggled with coming up with OCs for this show that I wanted to keep. But I came up with Lia earlier this year and I actually found myself sticking with her. She's fun, quirky, and I REALLY enjoy writing her silly one-liners and general nuttiness. Of course, she's a bit more than her cloud-cuckoo-landiness, so keep an eye out for potential character development!
Maddie: An older OC of mine that I had in my drafts, and when I started working on this I decided to blow the dust off her and put her in the cast! She's not quite as…out there as Lia, but she's still "nOt LiKe OtHeR gIrLs" if you will. I got inspired for her when I came across the Bogleech website as a teenager. Although I'm a bit scared of bugs in real life haha, I really admired the website creator's admiration for all forms of creepy, slimy stuff, and I wanted to portray that passion in a character. I have a BUNCH of headcanons I have about her, and we'll see if I can end up revealing them in future episodes.
Candy: It actually wasn't long ago that I came up with this character. But after finding some food challenge videos on YouTube, I, as a food lover myself, decided to come up with a character based on that. I don't wanna spoil too much, but she'll wind up being something of a foil towards Julia, if you get my drift. Also given her behavior in this chapter, I anticipate that you either love her or are utterly annoyed by her, let's say "personality". If I get reviews where people are either excited about her or want her as the first boot, I can safely say I've done my job /hj
Aviva: It's a crossover character! So, earlier in 2023, I found this cartoon called Wild Kratts. Aviva is this inventor character who helps create powerful animal-inspired "Power Suits" with animal powers. I've always liked her a lot and found her quite underrated, and upon thinking, I think she'd be perfect for the Total Drama setting. Only real sticking point is that her age is really vague – no-one can tell if she's 16 or 32 or w/e haha. But I assume she's 16 until canonical notice (it's how she appears and sounds after all – hell she's even voiced by Athena Karkanis who did Anne Maria, and Aviva just gives overall teen prodigy vibes), and if not, well consider this an AU where she's that age cuz how else is she gonna fit in Total Drama lmao.
But yes, that's the basic gist here! I hope what I come up with pleases you. This is definitely a new experience for me, but I've had fun so far and I hope you'll have fun too!
I'll be seeing you for the next chapter. Until then, here's some questions for my reviewers:
1. Who's your favorite of the six new characters?
2. What kind of new challenges do you expect?
3. What ships do you think will happen?
4. Who do you think is getting first boot?
Until then, I'm signing off! Remember, go play Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled!