So... I might have finished the new chapter earlier and couldn't resist the temptation of posting it. This doesn't mean one new chapter won't come out next week, though :) it will, and for a while, I am going to try to post once a week, but I don't know for how long I'll be able to do that. Enjoy it while it lasts, I guess

And thank you a looooot for the feedback on the slow burn thing. I promise I'll set things in motion soon enough, though :) (big confession coming)

Also, thank you for the kind words! I always appreciate your support, guys

Luvfreakysyfy, there will definitely be a jealous Dimitri. After all, Adrian exists, right?

Have a nice week and enjoy the surprise chapter

As always, lots of love!

CHAPTER 8 - I could try that Mulan shit

Rose's POV

I decide to stay. I want to know what else she has to say. How much can she insult me now anyway?

When I head for the other end of the table, across from her, she stops me.

"Here."

She points to the chair next to her, so I go sit in the appointed seat and stare at her.

"I'm listening."

"Ivan and I talked, and we- I proposed, considering your behavior last night, that it would be good to have someone hired to take care of your education."

"My education?"

"Yes. You don't know how to behave and I think you don't even know the people you were talking to yesterday."

"I don't."

"But you should know about them."

"I don't see the point in knowing shit about them."

"Maybe this person will help you get rid of that language too."

"And what did Ivan say about it?"

"I think you need it."

"But did he agree?"

"Don't you think you need it?"

I don't think I'd get an answer from her and I need to find out why. But do I, really? I mean, he must have agreed. He would not stand to have a wife like me. I need reeducation.

"Fine, whatever."

I get up and angry, Ekaterina does that too.

"Sit, Rosemarie." It's like I never asked her to call me Rose.

"And what if I don't want to?"

She pins my hand with hers on the table as she leans closer.

"Look at me, young lady. You have no idea what you've got yourself into."

"I kind of do." it's all about a bunch of entitled people that treat me like property. Did I miss something?

"No, you don't. You don't even know half of it. You'll be stuck in a man's world. And with that attitude, you won't get far. Not unless you have someone to have your back, and at this second, you have nothing. No one. You're all alone and they will end you in no time. You want a piece of advice on that?"

"I bet you'll give it to me even if I don't want it."

She ignores my comment. "When you start a conflict, make sure you can fight until it's done."

"I would have ended that conflict last night if you hadn't dragged me out of there."

"I am not talking about a physical conflict, Rosemarie. A lady never fights with her fists." I might plant my fists in her face if she calls me that one more time. "You need to use your brain. You need to know who to pick conflicts with too. And what you did last night, was a disastrous choice. Do you have any idea how much damage control I had to do after you left?" I don't respond. "If you want to survive, yes, you need to be meaner than any of these men. But you also need to be smarter than them. And what you did last night, it doesn't get catalogued as smart."

"This is why you're such a bitch?"

"Yes. I am a bitch, by other people's standards. I have never looked down in front of any man. In front of anyone, not once in my life. I did not let anyone break me. But I knew to pick my battles and I surely never acted like a spoiled brat. And so should you if you want to make it out there. Whatever you saw where you grew up? Forget it. It's a thousand times worse at the Court. It's a lion's cage and you're their prey. And they're very hungry. They just cannot wait to put you in your place if you speak up. And you seem like the kind to speak up. So be cautious."

"Well, thanks for the life lesson. Can I go now and be an uneducated, spoiled little girl somewhere else?"

"Not for long. Your teacher is on her way." Already? How did she know I'd agree? Did she even care if I did?

Before I leave, I want to know something.

"You know what? I can understand why you're a bitch to men. But what do you have against me?" I had this stupid hope we'd bond over being women in such a shitty world, but she turned out to be just as bad as those bastards.

"Honestly? I have nothing against you. I just want someone who is going to rule right with my nephew."

"And you're trying to mold me to be that."

"You kind of need it, let's be honest."

"Yeah… Because I am not good, in any way."

"I can see some potential. Very little for now, but I don't think you're a lost cause."

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence."

"But Princess, what about breakfast?" Lissa comes a little late to the party and sees me heading her way, out of the dining room.

Ivan's aunt laughs. "Considering how much she ate last night, I think she'll have to skip lunch too. Maybe even dinner. You should get rid of those hips, Rosemarie!"

Here she is again, commenting on my appearance. Like I didn't hate my body enough already.

On my way back to my room, I meet just the person I hold dearest to my heart at this very second.

From the look on my face, he knows I've spoken to Ekaterina, but he has the audacity to stop me and ask me this shit:

"How are you feeling?"

"Great, considering you took care of everything for me. I am very thankful for that, my dear husband. There will be another one around here to babysit me. Awesome. Like Dimitri wasn't enough of a pain in the ass!"

"Look, I wanted to talk it over to you this morning, but you kind of strolled out of my room and-"

"Oh, so it's my fault, right? Sorry for that then."

"No, it's not like that. I thought breakfast would be a good time, but she insisted and-"

"It's no biggie, right? I guess I shouldn't care that people take decisions for me without even asking me first! She didn't bother to ask, she just informed me you two took this decision. After all, it's not like my free will will ever matter from now on. I should just be an obedient little wife, shouldn't I?"

"Rose, no. I told her it's up to you. Didn't she tell you-"

His guardian comes for him. "Prince Zeklos, your aunt would like to see you."

"Look, I… I'd like to have the time to work it out now, but..."

"Sure." she is more important anyway. "Go. You have more important things to do."

"We'll talk, I promise."

We don't talk. Not then, not even later because he leaves with his father for the rest of the day and that's it. And after all, what would there have been to talk about? The decision has already been made, what can I change?

To celebrate my last day of freedom, I banish everyone from my room and lie in bed and draw all day. Who knows when I will have the time to do that again?

When I assigned yesterday as my last day of freedom, I didn't associate the next one with going to the army.

Okay, not literally army, but it seems like I involuntary enrolled for something similar, because the sun hasn't even risen up and someone bursts in my room, waking me up. Not even when I was in school I had to wake up at such an hour. It is not Lissa, for she wouldn't dare do such a thing to me. I warned her about the consequences.

I pull the covers over my head, turn to the other side and pray that whoever it is, goes away.

That doesn't happen. This woman I don't know even dares snatch the covers off me and it takes so much from me not to jump on her. I could so easily take her down. She is a petite woman, and looks like the kind to start crying if her nail polish got chipped. She is elegant nonetheless. Dressed in a navy blue dress, wearing short heels, and with her blond hair put in a low bun, she looks like a classy French teacher, and well, her name recommends her too. But I still don't want anything to do with her.

I keep on lying down and hope she gets the silent message I'm giving. I'm sure she wouldn't like it for me to open my mouth.

"Up with you. A princess is always up first. Not to speak about a queen. She needs to make sure everything is alright around the house so her husband would not miss anything for the new day that is about start."

"If Ivan wants something, he shall go fetch it himself. I am not waking up at 4 a.m. to make sure his socks aren't mismatched. He's a big boy, he can fend for himself."

"Up!"

"Let me sleep, woman. Get out."

To make my point get across, I even throw a pillow at her, but she catches it and puts it back on the bed, with a disappointed look in her eyes. If she thinks that will move me, it will not. The disappointment of a stranger doesn't impress me.

"Miss Dragomir, I am leaving her in your custody. If in an hour she is not ready, I am going to complain to the Lord."

I have already put a pillow over my head, but Lissa kneels on the bed next to me, and tries to remove it.

"Do that at your own peril, Liss."

"Rose? Come on. Please? Get up."

"Five more minutes."

She sighs. "Fine. Just five minutes, alright? I don't want to get in trouble with the Lord."

"Come here." I embrace her and pull her down to lie with me. "Take a break."

"Rose, I really shouldn't."

"And I say you should. You always work on something. Take a break for once. I won't tell anyone. And you will never get in trouble with the fucker because of me, I promise." I heard of some of the punishments his servants get and I would never let Lissa endure that. "If I do something stupid, I'll take the blame for it all, as well as the punishment."

She stops resisting. "It's really comfy here."

"It's the bed of a future queen, after all." I open one eye and look at her. "What time is it, exactly?"

"Five."

"Good lord! That is horrible. How fast do you think you can get me ready?"

"Fifteen minutes maybe."

"Great. Then we're sleeping for the next 45 minutes."

"You have to eat too."

"Fine. 43 minutes left of sleep."

"You can eat in 2 minutes?"

"I can have a whole feast in two minutes."

She laughs. "You have half an hour. Not a minute more."

"It works for me."

An hour later, I am ready and I go meet Evette, and I am already in to hear the first thing I'm doing wrong in my life because as I entered the study room, I was still munching on something from breakfast. She tells me I am anyway too curvy for that piece of desert. But hey, old habits die hard. I've always eaten a lot because I trained a lot so everyone can go fuck themselves.

"Says who?" I continue to eat my pastry, defying her. "Who assigned Moroi to be the skinniest people alive?"

"You wouldn't want your husband to feel ashamed to be in your company, right?"

"What if I'm the one ashamed to be in his company?"

"Don't be silly, girl. You should kiss the earth under his feet." yeah, god bless men. "Plus, do you know what a privilege is to be the Queen?"

"I guess I'll find out."

"You will. And you will love it." I highly doubt it. "And now. Let's see. Lady Ekaterina let me a list of some of your shortcomings."

"Shortcomings?"

"Flaws, girl. Flaws."

"I didn't ask because I was unfamiliar with the word. I just… never mind, go on." Let's see what she has to comment on those shortcomings. I don't think she can do worse than Ivan's aunt.

"Let's see." she gets out a piece of paper and starts reading. "You hunch. I saw that and you do it a lot. A princess should carry herself with pride and elegance, but the way you stomp around is horrific. You don't have table manners. You ate how much in one sitting? You should cut that to at least a third." did Ekaterina actually remember everything I ate last night? "You talk over men! You shook hands with them?! You didn't dance? How could this happen? Mon Dieu!" Oh, it is bad that she changed the language. I think she'll faint if she reads some more. "You swear? You got into an argument with… this is disastrous. Did you ever think of anyone else but yourself that day?"

"Of course I didn't."

"Good for you to realize that. It's a step toward getting back on the right track. And to your luck, I have worked with worse."

"Oh, what a relief. I'm so glad you can fix everything that's wrong with me. I'll forever be indebted to you."

"That attitude should be fixed too. No one appreciates it. A princess should always have a smile on her lips. So cut out the sarcasm."

"Sure, I'll do all of that." Because it seems like being me is utterly wrong. "And if I got it right, the only thing I shouldn't change about myself is…?"

"Truth be told, you should change everything about yourself if you want to be worthy of being queen."

Too bad that no one understands that I don't want to be that.

"Do we start now?"

"No, no. I need to come up with a good strategy. But tomorrow morning, I expect to see you here, ready for work. Six o'clock, not a minute later."

"So let me get this right. You woke me up at 5 a.m. only to tell me, an hour later, that I suck in all the possible ways and now you dismiss me?"

"I didn't know it would be this bad with you. I thought your parents took care of you, but considering the way you turned out to be, they did a poor job. I can only imagine how disappointed they are in you."

In less than a second I'm on my feet, and it takes so much from me not to slap her.

"Don't you fucking dare-" seeing how scared she is, I take a deep breath in and pull back. "I'll be here tomorrow."

I need to get out of here faster, otherwise I am breaking her nose if she thinks to say something else.

I already got to the door when she decides to speak once more.

"Oh! One more thing."

"What?!" Did she realize I was joking earlier and wants to suggest me I'd better throw myself off a cliff because I'm a lost cause?

"Whatever you need to know, ask me. I am here to educate you in every way you need." Yeah, because apparently I am a fucking cavewoman.

"Sure. Whatever."

I am never asking her anything, I swear to god. Because I don't plan to ever see her again.

I get out of the room, and on my way to mine, Dimitri says nothing, just falls in step with me.

His silence says plenty, though. It's the third time he hears how my self-esteem gets thrown against the walls, and I just cannot stand the compassionate look in his eyes.

"What?"

"How did that go?" like he wouldn't know. He can pretend all he wants.

"I don't have enough vulgar words to express how I feel, and I supposedly am not allowed to use such words from now on. But the short version is that I am not going back in there. Ever again."

I close the door of my room, leaving him in front of it, and I go sit on the edge of the bed.

Goddammit, Rose, don't be stupid. Whatever they said… you don't care. You don't give a single fuck. You don't. God, be strong, Rose. Don't you cry! Don't you fucking cry! Please… I'm not… I'm not… I refuse to cry…

I plant my head in my hands and press the back of my hands onto my eyes, hoping that it will help. It doesn't.

I won't… come on, Rose, stop. Don't be silly. It doesn't matter.

But I already feel the tears on my fingers.

Ivan's POV

When my alarm rings, I turn to one side to stop it, and I almost jump out of my bed when I see Rose sitting on a chair next to my bed. I almost die of a heart attack, to be honest.

"What on earth, woman?! What brings you here so early?"

It's 7 o'clock and from what I heard, this is not at all her usual wake-up hour.

"Someone told me I should wake up at the crack of dawn if I want my husband to be a happy man."

"Let me understand. You're here because you want me to be happy?"

"Of course not. It was the urge to strangle you that drove me, but then I thought I want an explanation from you, so I decided to wait for you to wake up." Such a nice gesture from her. "But don't worry, I might still strangle you."

"You want an explanation for what?"

"Don't you pretend you don't know! You came up with the idea, you bastard!"

"Oh, it's about Evette."

"Oh, it's about Evette, he remembers! I don't want her here."

"She's not that bad."

"Not that bad? Then you go see her because I refuse to go see her ever again."

Nope, I had my fair share of Evette lessons in my teens. I will not expose myself to that again. Because yeah, I said she's not that bad, but she can be a pain in the ass too.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to. My father already agreed to it." My aunt didn't have to be too persuasive with him.

"Great." She gets up to leave, but she stops and turns to look at me once more. "You know… if you only asked me. If you only wanted to know how I feel about it. That's what bothers me most, Ivan. That I didn't have anything to say in that matter. That you just decided it and I had nothing to say about it."

"Rose, I told Ekaterina it's up to you."

"Of course you did."

"I swear I did." I told her a thousand times to get Rose's approval before anything else.

"Still, my wish didn't matter at all."

"But Ekaterina told me you agreed to it too."

"What other choice did I have?! She already talked to Evette to come here before she even spoke to me! Our conversation was only her way of informing me I have to do it, not to fucking ask me!"

"Rose-"

"I can't stay long. I need to go reflect on all my shortcomings and how to fix them so that I'd be a good wife to you. I need to start looking more like a princess, or god forbid you'll be embarrassed to be seen with me in public."

She leaves the room, and I think I would have liked for her to slam the door behind her, but the fact that she didn't kind of hurt more than if she would have slammed it.

Fuck! Fuck, Ekaterina, fuck! This Evette thing ruined any little friendly sentiments we had! And I'm an idiot too! I should have talked things through with her, not let Ekaterina deal with it.

Dimitri's POV

Later in the day, I find myself looking for her once more. She has this habit of running or hiding when I turn my back to her, and from experience, it doesn't end up well. I was busy with something else and news traveled a little too slowly to my ears. The last thing I knew about her was that she was in her room, but now Lissa cannot find her and no guard has seen her for the past hour or so.

I find her fast enough, as I know where to look. She has a thing for wandering through the garden.

She smiles at me when I stop in front of her and tilt my head in a question. What the question is, I am still thinking. Are you alright seems redundant. She doesn't look fine. I know she's not.

"You'll find me anywhere I go, won't you?"

If only I could do more. But maybe her not being alone is the best thing now. Maybe she needs someone to vent to. I think I could do that for her. Yesterday it seemed to make things a little better when we talked after the party, even if it was centered on me.

"That's what I do." She doesn't say anything more, but I want to know. "What's wrong?"

She shrugs. "I am."

"What do you mean?"

"I am good for nothing. Not as a princess anyway. Maybe I should just cut my hair and join the guardian's forces. I could pretend I'm a man. I could try that Mulan shit. Like that, I could do something useful, for once."

"Don't cut it," I find myself answering without consulting my brain first.

"Why wouldn't I?"

Because I kind of like it. I like those rebel curls of hers. I especially like it when her bangs bothers her and she's fighting it to put it in its place, behind her ears. It's a stupid thought, but I sometimes wondered how it would feel to pass my fingers through it. Such an idiotic thought, right?

"They accept long hair in men too, nowadays. And if you'd want to show off your tattoos, you could just put it up in a bun."

She smiles. It's tiny, but it's still a win, isn't it?

"Like they would let me try. I'm one of the people they should protect, right? They won't let me throw myself at any Strigoi. Plus, everybody knows how I look now. I'm not anonymous anymore so I can't do stuff without anyone catching onto it. But thanks for entertaining my disillusion, comrade."

I sit next to her after she nods as I point to the place next to her.

"Progression can only go as far for now."

Her eyebrows lift. "For now?"

To her, I shrug. I cannot go ahead and share my views about the world so freely. You never know who is listening and I already said too much. But I've seen a fair share of Moroi willing to sacrifice themselves for their loved ones when they were put in the position to do it. They didn't want to hide behind a guardian. And I don't think we should get that right away from them. Maybe one day…

"If the King would hear this progressive comment of yours, you'd be in for some hanging, comrade. That's one of the punishments for treason, isn't it?"

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Nah. I can use it against you, though."

I smile too, when she does it.

"You skipped lunch. Do you-"

"I already ate. Lissa slipped me some treats from the kitchen around noon. I'm not hungry."

"Did you-"

"Yes, I fed too."

"Alright. So… where are we going today?"

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you'd try to flee again." Considering what happened these past few days, I'm surprised she hasn't already tried it. "It has been a while since you tried something and I thought that today might be the day. After all, your schedule is free."

She laughs and I am glad I could bring her to do that. But it doesn't last too long.

"Can we postpone my big escape? I'm a little too tired from waking up at five. And if I ever want to outrun you, I need to be in my best shape."

"Sure."

"Then, I guess you can go to your usual business. I'll be good today, I promise. I'm too tired to do any trouble."

Or too sad?

"Alright then." I know when it's my cue to leave.

Rose's POV

Thinking of what Evette will put me through tomorrow, I don't sleep too much. And when sleep comes, it's too late to go to sleep because I know I won't be waking up at five and this will get Lissa in trouble and I don't want that. So I find that a walk outside, in the cold air, might be a good idea to get me woken up.

It is so peaceful to wander around freely, at sunrise.

As I have been curious about what the other side of the domain has to offer, I get past that door, this time alone. Not to look for a way out, even though that is still a constant in my mind. But today I just want a moment of peace.

I am a little scared of the dogs, but I hope I will be able to manage them if they are let loose. If not, well, they'll at least give me a reason to stay in bed and miss Evette's lessons. Unless she thinks she can "educate" me while lying down, because then I'm fucked.

There is no dog around, and I walk freely, until I get in front of the big barn. I saw that on the last visit, and I wondered what it hides, and now I find that it isn't actually a barn, it's more like a horses' stables. I didn't know the Lord had horses here. It's just a couple of them, but still. Taking care of them must be expensive.

Dimitri is in there too. He is indeed an early bird. A very early bird. Does he sleep at all? I don't know how he manages it, with all the training he's doing when he's not around me.

I don't want to bother him, I just take a few steps closer to the entrance and watch him feed the horses. It's something calming about the repetitiveness of it, of how he takes the hay and places it in front of each horse.

"Do you want to take a ride?"

He is with his back turned to me, and I thought he didn't see I was here. Maybe he could sense me. Great guardians have this way of feeling their surroundings. I never seemed to acquire the skill.

I take some steps closer and stop in the doorway of the barn.

"Not really."

"Then why are you here so early? You are usually asleep at this hour, and Evette is coming in an hour."

"You've already memorized everything about me?"

He shrugs. Not that it surprises me. I bet that the times I am asleep are the only times he has a break. And here I am, ruining even this for him.

"I was just taking a walk. You know, clearing my mind before meeting Evette." because I need a lot of mental power to face her again.

"Hm. I would have been inclined to think you're out here looking for a way out."

"At this hour? I can't even walk properly, how do you expect me to come up with a bright escape idea?"

He smiles. "And… you're enjoying the surroundings here?"

"It's a beautiful place, I can't deny that. Too bad it's a golden cage."

A horse gets closer to me and I pull away immediately.

"What happened?"

"Horses scare me."

"They're peaceful creatures."

"Peaceful creatures that hate me." All animals do, I swear.

"So, let me get this straight. It is dogs, spiders, and now horses. What else scares you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know? You already have plenty of material to use against me."

He laughs a little. "Come here."

"No."

"Trust me. Just a few seconds, that's all I'm asking for. I won't let him hurt you."

I know he kept his word the last time, with the dogs, so I get closer to him.

"Give me your hand."

"He will want to bite me. I've tried this before."

My dad always tried to get this one horse at school to like me, but he never succeeded. That animal loved him. But not me. It loved all Dhampirs that came around him, to be honest. I guess he sensed there was something different about me.

"I won't let him, I promise."

Once again, I trust him with that and put my hand in his extended one. Oh, he's so warm. With his free one, he pats the horse's head and brings my hand closer to its face. The horse looks at the hand, then nudges his head against it.

"Is that good news?" He nods.

The horse then seems to want to chew on the sleeve of my coat. Dimitri smiles.

"That's even a better sign," he says as he pulls my sleeve out of his teeth. "He definitely likes you."

"He does?"

"Yes. And he doesn't like many people."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Am not. I've grown up with this horse. I know him well."

"What's his name?"

"Arlo."

"That's a nice name. Hello, Arlo."

I reach my hand toward him, but think twice about it.

"Come on. Pet him. He'll let you."

"Without your help?"

Moving slowly, I eventually get my hand on Arlo's head and pet him.

I get so excited and when I look at Dimitri, he smiles back at me.

He is so beautiful. All black. Healthy. It suits Dimitri, I can't lie. They both seem to carry themselves with this kind of dark elegance.

"Do you want to ride him?"

"Oh, I could never… I suck at riding horses. Well, you know, besides everything else."

"Arlo will help you. He'll be gentle with you. And I'll be here all the time."

"Okay." I trust him and his horse.

Dimitri goes to get a saddle.

"And hey, if I break my neck, I still win."

My joke wasn't taken well by the public, though. Dimitri watches me with a deep frown.

"Why are you saying that?"

"Well… it would be better for a lot of people if I were dead, wouldn't it?"

If possible, his features darken some more.

"Don't ever say that. Ever." He got so angry.

"Come on, it's not like I'm wrong," I continue in a joking manner, but he won't have it.

He puts the saddle away. "We'll do this another day."

And with that, he storms out.

"Dimitri, wait up! What happened?"

I run after him and he stops so abruptly that I was close to crashing into him.

"What happened? What happened?! What is wrong with you to say such a thing?"

"How much time do you have? Because lately everything is wrong with me."

"I cannot believe you have this attitude! How can you joke about that over and over again? You want to die, right? Then go ahead, die! Go out there and be done with it! Come on, I'll even take you! Let the Strigoi drain you or break your neck like a twig! Go ahead and die along with your family! Be done with it! Or even better, maybe they turn you into one of them! Let them win you and make all our efforts so far go to hell. Go ahead! Destroy all the hope people are putting in you!"

"No one is putting their hope in my hands! People only care about Ivan! I am just his convenient wife!"

"The go ahead, die! Don't give a single thought about the people who care about you and-"

I laugh to his face. "No one cares about me. No one! My only family, the only person I have left, ditched me here! He told me that if I mess things up, he'll kill me with his own hands! Does that look like someone cares about me, like I have a single person on this earth that gives a damn about me?"

"I-" his jaw tightens and he seems to be restraining himself from saying anything more, I see it in the way he clenches his fists. "You don't want to die. You joke about it, but you want to live."

"And this is living? Is this a life worth living? Being captive at the Court all my life?"

"You're acting selfish." the usual comeback.

"Yeah, I know. That's what everyone's telling me. I am the most selfish person to ever live on earth! Just because I want the freedom to choose who I love? Just because I want the freedom to exist for myself and not be my husband's little perfect doll? The Royal Council's puppet? Just because I know the people need a good ruler, I refuse to be put in the position of the ruler! Look at me, I'm fucking pathetic. What kind of queen would I be? There has to be another way! It cannot be me!"

"You two could be the new way! Together!"

"Don't you see it, if Ivan and I get there, they will win! We cannot change shit as long as the Council remains the same! Not as long as our parents are involved! And most of all, we cannot change anything as long as people don't start seeing that the system is wrong!"

"But we need rules."

"See? This is why nothing will change! You feel the unfairness of it all, guardians get the worst of it, but you stay complacent in the same idiotic tradition! What we need is change, not rules!"

"Then make the change!"

"It's so easy to talk, isn't it? One second ago, you were preaching to me that I should obey some rules, comrade."

"You're right. I admit that. But I am nobody in the scheme of it all. I have to obey the rules, but at least you have the power to do something. Instead, you choose to stand by. What is the point of you acknowledging all this unfairness if you're willing too, to let them persist in it? How does it make you better than them?"

"I…"

He's right. He's so right it makes my stomach twist and turn. Who am I to speak of the unfairness of it all, unfairness that I hated all my life, if now when I am in the position to do something about it, I choose my wellness above all? I speak of freedom and choice and all I do is seek my own interest. I've become just like any other royal, I see. I've become what I hate most.

"Rose!" Lissa comes running toward me. "Come, I need to get you ready or else Evette will kill me."

I let her drag me away from there and back to my room, then to Evette. A lesson with her seems like a kid's game compared to the way Dimitri was looking at me earlier.

Of course, my meeting with her doesn't go too well. I am too distracted to pay any attention to what she is teaching me, the heaviness of the discussion I had with Dimitri being too much for me to handle. I end up scolded again and sent to my room, with the promise that tomorrow I won't get another pass.