Chapter 43.

I can feel her—smell her—before she stands in front of me. Her face is bright, freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose and her cheeks, so many new ones since I last saw her.

"Hi," she says, shyly, smiling at me.

"Hello." My voice is steady. Strong. I hold my ground.

"Oh my god…" I hear Seth say next to me, my eyes still trained on Bella's. "I can't believe I get to meet Bella Swan, the Bella Swan, here at Summit!"

Seth continues to fangirl over Bella, but his words don't register with me. She smiles politely at him, nodding along as he showers her with compliments.

I try to force my eyes to look away from her, but they don't listen. Not a single part of my body does.

Memories of us play before my eyes. Our first kiss in the back hallway of this very gym. How her lips felt against mine. How much time I wasted, trying hopelessly not to kiss her.

How right we felt together. Before she took it all away.

"I seem to need a partner for stunt trials," she says to me, blushing. Her hands clasp in front of her, fingers intertwined.

My palms itch.

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

"Perfect timing," I say easily, and Bella's smile spreads. "Seth needs a flyer, too."

Bella doesn't hide her disappointment as she turns to look at Seth.

"Me?" Seth's eyebrows shoot up in his forehead. "I'm really more of a tumbler," he explains to Bella, his voice shaky as he takes a step back. "I couldn't…I don't think."

"And I told you…" I set up beside him. "Unless you're planning to learn how to dance, you'll have to stunt as well." I smile at Seth, patting his shoulder, while I feel Bella's eyes burn a path down from my neck and to the new ink on my right arm.

"Toss hands." I avoid looking at Bella as she stands in front of Seth.

I start them off easy. I trust Seth. He's a good kid. He gives it a solid attempt. He's able to hold Bella, but only at shoulder level.

"Now press her up to extension."

Seth's air comes out his mouth in a woosh as his eyes frantically search mine.

"Dip a little and use the momentum," I explain. "She'll follow."

Seth does exactly as I say, and his arms extend and push Bella up over his head.

"Nice," I say, my eyes on Seth. "Drop, toss platform."

Seth's eyes widen.

"Same thing as the extension, except your hands and her feet stay together."

Seth brings Bella down and gets ready behind her, wiping his forehead on the sleeve of his T-shirt. He nods in determination and gives it a go, and somehow he hits it.

"Ha!" I smack a hand on his back. "See?"

He takes a couple of steps, trying to balance her, until he firmly has her up.

"Okay, now adjust your grip," I instruct.

"Why?" Seth grunts, arms still locked over his head. "She's not leaning."

"Not every flyer will be able to hold their frame when you're grabbing only toes." Bella is just that good. "You need to support her heels as well."

I attempt to gesture where his hands should be, but before I can, he's asking Bella to pop off.

"That was pretty decent," Bella kindly says, mimicking my thoughts, and Seth's smile spreads from ear to ear. "You sure you're not a stunter?" she asks, I think Seth might faint.

"Whoo, I can't believe I just did that!" He clasps a hand on my shoulder, doing a little jump, which makes me smile a little, before turning to Bella. "How much do you weigh?"

"Seth—" I smack a hand on his chest, pushing him back. "We don't ask people that."

"I just mean 'cause it felt pretty easy." Seth backs away slightly, probably sensing my wrath. "I'm sorry." He turns apologetically to Bella.

"It's okay," Bella says in return. "I weigh around a hundred pounds, one o' five, give or take. I haven't weighed myself in a while."

I breathe away the tension in my stomach and finally look at her. She seems unaffected by Seth's comment, relaxed even, her smile in place.

Several things changed in our program after Bella left. Regular weigh-ins are not a thing anymore. And everyone meets every six months with Alice, our nutritionist, who is now part of the staff here.

My eyes find themselves stuck to hers again. I hold her gaze until everything and everyone around us disappears, until I'm physically aching to hug her.

Because fuck, she looks well. She looks happy and healthy and just overall okay. Like the time we spent apart has been good to her.

It pisses me off.

And yet it pisses me off how much it doesn't piss me off at all. How happy seeing her well makes me.

I take a deep breath, trying to collect myself, when she speaks again.

"Can we talk?" she asks me, stepping closer, eyes boring into mine. "Please?"

When her fingers graze my forearm, I step back until her hand drops.

I look away. I have to.

"I have to help the next group," I say quickly—dryly—taking another step away from her. I think she says okay, but I don't look at her anymore.

"Keep practicing your grips," I say to Seth, before swiftly walking away from them.

~.~.~

Tryouts pass as I help with whatever I can. When my turn comes, I stunt with Vicky. Ever since she and Emmett broke up, we usually get paired up.

"Last year for us to compete in the partner stunt event," Vicky says, with a friendly elbow to my side, as we step off the mat.

"I told you already. I'm not going to compete in the partner stunt event again." Not since then. Not ever. "It's a lot of time," I repeat the excuses I've told myself again and again. "Lots of extra hours training together."

"What, are you afraid you'll fall in love with me?"

I'm laughing when I turn to her because surely she's joking. Thankfully, she's laughing too, then she rolls her eyes at me. We step aside for the next couple to stunt.

Emmett, of course, and Bella.

They hit every stunt. She makes him look so good.

"You still look at her like she's the only girl in the room," Vicky whispers next to me.

I turn to Vicky defensively, knowing I've been caught. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. It's cute."

It's fucking sad, is what it is.

I run my hands through my hair and pace a little. I make it a point not to look at Bella anymore. It takes significant effort, especially when I feel her eyes on me throughout the remainder of the trials.

~.~.~

Everyone who made the team gets a tour of the house and our training grounds. Most of them will be coming back at the end of June for our team bonding trip and the early start of team training. Some of us will be here throughout the summer.

I engage with all but one of my new teammates, stunt in the backyard, then quietly retreat to my room to finish unpacking.

I'm proud of having managed to avoid Bella but still find myself wondering if she's left already—if I can relax. I'm peeking out of my window for any sign of her, when her voice comes from behind me, startling me.

"Hey…" She is standing in the hallway, right at my door. Her arms cross over her chest as she steps forward and then her shoulder leans on my door frame.

"Hi…" I walk closer to the door, feeling self-conscious, nervous as fuck and angry at myself for letting her still have this effect on me.

"You're all moved in already?" she asks, her eyes peeking behind my shoulder.

"I'll be staying here the whole summer." I clasp a hand on the door, trying to block her view of my room even if that means stepping so close to her. "I'm running the Dream Big Camp and then the early training camp for our team."

"I heard about the camp." Her eyes meet mine as she takes a step back into the hallway. "It's such an amazing initiative. I've seen some of the videos. They're really inspirational, Edward. You're doing such great work."

"Thank you," I say quickly, politely, nodding at her before I start to close the door.

"Please…" She places a hand flat on the door, pushing it back at me. "I just want to say one thing."

I breathe out roughly through my nose, staring down at the ground and effectively avoiding her eyes.

"I'm very sorry, for everything." Her voice breaks, but I don't look up. "I know that I hurt you, and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am."

I close my eyes, taking a moment to catch my breath, and when I open them back up, she's staring right at me, tears pooling in her eyes.

Ah, fuck, I can't do this right now.

I don't need this. I don't want this.

"Okay," I say, anger and frustration spilling into my words. "Is that it?" My words cut, and she inches back.

"I wanted to thank you, too," she adds shakily. "For so many things…but also for agreeing to me coming back to the team. I know Rose would have said no if you weren't on board. So thank you."

I shrug, not giving in.

"Really, thank you." She runs her fingers under her eyes, catching some of the fallen droplets.

"No problem," I say casually, while my hand falters on the still ajar door.

She lets out a sigh but doesn't move from her side, and neither do I.

Her eyes wander again behind me. "Is this the same room?" She trails off before her eyes find their way back to me. "Where we almost…?"

I look over my shoulder, trying to buy some time, then shrug for good measure. "I don't know," I lie. Of course it's the same room. I wasn't about to let anyone else sleep in here, not with me in the house at least. But Bella doesn't need to know that.

"Oh…" She seems disappointed, but I'm done with this conversation. I start to push the door close as she looks back up at me while backing down. "I guess I'll see you in June?"

I guess. "Sure…"

"Unless you need an extra coach at the Dream Big Camp," she offers with a smile while my fingers clasp around the edge of the door. "I'm free and I'd love t—"

"No, our camp is full."

"Okay…" She nods, her face falling slightly.

I nod as well, this time in goodbye, and finally close the door.

Bracing myself against the frame, my forehead presses on the door and my breath comes out in a huff. It's silent for a while, and I try to focus on my breathing while wondering if she's still out there.

I can hear a sniffle or two, coming from the other side of the door. The sound crushes my already broken heart, but I stay strong.

When I eventually hear her steps retreating down the hall, I finally relax.