GPQ: Okay, so I was asked to make some sort of "intro" to a story that wasn't my own. Hope I'm setting off on the right foot here.
MP: So, Queenie, you made it!
GPQ: Huh? Who said that?
MP: Down here, if you will.
GPQ: Oh, Multi. So, you needed my help with something?
MP: Yeah, just waiting for PA2 to show up and all (And can I call you 'Queenie' or is that too…)
GPQ: "Phantom Queen" is okay. I'm not ready to give my real name just yet.
PA2: So, have I missed out on anything?
MP: Just Phantom Queen about to start off on our 'Grecian Journey' story.
PA2: Oh, right. So, take it away!
GPQ: So then, welcome to a hypothetical Jackie Chan Adventures season 6 where the Chans find out how much a Grecian earns.
MP/PA2:...
GPQ:...Too cliché?
MP: Yes, and that's coming from me!
GPQ: Right...let's just start story now.
MP: Not so fast! First, a little background. This fic has been a three-way collab that's been tricky to coordinate due to vastly different schedules and one radically different time zone.
GPQ: Myanmar isn't a really nice place for collaborations. Trust me, Democracy here was supposed to start 60 years ago. (If you don't get what I'm talking about, go to a library)
PA2: Nonetheless, the three of us kept on going, collaborating and overcoming the distance to create the best possible story.
MP: Hopefully, the results will speak for themselves. And hopefully it will show how much we loved the series that inspired it.
GPQ: And with that, now we start.
Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey
Chapter 1: Fight at the Museum
"According to the Athenian scrolls, the Lost Shrine of Corycia should be right behind that wall," Jackie said to himself, holding up his fluorescent lantern to the ancient scroll in his other hand. The wall, like the scroll, was marked with a symbol of a stylized apple. Smiling, he pressed his hand to the symbol, which sank into the wall.
A handsome Chinese fellow with no small passion for his work, Jackie Chan was a true archaeologist at heart. He had made multiple discoveries in his career in archaeology, including two different lost Mesoamerican cities, but every new discovery was a new excitement to him. To peer in on something that nobody had laid eyes on in centuries was a thrill beyond compare. It had been nothing more than a stroke of incredible luck in a previous dig in Athens that he'd discovered a scroll with this information, and after weeks of translating the exact instructions, he had gotten the university to sponsor his journey to investigate the Corycian Cave on the slope of Mount Parnassus, high above Delphi. And now here he was, finally about to unlock its secrets.
Rumble, rumble.
The wall seamlessly sank into the floor, exposing a long corridor expertly carved into the bare rock. A cloud of dust, undisturbed for millennia, kicked up and made Jackie sneeze, but he stepped forward blindly into the passage.
Shwing!
Jackie's well-honed reflexes, brought about by years of training, were all that saved him from being impaled by a bronze-tipped spear that shot out of the wall. Now that the dust had cleared, Jackie gasped as he saw dozens of holes pocketing the walls. He sprinted forward at full speed down the corridor, leaping and ducking and rolling aside as more and more spears emerged from the holes at high speeds, each one ready to kill him of he made even one mistake.
"Bad day, bad day, bad day!" Jackie cried as he bolted down the hall. Finally, he reached a point where there seemed to be no more holes for hidden traps...
Or so he thought until twin jars dropped to the floor from two more holes just above his head, bigger than the rest. The jars shattered on impact, releasing their contents in a fiery explosion.
"Greek fire?!" Jackie cried, leaping up and over them. It wasn't a perfect move-his backside was singed in the process. His target now in sight, Jackie dropped and rolled into the hidden shrine, putting out the fire on his pants. Desperate, he popped back to his feet and pulled off his jacket, desperately trying to smother the flames before they reached the wooden spear shafts, only to fail miserably as they ignited. With no other choice, Jackie backflipped into the shrine, striking his back against a marble dais as he did. The plinth shook, and the artifact atop it, a decorative amphora, still tightly sealed, fell from it, but Jackie swiped his leg and sent it back into the air, then caught it in his outstretched fingers. With a sigh, he placed it back on the dais.
As the spears burned up, Jackie relaxed for a moment. The fire wouldn't spread any further. It would burn itself out soon, and if he stayed low the smoke wouldn't harm him. Then he could just walk out.
In the meantime, Jackie examined the inscriptions over the walls: beautiful murals of the gods among mortals, combined with row after row of ancient Greek writing. Jackie would have to make rubbings of every bit of this and bring it over for translation. What fun!
Still, his eyes wandered back to the one artifact within the hidden shrine. That urn was something special, that he knew for sure. The San Francisco museum would be very happy to have it, especially with the new Greek exhibit opening. Jackie himself had supplied nearly half of the antiquities in it on his last dig, hence why he and his family were to be guests of honor at the gala celebrating it.
"Wait until they see this," he chuckled to himself.
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Three days later…
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Back in San Francisco…
Jade Chan, Jackie Chan's spunky 13-year-old niece, adjusted her mask and took a deep breath as she scanned her surroundings. She had to stay vigilant; one false move and it would be the end of her there and then.
She was on a mission; retrieve covert information then hightail it out of there, naturally without getting caught.
Right now, no one had noticed her. Years of practicing martial arts with Uncle Jackie, sneaking out to accompany him for his missions, and her small size, made it easy to infiltrate the enemy's headquarters without causing suspicion. After all, if she could get the Talismans by latching a hook on an ID and figuring out the password to the vault from two hints, this would be a piece of cake.
Which reminded her...after this mission was over, she was going to get a bite to eat.
Darting off to the side, she hugged the wall and inched closer to the guard. For once, the fact that she had barely grown an inch in the past several years actually paid off, and her skintight black ninja outfit certainly helped. Then, moving with speed and silence, she delivered a flying kick to the back of his head and knocked him out. From there, she stole his key card and opened the door behind him. She gasped when she found a dozen more men behind it, each in black ski masks, and each wielding Tasers.
As the first guard lunged for her, she leapt straight up, bouncing off of his head and slamming her foot into another, who crumbled into a third, pinning him down. As the fourth reached to tase her, she fell to the floor, swung a foot to knock the fifth off of his feet, then used the momentum to swing him into the sixth, who caught the fourth's punch and collapsed onto the fifth. Snatching Tasers from two of the fallen men, she leapt up and attacked the first and fourth, incapacitating them, and finished off the seventh and eighth in similar fashion.
"The grunts always work in groups, don't they?" she asked, shaking her head.
The four remaining men growled and attacked with renewed vigor, but Jade dodged them, ran up a wall, then backflipped down on one, striking him with both Tasers at once. He collapsed to the floor and she used him as a trampoline to knock out the tenth with an elbow to the face. As she fell, though, guard #11 seized her from behind, restraining her arms and holding her for the last one to finish.
"Tch, like nobody's tried that before!" she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she flicked her wrists and pointed the Tasers backwards. The guard collapsed just as the final guard threw his punch. With nothing to hit, he flew off-balance, and Jade finished him with a punch to the crotch.
With all twelve guards down, Jade walked over to take her prize. She walked over to the desk where a computer sat. She turned it on and entered the passcode she'd stolen in a previous assignment, and then inserted a thumb drive into it. Smirking, she dragged the necessary file over and began the download.
Just when her job seemed complete, Jade was yanked upward by the back of her shirt and violently pressed into a wall by a tall masked figure. Jade gasped as her face hit the wall, but was still able to struggle in her opponent's grip. The man pulled off her mask, exposing her shoulder-length black hair, amber eyes, and pouting face.
"Did you really think that one kick to the face would knock out a grown man?" he asked in a familiar voice. It was Guard #2. He sighed and dropped Jade, then removed his mask, revealing himself as a middle-aged man with a shaved head and a kind (if a little mischievous) grin.
"It's worked before," Jade replied mulishly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Besides, shouldn't there be some sort of 'One strike you're out' rule?"
"Real life doesn't have rules like that," the man replied. "You asked for the hardest exercise we could give."
"And you said no!" Jade argued. "Come on, Captain Black! They didn't even have real weapons! I'm never gonna be a full-fledged agent if you don't stop with the kid stuff!" She gestured to the other men, who were pulling themselves to their feet. Not a single one of them was actually hurt, thanks to the rubber insulated linings of their jackets.
"And I'll never make you one if you don't learn to control yourself!" Captain Black snapped. Then his face softened, and he sighed and set her down to face him. "Jade, you've got to play to your strengths, especially on a stealth mission like this. The air vents were right there, but you chose to go in through the door knowing it'd lead to a fight. Jackie may have trained you well in kung fu, but you're still a kid, whether you believe it or not. You've got to stop throwing yourself into unnecessary conflicts. You'll likely get yourself killed, and then your uncle will kill me!"
The anger drained out of Jade, leaving behind a melancholy. "...I know," she said quietly. "It's just...fighting used to solve everything. The Dark Hand, Daolon Wong, Tarakudo...kicking butt was kind of essential against them. Now that most of the magic is gone, it's hard to get used to being just a plain old spy."
"I get where you're coming from," Captain Black said ruefully. "Believe me, this past year has been pretty boring by comparison. And you're not a spy. Not yet, anyway. But you've got a real knack for it. You got farther than a lot of first-timers on this exercise."
Jade brightened. "Really?"
"Hey, you made it to the console. Most people fail at one of the first checkpoints," Captain Black said with a shrug. "And if it helps, think about it like this; your goal for the mission? To get into your uncle's next adventure."
At that, Jade smirked. "Yeah, I think that'd definitely help."
"That's the spirit," Captain Black said as he helped her up. "Believe me, I wouldn't be spending the time if I thought you weren't committed. But your heart's in the right place, and your skills are getting there. Just need to let your head catch up."
"Yeah, yeah," Jade snarked playfully. "So, any more training for today?"
"No, I think we've done enough of that for now," Captain Black said. "Besides," he continued, looking at his watch. "Jackie should be back any minute now. Let's head to Uncle's shop."
"Heck yeah!" Jade cheered. "Can't wait to see what he brought home this time!"
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Uncle's Rare Finds was still the same after all this time. Filled with ancient treasures from every Chinese dynasty, as well as a library's worth of books on every imaginable kind of chi spell.
It also contained Uncle, an old Chinese man with spiky gray hair and a constantly sour expression, listening to Jackie gush about his exploration of the Shrine and about his latest find, the amphora currently sitting on Uncle's desk. True to his name, he was Jackie's uncle. At least, they were pretty sure he was.
"There were so much to learn there!" Jackie said, smiling widely. "I can't believe it went undiscovered for thi-OW!" he yelped as he was hit on the head by one of Uncle's signature two-finger strikes.
"If you have so much time to travel, you can spend it helping Uncle get more customers!" Uncle grumbled. Bereft of magical phenomena to study, Uncle had put most of his attention on his antique store. Unfortunately, customers hadn't, even after Jade had helped Uncle create a website for it.
"Don't you have Tohru to help you out?" asked Jackie.
"He very busy studying chi magic," Uncle scoffed, jabbing a thumb toward the back room.
Indeed, the sumo-sized man was currently experimenting behind them, one of Uncle's books open before him.
"Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao," he chanted quietly as he held his personal blowfish and petrified newt, a green glow illuminating the scrap of parchment in front of him. He kept chanting as he delicately dipped the tip of the newt's tail into an inkpot. Once the tail was saturated, he gingerly proceeded to place it against the parchment...which promptly released a huge plume of smoke.
Uncle and Jackie both turned as Tohru stumbled out of the room, coughing wildly and rubbing at his eyes. The smell of rotting eggs and burnt paper filled the air.
"Aiyah!" Uncle shrieked. "Tohru, you trying to burn down Uncle's store?!"
"No, sensei," Tohru responded sheepishly, still coughing. Despite no longer truly being Uncle's student, he still referred to him as his teacher. "I'd been reading Lo Pei's memoirs and wanted to try sealing spells into paper-OW!" he shouted as Uncle struck him in the head.
"How many times must Uncle tell you?" the old man demanded. "Old masters revered for a reason! Spells hard to duplicate!"
"But sensei, the formula seemed sound," Tohru protested. "I even squeezed a clove of garlic into the ink."
Uncle whacked him again. "Found your problem! For proper strength, need more garlic! Next time, use three!"
"Yes, sensei," Tohru replied, bowing his head.
"Wait, that shouldn't even be possibl-OW!" Jackie yelped as Uncle turned back to him with another blow.
"Never question Uncle!" he said, wagging his finger. "If chi wizards let little things stop them, then Demon Sorcerers would still be running around!"
"Yeah, and who could use that kind of excitement?" Jade asked, popping up behind them. Now she was dressed in her favorite outfit: an orange short-sleeved hoodie over a long-sleeved white tee, jeans, and sneakers. Captain Black was right behind her, in his own favorite outfit of a dark trenchcoat over a red turtleneck and slacks.
As Jackie yelped and patted his heart to calm himself down, she spotted the amphora on Uncle's desk and leapt up to grab it. "So, Jackie, what'd you bring me?"
Just as she laid her hands on it, she felt Jackie lifting her up by her hood. She groaned. "Come on, seriously? You could try asking first!"
"Would you listen?" Jackie asked, sighing and shaking his head. He knew what the answer was going to be.
"Probably not, but it'd feel better than being picked up all the time," Jade replied bluntly. "You know, one of these days I'll be too big, so you should stop now before your hurt yourself. Anyway, what's in the urn?" she continued, rapidly shifting gears.
Jackie dropped her and shrugged. "Technically, it's an amphora, and I don't know. I thought we could all take a look."
Jade's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked excitedly. "Usually you'd be all, 'This must go right to the museum!'" she said, doing an honestly pretty decent impression of Jackie's voice. At his surprised look, she merely said, "Captain Black's been teaching me how to do voices."
"Don't tell him that," Captain Black mumbled in her ear.
"I am not having this conversation right now," Jackie muttered to himself, kneading his eyes. "Anyway," he continued, "normally you'd be right. But this was a last-minute find, and the exhibit's too far along to add it in, especially with the gala tonight. The museum said I could take a look at it before they put it in storage, and I figured that here was the safest place."
"So let's crack this baby open!" Jade said. She seized the urn's lid and twisted, but it remained in place. She strained and struggled, her face flushing, but the lid simply refused to budge.
"Gently, gently!" Jackie shouted, his fear for the urn palpable. As he watched Jade struggle, however, he began to notice something. A strange glinting coming off of the urn...
"Let me try," Captain Black suggested, a bit forcefully. He took the ancient jar, but his luck was no better. As he sighed, Tohru snatched it up in his massive hands. He grunted with effort as he twisted and turned, the veins bulging in his neck, but still the urn simply wouldn't yield.
"Enough!" Uncle snapped. "Urn is obviously magic! Probably sealed for good reason! Give it to me! I must do research on it!"
"No, give it to me so that we can put it in Section 13!" Captain Black said forcefully as Tohru began clutching the urn to his chest possessively. "We didn't let you keep the Talismans here, so why would we let you keep this?"
"Oh please!" Jade snapped. "We're the ones who got you all your best stuff! And if anyone should get it, it should be me! I know how to handle stuff like this, and it's been ages since I've had anything cool or magic to do!"
"Really? And why you over the trained chi wizard, hm?" Tohru asked snidely. Jade opened her mouth to retort, but was interrupted by Jackie rushing over and grabbing the urn out of Tohru's hands.
Jackie's mind flashed with desire, but he centered himself, focusing on calming images, and rose above it.
"Hey! Give that…" Tohru began, before trailing off and shaking his head, the others following suit. "Um...what was I just saying?"
"Never mind that! Look!" Jade shouted, pointing at the urn. It was glowing with a bright golden light, the designs on it flashing under the mysterious aura. After a few seconds in Jackie's hands, the glow began to fade, leaving the urn as it was.
"It started when you picked it up, but it didn't get that bright until just now," Jackie said as he carefully set the urn down. "I figured getting it away from you was the best option."
"So, what, it's an urn that makes people crazy?" Jade asked.
Uncle opened his mouth to speak, but Tohru beat him to it. "Not quite," he said. "I didn't feel crazy. I just felt like...I needed it. Needed it more than anything else. Like having it would...prove something."
"Urn must enhance possessive nature of victims," Uncle continued, sighing. "Make them want the urn above everything else, to the point where they would hurt those they love. Or worse."
"But why wasn't Jackie affected?" Captain Black asked, scratching his head.
"He was," Uncle explained. "But Jackie is a very calm individual. Besides, each of us wanted the urn for ourselves, no matter the reason. Jackie only wants urn to go to museum. Not as much possessiveness to latch onto."
"Wonderful," Jade groaned. "So what are we supposed to do about it? It got us fighting in ten seconds; if we bring it to Section 13 we'll have a full-on brawl!"
"She's probably right," Captain Black admitted. "Jade's scoring top marks in reading people, and she's revealed some...interesting things about some of my staff," he finished sheepishly.
Jackie opened his mouth, only for Uncle to whack him on the head. "Secret agent talk later! Deal with magic urn now!"
"Um, if I may?" Tohru asked, prompting the group to look at him. "I just realized; the urn was affecting all of us even when we weren't touching it. I understand why Jackie was able to fight it off, but why did grabbing it break the spell?"
Uncle's eyes widened. "Of course! Jackie's mindset means urn must spend more magic trying to corrupt him, leaving other victims alone!"
"Makes as much sense as anything else we've dealt with," Captain Black said with a sigh. "So, what's the plan?"
"For now, we take it back to the museum and let them put it in storage," Jackie said simply. As the others looked at him askance, he said, "I just handed this over to them. I can't just say, 'Sorry, it's magic, I need it back'! Besides, it'll be put in the basement with just other artifacts. Hardly any minds to control there."
"You sure, Jackie?" Jade asked. "I mean, this seems kind of risky."
"It is, but it's our best option," Captain Black said. "Section 13's transitioned back into regular spy work over the past year, so remanding the urn would be problematic even if we weren't covert."
Jackie nodded in agreement. "It'll just be for tonight. I'll talk to the heads of the museum and convince them to let an outside facility handle the urn. Captain Black, can you get the necessary credentials?"
"By tomorrow, Section 13 will be one of the world's top archaeological research facilities," Captain Black said, smiling.
Jackie groaned. "I miss when someone saying that would have been a bad thing," he muttered, before continuing, "That work for everyone?"
"Fine," Jade grumbled.
"Works for Uncle," Uncle said sullenly.
"Sounds good to me," Tohru said with a shrug.
"I'll get to work preparing those credentials," Captain Black said.
"And I'll figure out how I'm going to convince the museum to give up its latest find before they could even show it off," Jackie said, sighing. "But for now, let's just get ready and bring it back. The exhibit opens in two and a half hours, and we have to be in the actual gala space by an hour before. Now, everybody get dressed and we'll be on our way."
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"And so, before we officially begin the gala, I'd like to propose a toast," the tuxedo-clad curator said as he raised a glass of wine. "To Jackie Chan! Without whom this museum would be bereft of not only this latest collection, but several of our most unique finds!"
"To Jackie!" echoed the socialites in attendance, prompting the man himself to blush. He was standing next to the curator on a raised dais near the doors to the exhibit, located in the newly-renamed Chan Wing of the museum. Next to him were Jade, Uncle, and Tohru, all smiling at him, albeit all of them uncomfortable in their formal clothes.
"Uncle does not like stiff collars!" Uncle muttered as he tried to loosen his. "Make it hard to breathe!"
"At least yours fits properly," Tohru replied. Indeed, his tuxedo was straining at the seams; not to an absurd extent, but enough that it was likely to tear if he made any sudden movements.
"Look, I'm just happy we convinced Jackie to let me skip the dress," Jade said, fidgeting with her own miniature tuxedo. "I'll take this over that frilly...thing that he wanted me to put on."
Jackie himself seemed a little uncomfortable in his tuxedo, but he was doing a good job hiding it. Plus, he had actually managed to make it through explaining the exhibit without having to deal with a panic attack, armed robbery, or demon invasion.
"And even if we get lucky tonight, there's still that urn to deal with tomorrow," Jackie thought as he started to mingle with the guests. "We've had a year of normalcy; is it too much to ask for more?"
So distracted was he that he accidentally stepped on the train of one of the guest's gowns. "Oh! I'm sorry, pardon me, miss," he said as he stepped off.
"Happens to the best of us," the tall, tan, blonde woman replied, covering her face with her well-manicured hand as she walked off. As she did, Jackie paused for a moment. Something about the woman was very familiar. Perhaps her very prominent chin, or maybe it was her confident tone of voice…?
"Mr. Chan!" the curator said, interrupting Jackie from his musings. He turned to face the man, noticing that he was accompanied by a short Chinese man in an elegant tuxedo. "Mr. Chan, this is Mr…"
"Fong," the man said in a soft, reedy voice, smiling as he extended his hand to Jackie. As he took it, he tried to examine the man's features. It was hard, as he was standing right in the glare of a fluorescent light, but, something about those jagged grey eyebrows and thin mustache sparked something in his mind. "The curator here was just telling me about your exploits. You're quite the accomplished archaeologist, Mr. Chan."
"Um, thank you," Jackie replied bashfully, rubbing the back of his head with his other hand.
"In fact, Mr. Fong was so impressed that he's decided to make a rather sizeable donation to the museum!" the curator interjected excitedly. "A whole collection of rare East Asian texts and scrolls!"
"They'll serve the world better here than locked up at home," Mr. Fong said. "I've always believed that knowledge should be spread to wherever it's needed. Be it legends or advice, one should always share ancient wisdom."
At those words, Jackie suddenly felt a sense of unease, but couldn't quite figure out why. "Um...excuse me, I should go talk to the other guests. Thank you for your contribution, Mr. Fong," Jackie said as he turned and walked away.
"Hm, odd. Usually he'd be thrilled with what you're offering," the curator said, puzzled.
"It's a big night for him," Mr. Fong replied. "I'm sure he's uncomfortable being...a person of interest."
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As Jackie wandered through the swarms of guests, accepting congratulations as he went, he found himself stopped by a firm hand on his shoulder. Startled, he turned to face a tall elderly gentleman, clad in a deep-blue tuxedo with a fire-red tie.
Despite his obvious age, he had a rather fit body with the exception of his stomach, which seemed almost sunken in beneath his clothes. He had bright white hair tied into a ponytail behind his head, as well as a matching beard that went down to his chest. But what was most striking were his eyes, a startling blue that seemed to pulsate with some hidden power.
"Mr. Chan," the man said, his voice a sonorous rumble as he handed Jackie a card. "I am Mr. Omphalos. I've been looking for you all night."
"O-oh? And why's that?" Jackie asked, tensing under the man's grip and shoving the card into his pocket. With his senses already heightened from the previous encounters, he looked ready to fight at any moment.
"Because you are the one who discovered the Lost Shrine of Corycia," Mr. Omphalos said simply, "and I have a vested interest in acquiring what you found there."
"Well, that's something you're going to have to take up with the heads of the museum, so, excuse me," Jackie said quickly as he rapidly extricated himself from Mr. Omphalos' grip and buried himself in the crowd.
Watching this, the elderly man opened his mouth, then rested his face against his hands. "One of these days I'm going to learn how to actually talk to people," he muttered.
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"Hey, Jackie!" Jade called as she saw her uncle walking by the empty room, fiddling with the cuffs of his tuxedo. "C'mon, check this out!"
Jackie sighed as he heard his overly exuberant niece, noticing that she was not in one of the exhibits directly open for the gala, but walked over to her anyway. "Maybe seeing one of my old finds will put me more at ease," he thought.
Soon enough, he was standing next to Jade in front of a large display case, one which contained a scroll suspended from a metal bar. It seemed to have something written on it in Japanese.
"You never told me about this!" Jade said excitedly. "Where'd you find it?"
"I...can't seem to remember," Jackie muttered, looking it over. "I mean, I definitely brought some scrolls back from my last Japanese dig, but this one doesn't seem particularly familiar."
"Well, can you read it?" Jade asked.
"What about Tohru?" Jackie asked back. "He's better at it than I am."
"He's on Uncle duty," Jade responded, gesturing with her thumb. Indeed, Tohru was sitting with Uncle near one of the caterers, trying to keep the elderly man from insulting the food.
"Fair enough," Jackie sighed as he leaned in. "Now, let's see…'Even the most skilled thief can be caught, but the clever ones always escape. And when they do, it is only wise to seek out their enemies and avenge their honor. Isn't that right, Chan-Jackie-Chan?'" he translated. For a moment, he didn't react. Then his eyes widened and he quickly stepped away from the case, taking Jade with him.
"Hey, what's the-oh," Jade said, her angered expression shifting into one of realization. "Well, okay, so he's back. But we've got Uncle and Tohru here, we can take-"
"Mr. Chan?" came a nearby female voice. Turning, Jackie and Jade saw the woman from earlier walking up to them. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have something I need to talk to you about."
"Um, not the best time…" Jackie began, only to trail off as he finally got a good look at her face. "Oh no."
"Mr. Chan!" came a third voice as Mr. Fong stepped into view. "I forgot, I had one last thing I wanted to tell you!"
"Um, what's that?" Jackie asked as he and Jade slowly backed away from the woman.
"Ancient wisdom: Even when the fly is caught, the clever spider binds it tight," he said with a smirk, before extending a hand, revealing the smudged glyph emblazoned on it, and firing out a blast of energy.
Jackie and Jade dodged out of the way, only for Jade to end up in the arms of what appeared to be a samurai made entirely out of folded paper, casually brushing broken glass off its form. Jackie, meanwhile, backed straight into the woman, who seemed to have moved her position with lightning speed to catch him as he recovered.
"Well, well, well, Chan," the woman said, a sick smirk contorting her face as she grabbed Jackie's arms, forcing them behind his back. "Looks like you're Mr. Popular tonight."
"Vanessa Barone!" Jackie gasped as he looked up at the relic hunter and thief, before turning to the samurai. "Origami!" he continued, before finally looking at Mr. Fong. "Uh…"
"Zhīxin, you idiot," the man said angrily. "You hired me to find the Lotus Temple, the least you could do is remember my name!"
"Right, sorry," Jackie said, abashed, before the situation caught up with him. "What are you three doing here? Thought this would be a good night to rob the museum?"
Origami snorted. His helmet melted away, revealing the skinny face of an angry Japanese man. "Stealing from a museum is easy for ones such as us, Chan-Jackie-Chan," he said in a very formal tone. "No, we are here for one reason alone: revenge."
"Although seriously, you two could have phoned ahead of time," Vanessa snarked as she tightened her grip on Jackie. "I could have been wining and dining with the rest of these idiots, and instead I was coordinating with you to make sure that we didn't screw each other up."
"Wait, you mean you're not working together?" Jackie asked, confused.
"We are," Zhīxin said with a shrug. "We just weren't until tonight."
"It was luck, plain and simple," Origami explained. "These two were scouting out the area in preparation for their respective assaults, when they ran into each other at my display case. From there, it was but a simple matter to recoordinate."
"I've worked with Zhīxin before, and he's got a good head on his shoulders," Vanessa said with a smirk. "And a man who can fold himself into paper? There's no way that's not going to be useful."
"Really?" Jade asked snarkily from her position in Origami's arms. "Are you sure you're not just jealous that they have all the cool magical powers and you don't?"
"Au contraire, brat," Vanessa said, reaching out to pinch Jade's cheek with her free hand. Which was impossible, since she and Jackie had been a few feet away moments before.
Jackie, still secured by Vanessa's other hand, looked a bit queasy. "What was...how did…?"
"Yes, it took some getting used to," Vanessa said with a smirk, "but it seems that there were some aftereffects to holding the Eye of Aurora. Can only go a few feet, but don't need a catchphrase either. Once I figured it out, I knew I was going to train until I had it down to an art."
"Enough talk!" Origami snapped. "Chan-Jackie-Chan's campaign of do-gooding ends tonight!"
Zhīxin raised both hands as glowing energy covered them, collecting into a single giant sphere. "Ancient wisdom," he said. "Every end is a new beginning."
As Zhīxin prepared to fire, Jackie and Jade locked eyes. Nodding to each other, Jade and Jackie simultaneously flipped backward. Vanessa's one-handed grip was broken while Origami's light paper body bent, and so the two villains caught Zhīxin's blast instead as Jackie and Jade escaped their captors.
Roaring in anger, Vanessa Barone produced a whip and flicked it at Jackie, who bounced off a wall to dodge it. "Jade," he ordered. "Go get Tohru!"
For once, Jade didn't argue. As Zhīxin and Origami focused their attacks on Jackie, she slipped away, only for Vanessa's whip to seize her by the ankle. "Not a chance, brat!" Vanessa seethed. "I'm not underestimating you again!"
"Just my luck!" Jade thought. With a scream, she leapt up and kicked Vanessa in her oversized chin. Vanessa stumbled back, and Jade took the opportunity to shout again. "T! Uncle! We got trouble!"
She was about to say more when Vanessa, having teleported right behind her, slammed her into the floor, pressing her face against the tiles. "Shut up!" she shouted.
"Jade!" Jackie shouted as he looked over at his niece, but before he could run to her he was forced to fend off another attack from Origami. The master thief had been hounding Jackie relentlessly with blades he had shaped from his arms, blades that Jackie knew from experience were deadly sharp. Zhīxin, in the meanwhile, was hanging back, maintaining a steady glow around his hand.
"Oh no you don't!" the monk chortled. "You stay right here while Vanessa takes care of that little annoyance of yours."
The relic hunter in question was currently putting more of her weight on Jade, causing the girl to gasp for breath as the strain increased. "I've come too far to get interrupted now. It's just you and I, and I am not dealing with whatever your little goon squad has cooked up tonight!"
"Then Uncle suggests you fight much quieter!" came a familiar voice. Vanessa had just enough time to look up before being shoved off Jade with tremendous force, sending her crashing into a wall.
"Are you alright?" Tohru asked as he lifted Jade to her feet, dusting her off slightly. Uncle was standing beside him, holding his glowing instruments of chi magic.
"Taken worse hits in training," she said, wiping a bit of blood away from under her nose. "At least I didn't break anything this time."
"Noted," Tohru replied before turning to face Vanessa, who was unsteadily trying to get up. "Now then, I would suggest you stop now."
"Why, because you don't want to hurt a lady?" Vanessa snarked as she tried to clear her head.
"No, because this tuxedo was rather expensive, and I'd prefer not to destroy it in the process of beating you unconscious," Tohru replied, cracking his knuckles. He flexed, and his jacket's sleeves tore off. From the way he glared at her, it was clear why he used to be the Dark Hand's top enforcer.
"Ah, got it," Vanessa mumbled under her breath. "Well, I think we've all gotten a bit too heated, so let's cool down-"
Suddenly, Vanessa vanished and reappeared behind Uncle, knocking his blowfish out of his hand and grabbing onto his arms.
"-or I'll break his arms like twigs," she finished with a smirk.
"Ah, you know to separate wizard from weapons! Half credit," Uncle said, seemingly unperturbed by his imprisonment.
"Wha-" Vanessa began, only to yelp as Uncle stomped on her foot, causing her grip to loosen. With a swift motion, he twisted his arms free of her grip and all but flew away, picking up his blowfish as he did.
"But you forget, chi magic not Uncle's only weapon," Uncle continued, a smug grin lighting up his face. "Now," he began, pointing the blowfish at her, "Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao! Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!"
A bolt of energy shot out of the blowfish and nailed Vanessa, but she recovered quickly, casting her whip at Tohru's neck. Tohru cried out in pain and stumbled around for a few moments, wandering into Jackie's fight. Finally taking action, Zhīxin blasted him backwards, sending him crashing to the floor.
As Tohru fell, the entire room began to shake, causing various artifacts to wobble on their plinths. Jackie, Jade, and Uncle turned and, in complete harmony, began rushing around the room to right the pieces, ignoring the three foes who were regrouping in the back.
"You couldn't have launched that blast any sooner?" Origami grunted at Zhīxin, who sighed.
"Ancient wisdom: Too many cooks spoil the broth," he replied. "I need to time my shots very carefully, and with the way you were fighting, I couldn't guarantee leaving you unharmed. Besides, you were handling it, weren't you?"
Origami growled, but stopped when Vanessa snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Focus! We can't fall apart now; if we start fighting each other, then we don't have a chance. Besides I have a plan."
"Oh? And what is it?" Zhīxin asked.
"You'll see," Vanessa said with a sinister smile as she primed her whip. "Hey Chan!" she shouted, drawing the martial artist's attention. "Take this!" she continued, swinging her whip in a wide arc.
Puzzled, Jackie moved to dodge away, only to gasp as he saw the whip head straight for a priceless vase on a nearby plinth. Instead, he stayed still, protecting the vase but letting the whip knock the air out of him, sending him to his knees.
Seeing this, Origami and Zhīxin both started grinning. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" the monk asked, his hands lighting up.
Origami nodded, lifting up his bladed arms. "This space is far too crowded. It could use some...redecorating."
With that, the two began firing and swinging recklessly, aiming as much for the artifacts as for the Chans. It was a chaotic mess of paper blades, teleporting whip strikes, and energy blasts as the Chans frantically tried to protect both themselves and the exhibit.
By pure chance, Jackie dodged one of Origami's strikes and ended up next to Jade, who was protecting Tohru, who had been knocked out by Zhīxin's blast. "We've got to get them out of here!" he hissed. "It's only a matter of time before someone notices the commotion, and then becomes another target!"
Jade nodded. "I know, I know, but how? T's out, they're all gunning for you, and Uncle and I are barely holding our own!" Suddenly, she winced as she saw and heard Uncle slam into a wall next to them courtesy of one of Vanessa's attacks.
"They're after me, not you!" Jackie shot back, dodging attacks all the while. "If I can just get somewhere else, they'll leave you alone and come after me!"
"Okay, that's a start, but how are you going to get all three of them to go after you, without getting yourself killed?" Jade snapped as she bent under energy blasts and stray whip strikes.
Jackie was silent for a moment as he continued to evade the villains' attacks. He knew every inch of this museum. After all, he'd been supplying them with artifacts for years. With split-second thinking, he leaned over to grab Uncle and shoved him and Jade against Tohru's slowly recovering form. "Stay put!" he ordered them. Then he dashed out the door behind the villains, leaping over Origami's blades, ducking under Vanessa's whip, and somersaulting in between Zhīxin's energy blasts as he did.
For a few seconds, the villains stood stupefied. Then, without a word, they charged through the door after him, leaving Jade, Uncle, and Tohru alone.
"Ugh," Tohru muttered as he finally came to. "What happened?"
"Uncle remembered why he prefers to use chi magic," Uncle groaned.
"We kinda got our butts kicked. But don't worry: I'm sure Jackie's got a plan," Jade said. "And whether he does or not," she thought, reaching into a pocket of her tuxedo and pulling out her phone, "I'd better take some precautions."
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This new room was an exhibit on Indian relics, but it was hardly Jackie's goal. Instead, as his enemies charged in behind him, he shoved aside a maintenance worker and threw open a nearby door, revealing a broom closet. He grabbed a mop in one hand and a spray bottle of cleaning fluid in the other. "I'm sorry, I'll bring these back later, thank you!" he shouted as he shoved the janitor into the closet and slammed the door.
Zhīxin's blasts were the first attacks when Jackie emerged, but he sidestepped them and whipped the mop around, slapping the old monk in the face. Origami lunged and slashed during this, but Jackie sprayed him with the cleaning fluid and the tips of Origami's blades turned soggy at the last minute, giving Jackie nothing more than a wet slap. Vanessa teleported in behind him, but he heard her just in time and swung the mop back, slamming the handle into her neck and sending her stumbling into an elephant statue. Zhīxin, blinded, aimed at the source of the noise and fired, but Vanessa evaded it by teleporting away.
While he had a minute, Jackie unscrewed the lid on the bottle and dumped its contents over the mop, then ran it over Origami. His papery form soaked, Origami transformed into his human self: a skinny, sharp-faced Japanese man in a purple robe.
"Ah, you remember my weaknesses, Chan-Jackie-Chan!" Origami, or rather, Kuniko Kasahara, snarled. "I would expect nothing less!"
Kasahara took a fighting stance and leapt for a flying kick, but Jackie tumbled backwards and left him to crash into Zhīxin, only for Vanessa to materialize in front of him and punch him into the other two villains, dropping his makeshift weapons along the way. Then, just for fun, she whipped a small statue of Indra off of its plinth to shatter, enjoying the look on Jackie's face. "Just a cheap knock-off," she taunted. "I should know. I got five grand for the real one years ago."
Groaning, Jackie quickly pushed himself to his feet and backed away from the still recovering Kasahara and Zhīxin. "You know, for partners, the three of you seem to be pretty cavalier about friendly fire," he mused as he examined the room, looking for a way out.
"Ancient wisdom: It is the foolish man who blames the river when he falls in," Zhīxin said. At Jackie's puzzled expression, he sighed. "We're not going to blame ourselves for your misdirections."
"We knew this would not be a clean battle, Chan-Jackie-Chan," Kasahara said as he shook himself out, slowly starting to refold his body. "But there is no treasure to turn us against each other, no thread of mistrust."
"We know we're awful people who'd flip on each other in the blink of an eye," Vanessa said. "But here, we only have one goal; seeing you dead. And if that takes getting hit by an energy blast or two, then so be it."
"Oh, okay," Jackie muttered as his mind started racing. "They're not wrong!" he thought. "Right now, they're not thieves, they're assassins! If I want to break them up, ego's my last option, and I don't think any of them want me dead any more than the-"
Suddenly, Jackie's eyes lit up. "Of course!" he thought as he mentally reviewed his map of the museum. If he was right, then it was only a short trip to the…
"Hey!" he shouted, focusing the villains' attention on him. "You want me so bad? Well...try and catch me!" he continued as he dove through a separate door, leaving his foes to follow behind.
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"So they chased him into the next room and that's the last you saw of them?" Captain Black asked over the phone.
"Yep. Jackie seemed like he had a plan, but it didn't make sense not to use the hotline," Jade replied, pacing the room.
"Good thinking," Captain Black agreed. "Jade, I'm trusting you on this; what would you suggest as a response?"
"Surround the perimeter so they don't get away, but only send a small group inside. The whole point is to prevent collateral damage, not drag the museum into a giant action sequence," Jade answered. Her voice was oddly serious and no-nonsense, almost completely unlike her usual personality.
"I agree with the call. We'll be there in under ten minutes," Captain Black said, before hanging up the phone.
As soon as the call was done, Jade relaxed. "Glad that's over with," she said, only to get whacked in the head by Uncle. "OW!"
"Aiyah!" he shouted. "Jade, you possessed by evil spirit again?"
"Ugh, no," Jade replied, rubbing her head. "It's part of my training. It's supposed to be a mentality of absolute logic or some garbage like that, so you can make decisions without emotions getting in the way. Pretty hard for me to get into the mindset, but I think Jackie needed that more than he needed an army heading in here," she continued, sighing.
"Hmph! Jade using too many tricky spy skills! Is forgetting the basics!" Uncle scoffed.
Jade was about to snap at him when Tohru put his hands between them. "Now now, let's deal with this later. The most important thing is helping Jackie. So, where do you think he is?"
"Well, he wouldn't have stayed in that room for long. He'd want to take them somewhere where no one and nothing important could be hurt," Jade thought aloud.
"Yes," Uncle agreed. "One more thing! Jackie would try to turn them against each other. Has worked for him before."
Jade shook her head. "Nah, I don't think that'll work this time. They don't want treasure, they just want revenge. It'd take something pretty drastic to turn them against-" Jade stopped short as the entire group's eyes widened in realization. "Oh no."
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Jackie gracefully leapt down the stairs to the basement storage area. One massive room, this was where the museum stored all of its excess relics, those that they couldn't find room for in exhibits for the time being. Everything was neatly labeled and categorized, from tiki idols to Stone Age knives, Zulu shields to Sui dynasty mortars.
Origami arrived first in the form of a paper gazelle before shifting into a gorilla. Beating his chest with a loud roar, the paper assassin then lunged over a table of ancient chopsticks. Jackie stepped back and seized a gladiator shield from behind him, using it to block Origami's fist, but was sent flying by one of Zhīxin's blasts as the monk leapt up atop the gorilla's shoulders.
As Jackie tried to get up, Vanessa blinked into existence just behind Origami, her whip already in motion. It caught him from behind, wrapped around his waist and, with a flick of Vanessa's wrist, sent him flying back at Origami, who caught Jackie in his open arms. As Origami started to squeeze, Jackie kicked Origami in the stomach, loosening his grip and allowing him to shove him backwards into Vanessa, knocking Zhīxin off in the process. He then grabbed a khopesh from another table and slashed it at Origami's arm, slicing it clean off.
"Bwah!" Jackie exclaimed, stunned at the act of violence he'd just committed, but Origami generated a new arm as quickly as he'd lost the old one, then shifted again into a cobra, slithering underneath one of the many tables and hiding within the darkness.
Zhīxin attacked next, running atop a table with speed unexpected of his age and trying to karate chop Jackie, but Jackie caught his hand with the handle of the sword. However, Zhīxin just smirked as his hand started to glow. In a moment, Jackie yelped as the sword was blasted out of his hand.
"Ancient wisdom: Never bring a sword to a gunfight," Zhīxin taunted as he blew on his smoking hand. "And the same goes true for magic."
Annoyed, Jackie leapt and threw a punch at the old monk's smug face, but Zhīxin rolled away, leaving Jackie to smash his hand on the oak desk beneath. Shaking it in pain, he spun and kicked Vanessa just as she appeared beside him. As she gasped, he reached down and grabbed an aboriginal spear, twirling it in his hands.
"How did you know?!" Vanessa snarled as she tried to regain her breath.
"You didn't know? There's a bit of a 'zip' whenever you teleport. Hard to hear at first, but you've been using it so much that I've gotten the hang of it," Jackie explained calmly as he blocked her oncoming punches. However, as he blocked, he suddenly felt something slide in between his legs, wrapping around them. Off balance, he collapsed, only to see Origami's cobra form encircling his legs and hissing at him, baring its saber-like paper fangs. Jackie quickly grabbed the snake by the neck, tossed it away, then leapt straight up and began sprinting across tables and desks. All the while, even with the villains right behind him, he was casting his eyes around the entire room. "Where is it? Where is it?"
Finally, he saw what he was looking for. There, sitting on a table surrounded by various odds and ends, was a very familiar urn, one which seemed to be glowing faintly under the fluorescent lights. Reaching down, he picked it up and turned to face the oncoming villains.
"Uh, catch!" he cried, tossing it at Vanessa Barone. Absolutely stunned at this, Vanessa actually caught the ancient amphora, staring at it as she did. As she looked it over, a golden glint began to emerge in her eyes.
"Well, well, hello beautiful," she murmured, letting her whip fall to the floor. "You know what? I think you and I were meant to be."
"Give me that!" Origami snapped, returning to his human form as he yanked it out of Vanessa's hands. "It is a treasure worthy of a master thief, not a common criminal like yourself!"
"You're both wrong!" Zhīxin added, glaring at the two. "It is obviously an artifact of great magical power. It should go to the one with the most wisdom, who of course is me!"
"Oh give me a break!" Vanessa retorted, snatching the urn back. "Half your quotes make no sense and the other half you get from fortune cookies. Your only 'wisdom' is how to get trapped in a magic temple like a chump!"
"Why you…!" Zhīxin snarled as he grabbed a hold of the urn, trying to pry it out of Vanessa's hands. Kasahara soon joined in, and in a few moments the three villains were a bundle of grasping limbs, a steady glow coming from the amphora at the center.
Jackie breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, that's one problem solved. Now-"
"Jackie!" came a familiar voice as Jade rushed down the stairs, followed closely by Uncle, Tohru, and Captain Black. Strangely, all four were wearing black sunglasses with green symbols painted on them. "Are you okay?"
"I'm alright," he said as he swept his niece into a hug. "But, um, why the glasses?"
"Precaution against urn's magic!" Uncle replied. "Spell is tied to glow, so sunglasses should protect!"
"I'm lucky I had a couple pairs on me," Captain Black said as he walked over to Jackie, staring at the pile of villains. "I've got two guys upstairs and ten covering all the entrances. You have a plan?"
Jackie nodded. "With them so distracted, it'll be easy to knock them out. I shut the amphora off, we take them into custody, and talk to the curators in the morning."
"Right, right, sounds reasonable," Captain Black said. "Although…"
"Although...what?" Jackie asked hesitantly, slowly backing away from the man.
"We could just take the thing now. I mean, it's not like anyone's going to stop us, right?" he replied, a sick smile starting to grow on his face. Beneath the lens of his sunglasses, Jackie saw a golden gleam.
"Oh no, not again!" Jackie moaned, only to gasp as he heard Jade start to moan. Bending down, he asked, "Jade! What's wrong?"
"Ugh, it's like...something pounding in my brain…" Jade mumbled, her eyes squeezed shut. "Some...need…"
"IT'S MINE!" Tohru roared, charging at the trio of villains, shortly followed by Captain Black. Now, only Jackie, Jade, and Uncle were left, and the latter two were on their knees.
"I don't understand!" Jackie said, leaning down to support Uncle. "I thought those sunglasses should have worked!"
"Urn...too strong for slapdash spell," Uncle moaned. "Magic too different…"
Jackie's eyes widened in realization. "Like the Oni Masks," he mumbled. "Whatever this thing is, chi magic's no good against it! But then why are you and Jade still, you know…?"
"Not caught off-guard this time," Uncle mumbled. "Uncle and Jade have strong wills...can resist mass spell like this...Tohru too subservient...Captain Black always weak to magic…but can't resist forever..."
"Wonderful," Jade muttered. "Brain hurts so muchI can hardly think...but at least I won't go crazy for another thirty seconds..."
Jackie looked over at his ailing relatives, then at the pile of friends and foes thrashing around a golden light. Slowly, he stood up and started walking towards the pile.
"Just got to touch the amphora and the spell will turn off," Jackie thought as he drew closer. "Just got to grab the amphora. Just got to take the amphora. Just got to have the amphora…"
Realizing his train of thought, Jackie began to rapidly shake his head to clear it, but the thoughts kept coming. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jade and Uncle making their way into the fracas. They were going to take the urn. His urn. He had to stop them. He had to...
Suddenly, a cracking sound filled the air. Startled, Jackie, Jade, and Uncle all stopped where they were, a few feet from the pile of people. The urn was hovering in the air, all of the people frozen around it as it emitted a powerful golden glow. Cracks were running all over it, spreading in every direction. The sound was deafening.
"Must...stop...but...can't...move," Jackie thought as his body tensed. Whatever was happening seemed to have cleared his mind, but left him paralyzed. From what he could see, everyone else was in the same state.
The cracks continued, the glow grew stronger, and then, all at once, the urn exploded. Acrid, bitter green smoke filled the air, along with flashing lights of every color. And then, an ear-splitting cackle.
Everyone stared as the smoke formed into the shape of a young woman, more of a teenaged girl, really, before quickly transmuting into flesh and blood. She was short and olive-skinned, her hair simultaneously a rainbow of colors and a rat's nest of tangles. One of her eyes was brown, the other green, and the brown one was considerably larger. In fact, everything about the woman seemed to be lopsided, unbalanced, or some sort of hodgepodge, from her patchwork dress of dull rags and white silk to her unmatching sandals in two different sizes. But despite all that, the girl had a strange sort of beauty about her, her imperfections adding up to a unified whole. It was wholly contradictory. It was impossible. It was…
"Divine," Uncle managed to mutter.
"Bingo!" the woman laughed, showing off her crooked but dazzling teeth. She let out a belch, and suddenly a swarm of flies appeared and flew off with an oblivious buzz. "Whoops! Sorry, been holding that in for centuries."
Feeling started returning to the group's extremities, and as soon as it did, Uncle pulled a bottle from his pocket and poured its contents over his blowfish. With a chant, energy beams fired out directly at the newcomer, but, to everyone's shock, she merely yawned as they fizzled against her.
"Chi magic," the woman sighed. "How adorable."
"Impossible!" Uncle gasped. "That potion had triple-dose of garlic! Blast should have knocked her out cold!"
"Who are you?" Jade demanded. It seemed they could speak freely now although, as Jackie discovered with a frown, their feet were still glued to the floor.
"Aw, nice to know you care, sweet cheeks!" the woman cooed. When she wasn't laughing, her voice was actually quite pleasant sounding; yet another contradiction. "But sorry, that's privileged information. Didn't used to be, but hey, times change."
"How did you get in here?" Captain Black asked. Noticing the others looking at him, he sighed. "Yes, I know, she was in the urn, I get that. I more meant how she got out."
"You know, I could tell you, but…" the woman pretended to think for a moment, then chuckled. "Anyway, where is this? Knossos? Thrace? Don't tell me I ended up all the way in Iberia again!"
"You're in San Francisco, U.S.A., you airhead," Vanessa muttered, prompting a gasp from the girl.
"Wait, you mean that I got dragged all the way to that dinky little continent on the other side of the ocean?" she moaned. "Jeez, and I thought I'd been found by someone with class! Well, whatever. Gotta make do with what you got. You three," she said, pointing to Vanessa, Kasahara, and Zhīxin, "you all look psychotic enough. You're coming with me. The rest of you, nice not knowing ya!"
With that, the woman let out another cackle, snapped her fingers, and vanished in a plume of rainbow-colored smoke. In a few moments, Jackie's foes followed her, Vanessa fading out like a silent film star, Kasahara folding in on himself until he just vanished, and Zhīxin being absorbed into a giant lotus that quickly disappeared. Meanwhile, the rest of the group found themselves sprawled onto the floor and unable to get up, suddenly drained of all energy.
"Bad day," Jackie sighed as he stared up at the ceiling, now marked with a giant graffiti apple.
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GPQ: So a thief, an assassin and a treasure hunter enter a museum…
MP: Is this your way of starting a joke?
GPQ: No, it's just my way of starting an outro for this and a preview for the next chapter.
PA2: No, see, you can't respond seriously, it ruins the joke we were setting up.
MP: Yeah, like you know anything about jokes, PA2. You're the straight man, remember?
PA2: Well until we work out the dynamic with Phantom Queen, I'm going to dabble in roles to see which one fits.
MP: I pity the people who don't have the luxury of knowing who they are.
PA2: Oh, hush. Like you would know sophisticated comedy if it jumped up and-
MP: *fart noise*
GPQ: Oh stuff it you two! Now, where was I? Oh right.
Next time: What is the secret of the amphora? Who is this mysterious woman? What does she want with the relic hunters? And where do the Chans fit into all of this? Next time, a history lesson is interrupted by a brewing storm, as the year of magicless peace has finally come to an end...
"Zeus on the Loose" coming soon.
GPQ: So, does this work?
MP: Eh, it's passable.
PA2: It's all right. After all, you have lots of time to fine-tune this.
GPQ: (Shrugs shoulders) I'll take what I can get.