Chapter 2:
"Set a course for Earth Joker," Shepard commanded as she returned from the funeral. "The Illusive man told me to bring Miranda and Jacob's bodies to their base there."
"Sounds good Commander. Shouldn't take us long to get there," Joker replied.
"'I'll be in my quarters if you need me, but no disturbances unless it's an emergency."
"You got it," he responded as the com clicked off.
She took the elevator in silence up to her quarters. Once inside, she stopped to start up the shower, then walked back towards her locker to strip out of her dress blues. The uniform felt contaminated with her loss. Though it was refreshing having her own quarters and not forced into the bunks with the rest of the crew after the day's events, she sometimes missed the easy camaraderie that came with the close living conditions. She knew the crew were in the mess hall right now drinking to Tali, Miranda, and Jacob's memory and sharing stories. She wanted to join them, and though they wouldn't tell her to leave, she knew if she showed her rank would get in the way of their healing. She saw it happen before.
The lukewarm shower only partially helped return her to reality. She was lost somewhere, adrift on her thoughts-floating down memories and trying desperately to remember Tali's face and the last thing she said to her crew members before they died. She couldn't remember.
She got out of the shower and dried off in silence. She put on her sweats and crawled into the center of the large bed, pulling the blankets around her.
"EDI?" Shepard asked the empty room.
"Yes Commander?"
"Put on a show for me."
"Any preferences?"
"Something I don't have to think about."
"Of course, Commander."
Shepard laid down and snuggled into the blankets. The quippy theme song started and quickly drove any lingering thoughts from her mind.
On the third or the thirtieth episode, Shepherd's door chimed.
"EDI? Who's at the door?"
"Garrus."
"Let him in."
He entered the room and made his way to her side.
"Need something Garrus?" she asked him.
"Just came to check on you," he replied.
"How's the wake?" she asked.
"Missing you."
She smiled at him and shook her head. "No, it's best I stay here."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. If it was just you guys I'd come down, but not with the other crew around." She patted the edge of the bed and bid him to sit next to her.
"Isn't it good for the crew to see you now?" he asked as he took a seat.
"You'd think, but no. I've seen it before and it causes problems."
"What happened?"
"When I was in N4 training, we lost a teammate. Val. She was our demolitionist," Shepard explained. "We were on the edge, about to transition into N5. We got in a firefight with Batarian slavers when she got hit and went down hard and fast. It hit us hard, Val was an expert and kind of the kid sister of the team. We all looked out for her. At her wake, we sat around drinking, swapping stories and remembering her in all the good ways and bad. Then our commanding officer walked in.
"It was like we were completely different people. Instead of sharing memories and morning Val, everyone was pretending like it didn't effect them. They wanted to show how strong they were, how ready they were for N5, how prepared they were to take on more losses."
"Could he tell?"
"No. I don't think he could sense the shift in the tone of the room. It wasn't that we didn't like, or respect the guy, it was just an intrusion on a private moment. There's something about being a marine that prevents you from showing weakness to a superior officer. Maybe it's a holdover from basic training, but we don't want anything to get in the way of advancement. Many in that group never properly mourned Val's death, and the next loss we faced nearly tore our squad apart."
"I guess that's why I'm not an officer." Garrus replied. "I thought it would be good for you to be with them."
"Oh, it would be great for me, but I have to think of what's best for them. They need to bond and mourn together. They need to heal as a unit."
"My dad always told me Command shifts your perspective."
"That it does." Shepard trailed off.
"We headed to Earth?" Garrus asked after the silence between them stretched too thin.
"Yea. Cerberus base there. Returning Miranda and Jacob, then I can wash my hands of the Illusive Man once and for all."
"Think it will go smoothly?"
"I hope so. Those two were important to him. He wants them back and I want to get them home."
"Well when we get to Earth, let's get the group together and go for a drink."
"I don't know…"
"You've given the crew space, but you need time to be with your friends."
"We'll see how they are operating tomorrow."
"I'll take it." Garrus stated looking satisfied with himself.
"Can you stay?" Shepard abruptly asked him in the silence that started to encroach upon them.
He gestured for her to make room for him on the bed and stretched his long form out beside her. After shifting a few times to get comfortable, he hummed a deep, contented rumble, slipped his hand in hers, and together they finished out the series.