Nothing much to say today, guys, just that it's an early update!

Enjoy and have a lovely weekend!

CHAPTER 6 - I like corgis

Rose's POV

After I promised Belikov I would get away somehow, he stepped up his game and he won't leave me out of his sight, not even for a second. And he's doing that even with the downside of him getting bored to death around me because I do close to nothing all day long.

I don't know why they brought me here, but it is torture to me, as I have always been the person to do something, and there's nothing much to do around the house. Life was much more entertaining when I was training to guard a Royal, when I would work my body to exhaustion, when I would get punishments from my supervisors, when my parents would assign house chores for me, or even when I had to struggle all by myself in an unknown town with only a bitch to keep me company. But now when the places have been switched and I'm the guarded one, when there are people who do everything for your comfort and when I'm too important to be left to wander outside of the house, I would kill to wash the dishes or do pushups until my arms could no longer hold my weight. I wish I could at least train, but I cannot ask any guardian to fight me. First because they would decline such an outrageous request and second, I cannot tell anyone the reason I am good at sparing.

In addition to that, I have gotten sick and tired of everything that's on TV (I think I memorized the fifth season of the X files better than anything I did in school), I have no access to a cellphone because god knows what I might do with that, and I never thought I would be tired of drawing. I always used to complain that I have no time to work on my sketches and paintings, and now that I have so much time on my hands, I am lacking inspiration.

I even tried my luck in the kitchen, but the cook laughed to my face when I told him to teach me a thing or two, so I gave up on that idea too.

The only person I can hang out with and talk about anything is Lissa, and that happens only inside my room because of course I am not allowed to get too friendly with her in other places but there. The Lord might take her away from me if he sees we're bonding, and I would die if I'd lose the only friendly face I have around here.

But she's not always around as she has more things to do around the house rather than be my friend, and when she's gone, Dimitri isn't a too pleasant interlocutor, as he always gives me bland answers, from behind his books. It's not fair he has a way to fill his time, and I don't give up so easily on trying to make him interact with me.

"Doesn't your hand hurt?" I mean, even though he is reading, he is not breaking his guardian stance, by the wall, and I find it incredible that he doesn't get a hand cramp from holding it in a bent position for so long.

He shakes his head. He didn't even bother to open his mouth! I'll get him talking, don't worry.

"What are you reading there?"

He shows me the cover of his book. Again, no effort to speak.

I see it's a western. I am not surprised. I guess that passion of his for that duster ended up being a character trait. At his 25 years, there's no going back.

"Should I change comrade for cowboy?" this surely will get me an answer from him.

And I get an answer, only it's not one I expected.

"You want to try one too? We have a full library." he is aware of my boredom, but he couldn't have thought of a worse way to combat it.

"Me? Reading a book? You'll never catch me alive doing such a thing."

"Why not? Some people read for fun."

"Yeah. Boring people. Books are boring as hell. Hence, they're your passion."

"At least you'd be doing something instead of complaining you're bored."

"But I'd still get bored. In a worse way."

He shrugs. "Suit yourself then."

"What were you listening to the other day, when you were coming from your run?"

"Nothing."

But he was listening to something and I kind of liked that song, even if it resembled to something my parents would listen to when they were young.

Seeing that subject didn't catch to my public, I try something else.

"You're all about health, huh?"

"And I see you're determined to put yourself in a sugar coma," he responds when he hears I've gotten a hold of another piece of candy from the bowl on the table.

"It's nice outside today, isn't it?"

"You're not going out."

Bummer. I was hoping of a chance to take a better look at what's behind that door that we passed some days ago.

"Are you training for a marathon?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"I mean, you go for such long runs every morning, I thought…"

"No marathon."

Okay, the athletics subject didn't work either.

"What were you sculpting the other day in the garden?"

"I don't sculpt."

"I saw you from my window."

He was craving something with a knife. It seemed he was doing it for an artistic purpose, so I went and searched the place and found some wood shavings, so I know he's lying to me.

"I don't sculpt."

Seeing he doesn't want to cooperate, I try my chances with various other subjects. And that comes out as a parade of questions I didn't get an answer for.

"Would you rather be really hot or really cold?" I'm referring to temperature because I could figure out for myself that he's hot in his appearance and ice cold in his demeanor.

"Is cereal soup?"

"What's the best holiday?" if he doesn't say Christmas, I'll punch him.

"Do you think the moon landing was fake?"

"Where did you grow up?" even though I doubt he'd share anything that's personal with me.

"Do you believe in aliens?" I do after seeing that creepy The Fourth Kind movie.

The only reason I am going on with the questions now is to see how long it takes me to annoy him. I mean, if our places were reversed, I would have told myself to shut the fuck up about three questions ago.

"Want to take a tray from the kitchen and go down the stairs with it?" not even the prospect of me breaking my neck moves him.

"What's the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?"

"Do you think you'd die in a zombie apocalypse?" I am sure I'd want to stick by him in that scenario.

"Do you ever sing in the shower?"

"Okay, serious thing. Toilet paper. Over or under?" because I swear I don't understand people's problem with either.

"Tell me about the worst pickup line you've ever gotten." Because hey, women must be hitting on him all the time. Men too, I don't discriminate.

"Is a hot dog a sandwich?"

This last question was the cue for me to shut up after I managed to make him restart a page a few times. I am sure that with me talking he didn't understand a single word out of it. His puff in frustration was enough proof of that, but I can't help myself.

"What's your biggest pet peeve?"

"People who talk too much." fourteen questions. I think I need to try the Zen shit he's on.

After he shuts me up, all I am left with is sketching in the notebook that I snatched from the Anton's office and praying I die of a sudden stroke or something before I get to go to the altar. Okay, I know I am overreacting as it has been only three days since my last escape attempt, but I'm a girl who gets bored fast. And it doesn't take me much to start throwing questions at him again.

"What's your favorite dog breed?"

This is the first question that makes him take his eyes off that book of his, so maybe I did something well this time.

"I thought you didn't like me."

I get just as defensive as him. "Maybe I don't."

"Then where did this bonding thing come from?"

"I'm bored out of my mind, comrade, I don't know any other way to tell it to you. But if you don't want to talk, fine. I'll let you be. Enjoy your book."

I get up from my spot on the sofa and head toward the door.

"I like corgis," he says, with some sense of desperation in his voice, and maybe some shame.

Desperation knowing that if I leave angry I might end up doing something stupid and shame because well, yes, I did think it, how could such a serious, fierce man like that kind of a dog? I mean, I like them too and I find it endearing, imagining him playing with a corgi puppy, so I walk back to my place.

"That's a good choice. I like their asses."

And hey, I managed to make Mister grumpy smile, even if so little.

Remember when I said I need the strike of a genius if I want to get out of here? Well, my inspiration came as I was drawing the house as I remembered seeing it from the outside.

Analyzing the plan of the house (yes, I finally learned the placement of the rooms and I can successfully navigate all the hallways), I realize that if I manage to get inside Dimitri's room, I could get out the window and onto the little roof on top of the bay window that is under his room. From there, if I walk for a meter or so to the left, I could easily get a hold of the top of the wall surrounding the domain and drag myself on top of it. After that, only a jump will keep me away from freedom. A pretty high jump, as that wall is tall and inconvenient, but I am willing to take my risks with that. I'd rather break a leg than spend one more day in this house.

It would have been a smaller pain in the ass if I could have gotten out my own window and do the deed, but my room is facing another side of the domain, from where I don't have such easy access to the wall around it, so I need to work with what I'm given.

The second I realize this great opportunity that I have, I give up on drawing and start scribbling my plan into the notebook, wanting to make it flawless. I have to, as I will only have one chance at putting it into action.

I promised myself I won't be getting Lissa in trouble again, so I send her away with some invented business while I carry out my plan. Of course, I made sure this happened on a day when the Lord is away from the house too. It would be a total bummer if he would be the one to catch me while attempting to leave this fucking place.

The only person I need to deal with is my shadow. I am kind of sorry that he will have to bear some consequences for my actions, but he's a big boy, he can handle it.

At first, I fake a terrible headache and the need to go rest in my room. That is the only place in which I can be completely alone, even though his presence at my door is customary during the day.

He's not in here for he doesn't deem it necessary to watch what I do in here. But what he didn't think of is that I could fake a little break-in from my room. And that, my friends, is the perfect distraction. It will create enough commotion so that no one will worry about my whereabouts for a little while.

First, I get the heaviest object I can find around my room, a metal doorstop shaped like a dog. It is not that big, but considering the speed at which I plan to throw it with, it will do its job.

I tie the dog to the end of a sheet holding onto the other end, and when I throw it out my window, I pray that my calculations were right. I've never been good at any science subject, not to mention physics where I sucked ass, but I've always been good at breaking stuff, so I hope that compensates for the science part.

Today is no exception to the rule. The sheet was long enough, thank god, and I imprinted enough force into the object for it to follow a circular direction as it comes swinging back toward the house. When it hits its target, the window under mine breaks.

I let go of the sheet, letting the incriminatory evidence fall onto the grass. I know Belikov's first instinct will be to come into my room and I don't want him to catch me red-handed.

What I predicted happens in less than a second, and I act surprised.

"What happened? What was that?"

"I don't know. But I need you to stay here as I go check out, alright? In here, Rose, in this room. You don't get out under any circumstance."

I even mimic some fear and nod consciously.

"I'll stay put, I promise." Just until he closes that door behind him, of course.

I count to five, as I suppose he is going to run downstairs, then I get out in the hallway. Perfect. No one can see me.

I rush to his room and goddamnit, what I feared most has happened. The door is locked. But I came prepared for this. Thank god that I'm allowed to have a ton of bobby pins for my hair, and bless Mason's heart for teaching me to pick a lock.

Still, time is ticking fast, so I need to put my skills to a test.

I still hear the fuss from downstairs, but I know someone will soon catch onto what I did thanks to the evidence I left behind, and they'll come for me.

I finally managed to pick the lock as I hear someone getting up the stairs. I knew they're smart guys, but they connected the dots way too fast!

I enter Dimitri's room before that someone reaches the top of the stairs.

I hear steps rushing toward my door, and I know I need to hurry.

"Look for her! Everywhere!" This is Dimitri's angered voice, coming right after the sound of my door being slammed against the wall.

"What? Look for who?"

"The Princess!" I am almost sure he was about to add 'you idiot' to that.

"She's not in her room?"

"Would I tell you to do that if she were?! Take that side of the hallway, I'll take this. Tell the others to look downstairs. Leave no corner unchecked."

Two rooms are separating mine and Dimitri's and it seems I am going to fail before I manage to do anything significant.

I get caught right when I hop onto the frame of the window. Damn it, I didn't even get half as far as I planned to!

The door of the room opens and I make eye contact with him for a split second before I get out the window and let myself hang over the edge, holding onto the frame.

"Rose!"

I try to reach the tiled roof under me with my foot, but damn it, it is a little too far. I could let myself fall on it, but I'm afraid that if I do that, I will slip. Oh, if only I were as tall as Belikov. Those 20 extra centimeters surely would've helped me.

On top of that, he gets a hold of my wrist, getting halfway out the window himself.

"Let go of me!"

"No, you're getting back inside right now!"

"Let go!"

I don't really put much thought into it when I try to make him let go of my hand with my other. Because if I manage to do that, I will fall unprepared onto the little roof and god knows if I'll slip off it or not.

But as I was trying to rip his hand off me, he took the chance to get a hold of my other wrist and started to pull me back inside.

God fucking dammit!

He pulls me back inside, and I end up where I left from. We're both on the floor, on our knees, facing each other, and oh, the look in his eyes.

"You're crazy, Rose! What if you got hurt? You could have broken something or god forbid, your neck! You could have died!"

"You don't have to pretend you give a damn!" I try to make him let go of my wrists, but that grip is too strong. "Let go of me!"

"The only thing I am pretending is being calm. So stop this." He shakes me and stops my struggle. "Now explain yourself! What were you thinking?!"

"Don't you fucking talk to me like I'd be five!"

"Really? Because you acted like one! How could you be so irresponsible? So mindless? So-"

"Go fuck yourself!"

I manage to free a hand and I try to take a swing at him, but he catches on to that and traps my hand again.

A normal person would give up on resisting when she sees she cannot make him let go, but I don't. If my hands didn't work, I'll try with my legs.

I lean to my right and try to swing my left knee into his ribs. Like this he can get a piece of my pain, as him pulling me inside made me hit my ribs against the window's frame and it hurts like a bitch.

That doesn't work either. He dodges my hit and in the next second I'm lying on my back and he's pinning my body with his.

"Get off me, you fucki-"

"I get it that you're mad that your plan didn't work out, but will you cut it with the fuck thing?"

"Why would I? I'm not. I'm fucking not."

"And now you're saying it on purpose." I know it's petty, what I'm doing now, but it's my last way to fight him.

"And what if I fucking do?" He laughs. "Why the fuck are you laughing?"

"Oh, that stubbornness of yours."

"What? Do you plan to do something about it?"

"You wouldn't like it if I'd do something about it."

"Do it." I struggle harder to release my wrists from his grip. "Do it, I fucking dare you!"

His jaw tightens and with a sigh, he pulls away and gets off me. He looks around the room and when I do too, after getting up to my butt, I see some other guardians watching us. When I eye them hateful, they know better than to remain in the doorway. I wonder how much they heard and saw.

Knowing that I've been found, they leave, letting Dimitri deal with me. Which is the worst idea possible.

He is now eyeing the vase I smashed as I tried to get on the frame of the window. That's the source of my failed plan, as I'm guessing he skipped a door and came straight in here when he heard the breaking sound. I am glad the vase didn't break where we fought because that would have turned the situation to bloody fast, but I feel bad for the flowers, as they did end up under us. Of course, the water wetting my back is an inconvenience too.

"You're cleaning that up," he tells me after I got up and inspected my body for any possible cuts, just to be sure.

"That's your problem, not mine." I even cross my arms over my chest. If he says I'm acting like a five year old, then that's what he's getting.

"Because you're the problem!"

"Still, that's not my problem."

"You are infuriating!"

"It goes the same way!"

I get past him and head out of the room.

"Come back right in this very moment!"

I ignore him and continue to walk.

Seeing he is on my tracks, I start running down the stairs.

"Rose, stop at this very moment!"

"The fuck I wi-"

When I look back to see how far he is, I miss a step. You can imagine what happens from there, right?

I can once more count on his fast reflexes in order not to break my neck.

The only downside is that now I'm pressed against his chest, his arm around my middle, holding me tight, which sends another wave of pain throughout my body.

Time seems to stop as I breathe in and out slowly, trying to rid myself of that pain.

Soon, the magnitude of everything that could have happened finally catches up to me. Why am I this stupid? Both back in his room, and here too.

When I look up, I don't find him mad. I find him concerned, which pisses me off for some reason.

He removes my hair off my face and curls the corner of his lips in what should be a compassionate smile.

"Are you-"

"Let go of me right now."

He complies and pulls away when he makes sure I'm steady on my feet.

So many emotions flow through me now, but the most potent one is shame. He's right. What was I thinking?

"I'll… I'll come to your room to clean that up."

He nods and doesn't say anything as we walk back upstairs.

In the little storage room at the end of the hallway, I find everything I need to clean my mess.

He assists me as I do it, and when I'm close to finishing, he decides to break the silence.

"Did you get hurt when I pulled you back inside?"

"No."

"Are you sur-"

"I said no."

"Rose."

"I'm sure I didn't break anything. But you know… if I start spitting blood, you'd do me a favor if you wouldn't try to stop it."

I cannot decipher the look in his eyes, and he doesn't use words either to express it. He just shakes his head and takes me to my room, then informs me he'll go downstairs to see what he can do about the window.

I took his tone as a warning not to get out of my room again, and I didn't. I deserve such punishment, and I know there's more to come. I should be glad he didn't tie me up to the bed, to be honest. I've done a big mess, I knew I would, but I never thought I'd be having to bear the consequences. After all, I wasn't planning to sit around for any longer.

My luck makes it that Ivan comes home along with his father later in the day. From the way he looks at me when I get past him on the corridor to get into the Lord's office, I am sure Dimitri put him up to date with all my bullshit.

I expected Zeklos senior to give me a proper scolding, maybe even threaten to tie me up or something like that, but the one who does the scolding is my dearest father, who appeared god knows where from. The Lord hearing his monologue makes it ten times worse, but I take my admonishment and don't utter a word. Sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut. You just need to assess your crowd.

I don't protest even when my father informs me that he will pay for the damage and that from this day on, he will cut me off from all money supplies. I never knew I even had any access to that, but now that prospect is off the table, which leaves me completely at Zeklos' mercy for any expense.

Of course, Anton did his part too, by kindly informing me that if I ever do such damage in his house again, he will not hesitate to turn me into a maid so that I will be able to pay for it.

Well, if I have gotten out of this house at noon, I wouldn't have had to endure all this, but too bad Belikov is great at his job.

When they're done with me, I go to my room and wait for Ivan to come. He must have something to say about this too. I mean, even Lissa scolded me for it, so why wouldn't he?

He eventually comes, but despite what I thought, he doesn't even mention the incident. He only comes to sit on the edge of my bed and puts a box in between us, encouraging me with his eyes to open it.

I drag it toward me and open it. I uncover a Caran d'Ache set of crayons. And it's not a small set. It says it has 120 of them, and I know it cost him a fortune.

I can't think of what I've done to deserve that, but it only makes me feel guiltier for the shit I did today. I like it, but I don't want to show it to him. I don't deserve it. I close the box and push it back to him.

"These won't impress me, Ivan. I am rich too, you know?" Or at least, I can pretend I still have access to some source of money, even though that has just been taken away from me. Maybe he's not up to date with that yet.

He nods. "So, no more gifts?"

"No more gifts."

"Let's make a deal."

"What deal?"

"I cease with the gifts if you take this one."

"Why would I?"

"Because, unlike the hair comb," he puts an accent on that word because he wants to let me know what I've done with it. "I have the feeling you like this. You know, a birdie told me you do sketches all day long." I wonder who that is.

I guess I wasn't stealthy enough earlier when I tried to show no interest. But compared to a useless pencil I found lying around, yes, a whole set of colors would be better.

"Fine. I'll take it. I um… thank you."

He smiles. "Would you show me one of your drawings?"

"Not in a million years." and it has nothing to do with him. I have always been reticent about showing it to anyone.

His smile only gets wider. "You know, I could try to win you with my charm if you don't want any more gifts."

I smile too, I can't help it. "Really? And how would that work?"

"Well, for starters, I have been told I'm a funny man."

"The day you make me laugh is the day the moon will fall off the sky, Ivan."

"We'll see about that. Just be prepared to be amused."

"Don't bother. I don't like you and I don't want to like you. Plus, you'd better see for your next departure." He's only here until the morning. It's not like he could charm me in ten minutes.

"I'm sorry for that."

"What for?"

"I am not around much."

"And what makes you think your absence affects me in any way?"

"Well, for starters, you have to spend time with Dimitri."

"And?"

"And I've heard you two don't get along too well." Maybe the way we were yelling at each other earlier the day got to his ears? Who am I kidding, I think everyone breathing in this house heard about it.

"Nothing goes unnoticed here, huh?"

"He's not that bad."

"Then why don't you take him with you if you two get along so well?" From what I understood, Dimitri has always been Ivan's guardian.

"Because I asked him to take care of you."

"I can very much take care of myself."

"Not from what I heard, tree woman. Chest woman. Window woman. I would go on, but I guess you're yet to try new things."

I squint my eyes at him. Of course he is going to rub them all in my face, what else did I expect?

"He told you all the details about the stuff I did?" I wonder how much they laughed at the expense of my stupidity.

"Don't get mad. I worried for you when I saw that window broken and I asked him to tell me everything."

"I didn't mean for things to get that far. But you know I don't want to be here. At that time, it felt like a good idea to do what I did."

"I understand."

"Do you?"

"But at the same time," he completely ignores my question. "I want to be sure you don't hurt yourself. Dimitri is a great guardian and I trust him with my life. I trust him very much with your safety too."

"Great news for me," I say rolling my eyes.

He smiles. "I know you don't like this arrangement, but there's nothing I can change about it."

"You could say you don't want to marry me."

"And who would exactly listen to my opinion? Has anyone listened to yours?"

"You're a man. I heard that works wonders."

"Not every time. Not this time. I'm sorry to disappoint you."

"Don't worry. I'm used to it."

"How are your ribs?"

"Good lord, Belikov made everyone ask me that?" even Lissa took interest in that and the only one she could have found out from is him.

"He just feels bad for-"

"I'm fine, honestly. I didn't even bruise. I'm not going to die."

He sighs relieved. "Then… It has been great catching up with you."

"I can't say I'm sharing the feeling."

"Spiritual as always, Rose. Maybe next time it will be better. And I'm not talking about your escape attempts." winking, he gets up. "I forgot to mention one more thing."

"What?"

"My aunt is coming by tomorrow."

"And?"

"She wants to meet you."

"And why should I care about that?"

He smiles, but I don't like that smile of his. "Just… try not to piss her off too much?" I open my mouth to protest, but he talks first. "I swear I'm not trying to threaten, but she is very strict in some ways and…" he sighs. "I guess you'll see tomorrow."

The first thing I do after ending my discussion with Ivan, is to call Lissa to my room.

"What is it that I can help you with?"

"I need you to tell me everything you know about Ivan's aunt."

Her eyes widen. "Oh…"

"What does oh mean?"

Oh, come on, Ivan, please open this damned door. But no matter how much I knock, the door doesn't open.

Fucking shit! Where the fuck is he wandering? Visiting one of his mistresses? It wouldn't surprise me, I've heard plenty of things about him through Lissa. And I mean, Mia was proof enough of his wandering eyes, why did I ever expect him to stop now that I'm here? Not that I would be jealous in any way, but I guess wanting some respect is too much to ask for.

Standing in front of Ivan's door, I look to my left, considering my options of going back to where I came from. Oh, I don't want to do this! I really don't want to do this.

But I do it. It will be just as stupid as it will sound, but I have no other choice. I'm not touching that, and if he was assigned to protect me, that means he shall protect me from anything I deem as dangerous, right?

When I reach Dimitri's door my heart is beating up in my neck, and I try to ignore that as I gently pound on the door.

"Enter."

He is still awake, thank god. I open the door and I don't dare look at him. I just wait in the doorway.

"What happened now?" That tone… he's still mad and he has a lot of reasons to feel that way.

"You know I… there is um… there is something in my room."

"What?" He jumps out of the bed and getting past me, he rushes in there.

I follow him, and I find him standing in the middle of my room.

"There is nothing here, Princess." we've gone back to princess. So he's more than mad about me.

"There is. There." I point to the wall next to my bed and he looks there, but it's gone. "It was. There was a spider, on that wall."

He turns his head and looks at me, blinking two times. "A spider?" I nod. "I thought…" he laughs. "A spider?"

"Please don't laugh at me. I'm afraid of them. Something about them gives me the ick, and I once woke up with one on me and-"

"I'm not laughing at you, I just…"

But he is still laughing, hard enough to make me feel silly for asking him for help. And he probably sees that because he becomes serious in a matter of seconds.

"I didn't mean to… You see, I thought there was something more dangerous in here. Bigger, you understand? The size of a human."

I realize what misunderstanding I created.

"Oh. I didn't mean to alarm you. I just… I really don't like them."

"I'm sorry I couldn't catch it for you."

He turns to leave but I find myself speaking.

"Would you-" he eyes me, waiting to continue. "Would you stay a minute longer in case it comes back? It was right over there and it might… I'm afraid I might wake up with it on my face."

"Alright."

We remain in the same places we are and the silence between us becomes a heavy burden. I shouldn't have asked him to stay.

"So," he speaks first. "Spiders and dogs? That's what it takes for you to get scared?"

"You plan to use it against me?" When he throws me a look, I change my answer. "It's kind of all animals, to be honest. They don't… for whatever reason, none of them like me much."

"It's interesting how such a little thing as a spider could get you scared but not falling from such a height." I nod. I am accepting my scolding. It would only get worse if I talk back, he's already pissed enough. "Have you ever broken a bone? Because of the way you throw yourself in situations like those, it wouldn't surprise me if you visited the hospital a couple of times in your life. It's a surprising combination of courage and foolishness."

"Was that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Take it as you wish."

"I didn't break any bone. None of mine, anyway."

"Anyone else's then?"

"Yes, but not intentionally. But I think I can make an exception and break one of yours on purpose one day." Shaking his head, he laughs. "What? You don't think I can?"

"You're determined enough. I'm sure you'd find a way."

And for once after that moment in the afternoon, our glances meet for more than a second.

"I'm sorry."

"What for, exactly?"

"I put a lot of people in trouble with what I did. I know the Lord scolded you and the other guardians, I heard the servants speak about it. It was my fault and… I thought I would be the only one held responsible, but… I'm sorry."

"I don't think those apologies mean anything if you don't plan to change something."

"You mean, if I don't stop trying to get away." he nods. "So, I should just give up on my freedom? I should just… go on with it? Wouldn't you be mad if your freedom would have been taken away from you?"

He smiles. "What kind of freedom are you exactly talking about?"

"For starters, the freedom of choice!"

"We have rules and orders and we obey them, Princess," he says that last word with some kind of bitterness and I'm aware more than ever of the differences between us. I am complaining that that freedom has been taken away from me, while he never had it in the first place.

They come first. I am very familiar with that concept. I've heard it for 16 years straight. And thinking about it now, even if my training as a guardian seemed like it came with some freedom, in fact, it didn't. I was stuck in that system just as I am stuck in this house. I was in different prisons for my entire life.

"And doesn't that make you mad?" Realizing that makes me mad. I want to have a choice in my life, be it as a Moroi or as a pretending Dhampir.

"I don't have the luxury to act out."

"So, what I did, was nothing but acting out?"

"Tell me what else that was."

I don't have an explanation. Was it acting out? I thought I was doing it because I wanted to be free. Wasn't that the reason I did it? Maybe I could have taken another approach, if I think better about it.

When he sees my hesitation, he nods. "Goodnight, Princess."