Chapter Warnings:

noticeable after effects of trauma/ptsd?

19. Return

„You sure you don't want all of us to come with you, Sher?"

Sascha almost cooed, surprised how really rather tiny Emmett could also be. „As much fun as that'd be, I don't think my father's poor heart would handle that."

Emmett clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes. „Humans and their weak constitutions."

They had all gathered in the living room. Two large bags sat on the ground next to the front door. Sascha's father had been informed two days prior. A rather short, yet one of the most intense phone calls she had ever had in her life.

„You are right there", Sascha agreed with a soft chuckle.

„Well, don't miss me too much then", Emmett spread his arms expectantly, engulfing Sascha in a tight hug when she stepped toward him, „Can't have you mope around all day."

She laughed then. „I'll do my very best." After a few beats, she parted from their hug again, turning to Rosalie beside him. Sascha found herself unsure how to really exchange good byes with her. They had enjoyed their occasional calm afternoon together, but, with a start, she realised they had never had the opportunity to really talk a lot.

However, her racing thoughts were cut short after a second, when Rosalie carefully offered her a hug of her own, catching her by the slightest of surprises. Sascha, grateful for having the decision made by someone else, happily reciprocated the gesture and pulled the blonde into her arms. Almost giggling when Rosalie's hair tickled her chin.

„It was a pleasure to have met you, Sascha." Rosalie leaned back again.

„And you, too", she smiled softly.

„Don't make it sound like this is a goodbye for ever", Esme tutted playfully and Sascha stepped over to her with a grin. Esme put her hands on Sascha's shoulders. „Our home is always open for you. You're always welcome here."

Sascha melted into Esme's hug like butter, trying to reign in her emotions. „Thank you", her voice didn't reach higher than a whisper.

Next was Bella, who actually managed to return Sascha's hug without a single ounce of awkwardness.

„I feel like a thank you is not enough to-"

„-It's not needed", Sascha interrupted her quickly, leaning back a little to hold Bella at arms length. She then smirked a little, giving Edward a quick side eye glance. „Just invite me to the wedding, and we'll call it even."

„Of course!"

„We wouldn't dare", Edward said quietly and put a hand on Sascha's shoulder. She spotted a twinkle in his eye. If she didn't know any better, she would almost call it mischievous. „We'll make sure to make you a guest of honour."

She snorted out a laugh at that. Maybe Sascha didn't know better.

Now you're overdoing it.

Edward shook his head with the smallest of smiles and gave her shoulder a pat before putting his hand back into his pocket. „Take care of yourself."

„You too", she inclined her head to him, then focused back on Bella, „Both of you. And put him in his place when he's spiralling again."

Bella shook her head with a breathy laugh, then nodded with her lips pressed together in a smile. Sascha stopped herself from commenting on the awkwardness Bella had slipped right back to.

„Alright then", Alice spoke and Sascha turned to look her way, „ready?" She stood with Jasper and Carlisle by Sascha's luggage at the door.

Sascha heaved a big sigh and let go of Bella. „No?", she locked eyes with Jasper for a brief moment, then back to Alice, „But I guess there's no use in waiting till I am."

„Try as you did before", Esme said, „One day after the other."

„And get through enough days, you'll be with us very quickly!"

Sascha shook her head with a chuckle at Emmet's attempt to remain quirky as she moved to the door. „Seems like a good idea." She looked at the group in front of her with uncertainty and already yearning sadness. „Luckily, in German, we don't really say goodbye. Rather, see you again. So, I'll keep it at that."

And then, as the others replied to her in a choir of their own farewells and well wishes, Sascha let herself be pulled through the front door by Alice and followed her to the car. Jasper and Carlisle with her belongings right behind them. Sascha slipped into one of the back seats, behind Carlisle, who would be driving. And when Jasper, as he got into the passenger's seat, caught her eye - he understood immediately. A soft breeze of calm made room for her anxiety to ease a little. Not too much to turn into repression, enough to let Sascha sink into her seat a little as Carlisle started the engine.

„Do you think these are a good idea?" Sascha let her head be tilted backwards by Alice, looking up at the ceiling and refrained from blinking when Alice raised one of her fingers to her eye. Aiming to put in some coloured contact lenses. Sascha grip on the little stool she was sitting on tightened as Alice's fingers brushed her eye lashes.

„It's the easiest way to conceal your eyes for now", Alice voice was low with concentration as the lens slipped into Sascha's eye, „Blink one time please."

Sascha did as asked, blinking more than once when her eye felt irritated immediately by the foreign object. She tilted her head a little for Alice to put in the other lens as well. „But… I won't keep wearing contacts for ever. At some point I have to explain it anyway, no?"

„True," Alice sighed a little as she moved behind Sascha in the hotel bathroom, putting her hands on her shoulders and looking at their mirror reflection together, „But maybe it's better to not have all of the questions be thrown at you now."

Sascha inclined her head. „True."

„Did I get the colour right?"

Blinking a couple times to get used to the blurriness, Sascha leaned forward a little to inspect her face - and eyes. Dark blue. She hummed.

„Feels weird, doesn't it?"

Sascha nodded, appreciating Alice rubbing her upper arms slowly. „Absolutely. Ever since I turned, it's always been weird to… see myself. But like this…"

It was difficult to put in words really. The seldom times Sascha did find herself confronted with her reflection, it had been easier to reconcile the unfamiliar and eerie perfection of her face with the more than alien eye colour she was sporting as well. Looking at herself and seeing her former human eyes look back - it felt even more like looking at a stranger. A different version of herself.

Alice pursed her lips in understanding, even though Sascha hadn't quite finished her sentence.

A knock on their hotel room door announced Carlisle's and Jasper's return. After arranging the hotel rooms for the four of them, they had left to the local police station to gather final information about Sascha's personal case and the overall investigation in and around Seattle. They had wanted to make completely sure it was safe for Sascha to reveal her presence without causing the wrong kind of suspicion.

Alice quickly flitted to the door, letting them in, as Sascha also followed out the bathroom - at a much slower pace. She had been trying to get used to moving at a more human speed again. The Cullen Trio was already standing in the room when she got there.

Sascha heaved a sigh, flexing her hands. „Being slow has always been a nuisance. But this - no thank you."

Jasper smiled compassionately. „You're stalling."

„I know", with another sigh, she hung her head a little, before looking up again, „So, how is it looking? Is it safe?"

Carlisle nodded, hands clasped together in front of him. „It is. Whenever you're ready, we can go to meet your father."

Sascha clutched the edge of the leather seat beneath her, staring out the backseat window in complete stillness. If the previous car ride had felt unnerving, it was nothing compared to the drive from the hotel to her father's house. The hotel they had stayed at was in an area of Seattle that Sascha hadn't really been before, there were no particular buildings or markers that Sascha could recognise. However, the closer they were getting, the more it felt like the streets of Seattle were preparing Sascha's return. Slowly, but surely, getting more familiar to her until they finally reached the neighbourhood that Sascha had called home for the past two years. When the first houses came into view where she knew the residents personally, it felt like someone was shooting electricity into her limbs.

„Sascha." At the same time as Alice's hand softly touching down on her arm, the car suddenly jolted as a wheel seemingly hit a small bump in the road, which caught everyone by a bit of surprise.

Though, Sascha was distracted quickly when she noticed the holes she had pressed into the pricelessly expensive leather seats. „Oh shit, I'm sorry."

„It's okay, there's no need to worry about it", Alice tried to reassure her.

Sascha opened her mouth to fuss more about her slip up, but when the car slowed to a stop, she shut herself up immediately. They had arrived in front of her father's house. Home.

„Oh Gott."

„Take your time, Sascha", Carlisle turned the engine off, „You don't have to go in immediately."

Jasper caught her eye in the rearview mirror. „He's somewhere in the back of house, he can't have heard the car."

Sascha nodded back to him.

For the first time since having been turned, she felt like her heart was pounding in her chest. It was probably more the spasming of her lungs as she tried to regain her composure. But it did make her feel oddly human for a moment.

She fixed her eyes on the milk glass front door, hands balled to fists on her knees, invisible to the others as her hands had almost vanished into the big sleeves of her hoodie. „I want to go… alone at first. I- I don't want to overwhelm him." That was a lie. And Sascha could tell the others knew that too.

Sascha saw Alice nod in the corner of her eye. „Of course."

A thousand thoughts were rushing, crashing around in her head. Each more chaotic than the next. Too scrambled to catch a single one and make sense of it. Like her head was drowning in it and the only thing Sascha really knew for sure was how to sit still. Or was it that she had forgotten how to make her body move?

Just as her first finger nail was about to crack into her palm, a by then familiar blanket of serenity washed over her. Like a breeze returning air back to her lungs. Sascha knew, she had to get out the car immediately, or she would never find the courage to go.

„Thank you", her voice barely louder than a whisper, and a second later she had ducked out of the car, eyes never leaving the front door.

Sascha felt like the small path leading to the house was at least a thousand metres long. And frightfully not long enough as she found herself standing only an arms length in front of the door. As though it might shoot her, she looked at the button for the door bell. A small green square they had installed together after he father had grown sick of never being able to hear when someone knocked on the door.

Not giving herself any moment longer to hesitate, Sascha finally pressed the button. And waited. She could hear someone moving closer to where she was, a door on the inside sliding open and then shut again. Steps approaching the front door. Heavy and powerless. Like there wasn't enough will to even lift the feet between steps. And then-

Sounds drowned out. Everything vanished the moment the door started to open. It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. Her father's face coming into view. His expression changing from blank to heartbroken relief, tears filling his eyes immediately. Sascha mirroring his expression, wishing and yearning so much to cry as well. Him reaching a hand to her shoulder to pull her into his arms without a second to lose.

The moment Sascha found herself engulfed in her father's embrace, head on his shoulder, his chin tucked on the crown of her head, time went back to normal. Sounds returned, her senses were including her surroundings again. Her father was trembling as his arms tightened impossibly so around her, a hand cradling the back of her head. She clenched her eyes shut when a wave of pain and relief crashed over her, like a clock hitting midnight and its bell shaking her entire being. Through it, she had to fight the urge to hug him back with the same kind of fierceness her muscles would allow her - she was probably hugging him a bit too tight for comfort already. Not that Lars seemed to care really.

His breathing was laboured, while she had stopped breathing all together. She could hear his tears dropping onto her hair and shoulder.

„Meine Kleine."

Sascha felt like she shrunk into the hug even more. Surely, without Lars holding her, she would be doubling over, clutching at herself with pain in that moment. Pain akin to a knife being pulled out of your chest. So, so everlastingly painful, yet freeing at the same time. She balled her hands into fists at his back, afraid to accidentally tear into his jacket.

„Papa."

More words were unneeded as they merely stood, holding each other. Lars was gently rocking them from side to side. And finally, in months, in almost a year, Sascha felt like there was actual oxygen filling her lungs again. Finally, a weight she hadn't even been aware of carrying anymore, lifted itself from her entire being as she relaxed more into her dad's hug.

Finally.

And at the same time… Sascha felt the past months becoming tangible within herself. As though the mere presence of her father allowed, or forced her, to finally open up to what had actually happened. Not on an intellectual level. Oh how she wished to cry. Her throat was constricting instead, a huge lump formed as she buried her face even further into her father's shoulder. As Lars seemingly noticed her shift of demeanour, his quiet sniffles mixed with soft words of comfort. She couldn't really pick out any of them, but the hum of his voice was enough to lull her further into his embrace.

Here was the moment she had always told the others would come sooner or later.

It's not really healthy, is it? Alice's voice was whispering in the back of her mind at the memory. Probably not.

Do you want to talk about what happened? — No, not at the moment.

Yeah… jokes, sarcasm and logic had gotten her this far. But it seemed Sascha had, at last, run out of moments to push her pain away.

„Mensch, Sascha-", Lars leaned back a little and moved to hold Sascha at her shoulders, „I can't believe y- what happened t- How are you?!"

Sascha shook her head helplessly. There were really no words that could possibly be enough to describe her feelings. And there was so impossibly much she wanted to tell him. Her eyes burned more intensely with venom as she looked her dad's tear stained face. She finally mustered the will to speak and settled on something basic, but very true.

„I'm just relieved I'm finally back."

Sascha tried to ignore the minute sign of confusion flashing across Lars' face when she spoke and how his eyes where scanning her entire appearance for a second to long. He reached a hand up to cup her cheek in a caring manner, but almost flinched at the stark contrast of temperature.

„Oh god, Sascha, you're so cold", his thumb stroked her cheek as he searched for any obvious signs of illness, but obviously getting more confused at how her skin was most certainly feeling for him, „Have they done something with you? Are- are you sick? What-"

„No, Papa, please", Sascha quickly reached up to take his hand, careful to keep her own mostly covered by her sleeve in order to not freak him out more. The hoodie, obviously ill timed for the season of year, had been her attempt at hiding her abnormal physicalities - coldness, skin of stone. A weak attempt, at best. „Please, calm down. I'm not sick. Truly. I'm… okay. Now."

Lars looked deep into her eyes. Sascha felt like he was searching for something. A sign maybe. And she looked back, trying to calm him. Wishing to have a different talent than her own for this moment. But her words, or her presence alone, seemed to do the trick, even if a little slower, as Lars finally dared to relax his face a little. Some worry leaving him as his eyes softened.

It's when Sascha noticed how weathered he was looking. Of course slightly older than when she had last seen him, but also weary with all the anguish from the past months weighing down on him. Some dark pain carefully tucked away, but visible to her. Adding to her own building realisation of what… had actually happened to her. And how it had been, and still was, bad enough to even severely affect those close to her.

Sascha didn't even attempt to keep her face void of that pain. She let her father see it. Finally able to allow herself to not be strong and in check.

„Oh meine Kleine", Lars whispered, and pulled her back into his arms. Much more secure this time, more composed. „I can't even begin to imagine what you went through. But you're not alone anymore. I got you."

Sascha nodded rapidly, craving exactly that so much. And after a moment she was finally able to relax her hands at Lars' back, letting her shoulders slack down, and released a heavy sigh.

Finally.

„Papa, to be honest, I wasn't alone." Sascha refused to unwind herself from her father's embrace.

„Is that them in the car? The people who took you in?"

Sascha nodded softly. „Some of them. Would you like to meet them?"

„Meet the people who took in my daughter when she needed most?", Lars leaned back the tiniest bit to look Sascha in the eyes, a grateful shine in his expression, „Absolutely."

Translations:

Oh Gott = Oh God

Meine Kleine = term of endearment in German, most commonly used within families as a term used by parents or grandparents; literally means "my little one"

Mensch = in this context like "man" or "gosh"

TheQueenofGoodbyes: I am soo glad to hear you're liking this story 💕 and yes, I really wanted to make sure that each bond Sascha forms with any of the characters feels natural and strong. I'm looking forward to the payoff as well heheh I'm also happy to hear you're looking forward to the part of Sascha's story with her family - often times with fanfictions I feel like if the story focuses a little more on the OC's private life and their backstory readers are... "put off" because they are more interested in the parts connected to the original source material, which I understand and won't judge, but it does make it especially "vulnerable" in a way to publish OC centred stuff. So thank you for sharing your thoughts, it's really encouraging!

guest: thank you so much!

zaneri0t: I'm happy to hear you're liking it! I hope this chapter was enjoyable to read as well~

End Notes:

I was really struggling with this chapter and trying to write it as carefully as possible. I hope I did the situation justice and you liked reading it.

I read your comments (both here and on AO3) and I decided I will continue posting in one document without starting it as a new story to keep it together. At least until it feels organically fitting for this story to have a split, and not orientated where the original movies/books end.

There is unfortunately a lot going on in my life right now. I will do my best to post the following chapter on time as well - I fear it might be a little late though. I still have a month though, so maybe it'll work out hahah we will see.

Alright - if you have any thoughts or opinions or questions even, feel free to leave a comment. As always, I'm more than curious to read what you have to say.

Thank you to everyone who has already left comments, kudos, or bookmarks. It means so very much, especially as I wasn't even expecting anyone to feel for this story as much as I do. Thanks for enjoying this ride with me~

Alright, take care everyone~

Posted: 01.08.23

Last Edit: 01.08.23