Round 4: Luigi vs. Donkey Kong
Quinn sunk into his tournament routine. Shower, brush teeth, change into a freshly pressed gi, polish a brand new set of glasses that had been mailed to him by Master Hart, and head down the stairs. Except, when he joined the parade, all the conversation stopped.
"I wasn't expecting to see him alive," Ritcher snarked.
"I heard that Rosalina had to leverage her alliance with the Mushroom Kingdom to keep him in the tournament," Torri the Inkling whispered.
"Well, I heard…" Wendy began before Sans cut her off.
"I HEARD THEY USE GREEN SCREENS AT BASEBALL STADIUMS," he bellowed.
Wendy pursed her lips, glaring at the skeleton with disgust, "What?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were talking about things that were completely irrelevant," Sans shrugged, "Everybody go about your damn business. That's an order that comes from up top."
The conversation shifted to what it had been about before as Altair swooped into Sans' opposite side, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you for defusing the situation," Altair said, "This gossip is nonsense. What Quinn did was the correct course of action, and this war effort is so unwieldy it is also nonsense."
"Blame Ryu for that one," Sans laughed.
The three left the Residency Hall, descending the stairs. Quinn was immediately enveloped in a hug by Rosalina.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice unusually hoarse.
"I know," Quinn said, "It's okay. I can deal with it, you don't have to cry for me."
"We happen to agree with your course of action Rosalina, even if the gossip has taken the story far out of hand."
Sans nodded, but a booming voice interrupted the proceedings.
"MY PUPIL," Zangief roared, "I HOPE I AM NOT INTERRUPTING FRATERNIZATION WITH THE WOMEN DA!"
Rosalina unwrapped herself from him, allowing him to see an elated-looking Zangief and an aggravated Rainbow Mika sulking alongside him.
"No, you aren't, but…what are you doing here?"
"WE WILL ASSIST WITH ZE ENTRANCE IN TRIBUTE TO COMRADES GORDY AND COMRADE BUDDY!"
Sans snorted and laughed, "Comrade Buddy? And I thought Toby had some dumb names for characters."
"I'm more interested in Comrade Gordy," Rosalina giggled, "Makes me want to bake some pumpkin seeds."
As the six-headed towards the Dining Hall, Quinn's eyes widened, "You can do that?"
"Yes!" Rosalina squealed, "It's so good! I'll make you some after this round, to make up for everything."
"You ain't gotta make up shit," Quinn said flatly.
"I know but…"
As they sat down to their Power Pelet breakfast, Rainbow Mika huffed, "I think you should've been expelled, personally."
Rosalina immediately tensed as Zangief put a hand on the masked wrestler's shoulder, "Mika, let us not break up like comrades Rollins, Reigns, and Ambrose, especially not before…"
"The rules were defined clearly by Miss Kanzuki and Mister Mario. You should've been able to deal with the lack of information from us."
Zangief swallowed an enormous bite of Power Pellet glaring daggers at his pupil.
"Bah, socks to that capitalist wench." he snorted.
Mika gasped so dramatically that Rosalina nearly dropped her fork, "How dare you speak of Miss Kanzuki…"
"If I had my way, we would all learn from one another as our forefathers intended, but the spoiled brat must make everything a competition." explained Zangief "Besides, her womanly wiles cloud your head Comrade Rainbow. It is why I insist upon a vow of celibacy for all trainees. Now, you will focus on Comrade Marmaduke's promo and entrance, and that is an order."
Mika's head hung, "Yes sir Mister Zangief."
At that moment, Mario walked into the room, "We're doing things a little differently. We won't be bringing food to the Smashers Box, as we'll be having intermissions between each of the six matches, and then having a team brunch after."
"What's the deal with the Mii?" Larry Koopa asked.
"He's grounded to his room for the day tomorrow," Mario said quickly.
"Why is this a punishable offense?" asked Miss Trainer, "I'd like to meet Ryu's friends."
A clamor began before Ryu cleared his throat.
"I have asked that they train in secret, due to the power levels of some of those involved, much as we train privately."
That cut the clamor, Mario nodded, "Thank you, Ryu, please wrap up your breakfasts, we're doing interviews and then heading out.
Quinn was all too familiar with this process. As he shuffled further down the queue, Ken clasped a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey kid," he whispered, "No hard feelings."
"Thanks,"
They sat and stood in silence the rest of the way. As Wolf sauntered out of the interview room, Zangief and Mika edged their way in. Nikki sighed.
"It's that time huh?" Nikki sighed from behind her laptop
Zangief seemed to swell with pride, "Da! Do you have the music we picked!"
Another sigh crawled out of Nikki's diaphragm.
"Let me show you how to cut a promo, my pupil!" Zangief boomed, "Hit the music!"
Outside Smash Stadium
30 minutes later
Like a veritable army, the Mii Brawler school headed for the stadium entrance, headed by Master Hart. The weathered martial artist heard the whispers about Quinn. The news had broken on the celebrity gossip channel earlier yesterday evening and descended from there.
"Hey, do you think we can start calling him Quinn-criminal?" said a mohawked teenager in a school uniform.
Hart shook his head, walking through the crowd. Each student's ID was scanned, and an attendant silently took up the front of the line, leading them to their usual luxury box.
It was only when he took his seat that Riddle slid into the one next to him.
"Do you think this one will get to him cuz?" asked Riddle.
Hart shook his head, "Nah. I hear he's been training with the Street Fighter contingent. Plus, the way he went after Sans tells me he's gotten past whatever anxieties he had."
"Okey, dokey bro!" Riddle said, his attention immediately drawn to his opposite side as Sally beckoned for him.
I hope, Hart sighed as the stadium flared to life.
"Long ago, 12 fighters were forged in fire, pitted against each other to determine the best among them," a deep-voiced announcer began.
"FALCON PUNCH!" cried an archived clip of Captain Falcon, driving his signature blow into Pikachu.
"HIYAH!" Fox cried, the Fire Fox barrelling him into Ness.
"PK FIRE!" Ness shouted, countering the move with his most famous attack.
The screen went black.
"But now, a new 12 stand tall," the announcer growled
Luigi's Green Missile, Donkey Kong's Giant Punch, Zelda's Din's Fire, Ganondorf's Warlock Punch, Red's team's Triple Finish, Wolf firing from his blaster, Ken's Hadoken, Quinn's Suplex Cloud carving someone up with Omnislash, Banjo-Kazooie's Wonder Wing, Dante firing a rocket launcher, and Sephiroth lazily flicking away Firaga. All of these played in rapid succession over Run by Day of Fire.
"Who will move onto the next round of Super Smash Brothers Ultimate?" roared the announcer.
With that, fireworks erupted around the massive stadium, the crowd's anticipation echoing loudly in a den of noise.
"It started with twelve, now twelve remain!" 9-Volt shouted, "I'm 9-Volt, here with my partner in crime Cranky Kong."
"12 remain, but only two of the Original 12 remain, tragic," Cranky whined.
"At least one of them is your grandson, Donkey Kong, who takes on Luigi."
"My boy's on a freight train of momentum but I have to admit, Luigi's stepped up," Cranky boasted proudly, "Two of the oldest dogs in the yard vie for supremacy one more time."
"It's also a clash of Hylian proportions as Zelda takes on Ganondorf!" 9-Volt excitedly announced
"The streets say that Ganondorf's been more ruthless than ever, even going as far as to usurp leadership of the Yiga Clan. What does that mean for the fair princess?"
"But that's not all!" 9-Volt shouted, "A refocused Red takes on the crafty Wolf O'Donnell."
"Is it time for yet another Banana Bird-forsaken Flare Blitz Party, or does Wolf have something up his sleeve? Now, here's one I'm excited about, the good-two-shoes turned delinquent Quinn takes on his brother in assholes, Street Fighter Ken!"
"Ugh, you're already off on one," 9-Volt said, "Anyway, we also have Cloud vs. Banjo-Kazooie, which some might say is the most anticipated match of the round!"
Cranky blew a raspberry, "Ugh, two of the author's overhyped favorites are about to go at it in some anime-inspired nonsense. I've got my NyQuill ready."
"You aren't cooking chicken in it are you?" joked 9-Volt.
"What? No! What kind of idiot would do that?" Cranky snapped.
\ "Anyway, our main event sees two powerhouses go out it, Dante and Sephiroth."
"Sephiroth has barely taken any damage, but Dante's a tank. Will the One-Winged King be dethroned?" Cranky asked.
"So with that in mind," 9-Volt said, rubbing his hands together gleefully, "Let's throw to our first video package of the evening!"
Luigi fired off his legendary "Bang bang" taunt on one side of the screen, while Donkey Kong flexed his massive biceps on the other. The screen flashed to Donkey Kong rubbing a hand on his chin looking contemplative.
"I never thought I'd be up here with you," he growled.
Luigi's face appeared next, his eyes wide with nervous anticipation as he spoke, "I'd never thought I'd be here at all."
Now Donkey Kong was back, "Of all the people in The 12, you're the one that stands in my way of claiming the throne once and for all. You. Mario's lesser brother."
"I mean, I hear that Donkey Kong's been struggling in training, but that's no reason to put on an act like this," Luigi's interview was edited in.
"This serves a dual purpose. To prove I'm the best, and to prove that I'm strong enough to bulldoze you like I have all the others."
"I caught wind of your little warm match last night. Terry, nor the Koopas can-a save you. This is my moment."
"Nuh-uh Greenie," Donkey Kong spat through gritted teeth, "Just like your brother's parties, just like tennis, just like baseball, I'm gonna stomp you. This is my moment."
"Old hatreds bubbling to the surface in the heat of the moment," 9-Volt explained.
"I mean, it's obvious that my boy has been stronger than all the shrimpy royals in our world since he was knee-high to a grasshopper," Cranky bragged, "But of course, we gotta let our colleague, the Fourth Wall Wrecking Ball, Futaba Sakura get her two yen in."
"The Fourth Wall Wrecking Ball?" gasped Futaba as she appeared on the screen.
Her slackjawed expression turned into an evil grin.
"Nyeh heh heh heh!" she chortled, "Thanks old man, I'll use that one. Anyway, I predict Donkey Kong will win this!"
In the Smashers' Box, Cranky and 9-Volt's usual bickering was drowned out by a clamor. Some were pro-Donkey Kong, some were pro-Luigi the loudest of which is Daisy.
"WHAT? C'MON!" she screeched, "WEEGEE'S SO GOT THIS!"
"Dear please calm…" Peach began.
"NO! I WON'T!" Daisy snapped, "DK'S GONNA EAT HIS WORDS, AND MY MAN'S GONNA BE THE TRUE CHAMPION OF THE OGs!"
As Luigi began to make his entrance, conducting as the crowd hummed along, Daisy put her face up to the glass of the corporate box, humming aggressively.
"What is that woman's problem?" Vergil hissed.
"Let me tell you, somethin' brother," Incineroar glared at the wielder of Yamato, "The only power greater than the embarrassment of losing a tournament, or the power of Incin-Insanity, is the power of love dude,"
As Vergil rolled his eyes to the chuckles of those in earshot, Donkey Kong entered with his boombox. However, unlike usual, he marched straight to the ring instead of bobbing to Donkey Kong Country's opening theme. As soon as DK gave his boombox to an attending Wire Frame, Mills Frames appeared through the floor to the delight of the crowd. As Mills began the introductions, the two stood poised to fight, not showing an ounce of fear.
"Five stocks?" yawned Pacman, parroting Mills' call "Glad I'm out."
Luigi and Donkey Kong refused the handshake, as the video board looming over them flared to life, revealing Mario Circuit as the field of battle!
"Yooo, shout out to Peach's spring home!" Daisy shouted, finally removing her face from the glass.
"How many of those places do you have ma'am?" balked Captain Falcon, "I thought you just had the one."
Peach giggled, shaking her head, "No. The one where Bowser hid the power stars in paintings is my main home. I also have two others, the one that all of the Mario Kart circuits are built around, and the one where Buckenberry had to assist Mario and Luigi."
"Man, and I've only got the two places in the Bahamas and Aspen," Ken jokingly stamped his foot, "I gotta step up my game."
The room was silenced when the schematics of the fight appeared on the screen.
Stage: Mario Circuit
Rules: 5-Stock, items high
Music: Mario Circuit
3
Luigi sprung out of a pipe, firing the finger guns one more time.
2
Donkey Kong burst out of a barrel.
1
Luigi executed a trio of Hindu Squats, DK simply snorted, unimpressed by the gesture
GO!
Immediately, a string of curses through from Donkey Kong, who had fallen victim to Luigi's running, flailing punches. As he fell, his leg fur was singed by two fireballs projected in rapid succession. Donkey Kong jumped up to the top platform. Like a moth to the flame, Luigi followed. DK channeled his chi, and paired the incoming flip kick.
"Stupid. Predictable," huffed Donkey Kong.
Clapping his hands above him squished Luigi, but the follow-up arching swipe was parried.
"I can do that too big guy," snapped Luigi.
Driving his hips into Donkey Kong's hulking frame knocked the monkey away, but as soon as he landed, the primate opponent was within arm's reach, successfully sweeping at his legs.
"It's his reach that'll net my boy the duke," hooted Cranky, "It's just the sweet science baby!"
The platform's angle and shape changed, now perpendicular to the race track, the platform changing to multiple platforms took Luigi's expected footing out from underneath him, sending him right into an arching swat from Donkey Kong's meaty paws. As he was launched up, Luigi saw a Beastball spawn into existence. He grabbed it before DK even noticed, throwing it down. The ball disappeared, reappearing as a scorching comet, conking DK on the head.
"All that sweet science isn't gonna do a thing if Luigi keeps being resourceful!" 9-Volt shouted as Cranky grumbled angrily.
As if on cue, Luigi darted for an Assist Trophy. Holding it aloft just as the platform began to cycle to its next location revealed Doctor Wily.
"Oh great, it's Doctor Wahwee," groaned Cranky.
"Didn't you make that joke last time?" 9-Volt asked.
"It's old but gold, just like me," shouted the old simian.
The elemental blasts of the mad doctor, plus a barrage of Luigi Tornados, piled the damage high. Doctor Wily's spinning ship colliding with DK while he was encased in ice was the exclamation point, as he was sent to the Blast Zone!
Luigi: 5
Donkey Kong: 4
"C'mon big man," Luigi taunted, bouncing on his toes, "Thought you knew how to do this."
Donkey Kong simply gritted his teeth, his vigor breaking for a split second when Luigi picked up another Assist Trophy, this time revealing Bomberman. A bomb immediately knocked Donkey Kong into Doctor Wily's last barrage. A jump to avoid any more peril left DK open for a trio of flip kicks from Luigi. The King of the Jungle's bad luck didn't end there, as he fell into another bomb placed by Bomberman/
"Unbelievable!" shouted Cranky, "DK's damage is already in the high seventies! What is this nonsense?"
"This is Super Smash Brothers baby!" 9-Volt cheered.
Among Bomberman's final, poorly placed bombs, Donkey Kong and Luigi exchanged punches. At first, the tussle was a stalemate, but a swift uppercut from Donkey Kong caused Luigi to stagger, but he remained on his feet. The platform had changed in the fracas. They now stood on a rail on the twisting track. DK charged, hurriedly trying to close the distance, but Luigi pulled out his Poultergust before DK could blink, a plunger snapping the unfortunate ape close, and making him easy pickings to throw into the Blast Zone!
Luigi: 5
Donkey Kong: 3
"What did I say about sweet science Cranky?" teased 9-Volt.
"Yeah yeah…" Cranky mumbled
The platform moved to its next location, taking its original shape At that moment, a Pokeball appeared across the stage from Luigi. Donkey Kong grinned. Luigi froze.
"Oh no," whispered the younger Mario Brother.
Donkey Kong jumped off the revival platform, landing at the Pokeball faster than Luigi's legs could ever carry him. Donkey Kong threw it down, a Bewear appeared out of it. With a happy coo, the bear stalked toward the frozen Luigi. Two uppercuts caught Luigi, sending him to the top Blast Zone.
Luigi: 4
Donkey Kong: 3
A Smash Ball flopped to the bottom Platform, Luigi jumped down, spreading himself wide to keep the charging gorilla from the powerful prize. A winding hook caused DK to stagger, leaving him an easy target for the green plumber. Unfortunately, this left him unaware of the Bewear. A trio of uppercuts sent Luigi to the Blast Zone as quickly as he'd left it!
Luigi: 3
Donkey Kong: 3
"C'MON BABE!" pleaded Daisy from the Smashers' Box, "Keep your head in it!"
"There's an ancient Alolan saying, 'Beware the Bewear,' If Luigi wasn't paying attention while I massive bear was lurking around, that's his problem," Green said.
"Clam it, Uncle Tito," Sans shouted, gesturing to the big screen, on which Luigi waited on the Revival Platform, "Trying to watch the match,"
Green opened her mouth to protest but slumped into her seat instead.
On Mario Circuit, a Hammer spawned.
"Perfect!" Luigi shouted, jumping off of the platform and running for it.
"I'd like to see that hammer stand up to this," Donkey Kong growled, breaking open the Smash Ball just as the Bewear disappeared.
Locked in a lunging hammer swing, Luigi charged Donkey Kong. Unfortunately for the leader of the Kongs, Luigi was quicker on the draw. A trio of hammer swings sent DK into the top Blast Zone, taking the Smash Ball with him.
Luigi: 3
Donkey Kong: 2
"Damn it!" Cranky shouted.
Donkey Kong waited on the Revival Platform for the hammer's effect to dissipate. Once again, the two charged each other, locked in the same stalemate of punches. Suddenly, Donkey Kong grabbed Luigi by the throat.
"YES!" Diddy cheered from the Smashers Box "Cargo Throw time!"
Sure enough, Donkey Kong hoisted Luigi onto his shoulder, throwing Luigi up and into a Lightning power-up. With that, Donkey Kong shrunk in size.
"Cargo Throw time indeed," purred King K. Rool from the Smashers Box.
In the chaos, Luigi managed to scramble for an Assist Trophy, revealing Zero.
"Beginning mission," declared the robot
A spinning swing of his sword was enough to launch the much tinier Donkey Kong into the Blast Zone!
Luigi: 3
Donkey Kong 1
"C'mon kid, you gotta get it together," begged Cranky from the commentary booth,
Donkey Kong jumped off the Revival Platform, expertly weaving in between Zero and a skittering Luigi to clap the latter in between his two gigantic hands Luigi fell into the path of a Rage Gun that had just spawned. Spawning along with it was a Cucco. An evil grin forming on his face, Luigi shot the Cucoo. With a battle cry, the chicken flew up, its entourage pelting the both of them.
"What're you doing? Trying to kill us…"
Donkey Kong's eyes widened as he saw the glow of the Rage Gun glow brighter and brighter.
"...Both." DK finished.
Luigi shot a bullet out of the Rage Gun, the massive damage sending Donkey Kong to the Blast Zone for the final time!
GAME!
Surging with adrenaline, Luigi flailed punches at the air in the Smash Courtyard, stopping to catch his breath just as the results screen declared the inevitable with its usual red flare.
LUIGI WINS!
Donkey Kong clapped on the lower quadrant of the screen, and Mister Zero walked up to him.
"You pulled it back at the end there, but Luigi still came out on top. What're you thinking as your best tournament performance by far comes to an end?" asked the green-haired F-Zero icon.
"I thought I'd be pissed if I lost," Donkey Kong said, "But you gotta respect the mind that has 'getting attacked by chickens' as a gameplan. That's what you gotta do now, and Luigi's always been a crafty guy. Good luck to ya kid!" Donkey Kong waved at the screen trotting off.
Now, Rita stood with Luigi, "And you're the first Smasher to punch their ticket to the quarter-finals! What's going through your mind?"
"Not much," Luigi shrugged in between heavy breaths, "Zelda and Ganondorf are powerful people, but that doesn't matter so much if you think on your feet. Looking forward to seeing you guys!" Luigi saluted the screen.
Luigi walked up the tunnel, pushing his way into the Smashers Box to the usual applause, but at the front, Donkey Kong stood, his hand extended, "Sorry about that my man," he said, "Got a little up in my own head there."
Luigi shook the extended hand, "You did well."
"Yeah," Donkey Kong scratched the back of his head with his free hand, "Better than I thought, considering all the drama with training."
"Yeah!" Terry said, clasping DK on the shoulder, "I don't know how I'd deal with training if I had to switch training partners like that."
"Intermission has commenced," ROB droned.