Chapter 39.

7:00 AM

The rush of doctors and nurses changing shifts signals the start of the morning. I've been dozing on and off in the uncomfortable waiting room chair.

Nothing from Bella.

Nothing from anyone really.

Nothing.

9:00 AM

Phil shows up carrying two bags, one I'm pretty sure is Bella's—the one she packed to come here, the one that was in the hotel room—in our hotel room. He promptly ignores me and heads to the room.

11:00 AM

I watch the partner stunt competition on my phone. A couple from the University of Kentucky wins.

2:00 PM

I grab a quick, to-go lunch and more coffee from the cafeteria and then watch my team compete with Jessica and Newton in Bella's and my place. He drops her twice.

6:00 PM

Large coed results are announced. We finish fifth in the championship. We don't win anything. I sag in the chair, my head heavy.

6:15 PM

My phone vibrates in my hand, almost making me drop it onto the floor.

Bella.

Hey, can you come see me? ~B

It's like a shot of adrenaline has been pumped into my chest. I don't even feel tired or sleepy anymore.

I'm here, I type with shaky fingers—I've had way too much coffee. I haven't left since you were admitted ~E

I'll be out in 5 ~B

6:30 PM

Bella comes out of her room, walking to the waiting room—to me. Renee is behind her but stays by the hallway.

Bella smiles sweetly at me as she comes closer, wearing clothes I don't recognize. I can almost hear my heartbeats, pumping in my ears. I keep my eyes on hers, afraid to look at her body, afraid of how it would make her feel.

"Fuck, Swan, it's so good to see you," I whisper when she stops in front of me, my body helpless, leaning over her. "Are you okay?" I know it's a stupid thing to ask, but my brain isn't quite functioning.

"Do you want to go downstairs with me?" she asks, taking a step back. I look over at Renee who's staring intently at us. "So we can talk. Just us," Bella clarifies.

"Okay." I'll agree to anything that gets me some time with her.

Bella leads the way, staying at a safe distance, and presses the elevator button without looking at me. The knit sweater she has on is way too big for her, the sleeves rolled back to her wrists. She avoids my eyes as she subconsciously picks at the tape that holds the feeding tube to her cheek.

Once we're in the elevator, Bella takes a deep breath, and when the doors close, she slams into me. Her face buries in my chest as she hugs herself to me, little sobs escaping from her.

"I'm sorry," she says, again and again.

"Swan, it's okay." I shush her through the knot in my throat, holding her close and dropping kisses onto her head. "I'm here. It's okay."

Once the doors open, Bella steps away from me, says nothing else, and walks out around the front desk and then outside while I follow behind her. She makes her way over to a couple of benches near the entrance and looks up at the building.

I wonder if her parents can see her from up there. It's probably the case since Bella stays uncharacteristically far away from me.

I have a bad feeling about everything—it envelops me like the clouds that start to darken above us.

"I'm going back with my parents to Boca Raton," Bella starts, twisting and untwisting her fingers in front of her. "They have an inpatient treatment center there where I will be admitted for a month or so until I can go back home."

"Okay," I say, trying to stay supportive, wondering how I will manage to stay in Florida and for how long. "That's a great first step, Swan."

"I'm not going back to Summit," she says without looking at me.

I figured as much.

"I'm sure there'll be some sort of accommodation so you don't miss on any credits. Your health comes first."

"You're not listening to me." She peeks up at me, and I inspect her eyes. Frustration. Anger. Pain. Fear.

"I can come back after finals week," I insist. "Do they allow visitors at the center?"

"Cullen—"

"Don't worry about me, okay? I'll figure it out." I breathe out and pull at my neck. "Just focus on getting better. That's all that matters."

She sighs and stares down at her hands. Her eyes are vacant when she looks up at me. It chills me to my bones.

"I don't want you to come visit me," she starts. "It's over."

"What's over?"

"This. Us," she says calmly, and it's like the metaphorical rug is pulled out from under me, and I fall on my metaphorical ass. Completely blindsided. "I'm sorry I let it go on for so long," Bella closes her eyes as she continues, tearing me apart with every word. "You were right. You do hold me back." She throws my words back at me, from that night at our bench when we discussed our summer plans. "And I need to focus on myself from now on."

"Swan, don't do this." My voice is barely a whisper.

"You should go back to Utah and go on with your life." She tries to keep her voice steady, but I see through her. Her eyes are full of tears when she opens them. She's shaking, hugging herself with her own arms. "So you won't be a distraction for me anymore."

"Is this you or Phil talking?" I spit back, feeling everything inside of me crumble.

"I need to do what's best for me. I don't want to be pitted against my family anymore."

"That's not what I'm doing!" I pull at my hair. "Is this about the tour this summer? I'll go if it's what you want."

"It's not about the tour," she says, looking up at me, her facade crumbling. "I don't want you to see me like this." She runs her hands under her eyes, wiping away her tears.

"Swan—" I take a step closer, but she lifts a hand up to stop me.

"Please, just respect my wishes," she says, taking a step back. "I-I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to talk to you. Don't come looking for me. Don't try to reach me at all."

"Is that really what you want?" My voice is hoarse with exhaustion and pain.

She takes a deep breath, shaking her head, then takes a step back. "Yes. I'm sorry." She sobs then she turns around and walks away from me for good.

~.~.~

The sun is setting and the rain is pouring when I make it back to the hotel. I open the door to the room, barely registering that Emmett and Vicky are there. They both stare at me as if they've been waiting.

I faceplant on one of the beds, the one Bella and I slept on the night before the competition. Forty-eight hours ago or so.

I eye the bench next to the TV, where I had placed our bags when we first checked in. Bella's was half open yesterday morning, before we left for the competition, stuff spilling out of it as per usual, with mine neatly tucked next to hers. Now it's only my bag there. Everything else is gone.

"Where's her stuff?" My voice is muffled by half my face pressed against the mattress.

"Her dad came and got everything this morning," Vicky says, sitting at the edge of the other bed, facing me. So it was Bella's bag that Phil was carrying.

"What's going on?" Emmett asks as I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling instead. The fan is turning slowly in a hypnotizing circle. "Is Swan okay?"

"She's not okay," I say simply. "She's stable, but she needs treatment. Inpatient treatment. She's going home with her parents so she can get better there."

"So, are you staying in Florida?" Emmett asks. "Or are you coming back with us tomorrow morning?"

"She wants nothing to do with me." My voice seems detached from my body. My words don't register. The pain in my chest swallows me whole. I watch through the corner of my eye at how Vicky and Emmett look at each other, then I finally let myself pass out.

~.~.~

I go through the motions. Bus ride. Airport. Flight. Second bus ride. Until we're finally back in Ogden.

My mind never stops spinning. It feels like I left half of myself back in Florida.

I decide I can't just sit here and do nothing. So after we bring our bags to the dorm and Emmett drops on his bed, I turn to him.

"Can I borrow your Jeep?" I could book a Greyhound to Portland, but then I'd be stuck there. "It's for a long trip."

"Where're we going?" He props himself up on his elbows, looking expectantly at me. When I don't answer, he sits up and reaches for his keys nonetheless like the good friend he is.

"You need to study for finals. I don't know how long it would take." We have roughly a week before finals, and I'm hoping I'll be back in time to cram what I need to pass. Not that it matters that much anymore.

He scoffs, standing up. "We have all week."

"I can go by myself," I insist. "It's fine."

He hands me the keys, looking up at me. "Babe, are you okay?" It's what he's been asking me, it seems, every five seconds since we left the hotel in Daytona.

"Stop asking me, all right?" I close a fist over the keys and throw a few clean things into my backpack. "Because I don't know what to say."

"When will you be back?"

"In a couple days, I think." According to Google Maps, it'a a fifteen-hour to drive. I won't make it there tonight, but tomorrow, hopefully. If I get too tired, I'll stop somewhere in Idaho or Oregon.

"Okay, do what you have to do." Emmett stands and clasps both hands on my shoulders then brings me in for a hug. "Take care of yourself. Call me…anytime, okay?"

I nod and walk over to the door, Emmett's voice halts me, with my hand on the knob.

I stop to consider, not knowing whether my destination would mean anything to him, but I tell him anyway.

"Forks, Washington."