I told myself I needed to finish this fic soon but there are so many plot points I want to get to, and I am perfectionist, so I pour over the sentences and then go to Grammarly. I'm worried to make an embarrassing grammatical mistake lolololol. Sorry, y''all we will be speeding things up for sure, for sure.

Donutsdream28: Hahaha, I was like is that line too much? But I'm glad it wasn't and you liked it!

kalisfandomstories1004: Thank you! I obsess over not getting a sentence wonky now. I get so embarrassed when I look at my earlier writings and its like 'bruh do I even know what the alphabet is'. I'm glad that sentence hit! I was worried about it!

Chapter 36

I knew better than to open my mouth at the moment, but I had a very distinct emotion on the verge of bursting.

The more prominent ladies of the court had all gathered for a small celebration. Now that I was queen, I was forced to pick the royal household titles.

Janson, who had disappeared, sent a detailed list in the morning with the names of who I was to appoint and what role they would serve.

I trusted his judgment and in full candor, I did not care much to pick.

I did not know these ladies or their temperaments.

There were ten positions to be filled.

Lady of the Roses, Lady of the Hunt, Lady of the Fountains… and so on and so forth.

It was essentially a hierarchal order in which everyone was divided into social strata.

Teresa's name was next to Lady of the Fountains. It seemed Janson did not think her capable of having the biggest source of influence. Lady of the Roses had been given to Lady Bass, after all, she was married to the kingdom's purse bearer. She was also one of the elder women. Lady Bass would now dictate the social order and have an influence on who married whom.

Teresa would have access to any tea room and would receive the majority of the invitations but she would not have the power to turn people away. I did not recognize the name Beth Bowen but it stood out in slight familiarity. She would control the countryside and the social events outside of the capital.

I suppressed a groan, I could give two flying farts about the social soirees. I wanted to go to the kitchens and talk to the girl who had been attacked by the Arubian. Her week of leave was over.

Antonietta seemed to notice my annoyed disposition. She took a seat next to me and in a lowered voice she spoke "You could at least attempt to seem interested, you are the Queen after all."

I turned to look at her; her face was passive, a practiced smile adorning her features.

"I have no interest in arranging tea parties and exchanging forced pleasantries," I whispered back.

Antonietta sighed, "When you have a solid line of heirs you can do as you wish but for now, appeasing these ladies is what will give you protection and power."

As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. Until there was an heir or two, I was at the mercy of the court.

I blew out air from my nose and stood. I smoothed my dress and looked around, talking to Lady Bass seemed dreadful but Lady Bowen might be worth my time.

I turned to Antonietta who was staring up at me, a pleased glint in her eye.

"Point me to Lady Bowen."

Antonietta tilted her head to a girl near the window, she was quietly speaking with two younger girls. She wore a pink dress that seemed too big on her. Her neckline rested underneath her collarbone, too high for it to be fashionable.

As I approached, the younger girls hurriedly curtsied, their adolescent faces giving away their inner panic.

"Your majesty, a pleasure." Lady Bowen spoke first. She must be married if she was the first to speak.

Odd, she had to be years younger than me. Why would Janson place her as Lady of the Hunt?

Lady Bowen was small, a head shorter than me and barely reaching the other girls. Her blue eyes and blond hair seemed oddly familiar.

"The pleasure is all mine Lady Bowen. I hope I was not interrupting, I was curious as if you were pleased with your new appointment."

It was an irrelevant statement. Even if she wasn't, she would never say otherwise.

Lady Bowen looked up at me through her eyelashes, not in the usual coyness of the aristocracy, but in a fearful obedience.

"It is one of the greatest honors one could receive. Since I have been unable to produce children, this brings me a great source of joy and satisfaction."

So she was definitely married. I itched to know how old she was.

"Well, you have much time for children, Lady Bowen."

Lady Bowen's cheeks turned pink, and that's when I noticed the strong film of powder that covered her features.

A young girl, with a high neckline, and a powdered face. The itch grew.

"I've been married two years, your majesty, and I've yet to be with child." She said, her tone trembling.

I was eager to learn more but her petite shoulders had slumped, and her eyes had started a tense tremble.

"Well children are so much work, I'm glad you're free to join us here at court," I said, hoping to change the awkward air that hung between us and the other teenage courtesans.

Lady Bowen was able to manage a smile "Yes, I enjoy the company and the ability to visit my brother."

A brother, a strand I could pull from.

"Ah, a brother! I have one as well, but mine is much younger, only four years old."

The petulant four-year-old, that had stolen my throne.

"My brother is Lord Benjamin, we are very grateful that the crown is allowing his wedding."

Lord Benjamin

The plot thickened. I was feverish with the need to know more.

"Ah yes, Lord Benjamin he has been very gracious with me."

Lady Bowen seemed to flower at the mention of her brother.

"Yes, my brother is most kind. I am very happy that I can visit with him when time allows it."

Before I could ask any further questions, I felt a presence behind me. I turned to find a valet, holding out a silver platter, a small knot in its center.

Join us in the throne room, now.

Don't say where you are going

Make up an excuse.

-Minho.

I folded the letter as neatly as I could, the broken seal no longer lying flat.

"You must excuse me. It seems there is a problem in the kitchens."

The ladies curtsied and I gave them a gracious smile before attempting to calmly walk out of the room

In the hall I crumpled the letter, hoping to ease my nerves.

What would it be this time?

My steps echoed in the nearly empty hallways. It seemed the courtesans were all occupied.

I wanted to run but even I knew that would draw too much attention.

As I entered the hall of the throne room, I noticed more guards than usual lining the halls.

The tunics some of them wore had soldier's insignias.

This could not be good.

The guard hesitated to open the throne room door, debating whether he should or not.

After a pointed look, he finally opened the door.

Janson, Counselor Ava, Minho, Thomas, a group of more counselors, and Newt were all surrounding a heap in the middle.

The strong smell of incense started to burn through my nose.

Minho was the first one who turned, his brow furrowed and his mouth grim.

I felt the pit in my stomach grow. Minho never looked worried.

Counselor Ava was next, her face exuded irritation when she took me in.

"Your majesty, you should not be here. The air could be dangerous for any possible heirs."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the impossibility of heirs.

Newt moved from his spot and opened his arm towards me.

That was enough to silence the counselor.

Newt's face was blank but his eyes were burning with anxiousness.

"What's happened?" I asked when I finally reached his side.

Newt looked toward the center of the throne room and that is when I saw the bodies.

Wrapped in ceremonial robes and the skin whiter than ashes.

My breath caught in my throat.

"This will create a schism of unforeseen repercussions." A counselor, who I did not know spoke.

Ava stepped forward "Only if it's handled poorly. We must spin this most favorably."

"Regardless, the gentry will need a sacrificial lamb to blame," Janson interceded "It doesn't matter who. We just need to make sure it's not us."

Callous as ever.

"Who are these men?" I asked, hoping I was relevant enough in this group to garner a response.

"They are the fake cranks from earlier this month. As it turns out, your majesty, they are the sons of some of the landed gentry. They're all from a boarding school north of here." Janson answered me, his face ever void of any emotion.

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Blame road bandits. Have a royal investigation and tell the gentry they were ambushed on their way here. We can run a parallel private investigation and find the true motive and culprit. We should also compensate the families. Financially or otherwise."

The room watched me silently.

I had spoken out of turn. I did not have the influence to make such commands.

It wasn't until Newt gave a slight nod of approval that the tension eased.

"Let us do as the Queen suggests, we need to find the identities of the other men. The ones that actually fought" Newt pensively held his chin as he spoke, "Counselor Paige please take care of the gentry and coordinate with Lord Bass about the compensation, Counselor Jorge I would like to kindly request you oversee both of the investigations." A dark man with greying hair, who I had never seen before, nodded.

Newt turned towards the door and the counselors began to disperse. It almost annoyed me how in tune they were with Newt's silent commands.

Nevertheless, despite my annoyance, I too followed after Newt.

Before we left the room, Newt paused and turned his head.

"Thomas please locate my uncle, he is needed."

I couldn't help but stop in my tracks. What on earth did we need Georgios for?

Once out in the hallway, and far from the earshot of guards, I finally voiced my concerns.

"Why are you searching for your uncle?" I asked.

Newt glanced at me slightly, but he kept walking, his pace slightly quickening.

"He warned me that there was something wrong with the fake crank attack. I want to see what he knows."

It was becoming harder to keep up with Newt, my frustration only growing with his pace.

"He was the one that finished off the last of the fake cranks. Why would he do that if he thought something was odd?"

"That's what I want to know. He might have wanted to keep the crown longer, but he will still protect the family legacy."

I could not believe Newt was thinking about trusting his deranged uncle.

"Newt you can't be serious. We cannot trust your uncle, and besides he needs time to grieve his son."

As if he hadn't heard me, Newt kept rushing down the hall. I groaned and continued my chase after him.

"Newt! Bloody hell! Where are we going?!"

Newt finally stopped and turned. He took quick paces until he was right in front of me, a hairstring distance between us.

That was when I noticed the tears that were barely clinging to his eyes.

In a whispered voice, he explained. "They were…they were mere boys Roan. I knew something wasn't right…I should have stopped…we.."

That's as far as he got before he turned on his heels and began his descent through the palace once more.

My heart dragged painfully through me at the thought of Newt's anguish.

I chased after him, calling his name.

"Newt! Newt! It is not your fault! Newt!"

What could I even say? Words would not fix this.

Eventually, we reached the palace greenhouse. I walked through the rows of vegetation until I found him sitting on the edge of the fountain. He had his head in his hands, the only sound was the trickle and splash of the water behind him.

I kneeled in front of him.

He still did not look at me, gently I pulled his hands from his face. Newt averted his gaze and stared at the dirt beneath us. Tears had streaked his cheeks.

Knowing words would not help. I pressed a light kiss to his forehead, then each of his eyelids, his nose, and finally his mouth.

I felt him shudder, his lungs finally releasing the breath they had been holding. I pulled back and took his hands in mine. I kissed each knuckle, slowly and lightly.

When I was finally done, I sat next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

We silently sat like that until it was dinner time.

I did not like the new royal quarters that we had been dictated to use. They felt unwelcoming and knowing Newt's father had died in the very room only made it worse.

A protective ebb had started to flow through me when it came to Newt. It was new but not foreign.

I was Queen, in charge of the palace household. Who could really tell me no if I wanted different quarters?

Only Alby seemed to mind when I told him of the change. He liked everything to be by the book.

He would have a hard time with me.

Newt lit up when I suggested the change. A smile almost emerged from his lips.

He had been quiet and distracted most of the dinner, during Antonietta's evening tea; he had clung to the window and barely acknowledged anyone's existence.

I had never killed anyone so I didn't see if fit to pass judgment. I would do my best to soothe Newt until he was back to himself. It had become my soul's mission.

I made an excuse to get us out of tea early and then asked for a warm bath to be drawn for Newt.

The air felt like honey once we returned to our old chambers. I outstretched my arms and let out a sigh, the room I used to dread had become a sanctuary.

I threw myself on the bed and enjoyed the familiar feeling of the sheets, taking in the comforting pattern of the bed's canopy. I would call this bed, this room, my home.

Newt had headed to his bath and Agnes came to help me undress. She was chattering about how Alby threw a fit in the kitchens over the room change. I couldn't help but laugh.

Once she was done, I eagerly hopped into bed. This bed didn't feel like a slab of wood and the blankets were smooth and soft. In my lounging, did I realize Newt's bath had taken longer than usual.

I sat up, my eyes landing on the towels Alby had forgotten to put in the bath.

Newt was trapped.

I would have found it comical if I were not the one that would need to rescue Newt.

I took a deep breath and braced myself. I lightly knocked on the door, half-hoping he would not hear me.

"Finally figured I couldn't get out, Alby." Newt's annoyance clouded his usually agreeable tone.

I swallowed my spit.

"It is me, I eventually figured out what happened. Where do you want me to place them?"

"Oh."

Oh.

Oh indeed.

"Just, near the soaps."

There was always a table of soaps or combs near the tub. A royal indulgence.

I kept my eyes on the towels, as I placed them down. It would be indecent to look at Newt while he bathed. My prudish ways had not left me, husband or not.

Once I turned to leave, I felt Newt reach out and catch my hand.

I felt my soul leave my body at the contact.

"Thank you for today, Roan."

I finally mustered the strength to look at him.

He was looking up at me, his eyes tired and almost begging.

I patted his hand, avoiding eye contact. "It's not your fault, and I will be here for you, whenever you need it."

As I looked away, the top of Newt's head caught my attention.

Did he not know how to bathe?

The soap was clumping on his hair and I couldn't fight the urge to scrub it. I pulled my hand away and stood behind the tub.

Tenderly, I used my finger pads to scrub out the hair. Newt leaned his head into my touch.

A pleased sigh left his mouth.

I dug my fingers into his scalp, the soap covering my palms.

I ran my fingers through his hair, touching every slope and curve of his head. More for my sake than that of washing his hair. I had not realized how much I yearned to touch him.

I took a pail to wash out the soap; I didn't want to scare him with my odd need to have my fingers in his hair.

Once his hair was fully rinsed. I leaned back slightly, noticing soap on his shoulder.

I decided to indulge myself and used a rag to slowly wipe it off. Letting my fingers trace through his skin as I swiped. It was warm and soft. I had the urge to wrap my arms around his chest and hold him close.

Instead, I continued to run the rag past his shoulders and down his arms.

I knew I needed to stop but I just couldn't bring myself to. I began to rationalize that this could help him relax.

Newt didn't say anything but I noticed his muscles tense under my touch, tightening as I scrubbed the already clean skin.

I smoothed his hair back one final time before I dejectedly pulled away.

Reluctantly, I dropped the rag in a pail.

"You know, you should really do a better job bathing," I dried my hands on one of the towels, "All that soap will make your hair fall out."

Newt's face was slightly flushed, hopefully from the warm bath water and not because I had crossed a line.

"Well, maybe I will just need your help from now on." The smirk that overtook his features, made me freeze.

The cheek.

"Well, maybe you should learn how to bathe," I said, heading for the door.

"Can't see why I would do that when I have you."

My mouth went dry and I hurried to exit the bathroom. I had definitely gone too far. What the bloody hell was I thinking?

In the safety of the main bedroom, I slapped my forehead.

I could not get any more idiotic. I angrily blew out the last of the candles and climbed into bed.

Newt would just have to walk in the dark. I could not bear to see him.

From this moment on, I would swear never to touch Newt again. I needed to put myself in my place.

It was morbidly embarrassing to admit, that resolve only lasted about ten minutes.

I had forced my eyes shut and fervently feigned sleep. That way, when Newt exited the bathroom, there would be no room for discussion.

However, it was not to be so.

Newt slid into the bed silently, sighing in relief as he settled in.

I made sure to keep my legs far from his and my arms firmly crossed against my chest.

"No goodnight kiss Ronnie?"

I stayed quiet, I needed to stay firm and steadfast.

"You're not fooling me love. I know when you are awake and right now you certainly are."

I gave a loud exhale before sitting up,

"Newt, you must admit things are getting away from us. We cannot keep this up and not expect things to progress and I…I don't know what I'm doing and you do. It's an unfair disadvantage and I'm going to get it all wrong."

I desperately wanted to keep my thoughts to myself but I had been a ruminating ball of thoughts the entirety of the week.

Newt was silent for a long time and the notion that I should throw myself out the window began to take hold.

"Do what wrong? Kiss me wrong? Hold my hand wrong? So what if you do? We have a whole lifetime."

He wasn't getting what I meant. And had he implied I had been doing it wrong along? The window started to loom larger as my only option.

"That's not what I meant. You've done this before, I haven't. I do not want to ruin what we have because I do not know what it is I'm supposed to do."

I heard Newt shuffle and felt his presence closer.

Great, as if I didn't have enough to worry about.

"Roan…what is it that you think you're supposed to do?"

"I don't know….when am I supposed to kiss you? When am I not supposed to kiss you? What if I want to reach out and touch you but there are others around? How familiar should I be- "

"Roan you're overthinking. If you want to kiss me, kiss me. If you want to grab me in front of the court, grab me. woman. We are married and who gives a damn what they think anyways. They'll find something to judge regardless."

I hated when he was right, it was so irritating.

"But what if you don't want me to? What if it is too much?'

There was another long pause, if Newt would have let me, I would have pulled out all my hair.

"First of all, I don't think you've kissed me nearly enough yet. Second of all, unless you're kissing me every second of the day. I doubt it would be too much."

It was my turn to pause, fighting the urge to melt into the bed at his words.

I was still uneasy with the prospect, not as much as before, considering he said I hadn't kissed him enough.

"What about the heir business? What will we do about that?"

"We will…we will just get around to it when it feels right."

I threw my hands in the air and let them slap loudly on the bed.

"That's what I mean, what is right? When is it right?"

Newt sighed "Why did you scrub me down in the bath?"

I shrugged and waited until I realized he couldn't see me.

"I did it because I…I guess I wanted to. It just… I don't know, it felt like the thing to do."

It really should not have done that, all of this could have been avoided.

"That, Roan. That's what I mean, when it feels like the thing to do, do it."

"And you won't mind? I won't ruin things?"

"No, you won't. Now give me a goodnight kiss, you left me empty-handed in the bath."

I was still determined to keep our contact reigned in, so I leaned forward and placed a light kiss on Newt's lips before pulling back quickly.

An awkward air permeated heavily.

Newt blew air through his nose but didn't say anything besides goodnight. I felt him pull back and settle into bed.

I laid back on the bed and clutched the sheets.

The silence began to eat at me. I wanted to yell into my pillow.

If holding back didn't give me any ease …would letting go be the answer?

What if I made it worse? Holding back was not making me feel any better.

Before I could lose my nerve, and very much on a whim, I sat up and pushed myself towards Newt's side of the bed.

I grabbed onto the collar of his nightshirt and pressed my lips firmly on his.

Newt's mouth welcomed mine in a slow envelopment. In the dark, his hands reached for me, they landed on my hips, and I felt him pull me closer to him.

I slid my leg in between his.

Just do what feels right

I repeated the mantra to myself.

The kissing intensified as I dug my hands into Newt's hair. Usually, by now I would have pulled away but I was never going to get over my fear if I didn't get over myself.

When Newt kissed my neck, I felt a strange but welcoming fire began to permeate through my fire spread through my body and that's when I fully understood what Newt meant when he said it needed to feel right.