AN:
None of the characters are mine.
Trigger warning - Suicide
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Hermione Granger woke up on the 13th of December with a feeling that something was off.
She could not place what exactly, but the day just didn't feel right.
And no, she didn't believe it was some sixth sense, or premonition, or something god awful like 'The Sight'. She assumed it was just a disturbance in the system. A natural, normal feeling. An intuition of some sort.
She checked all her notes and homework, just to reassure herself that they were all complete. She then met up with Harry and Ron in the common room and noticed how everything was perfectly normal around her.
Yet, there was a nagging feeling that something was wrong.
She tagged along with her friends to the Great Hall and saw that everything was the same, except for the Teacher's table and the Slytherin Table.
She noticed half the teachers were missing, the others were talking to each other in hushed voices.
The Slytherin table was in a completely different state. Sure, they were never boisterously loud like the Gryffindors, but they were also not pin-drop silent as they were at that moment. She saw Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini sitting on either side of Pansy Parkinson, who was silently sobbing, rubbing her shoulders.
Hermione found herself gravitating towards the table and noticed how both the boys also had bloodshot eyes, the entire table seemingly in mourning.
"Mione, where you going?" She heard Ron call her over but she ignored him, the pit-like feeling in her stomach increasing even more as she saw Professor Snape, McGonagall, and Headmaster Dumbledore rush into the hall, their faces grim.
Dumbledore stood at the head of the hall on his dias and clapped his hand calling the entire hall's attention. When the entire hall was silent, he began solemnly.
"Students, it is with a very heavy heart that I have to inform you all of an incident of unfortunate nature that occurred in the hours of the previous night. A sixth-year student decided to take his own life."
Suddenly, all the dots connected in Hermione's head. She had an inkling of who it was, but she couldn't believe it until Dumbledore said it out loud. "Draco Malfoy was a very bright and talented student, gifted in quidditch, and was a prefect. It breaks my heart to think of what he might have been going through for him to take such a step. Our thoughts and prayers go to his loved ones. His funeral has been scheduled for Sunday, the 15th of December in the Ministry of Magic Funeral Chambers. It is open to any student who wishes to pay their respects." Dumbledore paused and removed his glasses.
Hermione heard a few teachers let out a sob from behind him. Meanwhile, she felt as if she was glued to her place. "It is at this moment I would like to remind all my students that even though we are going through a very difficult time, the doors of all Professors and my own are open for any guidance or help, or even if you need someone to talk to. Please take care."
The entire hall was silent as Dumbledore returned to his seat. And then, Hermione ran out of the hall and threw up in the first corner she turned.
-x-x-x-x-
Hermione didn't know why she felt this way.
Malfoy and Hermione were not friends. They hated each other. She was entirely sure that they hadn't even had a single conversation without exchanging insults.
Then she wondered why she felt sick to her stomach at the news of his death.
Maybe it was because of guilt. Was it one of her insults that had stuck with him? Something one of her friends did?
She couldn't help but think all the way back to her first year, wondering if there had been any confrontation with her that could've hurt him.
Maybe she could've helped him. She knew he was not keeping well. She could see it and had mentioned the same to Harry as well. But she had brushed it off. She had more important things to deal with. After all, Draco Malfoy did not even exist on her list of importance.
As she continued with her downward spiral, she heard the three Slytherins talking amongst themselves as they walked out of the hall. She remained seated in a corner, quietly listening to the trio speak.
"It's not even fair. They won't let his funeral be at his own home. The bloody Ministry!" Pansy cried out.
Theo sighed. "Pansy, you know why it can't happen at the manor. His father would not be able to go. And none of us would be allowed there either."
"I just can't believe he's gone." She whispered. "How did none of us notice? How did we let him reach that point?"
Hermione saw Blaised envelope Pansy in a hug. "It's none of our faults. You know he didn't want any help. And he was a master at hiding his feelings. There was no way for us to know."
"Even yesterday night, hours before he did it, we all were together, celebrating Slytherin's win. Draco even sang. You know he only does that when he's happy." Theo stated.
Pansy sobbed. "What if he knew he was going to do it that night? Maybe that's why he celebrated with us, and sang for us, knowing we won't be able to hear it again."
"Only Draco knew what was going on in his mind. Wondering if we could've changed what happened is not going to bring him back. We just need to focus on how to ensure his presence is not forgotten."
With that, the three slowly left, leaving Hermione slumped in a corner, tears pouring out of her eyes, her breathing labored.
She placed her head on her knees, remembering her last encounter with Malfoy.
It had been just yesterday, right before the quidditch match. She had found him sitting in the same place she had always sat in and was quite surprised to find him.
She had probably said something snarky to get him away from her seat but he didn't pay attention to her. Just flipping through a book. She decided it was useless to fight against him and just as she turned around to leave his voice stopped him.
"Don't worry Granger, you won't have to worry about your precious little seat. You won't ever see me here again. I just wanted to know how it felt to be on the other side once."
And with that he had left, Hermione not even caring about his words. But now, she wondered if he meant that she wouldn't see him ever again. She couldn't help but think if there would've been something she could've said, if she would've paid attention to his words, if she had done anything differently, would Malfoy still be there?
-x-x-x-x-
It was late when she returned to the Gryffindor Tower. The whole common room was packed, not much different from the scene she had seen in the morning. As if a student had just not died.
"Mione! Where have you been?" Ron asked loudly, Lavender was seated right beside him, and Harry missing from the group.
"Nowhere, just at the library." She lied. She had tried, but couldn't set foot inside the library. It felt… wrong. Classes had been dismissed for the day and Hermione had decided to roam around the castle. She had wondered if perhaps Malfoy had also roamed around the castle, taking in the place he had called home one last time. Maybe he had been looking for reasons to stay. Someone to hold him back?
She shook her head knowing there was no point in thinking such thoughts.
Ron groaned. "Come on, join us, we're all having a small pre-Christmas party since we're all going back home tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Hermione questioned. The Christmas holidays weren't set to start for almost another week.
"Yeah, Dumbledore thought it would be good to send us home. Not that I'm complaining, but I don't get it, it's not as if the Ferret's death affected anyone other than the Slytherin's." Ron stated nonchalantly.
"Ron, Malfoy's dead. The least you could do is not call him 'Ferret'." Hermione said, anger slowly rising within her.
Ron frowned at her. "I'll call him whatever the hell I want to. I don't care that he's gone and offed himself. Better for the world that he did."
"Show some respect, Ronald!" Hermione shouted at him, causing everyone around them to stop whatever they were doing and pay attention to her and Ron.
Ron narrowed his eyes at Hermione and stood up, towering over her. "I'm not going to show him respect just because he's dead. I hated him Hermione and he hated me back. All those years of name-calling and insults towards my family does not get negated just because he killed himself. You and I both know he would be celebrating either of our deaths." Ron scoffed. "Hell, he would probably be the cause of it. I don't care if I come across as a man with the emotional range of a teaspoon, but that arsehole is not getting a drop of respect from me."
Hermione was fuming. "Well, you have lost any respect I had for you Ronald, so congratulations. Hope you enjoy dancing on his fucking grave." With that she stormed towards her room and dropped on the bed, pulling the curtains closed.
She couldn't help the tears that once again fell from her eyes. How could Ron say something like that? Did he truly hate Malfoy so much that his death wouldn't stir a single emotion in him? Or was she the only one who felt the way she did?
None of the others seemed to have such a strong emotion towards the situation. And Hermione had even more cause to hate him. She knew that Malfoy would have wanted her dead. Then why did she feel like the world was splitting apart?
-x-x-x-x-
The next morning as she entered the Great Hall, she noticed Ron sitting away from their usual spot with Lavender hanging off of him. Hermione rolled her eyes at the sight. She went and sat beside Harry who had an untouched bread roll on his plate.
"It's not going to finish on its own," Hermione stated and he instantly jumped up in surprise. Hermione raised a brow at him. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, of course." He replied quickly. Then sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "No, actually. I just can't stop thinking about Malfoy taking his own life."
Hermione felt her breath catch at his words. "You don't feel as if he deserved it?"
Harry shot her a surprised look. "No! I know we hated him but I don't think anyone deserves to die by their own hand."
"So if someone else had killed him it would've been fine?" She questioned as she poured pumpkin juice for herself.
"No! Stop twisting my words! He shouldn't have died like that. Not at sixteen, all alone. Even though he was an evil git." Harry stated and picked up his bread roll, stuffing it in his mouth.
"Well, if I were you, I wouldn't talk about it with Ron. He seems to have different thoughts."
Harry sighed. "He's entitled to have his own opinion on it. And out of all of us, he hated Malfoy the most, you know, family rivalries and all." Harry finished his breakfast and got up from his seat. "Maybe this early vacation is what we all need. We might be able to get out minds off of this."
"Will you be attending the funeral?" Hermione suddenly asked, cursing under her breath for blurting it out.
Harry paused. "No… And please don't tell me you plan to go."
"Harry, it's just to pay my respects that's all. Maybe some closure."
"Closure for what Hermione? And I don't think we would be welcome over there."
Hermione gave him a stubborn look. "Dumbledore said it's open to all students."
Harry shook his head in disbelief. "I'm pretty sure we are not included in that list." He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Look, I get it, emotions are running high right now. Just think about it. It's tomorrow, maybe overnight you'll realize why this isn't a good idea." With that, Harry walked off, hoping he had helped change Hermione's mind about the funeral.
What he didn't know was that Hermione had already made up her mind and there was no changing it.
She was going to Draco Malfoy's funeral and not even Death himself could stop her.
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AN:
Hope you enjoyed it! Also, no hate towards Ron, but his reason is justified to some extent.
And no, Hermione is not feeling extra sad because she had a secret crush on Draco. It is just how different people's psychology works. Some people don't get overworked by a close one's death while some people break down because of an almost stranger's death.