Chapter 37.

On barely any sleep, and way too early in the morning, Bella and I are already walking down the beach. We're scorching under the sun, fully geared up in our uniforms and with Emmett trailing behind us, probably still half asleep, as we try to find where we need to go.

The National Cheerleading Championship and its many complicated divisions are run by the National Cheerleading Association. Summit University competes in Division I, large coed, but there's also small coed, and all-girl divisions, all competing at the same time.

All teams perform on Saturday, Day 1, and then based on points, the top teams of each division compete on Sunday, Day 2, or the finals for the championship. You're National Champions if you win your division, and Grand National Champions if you score the highest across all teams from all divisions. Our chances are decent at both titles since Coach Hale's routine has enough points to go around, but we still have to hit everything with no deductions to place well.

Of course, Bella and I are also competing in the partner stunt event, which runs simultaneously, with a Day 1 and Day 2 Finals format. So for Day 1, we're set to perform in the morning, just Bella and I, and then again in the afternoon with our whole team.

"Base, flyer, and spotter." The lady checks our badges and lets us in through to the back of the stage, where we'll wait until it's our turn. We decided to wait back here instead of up front because I would rather not watch the other partner stunts that go before us, afraid it will mess with my head.

My head is a mess regardless as we wait and wait. My stomach too.

I feel like I'm going to hurl.

I've never been so nervous in my life.

I stay behind Bella, her hand in mine, trying to hide my nerves from her, so I don't make her anxious too.

She's been quiet. Focused. Her attention is on the stage as the next pair goes up.

Which means, we're next.

It's so fucking hot.

My scalp feels like it's burning, radiating down my neck. I wipe my forehead with the towel Bella got me before I toss it over her drawstring bag. Our badges, phones, and water bottles are tucked in there, piled next to the other ones by the stage.

I look up at the ceiling fan, begging it to spin harder or colder or blow some air my way.

"You got this, babe." Emmett clasps his hands on my shoulders before turning to face me. "You good?" He looks worried as his eyes scan my face.

I take a deep breath through puffed cheeks as Bella turns to look at me. "Why is it so fucking hot?" I smile shakily at Bella who squeezes my hand in support. I swallow down the bile in my throat.

Fuck, I'm going to be sick.

"Don't you dare," Emmett says, his fingers pressed on my chest as if he knows. "It's just nerves."

I let go of Bella's hand and step back, my eyes scanning the room for a trashcan or something. I swallow again.

"C'mon, bro, breathe," he says, patting my chest. "Palms are sweaty. Mom's spaghetti. You know the drill. Just breathe it out."

Her parents are out there. Sammy, too. Plus a few of the kids I've worked with and who look up to me. This is the biggest event in the cheerleading sport. Fuck, even my mom is watching on the Varsity channel.

In a partner stunt competition, there's no one to hide behind out there—no teammates—just Bella and me out on that stage, Emmett next to us in case I drop her.

Fuck, what if I drop her?

The weight of disappointing everyone crushes my shoulders.

"Cullen…" Bella is standing in front of me, but I don't dare look down. "Hey!" she says loudly, grabbing onto my hands. "Close your eyes," she instructs as I look at her.

"Swan—"

"Close 'em." She wraps my fingers tightly, bringing our hands up between us as I follow her instructions. "Don't think. Just feel."

The past months flash before my eyes. All the way back to the end of last summer when I hopelessly struggled to keep myself away from her. What a fool I was for fighting it. How she held my fingers then, just as she does now.

I breathe harshly and focus on her, on her touch, on her words. And try to just feel. Just feel her.

It works a little. I start to breathe a little easier.

I take a few more deep breaths before I open my eyes, and all I see is her. Her eyes wide and hopeful. Her confidence in me. Her trust. Her love.

I don't know what will happen out there, but I will not drop her.

"You ready?" she asks rushedly; they're already calling us.

"Yeah." I nod, letting one of her hands go, keeping the other one in mine.

"Let's gooooo." Emmett pushes us both forward to the five steps that lead to the stage as they announce our names.

We walk out as cheers erupt, and we do the customary waves, at the crowd and the judges. With her arms over her head and her fingers in a W, for Summit Wildcats, Bella sets herself in front of me.

As soon as the music starts, I lower myself behind her, hands on her hips, and toss her up into a double-up cupie.

It's a rough one. I don't know if it's the sun, right in my eyes, or my nerves, or what, but she lands low on my chest, so instead of a cupie, I have to use both hands to lift her up. I take a few steps for balance as well.

Deductions galore.

I bring her down, and she gets ready in front of me, tapping her fingers on my wrists, my hands at her hips, before I move one back for the one-arm rewind. Cupie to the left, which I hit, shaky as fuck, but I hit it.

There's a double I mess up afterward. She lands again at my chest level, and I have to bring her up, which is so much harder than landing it over my head from the get-go.

On her transition on the split, she looks at me. "It's okay," she mouths before she turns with a smile to wave and face the judges.

Then she turns to me again and gets ready for the front handspring full. Even the one in Heelys was better than this one.

I'm fucking pissed at myself while my arms shake as I try to push her up. Then the full lib lands on my chest…again. My arms are done, and I barely manage to bring her up before she pops off at the end of our routine.

"Holy shit." I breathe out as she waves and cheers in front of me. Then she turns to me, arms around my neck in a hug. I hold her with everything I have. "I'm sorry," I whisper into her ear.

"It's okay," she says, holding onto my hand as we walk off the stage. Emmett pats a hand on my shoulder as I take down the steps myself.

I groan as we're out of view. Someone hands me a water bottle, which I throw on the floor. I turn to Bella who is looking down, hands-on-hips, her breathing labored, probably also disappointed in me.

"Hey, that was a good fight!" Emmett says between us, trying to cheer me up. "It's so much harder to save an imperfect stunt than to land a perfect one."

"I fucking choked."

"That's okay," he insists. "You got it out of your system. And still, you didn't drop any stunts. You'll qualify for finals, and you'll show them who's boss tomorrow. Okay?"

I breathe out harshly and try to keep the anger from consuming me.

"Swan, you good?" Emmett asks, and then I look at her again. She's still facing down but now has one hand braced against the wall. Then all of my concerns about my performance vanish.

Bella is not okay.

"Hey…" I inch closer to her.

"I'm just a little dizzy," she says softly as I crouch in front of her. Her eyes are closed, and she uses one hand to try to fix the hairs that have come out of her ponytail.

"All right, come here." I wrap an arm around her while Emmett and I guide her out of the crowded backstage until we find a bench in the shade where she can sit.

She's fanning her face with a hand, her eyes still closed. Emmett comes closer with a bottle of Gatorade and hands it to Bella. Bella only has a sip before she hands it back.

"C'mon, have a little more," I insist, pushing the bottle her way, but she puts her hand up.

"I'm good."

"Swan…"

"Cullen…" She opens her eyes with a smile, her cheeks flushing back in color. "I'm feeling better, I promise. I think you're right. It's the heat."

The heat? She's not even sweating.

"Don't worry about it, please." Her tone is calm and collected, the opposite of how I feel.

I huff and sit next to her, my elbows on my knees.

"Thanks, Grizzly," she says to Emmett.

"You kids are going to give me a heart attack," Emmett says, chugging on the Gatorade himself. "Are you both okay?"

Bella chuckles next to me as I clasp my hands together between my legs, staring at my fists.

"We are," Bella is the one who answers, softly elbowing me on my side. "We did okay."

"I got in my head. I'm sorry." I turn to her and see the genuine smile plastered on her face.

"It's okay…" She runs a hand up and down my arm. "We didn't drop any stunts. We'll qualify for tomorrow."

"I missed the first cupie."

"It's all right," she says with a chuckle, linking her fingers with mine.

"Are you sure you're okay?" My heart beats quicker inside my chest, and my head throbs as I try to suppress the dark thoughts that threaten to enter my mind. If something would have happened to her, I would have never forgiven myself.

"I'm fine." She presses her lips quickly to mine while Emmett complains.

"Can we head back to an air-conditioned room?"

She nods swiftly, tightening her fingers around mine as she gets up. "Coach is probably waiting for us."

We round the back of the stage and find Phil behind the security barricades, waiting for us.

"79.6111," is what he says as we reach him, Renee behind him, cheering and waving a Summit State flag at us. I guess we didn't do as bad as I thought. I was sure our score would drop to the 50s. "Barely top ten." Phil looks at me, clearly disappointed, but I let it slide.

I honestly don't fucking care what he thinks. My sole purpose right now is to get Bella indoors where she can eat something, make sure she's feeling better, and then get ready for our team's performance.

"Enough to qualify for finals," Bella says. It's not a question.

"Probably." Phil shrugs.

I'm annoyed, of course, and disappointed in myself as well. We've hit that routine, significantly better than today, at least the last fifty times we've practiced it. It sucks that it went south the day it mattered. But we will get a second chance tomorrow. And I won't let anything deter me from it.

~.~.~

We eat and cool down at the hotel, rest for a couple hours, before we have to get ready to leave with our team again.

Bella seems okay. She's quiet, focused, and stays by my side.

I don't feel the nerves hit me as hard this time when we get ready backstage and we huddle with our team. Maybe it's because having my teammates with me, it won't be as noticeable if I mess up. Maybe it's because I've already been on the stage and know what it feels like, so I can get over my fears. Or maybe my mind is preoccupied with Bella, who doesn't really look 100%.

She says she's fine every time I ask her, but I worry just the same as Coach Hale hypes us up and sends us in.

The crowd chants for us as we go in, our B Team, right up front, cheering the loudest.

I don't look at anyone in particular. I'm focused on hitting the routine, my attention on Bella as she moves through the stage.

Things go by quickly as the music starts.

We hit the tumbles clean, as well as our first stunt, a perfectly in-sync double-up toss by all five stunter couples.

The pyramid is flawless, as well. Everyone is solid.

Our baskets make the crowd go crazy and after the rest of the tumbles and choreo, simultaneous one-arm rewinds seal the deal.

Then, we're done.

I'm pretty sure we hit zero. No deductions. And everyone goes insane when we finish. I'm out of breath as I hug Bella to me, but so, so happy and relieved.

We'll definitely qualify for finals, and it's such a boost in confidence to do it in this flawless way.

Everyone is screaming as we walk off stage, following each other down the steps, but Bella squeezes my hand, pulling me back before we reach the steps ourselves.

"I'm not feeling well," she whispers, leaning onto me as we let other teammates pass by us.

I wrap an arm around her, helping her to the steps, before she collapses in my arms, barely giving me a chance to catch her.

"Bella?" I carry her down the steps, the mood of my team completely shifting as they realize what's happened. They crowd around us, while Coach and Jasper make their way through to us.

"What happened?" Coach asks me while Jasper is already alerting the paramedics who were on standby.

"I don't know," I say frantically as they instruct me to set her down on the floor. "She just collapsed." I set her limp body down carefully, holding her head and kneeling on the floor.

In the next few seconds, the paramedics on site check her pulse, hook her up with an oxygen mask, and move her to a gurney. She's breathing, I think. And I did hear one of them say she had a pulse. But she doesn't wake up.

Not while I'm there, with my eyes on her and my heart in my throat.

As they take her away, it hits me like a freight train. All those dark thoughts I've been trying to suppress. Everything is a blur then. Coach is on the phone with Phil while simultaneously giving Jasper instructions to guide the team back to the hotel.

I stay by Coach's side. I don't even have to say anything. She knows I'm not going back to the hotel. I'm coming with her. To the hospital. To Bella.